Sometimes the most complicated skill is to be simple.
Several years back, before Angel and I started simplifying our lives, I remember everything being far more complicated.
We would say yes just to satisfy others, and juggle fifty obligations at once, and try to control everything, and feed into the daily drama circles, and rush between places and people and tasks … like CRAZY! And by “crazy,” I mean the lifestyle we were living can drive a person insane!
We eventually reached a breaking point – we were beaten down and bleeding profusely from self-inflected stress and negativity.
These days I know a lot of people still live overly stressful lifestyles. If you think you may be one of them, even if it’s just sometimes, here are a few key things Angel and I have learned – some simple reasons life often gets too complicated, for all of us on occasion:
- We try to do way too much. – Overcommitting is the biggest mistake most people make that complicates life. It’s tempting to fill in every waking second of the day with to-do list tasks and distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.
- We try to control way too much. – When you try to control too much, you enjoy too little. Sometimes you just need to let go, relax, take a deep breath and appreciate what is.
- We lose our patience and our poise. – Two things, more than anything else, define you daily – your patience when you are struggling, and your attitude when you are not.
- We respond with negativity. – A positive attitude is not a reaction to the way things are. Rather, it is an expression of the way YOU are. Be positive! Change your unhelpful bitterness into determination. The energy is already there. All you need to do is shift your focus.
- We seek constant validation from others. – Create a life that feels great on the inside to YOU, not one that just looks great on the outside to everyone else. Don’t be scared to walk alone down the path less traveled, and don’t be scared to love every minute of it.
- We spend too much time with toxic people. – It’s better to walk alone with dignity, rather than beside people who constantly require you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.
- We let the haters get to us. – Most haters don’t really hate you; they just hate where they are in life, and you’re a reflection of what they wish to become.
- We feed into the drama. – Don’t participate in drama circles just for the sake of it. Don’t judge someone just because they’ve made different mistakes than you have. When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself. (Read The Four Agreements.)
- We worry constantly about our problems. – Worrying about problems does nothing but steal your joy and keep you busy spinning in circles – it’s like using your imagination to create what you don’t want. In fact, “focusing” on problems isn’t any better – never spend more than 10% of your time on problems, and always spend at least 90% of your time on solutions.
- We hold on too tight, to everything. – You can’t live a simpler life if you’re unwilling to change and let go of what you’re used to. Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.
- We hesitate every step of the way. – Wouldn’t you rather have a life of “OH WELLS” than a life of “WHAT IFS”? Wouldn’t you rather take chances and learn something new every day? Be determined and ambitious, but not out of a desperate sense of need. Do it out of a love for the possibilities. Enjoy your journey! Follow your bliss, explore and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.
- We focus on every time and place other than right here, right now. – If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is. Be here now. Today is yours to shape. Create a masterpiece.
- We try to cut corners. – Do the right thing, always, even if no one else will ever know. Because YOU will know.
- We avoid the tough and necessary conversations. – A great deal of your success and peace of mind in all walks of life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations you are willing to have.
- We lose track of our priorities. – Priorities don’t get done automatically. You have to make time for what’s important to you – time with your significant other, time with your kids, time for creating, time for learning, time for exercise, etc. Push everything else aside to make time. By saying no to more things that sound really exciting, you get to say yes to more of what’s truly important.
- We procrastinate. – Nothing clutters the mind more than a perpetually lingering task. Remember, the feeling you get from doing something important, and getting it done, is far better than the feeling you get from sitting around thinking about doing it.
- We have far more baggage than we need. – When we travel lightly, we’re freer, less burdened, and less stressed. This applies to traveling through life too, not just traveling through an airport.
- We let old mistakes live on in our hearts and minds. – In life, we do lots of things – some we wish we could take back, some we wish we could relive a hundred times. All of these things, positive and negative alike, have taught us important lessons and have collectively made us into the person we are today. If we were to reverse or adjust any of them, we wouldn’t be who we are; we would be someone else. So make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along. Waste not a minute on past outcomes you can’t control.
- We give up on ourselves too soon. – It’s not who you are that holds you back, it who you think you’re not. Judging yourself is not the same as being honest with yourself. Don’t sell yourself short! Remember why you started in the first place. Take a deep breath, and keep going.
- We compare ourselves to others who seem better off. – Don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 10. Follow your own path, write your own story, and turn the pages that need turning. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
Afterthoughts
There’s no limit to how complicated life can get, just by one thing always leading to another.
As you think about the list above, it becomes clear that life isn’t really complicated… WE are complicated! And our complications begin in our brains – in our way of thinking.
In your journey to simplify your life, the biggest obstacle you’ll ever have to overcome is your mind. If you can overcome that, you can overcome anything.
The key is to start small, right now. Work on uncomplicating just one thing today… or just one little part of one thing. That’s how Angel and I got from where we were to where we are, gradually, one day at a time.
If we can assist you in any way, don’t hesitate to let us know. And if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive weekly tips and strategies for living a simpler, happier life.
Your turn…
Which point above do you resonate with the most? What kinds of thoughts, habits or behaviors sometimes complicate your life?
Leave a comment below and share your views and stories with us.
Photo by: bostankorkulugu
Dev says
With way too much complication both in our real world social circles as well as online, it’s nice to be reminded of some best practices for letting it all go and refocusing on what’s truly significant. We must all remember to be kinder to ourselves and let go of the needless stress factors that make us endlessly unhappy.
As I have in the past, I want to share a relevant quote from your 1,000 Little Things book, which continues to push me in the right direction:
“Simplicity is ultimately a product of focusing on what matters.”
And as for me, right now I need to remove a couple unnecessary obligations I have that have been stressing me out. I’m getting caught up in going above and beyond in the completely wrong areas of my life, and letting some of the more important aspects slip. Thank you for reminding me to get back on the right (simpler) track.
Marc Chernoff says
As always, Dev, thank you for the added insight, and thank you for supporting our work. We appreciate you.
Carole says
Today’s post was a very healthy read …Thanks for sharing today’s post and all your posts throughout the year. They do help me think of ways to help myself be a better person!
I especially like this sentence you wrote at the end of today’s article “The key is to start small, right now. Work on uncomplicating just one thing today… or just one little part of one thing”. That’s my focus starting today ! THANKS
Kennedy says
While all of your suggestions in this post are important ones, I think that for me, #8 (eliminating drama from your life) has made the greatest difference. Life is so much more fulfilling when you focus on the kindness and beauty around you, instead of needless drama. I know this is something you two advocate in both your blog and book, and I appreciate that.
Marc Chernoff says
So glad you find value in what we share, Kennedy,
Joanna L says
This post is just what I needed to read. Thank you.
I have de-cluttered a lot of my physical life, but recently I have decided to simplify my emotional/mental life as well by quitting Facebook. For me it is just way to much of a distraction that only adds complication to my already complicated life.
Rose Costas says
Thanks for another awesome post. It is so amazing how little tips like these and many others can put things into perspective. When I think about it, it isn’t until I read your post that I realize how much unnecessary weight I have been carrying. They all resonate with me and with the new year approaching what better way to start out than with a clean slate. Thanks
Dannie says
5, 9, 10, 16, 18! As I get older I see its gets better but I don’t want it to be completely gone out of mind by the time I’m in my 40’s. I have a goal to change that more now and over time.
Bob says
Thanks for the great list and for your ongoing generosity in sharing your experience and wisdom. The article was the inspiration for today’s post on makeityourproblem.com
Thanks
B
Marc Chernoff says
So happy we were able to inspire you to write.
miranda says
Thank you so much for all your help, encouragement and love shared on this blog. It’s an inspiration to read each and every time. I’ve been struggling with with many of these principles, but your ideas to help me.
Stan says
Thanks very much for this posting. This time of year is when we especially need to remember not to complicate our lives.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!
Nondwe says
Thank you very much for this post they really building me. Now I’m not seeing the things the way I was used to and they also molding me in such an extent I don’t take things too personally the way I was used to.
I did also learn to move on to the future not stick to the past because my Past is the one was the stumbling block but now I feel free and self love Again.
Thank you really Marc and Angel. Have a blessed Christmas, and also to all the readers enjoy your Christmas.
Kelly says
I loved this post and just what I needed to read…learning to stop comparing yourself to other people is something that I need to do especially in this social media age.
xx
Ashley says
This was definitely a good read for me, made me feel a lot better. I know I definitely have to work on not constantly thinking about my problems… I’m also guilty of procrastinating; always wasting time thinking about how I have to do something instead of just doing it, despite myself knowing the rewarding feeling.
I also compare myself to others a lot, which I definitely need to stop doing. I’m quite happy with who I am, but I guess not as much as with what I have. But I should be happy and grateful for what I do have already. Like the article said, I can’t keep comparing my chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 10…
Always thinking of every time in the past, and future, but never present. I need to stop worrying so much. I also need to just stop holding on to everything so tightly…. I have trouble letting go..
So I’m going to try to do one of these each day and keep practising.
1. Go a day without thinking about your problems over and over. Everytime you start to worry think about something happy that’s happened, or distract yourself by reading an article or draw something. Rewrite something. Just get your mind off it.
2. Go a day without procrastinating. For the tasks I have that day, I won’t procrastinate. I’ll get it done right away, and I’ll feel better. Just need to turn it into a habit.
3. Spend a day without comparing yourself to others. Take a break from social media, don’t scroll through instagram and Facebook feeds. Those are what usually are the trigger to your comparisons with others. Tell yourself you’re awesome. That you’re going to be successful. You’re young and there is so much potential. And it’s up to no one but myself to make it happen. Be motivated and determined and you won’t want to compare yourself anymore.
4. A day to be mindful. To not worry about what’s going to happen later in the day, not to be in a rush, to be calm and collected. And to not worry about what’s happened in the past, as there’s nothing I can do to change it. I can only change my future, and can only do so if I’m mindful and act in the moment; else you’re just on auto-run.
Going to copy and paste this into my journal also.
Marc Chernoff says
Love your sentiment, Ashley. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
Marina says
Thank you, I enjoy reading your wisdom and thoughts. On my journey of self and others – coaching, I identify myself with some positive insights (some paraphrased a little) from your inspiring article:
“Walk down the path less traveled, and love every minute of it”.
“When you choose to see the the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself”.
“”Follow your bliss, enjoy your journey!”
” Today is yours to shape. Create a masterpiece!”
“Do the right thing, always, even if no one else will never know. Because YOU will know.”
“Have the tough and uncomfortable conversations.”
“Do something important, and get it done.”
Thank you for sharing your life thoughts 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for the summary. I love it!
Komphie says
Just the right post for me. Very encouraging — i love it. Thanx a lot.
Meg Siobhan says
Agree with all of this! Especially the first point, which is something I have tried to stop doing. Doing lots, and thinking about too much caused me to…stumble, let’s say. So I need to just kind of, wipe the slate clean and try to start afresh, in my own time, in my own way.
Great post!
Sharon says
Receiving your postings are inspirational and are like conversations I would have with trusted friends. I have shared your posts with family and friends and and we discuss amongst ourselves how we can make more positive changes in our lives. Keep up the awesome work. Peace and blessings to all for 2016.
Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor says
I absolutely complicate life by trying to control too much. For example, trying to get my kids to wearing matching clothes is not really worth my time (they are not in school yet, but have preferences about random things like this). Or trying to control others’ perception of me, because it turns out I can’t, and it’s also a waste of mental energy to worry about. Great article!