When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
- Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
- Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
- Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
- Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
- Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
- Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
- Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
- Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
- Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
- Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
- Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
- Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
- Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
- Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
- Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
- Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
- Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
- Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. (Read Getting Things Done.)
- Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
- Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
- Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
- Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
- Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
- Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
Update: Read our follow-up to this post: 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
Photo by: Rob Brucker
Jason Scott says
Thanks for yet another practical and thought invoking post. I like your style, helpful and selfless. I’ll tell my friends to check you out. Great stuff!
Swanson says
I see myself all over in this list. Thanks for the excellent reminders and advice. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
Grateful says
I normally don’t put a lot of stock in self help stuff, but this list came along at the right time. Thank you.
Karina says
This couldn’t have come in better time for me – exactly what I needed today! Thank you so much for these inspirational suggestions 🙂
Carolyn @ Eat.Live.Be Well says
Agreed with the other commenters. Your lists always provoke some internal dialogue on how I can be a better person. Thanks.
Rog in Miami Gardens says
This comes just in time for New Years Resolutions season. Thanks!
marc van der linden says
Great advice, Marc! One of my favorite articles so far.
I love your points on the beauty of small, simple moments. We only have to be present and look at them to create bursts of happiness in our lives.
Luke says
At first, thirty points seems like a lot to work on all at once, but you certainly packed a lot of practical, useful advice into this one article. I can relate to much of what you discuss here.
Temora says
Great thoughts! I really admire your suggestions, especially going into this holiday season and new year when I will have more time to reflect on my life and where I’m heading next. Thanks.
Kevin Moreau says
Such a practical read. Your post really made my day, thank you 30 times!
Brian says
Thanks for another extraordinary post! I always get excited when my inbox has a new message from Marc and Angel!!!
catherine says
I agree with Marc, this is one of my favourite lists. I sometimes find it hard to believe how self-destructive we can be. This is a great reminder as to what we should let go of in 2012. I especially like no. 10 – I have done this time and time again and always ended up very disappointed.
Ani Todd Smith says
Perfect timing on this one! I had been thinking on some of these things earlier today – small changes I need to make. Looking forward to conquering these changes in the new year!
TLC says
Wonderfully said! Thanks for sharing!
Deb says
Definitely put things into perspective and made me realize some important things I need to work on. Thanks.
Katybeth says
I think number 1 is so key. Since I tend to absorb other people’s feeling and moods it works for me to surround myself with happy positive people–it’s a lot a double shot energy!
Evelyn says
Thank you so much for this post. There is so much wisdom in it, I am absolutely blown away by how insightful and helpful it is. I’ve shared this link with all of my coworkers, close friends and family. Hope you have a wonderful winter holiday! 🙂
Ramachandra says
Absolutely amazing advice! Your blog never disappoints.
Roxane says
Loved this article. I struggle with trying to live all your points. I know if I don’t keep on trying then the result will always be the same. My wonderful husband is going through changes in his life and many of these points will help him also. I think I will print and have at the ready whenever needed. Thanks!
Janice says
Thanks for putting these thoughts all together – I will share this with friends and colleagues – we can always use a reminder – we just never know when someone will read an idea and their perspective on everything in their life will change. Change is what it is really all about. Hari Om
Margaret Gwemende says
Beautiful article. Thanks for the reminders and advice. And thanks for continuing to write useful content. Can’t wait for more…
Derick Van Ness says
Great Post Marc…
I coach people in growing their small businesses through engaging their talents and passions, but many of the things you’ve listed here steal their dreams or hold them back.
Thanks for sharing this and making it concrete enough that people can use this post as a tool for growth. Nice work!
Kelly says
Thanks – at a time of year when so many things are happening and the pressure’s the highest, these reminders were much needed. Truly well written and definitely useful. I’ve bookmarked your site and will come back to read the rest of it in my in-between moments.
Polly Campbell says
Great thoughts here. It’s so easy to let our minds and Egos run-away with us; to start thinking we are at the whim of circumstance. Your post is a reminder that we have a choice in how we will create our lives. Taking on even one of the points you mentioned will make a difference in how we experience each moment.
Tasneem says
Every one of these 30 points is excellent. One needs to read and ponder over them almost daily. This article has helped me reaffirm my direction for the upcoming year.
hypnodude says
There are so many good points in this post that’s really difficult to say which is my favorite. One thing is for sure though, we should check and deal with each point, one at a time, over an extended period. Great post.
A Diva State of Mind says
Thank you for this post!!! I am definitely going to share this with friends. This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time 🙂
Danya says
One word:
Word!
OK – and a few more:
Thank you very much for writing this. 🙂
Maria Marinakis says
Great things to keep in mind. We need to keep vigilant and continue cleaning out the junk so that we can focus on the really great stuff.
Tatjana says
These points are all so true, and if we could pay intention to them every day we all would be happier and more productive. Thanks for the food for thought.
dennis says
Great reminders, true guidance for life! 30 Commandments to be followed sincerely.
deeraspberry says
I really enjoyed this article. There are many lists like this on the Internet, but yours is informative, fun, true, and a step above the competition.
Becca says
It feels as if these were written just for me. I will read, study, take each one to heart. Thank you.
marija says
Love it! Inspiring and practical at the same time.
Susan says
Excellent article! Such sage words. Thank you! I am sharing this…
sudan says
Amazing! How do you manage to get such motivating thoughts together consistently, week after week? This is really one of the blogs where I keep waiting for a new post. Sometimes it seems like you are my primary source of motivation. You should try to write even more frequently so that the number of motivated people increases day by day by reading yours articles. Oh, and I think its almost time for you to publish a book.
Faye says
Thank you for this, I’m going to print it out and reflect on it often 🙂
Leland says
Thank you. I needed this, a heck of a lot more than you can possibly imagine.
Graeme says
Awesome article with some great one-liners I will commit to memory, cheers!
Robby G says
This is a great post. Makes you a much more productive person living like this.
Sonty says
Awesome article! One suggestion though for all the readers out there. I learned a very valuable lesson, that what we resist persists. I also learned that framing declarations in the present-tense works wonders. So consider reframing these as such. For instance, in #1, instead of saying to yourself, “Stop spending time with the wrong people,” instead, say, “I am spending time with the right people.” Remove the negative from your frame of mind and only focus on the positive in the “now.” It’s a subtle difference in semantics, but it can be powerful!
Shelley says
Haha thanks a lot, this is a very thoughtful article that probably helped/will continue to help those in need of some inspiration. I love it! 🙂 Everyone stay happy and healthy.
Rob says
The main thing I don’t like about this article is that I didn’t write it. Good work, Marc and Angel!
John Sherry says
Stop everything else and read this post – a stunner! You really know people inside out Marc and what I love about this post is it takes people on in the most positive manner. No criticism or complaint or attack, merely a strong call to action and to self-awareness and self-actualisation. To stop is to start!
Eleanor Burns says
Thanks for this post! I needed this today, and for the year ahead.
Amanda says
I hope you know how much of an impact you have on all of the people who read these… It’s always intriguing, thought provoking, stimulating and beautiful. Such a fresh breath of air… My favorite website, absolutely… Keep doing what you’re doing!!! 🙂 And thank you for your effort.
Mario says
I love this list! Simply one of the best you’ve ever written.
Stina says
Wonderfully well written! Puts things in perspective for me. Thanks.
Stacie Walker says
Wow! Marc, I appreciate all 30 tips. This is an excellent way to make improvements in all areas of my life.
Keep up the wonderful work and thank you for being an inspiration to me.
Many Blessings,
Stacie Walker
Woman in Leadership – Essential Knowledge for Business Success
April D. Thompson says
Awesome words to live by. I so needed this today! Sharing with EVERYONE!!