“If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person right now.”
– Seneca
Pain happens to you. Stress happens through you.
Stress is your resistance to what’s happening. Life events may create temporary pain, but they do not in themselves create long-term stress – your resistance creates this stress. And it transpires most frequently in one of two ways (or a combination of the two):
- You refuse to accept the present reality
- You choose to worry and think about every other time and place
Thus, the only real problem in your life at any given moment is your mind’s perpetual resistance to life as it unfolds.
If you want to conquer the daily stress and anxiety of life, the first key is to live in the present – just BE here now. Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like right now, and simply appreciate it for everything that it is.
I want you to meditate for a moment on the practice of being mindfully present. Because that’s the foundation.
Once you are HERE without resistance, you are then able to apply the strategies below into your life, gradually. Building upon our recent video blog post on stress reduction, here are 21 timeless strategies Angel and I personally live by to lower our daily stress:
- Take off your mask. – Let people around you see the real, imperfect, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person YOU are. That is enough.
- Trust your intuition. – You don’t need to explain or justify your feelings to everyone, just trust your own inner guidance, it often knows best.
- Let go of the thoughts that aren’t serving you. – Right this moment, your thoughts are setting the direction for your day. Choose thoughts that lead to the day you most desire to live today.
- Firmly decide what matters and what doesn’t. – Stress comes from the way you react, not the way life is. The meaning of everything in your life is the meaning you give it. Inner peace begins the moment you choose to be mindful by not allowing another person or event to dominate your emotions.
- Take a deep breath when you need one. – You don’t have to solve every problem in your life before you can enjoy being at peace. (Read The Power of Now.)
- Keep sanity in your schedule. – Sometimes we have to say “no” to good things to be able to say “yes” to important things. We can’t do it all. Be mindful and choose wisely.
- Practice gratitude. – If you look for reasons to be grumpy, you’ll find plenty of them. Look instead for reasons to be grateful, and see them everywhere. Remind yourself how fortunate you are to be experiencing this moment right here, right now. The more you appreciate it, the better it’ll be.
- Detach yourself from the habit of taking things personally. – If you take everything personally, you’ll remain offended for the rest of your life. What other people do is often because of them, not you.
- Realize you likely need a lot less than you have. – The richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. Wealth is a mindset. Want less and appreciate more today.
- Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. – Physical clutter often creates emotional clutter. Focus on having incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Simplicity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Just do your best and appreciate it. – Regardless of what happens today, remember, you won’t enjoy your life if you don’t enjoy your challenges. And the very challenges that seem so hard when you’re going thru them are the ones you’ll look back on with gratitude for how far you’ve come.
- Focus on the positive. – Positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best to happen every time – it’s about accepting what happens every time, and making the best of it. In other words, a sincerely positive attitude is not a reaction to the way things are – it’s an expression of the way you choose for things to be.
- Let go of what’s no longer there. – Letting go is oftentimes a step forward. Sometimes you have to be willing to walk away from what you thought you wanted, to find what you truly need. So don’t let your fears and pains of the past affect your outlook on the present. Live for what today has to bring, not what yesterday has taken away.
- Be humble. Be teachable. – An open mind is always less stressed. Remember, the world is bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a new idea, a new step… a new beginning.
- Take small daily steps. – Thinking too long about doing something is often the reason it never gets done. Don’t obsess about hitting home runs every second. Just get on base, daily. Build positive rituals into your life. Be faithful. Be tenacious. Have integrity. Have fun. Be steadfast. Trust yourself. (Angel and I build positive daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
- Embrace self-discipline. – If you run away from self-discipline it punishes you. When you embrace self-discipline it enables you to achieve the most incredible things (including peace of mind).
- Practice patience as you work for your desires. – In a culture yearning and tempted by instant gratification, we must learn the value of patience and perseverance. Be present. Be steadfast.
- Exercise your love. – Our stresses, anxieties, frustrations, and heartache often arise simply because we do not see the world, others, or even ourselves as worthy of love.
- Spend time with supportive, loving people. – Your capacity to be both effective and happy is directly related to the quality of people whom most closely surround you every single day. And in these relationships, the little things often mean the most. So today, just be 100% present with those you love – BE ALL THERE. That is enough.
- Walk away from drama gracefully. – Wherever there’s lots of drama, there’s often lots of lying, manipulation and needless stress.
- Sleep on it. – If all else fails, the best advice I’ve found is still just to “sleep on it.” Give yourself some needed downtime. Everything changes in the morning.
Afterthoughts
And I want to leave you with a little reminder:
Whatever is happening in your life right now…
No beating yourself up! No matter what!
Even if life has been stressful lately, and you’re a long way from successfully implementing the ideas and strategies discussed in this post, that’s OK. Be patient with yourself. It likely took you years to form the habits, routines and life situations that are creating needless stress in your life. So it will naturally take some time to form new and better ones. But I promise you this: Even the smallest step in the right direction today will bring you some peace. Take that step. And then take another one tomorrow.
Your turn…
In what way do you need to lower your daily stress? What thoughts, habits or attachments are creating needless stress in your life? We would love to hear from YOU. Leave a comment below and let us know what’s going on at your end.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Emily Roman
Devon says
The fourth point in this post is a home run for me. Too often in the past I have let another person or uncontrollable event dominate my emotions. But with your help, Marc and Angel, I have been making gradual improvements. Truly, certain sections of your book have been highlighted and re-read a bazillion times. I need the reminders… as you’ve said, I need to meditate on them. And although I’m not 100% there yet, and I still get upset sometimes, but I’m not the emotional wreck I once was. There’s a lot less self-inflicted stress in my life today.
Marc Chernoff says
Step by step, Devon. You’re doing great! I’m happy we’ve been able to assist you on your journey.
Gina says
I always enjoy your blog and emails, but this one has been especially helpful. This is exactly what I needed to see today!
Recently there has been a lot of stress in my life, and it’s hard to see the forrest for the tress when my mind is constantly 10 steps ahead of my body. Good point on being in the mindfully present, and thanks for reminding me that even though I’ve been sprinting the wrong path, it’s OK and it’s not too late to change.
Brogan James says
#15 is what struggle with, and I absolutely adore how you’ve articulated a solution. That whole point just got printed out and tacked to my home office bulletin board. 😉
Vishal Kataria says
The crux of all these superb insights lies in point #2 – trusting our intuition. We’re ‘afraid’ of the voices in our head. So we choose to drown them out with social media and blaring music. But, nobody understands us better than those voices. Of course, they have good and bad things to say – we hear what we want to hear.
When we start trusting our intuition, we know what’s good for us. We start avoiding toxic people and events, self-disciplined, humbler and happier.
Thanks for these lessons Marc.
Marc Chernoff says
Well stated, Vishal. I couldn’t agree more.
Mark says
Great principles and well put together; many of them I’d kind of been doing (having learned them over the years and from your site too – thanks) but great to see them. It’s also reassuring that as individuals, you/I/we (all your readers) aren’t the only ones who need something to help every now and then!
Marc Chernoff says
Doubt doubt about it, Mark… we’re all in this together, and we all need these positive reminders sometimes.
Paz says
Hello there, my thoughts are strong on your latest post and I’ve just been thru some hard struggles, but I’m beginning to enjoy my experiences in life and letting things be as they are.
I’ve had to let go of not seeing my little boy as it breaks my heart and is really hard to handle, but there’s nothing I can do but hope and pray I get to be in his life in the future.
Sometimes I feel like I’m destined for greatness and big things, but there are some things I have to let go of and things I don’t have any control of. I have a lot of poison in my life that I have to rid myself of and I find it hard as I don’t have any fam or support so I put up with it. The loan wolf theory… I shut myself away from the world and you miss out on everything.
Anyway, I enjoy your post as it is helping me as I am alone with my thoughts most of the time and don’t have anyone to talk to. Thank you once again.
Marc Chernoff says
Small steps, Paz… keep taking small, positive steps, one day at a time. And please keep us updated on how you’re doing.
Mash says
Been dealing with a couple of hard times myself. My girlfriend of 3 years breaking up with me for another guy is really painful but as days go by,i chose a new direction and my strength is being renewed daily.Nothing has been making sense lately but spending time with supportive people has been really great. Thanks for the post.
Julie says
As always this is the perfect time to read this. I’m currently trying to listen to my heart and soul instead of my head which has been running my life so far. The arguments I have in my head that never actually happen, taking things personally or feeling under appreciated all cause stress and insecurity. Everyday with meditation I feel a small change, I am hopeful and excited for the change I can see in the distance. Thank you for your insight and wisdom.
Brenda says
#3 is where I am at. Thoughts continuously hound me. I also have trouble accepting and appreciating what I have. I need to focus on the moment right now. I fight with myself everyday not knowing where to go or what to do.
Connie W. says
Lots of Experiences, not lots of Things… I like that– I need to Downsize my stuffff! ??
Teri says
#7 is very important to me. I have always tried to practice gratitude, but reading your blog has helped me focus on it, and make it a significant part of my daily life. Having gratitude for what I DO have–even the very basics of life–stops all those negative thoughts dead in their tracks!
Peggy Scoggins says
We lost our home to a land slide and I am trying so hard to read and follow Marc and Angel’s emails daily. My teenagers and my husband are all ok with it. I am struggling. Number 13 hit home with me. I need to let go but it’s so hard. My husband and are 50 years old and we are starting all over. I raised my girls in that home so it’s like I’m grieving. I just want to thank Marc and Angel for their daily emails. I have many morning where I pulled them up and cried because I felt like they were talking to me.
Connie W. says
I just read your story, & I am sending heartfelt Prayers to You & your Family. It must be very difficult for you; thank the Lord you are all okay. I know of 1 guy who lost his wife & 2 young kids in a Flood, but has found strength & Peace staying close to the Lord… knowing they are in Heaven. I will keep you in my Prayers, Peggy, as your Family strives to move on~
Marc Chernoff says
Like Connie, Angel and I are sending prayers of strength your way, Peggy. And we are sincerely grateful that you and your family are alive, healthy and together today.
Tara says
Daily rituals have saved me…making time in the morning to eat breakfast {making it MY time} , growing plants, working in the yard, hanging out with my dogs, yoga…all have helped me to find a kind of peace, enjoy the little things more, and remember to breathe and keep it simple. It’s the clutter, metaphorically and physically, that overwhelms me and creates the stress and worry. Making small attempts to be productive everyday keeps me from feeling as though the day has gotten away from me. Thanks for the list! All great points!
Saba Salman says
I was surrounded by negative people everyday for so many years. I had become just like them. Once I signed up for your blog I have a new outlook in life. I don’t worry about the future anymore I live for today. I don’t let negative people impact me I just ignore the comments and move on. I’m a better mother and a better person. I also have let go of the past. Moving forward one baby step at a time.
Thank you for all the advice.
Jacqueline says
The one thing I do a lot recently is living in my future. I always envision myself in my big beautiful home away from the noise and everybody (I’m renting a one room apartment and there’s always people in my window talking and laughing). I can’t change this current situation now, so I escape from it and stay detached from people around me as a result. I so need to live in the present! of course I’m not letting go of my dream of becoming a billionaire someday I’m just going to start appreciating my current living condition and stop beating myself up about everything. This is one thing I’m going to meditate on #in with peace and serenity and out with stress and anxirty. This is some wholesome meal, thank you so much for writing…
David Rapp says
I love that the main point is that we create stress. I am so quick to blame stress, and my (mostly) bad reactions to it, onto the person or people in the same situation as I am. I mean, someone has to be at fault, right?
The second point in pulling back your emotions and controlling your responses is even more difficult. I can do it at work, but fail completely at home.
Time to get out the Mindfulness books for a refresher.
Mrs Kiron says
Thanks a lot!!!!!!.. Several of these points will be taken and printed out… Thanks Marc and Angel.
Thierry says
Excellent post again.
I think it is only your own experience which makes you realise that these strategies are working to lower your daily stress.
When you are in your early days of work experience, you are almost doing the opposite of these Strategies maybe to prove yourself that you exist and you have something to demonstrate to the company you are working for or even to the World as a person. That is why your daily stress is going up and up.
With age and experience you start realising that you cannot hold the World on your shoulders and then you have to relax a bit and then you start applying these Strategies.
I did experience this myself for the first 20 years of my career and have started applying these Strategies about 5 years ago. It seems to work as I don’t have any ulcer anymore and my gallbladder has been removed. I still live with stress but it gives me energy now. It turns the way I see things.
Amy says
You’ve really made my day! Thank you so much!