post written by: Angel Chernoff

7 Sexy Character Traits of Happy People


7 Sexy Character Traits of Happy People

by Ken Wert

In an era of public booty-bouncing and other ubiquitous in-your-face expressions of sensuality, it’s about time we had a new standard of sexy.

Real sexiness is so much more than physical shape and form.  It’s more than style and wardrobe, attitude and visible swag.  And it’s certainly more than the lopsided exposed skin to covered skin ratio depicted on today’s popular media channels.

We are increasingly in desperate need of a more enduring standard, one that includes more than face and body – one that includes the shape and form of internal qualities, those that add joy and passion to life, those of heart, mind and soul.

“Sexiness is a state of mind – a comfortable state of being.”
―Halle Berry

The Up-Close-and-Personal Principle

Have you ever seen someone across a crowded room you were immediately attracted to, approached them and got to know the person up close and personal, and then couldn’t remember for the life of you how you ever found them attractive?

On the other hand, have you met someone who had no particular appeal at first glance, and then after getting to know them you suddenly discovered pure sexiness oozing from their pores?

Deep, moving sexiness is more than mere physicality and more than swaying hips and pouty lips.  It’s more than broad shoulders and six pack abs.  The most enduring form of sexiness is the most endearing trait and the clearest mirror of the human soul: happiness.

It’s time we elevate happiness to its proper place in the sexiness pantheon by learning and applying these seven character traits of happiness (and therefore sexiness):

1.  Moral Courage

Happy people stand up for what’s right and don’t get pushed around by peer pressure into the newest fad or trend.  They have the courage, conviction and inner strength to do what’s right even while others reshape themselves into ever-shifting expressions of someone else’s standards, becoming shadows of other’s values.

Chameleons are not very sexy creatures.  But real men and real women who know what they believe and value, and stand up courageously for those beliefs and values are tremendously sexy!

2.  Self-Confidence

Happiness requires a degree of confidence that allows us to believe we have value, that we are worthy of love and friendship and success.  Happy people have faith in themselves and in their ability to develop the skills and qualities needed to become highly competent at living life well.

Keep in mind, though, that it’s not the pseudo-confidence that hides insecurities under cocky exteriors that shout their accomplishments and exaggerate their strengths and experiences.  It’s a humble self-acceptance and self-love that genuinely feels comfortable in their own skin.

Not much is sexier than someone who humbly exudes self-confidence.

3.  Thoughtfulness

They say nice people finish last, but that’s just not true.  As a matter of fact, jerks are never completely trusted or respected by people who respect themselves.  Happy people are thoughtful people.  They consider the needs of others.  Making a difference, in fact, takes center stage in their lives; it’s an important part of their self-identity.

Their thoughtfulness is measured in how they treat others, including those they don’t know, and in countless silent acts of kindness.  If you’re not convinced that thoughtful people are both happy and sexy, just ask anyone in a loving relationship with a few years under their belt how sexy thoughtfulness is to them and how thoroughly unsexy its opposite is.

4.  Passion

Happiness at its highest level includes living a life of passion and purpose.  Happy lives are directed lives, pointed at something deeply meaningful.  The happiest amongst us are excited about living because every day offers them another opportunity to do what they love, because truly passionate people have many interests, they are rarely bored, adrift or indolent.

Passion and purpose are ‘sexiness’ personified.  Sexy people love life and love people and love what they spend their time doing.  You may know people who are impassioned by nothing, who sit around and waste ungodly amounts of time.  Are they sexy?  Not at all.

5.  Self-Responsible

Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying lives?  Me either.  Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold.  They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.

And just as happy people never blame others, external circumstances or the universe for what is or isn’t a part of their lives, sexy people don’t either.  Just think about the epitome of the unsexy: A whiny, sniveling, accusing, blaming, irresponsible victim of life.  Not happy.  Not sexy.

6. Honest

Liars hide from the truth.  They lack the courage to stand up to the reality of their lives.  They hide behind words and camouflage – their hidden agenda behind a web of stories and verbal slights of hand.  Happy people don’t live that way.  Honesty is a hallmark of the happiest amongst us.  It is also a characteristic of the dangerously sexy.

There is no sexiness in a liar.  They breed distrust.  As a matter of fact, lying is one of the quickest ways to ruin a beautiful relationship.  Indeed, trust is one of the sexiest characteristics of the singularly sexy.

7. Self-accepting

Happy people are authentic.  They are real and know who they are and what they like.  They are in touch with their feelings and spend time learning and growing and developing.  Self-accepting people may forgive themselves of their own shortcomings, but they don’t excuse them.

They look their weaknesses square in the eye, accept them as they are, then go to work growing and improving and transforming them into strengths.  Self-acceptance is never used as an excuse for stagnation or laziness or apathy by the truly self-accepting.

Someone with that kind of inner calm, self-awareness and forward momentum is almost universally considered sexy and attractive to others.

Afterthoughts

Our superficial culture honors the young and thin.  It holds up the tall and full-lipped and big-bosomed as the epitome of sexy.  But that’s a woefully shallow brand of sexiness.  That’s a standard of sexy that is only skin deep, lacking substance and depth; it misses the point of true and enduring sexiness.

After all, youth eventually fades to gray, vertebrate compress, our thin parts plump and our plump parts thin, lips wrinkle and skin sags.

On the other hand, intelligence deepens, wisdom expands, experience informs, character lifts, hearts are softened and intellectual backbones stiffen with time and effort.

Sexiness can therefore no longer be held hostage to a superficial culture addicted to taut skin on bony frames with sculpted faces.  It’s time to take back the very notion of sexiness and recast it in the mirror of more profound and enduring qualities.

It’s time, in a word, to establish happiness as the new standard of sexy.

But a single voice can’t do much to change the cultural ideal.  So please spread the word… to take the message of sexy happiness far and wide.  Like and Tweet and otherwise share this post if you are ready to lift a new standard from the tired ashes of a jaded concept.

Perhaps as a happy byproduct, more of us will be able to look in the mirror with confidence and walk away with a strut, knowing we’re deeply and happily hot.

Your turn…

What character traits make a person attractive in your eyes?  What are the top qualities you look for in a significant other or a close friend?  Share your thoughts with the community by leaving a comment below.

Author Bio:  Ken Wert blogs at Meant to be Happy where he inspires readers to live with purpose, act with character, think with clarity and grow with courage on the way to a life of happiness.  Sign up for his free eBook, A Walk Through Happiness!  Or follow him on Twitter.

Photo by: Rhiannon Daire

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72 Comments

  • Great post!

    I think that a “youthful” personality is attractive. By youthful, I mean curious and engaging. I do not mean that “youthful looking” is attractive (I mean it is), but it’s that enthusiastic and curious personality. Sometimes, when one grows older, that fades.

  • To answer your question, versatility in character is a very sexy trait. Knowing when to be serious or when to be crazy is something I’m surprised so little people understand. Then again, I’m still a college student, but a girl my age who understands versatility is very attractive.

  • Resilience; good humor; a sense of irony, but not to the point of nihilism; caring for others; compassion for self and others; kindness; and responsibility for oneself and one’s feelings.

  • Someone who is intelligent, funny, kind, honest, charismatic, adventurous, honorable, and has a lust for life and an open mind. Someone who also has an interest in people in general and all life and likes to find the innerworkings of things with a deep curiosity.

  • In the last months of my 8 year relationship I found that my truly loved one had, sadly, become incredibly un~sexy to me…He had become all these negatives you’ve listed. It made me so sad to still see the gorgeous man in front of me and yet feel no passion whatsoever. Sexiness is soul deep.

    Nothing is a “sexy killer” like a lack of integrity.

    Thank you so much for this post. I hadn’t actually realized that this was what happened until I read this. It is so true.

  • David J. Singer
    June 17th, 2013 at 7:07 am

    Ken:
    Glad to see your great work on this terrific site.
    Another clever piece by you, coming from an angle others don’t think of.
    Best regards,
    David

  • Most definitely, humility and a sparkle in the eye; the knowledge that one is only human! I agree with the curiosity factor; it keeps passion alive! To move onward when everything seems to be going downhill, with the confidence that something will come along….very sexy! (As is empathy!)

  • Humility. The single most unattractive trait is boastful arrogance; the person who thinks they are “hot”. I have known both men and women to be conceited. Even if they are physically attractive, relying on that and using it for their gain totally ruins it completely.

  • An active mind: Not just intelligence but the desire to use it, to keep trying new things, learning and growing. A person who still looks ahead at age 90 is sexy.

    A joyful heart: Someone who knows how to laugh, who doesn’t take themselves too seriously, who is comfortable enough in their skin to let you be yourself is sexy.

    A gentleman: A nice man with good values who knows how to treat a lady is sexy.

  • Love love love this. Thank you so much for embracing authenticity and working to help others embrace it as well. I’ve recently begun my own journey to self-compassion and emotional truth; I’ve always been a happy and dynamic person, but underneath it all was self-doubt and guilt over pretty much everything. That self-doubt led me to craft my words and manage reactions to please others, so few people were truly getting the real me. I’m done with that now; it’s time to be authentic and transparent. That’s the only way we can reconnect and gain back the village that we’ve lost. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there so others will too.

  • Having a sense of humour is very sexy! To make myself and others laugh with ones witty and funny nature is truely sexy!
    Living life on your term is very sexy for me!

  • “Our superficial culture honors the young and thin. It holds up the tall and full-lipped and big-bosomed as the epitome of sexy. ” This won’t change until people ‘wake up’ and realize it’s an illusion.

    The character traits and top qualities I look for in a significant other and or close friend are: intelligence, open mind, artistic/creative, independent/self-sufficient, generous, kind, integrity, good sense of humor, willingness to learn and grow, respect for others and themselves, animals, and the environment; emotionally stable, and overall good person.

  • wow, you are sooo right! also, i guess if you foster these traits in yourself not only will the others find you attractive, but you are most likely to find yourself attractive too. it seems to me that the later part is somehow more tricky. and i don’t mean self acceptance on the level of looking in the mirror and saying gosh i look great, I’m such a catch. i mean it in a way that you care about yourself deeply, do not beat yourself up and really enjoy your own company. after all, we are stuck with yourself for life and no matter how sexy our partner is, still it’s hard to enjoy this time feeling fed up with yourself.

  • Confidence, passion and living with purpose are attractive characteristics in any person. And humour is also an essential trait - both for happiness and sexiness in the traditional sense!

  • When the person you are in a relationship with totally adores you, worships you and has eyes for no-one but you - that’s when they become the sexiest creature on earth!

  • I love all your posts and I really appreciate this one today. Thank you.

  • S- self accepting
    E- elegant inside
    X- eXtra ordinary in character
    Y- youthful even at 80

    My take on being sexy!

  • Love this post! You’re bang on. I would add the ability to laugh at oneself is sexy. I also find authentic confidence and humility super sexy!

  • I think a sexy character trait is doing exactly what you say your going to do. Never backing out of your word. My husband has this trait and I think it’s sexy! And something I want to add to my sexy…

  • To me, sexy is an honest smile and a caring heart - someone who helps you feel better about yourself and your situation.

  • I’ve known many physically hot women, but too many are just trading off their looks and aren’t all that great personality-wise. Not all, of course. Some physically attractive women I’ve known are great people.

    Yet, it’s the one who always has a ready smile, the one who brings life to a crowd, ready to be a little silly and always ready to help a friend. These kind of people make it a pleasure to go to work when all other factors are negative.

    They may not look all that pretty in a picture, but a two-dimensional image can’t capture the inner beauty that shines through when you meet them.

  • I’d go for someone who goes the extra mile with their thoughtfulness. It costs nothing and it is so rewarding - for both parties…

    Martin

  • My two faves on this list are thoughtfulness and self-responsible. I find these both to be EXTREMELY attractive characteristics, and lucky for me, my wife embodies both of them (and more!). It’s hard for me to think that most of the booty shakers out there are considerate of others or reliable (I’m totally stereotyping though). The point is that I agree. Thanks for the thoughtful post (you know I like thoughtful!:-)).

  • Being self-responsible also demands that I protect my health so that I can go on being sexy way beyond my current age - 60!

  • To me sexiness, lovability, attractiveness - whatever you call it - has three facets: physical, emotional and intellectual.

    Physical because you have to find the other person physically attractive - at least initially. If there is no physical attraction the relationship is a non-starter in any case.

    Emotional because you have to establish some kind of connection that adds another layer. It’s a question of liking the other person. Of wanting to be in his or her company - the reasons could be compassion, a sense of humor, an ability to understand and so on.

    Finally the intellectual angle. You need to appreciate or at least enjoy the other person’s intellect. You should never be dismissive of his or her opinions, but must believe they add value.

    Without all three facets, sexiness has no meaning.

  • Great Great post, as always!!

    I would have to say optimism- having that zest for life. Acknowledging that yes things can go wrong, as they sometimes do, but having that faith and optimism that there is a reason for everything and a bright side in the end.

    Humilty would also be another one-the opposite of arrogance .

    Great post as always-always insightful and enlighting.

  • Has to be passion for me. I could not be with someone as a friend or lover if they didn’t truly love something so much they fight for it. And a youthfulness that transcends numbers and looks. And not taking yourself too seriously, I get really freaked out when people can’t laugh at themselves.

  • There is a big distinction between someone who inspires that spark in you vs. finding someone you only find physically attractive. One can in fact exist without the other, even though the opposite of that message seems to be emphasized a lot.

    It is a very good thing that you are taking a look at some of the character traits going on underneath the surface that contribute to this.

  • I think that someone who prioritizes being kind and respectful over a ‘need to be right’/forcing their perspective is an attractive quality. Also, my fiance starts his day with such energy, joy and passion — I am not a morning person and can’t relate but I just love this quality of his…

  • Lots of good stuuf here, in the Post and the Comments. I would add a couple of things one:

    Sexy changes over time. In your 20’s and 30’s its all outside appearances. In 40’s and 50’s it shifts to the internal qualities. Beyond that, its the Big Picture.

    Sexy is defined, quite well, by our friends here in terms of actions, not just adjectives. For me sexy now includes some other qualities:

    Is she a good mother/parent?
    Will she fight for a cause?
    Do my oldest friends love her like I do?
    How does she handle a crisis with me? Or without me?
    How does she handle money and finances?
    Can she go out without makeup and hair done, and still be herself?

  • It’s so important to surround yourself with people that give out positive energy, and negative energy people have a tendency to lower the moral in a room. So yes, definitely a positive attitude :)

  • Great points by David above - especially the part about handling a crisis. A woman who can handle herself with humility, proactivity and positivity is definitely sexy.

  • I would add another - confidence is sexy. A powerful person in charge of themselves is very attractive.

  • Humility: It’s a kind of calm Self Confidence and Passion together, that makes a person keep striving hard to become proficient in the art of living by their intelligent choices, and yet not bragging about it. These are people who are humble because they feel that they’re not ever “there” - but loving the journey, they are always grateful to be doing what they are doing, understanding that they will stumble from time to time, but happy to put in continuous effort because both the journey and the goal are meaningful to them.

    Thoughtfulness: I would have said Generosity and Generosity of Spirit, but that’s how you describe thoughtfulness.

  • If only I could master #2, then I would be the sexiest person out there =)

  • Very great post. My eyes have opened, I never thought of sexiness that way, I also had that native view of what it meant. I’m taking it to another level, another new dimension..

  • I believe one must consider the times and the many who may not be living the life they’d love to have due to economic or other extenuating circumstances outside their control. Personally, I the find courage and grace in those who suffer and hold their heads high, generously giving of themselves to be sexy!

  • Awesome post! The old paradigm and perceptions of what is attractive and what is truly valued, are just that, so old! Love your take on this.
    Someone who is ‘at home in their own skin’ (self-love, self-acceptance, fully self expressed) - that’s attractive. Being who you really are in the world and doing what you love - that results in shining from the inside out… nothing more charismatic and magnetic than that!
    Bernadette :)

  • I love this post, and the comments are great. I would like to add, sexy is someone who listens, I mean really listens, so that months after you said something they remember it exactly. Sexy is someone who finds positive things to say about people and cares about other’s welfare. Sexy is someone who surprises you. Sexy is a man who realises that by being good to you, he is going to get so much love back!

  • Great article Ken.

    To answer your question. I think the trait I love most is Warmth. You just feel you want to be around that person because they lift you up, make you feel valued, and help you become a better person.

  • Such a lovely case for happiness as the new form of sexy. Thank you.

  • Wow! “Sexy” is so unique, so personal to each individual. As this post so clearly expresses, it is not beauty necessarily, nor materially obvious expressions of sex. I am a nut about saving articles I like, long before computers, blogs, and zines, and I have one that I saved from 1977. It was actually a duo in Mademoiselle Magazine, one titled “What Do Men Really Want From Women” and the other “What Do Women Really Want From Men.” The one written from the man’s perspective was so much stronger that I saved it all this time, but tossed the one written from the woman’s. What the article said, in main:

    Grace. Brains. History. Mystery. Theater. Laughs. Stamina. Sanctuary.
    In many ways this blog and the comments remind me of this article. At 23 I had no reference for why this all struck me as so RIGHT! But now, after marriage to my high school love, and his early death from cancer, I can say that it is right - I have lived it.
    Yes, it is continuously sexy, through the hard times, the great times, the ugly times, and the lonely times. I hope everyone can find this “sexy” life!

  • For me, there is nothing more attractive than a man who is compassionate about other people. It’s a trait that most lack and is very much a golden rule of mine.

  • Humbleness~ there is nothing more sexy to me then a man/woman who has expertise, experience, education, career, money etc etc and you would never know it. Now that’s SEXY!

  • Moral courage , optimistic, confidence,open mind, sense of humor

  • For me someone who knows what they want out of life is ’sexy’ and goes for it no matter what!

    Thoughtfulness & caring also tick the boxes.

    I loved all the above character traits I think they just about covered me :-)

  • Great piece as always guys, keep it up.

  • Thanks so much for the enthusiastic response to my guest post. I’ve loved reading what all of you have had to say.

    Marc and Angel definitely have an awesome readership.

    @Alissa: I think curiosity is sexy too. The opposite is indifference. Not a sexy trait!

    @Grace: I love the idea of resilience as sexy. Those who get crushed by circumstances deserve our compassion and empathy for sure. But those who are able to muster the courage and wherewithal to stand under the burden and weather the storms of life with equanimity are certainly a sexy bunch.

    @Ashley: I love the phrase: “lust for life.” You’re right about that adding sex appeal to a person. Passion for living life and enjoying it with zeal is such an attractive quality.

    @Andrea: “Sexiness is soul deep” is so well said. Its the substance of sexiness, right? So sorry you’ve found your man wanting in the area of integrity. You’re right about that being a “sexy killer.” But if he’s open to change, while difficult to recognize sincere change from disingenuous manipulation, sexiness can return. And it’s worth the effort. I hope he’s open to the conversation.

    @David: Thank you so much, David. That means a lot to me.

    @Diane: I agree–boredom is just not an attractive characteristic. Curiosity is.

    @Sasha: Yes, we all know people who “know” they’re hot and act that way. Very unsexy.

    @Cindy: I love your point about growth. Stagnation of any kind (intellectual, emotional, spiritual) is such a turn off.

    @Purple Momma: (with that name, I had to follow the link to your site and wow! What eyes!) So glad you’ve been able to put feeling guilty about everything behind you. Authenticity is truly a sexy trait.

    @Rinku: A sense of humor is absolutely mandatory in a relationship with me. Life is such a funny predicament. When we can laugh about it, we rise above its challenges. When we can’t we sink in it and drown.

    @Amandah: I can’t tell you how sexy emotional stability is! We are kindred spirits here. Emotional instability is not only unsexy, it can wear on others in profound ways.

    @Maga: I like this: “you are most likely to find yourself attractive too.” I agree with you! When we develop the traits we’ve been talking about here, we look better to others and to the most important person, the one looking back from the mirror.

    @Jennifer: Living with passion and purpose adds meaning and direction to life. It lifts and motivates and inspires action. Very sexy, for sure!

    @Tamara: I don’t know if I want someone so emotionally dependent that they worship me, but adoration is certainly a good thing! :)

    @Becky: Thanks so much!

    @Grace: I love your take on sexy! “elegant inside.” Nicely said!

  • @Cate: Yes! “The ability to laugh at oneself” is such a great quality. Those who take themselves too seriously are such a turnoff.

    @Tracy: Saying what you mean and meaning what you say creates massive amounts of trust and respect. And when someone can be totally trusted, all sexiness breaks out, right?

    @Dev: “Someone who helps you feel better about yourself” –That’s a great addition, Dev.

    @David: “A two-dimensional image can’t capture the inner beauty.” Perfectly said, David!

    @Martin: Thoughtfulness and extra miles extending it is definitely a sexy trait to have.

    @Nate: You’re a luck man, Nate! Be sure you wife knows you think so! Thanks for the thoughtful comment! ;)

    @Susan: Sexy at sixty! Absolutely! I agree about the importance of taking care of your health.

    @Pandrang: I think the physical attraction is even better when it grows and develops over time based on a mutual kind of respect and understanding and deep love for the one you’ve committed to, much better than any kind of initial attraction, to my way of thinking. Still, you make a great point about the multidimensional aspect of attraction. Thanks for adding that to the conversation.

    @Mirna: I love optimism too. Woody Allen pessimism is just hard to tolerate anywhere but the movies.

    @Natasha: Passionate people who get up in the morning ready to fight for what they love is definitely an attractive quality. When I think of the opposite, a big slimy slug comes to mind. Not much of a turn on.

    @Michael: “Inspires that spark in you”–I love this, Michael. So true!

  • I enjoy your page very much. This is another great post. I would add that doing a good deed simply to do a good deed (with no expectation of acknowledgement or reward) is sexy. Often times I feel people do a good deed for the sake of karma, rather than for the sake of just the deed itself or to be “rewarded” or “paid back” later.

  • Hi, I think good writers are sexy. :)

  • What a refreshing take on the definition of sexiness!

    I totally agree that we need to “take back the very notion of sexiness and recast it in the mirror of more profound and enduring qualities”.

    To add to your list, caring for others and being generous are two character traits that are really sexy as well. Selflessness is an attractive trait. Selfishness is not.

  • To me, one of the sexiest things is kindness. I’ve dealt with a lot of horribly unkind people in my life and have come to realize, they we’re seriously unhappy people. So to me, kindness and happiness are the sexiest traits someone can have. To just be able to find happiness in the most dire of situations and not letting them make you unkind, that is true sexiness.

  • Ha i love this, especially the ”knowing we are happily and deeply hot” that made me laugh. I always say that people who never smile or aren’t happy for no reason scare me. I find it so easy to relax in happy company even if its me!

    Thanks for another wonderful article.will spread the word… Happy=Sexy :)

  • Sexiness is something that changes with age, when I was younger it was all about looks, now as you get a bit older positivity, drive and determination are things that get me going :-)

  • I love this, very well said and sadly not known by many, but will spread the word definately. Being comfortable in your own skin and being yourself, optimistic, sense of humour and honesty are some of the sexy traits I would look for.

  • I love the traits you chose. What I also look for is a sense of humor, ability to listen, compassion, & enthusiasm.

  • There is nothing more UN-sexy than a fake, over dramatic person whom lacks self confidence. And even worse one who claims to be a Conservative Christian whom lacks morals and convictions.

    Be yourself! Be humble and happy! Easy going, honest and thankful. Love and preserve life and nature. Servitude of others and especially of the less fortunate is beautifully sexy!
    Thank you Mark and Angel as always a great piece!

  • To me an attractive man is one that is intelligent and has substance and independence. However; since i am intelligent and attractive i expect my partner to be the same. I have dated men that were smart; yet unattractive it just didnt work. It made me feel uncomfortable and sad. Im not saying unattractive people that are smart arent valuable because they all are. Yet, Im saying its my own personal preference. Its my choice my life.

  • I think my standards are different in my life attractive with attractive. Its just my view my opinion for my life. Others can do what they please. My whole life i felt like i had to prove that not only i am attractive but intelligent. Not enough because people will always find something to hate on. So its best to walk away from unpleasant people and accept life as it is.

  • I think that comfort in oneself: the way a person walks, sits or holds themself shows me this. Twitching, uptight postures, tense facial expressions when there is no need to feel pressured are all unsexy.

    I also think the sense of someone being open, of letting others near them is sexy; someone who is the opposite of fearful leaders and just people in general these days: who does not care if someone tries to find a way to put them down, they embrace that person anyway and disarm them as a result. So maybe disarming charm is the key, but sincere charm.

    I also like comfortable eccentricity: someone unafraid to crack an eccentric joke, at their own expense sometimes or in general as just an observation of the absurdities of everyday life. I am immediately turned off by guys who use humour to put others down, just so mean-spirited, and it says to me that, beyond being just mean, this person is miserly in every aspect of their life. Someone who is considerate but not self-censoring in a healthy, eccentric way appeals to me as they keep things in perspective during stressful times. We all need that rock and I think myself, I can be that person too.

  • It’s definitely all about confidence. With confidence comes sexiness. Being able to have that inner confidence will shine from the inside out. When a person allows their inner being to unleash, they can’t help but express sexiness!

    Great blog! :)

  • Well, I like people who would give their time to other people happily.

  • Humble, accepting, confident and kind, with a smile… is sexy. Only if our minds could process this before our eyes could make up their mind, we wouldn’t be asking questions like ‘Is that sexy or just kind of nice?’

  • I agree with the poster above who said a person who has education, money, holdings, etc and you’d never know it is sexy. Dead on. The sexiest guy I know is a multimillionaire in his 30’s and fits that description. Understated. Simple. Only talks about these things if it comes up in conversation, and even then he underplays everything, as if it’s no biggie.
    He rocks my whole world and doesn’t even know it!

  • What I find most attractive in a man is someone who is comfortable in their own skin, who is down to earth and doesn’t try to be anyone else. When there’s turmoil, he takes charge and keeps a level head endeavouring to find the right solution.

  • Happy people never grow old… they look younger than their real age forever…

    A happy person’s smile is genuine and eyes are lively. These are 2 traits visible in a happy person even before she even speaks a word.

  • Excellent post, thank you!

    I find people that show compassion for others, that can read your silence, and your sorrows, and bring you out of that mode you are in, are sexy. Showing a person that you truly care, no matter how angry, sad, depressed, or quiet you are, by just a little act, a touch of the hand, asking if they can just help you get through it, is sexy. It shows caring and love.

  • Great article! I would add conversation or communication to the list… getting to know someone.

  • The art of engaging is sexy. Undivided interest and attention when one is speaking…eye contact, affirmative body language. In a friend I look for that, and try to be that for others. A sense of humor and love of laughter is very sexy!

  • I would add sense of humor. The ability to get others to laugh and of course the ability to laugh at oneself. :)

  • To Jen who commented on June 17th, 2013 at 8:35 pm!! We must be kindred spirits. I was in my mid-teens when that same piece, “What Men Really Want From Women…grace, brains, history, mystery, theatre, laughs, stamina and sanctuary” was published in Reader’s Digest (although from the man’s side only). I copied it and had it posted on my wall all through high school and university. And then I misplaced it. I still know most of it by heart–but not all of it. I have tried to track it down, but Reader’s Digest has so far been unable to locate it in its archives. Any chance that you would reprint the entire thing here? I would be so very grateful. Thank you!

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