by John O’Leary
“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.”
? Frances Hodgson Burnett
As a family, we never discussed the fire that burned down our house and nearly took my life. We endured it, survived it, and moved past it. We chose not to be defined by it.
That is, until my parents sat in the first row of a church on November 22, 2003.
Their oldest son, Jim, stood on the altar in a tuxedo, the best man for their younger (and better-looking) son, John.
Watching their boys together, with their four daughters as bridesmaids, and a gorgeous woman in white named Beth about to join the family, they realized something for the first time: The terrible fire from years earlier wasn’t the end. The tragedy we’d endured as a family decades ago had a happy ending.
The fire did not take away the life their little boy could make for himself. Contrarily, it led perfectly to this place, this church, this altar, this union, this day.
The therapy and surgeries and amputations and scars and challenges culminated in a blowout celebration. It was miracle upon miracle upon miracle…looking back over the last two decades.
At the end of the service, as Beth and I walked together down the aisle, my parents were overflowing with gratitude to my doctors, to their family and friends who supported them, and most of all to God, whom we credit with the miracle of not only my survival, but an incredible life just beginning.
Less than a week after my wedding, they were writing a book about their experience years earlier. It was their story as parents experiencing the devastating news that their son had been burned. It was their story about months of waiting-room anguish, support from the community, and a miraculous triumph.
In the early stages of their book writing, I was far from encouraging. I didn’t believe there was a story to tell and encouraged them not to dredge up the past. I offered my best arguments against it. Who will read your book? Why would they care? Do you guys even know how to use a computer? I suggested they keep the story in their hearts.
They wrote their book anyway.
They called it Overwhelming Odds.
They ignored my advice.
Jerks.
And in doing so, they changed my life.
Imagine this: the mask you’ve so carefully constructed to hide behind your entire life is removed. You know, the one that tells the world you’re fine, you’re all good, your kids are perfect, you have no problems, there are no addictions, no worries, no scars? Imagine that it is taken gently off your face, set carefully on a table, and smashed with a massive sledgehammer.
I felt naked.
But as I continued to read, I realized something else.
For the first time I understood that I wasn’t the only one burned in the story. For the first time I came to understand all that my family went through. My brother, Jim, was injured physically and emotionally. My sisters were prescribed sleeping pills because of witnessing me burning in front of them, and then there were the months of constant fear that they’d lose me for good. Oh, and my parents. My poor parents. As difficult as my physical pain was, the emotional toll on them was, in so many ways, much worse.
Not to mention our neighbors!
Imagine knowing that your story somehow galvanized a community into action. Our neighbors in the suburbs of St. Louis literally opened up their homes to my siblings as we waited for the house to be repaired; the community raised money, donated blood, offered prayers, brought food.
I had never fully considered all the people who came together to make the miracle a reality. And imagine, after reading the last page of your tragic story, seeing it differently, clearly for the first time. As if cataracts had been cut away, I understood, “Oh my gosh . . . it was all a gift.”
The fire.
The pain.
The fears.
The scars.
All of it was a gift!
The fire led perfectly to where I am today. The challenges led to experiences that shaped me, the character that drives me, the faith that guides me, the life around me, and to the possibility in front of me. No, it wasn’t always perfect.
But it was my life.
It was my story.
And it was time to claim it.
After reading my parents’ book, the scars that I had been covering up for twenty years were transformed into badges of honor.
The scars remained, yes. But they were there because the wounds had healed.
They were evidence of a miracle.
Covering them up denied others the chance to see them.
To question.
To connect.
To share.
To grow.
To live.
After I read my parents’ book, I turned the book over and stared at the picture on the cover. The picture of me as a kid with my scars and splints was still there. But now, I saw something I had never seen before. I no longer saw a little boy at the end of a journey he had survived, but instead at the start of one that he could not wait to begin.
Shifting my perspective on that picture from the past and the scars still present served as an inflection point that positively transformed my life. It shaped how I viewed the current reflection in the mirror, interact with others, and engaged in life. It elevated how I viewed current challenges and future opportunities.
My friends, we all have been burned. We’ve all endured heartache and letdowns. We’ve failed in business, stumbled in finances, tripped in relationships, and struggled physically. We all have a story. It’s just usually not the story we are telling the world.
In order to best connect with others, uncover our purpose and live up to the fullness of our promise, it is critical to embrace the scars of yesterday. No, we don’t accept them as horrible reminders of how lousy the past was and the litany of mistakes made. Instead, we wear them as badges of honor ? celebrating all we’ve survived, the lessons learned, the character developed, the faith fortified, and the litany of reasons we still to have to be grateful.
So if you want to embrace the one perspective that is certain to transform current challenges into opportunities, look no further than your past. For in it you’ll discover that every experience, adversity, and even tragedy has led perfectly to where you are today.
And today, with that perspective (regardless of whether or not you always intentionally chose the path you walked in the past) you are free to choose the manner in which you walk your path going forward.
This is your day to wake up from accidental living and embrace the gift that is your life.
This is your day to live inspired.
Your turn…
Can you think of a personal example of how your scars have strengthened you?
Anything else to share?
Please tell us about it. We would love to hear from YOU in the comments section below. 🙂
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Author Bio: When John O’Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now a #1 national bestselling author and inspirational speaker teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. This post is an excerpt from John’s first book, ON FIRE: The Seven Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life which was published in March 2016 by Simon & Schuster & North Star Way. You can learn more about John at JohnOLearyInspires.com.
Photo by: Joshua Earle
Pat says
I love how I often get a new M&A blog update in my email inbox right when I need it most!
And yes, this one is yet another excellent contribution to an amazing blog.
My 64 years of living has taught me that things have to go wrong in order to go right. Our scars often pave the way. I have dozens of personal examples, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
Thank you.
John O'Leary says
Pat – thanks for sharing and for ALL you do. We’d love to hear an example from your 64 years of experience if you feel like sharing! Have an awesome day. J
Jennifer Quigley says
Ugh! What a heart wrenching beautiful story. Thank you for sharing the two sides, from tragedy to gift.
John O'Leary says
Thanks for being here, for being open to the story and for ALL you do each day, Jennifer!
Fay D. says
This post made me cry and then smile. I am going through a lot right now. I’m 32 and life is just a mess from almost every angle: love life, friendships, work, and my sister is battling cancer. The past year has been the toughest of my life – everything has been going wrong. But I am always the happiest and most effective when I’m practicing the tips and strategies I get from your emails and happiness course…which I just started two weeks ago.
Thank you for helping me through.
xo
John O'Leary says
Fay, the best is yet to come, my friend. Be patient with yourself and in the most difficult times remember to keep focusing on what you are grateful for, what you CAN do each day and what is more important in your life. Thanks for being here and for sharing your story. J
Vishal says
“The wound is where the light enters you.” – Rumi
My family encountered a tragedy when I was 18. 18 is a mature age, but I behaved like I was 8, since my parents kept me protected. My mother hated my immaturity. But, by the time I turned 19, people said I had aged 10 years in one. The journey continued. When I was 21, friends said I had the maturity of a 27-year-old.
From a boy who had no friends to someone who now chooses them, I’ve come a long way. I don’t mean to brag, but people love how I can accept them for who they are – something I yearned for all my childhood. And it all stemmed from the tragic event.
Pain is a beautiful thing. It helps us evolve if, as you rightly said, we wear them as badges of honor instead of accepting them as horrible reminders of the past.
This is the story of one of the 3 biggest scars which strengthened me. Thank you for reminding me of it, Angel.
John O'Leary says
“The wound is where the light enters you.” – Rumi — THIS is one of my absolute favorite quotes. Thanks for sharing your story and for ALL you do, Vishal. You are a blessing. J
Kar says
Beautiful- inspiring. Always in perfect timing. Thank you!
Barb says
I look forward to your blog updates and I always enjoy reading the comments too. So heartfelt. Thank you. ????
Erik la Cour says
A good story and inspiring BUT the “and most of all to God,” is off. The greatest gratitude is towards the doctors, family, friends and your own body and mind to overcome the obstacles.
John O'Leary says
Thanks for your comment and calling out the great power of gratitude, science, family, friends and our own mind to overcome obstacles. I agree entirely with that, Erik. For our family, in reflection of our story and our beliefs, we’re certain there was something more than just these things in play…something supernatural…something that allows a kid burned on 100% of his body with no earthly chance to survive, to not only pull through…but to thrive long-term. Call it random universal luck, Source, Creator…but we choose the word God and remain grateful for our belief that miracles still happen!
sara mccudden says
I don’t like how you put “and better looking” at the beginning (perhaps it was a joke).
Otherwise, great!!!
John O'Leary says
It absolutely was a joke – but I should remember that it may not read that way to a new friend 🙂 Thanks for your comment and for all you do, Sara!
Jacqueline says
What an amazing testimony all round… so encouraging and uplifting, that out of all that adversity God brought so much good. I cried and thought how hard it must have been for that family and made me thankful for people who have carried my loads and helped me and given generously.
To the person who wrote this article thank you very much for your honesty and for giving us a better way at looking at trials in our own life, to look at things from a different perspective, it really has encouraged me,
thank you
Jacqueline xx
John O'Leary says
Thanks for sharing your gratitude, Jacqueline. It was my honor to share this excerpt from my book ON FIRE on Marc & Angel’s blog. Keep that encouragement and perspective and make it an awesome day! J
Liz says
When I was 14, I went through clinical depression for a few months. But when I got out of it, I was on fire. I was a better person. My potential was released and my life changed for the better. I saw the light at the endow the tunnel and I am glad that I did.
John O'Leary says
We are glad you did too, Liz! Thanks for sharing and STAY ON FIRE — everyone you meet will be blessed by it. J
Tere says
I was in an abusive marriage for many years. I was so beaten down emotionally that when we finally broke up I was devastated by the divorce. Within three months of separating I went back to school, got a job, and started my path as a single mom. Ten years later I have my masters degree, I learned a second language, I have a career, I am working toward buying my home, I am working a program for sobriety, I am in a new healthy relationship, and the list goes on. I would never have accomplished any of this if my marriage had not ended. What seemed like devastation at the time turned out to be a pivotal moment in what continues to be a wonderful adventure. I can’t wait to see what the next ten years has in store for me. Thank you Marc and Angel! I read your website every day and I have encouraged my friends and kids to do the same.
John O'Leary says
I’m so glad my piece resonated with you and that you shared your story, Tere! Congratulations on the chapter of life you are leading today — it sounds like a beautiful one. Live Inspired. J
Leah says
This blog fits me perfectly because my family has endured immense tragedy also. At a very young age I had a massive stroke while working in another state. Everyone had to fly out to where I was essentially dying in an ICU room. However, I SURVIVED! God is awesome.
John O'Leary says
Leah, thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have an amazing family. So happy you shared and that you are thriving today…stay on fire for life! – John O’Leary
Sameen says
Our dear God in his creation indeed made the whole beautiful garden to dwell with all the flowerful joy to bloom so as all the tears to water the plant ??
Very touching journey indeed .. And yes truth is always beautiful in every way possible .. Hiding is what makes us ugly.
Love the post Thankyou and love you!!
John O'Leary says
Sameen – “Hiding is what makes us ugly” — so true! Let your BEAUTIFUL story shine – thanks for reading, for sharing and for ALL you do. – John O’Leary
Dj says
Attitude, attitude, attitude! It brings home again how attitude makes the difference between wallowing in self pity or choosing to learn from experiences and move forward. We all have a choice to make with our approach to challenges in life. We all have them in one way or another. Choose your path. Don’t let life bully you into negative outcomes for yourself and others. This is evolution.
John O'Leary says
DJ – so true. I love how you focus CHOICE. You can’t always choose the path you walk in life, but you can always choose the manner in which you walk it. In my #1 national bestselling book ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life — I outline the 7 choices that I have found key to living a radically inspired life. Have a great day! J
Nancy says
An awesome inspiring story. Surviving the storms in our lives always makes us stronger. Whenever I am in the midst of a storm in my life I tell myself that there is something that I am not strong enough to bear and God is using this storm to strengthen me . Joy comes in the aftermath.
John O'Leary says
This storm is strengthening me. I will find joy in the aftermath.
WOW. THAT is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it, Nancy! J
dianne says
Love Dj ‘s comments, attitude attitude. I have had many struggles over the years from growing up in an extremely dysfunctional home to challenges as an adult. I thought I had a pretty good hold on things, was doing OK as I had overcome so much. Then I got hit with a physical problem that literally changed my world. Everything that I loved from walking to cooking and enjoying volunteering all had to be put to the side. I read about attitude and how it could change things but never applied it and I wallowed for a few months or more. After becoming sick and tired of the same old stuff I decided screw this, I am changing how I look at this. What a difference. I still am unable to be fully integrated into what I used to do but I can do something. I know over time I will eventually come to a point where these come back in my life but I don’t know to what extent. I have however changed my attitude about it all and suddenly the pain is not as bad. It does work
John O'Leary says
Beautiful comment, Dianne. Thanks for sharing your story. I would love to send you a copy of my book ON FIRE; The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life as a gift…I think it will serve you will during this inspire you to stay in this space where the pain is not so bad and where life is truly a gift. If you’d like it – email your mailing address to [email protected] J
Robert Bowley says
Great to read such an inspiring and uplifting story, John. I grew up with a fair amount of challenges and it has been my approach to these difficulties that has gradually shaped my life to what it is today.
Releasing the pain of past experiences has helped me to see each new experience with freshness and clarity.
All the best,
Rob
John O'Leary says
Rob, thanks for the comment and for all you do, brother! Have an awesome day. J
nihggy says
This really inspired me, it has lift me up more than I can tell. Thank you for opening my eyes once again.
John O'Leary says
Thanks for the comment and for being open to the message! Keep those eyes wide open, nihggy! It is a beautiful world. J
Jonas Salzgeber says
Inspiring story. I love the shift in perspective. It reminds me of trying to look at things as objectively as possible. I must not forget that.
thanks!
mirriam ndunge says
I love this. Thank you.
Erin @ Erin's Inside Job says
I’m in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction and I use my story to help break the stigma around addiction and show that this disease affects everyone. I speak openly about my journey to help offer hope to others and show them there’s a way out if they’re willing to work for it 🙂
John O'Leary says
Thanks for sharing and for all you do, Erin! Shine your light bright for all to see — the world is starved for it. J
Nora says
So needed that story; thank-you
Brad says
Wow. After reading article after article, trying to find something that would really ignite within me, this was the one. The entire time I read this I had goosebumps and tears running down my face. This resonated in such a strong way with me. Thank you so much for writing this amazing article.