Things can change if you want them to, at any age. Life changes every single moment, and so can you.
Last week I received three emails with the exact same subject line – “Turning My Life Around” – from three different coaching/course students. This synchronicity certainly caught my attention. Each of these student’s emails went into detail about their life situation and danced around the same fundamental theme and question:
“I don’t know what I want to do with my future, but I want to be successful… So what should I do?”
Obviously a sweeping, open-ended question like this is difficult to answer. But here’s my attempt to answer it for all of us – a short list of five timeless principles and strategies Angel and I live by – a list worth working on regardless of your age or what you decide to do with the rest of your life:
1. Focus a little less on the future, and a little more on the present.
Yes, it’s healthy to plan for the future, but not at the full expense of today. The truth is no matter how smart you are or how hard you try, you can’t accurately figure out the future. Even people who have a systematic plan (steps to be a doctor, steps to be a successful entrepreneur, etc.) don’t actually know what will happen down the road. And if they have any certainty at all, they’re a bit naive.
Life rarely goes as planned. For every person that succeeds in doing exactly what they set out to do in the exact time frame they set out to do it in, there are dozens of others who start strong and get derailed. And if this happens to you, it isn’t a bad thing. New obstacles and opportunities may come along to shift your perspective, to strengthen your resolve, or to change your direction for the better. The destination you fall in love with someday may not even exist today. For example, just a few short years ago the esteemed career paths of working at Google, Facebook and Twitter didn’t exist. Neither did the job of professional coach and blogger at Marc and Angel Hack Life.
So if you can’t plan out your future in its entirety, what should you do? Focus a little less on the future and focus more on what you can do now that will benefit you no matter what the future brings. Read. Write. Learn and practice useful skills. Test your skills and ideas. Build things. Be adventurous and seek real-world experiences. Cultivate healthy relationships. These efforts will help in any future circumstances that come your way.
One of the best ways to begin with all of this, I think, is to build something small in your free time. Most people fritter their free time away on things that don’t matter, like TV, video games, social media, etc. A year of that and you have absolutely zero to show for it. But if you painted every day, or practiced your web design skills, or wrote on a blog, or updated and perfected a video channel on YouTube, or started building a side business/passion project, or spent more time networking with the right people… at the end of a year you’ll have built something. And you’ll have some great life experiences too – experiences you can point to and say, “I built that, and I learned this,” which, sadly, most people can’t do.
Also, it’s important to mention that although it may seem easier for younger people to do these things, it’s 100% possible for all of us to take small steps in the right direction, day in and day out, for the rest of our lives.
2. Focus more on the journey.
The most prolific and beneficial experience is not in achieving something you want, but in seeking it. It’s the journey towards an endless horizon that matters – goals that move forward with you as you chase them. It’s all about the pursuit and what you learn along the way – the “moving.”
The most important reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in between. In between is where passions are realized, love is found, strength is gained, and memories are made. You can’t get any of that without firsthand living.
In other words, the right journey is the destination. (Read The War of Art.)
3. Do hard things.
If you want to stunt your growth and feel stuck in the same place forever, make excuses. If, on the other hand, you want to stop feeling trapped, do things that make you uncomfortable – things you aren’t very good at. There’s no excuse for remaining stuck. There’s no excuse for making the same exact mistakes over and over again. Life is too short. You’ve got to stretch your boundaries and break free.
One of the most important skills you can develop in life is being OK with some level of discomfort. Because the best things are often hard to come by, and if you shy away from difficulty and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them.
Mastering a new skill is hard. Building a business is hard. Writing a book is hard. A marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying in shape is hard. All are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster.
If you get good at doing hard things, you can do anything.
How do you get good at this? Purposefully do things today that are uncomfortable, and start in small doses. Try exercising for ten minutes, even if it’s hard, and repeat this practice every day for a month before increasing your exercise duration by even the slightest margin. Try journaling or meditating every day for ten minutes. When you find yourself avoiding discomfort or procrastinating, push yourself just a little bit more, but don’t do more than ten minutes. It’s all about starting small and building a daily ritual that gradually strengthens your mind and body, and allows you to do (larger) hard things effortlessly in the long run. (Angel and I demonstrate this process in detail in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
4. Embrace uncertainty.
A related skill to “doing hard things” is thriving in uncertainty. Starting a business, for example, is a remarkable thing to do, but if you’re scared of uncertainty you’ll skip it. You can’t possibly know exactly how things will turn out, and so if you need to know how things will turn out, you’ll avoid life-changing opportunities, projects, career moves, relationships, etc.
But if you can be OK with not knowing, you’ll open yourself up to an endless pool of possibilities. But of course they won’t come easy…
Sometimes you will not be able to see where you are going; every step will seem uncertain. But know that as long as you follow your intuition and take baby steps, your soul’s inner GPS will guide you home. You will find that you will be the right person, at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing on point. Trust your instincts. Relax. You know what to do. Living is about learning as you go.
And remember, living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step, every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a small risk. To truly live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk, and to trust yourself to take it. To not get out of bed, clutching to illusions of safety, is to die slowly without ever having truly lived.
If you simply ignore your feelings and let uncertainty win, you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong. Because if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without ever looking back and wondering what might have been.
Bottom line: When you get good at handling discomfort and uncertainty, you can do all kinds of remarkable things that seem impossible now: travel the world and live frugally while blogging about it, write a book, start a small profitable business, relocate to a new city, learn to play a musical instrument, take a job with a startup you admire, travel to “bucket list locations” with your family, and much more. All of these ideas can be achieved in a relatively short time, but you have to be OK with discomfort and uncertainty, and you have to start sooner rather than later. (Angel and I discuss this further in the “Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
5. Build and nurture quality relationships.
There are right people and wrong people for you. There are fake people and then there are those who are true friends and sincere companions on the path. There are people who take the heart out of you, and those who put it back. You have a choice of who to spend time with. True friends (personal or professional) have an honest heart and will go out of their way to help you when you need it most. Stick with the people who never let you down and keep their promises. You can’t fake that.
Truthfully, if your time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships (personal or professional), or on too many activities that force you to neglect your good relationships, you can end up in a tedious cycle of fleeting friendships, superficial romances that are as thrilling as they are meaningless, and a general sense of wondering why you always seem to be running in place, chasing affection and admiration.
How do you build healthy, lasting personal and professional relationships? How do you find friends that lift you higher? How do you meet a significant other that belongs at your family reunions? Here’s a good read on how to meet the right people.
As this topic relates to professional success… Talk to lots of people every day, even if it feels uncomfortable. Bosses. Colleagues. Employees. Professors. Classmates. Social club members. Neighbors. Friends. Friends of friends. Everyone! Why? Networking…
I have worked for three employers since I graduated from college (I left all three employers by choice and on good terms, and eventually started my own business), but I only interviewed with the first employer. The other two employers offered me jobs, before I even had a formal interview, based strictly on the recommendation of a hiring manager (someone I had networked with over the years). When employers look to fill a position the first thing they often do is ask the people they trust if they know someone who would do well in the position.
If you start building your network today, you’ll be set in the years ahead. Over time, you’ll continue talking to new people you meet through your current network and your network’s reach and the associated opportunities will continue to snowball for the duration of your life.
Again, this may seem easier for young people, but it’s possible for all of us. It just takes effort.
The underlying key is to be trustworthy in your relationships. When someone gives someone an employment/business opportunity, the biggest fear is that this person is not trustworthy – that they’ll slack off and try to cheat the system. Someone who has established a positive reputation over the years will likely be more trusted, and more likely to be recommended. Learn to be trustworthy by being honest, admitting mistakes and fixing them, and generally going above and beyond the call of duty in your personal and professional relationships whenever you’re able.
If you adhere to this, you’ll build a good reputation and people will appreciate and endorse you, which is the best way to get a job, a business investor, or another good friend.
Afterthoughts
If you follow the principles discussed above, you’ll be remarkable. You’ll be way, way ahead of most other people (even though you’re not competing with them). And opportunities will gradually come your way: job opportunities, a chance to build something special with someone, an idea for a business that you can build yourself, a new skill to learn and grow from, etc.
Of course, you can put all this off and take an easier, familiar path that keeps you hiking in circles…
Or you can start down a new path today, turn your life around, and see what the rest of it has to offer you.
The floor is yours…
Which point above resonated the most with you?
What’s the #1 thing you want to change in your life?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive simple weekly tips and strategies for living a happier, more productive life.
Photo by: Christian
Gigi says
Excellent post!! The positive changes I have made in the past year after reading your blog emails and book have been a life-saver for me.
From my experience, also, if you want to make sure you’re consistently on the right track, create a planning system for yourself. Often times we forget all the tasks we have to keep track of to get to where we want to go, so using some sort of tool to organize yourself will be optimal … such as a simple calendar. When we do this, we can plan ahead many days in advance while at the same time focusing more on the present on each day.
Then, as you have mentioned many times before, create a ritual for each positive change you, and then, while it may be tiring at first and hard to keep, your brain will adjust to the changes and your momentum will build.
Marc Chernoff says
Yes, making gradual changes by implementing small, daily rituals is incredibly effective!
And thank you for the positive feedback, Gigi. Much appreciated.
Jean Larson says
I love #2 in this post, and also Gigi’s remarks about rituals. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
“What saves a man or woman is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.”
I’ve been working through your course over the past two months and I’m now taking these steps, consistently. I feel like I’m focused for the first time in decades. Thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
Love that quote, Jean. Thank you for sharing it.
Also, congrats on the recent progress. That’s inspiring to hear. Please shoot us an email (to the course email) anytime you’re ready to get on your first coaching call.
Heather says
Thank you for this write-up. Again, I’m very grateful to have your blog and emails as my guide. Since I’ve been reading your work I too have been making leaps in the right direction.
Marc Chernoff says
You are welcome, Heather.
Linda Bauman says
This was great! Today I am going to a luncheon to meet new people because I have been very isolated. I loved the part about meeting the right people. How is it that you always know what I need to hear! Thank you for today’s post.
Linda
Brenda says
Is there any easy way of trying to be happy and content with who your involved with. I feel I have set myself up for failure. I am scared upset depressed that it,s not that simple. I don,t know what to do. I know the only one I am fighting with is myself. I don,t know where to turn to because I don,t want to be alone.I am totally a wreck.
Nancy says
In spite of all the Hollywood hokum that says “he completes me,” the only true path to happiness, in my opinion, is to get to know and be comfortable with yourself. If we are always clinging to someone else as a life raft that will save us, we never realize what powerful swimmers we are. It isn’t easy – nothing worth doing is, but try to become comfortable being alone. Find friendships that nurture and support you, engage in activities that light you up. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. Once you are comfortable alone, you don’t “need” anyone to make you happy or secure, but if someone comes along, that is great!
I’ve been where you are and believe me, it feels better to rely only on yourself to create your happiness. You are stronger than you know! Hang in there!
Lei Lani Lucero says
Brenda – be okay with yourself, first. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Know that, no matter what, you are not the only one feeling this, you are not alone in your fear. Be involved with your self, that way, you can learn to trust yourself, trust your goals, and be open to the wonder that exists all around (and in all of) us.
Sending you a big, warm hug.
Marc Chernoff says
Brenda, I think Nancy and Lei already gave you some incredible advice. Also, though, read these two articles, as I think will give you some necessary perspective:
– 8 Ways to Be Emotionally Strong in Your Relationships
– 5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships
Annette says
Read and love all your posts, but turning your life around at any age? I find myself having to start over at age 63. Went to art school in my younger years and dreamed of being an artist. Then life happened. Now I finally find myself in a position to begin anew, from scratch. However, how successful can you get at my age when you have only so many good years left? I am moving forward anyway because the alternative isn’t looking so good either.
Marc Chernoff says
It’s all about small, consistent daily rituals, and realizing that the only moment we truly have is now. Here are two articles that might give you some added perspective:
– 12 Little Known Laws of Mindfulness (That Will Change Your Life)
– 7 Reliable Steps to Change Your Life at Any Age
Kim says
1st of all, love you guys! I am convinced your posts came to me (I did not search you out), in answer to a prayer.
I do agree with the post. However, it has been my experience that life becomes less forgiving as time goes on. I’ve been plagued by a series of unfortunate events, which I’ve persevered through but required me to sacrifice my needs for my children’s. Now that things have settled, each positive step taken has fell far short of goal. I’m really tired, but like Annette above, continue to forge ahead because there is no alternative. It’s disconcerting.
Marc Chernoff says
Kim, please read the two articles I linked to above for Annette. Also, I’m sending prayers of strength your way.
Naz says
This article is much needed at this time in my life, as I’m feeling stuck and lost in my life. I’m at a significant point in my life where I’m not tied down, and I can make big changes which I need. But I don’t know what I need to do and how to do it.
Ruby says
Thank you,
This is just what I needed to hear today.
-Ruby
Michael Todd Gwin says
I resonate with everything you say Marc. I’ve been slowly learning this for a few years now. But now that i’ve read this article, I feel more confident in my abilities to keep working on myself, even though i’m not really sure what all the little improvements i accomplish every day will add up to later down the road. It’s nice to hear someone talk about what you feel in your heart to be true.
Thank you Marc.
Trudy says
Excellent post! I loved coming to your blog and reading almost everything. Number 3 and 4 is what I’m working on in the last 13 years. It’s so easy just to stay in the comfort zone and just existing. In the past 13 years I’ve stepped up into the discomfort and uncertainty and learned so many things. Some family members and friends have told me not to do this or that, because it’s easy just to stay wherever you are and get way too comfortable.
I’m on my way to change my lifestyle. It’s so scary and exciting at the same time. Nothing is going to hold me back and I’m loving every minute of it.
Paul says
That’s a great post. I’m going through number 3 (do hard things) and number 4 (embrace uncertainty) right now with a project at work. It’s scary but at the same time it is so satisfying to be experiencing new things that I’ve previously avoided. I can feel myself growing and changing every day.
Tim says
I just started reading today and I gotta say I already feel a little better. Thanks so much. I’ll certainly continue to read your blogs.
Srinivas says
I regularly read your postings. They make difference.
Today I will be present rather than focusing on future.
Marx Abrahams says
Thank you for these life changing tips. I will most definitely be trying them out on a daily basis and I’m sure to see positive results.
Scott Jasper says
Really great post. I totally agree with the embrace uncertainty. That is truly one of the keys. Plus, I also think that it is important to focus more on the journey. I am always so focused on the result that I have a habit of not having fun along the way.
Susan says
Very good post. I feel good that I’m already applying these things. I’ve also had similar thoughts, especially about the uncertainty bit.
Kerby says
Thanks a lot Marc for this superb piece. I’m 24, quite young (lol) but I have to say I did a lot of failures in the past – had a food business but I closed it after 7 months, I had a lot of jobs before as I worked online but I turned them down thinking I have a lots of money in the bank, now I have almost zero. Today, I am simplifying life. Avoiding city life, prefer saying NO! To malls, over rated starbucks, night life and alcohols. 2 weeks ago, I deactivated my social media accounts. I bought a book and read it in my free time. I installed worthy apps like cnn news and great facts. I exercise about 1 hour a day. Reading materials to improve my marketing skills. And to be honest, I LOVE IT! I’m happy at the moment, and that’s the important thing for me. My main goal now is to have a full time online job, and I acclaim it’s coming. I need to save coz I need to visit 3 countries left in my bucket list. Yea! I must do it! 🙂 Again, thanks for having this blog, it helps a lot of people… Btw, I am from the other side of the world, Philippines.
Marc Chernoff says
Inspiring, Kirby! Keep going! 🙂
sarah says
I love your guys blog. its the highlight of my morning. you help keep me sane, which my family should appreciate. number one hit the mark, today, sometimes I get anxious over the future. but I’m going to work on living in the moment and not worry too much about the future. enjoy the ride we call life as much as possible. keep up the good work.
Stan says
All good points. The one that really hits home with me is #5. I worked long hours before I retired a few months ago, so I neglected friendships. Now I am trying to rebuild old friendships that got put aside, and reaching out to make new friendships and learn new things. There was so much I was missing out on without even knowing it.
“I may not be rich with silver and gold,
but I am so much better, with new friends and old!”
Saru says
Thanks Marc and Angel – I am working hard on certificate course that I failed many times before. I thought of giving it up due to my age, family and work obligations. But have gone through your newsletters that motivated me to try one more time before hanging my boots. Like your recommendation on doing the hard things first so the reward will be satisfying. So I am here starting to give another honest try to succeed. In life we find some guiding stars to lead us when we stumble and fail, needless to say that you both are the guiding stars to many. Our group is certainly Blessed. Thanks again.
Best regards,
Saru
Chas says
While the entire post is what I needed to read right now, number 1 and number 3 resonated with me the deepest. “You’ve got to stretch your boundaries and break free.”~ Thank you, I really needed to hear that message.
Malou says
What a great summary! My motto is you live today. Tomorrow everything can be over. So enjoy the time you have. Spend the time you have with the people you like in stead of wasting it. Good article , hopefully you inspire a lot of people with it.
Caroline says
Thanks for this. My husband and I are wanting to start a new business together – leaving behind engineering and legal careers. So we need to learn to embrace the uncertainty – and do hard things.
It’s easy to get caught up doing what you know and not risking it to do what you love. This will start a new conversation with us. Thanks!
Marc Chernoff says
Thank YOU for all the insightful and inspiring comments, everyone. Angel and I just read each of them, together. You made us smile more than once over here. 🙂
James says
Hi, Marc and Angel. How do I know if I am already doing enough, with regards to taking small baby steps, moving out of the comfort zone, embracing uncertainty? My life had been all too difficult the past two years. But most especially since last year. Fear, negativity, and depression had been weighing me down. Heavily. I have decluttered my home. Started going to the gym more often. Started taking up sign language classes. Accepted part-time consultancy from a former employer. Pursuing volunteer church work interpreting during Holy Mass. But sadly, I still see no flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. The fear, the worries, the negativity still bear on me heavily from time to time; quite often actually. Some of my new routes and activities, my small baby steps, also do not turn out for the better. I am as worried as before. But I will continue to stick to my new baby steps, particularly the working out, sign language classes, interpreting for the deaf. Of course, visiting your blog and reading your articles. I simply wish that things would start turning in my favor. I feel so unlucky….
Ruby says
I really liked what you said about uncertainty. I thought it was really well-said. Great topic to discuss. I love your posts, they’re always a joy to read.
-Ruby
Sinamoli says
I always enjoy reading your posts because It reinforces something that I need to correct in my attitue and direction towards life and it really helps me everytime as I learn from each post that I can do something about what Im not happy with, I can change and all I have to do is read your manual on how to live happily, taking action through tiny steps. Thank you for the encouragement. In reading this post I have learnt that I can become more of what I want to be instead of what I tell myself in my head (stupid, insecure, weak, failure). Negativity fills my days but every post gives me a better perspective. 🙂
Dante says
Great timely piece Marc & Angel. Marvelous insights and recommendations, not all easy to implement but so necessary for growth and getting out of one’s comfort zones.
Sakhile says
All these points resonated with me. I am engaging with different people and taking on projects which I am uncomfortable with because I want to grow. I have let go of some relationships and I have stopped trying to control every aspect of my life. When it gets challenging, I just read your blog. Thank you, this is the best blog ever!
Sherry says
Great post that I am sure will help many! Personally, I am working on doing the hard things. I have started a new business and all of this start up and learning “new to me” technology is taking on the challenge of doing the hard thing. I know it will be better in the long run, so it keeps me going. Also, modeling this for my children is important.
Again, thanks for a great article. I will share it with my community so they too can benefit from this. Thanks Marc!
Gus says
First time on your site. Read about it on a Kickstarter book from John Lee Dumas.
Have to say, thanks and keep doing it!
Just browsed three of your articles and immediately connected with the idea and underlying thought process. Adding you guys to my monthly leisure/motivation coffe break!
Cheers,
Moe says
Well done guys, awesome piece!
Daniel Arinda says
Hello Marc And Angel..
Thank you for the great article. After my bachelors degree. I have not added any academic paper becoz I felt too busy to learn anything new. but from now i am going to enroll to at least two free online courses and I am sure I will change my life slowly.
Thank you for this amazing article.