Our character is often most evident in our highs and lows. Be humble at the mountaintops, be strong in the valleys, and be faithful in between.
Why are we feeling this way – so beaten up and worn down?
Why do we, who start out so passionate, courageous, worthy and believing, become utterly bankrupt by the youthful age of 30, 40 or 50?
Why is it that one of us drowns in material consumption and debt, another puts a bullet in his head, a third seeks oblivion in hard liquor and gambling, a fourth, in order to stifle fear and judgment, cynically tramples and berates her own individuality, intelligence, and pure, beautiful youth?
Why is it that, once fallen, we don’t attempt to rise back up, and, having lost one thing, we don’t attempt to seek another?
Why?
Because we give up on ourselves too soon. We let that monster named negativity chew us up and spit us out into a deep gutter of self-doubt.
If you can relate in any way at all, here are some important reminders to keep in mind…
- When your marriage, parenting, faith, etc. gets tough, it’s not a sign that you’re doing it wrong. These intimate, intricate aspects of life are toughest when you’re doing them right – when you’re dedicating time, having the tough conversations, and making daily sacrifices.
- On particularly hard days when you feel that you can’t endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far.
- Have a little faith that the universe has a plan for you, and it’s all being revealed in the right time frame. Something you will eventually learn through all your ups and downs is that there are really no wrong decisions in life, just choices that will take your life down different paths. Sometimes you must get hurt in order to grow, or lose in order to gain. Sometimes the lesson you need most can only be learned through a little pain.
- Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- Life is not about maintaining the status quo. Life is not about playing it safe every second. Life is not about standing still and wallowing in self-doubt. It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able. It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how hard and small they may be, so you can move forward and evolve. (Read Daring Greatly.)
- You must make a firm decision that you’re going to move forward. It won’t always happen naturally or automatically. Sometimes you will have to rise up and say, “I don’t care how hard this is. I don’t care how disappointed I am. I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”
- No matter what’s happening, you CAN efficiently fight the battles of today. It’s only when you add the battles of those two relentless eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated. Realize that it’s not the experience of today by itself that devastates you, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring. It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now.
- When you stop worrying about what you can’t control, you have time to change the things you can control. And that changes everything.
- Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.
- Making mistakes means you’re actually DOING something in the real world and learning from it. Listening or reading is often just listening or reading. It’s not real learning. Real learning comes from making mistakes. And mistakes come from gradual implementation.
- If you never go after it again, you’ll never have it. If you never ask again, the answer will always be no. If you never step forward again, you’re stuck right where you are.
- In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become; its the legroom for the fairy tales you’ll tell yourself in the future about what could have been.
- Everyone has a little talent. What’s rare is the courage to follow it to the dark places where it leads, and beyond. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes it’s simply a whisper at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”
- If you’re still sitting there thinking, “Things should be different right now,” take a deep breath. That’s not true and you know it. Because if it were true, things would be different right now. Stay present and focus on what you can create today. And tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
All details aside, if you’re reading this… Congratulations, you’re alive and in a good position to give yourself another chance. If that’s not something to smile about, then I don’t know what is.
Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward. Someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And you’ll look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”
Your turn…
Which reminder above resonated the most with you? What other empowering reminders help you push forward when you feel like giving up? I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Lauryn Victoria
J.J. says
I gotta say, #4 resonates so deeply with me right now, and it reminds me of a line from your book that I have recited to myself frequently over this past month:
“Without pain, there would be no change. But remember, pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released.”
Thank you, yet again, for all you two do.
Jackie says
I must say #3: resonates in my soul, because I’m the type of person that always want peace. However, confrontation will come. It does not feel good to me , but I always learn something about myself in the process. I work in a public place where I deal with a lot of people. Sometimes I have anxiety thinking someone will complain about something today. I’m always making sure I cross every T, and dot every I in fear, because the members are always right. I work at Costco which has a high volume of members. I love my job and I love people, but sometimes they are so rude and quick to complain if they don’t get their way. Please give me some advice.
Thanks,
Jackie Chisholm
Janice says
Jackie,
I know that there are a lot of rude people out there. Just remember that what you see is not always what is really going on. Sometimes their life is falling apart and they can’t deal with that so they redirect their anger and you are handy so you get it. What I use to do is find something nice to say to them like I like that color on you and smile. Then say how can we make this better if possible touch their hand. If it is not something the company will allow then tell them that and say let’s see what else we can come up with to resolve this problem. Then say to yourself I will not allow this persons mood wreck my day . You may need to repeat that a few time. Good luck.
Emily says
Hi Jackie,
I think Janice brought up some really good points and suggestions up above, first of all.
I have anxiety over a colleague always lashing out, but I have a much easier time dealing with strangers. Why? Because they’re strangers. At the end of the day, you will not remember their faces and they will not remember yours. You’re not going to see them everyday (hopefully). I figure each stranger is like a mini-test or challenge (I find making things into games works for me) so each interaction is different.
You also have to remind yourself that their attitude is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. It’s theirs. It’s something that they have to deal with and go home with knowing that they lashed out at a store employee, etc. You can only control your reaction to them and you can’t control whatever their reactions are. So just stay kind and be patient– you don’t know what’s going on in their minds. At the end of the day, you only have control over yourself and your reactions. If you were kind in the face of anger, then you are fine and have done nothing wrong. To me, it sounds like you are doing fine, Jackie.
Hope this helps and good luck!
Marc Chernoff says
J.J., thank you for the continued support. We’re so grateful that you have found great value in our book and blog.
Janice and Emily, thank you for giving Jackie some perspective. Honestly, I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Amandah says
Excellent reminders. They have all been applicable at some point in my life.
My addition to the list is a quote that used to be on a magnet my grandmother had on her refrigerator:
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.'”
Donaven says
All of those spoke to me with great faith and determination but number really 3 gave me chills and a smile because that is what I truly believe every day.
Marc Chernoff says
I LOVE that quote, Amandah! Thank you for sharing.
Gabe says
Your emails and posts are always helpful!
Here’s one reminder I’ve always used to push through the tough times when I’m working hard and make a big mistake:
Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.
Terry says
Love this! 7 and 8 hit me hardest. Thank you for your blog.
Mark says
Every time i feel like giving up on something i always go back to why i started this in the first place. I fuel my actions with the power of inspiration that i get from my family, friends and from reading blogs like yours. 🙂
Celeste says
Number 3. I actually wrote a post sharing a story where the “why?” question was answered for me in the weirdest way. It’s linked to my name if anyone wants to read it.
It’s true though that painful lessons often bring the greatest gifts. They are always worth the trouble, even if you can’t see why at the time.
Renjith says
#1 found to be so helpful. I always had a feeling that when it gets tough I must be doing it wrong, but after reading this I feel what your saying is true..thanks
Mau Peralta says
Marc, this is so beautiful, I cried. I have been an avid reader of your blog for some time now. I share your articles with others too. I even tell my friends that you are my personal guides on this Earth. You have done so much for me, and countless others, who are still in the process of positive change and life transformation. The thoughts you share are so alive and palpable, they speak to many wounded and hopeful hearts.
Thank you for your shining your light in the dark places
The aching world needs your heartfelt wisdom more than you know.
Thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
You’re welcome, Mau. Thank you for the kindness, and for sharing our work with others. 🙂
thembela says
Wow! These words just lift me up. I thank you for writing this piece.
Joanne says
Let me just say that right now I am experiencing some difficult times. Life is filled with challenges on a daily basis, but currently, I feel I am at a crossroads. Therefore, I can’t say it was just one thing that “struck a chord” with me. However, yesterday (during a conversation I was having with my friend) she said “remember what you deserve”, which you mention in *15. I think sometimes we neglect to put ourselves first, thinking maybe that is selfish, (at least I do). In an attempt to be fair, open minded and non-judgmental, I find myself accepting behavior that goes against what I believe in, making excuses and trying to justify bad behavior; and therefore, “settling” for less than I deserve. I forget or choose to “not” listen to that little voice inside. Standing up for what we believe in can be very painful; finding out someone you love and trusted has been deceitful and has betrayed you is devastating. Taking action to remove yourself from that relationship is frightening and can be lonely.
These daily readings help remind me to keep moving forward, to realize that we are right where we are meant to be, to live “one day at a time”.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM
Melissa says
Hi Joanne, I too have been making baby steps at healing and moving forward in my life after finding out the person I married was deceitful in many ways. I’m learning that I sacraficed a lot of myself and was too forgiving of behavior that I never intended to tolerate. I did not give enough value to my inner voice and often dismissed things in an effort to make things work and to be fair. In the beginning it was a little scary and at times lonely trying to remove myself from the situation but it was time to have some self respect. If not for me, than to be a role model for my children. Interestingly enough, the farther I get away from the situation, the more clear the picture becomes. Amazing what you DONT see when you are still in it. Even baby steps in a positive direction is a step closer to a better path. This blog has been very helpful to me in growing my inner strength and recognizing I need to put myself first sometimes…sometimes, it’s ok. And a website called “daily strength” has made me see that we are not alone in our feelings. I wish you all the best for a good and happy life… You deserve it!
Marc Chernoff says
Joanne and Melissa, thank you for for sharing your thoughts with us. I love your sentiment, and I’m truly grateful that we’ve been able to help you both in some small way.
L. says
Just what I needed during this difficult time. I’ll read this again several times today. Thanks
darla says
I’m much older than your usual readers but they apply to me even more because I have so many years to regret bad decisions!
Your blogs are strong and wonderful reminders to keep going and never feel it is too late to start to make necessary difficult changes in our thinking, and move toward more positive actions.
Holden Seguso says
Hello Couple,
There was much spirit behind these words. I could feel the determination and compassion put into them in hopes to lift up others. #3 is my fav like many of the other comments. Don’t have much to say right now except that I hope everybody reading this blog has a peaceful day. The thought of others relaxing and easing themselves in a light, gentle, kind and blissful mindset brings peace to my own soul. Thanks and great post!
Kathie Taylor says
I appreciate your blog. Today’s writing, #7, reminds me of a verse in Bible “…as thy days, so shall thy strength be.” (Deuteronomy 33:25)
Gulzar says
Life is a challenge and so many years I felt the pain of losing someone who was my life. Thanks for these words.
Siri says
EVERY WORD was exactly what I needed today. I will think about just today… not yesterday or tomorrow. Thanks much!
Siri
Lane | Modern Granola says
These are so good! I love them all. I also like the idea of taking it one step at a time. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to feel and know how long the journey will be to get to where you want to go, but if you break it down into tiny, actionable steps and focus on making the present moment the best it can be, it gets easier. Great post!
Happy Summer!
xx Lane
Abdulhamid sambo says
You have wonderfully replenished and rejuvenated my hopes, aspirations, and I now sincerely remain more courageous than before. Much obliged!
Joan says
Just want to say I am new to your website and look forward to reading more. I have MAJOR issues with mistakes (in my opinion HUGE mistakes because they affected more than just my life but that of my kids) I have made in the past. I can’t seem to get past them and move forward, I don’t know how to “forgive” myself for those things and move forward but I do realize that it’s not healthy nor helping in any way. Most days I just kind of “tuck away” any feelings until the one day the feelings come bursting out because I’ve tucked too many for too long. I have a constant reminder always and I think that’s part of why I can’t “let go.” So I am going to do some reading starting with your link today and hope that helps. God bless….
Marc Chernoff says
Welcome, Joan. Sounds like you have some positive things to work on. 🙂
PS: This post may give you some helpful perspective about letting go: http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/09/02/5-things-you-should-know-about-letting-go/
Lena says
Thank you for this. Inspirational. Suffering is optional.. yes, it’s true, but guess I find the most hardest subject for me is health.. unfortunately even 20’s and 30’s don’t make you immune to your own body breaking down. This has been the most difficult battle for me, but pain does make you stronger.. it tells you, that you’re still alive. And that alone is incredible.. to be alive… so troubles are all relative and we should look at them as such. Love your site. Just started reading it.
Let There Always Be A Road
Marc Chernoff says
Love your sentiment, Lena. Stay strong. 🙂
Promisr says
Marc and Angel, you two are blessings. This post is perfect for me right now.
E. says
One of my FB friends shared this, and it felt like it was something I needed to see, so I clicked and read. All these reminders are good and helpful, but 15 made me break down and cry.
I guess I needed to read that one most of all.
Thank you.
clement sadjere says
Enjoyed all the tips, but Number 5 touched me the most. We are scared most times with peoples’ opinion about us that we refuse to break protocols and instead choose to maintain status quo. Great read! Thanks for sharing.
tamara says
“On particularly hard days when you feel that you can’t endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far.”
Love this!
Colm O'Shea says
Brilliant. Completely. Brilliant.
HUGE gratitude to both of you, for sharing your “exceptional” and compassionate insights, observations, suggestions, advice, and ultimately uplifting and inspiring “words of wisdom” with the wider world.
Please don’t ever stop doing so.
Namaste
Colm
Emily says
8, 11, & 6 in that order really hit home with me. All these reminders are important, but because of the challenges that present themselves to me for this period of time in my life, these are absolutely wonderful reminders.
Thanks again, Marc and Angel for writing such an inspiring article and for motivating all of us!
Deb Coman says
This inspirational list of reminders can easily be applied to the trials of growing your own business. In fact, I shared it in a group I’m in because mindset has been a recent topic. Thanks for offering such hope when the going gets tough.
Kamran Sadr says
I have been receiving your articles ofr a few years now and they are helping me think differently, even if i am 62 years (and usually nothing can change the attitude in this age).
Thank you.
Julie Crowley says
Some good points made here that I’ve learned/am learning, and that I’ve shared on Facebook (with reference) to my clients. Thanks again, always some insightful reminders
Lovely Sharice says
#4 Basically sums life up. Thanks for this post.
Abiodun Adetona says
Bad things happen to everyone and that’s what we call nature. We should not let bad things happening to us at some point in life to get us down. Bad things happens at times. They come and they go.
Thanks to Marc and angel for the words here.
Lauren says
A very uplifting post & I enjoyed every word. Nos. 2 & 5 hit home. If I had opened this last night I would have slept much better! Here’s to being fully awake & getting restful sleep.
Chas says
“In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become; its the legroom for the fairy tales you’ll tell yourself in the future about what could have been.” Boy, do I need to hear that at this time. This is a great post, and helps tremendously. Thank you so much.
Molly @ The Move to America says
So glad I stumbled across this post – all very good to read and serves as a nice reminder. Thanks!
Jane says
This is what I would like to remember during the hard times when I feel discouraged during my journey.
9. Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.
Stuart Young says
Lovely article. #2 resonates immediately with me, so few words bring that realisation that we’ve survived everything so far. It reminds me of the peaks and troughs of life – each leading to the other. Without them we would lead a very flat life indeed. Each trough is there to allow us to keep taking that next step on the path to the neat peak. And so on.
Katy says
I struggle with #3. I actually don’t believe that the universe has a plan for anyone. If that’s the case, then what’s the plan for a child fighting a losing battle against brain cancer or a whole village decimated in a tsunami? What is “the lesson” in starving to death in a Third World country? I believe the “universe has a plan” platitude is what we offer up instead of being fully present in the stark face of ambiguity.
Our best option is to solider on with as much grit and grace as possible and to find/create our own meaning as best we can, while perpetually squaring with, as Freddy Mercury so elegantly put it, “the terror of knowing what this world is all about.”
You guys are usually great. But you missed the mark on this one.
kadare says
#6 and #10…recently I had to make a choice, there were feelings hurt with my decision, but ultimately, I have to move FORWARD, and maybe the way I did it wasn’t perfect, but, I did the best I could, MISTAKES are made when you are living life..