Take a moment to pause and remember who you truly are. Take the time to reflect on the things that have real and lasting meaning in your life.
Over the past decade, Angel and I have I paid more and more attention to the beauty and practicality of living a simpler life. A life uncluttered by most of the chaos people fill their lives with, leaving us with space for what truly matters. A life that isn’t constant busyness, worrying and stress, but instead contemplation, creation, and connection with people and projects we love.
By redefining our priorities, and building healthy rituals to back them up, we’ve literally been able to change our lives. And this is now a healthy practice we coach our course students though every single day as well.
Through our coaching, Angel and I have learned that the shift in mindset required for living a simpler, happier life is something many people struggle with. They become so accustomed to their lifestyle’s busyness, stress and drama that they actually identify with these disorders as being a part of who they are. This, of course, is not the truth.
The truth is, other animals make their livings by simply living, but as human beings we often associate “making a living” with working like crazy in the most hectic ways imaginable – filling nearly every waking minute of our lives with something that must be done. The busier we are and the more drama there is to chat about (online and offline) at the end of each day, the more “full” life seems… at least for a little while… until we crash and shatter ourselves.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed and stressed out a lot lately, it would be wise to rethink and rework your priorities.
This morning, after finishing up a call with a new course student who’s working diligently to simplify various aspects of her life and career, I’ve been reflecting on some of the key truths Angel and I live by, and subsequently pass on to our students, that have collectively had a profound impact on our lives. I’ve distilled these truths into twelve easy-to-digest quotations for you, in hopes that you may find value in them today…
- Overcommitting is the biggest mistake most people make against living a simpler life. It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with to-do list tasks or distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.
- The quality of your life in the long run directly depends upon how you set and respect your priorities today. And priorities don’t get done automatically. You have to make time for what’s important to you: time with your significant other, time with your kids, time for creating, time for learning, time for exercise, etc. Push everything else aside to make time. By saying no to more things that sound slightly “exciting,” you get to say yes to more of what’s truly important.
- Changing the world – YOUR world – doesn’t require earth-shattering feats, but rather doing little things with great love. Think simple, not spectacular. For instance, the best portion of your life will likely be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with the people who matter to you. So be present! There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good hug, a good smile, or a good friend.
- Sometimes life will not go as you planned. When this happens, breathe and remember that life’s richness often comes from its unpredictability. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. Be thankful to start from where you are now. Wishing for a different past will only waste your present. If you’re feeling down right now, each second that passes is another moment to turn it all around.
- Refill your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching up on sleep, making time for fun and laughter, eating healthy enough to maintain peak energy levels, and otherwise making time for recovery from the pressures of life’s unpredictability.
- Whenever you catch yourself thinking, “Things should be different right now,” take a deep breath. That’s not true and you know it. Because if it were true, things would be different right now. Stay present and focus on what you can create today. And tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
- As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there” somewhere else – as long as you think that someone or something else is responsible for your aches and pains – your situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the victim role – that you’re suffering even in paradise. Don’t do this to yourself. Be your hero, not your victim.
- The fact of the matter is, we are often our own worst enemies – and the biggest challenges we face are our own negative thoughts and habits, and our refusal to admit what’s not working well. Recognizing what’s NOT working in your life can be painful, yet it’s the key to shaping the life you want. By eliminating what’s not working, you give yourself the space to refocus your attention on what IS working, and exploit it to the best of your ability.
- The mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never did happen. But if you allow these thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into a nervous breakdown, into depression, and into defeat. Because you are what you think. And you can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking. A beautiful day, and thus a beautiful life, always begins with a beautiful mindset. When you awake each morning, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. Breathe onto the bathroom mirror, just to see how amazing your breath looks. The moment you start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you it will start to feel like one.
- Frustration and stress come from the way you respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude, and the frustration and stress is gone. Remember this! Even if you have a good reason to be angry and resentful, don’t. Channel your energy into thoughts and actions that actually benefit your life. (Angel and I discuss this further in the “Happiness” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative. There’s a big difference between the two. Regardless of what happens, the situation does not determine your response – YOU determine your response. And it never pays to get discouraged. Taking the next step and making positivity a way of life will help you restore your faith in yourself. Work through the challenges so you can gradually turn them into opportunities and blessings.
- The last six letters in the word “attraction” are “action.” If you want to attract positive changes into your life, you can’t only work on your internal world (your knowledge) – you must also take action (do something with your knowledge). And remember, you can’t lift 1,000 pounds all at once, but you can easily lift one pound 1,000 times. In repetition, your little actions have great power. You become highly skilled at whatever you do again and again. Every day offers you the opportunity to develop a ritual of success, regardless of how you personally define success. (Angel and I build tiny, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
All details aside… I hope you will make a magnificent day out of today, that you will dream courageously and live mindfully, that you will create something small that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the challenges you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your priorities, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.
Your turn…
Which point above resonated the most with you? And what else do you try to keep in mind to keep yourself on track? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Léa Dubedout
Michelle says
Number 12 resonates the most right now. Honestly, the small positive steps you and Angel have motivated me to ritualize into my life through your book, emails and course have turned my life around over the past 24 months. I was deep in a hole, and had been for several years, and it was the small, gradual changes in my daily rituals that changed everything for me. Number 12’s idea of “one pound at a time” is what it has been all about for me.
Thank you!
Marc Chernoff says
Michelle, Angel and I are truly inspired by your progress. Keep taking those small, manageable steps. 🙂
Jay J. says
Wow! I love this post. I’m not gonna try to choose a favorite point, as I think all of them have been relevant to me at various times in my recent past. I will however make an addition to the list that comes right out of your book. There’s a lot I love about your book being structured like a quick reference guide, but this particular quote is one I reference almost every day:
“Don’t define your intelligence by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have peacefully decided, “This needless drama is not worth my time.”
Marc Chernoff says
I’m so happy that quote resonated with you, Jay. Thanks for supporting our work.
Olga says
Nothing to add. Just wanted to let you know I truly appreciate these quotes. They’re excellent, and they’ve got me rethinking a few things about my present life and priorities.
Julie says
Thank you, I needed to be reminded of this, this morning! I write some thoughts down and pin them on my wall, and I will do so with a few of these! Best to all!
C says
One of your best!
Vish says
Your observations at number 10 resonate the deepest for me. It is very often my response to a situation that causes the frustration and stress. I consider myself to be my own worst enemy! (Your point 8)!
I have been following your posts for some time and find your words motivating. Maybe I can resolve to adjust my attitudes to reduce stress and frustrations in my life.
Thank you for your encouraging thoughts.
Maia says
Woww, I simply love it!! Love the whole article! Thanks, Marc 😉
Amy says
Great post, thank you for sharing! I really liked #4 and #6, they are points that I am just now finally starting to truly understand and live by.
E says
I’ve been reading all of the articles published here and I have never been grateful. I like everything that is written. It really gives me a totally different way on how to see things in life, of course, with all the positivities.
Today was not such a good day for me. Then I visit this page and this article about setting up priorities is just so on point. I couldn’t agree more. Your words are like, validating every single thing that I’m feeling right now. I’d love to keep it simple, but with unpredictable things that come along the way, somehow weakens me to control my emotion.
Nice article by the way. Really enjoyed reading it. 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
Thanks for the extra kindness and gratitude, E.
Riley says
Changing #1 & #2 via #12 is what resonates most with me right now. The quality of your content is excellent — & also the reason I signed up for your course. THANKS!
Emily says
A wonderful post!
Is anyone else receiving two copies of Marc & Angel’s emails? I’ve been getting duplicates of the past few newsletters.
Marc Chernoff says
Emily, I’m not sure why that would be happening. But I will look into this for you to see if you’re double-subscribed to our blog’s email newsletter for some reason. If so, I’ll delete one instance.
David Rapp says
I am really struggling with this list, because no matter what I try, it just seems to fail and get worse. Frustration starts with the first 10 minutes of the morning and does not end until I got to bed. There is no escaping it now. I feel totally trapped at work, at home and in most of my relationships. Its failure at all levels, and at this point, I do not know if its worth trying to save any part of it. At what point do you just give up?
Sorry to vent…but there is no place else to go….
Anne says
I understand how you feel. I also have felt that way. I am not sure if I have completely got rid of this feeling, but I am better. And there is no magical solution – you just have to shake yourself – you have to constantly think and rethink, that everything is not as bad as it seems. As soon as you have any negative thoughts, try to remember something positive – anything at all. Your first kiss for example, even if it was bad – don’t you remember it with a smile, no matter how it was? Or start singing your favorite tune – anything helps.
I had the same feeling for a long time, I wrote down what is bothering me – why I feel unhappy, and even – that I don’t wanna go on. And after that a different feeling came over, it felt like some part of the problems went away. Take a time to think – really think. You do have a job, even if it’s not your dream job, you still have it, imagine if you would not have a job – wouldn’t that be worse? Life sometimes f**** you over, I know, but there are people who really care about you, I know it seems hard to see that now. But just think about it. You have to realize that there is a reason to go on.
I am no coaching expert or a psychiatrist. But I really believe that you can help yourself feel better. For me – I still get these negative thoughts sometimes, but I try to replace them with positive ones, as wrote before – anything that makes you smile, anything at all!
Take care, David!
Brenda says
I am and feel the same exact way you do. I to feel like there is nowhere to go because everyday is that same struggle.
Marc Chernoff says
David, Anne’s response is a great one. The challenge is to be present, and let go of the drama that’s bringing you down. If you ever decide to jump on a coaching call with us, I’d be happy to listen to your stories, and then walk you through some strategies for dealing with the specific inner pressures and stresses you’re dealing with. Until then, please give these posts a read (or re-read):
– 4 Questions that Will Change Your Attitude (When You Can’t Change Anything Else)
– 9 Ways to Feel Less Stress When Life Gets Crazy Busy
– 12 Little Known Laws of Mindfulness (That Will Change Your Life)
Jane says
3 years ago my daughter was killed in an automobile accident coming home for the Thanksgiving break her first semester in college. This devastating loss brought me to my knees. Many times. My oldest daughter and I have struggled with the grief, our faith, anger, and subsequent depression. Losing my mother and 2 brothers at a young age did not prepare me for this loss. I guess nothing does…
What I’m trying to say is we have both been working diligently to deal with this loss and move on with our lives and your posts have given us courage and motivation. Thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
Sending prayers of strength your way, Jane.
Marjorie says
Number Six sticks today. Thanks so much!
stefany says
“The mind is your battleground, you are what you think”.
Wow I couldn’t find words to say it better. The mind is where all the positivity and negativity dwells. It is up to you to choose which one you are going to focus on.
Stephanie Hoover says
Number nine is really resonating with me right now. I am a single, divorced mother, and I am dealing with loneliness. I have tried dating, but have not met anyone who connects with me and is not afraid of my openness. At times this loneliness robs me of my peace and joy. I try to refocus and look at my blessings. I journal first my negatives and then my positives, and even how to turn the negatives into positives. Lately these issues are creeping in more and more, and I feel myself sinking into a depressed state. How do I change this!
Marc Chernoff says
Stephanie, have you read this post? : 5 Things that Happen When You Embrace Being Alone
I’m hoping it gives you some useful perspective. Also, have you spoken to a counselor or coach about your predicament? Doing so can be liberating.
Antoinette Adkins says
Wow so many great points here! I’ve been a disabled person since 9 years old and it’s so easy to let negative thoughts creep in and rob you of your joy and peace. Accepting what I cannot change is hard, but trying to fill my life with love helps me so much! Thank you for this reminder!
Minesh says
Dear Marc & Angel, can’t express enough, the kind of hope you generate. Thanks a lot.
Marc spector says
All of the points here are extremely valid and pertinent in my life. There is not one which doesn’t resonate with me. Good food for thought indeed. Thanks for the post!
Jacqueline McGowan says
When you are so tired and overwhelmed little steps are so helpful, and every step i take in the right direction is good. Some may laugh and think that’s not much, but i don’t care now – it stops that awful downward spiral and a tiny little move or change is better than nothing,.
thanks for encouraging us all
love,
Jacqueline
Thierry Oblin says
Marc,
Excellent post. I like reading post like this which makes me think about my work and life position as it is now.
It is helping me on a daily (almost hourly) basis on my way of thinking, my way of doing things, my way to react and behave when situations arise.
Point 11 is my chosen point if I have to pick one. Thinking positively does help me in almost any situation. I like to be surrounded by Positive and well minded people. It is refreshing compared to the vast majority of people who always find something to complain, even on the rain. I tend to tell them that they are lucky to have water around them and they can drink from the tap as they wish; there are other people who don’t have this privilege. That shut them down but they still go on and on.
Look forward to reading more post on that subject, not the rain but the Positive way of thinking.
Linda says
Thank you Marc and Angel for all of your posts loved this one. #7 is my down fall.
Karen Shatafian says
So many good points but one of my favorites is #9. The mind truly is our battle ground in so many ways. If we can reprogram some of the crazy, negative things we tell ourselves, the battle is almost won. I also love how in the end you say, “create something small that didn’t exist before you took action.” This is all it takes . . . a small change is still a change. Ans taking positive action will take us one step closer to a life we love. Great article! 🙂
Maria says
#3– It reminds me of a truth God impressed so strongly on my heart while spending time on a missions trip in Haiti. I wanted so badly to see “great” miracles– people being healed of disease, the blind seeing. One day while picking up glass on the playground where the children played, I had the strongest most tangible sense of God’s nearness and love. That small act WAS the “great” miracle; nothing was greater than loving others and serving right where we were, right at that moment.
Vanessa says
“You can’t lift 1,000 pounds all at once,
but you can easily lift one pound
1,000 times. In repetition, your
little actions have great power” resonates a lot…
No human is a superman, we just got to take One. Step. At. A. Time.
Life is a journey, not a destination.
Huge Shout outs from Nigeria. I’m addicted to your blog.
Sarita says
Love your posts! Loved the reminders of this particular one! Great job and please keep them coming!
Foxy says
Thank you. I have been circling in drama and feel close to a break down. It helped me to hear breathe stay positive. My out of control teen has been running our life. I need totaled care of my younger daughter and me in order to take care of my elder daughter. Looking forward to reading more encouraging words.
Eileen says
#8 (and 9 and 12)
Ultimately, anxiety may not disappear (I am not going to pretend) completely but its not fun being sad or depressed and letting the anxiety build up. You will get sick. Trust me. I hadn’t been sleeping till early in the morning and have a good amount of uncertainty and loneliness and a very bad virus hit me.
(COULD BE WORSE! Positive NOTE!) AND working on this gratitude mentally. Yes. Glad I have a place to live and while I can get frustrated with mistakes and wishing I could go back and make some better decisions, can’t go backward!
Life can be lonely but its also lonelier when you get sick (even a very bad stomach or sinus virus) and you are alone so take care of yourself.
On the other hand, those moments can awaken you and hopefully remind us that we are stronger than we sometimes feel because willpower to get stronger appears and maybe we can transfer that willpower in other moments and efforts. NO! No one is there to come bring you tea or feed your cat or clean the dishes when your head is ready to explode. Regardless, thank goodness it’s not worse, glad I could force myself up and brush my teeth and when feeling slightly better, put some lipstick on even if you don’t feel that great! OR whatever else makes you feel a little more alive!
I surely don’t ‘have it all figured out’ and am working on ‘it’ as in being more confident and lowering the anxiety. In addition, the big word above re: prioritizing efforts that will improve my life and efforts such as absorbing the advice of a successful friend that it’s smart to want to be independent but to realize its more efficient to realize you shouldn’t do everything yourself and its better to learn to have others help you with things. This could apply to all of all lives in different ways.
– NO, I can’t code my blog but someone else can help and its not worth the stress.
– maybe spending less time cleaning will give sanity and room to focus
– Is keeping a sick cat alive actually smart or driving me nuts and unhealthy and affecting my relationship with others. Is my life more valuable or the cats…?!
– NOT feeling guilty about things you cant change that will drain your mind and cause you to lose focus.
* I imagine others might have thoughts related to how they can prioritize too but I know I need to work on that.
Hope this is not too long!
– Eileen <3