Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.
Truth be told, you can’t berate yourself into a better version of yourself. And even though I know this, I sometimes still fall victim to my own negative thinking. Sometimes I’m downright rude to myself. I make a mistake, or fall short of my own expectations, and instead of treating it as a learning opportunity, I beat myself up about it.
I’m sure you can relate. We’ve all been there. We all have bad days and moments of self-doubt.
Sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside. If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or timeframe, we assume we’re just “not good enough.” Angel and I hear about this kind of self-defeating mindset from our coaching clients and blog subscribers (subscribe here) on a daily basis, and like I said, we aren’t immune either.
So what can we do about it?
Here’s how I handle it: Every time I catch myself thinking I’m not good enough, I immediately write down an opposing thought that debunks my negativity. I’ve been doing this for the past several years and it’s made a tremendous difference in my life. I challenge you to do the same.
If you need a little extra inspiration, here are some things I’ve come up with – 20 good reminders when you’re feeling “not good enough”:
- Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. – YOU are walking your own path. Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel. Forget what everyone else is doing and achieving. Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live YOUR best life.
- Where you are right now is a necessary step. – Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on our ideals, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are right now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.
- Everything is coming together… maybe not immediately, but gradually. – When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Pain is part of growing. Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
- It is your resistance to “what is” that causes your suffering. – Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is,” rather than wishing for and worrying about “what is not.” “What is” is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be. The rest is just you, arguing with life. Think about that for a minute. This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are. You cannot control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens. In your response is your power. (Read The Power of Now.)
- Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace. – Choose to be miserable and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be miserable. Choose to be peaceful and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be at peace. Think about it. Are you skilled at making yourself miserable? With those same skills you can make yourself motivated, effective and fulfilled. Do so.
- You are always good enough to try, and that’s what’s important in the end. – Everything you achieve comes from something you attempt. Make the attempt. Trust me, twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do. Give yourself a chance.
- There’s always something small you can do. – There is absolutely nothing about your present situation that prevents you from moving forward, one tiny step at a time. Remember, vision without action is just a daydream; vision must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, you must step up the stairs. And all you have to do is take one step at a time. Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take that step.
- Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned. – No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence. Value and enjoy the journey, even when there are detours along the way.
- Yesterday’s impossibilities may be possible today. – Experience is the hardest kind of teacher; it gives you the test first and the lesson afterward. But this is really a blessing. It means you’re growing stronger and more capable with every passing day. So don’t you dare give up on today because of the way things looked yesterday. Don’t even think about it.
- What “might happen” can only stop you if you let it. – Rather than worrying about what might happen, move forward and use your energy and intelligence to deal with what does actually happen.
- The quality of your vision drives the quality of your life. – It’s up to you how you visualize things and what you focus on. Forget what you don’t like. Focus on what excites you. If you see a possibility, explore it. If you have a dream, live it. Those who are passionate and excited about what they’re doing have an advantage that is nearly impossible to conquer. Be one of these people. (Read Mindset.)
- You don’t need to get everyone’s approval first. – Stop listening to what the world says you should want. Start listening to who you are. Truth be told, there are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them.
- What you’re capable of achieving is greatly based on how much you want it. – When it means enough to you, then you can do it. When you are willing and committed and persistent, you will get yourself there, every time. Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural outcome of consistently applying your focused effort to what you want. The fatigue might be there sometimes, but you must understand that putting it aside is the single most important factor in succeeding.
- Your best bet is to give yourself no other choice. – It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice. In fact, achievement consists mostly of giving yourself no other choice. You are more than good enough; you just have to own it – you have to own everything you are and everything you’re up against. If you believe your troubles are too powerful, then you’ll never allow yourself to rise above them. Stop fretting. Quit worrying. Don’t complain. You know what you must do. So do it.
- You have to work hard on yourself too. – Self-respect, self-love, self-worth… there’s a reason they all start with “self.” You can’t receive them from anyone else. Earn the respect of others by having the audacity to respect yourself. Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with pots of gold at both ends. It’s your responsibility, above all, to see your own value. And this responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you; it means learning to use your own brains and intuition to make things happen – hence, grappling with hard work. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- You are stronger than whatever is troubling you. – Use each setback, each disappointment as a cue to push on ahead with more determination than ever before. When something bad happens, you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. The choice is yours. So pump yourself up! You are a lot stronger than you think you are. You may not be where you want to be yet, but look how far you’ve come. Celebrate the fact that you’re not where you used to be.
- For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else. – Appreciate what you have today. Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful. No regrets, just lessons. No worries, just acceptance. No expectations, just gratitude. Life is too short. The story of your life has many chapters. One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end. So stop re-reading the bad one already, and turn the page.
- You have made the best of some tough situations. – Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy with everything. Sometimes it just means you’re strong and smart enough to accept it and make the best of it.
- Your scars are symbols of your strength. – Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph. So don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
- You are still here trying. – If you have no other testimony right now, you have this one: “I’m still here trying.” Be positive, patient and persistent. The more you feel like quitting, the more there is to be gained by continuing to do all three. Because the strongest people aren’t the people who always win, but the people who don’t give up when they lose.
Afterthoughts
The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair. These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time.
And you’re getting there.
The floor is yours…
So, which of the points in this post do you resonate with the most? What makes you feel “not good enough?” How have you coped with this negativity? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
Photo by: Sander van der Wel
doodlesofgratitude says
#17 is spot on. Learn from every situation (good or bad) and you will grow and become a better person for it.
Thanks!
mary says
When bad things happen as they often do, they are lessons learned so you can move forward! Great guidelines to live by!!!
Nelda says
Found this in the perfect moment! I have been feeling pretty bad for differents reasons related to my personal and professional life, and this article just opened my eyes and helped me to see things from another perspective. Thank you very much for sharing this. Regards!
Richard says
A really excellent list of helpful pointers, far better than a lot of those sort of lists that float around the internet.
I’d like to suggest that while it’s best not to stress about unsatisfactory situations, as you say, you enhance your chances of achieving the change you want by focusing on it.
Trying to visualise something that exemplifies what you want to achieve with a picture — perhaps on your computer, fridge door, or a mirror, so that you see it each day, keeping it in mind — and as if by magic opportunities appear simply because you’re attuned to them. They were always there, but now you’re paying attention.
Layla says
Thank you. I love this article. All of it.
Ahmad says
This article is so powerful. Thank you very much.
Sebastian Aiden Daniels says
You are absolutely right in that one’s scars are a sign of their strength. Whenever I feel down, I look back at the real hard times in my life and think to myself, “Well I got through that, I can sure as hell get through this.”
Failure usually teaches the best lessons. Society seems to teach us to be afraid of failure and at the same time the people who have followed their dreams and achieved the “impossible” were the ones who embraced failure as part of the learning process.
Anne says
“What makes you feel “not good enough?””
I find myself comparing other authors’ ages to my own. The internal litany goes like this: “Wow. He’s 3 years younger than me. He’s been published since before he was 30. Here I am in my 40s and I’ve not published anything…”
But I haven’t given up. I’ll keep writing until I’m “good enough” in the eyes of an editor or agent. Thanks for a really good article!
Rhonda Waller says
WHO ARE YOU?
This post is absolutely awesome and on point. I really appreciate what is written here and I will definetly be reading more of you. I’m going to spend the next few minutes surfing you and I’m anticipating it being a pleasure. I hope you won’t mind if I use your points to encourage others. Keep writing. Enjoyed it.
Captain Kirk says
Marc and Angel…
Your website is the first – and only blog that has compelled me to offer my comments and personal “window seat” to the world.
The reason I chose your website is because it overflows…with life experiences, wisdom, insight, broad-band perspective, practical suggestions, and battle-tested strategies to improve our quality of life.
As I read and reflect upon your collection of personal experiences, articles, posts, and life strategies, I honor, recognize, and value your life coaching skills, love of writing and creative expression, and LOVE for PEOPLE. In fact, your genuine love and compassion for your readers and your desire to reach out to us…is the hallmark of your SUCCESS.
On my personal journey, I have encountered numerous challenges, adversities, …and some success stories…..and definitely earn my “stripes”.
As you commented in your “Afterthoughts”, our personal tragedies, adversities, and painful experiences, along with our personal triumphs – often result in developing qualities that shape, shake and bake us into more compassionate, sensitive, and empathetic human beings. When we harness and practice these new attributes, we transform into a CHAMPION for ourselves and others.
One more comment (an afterthought)
Recently, I discovered these words of wisdom that apply to this article.
Be TENDER with the young
COMPASSIONATE with the aged
SYMPATHETIC with the striving
and TOLERANT with the weak and strong….
Because some day in your life…….you will have been ALL of these!
Marc and Angel…
Thank you for CHAMPIONING all of us!
You are the BEST!
Marc Chernoff says
@Sara Stein: Don’t worry about perfection; you’ll never achieve it. Instead, focus on the progress you’ve made and the progress you intend to make today.
You know you will never get to the absolute peak (perfection), but when you celebrate the journey this truth only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.
@Paul: We can’t make anything valuable without making mistakes. Not a painting, not a relationship, not a career, not a life. If you wait until you have it all figured out to try, you will be waiting forever. And remember, if something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.
@All: You are good enough! Period. Do your best and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. If you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, and changing the world for the better.
Thank you for being vulnerable, honest and open with your comments. As many of you have said, it’s comforting to know we’re not alone in our struggles. You strengthen these articles with your personal stories and experiences. We greatly appreciate you being apart of the community. 🙂
Chisom says
Nos. 4, 6 and 15 resonate deeply. Thanks a lot for this. Amazingly, I left reading this write-up till today and it came at a time I really needed it. Its been a blessing having your newsletters so thank you. God bless and keep up your great work!!!
Noam Lightstone says
I grew up with a lot of circumstances that impregnated this belief into my mind, unfortunately. I actually wrote my most lengthy blog post on the effects of bullying to a person’s psychology and my past with it.
As I started to do some heavy internal work and look inside I realized a few things:
– I can only compare myself to who I was in the past, since everyone’s been through different things and it’s EXTREMELY unfair to try and compare myself to another person
– I heard in a motivational speech by Les Brown that almost 85% of our self talk is negative, we’re really good at focusing on negative thoughts. So, I’ve started trying to drown those out with all the positive things that are going on
– I started looking for ways to be grateful for everything I had, which I was missed before
– EVERYONE is scared of stuff and has insecurities. EVERYONE.
All these little things started adding up to the point where my self-esteem built up and I became a much happier person proud of all I accomplished.
Thanks for some daily inspiration 🙂
Anca says
Exactly what I needed to read, the perfect words and encouragements for a difficult period in my life.
Pet says
For a very long time I have been (and still am) suffering from extreme self-hatred to the point that even I don’t see where it’s coming from or think I deserve it. A lot of things in this posts were very strong words to me but the part that affected me the most was ” Earn the respect of others by having the audacity to respect yourself. Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with pots of gold at both ends. It’s your responsibility, above all, to see your own value.” Thank you. I will refer to this post whenever I need a push in the right direction.
Silke Jager says
Thank you! I’m very glad I stopped to read your article. After just publishing a marketing book my self-confidence is even lower than usual. I will try to stay positive and even if I never sell a book I will take the past six months as a valuable lesson. 🙂
Rebecca Lawrence says
I was looking for some clarity today and a way to cleanse my stresses and worries and reading this has done just that. Thank you and peace be with you x
Olivia says
Loving myself…I totally needed this read today… and I really need to love myself more!
Sherill says
Very inspirational. Just what you need when you are having one of those days. Thanks for sharing.
Cheyenne says
I absolutely love everything about this post. So inspirational, and just what I needed 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing.
xo, Cheyenne
Manda says
One day quotes of yours will circle the world, just as those from other wise people that have blessed us with their words. What you write it pure gold and so beautiful. Whenever I read one that resonates with me the most, I write it down and read them when I’m struggling. Thank you x
khan says
I failed today and was so much frustrated… I mean so much. Now after reading this I started thinking about my next opportunity. Thanks guys, you are doing a wonderful job.
Yegammai says
Thank you so much 🙂
B says
This is truly inspiring and hits home all around. Thank you so much.
April Awesome says
I normally do not write my feelings or thoughts out to share with folks on this comment section, but I feel if there is a chance that someone might be feeling the same way that I currently am I would like them to see what I have to write in response to this message…and so many others.
Today I found myself thinking of the negative things that have been presented to me at this point in my life and it had me down. Just to give you a snap-shot of the weight that has been trying to keep me down lately I will give a small list of things that were worrying me and causing me stress until I started to read these messages and many more that are a compilation of the most popular for the 2014 year. The list includes: bank account is in the negative every check since October; my car recently stopped running and needs a head gasket (at a shop this is a $2000 job); a woman I work with is difficult to understand and read…I want to be able to understand her instead of just not like her because she is mean to me; I have anti-depression medication that is filled and waiting for me to pick up, but I don’t have the funds to get them and I have gone without for going on over a week now…and I’m starting to feel the emotional side of life flow out of me; family is a struggle to understand with comments of the dark variety causing me to loose sleep at night; and I have recently ended an eight year relationship that is causing me trouble moving forward.
Now…do not feel sad or pitty me because I have found strength within myself and with the EVER AND ALWAYS helpful words that are shared by Marc and Angel! It’s funny how I am positive for others when they are in a low spot, but for some reason it is hard for me to turn my thoughts around once I find myself in a rut. However, with the knowledge that I have friends like Marc and Angel who can help me put my thoughts in perspective and know that this is but a storm that comes to pass and not to stay…I can walk, run, skip, jump, and laugh my way to the next adventure that is this rough and tough life. Thank you for being there without knowing that you are there for me, I can only hope that you are to each other what you have been for me and I know so many others. You inspire me to want and almost need to encourage and inspire others. I would love nothing more out of life than to have something similar or of my own creation to what it is that you two have created. There is no amount of gratitude that I can try to express to you that would amount to how my heart shines with outward light because of the impact and difference that you have made in my life. Today is not the first time, nor will it be the last I’m sure, that you have pulled me from the gloomy depths of my own self loathing and whoa is me pitty party. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! You two are a blessing beyond your years and I am so happy to have found you, to be able to share you, and to be able to apply the positive improvements for my life that you inspire in me.
So, in closing what I would like to say to you is this…never give up, never surrender, and if someone tells you that you can’t you tell them thank you for their opinion and you press on. Some of the greatest inventions did not come overnight…there were tons and tons of failures, but you have to make sure that you fail forward. Nothing will hit you harder than life…but it’s not about how hard you can hit back, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward! Be the change you wish to see in the world and that reflection will be seen by those who wish to change and have the ability to pass that on like a gift to the next soul that needs a change. So, please never be discouraged and if you find that you are unable to shake the funk that you find yourself in…literally stop and look or examine something that you would otherwise never give the time of day because in that moment you will know that in this vast universe of particles and matter you were put here, brought here, created to explore and share your experiences and things will work themselves out. Stay positive, stay inspiring, and if you ever need someone to talk to, chat with, or bounce ideas around on. I am a huge hype woman for you two and my ears and everything are always available for you
Thank you, again. From the bottom of my being I appreciate that I have found you both and have your words at my finger tips if ever I am feeling in need.
Lots of love, and best of wishes for the new year;
Faith April Awesome
debbie says
I am new to the site, and glad I found it. I now know I am special, having skills not many others do, and when I stop and think about it, I am not so bad after all. I do not have anyone that gives me any attaboys in life, so I have to realize, if I do not do this for myself once in a while, it does not get done. We do have to build ourselves up sometimes, because we are inevitably the only ones that can direct us in the right direction of thinking and building our self esteem. I have always had a hard time believing I was good enough, and have to take a step back and realize that all I have been through in my life, and come through it mostly ok, just have to redirect my thinking. Thank you for making me think about myself in a different light. I am a special person, and even though friends and family do not think so, most of the time, I do. I am the type of friend that will tell you the truth, and sometimes that is not what someone wants to hear. Thanks for listening, and thanks for the site, I needed to find it now most of all.
Mrinalini GGM says
Dear marc,
These words is really encouraging. .. it gives the courage to dream. With so many problems I felt as if im the greatest failure. No dreams no wishes no hopes no trust and no faith. Kept myself isokated.Feel as if im still struck up in one constant miserable place n the world around me moving so fast.felt lost.Now after I read these words im feeling good and trying to break the negative barriers I have created. Thanks a lot my angel. .god bless
monarch says
thank you. thank you. thank you.
A says
Only a teenager… but thank you so so much. I really needed to hear this today.
Sil says
I was feeling quite down today as I do from time to time. Feeling as though all that I have done and continue to do is still not enough. After searching online for reasoning I came across your site and I see now that I am not alone, and many readers of your blog, quotes and wisdom are feeling somewhat the same as I. Usually I stand strong and offer support to others.
Each read/quote affects me and I can truly say that at least for today I can get by and feel better about myself. I will continue to view your quotes and comments daily along with your readers comments whose words also allow me too see I am not all alone.
With deep thanks and gratitude.
Mike says
I cant tell how much I recognize myself in most of the stories that have been posted here. I am at a very though point in my life, breaking up from a 7 year old relationship. I have never had problems with my self-esteem and self-encourage in my life (27 years old) but this break up really hit me bad and I never thought I would fall into such despair. Reading this post opened up my eyes and now I feel a lot better, at least for today. I will definitely print this and hang it up on my wall at work to be reminded that I am #1.
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories! This was mine to share with you!
I will also follow up this post and continue reading comments from other readers. Thank you once again everyone!
Alise Oliver says
#4: Resistance. One of the hardest things to do is to accept what is. I always try to keep going downstream instead of swimming upstream. Thanks for the wonderful post!
Fira says
Very interesting & inspiring articles, thank you!!!…?
Phil says
Hello Marc and Angel. I must confess that your reasons are touching and helpful. I was really feeling frustrated and depressed before i read your article. But now i feel a litte relieved. Am just a young parent going thru hard times. Feeling that my past is better than my present state. Cos i used to live a comfortable life but now u hard to sell my car to pay rent. Nothing seem to be working as before. I keep trying things but to not good result instead i get delays and rejection. I’ve prayed and even fasted, i even felt like my prayers were never answered. I was looking for who to talk to(probably a shrink or a pastor) before i found your blog on google. Well, i feel much relieved now not to give up and still keep trying. Would love if you would email me more words of encouragement. Thanks
Jennifer says
What a great read! Very powerful and motivational. I feel like I can conquer the world. This article will be a huge turning point in my life. Thank you for writing it!
Mandy says
This post was spot-on! I’ve subscribed to your newsletters. Thank you for sharing!
Yasmin says
It all makes such sense, so why is it so difficult? On one level I know it’s true, but it seems like it’s true for everyone else, and not for me. I know that’s not rational, nor true, but that’s how things feel. I try to remember those things and to believe them for myself, but there is a stronger part of me arguing against them, finding justifications for why they can’t work for me.
Mara says
Powerful and motivating read. THANK YOU!
Tara says
Number 8, 13 and 17…incredible article Marc. I just started my own blog (jusstara.com) and this article is one I will definitely share. thank you for taking the time to share this…you are absolutely right, some of the most kind, loving and well rounded people (including myself :-)) have gone through hell and back, and they are the ones that seem to express the most gratitude…and I too still have those days where I feel not good enough, but points like these pull me through the next day. I’ve gotten through the days but practicing every day to write something positive about myself. You just got yourself a new fan 🙂
Jasmyne says
Thank you soo much for sharing these steps.. It was much needed…?
Fatty says
Thanks for this piece.
Ardine says
!#17…. I realised that I should focus on my gains and not my losses. Thank you for giving me perspective again.
Latoya says
I have experienced all of these things. I lost a child recently. I had twins and to have lost one of them was a nightmare. It felt like my whole world went crashing down. But over time I made a decision to rise up and stop feeling like the world was against me. To stop feeling sorry for myself. I had my other children, and my husband who needed me just as much as I needed them. I thought in order for me to stop feeling the way I did I needed to change. I stopped focusing on what I lost and began focusing on what I gained. It wasn’t easy I fought so many thoughts. Today I’m in a better place. I think of my son and wonder what life would’ve been like. But I refuse to constantly think about it. Because, if I do those hurtful and painful emotions will come back and ruin my progress. So, I know pain I know lost, I know what it’s like to feel defeated. Now, I just want to help anyone who needs it. Life isn’t easy it’s a battle. So, if your mind is in a weak state it’s going to be hard to feel like you are worth anything. You have to fight with all your might to change yourself to become a better you.
One other thing I would like to share. I believe it’s so hard to change ourselves because we have insecurities we do not want to face. From my own experience and from people, I’ve seen insecurities become a deal breaker. They can push you to change for the best or change for the worst or not change at all. When it comes to changing ourselves into something better insecurities tell us “we can’t change.” But, everyone can change. It will take alot of work, patience, strength and endurance. Also having great support is something I’ve experienced that helps through the journey. Insecurities forces us to see what we don’t like about ourselves. So, I really believe in changing views on seeing insecurities as a weakness but as a strength. I hope anyone who reads this gains motivation and understanding that change is possible.