“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”
– Carl Jung
Mindfulness as a daily ritual is the ultimate challenge and practice. It’s a way of living, of being, of seeing, of tapping into the full power of your humanity.
At its core, mindfulness is…
- Being aware of what’s happening in the present moment without wishing it were different
- Enjoying each pleasant experience without holding on when it changes (which it will)
- Being with each unpleasant experience without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t)
Knowing this is important. Living every day in such a way that makes mindfulness possible is life-changing. Here are twelve basic laws of (practical) mindfulness we often cover with our coaching/course students that make mindful living a gradual reality:
1. Your only reality is THIS MOMENT, right here, right now.
- The secret to health for the mind, body and soul is not to mourn the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment mindfully and purposefully.
- True wealth is the ability to experience the present moment fully. No other time and place is real. Lifelong peace and abundance is found in such simple awareness.
2. A negative thought is harmless unless you believe it.
- It’s not your thoughts, but your attachment to your thoughts, that causes suffering.
- Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true without proof. A belief is a thought that you’ve been attaching to, often for years.
3. You will not be punished FOR your anger; you will be punished BY it.
- Speak and act when you are enraged, and you will make the best speech and motions you will ever regret.
- Being angry and unhappy about something is easy. Doing something productive about it is the hard and worthwhile part. Life is too precious and too short to spend it being upset. Drop it. Be positive. Be your best.
4. Inner peace is knowing how to belong to oneself, without external validation.
- In order to understand the world, you have to turn away from it on occasion.
- Sometimes you justify yourself to others when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. Don’t look for anyone else to give you permission to be yourself. You don’t need anyone’s validation to be happy or to live a good life.
5. Everything is created twice, first in your mind and then in your life.
- If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for almost anything.
- Keep your morals close to your heart and at the top of your mind.
6. There is a wilderness you walk alone, however well accompanied you are.
- Others can walk beside you, but they can’t walk in your shoes.
- Give yourself an opportunity to discover who you truly are, and to figure out why you truly are always alone even when you’re surrounded, and why this is perfectly OK.
7. To strongly believe in something, and not live it, is dishonest.
- Don’t bend; don’t water down your dreams; don’t try to make every feeling logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion trends. Rather, follow your most intense passions, mindfully.
- Characterize yourself by your actions and you will never be fooled by other people’s words.
8. The right path and the easy path are rarely the same path.
- You will ultimately come to realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path, and it’s worth your while. Every step forward may be tough, but will feel better than anything else you can imagine.
- People don’t stop pursuing their dreams and passions because they grow old; they grow old because they stop pursuing their dreams and passions.
9. If you want something in life, you have to also want the costs of getting it.
- Instead of thinking about what you want, first consider what you are willing to give up to get it. You can’t have the destination without the journey. If you want the six-pack abs, you have to want the sore muscles, the sweaty clothes, the mornings or afternoons at the gym, and the healthy meals.
- Ask yourself: What is worth suffering for? If you catch yourself wanting something day after day, month after month, yet you never take action and thus you never make any progress, then maybe you don’t really want it after all, because you’re not willing to suffer through the effort and work it’s going to take to achieve it.
10. Overcommitting is the antithesis of living a peaceful, mindful life.
- There’s a difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with to-do list tasks or distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.
- Keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked. Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe.
11. When you try to control too much, you enjoy too little.
- Don’t live a life packed full of concrete plans. Work hard, but be flexible. The best moments often happen unplanned and the greatest regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned.
- Sometimes you just need to let go, relax, take a deep breath and love what is, right now.
12. When you are tired, you are attacked by ideas you likely conquered long ago.
- You must refill your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching your breath, finding quiet solitude, focusing your attention inward, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
- It’s perfectly healthy to pause and let the world spin without you for a while. If you don’t, you will burn yourself out.
Afterthoughts
As I am wrapping up this post, I am reminded that the greatest enemy of good thinking, and thus mindfulness, is busyness.
Busyness isn’t a virtue, nor is it something to respect. We all have seasons of wild schedules, but very few of us have a legitimate need to be busy ALL the time. We simply don’t know how to live within our means, prioritize properly, and say no when we should.
Although being busy can make us feel more alive than anything else for a moment, the sensation is not sustainable long term. We will inevitably, whether tomorrow or on our deathbed, come to wish that we spent less time in the buzz of busyness and more time actually living a purposeful, mindful life. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
Your turn…
How has mindfulness, or the lack thereof, affected you? What area of your life could you afford to be more mindful in?
Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the community.
Photo by: Kim Carrier
Beverly Herald says
Each point resonated a little deeper and deeper the more I continued to read. I have learned that when we experience trauma and pain whether in the past or present, we sometimes allow ourselves to be anchored to those hurtful situations or to the people that are attached to those situations (which is the opposite of being mindful). It is so easy to dwell and allow ourselves to be defeated. I’d much rather feel free every day of my life and instill in myself more control over my present life than I have thought in the past. Thank you guys for these great reminders on mindfulness. I found this post to be truly helpful.
Karlene says
I need to remember that now is the time that we have not tomorrow. Our reality is this moment right now.We can’t mourn the past, nor worry about the future, but live in the present and be mindful of it. Thank so much Mar & Angel.
Karlene
debbie says
I couldn’t agree with you more. I have lived half of my life filled with regrets and crying. I’m now working on letting go. Its not easy but I’m working on it!! I live also reading their post!! . I’m so grateful my kids forgive me. Its been a long journey but this is a New Year to look forward too!! So Happy New Year to everyone!!!
Karla says
My son sent this to me and it was ironic because we started family counseling a few weeks ago and this pretty much sums up the underlying topic from this past week. Getting a better grip on being present and mindful has been extraordinary – I’m seeing benefits already; I only wished I had done it sooner. This was a very enlightening read. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I just ordered your book too and I’m looking forward to learning more.
Marc Chernoff says
So glad to hear you’re making progress, Karla. And thank you for supporting our work.
Abe Stetson says
I’m so glad I subscribed to your emails. This is a post I intend to share with others. It is so true that if we don’t re-center our minds on a regular basis, the constant noise of the world can easily consume us.
Right now I’m struggling to find that balance between work and rest. I’m a hard worker and I often forget to give myself a break when I need it. I’ve been conditioned to think I always need to be on the go, but I’m learning that pausing and practicing mindfulness, even as I work, is vital. Thanks for the reminder.
Shiva says
Great article, Marc. Really liked it. Keep going.
anna says
Wow! This article is a perfect synthesis of everything I believe but not always apply in my life. I have to print it and put it on the wall in front of me, so I can check it regularly. Thank you Marc, this is precious!
Frank says
Keep in mind that growing OLDER is different than growing OLD.
Lucy Chen says
I used to have this problem of “overcommitting”, which I didn’t know was a lack of mindfulness.
I was over committed to myself, expecting myself to spend at least 3 hours daily to paint, and manage my art business, and read and learn, and do the housework to keep every room clean, cook nutritious and delicious meals every day for the kids, and not lose patience with them or myself etc…
Fortunately, I’ve come out of that hole and started enjoying life as it is.
Joel says
Thanks for this, Marc. Point 1 is so important.
I’ve been exploring and journeying towards the point where even work and housework could be done with complete focus, filled with meaning and fulfilment; where even unpleasant emotions could be observed alongside pleasant emotions, without upsetting the equilibrium I value.
I find that some specific skills enable a state of constant mindfulness, whether one is at work, play or rest. If I neglect to use those skills, life with all its challenges becomes less joyful, less calm.
My goal is to use those skills more consistently, to enable a more fulfilling life.
Thanks again for this thoughtful post.
Mathias says
Awesome list of principles to live by!
It’s interesting to see how these “laws” almost perfectly summarize the philosophy of Stoicism – to conquer your basic instincts and emotions in favor of living a “higher” life.
There’s only one thing I disagree with here, and that is to “keep your schedule under-booked”. In my experience, keeping an under-booked schedule will only leave you feeling at unrest – like you’re not accomplishing enough, and that you can’t ever fully relax.
I much prefer a solid schedule that leaves you feeling like you’re making the best use of your time, and can enjoy the time you schedule for relaxation.
Marc Chernoff says
Excellent point on Stoicism, Mathias. The principles discussed by Marcus Aurelius in Meditations have been an incredible influence in my life. I enjoy the writings of Seneca too.
Also, my definition of “under-booked” means not being over-booked to the point where the in no margin for error or rest.
terejoe says
It is so true that constant busyness ruins our lives. It really burns me out sometimes – over-committing to achieve ‘everything’ – and I’ve found myself doing my very best but achieving nothing.
Yasmine says
While I agree with #3, I do feel that you need to acknowledge your anger and part of that is reacting to what or who has sparked it. You choose how you react to it. And sometimes, you need to stand up for yourself. Even when angry. Otherwise, it ends up festering which causes more problems.
Luke says
I’m with Yasmine on this..
Not sure what you mean by #3, because to me anger is an important emotion and wants to be felt and understood. Isnt it a normal reaction to someone violating your boundaries/limits? Worse, a lot of people are not able to feel their anger (or how would you call it) when they should and become sick because they have learned to split off their anger…
What you probably mean is wallowing in anger and acting it out in manner that is not mindful, or having anger triggered by events and things that normally dont warrant anger?
Marc Chernoff says
Excellent perspective, Yasmine and Luke. And yes, in my mind there’s a big difference between dealing with the (mindful) feelings of anger, and BEING angry. It’s OK to feel anger, but it’s not OK to let it control you.
monica says
I have found that much of this is true. And I suddenly feel a sense of peaceful nature inside me when I read this article. Thank you for sharing. I will apply it in my life. Namaste…. Wishing you more prosperity, joy, peace.
Melissa says
#1 – Living in the now is something that I continually work on.
I feel like it’s so easy to “time travel” in our heads. That is, when we’re doing one thing, we’re actually focusing on another point in time, whether it’s worrying or anticipating the future, or reliving a past event.
Savoring the present is important to grabbing the opportunity that is in front of us and making the most out of what we have.
Marc Chernoff says
Well said, Melissa. 🙂
Karalee Greer says
I’ve learned to be more mindful through practice. I now stop and reflect when my emotions and self-talk are negative and adjust them through understanding that they are based on past experiences and not valid in this moment. This takes work and the result in being more positive and the past not holding me back are freeing. I have peace in my life now!!
Randall says
Wow! Im so glad I read this. Thank you for the enlightment.
Maggie Zzz says
In need to start living in the now and stop adapting to everyone else situations , compromising my own happiness just to avoid confrontations.
Karen says
Just replace “need to” with “I will…” and you will be fine.
Jan says
Leaving my schedule under-booked allowed me to focus on things things that really moved my life forward. I highly recommend it.
Matthew says
So enlightening and mind blowing… Thanks for this and I’ll definitely put these tips to practice.
Wu says
I aspire to be the best I can be in mathematics. Starting at basic math in college to calculus 2, I’ve learned that I must give up time skateboarding, consuming electronic media, partying, and being with friends to mindfully grasp these mathematical concepts.
Diane Kahl says
Agree, Wu. At the age of 66 I am reviewing math inspired by an online astrophysics class taken through Coursera.org–Intro to Astro. Professor gave math homework for the course, very time-consuming but also so much deeper, more challenging and meaningful than other shallow and easy endeavors.
Math and science require much discipline and focus and mindfulness and setting priorities and quieting oneself from the roar of the world, none of this being easy!
Math teaches one to break down problems into doable pieces. Math is a philosophy as well as numbers and formulas.
Sameer Patil says
Very nice read. Just reading it took me down within. Was it intended or is it just my state of mind.?
Absolutely great post.
Thanks a ton for sharing the wisdom.
Fatmah says
Thank you, yet again for one more inspiring article. This topic (as most of your posts) is God sent, because it tackles my exact thoughts at the moment. Since the death of my husband four years ago, I’ve been caring for our two teenage kids (at the time) on my own. It is as anyone can imagine, have been (and is) a great responsibility. It is made greater by the fact that we live in my husband’s country, whereby, because of the language barrier, me trying to manage our lives is causing me greater hardship. I choose to stay here because its the best thing for my kids. Dealing with everything, the last four years, have stripped me to my basic elements. I came to accept and appreciated the experience, however, I am wary of our future. There are nights on end that I spent turning things around with no possible solutions. I will remind myself of your words here. Thanks for being yourselves again, Angeles ??
Harleen says
~How has mindfulness, or the lack thereof, affected you?
I feel as though I forgot the meaning of mindfulness a long time ago. Not sure what happened, but one day, I forgot everything. I do believe it’s true that if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. I believe I’ve gotten to the point of falling for anything I run into because of the lack of mindfulness in my life.
~What area of your life could you afford to be more mindful in?
I’d like to work my way up to every aspect. Although, for now, I’d like to be more mindful with my own thoughts, personal business, and others I talk to on a daily basis.
Yolande says
I’m suffering from a lack of mindfulness/balance right now. I’ve been overextended doing things for other people in the hope that they will give me praise for my actions. I did get some praise, but it wasn’t enough. I’m still dissatisfied.
Reading your articles has been a big help in getting myself back to clarity.
Although I still don’t know what I want to do, I now know that it’s not running after other people & their problems.
I’m now taking the time to find balance in my life.
Ejaz Karim says
Nice Article,
Living in present moment is what makes me feel good. As you’ve said it is the only moment we have. Both past and future are illusions and they make us weaker.
Don’t focus in past it will create pain and don’t focus on future it will create fear. Live NOW.