Differences of opinion don’t destroy relationships – it’s how a couple deals with their inevitable differences that counts.
Every couple disagrees from time to time. Perfect compatibility is not possible, but sensibly working though incompatibility is. The difference between a happy couple and an unhappy couple is the way in which they handle their disagreements. Thus, in order to grow and be successful in our intimate relationships, we must adopt healthy coping strategies for dealing with our differences.
Talk to any set of grandparents (or great-grandparents) whose relationship has withstood the tests of time, and they will tell you that the best relationships are not just about the good times you share, they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, the disagreements you compromise on, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end. And loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s about showing it every day through actions and behaviors, even when you and your partner aren’t seeing things eye to eye.
Based on my 15-year relationship with Angel, and our joint experience coaching thousands of individuals and couples over the past decade, here’s what we’ve learned about how happy couples deal with disagreements:
1. They both take responsibility.
When you deny responsibility in every relationship disagreement, all you’re really doing is blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, “The problem is never me, it’s always you.” This denial of responsibility just escalates the argument, because there’s a complete breakdown of communication. [Read more…]