7 Sexy Character Traits of Happy People

7 Sexy Character Traits of Happy People

by Ken Wert

In an era of public booty-bouncing and other ubiquitous in-your-face expressions of sensuality, it’s about time we had a new standard of sexy.

Real sexiness is so much more than physical shape and form.  It’s more than style and wardrobe, attitude and visible swag.  And it’s certainly more than the lopsided exposed skin to covered skin ratio depicted on today’s popular media channels.

We are increasingly in desperate need of a more enduring standard, one that includes more than face and body – one that includes the shape and form of internal qualities, those that add joy and passion to life, those of heart, mind and soul.

“Sexiness is a state of mind – a comfortable state of being.”
―Halle Berry

The Up-Close-and-Personal Principle

Have you ever seen someone across a crowded room you were immediately attracted to, approached them and got to know the person up close and personal, and then couldn’t remember for the life of you how you ever found them attractive?

On the other hand, have you met someone who had no particular appeal at first glance, and then after getting to know them you suddenly discovered pure sexiness oozing from their pores?

Deep, moving sexiness is more than mere physicality and more than swaying hips and pouty lips.  It’s more than broad shoulders and six pack abs.  The most enduring form of sexiness is the most endearing trait and the clearest mirror of the human soul: happiness.

It’s time we elevate happiness to its proper place in the sexiness pantheon by learning and applying these seven character traits of happiness (and therefore sexiness):

1.  Moral Courage

Happy people stand up for what’s right and don’t get pushed around by peer pressure into the newest fad or trend.  They have the courage, conviction and inner strength to do what’s right even while others reshape themselves into ever-shifting expressions of someone else’s standards, becoming shadows of other’s values.

Chameleons are not very sexy creatures.  But real men and real women who know what they believe and value, and stand up courageously for those beliefs and values are tremendously sexy!

2.  Self-Confidence

Happiness requires a degree of confidence that allows us to believe we have value, that we are worthy of love and friendship and success.  Happy people have faith in themselves and in their ability to develop the skills and qualities needed to become highly competent at living life well.

Keep in mind, though, that it’s not the pseudo-confidence that hides insecurities under cocky exteriors that shout their accomplishments and exaggerate their strengths and experiences.  It’s a humble self-acceptance and self-love that genuinely feels comfortable in their own skin.

Not much is sexier than someone who humbly exudes self-confidence.

3.  Thoughtfulness

They say nice people finish last, but that’s just not true.  As a matter of fact, jerks are never completely trusted or respected by people who respect themselves.  Happy people are thoughtful people.  They consider the needs of others.  Making a difference, in fact, takes center stage in their lives; it’s an important part of their self-identity.

Their thoughtfulness is measured in how they treat others, including those they don’t know, and in countless silent acts of kindness.  If you’re not convinced that thoughtful people are both happy and sexy, just ask anyone in a loving relationship with a few years under their belt how sexy thoughtfulness is to them and how thoroughly unsexy its opposite is.

4.  Passion

Happiness at its highest level includes living a life of passion and purpose.  Happy lives are directed lives, pointed at something deeply meaningful.  The happiest amongst us are excited about living because every day offers them another opportunity to do what they love, because truly passionate people have many interests, they are rarely bored, adrift or indolent.

Passion and purpose are ‘sexiness’ personified.  Sexy people love life and love people and love what they spend their time doing.  You may know people who are impassioned by nothing, who sit around and waste ungodly amounts of time.  Are they sexy?  Not at all.

5.  Self-Responsible

Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying lives?  Me either.  Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold.  They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.

And just as happy people never blame others, external circumstances or the universe for what is or isn’t a part of their lives, sexy people don’t either.  Just think about the epitome of the unsexy: A whiny, sniveling, accusing, blaming, irresponsible victim of life.  Not happy.  Not sexy.

6. Honest

Liars hide from the truth.  They lack the courage to stand up to the reality of their lives.  They hide behind words and camouflage – their hidden agenda behind a web of stories and verbal slights of hand.  Happy people don’t live that way.  Honesty is a hallmark of the happiest amongst us.  It is also a characteristic of the dangerously sexy.

There is no sexiness in a liar.  They breed distrust.  As a matter of fact, lying is one of the quickest ways to ruin a beautiful relationship.  Indeed, trust is one of the sexiest characteristics of the singularly sexy.

7. Self-accepting

Happy people are authentic.  They are real and know who they are and what they like.  They are in touch with their feelings and spend time learning and growing and developing.  Self-accepting people may forgive themselves of their own shortcomings, but they don’t excuse them.

They look their weaknesses square in the eye, accept them as they are, then go to work growing and improving and transforming them into strengths.  Self-acceptance is never used as an excuse for stagnation or laziness or apathy by the truly self-accepting.

Someone with that kind of inner calm, self-awareness and forward momentum is almost universally considered sexy and attractive to others.


Our superficial culture honors the young and thin.  It holds up the tall and full-lipped and big-bosomed as the epitome of sexy.  But that’s a woefully shallow brand of sexiness.  That’s a standard of sexy that is only skin deep, lacking substance and depth; it misses the point of true and enduring sexiness.

After all, youth eventually fades to gray, vertebrate compress, our thin parts plump and our plump parts thin, lips wrinkle and skin sags.

On the other hand, intelligence deepens, wisdom expands, experience informs, character lifts, hearts are softened and intellectual backbones stiffen with time and effort.

Sexiness can therefore no longer be held hostage to a superficial culture addicted to taut skin on bony frames with sculpted faces.  It’s time to take back the very notion of sexiness and recast it in the mirror of more profound and enduring qualities.

It’s time, in a word, to establish happiness as the new standard of sexy.

But a single voice can’t do much to change the cultural ideal.  So please spread the word… to take the message of sexy happiness far and wide.  Like and Tweet and otherwise share this post if you are ready to lift a new standard from the tired ashes of a jaded concept.

Perhaps as a happy byproduct, more of us will be able to look in the mirror with confidence and walk away with a strut, knowing we’re deeply and happily hot.

Your turn…

What character traits make a person attractive in your eyes?  What are the top qualities you look for in a significant other or a close friend?  Share your thoughts with the community by leaving a comment below.

Author Bio:  Ken Wert blogs at Meant to be Happy where he inspires readers to live with purpose, act with character, think with clarity and grow with courage on the way to a life of happiness.  Sign up for his free eBook, A Walk Through Happiness!  Or follow him on Twitter.

Photo by: Rhiannon Daire


  1. Crystal Renè says

    To me, one of the sexiest things is kindness. I’ve dealt with a lot of horribly unkind people in my life and have come to realize, they we’re seriously unhappy people. So to me, kindness and happiness are the sexiest traits someone can have. To just be able to find happiness in the most dire of situations and not letting them make you unkind, that is true sexiness.

  2. says

    Ha i love this, especially the ”knowing we are happily and deeply hot” that made me laugh. I always say that people who never smile or aren’t happy for no reason scare me. I find it so easy to relax in happy company even if its me!

    Thanks for another wonderful article.will spread the word… Happy=Sexy :)

  3. says

    Sexiness is something that changes with age, when I was younger it was all about looks, now as you get a bit older positivity, drive and determination are things that get me going :-)

  4. Tambu says

    I love this, very well said and sadly not known by many, but will spread the word definately. Being comfortable in your own skin and being yourself, optimistic, sense of humour and honesty are some of the sexy traits I would look for.

  5. Evangeline says

    There is nothing more UN-sexy than a fake, over dramatic person whom lacks self confidence. And even worse one who claims to be a Conservative Christian whom lacks morals and convictions.

    Be yourself! Be humble and happy! Easy going, honest and thankful. Love and preserve life and nature. Servitude of others and especially of the less fortunate is beautifully sexy!
    Thank you Mark and Angel as always a great piece!

  6. monica says

    To me an attractive man is one that is intelligent and has substance and independence. However; since i am intelligent and attractive i expect my partner to be the same. I have dated men that were smart; yet unattractive it just didnt work. It made me feel uncomfortable and sad. Im not saying unattractive people that are smart arent valuable because they all are. Yet, Im saying its my own personal preference. Its my choice my life.

  7. monica says

    I think my standards are different in my life attractive with attractive. Its just my view my opinion for my life. Others can do what they please. My whole life i felt like i had to prove that not only i am attractive but intelligent. Not enough because people will always find something to hate on. So its best to walk away from unpleasant people and accept life as it is.

  8. says

    I think that comfort in oneself: the way a person walks, sits or holds themself shows me this. Twitching, uptight postures, tense facial expressions when there is no need to feel pressured are all unsexy.

    I also think the sense of someone being open, of letting others near them is sexy; someone who is the opposite of fearful leaders and just people in general these days: who does not care if someone tries to find a way to put them down, they embrace that person anyway and disarm them as a result. So maybe disarming charm is the key, but sincere charm.

    I also like comfortable eccentricity: someone unafraid to crack an eccentric joke, at their own expense sometimes or in general as just an observation of the absurdities of everyday life. I am immediately turned off by guys who use humour to put others down, just so mean-spirited, and it says to me that, beyond being just mean, this person is miserly in every aspect of their life. Someone who is considerate but not self-censoring in a healthy, eccentric way appeals to me as they keep things in perspective during stressful times. We all need that rock and I think myself, I can be that person too.

  9. says

    It’s definitely all about confidence. With confidence comes sexiness. Being able to have that inner confidence will shine from the inside out. When a person allows their inner being to unleash, they can’t help but express sexiness!

    Great blog! :)

  10. T says

    Humble, accepting, confident and kind, with a smile… is sexy. Only if our minds could process this before our eyes could make up their mind, we wouldn’t be asking questions like ‘Is that sexy or just kind of nice?’

  11. mimi says

    I agree with the poster above who said a person who has education, money, holdings, etc and you’d never know it is sexy. Dead on. The sexiest guy I know is a multimillionaire in his 30’s and fits that description. Understated. Simple. Only talks about these things if it comes up in conversation, and even then he underplays everything, as if it’s no biggie.
    He rocks my whole world and doesn’t even know it!

  12. Tatiana says

    What I find most attractive in a man is someone who is comfortable in their own skin, who is down to earth and doesn’t try to be anyone else. When there’s turmoil, he takes charge and keeps a level head endeavouring to find the right solution.

  13. says

    Happy people never grow old… they look younger than their real age forever…

    A happy person’s smile is genuine and eyes are lively. These are 2 traits visible in a happy person even before she even speaks a word.

  14. Lori W says

    Excellent post, thank you!

    I find people that show compassion for others, that can read your silence, and your sorrows, and bring you out of that mode you are in, are sexy. Showing a person that you truly care, no matter how angry, sad, depressed, or quiet you are, by just a little act, a touch of the hand, asking if they can just help you get through it, is sexy. It shows caring and love.

  15. Jo says

    The art of engaging is sexy. Undivided interest and attention when one is speaking…eye contact, affirmative body language. In a friend I look for that, and try to be that for others. A sense of humor and love of laughter is very sexy!

  16. Elizabeth says

    To Jen who commented on June 17th, 2013 at 8:35 pm!! We must be kindred spirits. I was in my mid-teens when that same piece, “What Men Really Want From Women…grace, brains, history, mystery, theatre, laughs, stamina and sanctuary” was published in Reader’s Digest (although from the man’s side only). I copied it and had it posted on my wall all through high school and university. And then I misplaced it. I still know most of it by heart–but not all of it. I have tried to track it down, but Reader’s Digest has so far been unable to locate it in its archives. Any chance that you would reprint the entire thing here? I would be so very grateful. Thank you!


  1. To me, sexy is an honest smile and a caring heart – someone who helps you feel better about yourself and your situation.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *