Once upon a time, a young man and woman met, gazed into each other’s eyes, kissed, and knew for certain that they were supposed to be together forever. In the subsequent days, weeks and months everything fell into place just as they had anticipated. He was perfect in her eyes, and she was perfect in his.
Oh, it’s the majestic harmony of young love! When two souls who barely know each other believe they know everything that they must know to live happily ever after in their own blissful bubble. They think this way because it’s what their emotional hearts and minds tell them is true at the moment.
But you know what happens next. It’s what always happens next in contrived fairy tales like this. For one reason or another, logic trumps emotion, their bubble bursts, and the two lovers tumble back down to Earth, bruising themselves along the way and realizing that their perfect, easygoing partner isn’t so perfect or easygoing after all.
Maybe he learns that she doesn’t like to dance, and dancing is extremely important to him. Maybe she learns that he never makes the bed, and making the bed is extremely important to her. Regardless of the specifics, our lovers are finally beginning to see each other for who they really are—imperfect human beings. This is the turning point at which “falling in love” ends and the real work and test of true love begins.
Either their mindset adjusts and they accept reality—that true love isn’t so much about ease and perfection as it is about growth and patience—or they give up and move on to the next short-term fairy tale romance in hopes of finding that one easygoing, perfect soul mate who does everything just right.
Why am I telling you this story?
Because the fluctuating feelings that steer our romantic relationships are quite similar to those that steer our motivation to make a meaningful impact in our lives, and thus a meaningful impact in the world. A little passion is all that’s required to start, but only sustained perseverance makes it worthwhile.
Sure, short powerful bursts of effort and seemingly giant leaps in a single bound appear to be remarkable. But they fade as fast as they arrive, and all we’re left with in the end is an unfulfilled void, an empty promise.
An enduring dedication—fulfilling promises by marching forward with one foot in front of the other, even when the going gets tough, and even when it would be much easier to give up—is what true love is all about. And it’s this kind of love, and only this kind of love, that can make the world a better place, and us stronger, healthier, and happier human beings in the long run.
A real-life, heart-wrenching example…
“I’m dying of Leukemia at age 23. I was sent home from the hospital for my final few weeks 156 days ago. But now I’m back at the hospital being treated again. My doctors now believe there is hope. And I just want to thank you and Angel, because your Getting Back to Happy course has been my single source of guidance and inspiration on the absolute hardest, loneliest nights.”
That’s the opening paragraph of an email Angel and I received recently from a course student named Susan (I’m sharing this with permission). Susan’s words continue to remind me that harsh circumstances will occasionally break us down to the lowest of lows. But if we keep our minds focused on the positive, our hearts open to love, and continue to put one foot in front of the other, we can recover the pieces, rebuild, and fight back with more strength and determination than we ever imagined possible.
Susan has literally been fighting against all odds, and gradually overcoming them! It has been incredible to witness her progress firsthand through our phone and email communication. Day by day, she has emotionally freed herself from some of the ideals that once meant a lot to her—like not being ill—so she can move beyond them and the pain they bring. This has ultimately contributed to the progress she’s made and the renewed hope her doctors now have.
Think about how this relates to the “enduring dedication” I mentioned in the first story above.
And, think about how it relates to YOUR life…
Your response is always more powerful than your circumstance. A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses.
The goal isn’t to get rid of all your painful thoughts, feelings, and life circumstances. That’s impossible. The goal is to follow in Susan’s footsteps, and change your response to them today!
It’s never too late. Just decide to make the best of it. No excuses. No resistance. No giving up. No regrets.
And when the going gets really tough…
…remind yourself:
- In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become; it’s the legroom for the fairy tales you’ll tell yourself in the future about what could have been.
- There is no success without unrelenting love. Love is the foundation of human progress. Don’t give up on it. Instead, love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most.
- Putting in extra love and effort—doing the hard things—is always worth it. Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.
- The most powerful weapon against immediate stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. Train your mind to see the silver linings. Positivity is a choice. The happiness and effectiveness of your life in the long run depends on the quality of your thoughts today.
- Being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative; it means overcoming the negative. There’s a big difference between the two, and it all starts with your thinking.
- Life will take things from you, and give things to you, gradually and continuously. It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Do your best to embrace life’s uncertainties as they arise. Some of the best chapters in your life won’t have a title you feel fully comfortable with until later. Don’t give up too soon.
- The petty drama of an average day doesn’t need to get the best of you. Be selective in your battles. You can’t control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever they are going through at the moment, which has nothing to do with you. Just keep doing your thing with as much love and integrity as possible.
- When your marriage, parenting, faith, etc. gets tough, it’s not an immediate sign that you’re doing it wrong. These intimate, intricate aspects of life are toughest when you’re doing them right—when you’re dedicating time, having the tough conversations, and making daily sacrifices.
- Hard situations build strong people. You may have seen better days, but you have also seen worse. You might not have all your wants, but you do have what you need right now. You woke up with a few aches and pains, but you woke up. Your life may not be perfect, but it is good. And more good things are coming down the road as long as you keep moving forward.
- Inner strength, courage and love don’t always sing out loud. Sometimes these qualities are merely embodied by a deep breath and a soft whisper at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try my best again tomorrow.”
Now, it’s your turn…
Angel and I have spent the past decade working with hundreds of coaching clients, course students, and live event attendees who struggle with everything we’ve just examined together in this article. And we struggle sometimes too. So, if you’re struggling in any way right now, please know that you are not alone. Just keep doing your best to love every step openly and continuously—to do the hard things you need to do—so you can step forward again with grace. Watch this short video clip we created for you:
And if you’re up to it, we’d love to know:
- Which part of this article (or video) resonates the most with you right now, and why?
Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Jamie says
Thank you for sending me the email to this post this morning. I feel like I read it at just the right time. The underlying principle you mention of doing the hard things, even when the going rough, is the reminder I needed today as I attempt to reconcile things with my husband who I am presently separated from. We were that couple you mentioned too—blissfully in love until we weren’t anymore. There are faults on both ends, and it’s easier to walk away and deny the issues than it is to reconcile them. Thank you. Also, I attended your conference in San Diego last year, and I was wondering if any new details were available for the 2019 conference, as I’d like to attend again.
Jaquette says
Your course student Susan’s story! Wow, M&A! 🙂 That reminds me of my own little brother’s story. He fought a long battle with cancer as a child and won. He’s now a healthy 33-year-old man with two children of his own. Thank you for sharing that story and reminding me of my own family’s miracle.
Vic says
I agree with what Jamie already said. Doing the hard things that must be done, especially when times are hard…it’s so important. Giving up on yourself is not an option. Giving yourself another chance by taking the next smallest possible step, is.
Thank you as always for a heartfelt read. I also love how you’ve been embedding short clips from your annual live event. I attended a few years back and you’re inspiring me to attend again. Such a life-changing experience for me! 🙂
Shah says
Wow. We do fall in love with things we never thought we would come across. Some beautiful statements—truly touching. The older i get i do try to smile about the idea that everything happens for a reason. As there was a time, or actually I should say their are times, where all i think about is why certain things in my life happened. But these articles are so precious in the perspective they give, and i hope to reread them many a ties and keep them in mind. Thank you.
Nadine says
I’m going through a tough time at work. On the verge of giving up, I stumble upon this. Thank you.
Seneca says
“that true love isn’t so much about ease and perfection as it is about growth and patience” – this is so profound and how you drew correlation between true love between lovers and doing what you love, which is create positive impact in the world is so so so powerful.
One who has a purpose, a true purpose, in life will not give up on that purpose just because of setbacks; it is much like true love, something worth fighting for. Thank you again for the brilliant article Marc and Angel. I’m going to work hard and hopefully one day create a post as impactful and helpful as the ones you produce.
Perla Milner says
Another day with your inspiring wisdom?Thank you both for always making a difference to so many of us…?
Monique says
Wow I really needed this today thank you.
Jeff says
Most days I open my eyes, get out of bed, get dressed, eat breakfast and leave my house by 7am to go run my little ecommerce business that I was able to buy almost one year ago now after a lifelong career working in corporate America. Most days I feel blessed to have the opportunities that I have. Most days, I also feel very very lonely, and very sad and struggle to find joy in what I do and in my life. This constant struggle is exhausting but is made less painful by reading the daily does of encouragement and refocusing that comes from Marc & Angel’s daily emails. Like a breath of fresh air I lean on you two to keep me looking forward while looking inward to make sure my compass is pointed in the right direction. Life doesn’t have many instant fixes but knowing others grind like I do and having a source of inspiration some days makes all the difference. Thank you for what you do!
Ann C says
Jeff, I read your post and wondered if there are any support or networking groups for small businessmen/women like yourself? It might be just what you need to not feel so lonely or sad. Supporting others going thru the same things helps. If there isn’t any groups, maybe you could start one!
Danny M Reed says
I’m Divorced after 27 years of a very difficult marriage.
Natalie says
Congratulations love. And God bless you. Now, channel all the love you’ve ever given out back to yourself. You deserve it all.
All the best.
Juana Gonzales says
So refreshing to read how life can be what we choose to make of it.
I’m 60 and since I became a mother at age 21 my life changed dramatically when I decided to raise my kids alone to protect them from my bad relationship with their father. I gave up! Yes, but sometimes is the best you can do and probably in some circumstances is the love to your kids that empowers you to find the strength to walk the path to freedom. That walk sometimes I had to remind myself, it won’t be perfect but I’ll do my best. I chose to love.
Jainey says
Juana..you go girl! You knew what you had to do, you focused on the kids…I applaud you!
Patrik says
Number 9. Hard situations build strong people. This helps a lot, when I keep this on mind. I don´t know who, but someone famous once said:
I never meet someone successful, with easy past.
So when we are struggling, and overcome this, we are on a right path.
Kay Alina says
#7 was very helpful after yesterday’s surprise. I asked a manager of one of the sober living homes to make sure all the bedrooms were cleaned up because I have an appointment with a realtor on Tuesday to see the house. She, without clarification or permission, then told everyone in the house to pack their things and they’ll have to move. ??? I reiterated three times that the house is not sold, I never asked anyone to move, and the appointment is to get a valuation. People can be very strange. Cleaning up an emotional mess is one of my least favorite things to do, but I’m grateful I now have a backup person and next possible manager who was wise enough to call and seek clarification and understands the issue.
Ann Quevillon says
Your video is superb- quick, powerful message, repeated with encouragement. I’ll be forwarding today’s post to myself, every day, because I need to experience that video daily, until I gain traction.
Ronda says
A re-Marc-able and Angelic article!..Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I woke up this morning stuck in the doldrums of my personal sargasso sea. I did not want to take the tedious steps needed to fill in those gaps between my powerful burst of efforts and giant leaps in a single bound. Your words of insight has put wind in my sails to escape the current morass.
no. 7…a reminder I also needed at this time. Petty daily dramas were getting the best of me. Emotionally, I was feeling like a fly stuck on the fly strip of aggravation. I needed reminded not to personalize other’s actions because I have no idea what they are going through at the moment.
no.8, Great, just because it’s rough does not mean it’s wrong.
I absolutely love no. 10! I guess that I considered myself failing when I don’t feel on top of things. You have reminded me this is false.
I’m so glad I read you today! You have given me the ammunition to fight today’s battle!
Sushma says
Thanks a lot.
SIMA GRZYWACZ says
Right now what resonates with me is the insight that what people see in each of us has much to do with what they are going through and less about us…
That’s really a great thought!
Thank you for the continuously good articles and essays.
Keep up your wonderful sharing.
Ann says
I’m trying on a daily basis to overcome what “pulls” me under.
I appreciate these uplifting stories and having the support through them.
Jessica says
Your message is a blessing to me today! I’m deeply hurting as I raise my two boys ages 12 and 14 in this tumultuous world. I pray I’ve given them a strong enough foundation. It’s so hard watching them quickly grow out of being the sweet, innocent children they once were. There is so much outside influence that I feel I can’t compete with. I wish we could just live “off the grid”, but I know that’s not possible at this time. Thank you for your positivity. Much needed today!
Ann C says
Jessica, the fact that you are concerned gives me, and hopefully gives you, hope and encouragement that you are doing a good job. I worry more about those who are over confident that they have done a great job and then are surprised when the police or school call.
Hang in there and keep the communication flowing. You are in my prayers.
Paulette says
Thank you for uplifting my spirit as I’m feeling like giving up my search for love and happiness…
Jan says
This message is so profound for me… it’s just what I needed to hear at this point in my life. I thank you so much! I will keep it and read it again as inspiration in the future.
Jackie Alexander says
This was so awesome for me. I’m 56 yrs old and feel as though I now have to stop and figure out why I keep going around the same mountain of pain. I’m so ready to do the work and I realize it starts with me and my thoughts. Thank you so much for the inspiration. Need to get your book and invest in your class. I may have missed this information so please reply to me on how I can get started. Thank you
Bee says
Well, the love story you told sounds like what happened in my last relationship. I saw his flaws early and, as much as I wanted to run away like I usually did, I stayed because I believed I could look past them but, they came back to bite me hard. I was 7 months pregnant and his “flaws” caused him to seek out other women on a dating website. Although he stands that he never physically cheated, the pain was so real. I ended the relationship a few months after giving birth because I finally processed that incident plus the other things I looked past time after time in order to maintain our relationship but, I just couldn’t look the other way and “fight” through the hurt that I was constantly being dealt. Love shouldn’t hurt like that. I really and truly loved him but, he let me down so many times yet I continued to run back into his arms. Now that I have a child I can’t risk wasting my time and my love on someone that took me for granted and took advantage of my repeated willingness to forgive.
Joanne says
Hold strong to your convictions. You have all the love and support from the women who have experienced what you have gone through and came out stronger. That child is the most precious thing and you were chosen to be his/her mother so that you can teach and share your love. And you will receive it back ten-fold. So don’t look back. Something good is waiting for you down the road.
Onoja says
Nice read! Inspirational.
Hannah says
I know that hard situations build strong people but where I see most people struggle is the time to see that you are a strong person. I feel like I am getting stronger though a lot of people don’t see my progress. However, if I see my progress that is all that matters, right? I liked this article a lot. You should do an article on finding your way back from a traumatic situations. How not to live like a victim and how to start living like a survivor.
Christine says
You’re such an inspiration and always there to lift me up.
I’ve been going through a very difficult time and wonder what the purpose of it is, but I read your words and suddenly I feel lighter! Thanks you
pumla says
Wow so needed to be motivated in this level as I’m always avoiding hard things but as of today those are the ones I’m going to confront, I know it won’t be easy but worth it at the end.
Joanne says
Your writings have always been an inspiration to me as I can apply them to some part of my life. My take away today is not to give up, keep trying and moving forward because some good is waiting for me down the road and I don’t ever want to miss it.
Som Tripathi says
I loved your work! I truly believe that it is always worth putting in the effort for something you wish to achieve.
I found this article quite uplifting. You reminded me of the last few lines of Robert Frost’s poem,
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep
-Robert Frost
It just motivates me to work even harder. Thanks for great content.