post written by: Marc Chernoff

11 Things You Forget You’re Doing Wrong


11 Things You Forget You’re Doing Wrong

Don’t forget, when you stop doing the wrong things, the right things eventually catch you.

So make sure you’re not…

  1. Making blind judgments. – Don’t always judge a person by what they show you.  What you’ve seen is oftentimes only what that person has chosen to show you, or what they were driven to show based on their inner stress and pain.  Too often we jump to conclusions, only to cause ourselves and others unnecessary worry, hurt, and anger.  So exercise restraint, be kind, and save the jumping for joy.
  2. Expecting people to be perfect. – When you open up to love, you must be open up to getting hurt as well.  If you expect to love someone, and not have disappointment every now and then, then you don’t want love, you want something perfect that doesn’t exist.  When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can start appreciating them for who they truly are.  Read The 5 Love Languages.
  3. Focusing on everything and everyone except YOU. – Make the world a better place one person at a time, and start with YOU.  If you’re looking out into the world to find where your purpose resides, stop, and look inside instead.  Look at who you already are, the lifestyle you choose to live, and what makes you come alive.  Then nurture these things and let them grow until your current life can no longer contain them.  And finally, as you’re being forced to grow, follow them into the world with courage, trusting that where they will take you will be where your purpose finds its home.
  4. Holding on to the wrong things for too long. – To let go isn’t to forget.  Letting go involves cherishing the memories, overcoming the obstacles, and moving on.  To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow.  It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead.  It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes and continue taking positive steps forward.
  5. Denying your mistakes. – Mistakes are almost always forgivable if you have the courage to admit them.  You have to be courageous and wise enough to know that if what you are doing isn’t producing the desired results, you must take different actions.  Sometimes falling flat on your face is exactly what’s needed to help you see things from a totally different perspective, and get back on track.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
  6. Avoiding your fears. – Go to your fears, sit with them, and stare at them.  Your fears are your friend; their only job is to show you undeveloped parts of yourself that you need to cultivate to live a happy life.  The more you do the things you’re most afraid of doing, the more life opens up.  Embrace your fears and your fears will embrace you.
  7. Accepting less than you know you deserve. – Do not sacrifice your heart or your dignity.  Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for the wrong reasons.  Do not get so anxious for something that you’ll accept anything.  Hold to your standards and be willing to walk away, with your head held high.
  8. Storing mental clutter. – Just as you don’t move from one home to another without first sorting through what you’ve gathered over the years, throwing away what is broken and no longer useful, so too should you do the same with what you’ve mentally gathered, before you move on.  Do some sorting, throw away regrets and old pains, and take only the treasures worth keeping: The lessons, the love, and the best of what you’ve lived.
  9. Worrying about things that can’t be changed. – One of the happiest moments ever is when you feel the courage to let go of what you can’t change.  Refuse to ruin a perfectly good today by thinking about a bad yesterday.  The past cannot be changed, forgotten, or erased.  However, the lessons learned can prepare you for a brighter tomorrow.  Read The Power of Now.
  10. Letting hope gradually slip away. – Every mistake, breakup, and setback in life is an opportunity to do it better next time.  So keep your head held high.  We can live without a lot of things, but hope isn’t one of them.  Cultivate hope by latching onto stories of triumph, and words that inspire.  But most of all, listen to the quiet whisper of your inner strength when it tells you that this is only temporary, and that you will get through this stronger than you were before.
  11. Thinking it’s too late. – Whether you know it or not the rest of your life is being shaped right now.  You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices, or you can fight back.  Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world; that’s just the way it is.  But for the most part you get what you give.  The rest of your life is being shaped by the goals you chase, the choices you make, and the actions you take.  The rest of your life is a long time, and it starts right now.

Photo by: Robert Fornal

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30 Comments

  • Great morning read for all that desire to grow beyond their present bar. Thanks for this inspiring and slightly heartbreaking rebuke and admonition. It has really made my day a bit more focused.

  • I continue to love each and every article you publish here. This one slapped me (in a productive way) right when I needed it.

  • Expectation is my crutch! I know I have issues with number 2. Thanks for reminding me that I need to work on it.

    As always, great post. :)

  • This post is so great!! I will need to introspect myself.

  • The wake-up call I needed today. Thanks for another solid post Marc.

  • I really loved this post! :)

  • Marc:

    The bad news/good news for me. Bad news: I recognize myself in some of these. Good news: I do have some awareness of what I am doing and continue to work on these.

    Thanks for another insightful post.

    Best regards,

    David

  • Very interesting, informative and educative.

  • Point #1 “Making Blind Judgments” is a tricky one. Spiritual teacher Sonia Choquette teaches people to ‘trust their vibes.’ If you get a vibe from a person that indicates he/she may not be for your highest good, and don’t listen to it, you could set yourself up for trouble. How many times have you ignored your ‘intuition’ about people only get burned in the end? It’s a ‘catch 22.’ You’re damned if you trust your ‘gut instinct’ (you’re judged for judging someone) about people and you’re damned if you don’t. Tough one.

  • Bravo, “I am still learning.” ~ Michelangelo

  • For some things though (usually not financial) it IS too late. And I think it’s very important for people to be able to recognize and see that too. Often it’s not too late and you shoudl go for it, try, do your thing, because it’s rarely too late; but on occasion, it IS too late, and when it is, it’s important to stay mindful enough to know that and accept that, and be able to move on. That’s what I think anyway.

  • Great food for thought!

  • This is something I really needed. All the 11 points are superb. I like it when you say ‘if you are open up to love, be open up for being hurt’ superb. I love you both Marc and Angel.

  • Quote of the week for me:  “The rest of your life is being shaped by the goals you chase, the choices you make, and the actions you take.  The rest of your life is a long time, and it starts right now.”

    Thank you for supplying it.

  • once again, a blog worth reading over and over again. i have taken a break from referring to Anthony Robin’s book ever since i discovered your blog.

  • I really love reading your posts, and this is my first time commenting.

    Re #6, avoiding fears. For example, how do you propose that someone embrace, accept, or cultivate the fear of death or the fear of suffering from severe mental illness by “doing the things that you are most afraid of”? I can’t wrap my brain around that.

  • In response to Susan’s fear of death or mental illness — that’s certainly a tough one. I can only tell you what I have done and maybe it’ll be of some help.

    Through extreme self observation and awareness, without any self-judgment, I noticed what I was hanging on to. I noticed that my fear of death and illness was an attachment to the physical, the body, the “temporary” and not my higher self.

    I began to realize that all things work out. All things are for a reason. The fear pointed me to things that are NOT temporary. I realized I’m so much more than this mind, this body, this manifestation in physical form.

    Certainly I haven’t lost all fear of dying, illness or mental issues but I’ve made huge strides towards that end thanks to this approach.

    I wish you well, Susan. :-)

  • As always, I must say thank you for inspiring me today.

  • Reading your articles every morning is so inspiring. It’s helping me move forward from a situation I found hard to let go of. Every day I learn to appreciate myself and life more and more… Thank you, your words are very powerful.

  • A big thank you…a big wake up call for me.

  • Great post guys. hard to argue with any of theses great nuggets. When it comes to approaching a new day I try to remember that “If I have one foot in yesterday and another in tomorrow I crap all over today” and the TODAY is all that matters. The past is history and the future a mystery so all we have is now (do your best) Read “The 4 Agreements”.

  • Enjoyed the tips in this post!

  • Great article. We often do forget to look at ourselves and this reminds us all to do that. JUST what I needed this morning. Have a great day everyone.

  • Although I am improving, entries 6 and 9 are my weaknesses i think. Part of me thinks these feelings are natural, and then I wonder if it is nurture that creates the way we think.

    Keep up the good work!

  • Lessons learned: you never know as much as you think you do. Always leave room to negatively surprised especially by those closest to you. Rise above the negativity however because if you dwell on the negative response of action if will destroy you.Take it all in stride. enjoy this moment , this day, this hour . tomorrow is not promised. Today is a gift . Breathe and Live. It sucks merely existing , live and enjoy as much of this life as you can while you are alive. You can live in turmoil or you can live loving life. It’s your choice.

  • #12. Ignoring your dreams and desires.

  • Points 10 and 11 really resonated with me. I think that hope is one of the most powerful things we can cling to.

    Some may argue that hope can be a dangerous thing in the sense that it can give a false security. That being said, I have hoped for so many things that came to pass.

    That is why I love reading blogs like these because most battles are won and lost in the mind. What we create or envision often becomes reality.

    Powerful stuff!

  • Love, love, love your blogs — #4 is so perfectly worded. Thanks for always choosing the right words to capture what I feel in my heart!

  • Great post but I am really struggling to let go of someone at the moment who has left me to move on with another person. It is so hard but I know over time it will get better.

  • Great message! I’m working through #11 right now. It’s easy to just shelf your dreams because you think you’re past your prime. In reality we’re never past our prime, we just need to believe it.

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