PLEASE NOTE: This post has been updated with new information and supporting data and moved to here:
7 Assumptions We Need to Stop Making About Other People
Photo by: Tachina Lee
Practical Tips for Productive Living
PLEASE NOTE: This post has been updated with new information and supporting data and moved to here:
Photo by: Tachina Lee
Denise says
🙂
Marc Chernoff says
Congrats on the progress, Denise. You’ve worked for it, and you deserve the positive results you’ve earned. I love your sentiment too: life is far from perfect, but it’s pretty darn good. 😉
Ev Jones says
This post again reminded me of one of my favorite lines from one of Angel’s weekly email newsletters:
“Judge tenderly, if you have to. There is often a side of then story you have not heard, a chapter you know nothing about, and a battle waged that you are not having to fight.”
And I could not agree more with what’s said in both that quote and in the sentiment of this post as a whole. I used to judge everyone too quickly — and doing so held me back in many ways. But I’m over that period of my life — I’m doing my best to keep a broad perspective these days.
Marc Chernoff says
Glad that quote from our newsletter resonated with you, Ev. 🙂
Sammy says
Love it! M&A’s emails and corresponding posts never disappoint! Such incredible perspective all around.
I especially appreciated the part of this one on dealing with people who offend you. Needed that.
Izzy says
Beautiful post, and definitely something I needed today. I’ve been so judgmental of myself recently it’s started to affect the way I treat others. Both of which are wrong.
David Rapp says
Me, too! I try very hard to apply any lists like this to myself first. I have a long history of self-blame, so anything I can do to remind myself not to find fault or forgive myself is a good thing.
Marc Chernoff says
Excellent perspective. These principles can certainly be directed inward too.
Jaime Leigh says
What a wonderful post! All seven points are spot on! I would love to see more people doing #7 and #4: Stop blaming others and if someone disagrees with your point of view, it really is ok. Kindness matters for everyone. Thank you for such a great post!
Rochelle says
Ok, yes, all 7 are truly thoughts to live by.
Shirl says
Great post and I know everything you say in it is right BUT I have always had difficulties with people at work. And even at my age, 59, I’ve never known how to deal with it. For example I got my self a nice part time job in my mid 50s. But there was someone there (As there as always been in new jobs) who was being unkind, picking and finding fault where nothing was wrong, telling me not to do this and that when I was only using my common sense to make things run smoother and so on. Now I didn’t retaliate or anything but at the same time, I didn’t know how to handle my feelings re this persons behaviour and I didn’t know how to handle them either. So to be fair. I felt like I’d failed myself again. I know it stems from the relationship I had with my dad who was always critical and negative towards me, bullying me if I made a mistake. My reaction was either to back off or try and tell him my version of events but that got me nowhere of course. So now when I encounter this in a job, I fall apart inside, not knowing how to handle my feelings or the other person who is finding fault with me and being unkind and unhelpful. What do you suggest since I’ve never gotten over this. Thanks for listening.
Marc Chernoff says
Have you read this post of taking things personally? : https://www.marcandangel.com/2016/07/10/7-mantras-that-will-stop-you-from-taking-things-personally/
I think learning to detach yourself of other people’s negative behavior is a smart place to start.
Kelley says
In The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane she offers an interesting technique to dealing with rude people. (I’m paraphrasing here.) Imagine that each person you come into contact with is an Angel who’s been sent to teach you a lesson in some small way. So when a person is acting toward you in a rude/crass manner visualize them with a halo and large pair of beautiful angel’s wing unfurling out behind them and think to yourself what is the lesson I’m being taught in this situation? Patience? Assertiveness? Confidence? Diplomacy?
Hope y’all find that of use sometimes.
Marc Chernoff says
Interesting exercise. Thank you for sharing this, Kelley.
Anita says
Good morning Marc and Angel. I have a situation that is gaughing at me and I haveing a lot of difficulty with it. Our daughter passed away not quite 9 weeks ago. That in itself is hard enough. Our daughter was close to her aunt, my sister. Over the years a LOT of very upsetting things have happened and we choose to just not speak or come in contact with her or her husband. They have both been played their parts in too many negitive situations in our lives.
My sister was told through a friend that she was welcome at the Sevice but not in our home following the service. This happened 8 days after her passing and my sister was coming to our home helping and bring food. I was at this point not pushing anyone away! We both let the pass go for the moment.
My husband was afraid at the celebration of her life at our home she would start telling all of our friends and family that our daughters death was our fault. She was not above this in the past. At this point was when I asked a friend to let her know she was welcome to come and pay her respects at the service but please don’t come to our home afterwards. She chose not to come to either one. I understand how she must have felt and I am struggleing with how much she was helping in the first few days and then told not to come back. THIS is my struggle.
The evening of the service she started to text our son telling him how upset she was and how my husband and I have been going around for years telling lies about both of them.( My sister and her husband). This is so not true. The stories are bad enough in them selves. We don’t need to lie.
I understand her pain BUT on the night of our daughters service she tries to turn our only living child against us???? Really!? I want to go just blast her but I know this is not the right thing to do but I am having so much trouble letting yet another one of her moves go. Especially this on the day of our daughters funeral.
Any suggestions??
Marc Chernoff says
Look at the article I linked to in reply to Shirl’s comment above. I think learning to detach yourself from other people’s negativity is a good place to start. Easier said than done, of course, but read that post and give it a try.
Dr Neeta says
Appreciate your post. Very self informative.
I loved Mentally appreciate & hug them, very true.
Thank you to add values into our lives……
Stan says
#5 really hits home with me. Over the years, I have been victimized by trusting people so often that I finally got to where I didn’t trust anyone. I still like people, I just did not let myself be vulnerable. It has helped me to not be victimized, but it has also isolated me from close relationships, which is a result I was not seeking. I will start trying to trust others with small things, and perhaps when I see that nothing bad happens to me, I will start trusting more again.
In regard to dealing with people who offend, I try to always smile and be polite to everyone, even on days when I don’t feel like doing it. Sometimes when someone smiles back at me, it really makes my day. I hope I do the same for them. I do admit that some days the Serenity Prayer, and the Prayer of St. Francis are the only things that get me through.
Sandy says
🙂
Monica Lewis says
Thank you!!
Rachael says
” We can’t always see people’s pain but they can always feel our Kindness.” That pretty much sums it up right there.
Awesome
Jane says
We need to stop telling ourselves that people without children have more time & money. That people without children are selfish and don’t need our love understanding and compassion. They are fighting hard battles as well. And we need to stop telling ourselves that parents have the most work etc.
kagiso says
Just wanted to say thank you for sharing these thoughts. I appreciate it.
Thierry says
Marc
This is another good article to read on my morning when nobody has arrived to work yet. This is quiet and reading your article make you think. I like all the points especially #7. I am meeting so many people who are blaming all the time others and finding some excuses for them not being happy, successful, wealthy, … I have understood about 15 years ago when I started investing in properties that I was building my wealth myself and 15 years after, I have accumulated quite a reasonable Investment Property pool asset as well as family home. People are telling me: I would like to do the same, how did you do it? I just reply: Be educated and have the guts to do it. So don’t blame me for my success, blame you for not taking action in your life.
Look forward to your next article.
Mara says
Beautiful post like usual.
Love u M&A and … thank you!
Jonas Salzgeber says
#4 is what I want to work on. Great advice. thx!
Amelia says
🙂
Miriam says
🙂
Lauret says
Thank you so much. You guys are such amazing, awesome and great gifts to our generation. I love you both.
Heather Caliri says
This post so deeply reminds me of the quote, “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle.” It is ALWAYS worth it to walk in love.
Lorna De Jesus says
Thanks for the good advice, and now I know that it will take time for me to forgive and forget….but i will try my best…