How unaware we are of the problems we created in our heads. Instead of focusing what’s really happening, we confine ourselves to the ghost we create on our minds. Sometimes, it only takes common sense to figure this out. 🙂
We have a tendency to set up “rules” about how the world should be and how others should act. Often, we get upset because someone breaks one of these rules. Although some rules do make sense–like you point out in this article, “don’t hurt others”–other rules we come up with are just completely arbitrary and pretty pointless stuff. So I completely agree with you: sometimes, the problem is just in our heads.
I really liked this post. Not many people realize that most problems they have are internal instead of external. Sort of like how other people don’t make you angry but you yourself allow yourself to feel that way. Short, to the point, and very eye – opening.
I really enjoyed this. Sometimes taking a step back and realizing the complete situation helps. It is also important to try to not judge people based on their pasts.
A friend told me a few years ago that when we get aggravated or upset at another person we should view it as a mirror to what is going on inside ourselves.
Ever since then, I’ve tried to see things in those terms – sometimes a VERY hard exercise. But one that is completely worthwhile.
On the flip side, when we decided to sell everything and take our trip around the world, the reactions we got from people were sometimes really harsh (“how can you leave your family like that?” or “don’t you think that’s a little irresponsible?”). That’s when I got to see this from the flip side – their reaction was all about *them* and had absolutely nothing to do with me.
excellent piece – although I would be inclined to say it even stronger –
“sometimes the only problem standing in our way is the one we created in our head” – most times………at least that’s been my experience!
I totally agree with this post. Although the problem was never revealed here, I think the problem was thinking that it was a problem in a first place. Thinking about things in the past that bother us in the present is futile thinking.
Hulbert makes a good point, as your example with your friend shows.
Sometimes, we make up the problems in our heads. The other person, and anyone else, doesn’t see it that way.
And, just like your friend did, talking to someone else can help to externalize the “problem” so you can see it objectively. Then, you’ll find that it’s not even an issue to begin with.
The other person doesn’t even have to talk. It’s just someone for you to verbalize your thoughts to.
Of course, for the non-self-conscious crowd, we don’t need a person – we can just “talk” to a plant next to us or something 🙂
Here’s to getting out of our heads and stopping the overthinking,
Oleg
Such a great point. It really does come down to choice and perspective. How are we going to choose to view situations…and how we are going to choose to allow them to impact our reality and experiences. Sometimes it is all about just getting out of our own way. Great post.
I am pretty good about seeing situations from another persons perspective…I am forgiving and open to things not always being MY way. However, I do not have a lot of people around me who feel the same way.
I am astranged from my mother, divorced my husband, and do not speak to my father, simply because for them, it HAS to be the way they see it, and there is no room for anything else.
Hopefully I can teach my kids to be more open minded…Most times, when you are troubled by something, the first step is to truely get out of your own way…THEN you can see more clearly.
Thanks for the article… Its nice to be reminded I’m doing ok….
Great understanding about human condition in The Only Problem Standing In Our Way. It is enlightening to watch our own reactions to experiences, to see that there is the experience out there externally and then our interpretation, our re-creation of it.
The winter wind can just be cold weather, or if we have theatrical, literary, poetic instincts, that wind symbolizes the season of death and darkness. And so it is with entire cultures interacting with each other. Hilary Clinton ranting and threatening Iran for their nuclear build-up – rightly so from our point of view – but what do the hard liners in Iran on the other side of the planet think of Hilary?
Some great moments of peace when we are neutral and being objective, BUT neutral takes training. Meditation is one route to get there, and I am not saying
that I am a master of it. The wind is just the wind.
Angel enters the apartment from work and complains about such and such; she must have had a hard day. My wife gets all worked up about opening cereal boxes and Frito chips packages in a certain style to keep the food fresh for centuries. Very interesting. It has only taken me since 1975 to realize that cereal box training is nothing to get riled up about. Yes, I am a slow learner, but I don’t hold her training agendas against her anymore.
You know, life is all about learning and how wonderful it is to be neutral.
Your friend is so lucky to have you. I always like to say, “It’s not what they did that’s causing us a problem. It’s what we’re thinking about what they did.” Thanks for sharing. Your writing is awesome as always.
Nice post, with a great reminder and lesson about putting things in perspective and getting out of our own way – sometimes people are looking for a problem or responding the way they feel they “should”
From a storytelling perspective, am I the only one who is incredibly curious what the “secret” is…? 🙂
Accepting one another, trusting a person is very important even though their is billion living in one world. The answer is always the one that’s is easy to find.
Walter says
How unaware we are of the problems we created in our heads. Instead of focusing what’s really happening, we confine ourselves to the ghost we create on our minds. Sometimes, it only takes common sense to figure this out. 🙂
Marelisa says
We have a tendency to set up “rules” about how the world should be and how others should act. Often, we get upset because someone breaks one of these rules. Although some rules do make sense–like you point out in this article, “don’t hurt others”–other rules we come up with are just completely arbitrary and pretty pointless stuff. So I completely agree with you: sometimes, the problem is just in our heads.
Jake says
I really liked this post. Not many people realize that most problems they have are internal instead of external. Sort of like how other people don’t make you angry but you yourself allow yourself to feel that way. Short, to the point, and very eye – opening.
J.D. Meier says
> sometimes the only problem standing in our way is the one we created in our head
Well put and that’s a quotable quote.
kalyan says
Sometimes we use our head where we are supposed to use our heart. Why cry for the past when relations are maintained by living this moment?
Nice article.
Farouk says
its all about using the mind differently , you are right
Andrew Benton says
I really enjoyed this. Sometimes taking a step back and realizing the complete situation helps. It is also important to try to not judge people based on their pasts.
Betsy Talbot says
A friend told me a few years ago that when we get aggravated or upset at another person we should view it as a mirror to what is going on inside ourselves.
Ever since then, I’ve tried to see things in those terms – sometimes a VERY hard exercise. But one that is completely worthwhile.
On the flip side, when we decided to sell everything and take our trip around the world, the reactions we got from people were sometimes really harsh (“how can you leave your family like that?” or “don’t you think that’s a little irresponsible?”). That’s when I got to see this from the flip side – their reaction was all about *them* and had absolutely nothing to do with me.
Marc Winitz says
I think this happens more of then “sometimes”. Nice post.
Anita Kaiser says
excellent piece – although I would be inclined to say it even stronger –
“sometimes the only problem standing in our way is the one we created in our head” – most times………at least that’s been my experience!
Hulbert says
I totally agree with this post. Although the problem was never revealed here, I think the problem was thinking that it was a problem in a first place. Thinking about things in the past that bother us in the present is futile thinking.
Oleg Mokhov says
Hey Marc,
Hulbert makes a good point, as your example with your friend shows.
Sometimes, we make up the problems in our heads. The other person, and anyone else, doesn’t see it that way.
And, just like your friend did, talking to someone else can help to externalize the “problem” so you can see it objectively. Then, you’ll find that it’s not even an issue to begin with.
The other person doesn’t even have to talk. It’s just someone for you to verbalize your thoughts to.
Of course, for the non-self-conscious crowd, we don’t need a person – we can just “talk” to a plant next to us or something 🙂
Here’s to getting out of our heads and stopping the overthinking,
Oleg
alternaview-Sibyl says
Such a great point. It really does come down to choice and perspective. How are we going to choose to view situations…and how we are going to choose to allow them to impact our reality and experiences. Sometimes it is all about just getting out of our own way. Great post.
DC says
So mindful………so “NOW”………such a simple example of the unrealized fact that we each create our our reality. What is for us is only what we think!
Marc says
Thanks for keeping the conversation going, everyone. Your points are truly insightful.
😉
Dawn says
I am pretty good about seeing situations from another persons perspective…I am forgiving and open to things not always being MY way. However, I do not have a lot of people around me who feel the same way.
I am astranged from my mother, divorced my husband, and do not speak to my father, simply because for them, it HAS to be the way they see it, and there is no room for anything else.
Hopefully I can teach my kids to be more open minded…Most times, when you are troubled by something, the first step is to truely get out of your own way…THEN you can see more clearly.
Thanks for the article… Its nice to be reminded I’m doing ok….
Old Wise One says
Great understanding about human condition in The Only Problem Standing In Our Way. It is enlightening to watch our own reactions to experiences, to see that there is the experience out there externally and then our interpretation, our re-creation of it.
The winter wind can just be cold weather, or if we have theatrical, literary, poetic instincts, that wind symbolizes the season of death and darkness. And so it is with entire cultures interacting with each other. Hilary Clinton ranting and threatening Iran for their nuclear build-up – rightly so from our point of view – but what do the hard liners in Iran on the other side of the planet think of Hilary?
Some great moments of peace when we are neutral and being objective, BUT neutral takes training. Meditation is one route to get there, and I am not saying
that I am a master of it. The wind is just the wind.
Angel enters the apartment from work and complains about such and such; she must have had a hard day. My wife gets all worked up about opening cereal boxes and Frito chips packages in a certain style to keep the food fresh for centuries. Very interesting. It has only taken me since 1975 to realize that cereal box training is nothing to get riled up about. Yes, I am a slow learner, but I don’t hold her training agendas against her anymore.
You know, life is all about learning and how wonderful it is to be neutral.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga says
Your friend is so lucky to have you. I always like to say, “It’s not what they did that’s causing us a problem. It’s what we’re thinking about what they did.” Thanks for sharing. Your writing is awesome as always.
Craig Thomas says
Nice post and excellent quote from Einstein.
Avish Parashar - Motivational Smart Ass says
Nice post, with a great reminder and lesson about putting things in perspective and getting out of our own way – sometimes people are looking for a problem or responding the way they feel they “should”
From a storytelling perspective, am I the only one who is incredibly curious what the “secret” is…? 🙂
jong jong says
Accepting one another, trusting a person is very important even though their is billion living in one world. The answer is always the one that’s is easy to find.
benjamin says
im in charge of my own actions and im going to make mistakes
Lana says
This is so true . Thanks for sharing and reminding me.