The truth is not something outside to be discovered, it is something inside you to be realized.
This short article was inspired by an email we received this morning from a new course student:
Dear Marc and Angel,
I’m in my early forties and facing a troubling reality. I’m a nurse by profession and literally spend 90% of my time every day helping others, but somehow I’ve completely neglected myself in the process, and I’m feeling the pain for doing so. I feel like a siren has sounded inside my mind that I just haven’t responded to. I’m often anxious and miserable, especially on my days off. What should I do? How do I motivate myself during these hard times? Any insight at all would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Student
Our reply (an open reply to all who put themselves last):
Dear Concerned Student,
Once upon a time, many moons ago, there was a village of people who lived in handcrafted wood houses. And like other villages in this era, fires were a very real and present danger at all times. One small flame could burn the whole village into ashes within a few short hours. So the villagers developed a clever fire fighting system.
A rotating group of volunteers kept watch over the village from a lookout tower at all times, day and night. At the first sight of smoke, a volunteer would turn on a loud siren that was only ever sounded when warning the villagers about a fire.
The moment the siren sounded, all villagers would drop everything and run to a pre-assigned location for firefighting.
Young, strong men and women would pump water as fast as possible from the village wells, teenage boys and girls would fill big buckets with water as it was pumped up from the well, and all the rest of the villagers would occupy designated locations and ultimately form human chains leading from the wells to the fire. The bravest men and women would stand next to the fire and heave buckets of water until the fire was extinguished.
One day a traveler from a distant village heard the siren and asked someone on the street about it. The woman – who was rushing toward her designated location – quickly explained, “Whenever there’s a fire, the siren is sounded and the fire is extinguished!”
The traveler was amazed, and decided to bring this remarkable siren technology back to his own village, which also had dreadful problems with fires. Days later, he returned to his village with a siren that perfectly matched the one he witness in action on the lookout tower. He gathered all his villagers together, and he said, “You don’t need to fear fire anymore, my friends. I have found a new way to extinguish it. Watch closely, and I shall demonstrate.”
The traveler lit a large bale of hay on fire that was sitting next to his own cottage. The flames quickly began to spread closer and closer to his home. Then he took out the siren he’d acquired and sounded it. The fire only grew in its intensity, so he sounded it again. The fire continued to grow rapidly.
“Just be patient, everyone! It should happen any moment now…”
In a panic he sounded the siren again and again, but still the fire grew and blazed with even more intensity. Within hours the entire village burned down to the ground… because, of course, the traveler had misunderstood the purpose of the siren. It wasn’t used to put out fires. It was simply a signal that directed the villagers to take positive action.
REMEMBER:
There’s a lookout tower in your life too. In that lookout tower, the siren has sounded.
If you continue to do nothing when you hear the siren, your life, in many ways, will ultimately burn to the ground (dramatic, and true). For a siren extinguishes no fires on its own. But if you listen to the siren and let it motivate you to take positive action, you can save your own life… and create a sense of purpose, peace and resolve for yourself and those who depend on you.
The steps you need to take next won’t be easy, but they will be worthy. You will be one of the strong ones who know what it takes to fight and extinguish even the hottest fires that burn from within.
Truth be told, sometimes we have to learn (or re-learn) to be our own best friends, because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. We love the idea of being loved and listened to by others, but we forget to love and listen to ourselves.
It’s time to stop putting yourself last.
Make yourself a priority today.
Challenge yourself to listen to what your heart and mind is telling you.
Sincerely,
Marc and Angel
Afterthoughts… On Making Yourself a Priority
Resisting and ignoring your own feelings and emotions does not serve you. It leads to stress, illness, confusion, broken relationships, fits of anger and bouts of deep, dark depression. Anyone who’s experienced any of the above knows that these states of mind are horrifically unhealthy… and when you’re in the habit of self-neglect, it’s nearly impossible to escape.
Refuse to ignore your inner siren any longer. Refuse to neglect yourself. Choose to take up lot of space in your own life. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-care a top priority…
Choose yourself!
Here are a few simple ways to choose yourself today:
- Give yourself a break when you need one. – Show yourself some love by realizing that you can’t do everything for everybody in every situation. Do what you can, and do it with a joyful heart. Then breathe and give yourself space to recover. Refill your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching your breath, finding quiet solitude, focusing your attention inward, making time for fun and laughter, eating healthy enough to maintain peak energy levels, and otherwise making time for recovery from the pressures of life. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Passion & Growth” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Listen to your intuition and be honest with yourself about everything. – We cannot speak with integrity about a lifestyle we are not living. We don’t need more dazzling storytellers – we need more genuine ones. Listen to that inner voice. Confidence comes from knowing that what you’re doing is right, and that what you’re doing is right for YOU too. Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside to everybody else.
- Work on things that make you happy. – There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short. Invest in the activities (and relationships) you deeply care about. In the end, a good life is about making a good decision to do something every day that moves you. Care for yourself by doing things you care about! It’s a matter of realizing that there’s nothing selfish about self-care. Because we can’t give what we don’t have. You have to experience life on your terms before you can be truly life-giving to others. Build positive daily rituals that support your happiness. (Angel and I build positive daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
The bottom line is: People will come and go. Events will come and go. Day and night will come and go. But a sincere respect for yourself will always remain with you, if you nurture it.
So put these things on your TO-DO list today (and tie them to the points above):
- Spend time doing things that help you love yourself more.
- Spend time thinking about things that help you love yourself more.
- Spend time with people who help you love yourself more.
Repeat tomorrow.
Your turn…
If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from YOU.
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?
(Or tell us: What has the siren in your life been trying to tell you?)
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photos by: Martin Jaeger and Rafael Zwiegincew via Getty Images
Rachel says
Marc and Angel, I love the story. It certainly adds some interesting perspective to the import points that follow it. For me, it’s all been about your point #1. Last summer I knew something was wrong. I was exhausted every single day and as grumpy as I’ve ever been. My attitude was having an effect on my family and it wasn’t good. I forget exactly what I was searching for, but I found your blog and eventually enrolled in your happiness course with combined coaching. What you’ve helped me discover is that I’m not an unhappy person, just a relatively happy person who had the unhappy daily rituals. I’ve really learned to me more intentional about my time and focus.
I appreciate your assistance and the reminders you’ve written in this post.
Best,
Rachel
Anonymous says
I am currently in a serious crisis that is affecting my health. I’ve been told to take care of myself first, to love myself first but I never really understood what that ment until now. This was a powerful read but with that being said, still hard to do. Really don’t even know how. Thank you for this.
Nancy says
Al-Anon meetings will help you.
peter says
Excellent storytelling, Marc, and I deeply connect with the idea of listening to our inner sirens when they sound. Too often we ignore what our own hearts and bodies are telling us. Thank you for this short post! And thank you for your book too–I reference it often when I need a little positive mental shift.
Natalie Jennings says
Thank you for dropping this post in my inbox! Listening to ourselves and accepting ourselves is so vital. I’ve been lost a time or two in life, and I’ve found my way back by giving myself the love and respect I often search for from others. And doing so certainly entails the three topics you’ve mentioned below the story.
Keep the goods coming! 🙂
Ope says
Thanks marc and angel. Its been a while that i posted on this site.
Life really is somehow but with the presence of advice here, i am in love with my live, will, and all that is in store for me. Am sending my appreciation to u all including commentators like me.
Am a Nigeria is not easy but am where i need to be.
Love to all.
Ope
Gary says
I liked the story overall, but what really affected me was Afterthought #2. I have a friend who consistently lies to herself, and I can see that she is hurting pretty badly because of it. In fact, I’ve had to take a break from her. I wish I could help, but some wisdom can’t be passed from person to person; sometimes we all must find it on our own.
Anyway, I enjoy your interesting perspectives. Thanks again.
Melissa says
Your blog has given me vital tools just when I needed them. I am currently experiencing a life crisis that I never saw coming because I started listening to my own voice. I would like to ask about some individual coaching — or some way I can get some more of the information from the Think Better Live Better weekend.
I look forward to hearing from someone …
Melissa
shekhar says
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Rebecca Johnston says
I finally left a draining career last Monday; three days later on Feb 23 my son died. Life is truly too short to not live it your way, it changes in an instant.
Marc and Angel, I love your posts. One of the best was the one you wrote after disappointment. You felt crummy but still helped so many. Thank you.
sini says
Dear Marc and Angel,
This is an excellent reminder for people who forget to live for themselves. I too am a nurse in my early fourties and experiencing the same feeling of the of above mentioned nurse. This world can give only bitter experiences after absorbing our goodness. It is really hard to find peace , when facing such betrayal. So I am trying to understand that selfish ness is an essential component to be successful in this earth. First self , then others.
Sara says
This is exactly what I needed to hear today, thank you. I’ve been struggling with doing everything for everyone else, and feeling guilty when I want to take some time for myself. I realised this weekend that I was effectively putting my own life on a back burner because I was too busy helping family deal with their lives. I love them and I want to be there for them, but what you said has really resonated. I need to love myself too, and sometimes that will mean I have to accept I cannot do everything for everyone else.
Erik'Deron says
Wow wow wow what an on time inbox message. It’s just on time and it has hit the nail on the head, Marc! You can have such a way with words I almost feel as if I’ve written them myself. I am at this moment coming to the reality of self love. I have tried over and over again to be all what I thought others needed and yet I’ve recognize that I can’t get back the years I was lost and looking for love and care but most importantly I was not giving it to myself. I’m so done with the hurt others has left in my life the pain caused to me by me is just unbelievable. At this moment I choose Me thanks a great deal for this valuable gem of wisdom and truth .May you continue to be to an inspiration and sound voice for all those who may be in the wilderness looking for the safe haven.
Peace&Blessings
Beth McGill says
I love this story. I am a recently divorced woman that was finding it hard to let go. My ex-husband clearly did not want to be married. He cheated on me and told me that he loved me but was not in love with me. That statement ended our marriage. I was so depressed and lonely. I looked to an online dating site. I met several men that seemed like nice men. I will never do that again. All they want is sex. Anyway I just had to stop and gather myself and find ME. And right now I am happy to say that I am loving ME more and more. It is okay to be single. I love ME more than that.
Charlene B says
You are on your way Beth … you’ve recognized truth and the truth sets us free … you’re on your way!!! ?? ?
Stan says
I used to help others and put aside my own needs until I ended up being criticized by the very people I helped for neglecting my own things. When I finally woke up to this, and started making time to take care of my things, I was criticized again for not putting aside my needs to put them first. ( A real no win situation for me!)
I still help others, but I have learned there is a limit to how much I should help them, and how much I should let them help themselves. They may not like it, but they do adjust. Now that there is more of a balance in my life, I am much happier. There are just times we shouldn’t feel guilty about taking care of our own needs.
Unhappy says
That is the key word GUILT …I don’t know how to let go of the guilt for the damage it done to my children who are now adults. Always the what it’s. U set tome for me but so tired of being alone that I go back to assisting just to keep busy feel needed I’m 59. I hate the job I’m in tried looking at it in different perspectives that I’m helping others….I work in a call center and it’s so draining. Because my compassion if hurting people or those that people shrug off. I’m tired warn think of collecting social security at 62 but then I say to myself what will I do ? I get so depressed have a lot phone friends no physical ones to go places abd tired of going alone and I’m not a talker.help
Kat says
Ten years ago I refused to listen to my inner siren and I had a breakdown through overworking and feeling my life had no direction or purpose. Luckily my family took me in and supported me while I recovered. I stopped trying so hard to ‘find myself’ and just gave myself a break and listened to what I needed, I was too exhausted to think, so I did something nice that I enjoyed, that I hadn’t done for ages, I painted. That something nice turned into a career over time, I am now an artist and I do a little bit nursing to help me get by while I build my career, which I can do now knowing that its not my ‘everything’. I don’t feel the guilt I felt in the hospital before when I ‘helped’ people even though I had nothing to give at the time, now I give and feel grateful for everything I have, I think it makes me a better nurse too. Thanks Marc and Angel for keeping me centred on my journey, steadying me on tough days and reminding me how far I have come.
Carmen says
Hi Marc and Angel. I resigned last year after experiencing complete burn out. 4 miscarriages in three years without any break from work, a demanding and extremely stressful job and a work environment that left me in years everyday. After my last miscarriage I realised that if I didn’t get off this hamster wheel I was heading for something I wasn’t prepared for, so I resigned. The last 6 months I’ve been home, nursing myself back to health. Now it time to go back into the market, but I fear I will fall into old bad habits of putting work first. How do I prevent this?
Ann says
I can attest to the fact that the profession of nursing will suck the life right out of you if you let it. I have been a nurse for 25 years and have almost thrown in the towel several times. Besides wrecking my shoulders and knees, nursing has also taken its toll on my ability to regularly get good sleep. I wised up this year and got a job outside the hospital. I quit killing myself. I decided my life and health were more important. I now take time for myself every week. I stopped trying to please everyone else. I write, I read, I enjoy my passions and hobbies, I spend time with friends. Laughter and fun is crucial in life. Don’t neglect yourself. Nurses are people pleasers – please yourself first, before it’s too late!
Siobhan says
I’m also a nurse and I know what he’s talking about. A big lesson I’ve learned so far in life is that it’s very hard to help others when you’re having a hard time helping yourself. I lost my husband alost two years ago now and I let it break me. I went from being a wife and a mother and a nurse to just being a nurse. I was so lost and as much as I love being a nurse and helping people, I had to take a year away from it. I found it so hard to get up and help others when I felt so broken and didn’t know how to fix myself. Now I’ve been focusing on myself which I never did before and trying to take care of myself and become unbroken. I’ve gone back to nursing and found that I enjoy helping people even more now. You need a healthy balance in life. Some people think it’s selfishness, but once you start taking care of yourself taking care of others becomes much easier.
Julie Ross says
Bravo! Bravo! I am new to putting comments on your business, however, have been evaluating & reading your weekly articles for several months now to determine if I liked what you had to offer. I have become a huge fan of your blog as it resonates with all areas of my life; physically, mentally, sociologically & spiritually!
The deal breaker for me was how it is duplicative & edified by the intense training and work of Marsha Linehan. She is a well-known and highly trained clinical psychologist and author of many books & teachings. The most significant work of writing of the Manuels of the diagnois of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and, last, but not least, the effective healing modules of DBT ( Dialectical Behavioral Therapy).
I have also been an active class participant in the DBT Program at MAYO CLINIC SYSTEM-FRANCISCSN HEALTHCARE since 2010 which involves the blended expertise of highly trained & skilled therapists, nurses, psychologists & psychiatrists. It involves weekly 1:1 meetings with a Professor of Psychology at the University of LaCrosse UW-L & weekly group meetings. It involves a contract & high quality treatment Care Plans. The program prides itself on following the “evidence-based practices of Marsha Linehan.
Having said all that, it goes without saying that Marc and Angel offer tremendous help at a very affordable price & thier work is understated, in my personal experiences.
Today’s blog that resonates with myself are two:
1. “There’s a difference between “EMPTY FATIGUE” and “GRATIFYING EXHAUSTION”!!
2. “Create a life that feels good on the inside, not just looks good on the outside to everybody else”!!
Keep Up The Great Work!!
Julie Ross
La Crosse, WI
Charlene B says
Work on things that make you happy. – There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short…
that summed it up in a nutshell for me… so much so that those words “There’s a BIG difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion ” will find their way to my quote board today!!!
So simple and oh so true. ?? ?
Jacqueline says
Thanks guys for this timely wake up call, how can we help others if our own boat is sinking, years of people pressing my guilt button and people pleasing have made my life a misery, thank you for reminding us its not selfish to make sure your well and looking after yourself its wisdom and i have had to step back in my career in care work as they sucked the life out of me and sometimes we carers are often the hardest ones to be told to step back and heal and recover, thank you so much for re iterating this message to give us permission to love ourselves once in a while is a good medicine love Jacqueline
Laura says
Hmm. This article resonates and is alarming as one who is 62 and finally left an exhausting draining and humiliating position in nursing. Literally saving lives, but at a tremendous personal cost. I simultaneously was helping look after my mom with Alzheimer’s but came up against tremendous infighting with my sisters. Then a single friend with cancer died this year and I assisted him through his last 6 months. There was a good deal of unanticipated drama coming from a pathologic family member and some choices he had made in the past I had been unaware of until I became responsible for looking after his affairs. All said I feel I’d been involved in “rescue” work my entire life to feel worthwhile, safe financially and perhaps to avoid fear and anxieties about my own competency and being able to express my unique gifts. I became focused on a spiritual path about 8 years ago which reoriented my perspective toward opening my heart versus relying on intellect, but I did not change course enough to truly engage in life. I fear it may be too late. I was essentially forced to retire but relieved to do. The depleting negative job environment is no longer a concern. But the residual effects and my poor health has left me feeling ill without energy to deal with reorienting and restructuring my life. I’m very isolated. The people I’ve helped cannot reciprocate. My family are not connected or supportive. I didn’t expand my world feeling unable to do much more than survive working in a crazy environment, so there is little to fall back on now. I was initially excited about a “new” life but now I’m confused and scared about how my body and mind doesn’t seem to respond. My gut started acting up about 5 years ago…that was likely one of the sirens. Now my eyes are chronically inflamed and brain fog never really clears. If I exercise my brain and body feels horrible. Toxic. It’s scary. The medical tests, labs, colonoscopy and MRI all read as essentially “normal” so I’m trying to radically alter my nutrition. I fantasized I’d be happily relaxing, traveling, taking art classes, doing yoga and establishing new fulfilling relationships spending more time with family and friends in my retirement years. Now I’m isolated waking up exhausted and rummy just figuring out how to do the tasks I have to to get through each day and which doctor or treatment I need to pursue to survive. It’s exhausting and depressing to say the least. I try to lean on the faith and truth that the Universe has my back and all things work together for the good…but I’m wondering if the barn has already burned down….internal focus and self care is not something my co-dependent tendencies taught me. I get it in theory but so much water has passed under that bridge…i may just be too late to the table.
Betsy says
Oh boy, has this hit home. I have read what you wrote, and am working on ME, however, I find that having said that, I still crave the need of others. So many times I wish I had someone, another human being to be with, talk to, hang with, etc. I think I am ok with ME, but am so lonely. We all need a physical & mental connection with other human beings. I am trying. One day at a time. Agree so much with many of the comments. Thank you all.
Alison says
The whole story resonates with me. I have been guilty of ignoring my siren for so long that I had stopped hearing it. I am sure it was still there, but the monkey chatter in my head had drowned it out. I was so busy doing that I forgot being. I was so busy trying hard at everything else, that I forgot how to be me.
I am on the eve of my 4th week since the break up of my 4 year relationship (tomorrow would have been our 4th anniversary) and I have spent the last 2 weeks connecting back to myself again. I had forgotten how to sing, how to laugh deeply, how to even process the most basic of my emotions. I decided it was time for a crash course in being Alison.
I started listening to music again, singing and dancing in the car, laughing at pretty much everything, which would probably have reduced me to tears before! I started looking at myself in the mirror…I don’t mean looking and turning away as quickly as possible! But seeing me…and I realised that I am falling in love with myself, for the first time in a very long time.
I had been chipped away at for so long that I truly believed I was worthless. My self-esteem had hit rock bottom, my confidence was non existent. But all that is changing…in the space of two weeks I reached out to a therapist and have had my first ground-breaking session. I have started looking at my life and working out where I want to go, and what journeys I want to take. I have started saying no to things that no longer serve me and just plain exhaust me. I have started seeing each day as a possibility, rather than something to get through. I make a point of doing something I love every day. Even if it’s small.
Sure I have tough hours, but whenever I do I remind myself that it is good to feel sad, it is good to feel emotions, it means I am healing. I would rather feel that sadness than the gut wrenching loneliness I have felt for so long.
So, yes. Now it is time to heal and be whole. Now it is time to celebrate my new life. Now it is time to love life again. And you know what? I truly, deeply, passionately am doing.
Love and blessings.
Lea says
Beautifully said, Alison. You’re a great writer – very inspiring! Good for you and I hope you continue down this path of amazing self discovery!
Nicolette says
Hey, This blog is simple speaking of me. Am also a nurse aid , finds it easy, very easy to help others but the hardest to help me. I procrastinate, feel frustrated, unhappy, easily distracted, gets little sleep, divorced over a year, not in a relationship , easily distracted etc. I have the desire to write a book but needs the strength and motivation.
Roger says
This came at just the right time. I have been struggling with a decision about if I should help a past client. He always seems to under fund the project and expects miracles for dimes instead of investing in his dream what it really takes to do it well. I end up caving because I love the idea, I see the need, but I just can’t deliver that quickly for that price. Every time I do I end up with a ton of stress to deliver sacrifice my family, my health and the dreams and visions that GOD has placed into my heart. Yes part of the vision is to help people with this product but it is not mine. I have little control over it and while the money would help right now, as I always justify it, it will only bring hardship at this moment. Ah the courage to walk away and trust. This is what I must do. Listen to the siren and put out this fire of fear and hope for future gain which only leads to suffering. Thanks
Betsy says
I know I already said something, but reading all of these comments, and realizing that there are other people that feel the exact same way as me, well, is comforting to know. It is good to know that we all are different but the same. Peace and love.
Thank you again fellow commentors.
Thank you Mark & Angel.
PK says
Sometimes wisdom finds you when you need it most. Thanks so much for this perspective. I’ve been struggling with talking to a family member who has moved onto my couch with his two dogs without really asking, and seems content on staying indefinitely. I have been a stressed out wreck because my entire day-to-day life has changed to accommodate him. It’s only been a week, but this would have kept on until I snapped and kicked him out, probably many weeks from. Then I would have felt guilt-ridden for being selfish and emotional. I’m going to take action now, and save myself the agony and stress.
G Angela says
Beautiful and extremely inspiring post, I enjoyed reading every bit of it and could see how it is so very relevant. Thanks for sharing your insights, I am glad to have learnt to focus on my own needs and in the process of recovery.
Thanks Marc&Angel for sharing this post !!
Amy says
“Show yourself some love by realising that you cannot do everything for everyone in every situation”.This statement is really thought provoking. Thanks a million!
Anonymous says
Well yes. This weekend I was just SO TIRED and just went out and bought meals to cook for myself. It was difficult for me to admit that I did not have to slave away and exhaust myself more. Wonder why? We would certainly tell our best mates to take a break and take care of themselves so self care is going to be top priority for me (and it takes a LOT of convincing myself to do it too!)
Barbara says
Powerful words that will take great strength to follow. I hear the siren. My inner voice is telling me to stop and re-evaluate my relationship but it is very hard to be honest with one’s self. For to be honest may mean to walk away and leave behind the one person who I thought would save me. Yet if I am honest with myself I would acknowledge that I am losing my self respect just trying to stay. Thank you Marc and Angel for making me take a hard look at myself.
Javeria Ameen says
Very beautiful and inspiring. The best part is that you guys address the issue so genuinely and in a simple way.
Liz French says
I have been a care-taker for more years than I have had my own life. I tried at one point to make myself important and did pretty good for about 4-5 years. Then I had to have back surgery and got out of shape – now I just don’t know where to start… :'(
catherine says
This really struck a chord with me. I have a lot to be grateful for, a home I worked hard for and enough money in the bank and have at last found a job that I love. I moved back here some twelve years ago after my mum emotionally blackmailed me with a suicide threat and I still held out hope that I could have a relationship with a father who had never been around. I ended up seriously ill and started to wake up to how toxic my family are to me.
Where I live is beautiful but I am lonely as hell and have been single for nearly three years. All my friends have either left and have families or live overseas or both! I don’t have people to hang out with, do things with and I feel like I am dying inside and that I will die unless I do something but the fear, not knowing how or where to start and feeling like I have left it all too late mean it is easier to help others just to feel needed and wanted. Now that I have found a job I love here has made the decision harder in some ways! Does this make sense to anyone. I’m sat here again on a Saturday night with my dog and 43.
Sindy says
Hi M&A,
Your post has stuck with me this week because I often try to take the lessons and try to apply them to situations in my own life. I am single at the age of 37 after going through a very turbulent marriage. I know there are those who care about me and want me to find happiness again but everything happens in its own time. I might be waiting for the promises of love letters etc but if that doesn’t happen it’s never too late to pick myself up and start over, as difficult as it would be.
In my opinion though, the traveler in your story needs to focus on the ignition source and recognize that what he needs to do is let the villagers know that the power to extinguish the fires lie in THEM. I’m sure they would have tried other things in the past, but unless they recognize the means, nothing will ever truly work and everybody winds up going around in endless circles. Maybe they can even make it into a game where the ultimate prize is the thing most desired by the participants but the winner can only qualify if he fights a clean fight. The ability to set the criteria would lie with them and the winner is the one that outs fires even ones that they aren’t responsible for and those are the ones who will have what it takes. Once you know about it, it becomes your responsibility to fix it, This is perfectly acceptable for those in charge to set the cultural criteria in their own village.
Meanwhile I took so long to write this because I’m angry at a friend for not heeding my warnings over the past few months and now asking me to do something about it! Jeez, why does he do this to me?
TFL Roger says
So, yes. Now it is time to heal and be whole. Now it is time to celebrate my new life. Now it is time to love life again. And you know what? I truly, deeply, passionately am doing my best. 🙂
Sarah says
I don’t think I’ve ever read such an honest and more beautiful post before. I’ve just discovered Marc & Angel, I will definitely be back to read more from you guys! Keep up the great work, Sarah x
Press Tebu says
Excellent storytelling, Marc, and I deeply connect with the idea of listening to our inner sirens when they sound. Too often we ignore what our own hearts and bodies are telling us. Thank you for this short post! And thank you for your book too–I reference it often when I need a little positive mental shift.
mesin pembuat mie says
Well yes. This weekend I was just SO TIRED and just went out and bought meals to cook for myself. It was difficult for me to admit that I did not have to slave away and exhaust myself more. Wonder why? We would certainly tell our best mates to take a break and take care of themselves so self care is going to be top priority for me (and it takes a LOT of convincing myself to do it too!)
Noodle Machine says
Very beautiful and inspiring. The best part is that you guys address the issue so genuinely and in a simple way.
Julia says
My hardest part is I’m a special education teacher by day and a co-parent for a special needs child with serious health issues by night. I’ve been doing this so long I don’t hear sirens anymore. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia, asthma, migraines, diabetes and panic attack disorder. I live on making a difference in others lives. We sleep with a monitor by the bed in case our child has a leak in her ostomy bag or distress with her stomach or cramps in her legs or any number of other things that may come up. She has cerebral palsy and last year had 4 open belly emergency surgeries on her belly due to crisis with her large intestines. If we don’t tend to venting her stomach through her Mickey button she could lose her small intestines and be fed by IV the rest of her life. My partner has issues she is dealing with plus she deals with my child’s issues all day while I’m at work. When I come home we barely have time to talk much less anything else. There is laundry, the house, take out the garbage, feed the dogs and cats, pay the bills, groceries, etc to deal with.. I have a caseload of 25 students, a large part of which have emotional disturbance. This year it seems I can’t teach due to constantly tending to discipline and emotional needs of those students. My co-workers and I are so exhausted that after school we go to one teachers room, sit and stare at each other, sometimes bounce ideas off each other before we go our separate ways to write IEPs, behavior intervention plans and respond to numerous emails. Those are my friends, no time for any others. All I want to do after I put my child to bed at night is go to bed, watch television that makes me not think of any one of the people in my life that may need me then sleep a few hours before I get up at 4:30 am and start all over again. How do I listen to my own siren when everyone else’s is going off? I can’t hear my own.
Andrew I. says
Such an important topic to talk about. In my case I was amazed after finding out that I was fully responsible for putting myself last and I was the one responsible for not taking risks. I felt as if it was people who were putting me on the bottom of their priority list by not opening up to me, which is why I had never made an effort to create good relationships but deep down I had myself to blame, for not being more outgoing. Making myself a priority does not necessarily mean dissing other people (as I used to think before), it is about making myself a priority while inviting others to join me in this journey of self-exploration and goal-setting. This is why I recently created my own blog in which I talk about topics like this. I also just started reading your content and look forward to some more!! Thanks for the good tips.
Andrew I.
Ron says
The third point really hit home. “There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion.” It was sort of an ah-hah moment. It’s exactly what hit me last year and motivated me to change my direction. I was spending all my time doing things that lead to “empty fatigue” and little else. I still have to do some of those things (don’t we all), but for the most part, I’m doing things that make life worth living for. “Gratifying exhaustion” never felt so good!
William Lambi says
Yes, Really inspiring for me. This makes me more confident about what i am doing.
Thanks for sharing such great post.