by Jacob Sokol
“I’d always believed that a life of quality, enjoyment, and wisdom were my human birthright and would be automatically bestowed upon me as time passed. I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live – that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple, happy, uncomplicated life.”
-Dan Millman
Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness. These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives. (Check out her book The How of Happiness.)
I want to honor and discuss each of these 12 points, because no matter what part of life’s path we’re currently traveling on, these ‘happiness habits’ will always be applicable.
- Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Kinda cool right? So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that’s without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense. We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.
- Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
- Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority. Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out! If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made. What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place. If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.
- Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain. (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.) Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside. What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness. How extraordinary is that? Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on. A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin. Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.
- Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships. Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely? WHOA! There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with. We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.
- Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character. Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable. Forrest Gump knows the deal. It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan. It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.
- Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being. You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion. When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system. You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.
- Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still. It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task. Action and awareness are merged. You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional. You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing. Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.
- Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy. It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences. When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic. It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.
- Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force. Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere. When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing. Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.
- Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever. It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists. Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.”
- Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be. If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected. Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft? Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.
Jacob Sokol is committed to living an extraordinary life. Today he released “Living on Purpose – An Uncommon Guide to Finding, Living, and Rocking Your Life’s Purpose.” He also loves his mom dearly.
Photo by: Aurelio Asiain
Jacob Sokol says
Honored to contribute here. Thanx so much Marc!
Sam Seegars says
Oh Wow, I Love Your Site!
I’m a pretty happy person and I agree with your list completely. I hang my hat on #2 as the key for me, personally.
Sadly, I see many people out in the world who have a hard time getting through #7.
Thanks for sharing this great list.
Trudi says
I loved this post. I think even one out of the twelve things listed can help SO very much!
Thank you fir sharing this.
Saurabh Banerjee says
A good read as always. Many of these are great reminders for me. Much appreciated.
Marc says
The last few articles have been on things that have I have been thinking about alot lately. To Marc and Angel and the guest authors, stop reading my mind! 🙂 In all seriousness, thank you for these uplifting articles!
Fred Tracy says
This is a fantastic article.
I didn’t know that performing kind acts really releases serotonin in the brain. I have got to work on doing that one more. 😛
I think #3 is especially important. Constantly comparing ourselves to others will only result in unhappiness.
Rashmi says
Can be stated the other way too…12 things that actually make you a happy person 🙂
Good read…
Niklas says
Awesome as always 🙂 Keep the good stuff coming.
Karen says
I always find some inspiration from your posts, but today I was especially moved. Thanks for all of your hard work!
Sean says
Always the right post at the right time. Expressing gratitude and taking care of the body have been the most profound for me.
Sandra says
Doing well on all but #3 where I nosedive–I’m an ambitious creative type and it’s like I’m back in school and want to be the best in the class. Could you explain the ‘compare yourself to an older version of yourself’ thing better?
Aubrie says
Thanks for sharing such a great article. I love how practical this is.
Mandy says
#11 is actually the one that motivates me to act upon many of the others! 🙂 awesome.
Kaley Klemp says
Yet another fantastic post! I feel like printing all of these out and posting them somewhere I can remind myself of them frequently!
George Ginger says
This is an amazing article, full of exceedingly useful strategies to help all people live happier lives. However, as a person who has been diagnosed with depression and has struggled to overcome it, it seemed a bit unfair to me that you used the term pill poppers. I agree that there is a trend of over medicating and that people should actively seek other options, but from my experience, it was going on the drugs that helped me see that I COULD actively make positive changes in my life. Again, this is a fabulous article that I will be sharing. Thank you.
Anthony says
Thanks. Your web is an escential for me. Every week I hope your post. Congratulations
Alicia Dunams says
Forgiveness keeps me sane.
Ned Carey says
The tips above all have a similar trait. They are all things you do and are under your control.
It’s taken a long time but I have finally learned that happiness is a choice. Happiness is about how you act and how you respond to a situation.
Sushant says
One of the best blog posts I’ve ever read. As Sean said, it was the exact thing that I needed and it happened upon me at the right time. Thanks for posting.
cris says
Love this! Thanks always!
Crissa says
Number three is the main thing I need to work on. I think it’s afflicting my happiness the most and causing me to feel stressed, anxious and depressed all the time. I didn’t realize that until I saw it written out on the screen. Thanks for this.
lauren says
Thank you for this… #8 is an issue that I’ve encounter often- in this regard, I see a strong relationship to #3 and how certain social media platforms or ‘influence’ rankings inherently cause users to compare themselves to one another, ultimately inhibiting creativity and productivity. Great post!
Cara says
Two thumbs up for this post! “When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value.” This was very powerful for me. I’m going through a MAJOR growing process that will ultimately lead me to a higher place in life. However, growing processes aren’t usually that comfortable. I’ve been working on expressing gratitude for all that is going on in my life though. As I do this, I believe I will begin to see more value in this growing process that I’m in. Thanks for this post! Definitely needed it!
Jayme says
This is a lovely article with lots of great tips. However, I do want to take issue with the reference to “pill poppers.” There is a lot of evidence that exercise helps ease mild to moderate depression at rates similar to SSRIs. As long as you keep up the exercise, generally the good effects are also ongoing. However, a wider literature review also reveals that for people who are moderately to severely depressed, only 70% acheived full remission when adding exercise. Not only that, but antidepressants work faster, which is essential in cases of suicidality, or people who cannot attend work or to family life because of depression. Lastly, not every one is ABLE to exercise at the rates needed to replicate the studies. Recommended is 30 minutes of vigorous walking or cycling 5 times a week. Yes, this is what we should all be getting but there are those that are not physically able, those who have responsibilities that prevent this kind of exercise, and plus, people who are truly depressed will likely find this kind of schedule to be utterly overwhelming. So, yes, exercise is great but before we criticize those of us whose lives have more or less been saved by “popping” pills, please take a step back and consider what you are saying. Also, a citation or two might be appropriate!
Carlos says
Thanks for the list. If you want to be happy, start doing these things. Start living differently.
David Kaiser says
Great read. Thank you.
Bu says
I’m guilty of overthinking & social comparison(#3)…Thanks for reminding me that it can be poisonous. You translated to the words what I’ve been feeling so splendidly.
Andrea says
Thanks for this. I do agree that exercise and a good diet can help with depression. Maybe not as quick, but it definitely helps.
Chibi Jeebs says
I’m with Jayme. This was a great read, right up until the jab at “pill poppers.” Mental illness – including depression – is an illness: it’s no different than something like diabetes. Surely you wouldn’t tell a diabetic to replace his insulin with exercise?
Marc says
@Jayme and Chibi: I agree with you both. And as the owner of this blog, I had the authority to remove ‘the jab,’ so I did.
Otherwise I agree, Jacob wrote a magnificent article on happiness.
farouk says
Great post Marc, especially point number 3, the times where i was sad the most were the times i used to over think about things i cant control. Thanks for the reminders 🙂
Robert says
Thanks. As a dad to a 6 year old, I witness myself showing my son how to be happy. He loves fitness, we thank God for our lives, we do many of these things daily. Still, it’s a good reminder for us. I will show him this list and we will discuss it. He’s a very bright boy, and somewhere, on an important level, I know he can digest this article.
Thanks again, I will make a link on my Facebook.
Ron
Alain says
Gratitude & Acts of Kindness are my favourite.
Thank you for sharing those amazing tips on being Happy.
Troglodyke says
I enjoy your blog very much and have learned a lot from it. I’m happy to say I already embrace much on the list.
However, I take exception to #11, especially this: “When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever.”
As an atheist (since puberty; I’m 45 now) who embraces all the other things on that list, I wonder why those who believe in what cannot be proven want to think that those of us who don’t believe think we are “the mightiest thing ever.” I have never thought that. The universe is so vast, and life came together with such happenstance on this one little planet at just the right time–we are specks in the universe! Interestingly enough, so many believers seem to think that humans are “special” because of some creator. I think that’s more hubris, actually.
I choose to live my life without belief in the supernatural, and I am very content. I know that research says believers are happier, and that may be true simply because 1. they are greater in number and 2. giving your cares over to someone else will surely make you feel better (ignorance is bliss?). I know religion and spirituality are helpful to a lot of people, but millions of us are good (and quite happy) without god(s).
Just thought you should know.
Jacob Sokol says
@Jayme and Chibi: No offense intended – my apologies if you were left with a sour taste in your mouth.
I know what it feel like to be depressed. I mean, if i stop and think about it, that’s exactly why I’m living my life the way i do and writing articles like this. And granted, I’ve had it nowhere nearly as bad as many others, but i do sympathize with the everyday struggle to sustain a seemingly bearable life.
I only wish the best for everyone.
My allergy to all this “pill popping” is that it’s such big business and when corporate interest is involved, our best interest is often times not. America is a magnificent country – one that has supplied me with an endless stream of things to be ridiculously grateful for – and i am – but there’s no denying that much of it’s economy is built on keeping people sick (by instilling poor health habits into us) and then charging us a fortune to get better (with quick fixes and “pill-popping” solutions).
My issue is with the system – not the person. I did not do justice in expressing that. Hopefully this comment will make up for it. If you would like to talk personally, feel free to call me at (347)398-2814. Virtual hugs.
Lynne says
Hi Jacob,
I really enjoyed reading this post – as I do with all that you share.
‘Compare yourself to an oldeer version of yourself’ in point number 3 really stood out for me.
Yes I can sucumbe to comparison to another, which I agree can be a destructive negative stance, it has been for me.
I also find that if I compare myself to the me of my past then I also am open, on ‘bad days’ to seeing how I may be ‘less or worse’ than I used to be. So again a negative effect can ensue.
But after reading your post if I think of comparing myself to my older self in my future then I am more able to see how I potentially will have grown, connected, emersed myself in my life.
I will continue to look at this & journal on it too. Thank you for opening up this to me. Bless you & All good things to you. x
Laura Sullivan-Nelsen says
I like this… Everyone should read it; I intend to show this to my kids too.
Siobhra DeWar says
I am 64 years old and for a large part of my life I lived opposite of your list. When I pulled myself out of it (with the help of good friends) my spirits picked up.
Now I am 58 lbs lighter without trying. I am going everywhere with so much to do. A lot of friends and I am doing things most my age can’t.
And I feel great.
Andrew | Self Help Products says
This is one of the best articles I have read in a while.
Definitely #1, gratitude, resonates with me the most… too often I think about how my life could be much better than it currently is. But then I realize that I have excellent health, a great job, 3 beautiful kids, and I live with the woman of my dreams… that always puts a smile on my face.
And #2, optimism, is so important as well. Last week my friend passed away from cancer at the age of 33. He was so accepting and optimistic to the very end, despite his pain and suffering.
Nelvin says
Your site is a haven for relaxation. I agree with this list as I can relate to it. The only things I still am working on are 10 and 12. But anyway, I’m happy.
Jon Ferriss says
#10 and #12 – these two, IMHO, are the most important parts of any successful, well lived life. Stray from your goals and you will start losing respect – your friends’, your parents’ and most importantly, your own.
#12, of course, is without doubt THE most important ingredient of a happy life. You really can’t be happy if your knees are hurting and you can barely walk.
Kate says
I love this post about increasing happiness. Very inspiring with lots of easy to use tips that we can all use each day. I am going to print it out as a useful reminder.
Travis says
Hey guys,
Great article! Not only notes about how happy people handle situations differently, but also a great guide for how to work on the tools for creating happiness on demand.
Personally I find that happiness is the default state, and that we only stray from that to the extent that we are driven by unquestioned habits and/or unexamined assumptions about what we truly are. However, that requires some digging into, and there is no reason why you can’t use a therapeutic method to get more happiness in your daily life at the same time.
Well done!
Cheers!
judith says
All 12 things are great, but what struck me was #1. Gratitude, this is actually the meaning of my name, and I have not be showing much it lately. Thanks for reminding me.
Kirtida says
This is one of the best blogs.
Most happy folks can relate to at least one or more points. It feels like — we are reading our own minds! Great summary!
Libby says
I have been suffering from mild to severe depression for a little over 3 years now. Looking back at the old me I can see that I practiced all of the above & was a happy fulfilled individual. But then I let #6 #10 & #12 get to me & once that was lost I developed all the other negative actions & ways of thinking that kept me down in the dumps for so long. Basically everything spiralled out of control & until I read this post I couldn’t pinpoint my own sabatoge. Now that I know what to do I will begin slowly rebuilding myself until it becomes second nature again. Thank you & g-d bless!
Flighty says
Awesome tips, more than half of these tips define why I LOVE running marathons! For those looking for a new goal and a greater perspective on life I highly recommend Jeff Galloway’s run/walk approach, start with a 5k and progress to a marathon, it’s addicting but so fulfilling!!
Matt says
Great read. I have been having a lot of personal battles with some of these things especially number 3. Its nice to no that these problems are normal and that they can be overcome. Thanks for the inspiration.
mhb says
Wonderful article, though I agree 100% with Troglodyke on #11.
If anything, being free from religion and, especially, a belief in an afterlife has only made me happier. Believing that this life is all we have, why would one choose to spend it being anything but happy?
If this is all we have, let us all make the most of it…and be kind to each other for the sake of spreading happiness, not because it’s something we’re “called” to do.
Max says
“Learn to forgive” for me is similar to “Learn to let go”. I think happy people have the ability to see when they need to fight for their happiness or when they need to “let go”.