NOTE: This post has been updated with brand NEW information and moved to here:
6 Insanely Common Reasons You Are Becoming Your Own Worst Enemy
Photo by: Brendon Burton
Practical Tips for Productive Living
Written by Marc Chernoff // 93 Comments
NOTE: This post has been updated with brand NEW information and moved to here:
Photo by: Brendon Burton
© 2006-2024 Marc and Angel Hack Life
Questions, comments, advertising inquiries? Want to be a guest blogger?
Contact Us: marc [at] marcandangel [dot] com · Privacy Policy
Site design by Brian Gardner
Joyce says
LOVED this one! Well, I actually enjoy ALL your posts but this one hit home. Thank you so much for your site – I can’t get enough of it (although my Facebook friends are probably sick of all my Sharing!) I don’t care! 🙂
Jennifer says
I am working at present mindfulness and letting go of expectations. Accepting over wanting to change. Easier said than done, but awareness is the first step. Also, guilt is a new habit of mine. Too much of it surrounding what I do and do not do. There needs to be more celebrating, more self-love and compassion.
Thank you for your inspired and honest writings!
Samantha says
This article is definitely speaking to my soul today. I’ve been drowning in a sea of negativity for a long time, trying to learn to swim, and this helps a lot. Thank you!
Willy says
Love this article. Absolutely true. Thanks for sharing.
Eva says
Wow this article is so true. I have all the 6 ways going on in my life, but for me being vulnerable is the hardest to accept. I have a belief that once I let my guard down, I will get hurt. And it happened few times. I guess I still have so much to learn.
Elizabeth says
Yes, the patterns people set out for us, and the expectations of how life “should” be can really keep us from appreciating what we do have. I think also wanting everything “now” and not trusting that it WILL come can put one through a great deal of angst.
Thank you 🙂
Ralph says
Thanks you for continuing inspiring us! I think, for me, the greatest enemy is always the self-doubt, regrets and mistakes that I have made before – something that I cannot control or change anymore. It often comes back to me and hurts me over and over again. I really just want to get over these feelings and move on, but it’s just so hard, I can’t do it. I hope I will get back on the right track eventually.
Thanks again for the wonderful dose of positivity and inspirations to every one of us. Keep up the good work, please! So many of us are expecting and replying on your blog posts.
Lila says
I am my enemy in that I believe others deserve to be successful more than myself, so I sacrifice things in my own life in order for others to experience the satisfaction I could be feeling. It makes it hard for me to celebrate my own success because I know I’m selling myself short. My close friends are aware of it, but I’m the one who has to fight this demon. Nice article!
Brenda says
I give people 100% of me and always try to make everyone else comfortable. So, of course, I get my feelings hurt, a lot! I shoot straight with people and say things that are clear and to the point. This leaves me with few friends and more than one’s share of users or frenemies! When a friendship ends, I’m devastated, and they act like it is nothing for me to be out of their life. I can’t stand not knowing what happened, could cry everyday about a lost friendship while they find it easy to dismiss me! I don’t know how to take people at face value and save my own feelings.
carmen says
I wouldn’t say anymore at this point that I am my worst enemy but rather a two-part being who is in a relationship. There is the God spirit of me, in me, I feel in my core, in my soul. I feel deep love and therefore the love of myself to the child I am and a friend… then there is the rebellious me… the earth child who pretends not to listen, even though we coming through loud and clear… She still gets excited by the trickster she has created even though I know I must listen to become the best soulful person I can be to myself. It would serve me too, if I could channel more into my creativity, by making the small shifts that would will help me to shine more brighter from the inside out. There are a few things I need to tweak, and then I will fly.
So yes there’s a bit of a “Oh come on Carms why the @##$ not gal, you know you want to, don’t be a pop, believe, believe and paint!”… Walk to the top of the mountain here, you still never have, stop smoking, drink more water, and stop feeling guilty as a parent who is raising two boys on your own. If it all gets to you at times and you beat yourself for losing It, then walk away… meditate a little, come back to me, turn to me.
The bottom line is my best friend over in here is really missing me, waiting for me to step up so that we can both move in and grow and glow in the warmth, in the peacefulness of accepting that then the bumps in the road are just bumps in the road. We doing it together hand in hand, souls combined… we are one…..ok, ok… I will start on Monday…
Vincent Nguyen says
Very powerful story to open up a great article, Marc. I think #1 pretty much got me pretty well. My expectation is that I can somehow hold to these moments of contentment forever. There’s always going to be happiness in the future and life will be nice and green. Of course, there will always be minor setbacks, but my mind denies the inevitability.
Actually, an even bigger issue I have is my lack of contentment as far as accomplishments go. I always want to break new ground each and every day. If I somehow fell behind or did not exceed the milestone of yesterday’s, I beat myself up. It’s insane that I have this competition with myself. I’ve forgotten how to celebrate my victories as I’m too caught up in finding new battles.
Remy Jones says
Great read, once again 🙂
My worst enemy is self-doubt and thinking too much about what others think of me and my capabilities. For example, yesterday an exam score came up. I hadn’t expected a high score as I didn’t feel like I had done my best on the exam. However, when the results were posted, I had topped the class. I was surprised and when I told my friend, she said things like “so the teacher practically gave away free marks to you,” “really, you?” and so on. I’ll admit I was kind of hurt by her comments. When I told my mother about this she gently told me that if I didn’t believe myself to be capable of realizing my dreams then how can I expect someone else to believe? This was an eye-opener for me. And now, I’m on my way to banish all my self-doubt and live up to my true potential.
Kristina says
I generalize a few experiences into “a truth.” When I am disappointed or my overtures at friendship or love aren’t reciprocated the way I think they should be, or how I want them to be, I spend waaaaaay too much time trying to figure out what I did wrong, or what is wrong with the other person. Then I morph that into believing that there is something inherently off-putting about me, rather than letting it float away, which results, I’m sure, in missing other possibilities and satisfying moments.
Thanks for the inspiring, practical, thoughtful guidance you guys!
MarcusMorisMoss says
I have tried to be vulnerable before. And I felt like people were taking advantage of my ”guardlessness.” I went back to acting tough and detached. Needless to say, my love-life is still non-existing.
Herman says
Of all the dozens of articles I have read so far here, this is the most important one.
But let’s say someone really wants a change is his or her life. One knows that one has everything in life to be happy, that there are many wonderful things in life. In short, one knows that there is absolutely no reason not to be happy. But despite of this one does not _feel_ happy…
So my question is, how do you go from knowing to actually feeling? This is the life-and-death question for me.
Bia says
From my opinion, it ‘s completely unproductive to focus on the others all day long, it’s exhausting, especially when they are dishonest and you are capable of understanding that. This is something I used to do. I don ‘t want that kind of people around me, they try to manipulate you and they spend your time to take advantage of you. Avoiding toxic people is important.
Dan Lim says
Very insightful article. I’m sharing it with my church.
Andrea says
I would add to the list: Not taking action is deadly. It is a comfort to think and dream, but doing nothing, not taking a step, forgetting to start something is detrimental.
Mary Woolson says
I have faith that the Universe is unfolding as it should; however, I need to learn patience. Abundance will come if I continue to share my gifts consistently and with intention for the greater good. Success can take time.
sheila says
It’s amazing the things we do that keep us from growing. I would add fear of success which I suppose is related to wanting to be comfortable and limiting beliefs. When we step into success and meet our goals our lives change and people react. Sometimes we don’t believe we deserve success and sometimes we’re afraid that our relationships will change.
KL says
Just on a break from an exhausting conference where I am not feeling well and am battling my usual social anxieties.
This post is the best one of I’ve ever read. So much truth, actually all truth. While I need to get back to the conference, I am grateful to you for having shared this and will re-read it at the end of this long day.
the other side says
While I generally agree with these points, there are probably many people, homeless, poor, who would love to have the comfort of a recliner, some chips and dip, and 400 channels of tv. Not everybody feels the need to agressively pursue the type of lifestyle you suggest. So Iwill go back to your point that we should each live a life that feels best for us. 🙂
Walter says
I don’t know why but the timing was perfect for me to read this. I am actually going through almost every negative point you described above, the more I kept reading your post I notice your advise is very helpful. Thanks man, never heard from you before, I will follow your thoughts!
Laurie says
As always, your articles are wonderful. I do have self doubt which stops me from going forward. I start to think I’m not good enough if I make a mistake! I’m learning to persevere in spite of myself!
Mich says
@the other side: While I agree that each of us should live our own way, I think that the 400 channels of TV and coach potatoe lifestyle is the kind that makes people of all financial backgrounds unhealthy and miserable. Life is lived off the couch in pursuit of dreams and real life experiences.
Lisa Plavan says
Reacting as opposed to responding. Usually it is an over-react, an angry react that doesn’t help get my point across toward a resolution. I then feel like an idiot for ‘losing it’; which in turn does nothing for one’s comfort in their own skin. I need to get a better handle on that. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen with people I care for very often. Usually I save the dark side for banks, sneaky websites, bad service etc.
Amandah says
This was a powerful post. I copied it into Evernote so I can refer back to it over and over again. Thank you!
Point #2. Your obsession with examining personal failures; and Point #6. Your expectations of how things are supposed to be, resonated with me the most.
I would obsess over my grades in school (elementary through college). I never celebrated the A’s I received; I focused on the C’s, or worse D’s (I received a few of those). Looking back, I could have celebrated my successes. I also could have studied what I wanted to study instead of listening to my dad who told me, “Get a secure degree.” Lesson learned.
I have extremely HIGH expectations of how my life should be. I know it’s not healthy, but I haven’t been able to kick this habit to the curb. I’ve become obsessively attached (super glue grip) to my dreams/goals. It’s time for me to take my own advice and release my dreams and desires along with my HIGH expectations. They are super-duper high. Now wonder I can’t relax. 😉
Ravi says
One word that comes to mind: ‘gospel’
I have nothing else to say!
Sandra Hamlett says
Love this post. I agree with what Andrea posted in not taking action being deadly. This has been one of my biggest enemies and is really tied to a couple of things not believing in myself enough and not surrounding myself with supportive and nurturing people in my life. When the people around you feed into your doubt and fears it’s time to let them go. I never felt lonelier than I did when I filled my life with the wrong people. Letting go of these people has made me feel expansive and like a child again, when I believed I could do anything.
Patty says
I needed to read this today. This is where I am in my life right now…holding on to pain.
Jill says
It’s like you reached inside my head and pulled out all the things I do to myself every day. Every one of these hit the nail on the head for me. Sometimes it’s hard to look truth in the face, but I think my reading this post was no accident. Thanks for this.
Jackie says
OMG!! Thank you! This article couldn’t have come at a better time for me! My thoughts always seem to take control of me and I definitely need to work on that.
Scott says
Negative mental chatter running round my head.
That is what needs to stop and be replaced – fast!
Jonathan says
Wow! All I can say is thank you (both of you) for posting as you do and being such a big inspiration for me in my life. Your suggested readings have led me down a path of spiritual awakening I can’t begin to describe, and I have discovered a sense of inner peace I have never before had in my life. The only way I know how to repay you is to repost as many of your blogs as I can and hope to inspire others to follow their own path to enlightenment and inner peace. Its a continual process and just know, you’re little page and numerous parables and words of wisdom will ALWAYS be a part of my days as long as you continue to offer them! Thank you (to say the least).
~jw
May says
Thank you.
David Rapp says
If this was your last post, it would be perfect. My “spark” for the last two months of activity has been a comment from my wife: “You give good advice to everyone but yourself.”
A couple of points on the comments:
Couch potatoes: it costs nothing to take a walk, write down your dreams, and then rough out a plan to get there. Public library? Church or temple? All free. Success costs the same as failure. The next payment is coming due, whom do you want to pay?
Expectations: Mine are off the charts, still, for myself. Why? Because I have done it before, and I can do it again. However, I forced myself to look at what I am doing to meet those expectations (thinking, feeling, believing, acting), and that was less than pretty. Also, expectations are first set PRIOR to activity, therefore if anything MAJOR changes after you start, then adjust your actions. Have you reset your expectations based on the changes in your life, or did you quit at the first sign of resistence (I do this every day still)?
Examining failures leads to self-limiting beliefs. Nasty duo. Perform the exact same actions on your successes, as Marc suggests, and your have the proven blueprint for future success. Because you proved them to yourself already.
Jo says
Thank you Marc and Angel.
nadirkhan says
Absolutely true and mind opener. We should change like nature – nothing is permanent; we should be flexible and adapt, improvise and hold on to small blessings, not brood over fast failures. We should live in the present – the past is history and tomorrow is a mystery. Wonderful advice!
Wishing you all the best.
Miss Britt says
I see that fear of vulnerability so often – and it’s the one people seem most blind to. Number 6 is the rock in my shoe!
Ice says
I am my worst enemy: Sadly, I can’t let go of the past, the devestation I have been through in the hands of another. Even though I want to, I just could not push myself to forgive, forget and shrug everything off of me. They keep on coming back to me like ghosts that I can even drive myself to “TRY” and make things right with the person, though he tried working things out. All I see is a monster.
Michelle says
#5 and #6 smacked me right in the face. How does a 45 yr old single Mom who’d been married for 20 years take the first step into vulnerability without a hand to hold in case she falls… Alone.
Josefina says
THIS is where the true power in life lies … and the hope, faith, happiness and resiliency and strength we all work for daily … if not even minute to minute.
I love this. Each one is truly a walking meditation … can be taken individually and ‘used’ or ‘meditated’ on by each of us … opening (even if only within ourselves at first) to looking and seeing where we are maybe shying away from the challenge or adjustment each one asks us to do … for ourselves …
and truly if we can … our family, friends and our whole world will benefit! Thank you … what a gift!
Josefina says
BTW # 5 and 6 I have found the most challenging in my life … but after many years of struggle … the letting go and allowing vulnerability (#5) was redefined inside of me … and I have been truly happy with myself and how I even present things ever since.
#6 I think was a lesson truly presented to me for the first time as a child … and it was via a painful experience (the death of my father) … but watching my mother and other family members truly showed me … that the expectations are what PROLONG any pain you may be feeling … certainly it makes any pain that much deeper or adds to the pain a sense of hopelessness each and everytime things do not go as planned. Releasing this one over the years I found opened up HUGE creativity and imagination inside myself and allowed me a strength I cannot to this day put into words. I know I will feel pain and face many challenges … but deep inside I know in releasing expectations (vs goals) I am allowing magic and spirit to take it’s place … I now expect the unexpected … with more peace
Bonnie says
Thank you, just found your blog. This article hit home today. I will choose to let go of negativity and be vulnerable. Good reminder.
Mary Brooks says
Your blog has become a constant in my life. I thank my dear friend, Sara, for sending it to me a few months ago. I am currently battling being diagnosed with MS, and having a lot of life struggles. I have pulled things from your posts that I re-post as my inspiration for myself, and hopefully it can be for others as well. I say the same to you as I say to my self healing coach about her blog, you have no idea how many people you inspire and help every day with your stories, your honesty, and your guidelines. Thank you.
Courtney says
I am my own worst enemy for all of the six aforementioned reasons…if not more. Determined to revel in the beauty of now, I will make a conscious effort to take notice and be grateful for that which is good, whatever it may be.
Desiree says
I don’t have a problem with being vulnerable.. I have a willing heart… but my problem is what I do after I am not received by friends, peers, and family members the way I had hoped or expected – which brings me to numbers 1- 4… Thank you for your constant uplifting and inspiration.
Cheryl says
Great post this morning Marc, as always.
I believe that I will work on letting go of my “expectations” of the people in my life.
I will learn to let go, accept and remain positive in the face of fear and sadness. Our mindset creates our perspective in all situations. Also, more self-love, self-compassion and vulnerability are in my plans for the road ahead.
I must continue to be conscious and open to learning and growing everyday!!!
Thank you for your wonderful words – I eagerly await your new posts every other day and print many of them to keep hardcopies to refer back to time and again 🙂
Mike@WeOnlyDoThisOnce says
Great points. Comfort, in addition, tends to desensitize us to what is truly rewarding in life.