Oftentimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.
This short article was inspired by an email we received last night from a new course student:
Dear Marc and Angel,
Life hasn’t been the easiest on me over this past decade. I won’t get into all the details now, but these hard times have left me with many cracks. And although I’ve still managed to be a reasonably successful person, I often struggle desperately with my self-confidence. I just don’t feel good enough most of the time. I feel flawed. I feel like my cracks make me undesirable. It’s all in my head – I know it is! But I really need help shifting my mindset. I need a new outlook. Do you have any insight that might assist me?
Sincerely,
A Shy Student
Our reply (an open reply to all who don’t feel “good enough”):
Dear Shy Student,
It’s time for a quick story about life…
Once upon a time there was an elderly woman who needed to walk down to the river every morning to fetch water for drinking, cooking and cleaning. She carried two buckets with her, filled them up at the riverbank, and walked back with them to her rural cottage home.
One of the buckets was newer, perfectly sealed, and held its water flawlessly. But the second bucket was older and contained a few thin cracks that would leak water onto the ground as the elderly woman walked. By the time she arrived home, typically about one third of the water in the second bucket had leaked through its cracks.
One day, on the walk down to the river, the cracked bucket – who had always felt like it wasn’t as good as the other bucket – said to the elderly woman, “I want you to know that I’ve been leaking water every morning for the past several years. I’m so sorry for being cracked and making your life more difficult. I understand if you need to replace me with a better bucket.”
The elderly woman smiled. “Do you really think I haven’t known about your cracks this whole time?” she asked. “Look at all the beautiful flowers that grow on the path from my cottage to the river. I planted their seeds, but every morning it’s you who does the watering.”
REMEMBER:
Feeling good enough in life, in work, in business, and in our relationships has everything to do with how we personally judge the cracks in our own bucket. Because we all have a few cracks!
But are they cracks that wreck us, that taint us, and that ruin our experience and desirability?
Or do our cracks water a trail of flowers we haven’t even stopped to appreciate?
Choose to see the flowers through the cracks in your own bucket – choose to see how it’s exactly those cracks that make you good enough – and your whole universe will shift!
Sincerely,
Marc and Angel
Your turn…
Take a deep breath when you need one. Sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel less than “good enough.” If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, house and so forth by a certain age or time frame, we assume we’re flawed. Angel and I hear about this kind of self-defeating mindset from our Getting Back to Happy students and blog subscribers on a daily basis, and we aren’t immune either.
I hope the story and insight in this post gave you some healthy perspective, but I’d also love to hear about your firsthand experience with self-doubt.
What makes you feel “not good enough?” How have you coped with this negativity?
Please leave a comment below and share a small piece of your story with us.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photos by: Gabriella Corrado and Richard Walker
Susan says
Marc and Angel, you two really have a way of getting a point through to me. It’s one of the reasons I find myself reading and re-reading your emails, posts and sections of your book. Truly, marcandangel.com and the powerful book that is “1,000 Little Things” has helped improve my self-esteem in countless ways over the past couple years. Other self-improvement books that’s you’ve frequently mentioned, like “The Power of Now” and “The Four Agreements” have been helpful as well.
For me it really hasn’t been much about learning something cutting edge that I didn’t know, but about re-learning to use the inner mindset tools I already have. And the easiest way I’ve found to make this happen is constantly reminding myself that I am capable and in control – which I’ve done by reading a page or two of the aforementioned books and this blog’s content.
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for the kindness and continued support, Susan. I love your perspective on re-learning too.
L says
Hey 🙂
I’m currently struggling a lot with self doubt/low self esteem/confidence/anxiety/ptsd depression.. And yeah, just feel like I’m tired of struggling. End of last year was a hard time, I got burnt out pretty badly from spraining my neck and getting super behind in uni.. Then I got down and tried to reach out to my boyfriend, who had just told me don’t be afraid to push me away or offend me I’m a rock.. Then he broke up with me (first time I’ve been broken up with) a couple of weeks later over what I’d reached out about saying he feels he can’t be what I need, but all I’d needed was a hug and not to be ignored for a week ._. (He was emotionally/fearful avoidant which I’m now realising is part of why I got more and more anxious last year as I worry so much what others think). Pretty much had a nervous breakdown, and only now starting to feel okay enough to really let him go and focus on building myself back up. That’s where the challenge is.. I have a lot of emotional trauma from feeling unwanted throughout my life and in childhood by my mother.. And my father pointing out where I fail. My first ever intimate long term boyfriend a few years ago was emotionally abusive which is where I became anxious attachment from being more independent before that ._. So my self esteem has been pretty shattered continually.. I am trying to try to help myself feel worth it but it’s really hard, and many days I just feel I’ve been struggling alone (my parents fought over not wanting us when they broke up so I’m now on my own completely and that’s hard financially and emotionally, lonely, no sense of home or stability).. If you have any tips for starting on an upwards journey that would be appreciated 🙂 x
Christian says
Excellent parable and principles for finding self-worthiness. After a friend shared one of your older emails with me a couple weeks ago, this topic has been what I’ve been mulling over in my journal lately. In the past I have wrestled with not believing and trusting in myself. The key I’ve found is to embrace the reality that I do not need the approval of others to lead the life I want for myself. My biggest mistake with self-doubt was in believing my life should be run like a democracy-where all the people I know and love have a say and a voice about everything, where I have to campaign hard for what matters for me, where I have been outvoted time and time again. Well… that is a thing of the past. Thank you for helping me make gradual changes.
Marissa says
Good for you! I felt every word verbatim because I too suffered from seeking the approval of others long enough and is looking forward to focusing on doing whatever makes me happy.
Marc Chernoff says
Cheers to the journey ahead, Christian.
Mara says
I love the story and the lesson! Yes, we all have our cracks…
Insecurity is something I’ve always struggled with, especially as it relates to reaching for my larger goals…
“If you were able to maintain a level of self-confidence that no circumstance could shake, what would you be doing differently right now?”
I took this question from one of Angel’s email newsletters awhile back, and I wrote it down on the white board in my home office. It’s still there, and I reference read it aloud whenever I feel like like I’m not good enough – which is often. Doing so helps me calm my mind, refocus, and take the next tiny step forward.
Marc Chernoff says
So happy to hear that email resonated so deeply, Mara.
Laura J. Tong says
This is such a beautiful story and reminder that what seems like a crack to us is an incredible gift to someone else. I will remember this forever – what an amazing thought changer.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
Thanks for the kindness, Laura. You are welcome.
Charlotte Buckle says
Wow, this is such a beautiful response! It really struck an emotional cord with me. Thank you so much for sharing this and reminding us that we are all “good enough”!!
Take care,
C | atlantic-c.blogspot.ca
Shawn says
This resonates. So been feeling “not good enough” at work. This oldie struggles to stay up with technology- SQL, forecasting, Excel, Oracle, Teradata-and ever changing politics. Not as fast as the others. It can be overwhelming so need to take deep breaths and learn what I can. And if this job doesn’t work out will find one that does; however certainly not coasting into retirement. I can’t let the “cracked bucket” get me down!
Dania says
“Wow” is all I really have to say. I have been beating myself up because I felt flawed. I was angry at myself for allowing my sealed self to open up to people who disappointed me. It left me with cracks that I feel lowered my self worth. This article reminds me that at times God uses those crack to flower seeds/people around you. How can I relate if I can’t relate. Thanks for sharing.
Julie Rayner says
Hi I’m 50 year old lady! Now I can say that and mean it! Abused as a child, domestic violence from previous marriage nearly killed me, had my beautiful daughter taken from me by my ex through lies-she now has bipolar and we have only met 3 times in 12 years! I nearly crumbled but got up for my 2 beautiful sons. I now study hard and have nearly made it and everyday I help stroke patients return to a good life with my rehabilitation skills, I also give out random kindness every day. Married to a fantastic man. If I can still give kindness so can everyone 😊 xx
Gururaj says
I can just say only few words. Hats off to you both, for your very impressive posts!
Apple says
Almost 2 years ago I lost my job. Its been difficult to continue to see the silver lining. I make it a point to maintain an attitude of thanksgiving and look forward to better things to come. Thank you for your posts and positive reinforcement, you make a difference.
Sarah says
My former husband of nearly 3 decades left me 10 years ago for a “newer model”. I have been in two relationships since then, both with old friends. One of them I love deeply … It hasn’t worked out (his decision). I wonder every day why 35 years ago I had the world by the you-know-what , and now I struggle every day in so many ways. Thank you for this.
Ros says
I loved your story, our cracks are part of us! During my time working for an holistic holiday company, we used to have a meeting each morning called “personals” . It was basically to touch base, say how things were going, talk about any problems we had etc. I used to dread them as I always worried how I was coming over, what I had said, whether I had shown myself up! Never ever really feeling ” good enough ” to be there. To my surprise one morning A girl who I worked with who was a totally amazing teacher and human being suddenly divulged her vulnerability and self doubt.. Some student had knocked her confidence.. Our director gave the response ( he was quite a famous guy) that didn’t we realise that every single one of us including him is waiting for someone to tap us on the shoulder, and notice our cracks! Are any of us a 100% sure we are good enough… no way!. I have a thing about being authentic, that is all I want to be, if it isn’t good enough by whatever standards well at least it is real and me! However I find being authentic difficult. I have been a bit of an all things to all men type of person, even a people pleaser … it is ENOUGH to just be ourselves, cracks and all!
Marc Chernoff says
Yes, Ros, it is. 🙂
Jewel says
Hi Marc and Angel! Thanks for this short story.. and a big lesson! I do not want to think that Life is such a struggle.. Life is beautiful! It is just how we look at it. Every each one of us have our own issues.. but each one of us also have our own choices.. and there’s only 2 great choices we need to remember.. It’s either we stay down and sad or we can be up and happy.. And I choose to be happy no matter what. I always put in my mind that nobody can steal my happiness. And I also put in my mind that i and only I can create my happiness.. when i am down I tried to lift myself up. I do not wait for anyone to lift me up. I do it myself. One thing everyday i need to remind myself that I am important.. i am worthy.. and yes it should be every single day.. constant reminder.. and I need to embrace myself in a constant manner and be at peace and forgiving to myself..
Perfection is how we deal our imperfections perfectly..
Thanks so much..
Nancy says
Everyone has an opinion on how I should live my life, and for most of my life I have listened to them and not followed my heart. The older you get, the more you realize how short our time is here, and you begin to reassess what is important. I have made a plan of escape. By the end of this year I’ll be making more art and sitting in less traffic. I will live the life I dream for me, and not the life others think a person my age should live. “What will you do about health insurance?” Is the first question I am asked when I say I’m going to quit this soul-crushing job. “What about my mental health and happiness?” is my reply. Am I supposed to stay in a job I hate forever in case I have a health crisis? Sorry, that’s not how I want to spend the time I have left here, and I’ll deal with whatever comes as it presents itself. Living a life of “just in case” is not for me. I deserve to live a life I love, not merely exist so I can pay for medical bills that may or may not occur. And if people don’t like it, too bad. Thank you for reinforcing my belief that I am on the right path for me!
solomon says
You guys are doing a great job, most of your messages here are so touching and life changing. This particular article is meant for me because it is exactly what I am battling with. Now I looked back and appreciate the cracks in my life. It has really do me and people around me good, unknowingly to myself. I got to know this through findings after i read your article. Thank you Marc and Angel.
Jasmine says
I love the story and its lesson.
I have been dealing with self-doubt for many years (and still is at times). Usually, I would read inspirational books and I would write my thoughts in my journal. I would remind myself that I have to accept myself for who I am – with all my flaws. I would pause myself for a while and look at my surroundings. As I pause myself, I recall the thoughts that make me doubt myself. As I recall them, I would tell myself, “It’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself too much.” I would also say to myself, “I love you no matter what.” I also pray about it and make reminders to myself.
Rose Costas says
Thank you so very much for the way to use these stories to get your points across. Like everyone else I do sometimes think I am not good enough. I like most people have had there ups and downs but when I hear others story it often remind me that we all have our cross to bear and so gladly bear mind and work hard for things to change.
Thanks again for the important lesson on life.
Leanne says
This is such a gift, reading each one your posts. This one is mind-blowing! Thank you dear Marc & Angel.
David Rapp says
Its very easy to get caught up on your flaws because a lot of it is “supported” by the world at large. If your tired, drink or take this. If your anxious or depressed, take that. New make-up changes your world. This dating site is better than another. On and on.
I try to remember that every CEO, the every actor, every rock star, ever, tycoon, and every author has just as many flaws as I do. And really all that they do differently is fully leverage their strengths AND their weaknesses.
I have had 2 amazing opportunities come into my life in the last 7 days, and I am going after them. For the first time since 1993, I am getting out of my own way, ignoring the naysayers, and forging ahead. No matter your circumstance, real or imagined, fortune still favors the bold.
Dr shifalli says
Wow..it’s incredible..i guess at times every blog of yours gives me a new hope…hats of to you guys. I was so overloaded but as of now after reading this, I honestly feel more relaxed. Many thanks.
Marla Martenson says
What a beautiful story! It totally got to me. Thanks so much.
Donna McQueen says
I have a deep-seeded belief that I am not good enough or unworthy, so your story really hit home for me. One thing that helps me, when I practice it, is am I coming from the “corner” of love or fear. When I’m coming from fear all the insecurities come shooting to the top! And, I am usually paralyzed and cannot get anything accomplished. However, if I’m coming from the “corner” of love than NOTHING can stop me! There’s such a freedom to it. It really works! Love to all.
L says
Yes 🙂 I just started to realise when one reacts or makes decisions out of fear how much it can pull us down.. Fear losing your boyfriend; end up losing him.. 🙁 learning that I need to love myself more and put me first.. Be happy in my own self and come from a place of love and gratitude 🙂 then no regrets..
Mindy says
Amazing story… Another life lesson counted among the many that I have already learned from Marc and Angel. Thank you for all that you do and teach us! This is the post that I will print and put up on my wall as a daily reminder. Thank you again.
Ashlee says
I came across a post a couple of years ago on Face Book that always stuck with me and amazingly these two little words are very powerful (as the post had suggested), “I am…” two powerful words. You fill in the blank. Also, “I am enough” has kept me confident many a days.
Jenny says
Thank you so very much! I really needed this timely message today. You all are a blessing and you have no idea how much good you are doing for people like me. I am truly grateful! ❤️
liz says
Your messsage has reinforced my decision today to accept myself and stop being envious for not having free flowing hair.- right? Sounds lame but this has bothered me for years. The other thing I am struggling with is dealing with silence from friends/loved ones. Sometimes I wake up thinking about it at night – in the morning it seems pretty petty – so why did such petty thing keep me awak??
Mike says
You will be okay. Find peace in yourself. Don’t expect it from others.
Cj says
This was really needed today. With all of the hoopla going on surrounding Valentine’s day coupled the fact that I celebrated another birthday last week alone all while dealing with the reality of having to find a new job, had made me feel “not good enough”. It is reading posts like these that remind me that I am good enough and I have a lot to offer the right person, right job, and right opportunity that will come in time. I just have to do my part while waiting and remain calm and patient in the process. Easier said than done but necessary.
April says
My life dramatically changed after I graduated law school. I was 28 yrs old and happy ready to start this next phase of my life. Then I got cancer for the second time and I thought it was just going to be a mastectomy, 3 months of chemo & 8 weeks of radiation. Well it turned into over a year of chemo, a mastectomy on the other side, a total hysterectomy, many added health problems, a very bad addiction to Xanax, 11 more unnecessary surgeries, many friends and my boyfriend stopped talking to me. It was horrible I had to move back home with my parents and my outlook on life changed extensively. Although it has been a 5 year road, I feel it was the biggest blessing. I learned so much about myself and how strong I am. Although I am not in the perfect career and I’m very lonely, I feel blessed regarding what this journey has taught me. Over time things will eventually get better. Had I not gotten sick I never would have developed a voice or the self confidence I have now and would have wasted my time and energy on people that never cared. I learned who I can count on and that during our darkest hours the sun still shines! 🌻💜🌻
Jan says
I’ve been dealing with leaving my job after 10 years, trying to figure out what to do with me. I am in my early 60’s. I have always had self doubt, well as long as I can remember! Work has been tough, putting up with bullying, people stabbing me in the back, etc. I am a very shy person and I’ve given my power away too many times. I am grateful I have people who love me and care about me. I am grateful for my awesome cat! This evening I had another self esteem and self doubt attack. You know I also realize I could have another 20 to 30 years on this planet! I am going to try really hard to make them exciting and happy. Thanks for this site!
Gold Sipho says
Thanks a lot for this inspiring and soul-relieving article, in fact, i also often feel this experience that seems to overwhelm me, i find myself lost in contemplation and regrets – often feeling sorry for myself. What haunts the most is that, at my age of 20 years, how come i don’t have anything significant, apart from my basic essentials. I often feel not good enough because when i look forward, sometimes i feel i have no future ahead, but i do feel better and more stable when i get to understand that am not the only one facing this reality.
Kathy says
Thank you Marc + Angel! Love the post. I have always struggle with low esteem and still I am. I find myself less that everybody else and this capture my entire day. Career wise I’m ok i graduated last year however I feel i am stuck and my classmates are ahead of me because they are doing better things or more productive jobs than me. Always comparing myself and trying to be the best. I am super exhausted, I just want to live my life and be happy; but i cannot find the way.
Wanda says
Hello self doubt, my old friend. You’ve come to visit me again. I never know when to expect you, but I know you will be there at some point. Usually you appear when I am tired or sick. You like to hit me when I am most vulnerable. You like to whisper to me that I don’t measure up to others, or that I have no friends. I sometimes have the strength to do this dance with you when I am strong. A good walk may chase you away. A long hot bubble bath helps. Talking to a friend is another way to shoo you away. I know my triggers well enough now to rid myself of you! My courage comes from within…not other people!
Jessica Sweet says
I agree – it’s a great story. Things we think of as cracks are often the things that make us lovable – our quirks – and when they are more than that, things we really need to work on, they become things that end up making us stronger. After all, how interesting is that new shiny bucket anyway? The patina on the old bucket is much cooler to look at!! 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
Angel and I just read all your comments, and we’re so happy to know that you all resonated with this short post. Thank you for the kindness and continued support. 🙂
Aqeel says
The awesome one. I’ve been looking for something like this.
Thanks for sharing.
Regards
Megan says
I love all your articles, but especially this one.I feel like a turtle in a shell when it comes to self confidence.I know everyone is special & beautiful in their own ways.Often their flaws & differences are what makes them that way even if they don’t see it.If everyone was the same the world would be pretty boring.But being told everyday that your nothing & ugly etc.. You believe what you hear but thanks to your articles & a very special few people that’s all starting to change.Thank you 🙂
Ann says
When you’re up at 4 am pondering why you still sometimes feel that ‘I just don’t measure up’… then you happen upon a Marc and Angel post… Again:)
You guys always rock! Thank you!
Steph says
This is very timely.
When you feel that most of the things you valued is falling apart and you feel that you are not appreciated, this article came as a help.
I subscibed, hope to receive more article in the future.
I admire your devotion to help.