Family isn’t always blood. They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs – the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be. These people – your real family – are the ones who truly matter.
Here are twenty tips to help you find and foster these special relationships:
- Free yourself from negative people. – Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the only way to truly live. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
- Let go of those who are already gone. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are. So when people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you. It doesn’t mean they are bad people; it just means that their part in your story is over.
- Give people you don’t know a fair chance. – When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them, and forced them to grow. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours. We meet no ordinary people in our lives. If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer. So appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
- Show everyone kindness and respect. – Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. People will notice your kindness.
- Accept people just the way they are. – In most cases it’s impossible to change them anyway, and it’s rude to try. So save yourself from needless stress. Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.
- Encourage others and cheer for them. – Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
- Be your imperfectly perfect self. – In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self. And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same. Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. Be your imperfectly perfect self around them. We are not perfect for everyone, we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are. And to those select few, being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love about us.
- Forgive people and move forward. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life. Remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.
- Do little things every day for others. – Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.
- Pay attention to who your real friends are. – As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones. Remember, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life. They are the ones who matter most.
- Always be loyal. – True love and real friendship aren’t about being inseparable. These relationships are about two people being true to each other even when they are separated. When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority. Loyalty is everything.
- Stay in better touch with people who matter to you. – In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words. Stay in touch with those who matter to you. Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. Paying attention to these people is a priority.
- Keep your promises and tell the truth. – If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always better to tell people the truth up front. Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies. Remember, love and friendship don’t hurt. Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts. Never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of yours. Always be open and honest.
- Give what you want to receive. – Don’t expect what you are not willing to give. Start practicing the golden rule. If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want money, provide value. It works. It really is this simple. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
- Say what you mean and mean what you say. – Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable. Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication functioning. Start communicating clearly. Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try to read yours. Most problems, big and small, within a family, friendship, or business relationships, start with bad communication.
- Allow others to make their own decisions. – Do not judge others by your own past. They are living a different life than you are. What might be good for one person may not be good for another. What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better. Allow people to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.
- Talk a little less, and listen more. – Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement. What they want to know is often already somewhere inside of them. They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.
- Leave petty arguments alone. – Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right. There are many roads to what’s right. And most of the time it just doesn’t matter that much. Read How To Win Friends and Influence People.
- Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary. – No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently. So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right. What most people think and say about you isn’t all that important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
- Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. – One of the most painful things in life is losing yourself in the process of loving others too much, and forgetting that you are special too. When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters? When was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there? When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?
Photo by: Jeff Bauche
Phillis Benson says
I love this article! Thank you for the heartfelt advice.
Jen says
I love, love, love your blog! You are so helpful and encouraging! Also, thanks so much for the wonderful resources and links you always provide.
becky towey says
Love this advice! I look forward to reading all the insight you have to offer! Thanks.
Lauren Johnson says
Another great read! You guys have changed my life this last year… thank you so much.
Elly says
Forgiving makes a person happy and free. Wonderful advice! Thanks 🙂
Lee says
This is such a fantastic article! It holds true for everyone!
Gabriela says
I loved this article! It really did motivate me and opened my eyes to see some of my relationships from a different point of view.
Keep up the good work!
marc van der Linden says
Great list, especially #4. I think being friendly and showing kindness to everyone is the minimum you can do to make the world a better place.
Thanks for sharing these great ideas.
Akasha says
I cannot get enough of you guys! THANK YOU for doing what you do and sharing what you’ve learned on your journey ♥
Evans says
Thanks for the wonderful advice. It’s been a blessing for me.
Bonita says
Thank you for such a wonderful post. I just found your site, and already feel lucky.
Ann says
Thank you. What a great list! I have a husband who has taught me a lot about the importance of little acts of kindness, a daughter who I need to ‘mean what I say’ to, a friend who is negative at times, and myself whom I sometimes don’t get along with! So there’s plenty of advice here that is relevant to my life.
DeGary Delgado says
Your articles always inspire me… Thank you!
Leroy Angelone says
I truly appreciate for your post. One of your best. Great advice.
Carolyn says
The timing of this post today was amazing for me. It helped me put a difficult situation in perspective. Thank you.
Paul says
Jim Rohn said :
“Sharpen your interest in two major subjects: life and people. You will only gather information from a source if you are interested in it.”
The first subject ( life ) is easy. It’s exciting and interesting to study…
The second one ( people )…sometime…often times…ALWAYS hard. Especially if you’re not interested ( but for some reason have to study ).
Everything you said is true and applicable when it comes to your friends… when it comes to family, these principles are a bit harder to apply.
rob says
Nice Post! I would love to read an article on building good character and values and how to sustain for years. It would make a great follow-up.
Shirly Oh says
Thank you, this really touches my heart to the core! Brilliant honesty! Love it and sharing it with all my loved ones! Peace and joy!
Christine says
Thank you so much for the great post. I loved this quote…”It doesn’t mean they are bad people; it just means that their part in your story is over.”. Your blog is such a gift. Thank you.
Jason Scott says
I’m big on #13, keep your promises. People can be so selfish when they make promises, not realising or caring that others are depending on them. Broken promises effect people in many ways, and sometimes for many years. Please keep your word when you give it.
Thanks for the great post.
Tim says
SUPER!!! As always.
Mae says
I really love this post. So inspiring and true.
Ravi says
Simple, but very effective advice. Thanks so much for this good read.
Amy Jo Lauber says
I just love your posts, I appreciate their simple truths. The biggest challenge, however, is acting on them. It’s all about taking small steps forward.
Cat says
Hey Marc and Angel, I wanted to let you know I have every single one of your articles saved, and I look at them on a regular basis to help plan out my life.
Just a word of thanks! 🙂
vijay says
Amazing post as always! Kudos!
Human relationships are incredibly complex.
I am sharing this on my group/blog : Hrudayam
Amy says
Thank You for another great post!!
Question: What if those negative people in your life are your family members who you have to see every day? How do you deal with them? I try my best not to let their words and commentary get to me but at the end, I still get bummed out. Any advice?
Ani Todd Smith says
Another perfect post! I should just print out all of your blogs and just post them all over the house…
Nea | Self Improvement Saga says
As usual there are so many great ones here. #20 was just absolutely perfect though. I don’t think we can ever be better as a spouse, friend, boss, employee, parent or associate than we are as a person. We have to be our personal best and that starts with loving ourselves deeply, completely and unconditionally.
Juliette says
I simply love this.
Josh @ Live Well Simply says
Good advice. Relationships are definitely dynamic and just when you think you’ve figured them out, something changes, leaving you to question if you knew what you THOUGHT you knew about them 🙂
Laurie says
Thank you again. I came across your site a few weeks ago, and just love your outlook on life and your practical advice for people. I would like to mention your site on my blog if that is ok.
Jill. says
I look forward to these very informative and thoughtful posts every week. Living a good life has become easier thanks to you.
Mof says
I love your blog. It always gives me something to think about that inevitably changes my perspective.
Shalini says
I love your blog! You two are so inspiring!
Thank you 🙂
Fraha Vatral says
Thank you for this post. I can use these words and thoughts in a few areas of my life right now.
Michael B. says
I actually woke up this morning thinking about people I need to forgive, one of them being myself. Your advice is always right on the mark! Thanks!
kim Sanderson says
This article is one of my all-time favorites!!!
john k. says
Good read. Honestly, much of it can be distilled down to points #11, #13, and #15. Everything else will fall into line much more easily as a result. Believe it or not, these notions are quite Taoist in nature.
kalanicut says
This is great. Such excellent reminders we all need as we move along the path of life. It’s easy to forget these things, even when we know them. Thanks for sharing.
Amanda says
Keep up the good work! Love the advice you provide and have been sharing with friends and family! 🙂
Adam B says
I always enjoy your blog – thanks for the inspiration and wisdom.
I have to say though, I’m a bit confused by your concept of just accepting who you or other people “are” (5 and 7). I disagree with that – possibly because of my own misunderstanding.
When people grow and improve, ridding themselves of bad habits and character traits they will find themselves happier. As the writers of this blog you obviously understand that. By helping others make these changes you are helping them find happiness – to me this is an expression of love.
Perhaps what you’re saying is: accept others and yourself as you are – but encourage and help them grow to be better. This I can agree with.
Annette says
Loved your post about relationships. I would like permission to re-post on my blog. Giving you credit and a link back to your blog. Please let me know. Thanks!
Sara says
This is so wonderful! And so are great relationships. Thank you for the inspiring reminder.
Mary says
Another insightful read. I LOVE your blog.
Rajiv Kumar Luv says
Hi Marc & Angel
I was looking for some answers to my relationship problems with my close people, being a trainer in soft skills, I was aware of these solutions, but the way you have put the points across is awesome!
This article has given me a great deal of solace, and I am sure I will be able to stop spending time on people who hurt me and start spending more time on people who love and respect me.
Thanks
Alim says
I never ever comment on people’s blog posts – but what you are doing is great!
Ashley Verkuilen says
LOVE this article!!! It really touched me.
Marc says
@Paul: There’s no question, family issues are always the most difficult relationship issues to cope with. But most of the same principles apply. Sometimes it is necessary to take a few steps back, let the tension ease, and give both parties time to think.
@ Annette: Please just re-post a few of the bullet points you like most and then link back to our blog for the full article.
@: Adam B: You don’t misunderstand anything. You answered your own question. 🙂 You simply have to accept people the way they are, give them your support, and lead by example. You can’t change them directly, but you can help them change themselves.
@All: Thanks, as always, for the love and support. We love reading all your comments.
frugalportland says
Lovely article. 🙂