Archives for June 2013

9 Negative Social Habits to Quit Today

06.30.2013 by Angel Chernoff // 68 Comments

There’s something to be said for slow and steady progress. But there’s also something to be said for strong, decisive, sweeping action. When it comes to bad, self-defeating habits, there’s no time like today to quit cold turkey. For some reason I’ve been more aware lately of the annoying social habits of other people. Worse than that, I’ve then been noticing many of the same behaviors in myself. Cutting out these negative habits makes it simpler to foster good relationships by getting to the heart of productive communication. So why not start today?

1. Seeking attention by complaining.

I spoke to someone yesterday who all but refused to talk about the positive aspects of their life. After listening to their troubles, I asked about some of the cool projects they have going on. Within two sentences, they were back to complaining about trivial things. We all need to share our troubles with friends or strangers from time to time, but don’t fall into the habit of turning conversations into your own personal dumping ground 100 percent of the time. It’s an easy way to get attention, but it’s a poor way to keep it; and it’s a poor way to view your life.

2. Focusing on your inner monologue instead of the dialogue in front of you.

“Holy crap! That’s a great idea. Wow. What can I say that will sound smart and clever? I really hope they think I’m intelligent. I could touch on symbolism or [Read more…]

7 Unconventional Ways to Build Your Confidence

06.27.2013 by Marc Chernoff // 54 Comments

7 Unconventional Ways to Build Your Confidence

If you were able to maintain a level of self-confidence that no circumstance could shake, what would you be doing differently? Just imagine the things you would accomplish if you were confident that you COULD.

This kind of confidence comes from positive self-imaging, and it is something that you can proactively build for yourself. It doesn’t happen while you wait passively. When you leave it up to external factors, you build your self-confidence on sandy ground. What you need is a rock-solid foundation, and this only comes from building it from within.

Plenty has been written about building self-confidence – creating a plan, setting goals, finding the right mentor, etc. – but today we’re going to take a look at seven ways that are not as widely discussed:

1. Take chances that make you feel uncomfortable.

The moment you doubt whether you can do something, you cease forever to be able to do it. Don’t be afraid to feel uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to look uneasy and a little silly in front of others.

Running around in your underwear isn’t the solution we’re talking about here, although I’m sure that would feel uncomfortable and look pretty silly. What we are talking about is growing your inner strength and building your confidence by occasionally putting yourself in situations where you are forced to overcome new and unknown obstacles. [Read more…]

5 False Beliefs that Are Holding You Back

06.25.2013 by Angel Chernoff // 57 Comments

5 False Beliefs That Are Holding You Back

by Benny Hsu

Over the years you’ve created a set of beliefs in your mind that you hold to be true. Some are indeed helpful and true, while others have completely fooled you. It’s these latter, false beliefs that quietly hinder your potential and hold you back from the life you are capable of living.

Here are five such false beliefs to be aware of:

1. Life owes me something.

Just because you’re alive doesn’t mean life is going to hand everything to you.

Life doesn’t just get better by itself. It isn’t like flying in a plane through turbulence. Life doesn’t just improve if you fasten your seat belt and wait.

Sadly, so many people expect that a great life is coming to them automatically. They believe it’ll come next month or next year. So they continue thinking the same thoughts and doing the same things, just waiting for that day when life will get better.

They come home from work, heat up a microwave dinner and sit on the couch for hours watching TV. They get on the Internet and spend entire evenings getting nothing done. They keeping hoping and praying for a change without ever taking action.

When you were younger, you got a trophy if you played sports. It didn’t matter if you were the leading scorer or the leading benchwarmer. Adulthood is a bit different. You don’t get trophies anymore for just showing up. You have to earn them.

If you keep believing life will somehow automatically improve on it’s own, then you’re going to waste many years of your life in a state of disappointment.

It’s up to you to decide how you want to be. You are the one that determines the [Read more…]

4 Reasons to Hold On a Little Longer

06.23.2013 by Marc Chernoff // 67 Comments

4 Reasons to Hold On a Little Longer

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

―Shel Silverstein

If you feel like you’re at the end your rope with little slack left to hold on to, realize your mind is lying to you. It has imprisoned you by reciting self-defeating stories in your head – stories about your mistakes, what you should have done differently, and so forth. Your mind has built a mental cell out these negative thoughts and you’ve begun to believe you are actually living in it.

But you’re NOT.

You are alive in an immense world with infinite destinations. Take a moment to remind yourself of this fact. Go outside. Look up at the sky and the clouds or the stars. THIS is the world in which you really live. Breathe it in. Then look at your current situation again.

Remember that adversity is the first path to truth. Your defeats often serve as well as your victories to shake your spirit and let your glory out. You just have to hold on tight, embrace the daily pain and burn it as fuel for your journey.

Here are four things to consider before you let go of your rope and give up on yourself:

1. You are growing from your struggles.

Life can be a struggle. It will break you sometimes. Nobody can protect you from that, and hiding alone in a cave somewhere won’t either, for prolonged solitude will also break you with an endless thirst for connection. You must dare to love. You must dare to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth.

You are here to sacrifice your time and risk your heart. You are here to be bruised by life. And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned. Tell yourself [Read more…]

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

06.20.2013 by Marc Chernoff // 234 Comments

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

When I was younger I often felt inadequate and “not good enough” to be friends, lovers, or business partners with certain people. Sometimes I simply couldn’t understand what others saw in me. I was very insecure.

I ended many promising relationships because of my insecurity. In my mind, it felt easier for me to end it before they did. Walking away rather than risking the heartbreak of rejection was how I justified my behavior to myself. But after awhile, as I grew emotionally, I began to realize that I wanted and needed the comfort and support of long-term relationships.

So what did I do, and what can you do if insecurity is damaging your relationships?

You need to understand that a good relationship is about sharing ideas and enjoyable moments with another, to help each other grow in healthy ways, both together socially and as individuals. If someone really does treat you poorly or lies and cheats you out of something, feeling insecure is a natural and reasonable response. However, if you’re actually in a generally good relationship with someone, then it’s time to…

1. Stop trying to read minds.

Most relationship problems and associated social anxieties start with bad communication, which in turn leads to attempted mind reading. Mind reading occurs when two people assume that they know what the other is thinking when they don’t. This process of wondering and trying to guess what someone is thinking is a rapid route to feelings of insecurity and stress.

If someone says one thing, don’t assume they mean something else. If they say [Read more…]