10 Ways to Break Your Own Heart

10 Ways to Break Your Own Heart

The worst kind of heartache is the kind you inflict on yourself.

If you don’t want to break your own heart, then don’t…

  1. Let people invalidate or minimize how you feel. – If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you.  Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever.  No one else lives in your body, or sees life through your eyes.  No one else has lived through your exact experiences.  And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel.  Your feelings are important.  Don’t let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.
  2. Regret every mistake you’ve ever made. – If you regret some of the decisions you’ve made in the past, stop being so hard on yourself.  At that time, you did your best with the knowledge you had.  At that time, you did your best with the experience you had.  Your decisions were made with a younger mind.  If you were to make these decisions with the wisdom you have now, you would choose differently.  So give yourself a break.  Time and experience has a wonderful way of helping us prosper, grow and learn to make better choices today, for ourselves and those we care for.  Read Emotional Freedom.
  3. Take your loved ones for granted. – Someday, for one reason or another, there will be someone you miss dearly.  Missing this person will have nothing to do with how long it’s been since you’ve seen them, or the amount of time since you’ve talked.  It will be about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish they were right there with you.  So be sure to appreciate every moment you get to spend with the people who matter to you.
  4. Let your ego get the best of you. – Sometimes we choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride.  When two people who care about each other fight, both are wrong.  They have put some kind of superficial outcome over love and compromise.  The one who apologizes and makes up first, is the one who is right.
  5. Get involved in every petty argument that comes your way. – Being strong doesn’t mean you have to stay and fight all the battles and petty arguments that come your way.  Being strong doesn’t mean you have to respond to rude remarks.  Don’t retort by throwing insults back at them.  Don’t bring yourself down to their level.  That’s what they want.  Keep your dignity.  True strength is being smart enough to walk away from all the nonsense with your head held high.  Read The Four Agreements.
  6. Join the negativity committee. – No matter how much negativity is thrown at you by others, there is absolutely no need for you to stay put and participate in the self-destruction they choose for their own lives.  You decide how your soul grows.  The extent of your happiness depends on the quality of your thoughts.  So be positive.  Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet.
  7. Rush love. – A good relationship is when two people accept each other’s past, support each other’s present, and love each other enough to encourage each other’s future.  So don’t rush love.  Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back.  This is what true love is all about, and it’s always worth the wait.
  8. Hold on to those who don’t want to stay. – It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go of, but it’s even more painful to hold on to them if they never wanted to stay in the first place.  If someone doesn’t show you the same love that you show them, and acts as if you are unimportant most of the time, this may be a big clue as to the fact that you don’t need them in your life either.  The only people you truly need in your life are those who respect you and want you to be in theirs.
  9. Ignore every bit of constructive criticism you receive. – The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.  A true friend will always speak the truth, even if it hurts.  So don’t assume that every critic in your life is a hater.  Not everyone is hating on you.  Some people truly care about you, and are simply telling you the truth that you have been subconsciously denying.  Read The Mastery of Love.
  10. Give up on yourself. – Maneuvering through difficult times is a lot like driving through dense fog.  You can’t always see where you’re going, you feel a little lost, you want to turn back, and every mile feels like forever.  Yet, scared or fatigued as you might be, there’s nothing you can do but breathe, focus on the road ahead, keep moving forward, and trust that a force with keener vision than yours is out there functioning as your guide.

Photo by: Shandi-lee Cox


  1. Bronze says

    @Rachael, I love your question. Boy, oh, boy, did I spend over 20 years asking the same thing. Whose emotions are correct? Why am I walking on egg shells? Why does he get so angry? Are his feelings valid? Is not finding a carpark on a Saturday morning really a good enough reason for a melt down? What kept me stuck and spinning was self help gurus and relationship books that entreated me to not take things personally, to give positivity out and that is SURELY what I would get back, right? Always be friendly, helpful, emotionally regulated and by default everyone else around you will magically mirror your lovely positive vibes. Same for relationship and marriage books – blah, blah, blah. – basically unhelpful. Same for marriage counseling – when she looked at me and told me I needed to SELF SOOTHE when he gave me the silent treatment as if I hadn’t already been doing that for 20 years and was hanging on by my nails, I knew that sometimes, just sometimes, these self help, positive vibe, concentrate on yourself blogs, books, counselors ARE WRONG. Why should I self soothe any more? How nice can you be with utter rudeness back until you realise that some people don’t fit into a lovely paradigm of what you give you get? Some people are to put it bluntly, F****d, and there it not one self help, positive relationship tactic you will ever be able to employ that won’t leave you wounded and confused. That is where you draw your boundaries – time to let go and move on and it that takes some un-niceness, so be it. For years, I tried the nice, self help guru crap in the face of a psycho – life is not neat. What you give out very rarely comes back unless you keep your circle very small or you are very young and had the good fortune of being born into a family you loved you and could provide for you. If somebody is causing you to walk on egg shells – KICK THEM TO THE CURB and don’t be nice about it. Sometimes life isn’t meringue – it’s broken eggs. There is evil in this world and pretending there isn’t and it’s all a matter of perspective or changing ones behaviour, is doing a great disservice to everybody who is living with it or trying to leave it or heal from it. Good luck.


  1. Number 8 is a good reminder for me about controlling my negative emotions and moving forward.

    Fall is always difficult for me because I look out at my backyard and remember all the happy memories of a family raking leaves. And then I think now it’s only me (kid’s off at college) and I get sad. It’s like a dead leaf fog. But when my rake broke yesterday I thought, that’s it. Time to get a new one and tackle the leaves. I suddenly felt that yes, I can do this. I can move on to better things.

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