post written by: Marc Chernoff

9 Things You Need to Chill Out About


9 Things You Need to Chill Out About

The world isn’t just the way it is.
It’s how you understand it to be.

When it comes to the following, you need to chill out, change your thinking, and adjust your approach.

  1. The few things that aren’t going right. – When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for all the other things that are still going right.  And if you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped.  Sometimes the best gifts in life are the troubles you don’t have.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
  2. Trying to label everyone and everything. – Sometimes you’ve just got to take people and situations for what they are, appreciate them, and not try to label them or change them.  This unconditional acceptance doesn’t mean you’re giving up your freewill or waving the white flag – that’s quitting.  Instead, it means you’re willing to let go of who you think people should be and how you think things are supposed to be, so you can fall in love with who they truly are and how life really is.
  3. Worrying about what everyone else thinks. – The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom.  In fact, you can end half your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you want.  You have to put your life in your own hands.  Others may be able stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
  4. Wasting time on the wrong people. – You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected.  The rest is up to them.  No matter how much you care some people just won’t care back.  It’s not the end of the world.  At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
  5. Old wounds and grudges. – You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart.  In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way.  It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.  Because nothing empowers your ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.  Read Buddha’s Brain.
  6. Superficial judgments. – We don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them attractive.  Every human being is beautiful; it just takes the right set of eyes to see it.  The more you mature, the more you will be able to look beyond another person’s appearance and see the beauty of who they really are.
  7. Letting small disagreements snowball out of control. – Don’t let a single poisonous moment of misunderstanding make you forget about the countless lovable moments you’ve spent together.  If you’re angry at someone you love, hug them and mean it.  You may not want to hug them, which is all the more reason to do so.  It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows that they love you, and that’s precisely what happens when we hug each other.
  8. Showing a lack of self-respect. – Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.  Be your own best friend.  Trust your inner spirit and follow your instincts.  Be the person you will be happy to live with for the duration of your life.  Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of passion and possibility into a blaze of victories.  Read The Untethered Soul.
  9. Thinking that now is the wrong time. – This isn’t the wrong time and place, because you can make it the right time and place.  Today is the first day of a new beginning – the conception of a new life.  The next nine months are all yours.  You can do with them as you please.  Make them count.  Because a new person is born in nine months.  The only question is: Who do you want that person to be?

Photo by: William Cho

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28 Comments

  • Thanks for sharing these helpful reminders of some common things that get in the way of us living our best life.

  • This is wonderful. Some great ideas to work on in the new year.

    Helps me re-focus and prioritize what is really worth my time and effort.

  • Very inspirational! I live by the motto focus on the positive, as you said in #1 its not about only expecting good things to happen, its about finding the good in even the worst situations. It can be hard but I can see that my overall happiness is much greater when I can find even a sliver of good in a otherwise bad thing.

  • Thanks! 9 months to quit complaining and start living…

    I hereby declare the next 9 months as my time to shine!

  • Awesome. As always :)

  • I love your common sense approach!
    Thanks for putting it into words!!!
    Have a terrific day and keep up the great thinking!
    Blessings.

  • Great reminders, especially the one about worrying about what everyone thinks of you. Who cares? It’s your life. Live it the way that works for you. If you’re happy, the world will be happy. :)

  • Loved this post and especially #9 and the concept of becoming a new person in 9 months… (it could happen even sooner than that in some cases).

  • @Julie Takase - why wait until the New year? “It’s the start which often stops us.”

  • Great post!

  • LOVE THIS POST. The 9 month analogy is incredible! Thank you!

  • Number 2 is certainly the hardest but in my opinion the one thing you can do to make yourself happier right now.

    Mindful observation without judgement or clinging on to the need to change things not only brings more peace to your life, but makes more room for the kind of joy you can experience (by focusing more on the positives as you described in point number one.) My favorite way of summing up this idea are the statements ” it is what it is” and ” lean into it”.

    Thanks for another great post.

  • Marc and angel can you guys help me out? I love your blog and your inspirational advice. I would love to talk one on one if possible. I don’t know what I am doing in my life I have back logs from my college (under graduation) and found your website recently. I feel like you two are people who can help me take the next step.

  • Just wonderful post! Thank you.

  • Wow! Did I ever need to read this today! Call it a gentle push or a kick in the behind but it’s an amazing thought provoking, and hopefully, life changing contemplation.

  • I can definitely resonate with #5. Forgiveness is something that I’ve had to learn as I would hold on to the experiences that betrayed me and continue to hold a grudge for the people who were involved. The problem is, is I was wasting my time and being able to forgive has been one of my biggest life lessons.

  • I could agree and write something about each of these 9 points, but that would be pointless (pardon the pun)! You continue to produce inspirational and motivational content, keep it up, you’ve definitely earned my respect. :)

  • I love #8 because it clearly defines my situation, I am in love with a girl and I always beg love from her. Thank u so much for defining my situation and helping me understand what to do next.

  • Thank you guys so much for sending me this, I really needed this. Me and my boyfriend have been having arguments lately because we let our differences take over to the point where urns becoming a dislike and causes frustration. We both know we have changes that need to take place, but it’s hard to remember the good the other person had in them while trying to make better and positive modifications.

  • I like the 9 months to a new me idea-really neat!

  • Nice tips for making the coming year a good one.

  • I really enjoyed this post. Great points, great learning and growth to follow :D Warm wishes for a Happy Holiday season.

  • Great post. What you focus on grows is the key point for me. If you focus on negativity, you’ll get a negative life. However, if you focus on the positive parts of your life, they’ll bloom and you’ll be a lot happier for it.

  • Nice advice for living… thanks…
    Keep on going!!!

  • Beautiful list, I like the part about being your own best friend. You can’t inspire trust and respect in people if you don’t show self confidence first.

  • Wow, incredibly powerful, as always. Number 9 is my favorite. Funny, in 9 months I’ll be off to college. I have until august to become the person I’ve always wanted to be. And I cannot wait. Thank you.

  • I see “wasting time on the wrong people” is in some of your lists and for a good reason! It has so much meaning to me that every time I see it, I promise my self not to ever do that again. You guys are loved by me forever :)

  • Thank you so much for this priceless article. This is the food of my soul.

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