Once you know better, you can do better.
Angel and I receive dozens of amazing emails from amazing people every day. This morning I received three that truly blew me away. And while I won’t share these emails in their entirety with you, out of respect for each person’s privacy, I will share one small paragraph – a bite-sized story – from each that I know will make you think:
- “My mom is a healthy 55-year-old who successfully owns and operates a popular bakery downtown – a goal she’s had all her life. 15 years ago she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. In the face of possible death, she quit her store clerk job, opened the bakery, started chemo and radiation therapy, and succeeded on all fronts.”
- “This afternoon my teammate broke his right arm during our first game of the season. It was actually his first game in over two years, after his doctors told him that he would never play again due to knee surgery. This evening when I stopped by to see him I assumed he would be terribly upset. Instead he smiled and said, ‘That hour I spent on the field today was once only a dream.’”
- “Two of my ex-coworkers actually laughed at me last year when I told them I dreamed of opening my own hair salon. When I spoke with you and Angel on a coaching call that same afternoon, Angel said something like, ‘We’ve known quite a few people who went after their dreams and succeeded. One thing they all had in common was they got laughed at in the process.’ Well, I’m happy to say, I opened my salon six months ago and business is great!”
So what do you think? For me, above all, these stories remind me that living a rewarding life isn’t easy, and it certainly isn’t guaranteed, but it’s possible with the right attitude and drive, and worth every bit of effort you can muster.
So with this theme in mind, here are a few harsh truths that I hope will jolt you awake and motivate you to make changes – to do what it takes – to live your version of a great life:
- No one else can give you the exact answers you need to be happy and successful. – There are many important answers only you can give yourself, through firsthand experience and self-reflection. So stop listening to what the world says you should want. Start listening to who you are. Once you’re tuned-in to yourself, a time will come when you finally get it. When in the midst of life’s chaos and commotion you stop dead in your tracks and, from somewhere deep down, the voice inside your head cries out “ENOUGH!” This moment is the turning point that leads to happiness and success.
- The things we do right are often NOT the right things to do. – It’s always better to go slowly in the right direction than quickly in the wrong direction. Ask yourself if what you’re doing is moving you closer to where you want to be. Know that doing the right things is far more important than doing things right. There is nothing quite so wasteful as doing with great proficiency something that should not be done at all.
- The unhappiest folks are those who care the most about what everyone thinks. – Truth be told, you have nothing to prove and everything to be. Let the opinions of others inform you. Don’t let them limit you.
- The people you surround yourself with will make you or break you. – Surround yourself with positive people – positive influences. Let them serve as subtle, yet continuous reminders to be your very best.
- Being real and straightforward may not make you the most popular person in the room. – But it will make you the right friends and contacts.
- You will always be incredibly imperfect. – If you wait until you’re “perfect” before you share your stories, ideas, talents, and gifts with the world, no one will ever hear from you. (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)
- The draw of comfort is the biggest dream killer. – In the end, you can be comfortable or courageous, but not both at once.
- You cannot change what you refuse to confront. – If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old. If you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done. The bottom line is that you’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be. Don’t be afraid to start over and rebuild what you truly want.
- We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us. – Between what happened and what will happen is your choice. You are not a product of your circumstances; you are a product of your decisions. It’s about not letting your fear decide your future.
- The only path between wanting and having is doing. – There’s no getting around the need to take deliberate, focused action.
- Your dreams come true only when YOU make them come true. – And that’s precisely what makes them worth having and working hard for.
- Winners win not because they’re allowed to, but because they decide to. – Promise yourself something wonderful, and then do what it takes to fulfill that promise. You were born to be a success. Although to be successful, you must plan to be, prepare to be, expect to be, and work to be, every day. Success is not a secret. Success is a direction, a process, and a way of life.
- If achievement had no price, it would be of no value. – Pay the price. Do the work, and enjoy the rewards. It is far better to be exhausted from meaningful work than to be tired of doing nothing. Put in the effort and live the life you’ve imagined.
- Problems are part of every success story. – Life becomes more rewarding as it becomes more demanding. If you’re having problems, that’s good. It means you’re making progress. It means you’re learning and growing. The only people with no problems are the ones doing nothing.
- Focusing on petty problems is the greatest human addiction. – Break this habit. The negative things in life don’t need your help 24/7. Focus on your joys, your loves, and your goals instead. Give your energy to the positive sides of life – the opportunities – and take a step in the right direction. Big results in life and business are gained by noticing and exploiting good opportunities, not by finding and solving every petty problem. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Failures are inevitable and necessary. – Failure should be your teacher, not your attacker. Failure is a lesson, not a loss. It is a temporary, necessary detour, not a dead end.
- In life, what you want and what you get are rarely perfectly congruent. – In the end, after all is said and done, what’s meant to be will come your way, and what’s not will fall away. Just remember that life’s greatest gifts may not always be wrapped the way you expect.
- You are exactly where you’re supposed to be at this very moment. – Even if things aren’t the way you want them to be. Even if there’s more to do or undo. Even if you feel like you need to start over from scratch. Every experience and step is necessary.
- You can’t change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. – Be present. Focus. Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should.
- When you spend your time worrying and over-thinking everything, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want. – Nuff said.
- You can’t live a positive life with a negative attitude. – The most underrated trait of all successful people I’ve ever met: Positivity. Your attitude directly determines how well you live your life. (Read Authentic Happiness.)
- Life changes constantly, and often unpredictably. – Yes, life changes, but so can you. If you’re being pulled in every direction by forces beyond your control, take time to breathe and realign yourself with what you value most in life. Have the courage to make a necessary change when you must, the strength to see it through, and faith that everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to be.
Afterthoughts
Life is tough sometimes. There’s so much you simply can’t control, but you have to let these things GO. Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control. Be positive. Focus on the important steps you CAN take today, and go for it! No regrets. No looking back. Just hold on to life and move forward confidently.
We have no way of knowing exactly what lies over the horizon, but that’s what makes the journey even more exciting – that’s what makes today the most important day of your life. Make it count!
The floor is yours…
Which of the points in this post do you sometimes struggle with? How have you coped? What other truths have you learned that have helped you live well? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
Photo by: Ares Nguyen
Kimberly says
Thank you for another wonderful read. It’s my first time commenting here, but I’ve read most of your book, and many of your other articles on M&A.com. Your words always give me the extra push I need – they serve as a great reminder that through our struggles comes strength and the chance to discover who we really are. I think Johnny Cash summed it up best when he said, “a hammer knows the fire, before it knows the steal.”
The truth I live by: You will only ever live the life you create for yourself.
Mike says
What you mean is:
A rose looks gray at midnight but the flame is just asleep
And steel is strong because it knew the hammer and white heat
Johnny Cash – These Things Shall Pass – Lyrics
Sandra Pawula says
I think listening to our own truth is incredible important (#1). And focusing on petty concerns can obviously waste a lot of time. (#15)
You’re so right, life changes constantly and unpredictable. Right now lava is flowing toward our nearest town (10 miles away from us), which could radically change life in our area.
But, I know you just have to flow with whatever happens, accept, adapt, and rise above.
Irmi says
The truth I struggle with is: I am good enough.
It may not be a harsh truth, but it’s harsh that I often don’t believe it.
When I am confronted at work or home with someone challenging the way I do things, I immediately assume I’m wrong. Lately, I have made a conscious decision to talk softly with myself and breathe before I assume I made a mistake. I know deep down that I have worked hard for where I am in my career and life, and it didn’t happen by mistake. I must be worth more than I think… I know I am. I just need to keep reminding myself.
Lisa says
You are. Thank you, this is something I need to remind myself of as well.
Anita says
Interesting and inspiring read! I love reading your posts and actually share some of them with my sales team in our morning stand ups. I have always aspired to be an author and reading your posts have given me the tenacity, inner alignment and courage to realize my dream. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Sean Mathers says
These are all so true. I really appreciate hearing that we can do it, that there are no good excuses, and that we need to take responsibility for our own lives and dreams. Thank you! Your emails and blog posts are gradually turning me into a better version of myself.
Nehal says
It’s awesome! Am going through a career crisis.. I wanna do marketing and learn the strategies and then I want to start my own e-commerce business, but as per my bro he feels marketing is no career for women to excel in and my dad wants me to work with FIs.. and I don’t know how to convey them what my dream is.. 🙁
But this article has helped me at least have a clear vision of what exactly do I want to do in my life.
Do help me with my problem if you can!
Thanks a ton 🙂
lisa thomson-The Great Escape... says
Sweet list. Thanks for these awesome reminders. I related to the majority of them 🙂 Inspirational!
Eric says
I’m just curious, but why 22 truths, and not another number. Was there any intent, either conscious or otherwise, to connect these with the 22 keys of the major arcana?
Khushboo says
Really inspiring & thoughtful! Best: point 19.
You can’t change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. Truly, it is about being right here, right now in the present. Thanks for this great post. 🙂
Ron Soldano says
I recently posted this on my Facebook page. It has relevancy to this article:
As someone who has always gravitated towards the introspective side of life, I stay aware of and recognize that life is transient. I am continually in pursuit of answers. Not superficial answers given perfunctorily by the status quo, or no answers for that matter. Rather answers imbedded in truth. Having knowledge is, after all, authentic empowerment.
I am constantly learning, as much as I can about everything I can.
I am therefore… a student of life.
Kristine Adams says
Once again: supernatural synchrony. Thank you. In expanding range to offer memoir writing workshops, I’ve encountered both blank stares and piqued interest–and realize my own passion is the most compelling element needed. Two meetings today, two more tomorrow, and my vision is keen. Yesss!
C.Sam says
I always look forward to receiving Marc & Angel emails, however this email has been my all time favorite. Very insightful and inspiring. The points that struck me most are #1, 10, and 20… although there was something in each point for me to take in and learn from. Thank you, as always!
Ryan says
Thanks as always for some wonderful reminders and insight. I think for me, my biggest obstacles are #10 and #11.
I spend plenty of time doing the things to get my mind right. I’m positive, I visualize success and happiness, I keep the right company, and then I sit around in fear and do very little to go get my dreams.
Still, my life is unfolding as it should and I take baby steps forward…
Breanda says
This is wonderful! I can relate to so many points. I need thee reminders in my life. I will print this list and review one point a week for the next 22 days. 🙂
Friend says
I am not sure what this means. If anyone can explain, please do. Thank you very much.
“If you’re being pulled in every direction by forces beyond your control, take time to breathe and realign yourself with what you value most in life.”
Marian says
Don’t forget to give yourself plenty of time to think things through too. Things have got to become quiet and still for you to make logical decisions. Create this time and space for yourself. At times there will be some emotional pain; but let it come; the truth will reveal itself, good or bad, then you know what you’re up against.
Ruby says
Thank you, I’m not going to let my fear decide my future today.
Katherine Swarts says
My own top long-neglected hard truth: Lack of immediate results (or progress) is NOT a sign that the whole thing was a bad idea. I’ve been tripping over that point for years in trying to set a firm vocational path:
-too much trying to imitate the exact procedure that propelled someone else into their dream vocation;
-too much demanding to go from $5,000 level to $50,000 level overnight and quitting when even $5,500 doesn’t emerge after two weeks;
-too much allowing doubt to arise every time someone says, “Oh, come on, NO ONE makes high income from online content writing!” (Well, I know of several people who do–though sometimes I’d like to hear just one motivational speaker or writer who HASN’T had their own major breakthrough yet, someone whom I could really identify with at this stage, who knows how to believe something will happen BEFORE it does.)
Paul says
I am going through a situation that has tested and built my Faith in many ways. There is this person who means the world to me, but it takes a lot to make the relationship work. And reading these 22 points brings things in perspective. I think many times we all let ourselves go unchallenged and we accept what is, but we can make progress. Change is inevitable just like getting older.
I hope that “Belief” and “Faith” will continue to be the foundation to a beautiful life together.
Don says
I especially struggle with 21. It is so hard to keep a positive attitude when things want to go wrong, but it is so important to stay positive and grateful in and through the trial.
Poppy says
I love your articles, they have been such a help to me to develop a new positive mindset, and this is the best yet. This is going to get printed out and referred to a lot. The Internet
is both a blessing and a curse. There is a lot of bad stuff on it, but your writings, thoughts and life lessons are truly a blessing. I am so glad I found your site. It is helping me to become a better person.
Iva Ursano says
#11 and #16. I struggled with looking like a failure for a long time. Not anymore. My *failures* were huge lessons for me. I like to call them my University Degrees in Life. I have a wall full of them and still push forward. I am proud of my degrees. I am proud of who I am today. Never stop believing or dreaming.
Silvia says
@Irmi: I feel very much the same and often doubt whether I am good enough working myself up with negative self talk and constant over-thinking, (point 20) which makes me feel down most of the time. I have a wonderful fiance who always encourages me and tells me how great I am so why do i not believe myself?
Marc and Angel I simply love your posts. They are full of true life pearls of wisdom you share. I will be forever grateful.
Moira says
Thank you.
“You cannot change what you refuse to confront.”
I’m such an ostrich that I let things blow up instead of dealing with them. I know this through experience but I found it hard to change. Ready to rebuild..
Saiisha says
I guess we need to be grateful for these awakening harsh truths, but when we’re in the midst of them, they feel uncomfortable and chaotic.
I’m in the middle of one of those moments right now, and I try to tell myself to stay present and receive the lessons… but it’s not easy!
Taking baby steps (despite my fear) is the only way that has worked for me so far. And then once I get on the path, the path seems to pull me forward.
Thank you for this thoughtful article full of wisdom!
Naveen Kulkarni says
Point # 11, about dreams. I couldn’t agree more with it.
Everyone has dreams, but they manifest into reality only through actions.
Catherine Cavanaugh says
It’s always nice to see others affirming the things we fear the most for ourselves, but ultimately we have to take the leap, take the risk or never reap the rewards don’t we? It doesn’t actually matter how many times someone tells us that we fail every time we don’t try at all, when we really want someone to just guarantee the success straight away. Thing is, life’s never a sure thing, and since life isn’t… neither are any of the nuances that come along with the package. This blog is helping to make those leaps a bit easier, but ultimately laying the jump solely at our own feet, empowering us to be okay with jumping in the first place.
Danielle says
Wow the universe is talking directly to me. After visiting Ghana, I shared with several close friends that I want to now leave the US and move there. Everyone one things i’m crazy and said that it can’t be done. They also thought I was crazy to travel to Ghana alone. I’m learning to say screw what people think and do what makes me happy. I’m going to follow my dream and move to Ghana. I’m learning the language, and researching places to live. I’ve learned that you cant share everything with everyone. You must do what makes your soul smile.
Cheers
Holly says
I spent the weekend at an event surrounded by a group of people determined to focus on the petty (#15) incessantly. A dog can’t worry a bone longer than they worried the ridiculous “problem.” It drove me mad but also made me aware once again that I too can chew that bone and not be willing to drop it.
Vishnu says
I love 10 & 16! Everything we need to do in life requires action. Dreams without actions are just wishes and hopes unfulfilled. We actually got to get out there and do it.
And failure has without question been my teacher, my confidante, my life changer and life saver. Failure can transform our lives to something much greater than it ever was before if we learn from it and grow from it.
Thank you both for this shot of inspiration.
Sebastian Aiden Daniels says
These are all so true. The one that resonated the most with me was #3. I use to be in that boat and it is a miserable way to live. You will be constantly unhappy. You will never be content if you thrive off of external validation.
Being real is also something I have embraced recently. Some people will not like you for it. You will know that your friends do care about you if they are around when you are the real you.
Thanks for the powerful thoughts and harsh truths.
Midnight Mike says
After 30 plus years as a police officer, I am going to apply for a new part time job tomorrow–as a charter coach driver. I know some people will think I’m nuts but I’ve wanted to do it for years.
swebeck says
@Midnight Mike: Awesome. Good luck!
Alana says
I needed to read this today and am bookmarking it for when I need to read it again, which I will. I’m working on a novel and am also a photographer. It’s not usually taken seriously that I am doing is actual work and I’m ok with that. Life is too short to be stuck doing work I am not passionate about. Sometimes though, the doubts creep in, especially as my husband who has MS is progressing rapidly and thoughts about the future start rattling around in my mind bringing all their fears and what not.
Captain Kirk says
Marc and Angel…
This post reminds me of an inspirational quotation that centers on the person we are INSIDE.
“What lies BEHIND us, and BEFORE us are tiny matters – compared to what lies WITHIN us.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are moving ahead in life with with a powerful forward thrust!
Gai Nguyen says
I agree with 3. I don’t care what everyone thinks, therefore I am always happy. Usually we think they think about us, but they don’t, whereas they may be saying something.
Marc Chernoff says
@Nehal: I immediately thought of this article when I read your comment 10 Lies You Will Hear Before You Pursue Your Dreams. I know it will help.
@Ron Soldano: Best way to live.
@Friend: Life is unpredictable and oftentimes we feel as though many events are competing for our attention. Instead of feeling as though you must participate in every happening, take a moment and focus on those that align most with your values.
@Katherine Swarts: Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural outcome of consistently applying your focused effort to what you want. The fatigue might be there sometimes, but you must understand that putting it aside is the single most important factor in succeeding. The journey is the hardest part but the most rewarding when you see it through.
@Danielle: When it comes to exercising your inner genius, you must try what you want to try, go where you want to go, and follow your own intuition. Don’t accept false choices. Don’t let others put a cage around your ideas. If it feels right, take a chance. Because you never know how absolutely perfect it could turn out to be. As Steve Jobs once said, “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Congratulations!
@Holly: Interesting how easily we see it in others when we’re often guilty ourselves. Much needed rude awakening most of the time.
@Midnight Mike: Good for you! Enjoy!
@All: As always, we love reading and mulling over your comments. Thank you for the additional insight.
eeza says
#1 is scary. It’s scary because I sort of know what I want to do (start a music business) but the ‘rest of the world’ would advise me to get a job because gaps on my resume look really bad. I know what advice I DO want to hear – ‘stop asking everyone questions and go and start your business, forget the resume because if you fail, you can say you spent those years trying to set up a business’.
I wish I was 18 again. I miss having all the time in the world and the ignorance to not give a flying lizard about something like a resume. 30 is ancient.
Lisa says
Don’t let your attitude determine your altitude.
MaryAnn says
You are a GodSend. Might even be a GodWink that this message was delivered today. That phrase came up when i watched Sunday Morning yesterday.
Just found out my job that I’ve been very frustrated with may not exist after the end of the year and I need a kick in the pants to move forward and find something bigger and better and more aligned with what my talents are.
Thank you especially for #22. I need to courage to move from my job of 10 years (today, btw) and go on to something that i can feel really good about and love the process instead of dreading it and being fearful.
Stephanie says
I have been reading your posts for a couple of years now. I just can’t thank you enough. You have helped me build a tremendous new life! The gift you provide here is absolutely priceless. Thank you. Thank you!
mod says
Failures are inevitable and necessary — It’s been talked through my ears until the meaning was lost. so many times but it never sinks in. I have shown some courage, taken some risk. I have taken a different path, radical but so pedestrian. Bold maybe, but now it seems so feeble. So typical.
Fear of failure has petrified me. It’s a pattern, constantly cropping up in my life. To throw away a great job and everyone I ever knew, give up my career and move 2,000 miles away was easy. The actual challenge is overcoming the fear I generated from it: the ever present thought of dragging myself back home, beaten, broke, proving my dreams foolish and my ideals naive. Indulging in the fear itself is the only likely way I will fail, yet I cling to it in my heart, and my rational thoughts bounce around uselessly in my head. I didn’t expect any fantasy of painless transition, believe me. My new environment, my new life, kicked me in gut so hard I can barely breath, the change is so utterly complete. In an oddly sideways world, I probe the darkest caverns of my mind to uncover my deepest fears, in the shade of a palm tree on a picturesque tropical afternoon. Everything beautiful has taken on a sinister slant and I am constantly on edge. The only familiar things are McDonald’s signs and the commentary in my head, a play by play of each possible failure, my self doubt.
My fear is like this stupid palm tree, I can either hold on to the trunk(likely covered in biting insects as most everything is), or walk in any other direction, but it’s impossible to do both and I am the singular cause of my own immobilization, actively working against my own best interest to wallow in regret and pain, before I have even tried! Jesus.
Gary Hickman says
Focusing on petty problems is the greatest human addiction
It still amazes me how many people I meet who have suffered severe illness or experienced a loved ones death yet still fail to realise how prescous and short our lives are. They continue to hold on to petty grudges and concentrate on the problems in their lives, rather than counting their blessings.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, I look forward to reading some more of your work.
Paul says
Well I agree that it takes a special type of person to do this. Most certainly I’m a product of my decisions and those can never be changed. If as it’s put in 17 that what will be will be anyway then what does it matter. I don’t proclaim to have been blessed with any ideas, gifts or talents. Sometimes resigning to the fact that you just don’t have it in yourself to achieve dreams or goals is acceptance.