The New Year means nothing if your mind is still boxed up in its comfort zone. You know this is true. Don’t live the same year 90 times and call it a life.
And don’t just think outside the box in 2019…
Think like there is no box.
Open your mind!
How?
Start by asking yourself better questions.
Questions that break you away from all the comfortable distractions in your life, so you can refocus your thinking on what matters most…
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(And what should everyone be able to say before the end of 2019?)
A Slightly Deeper Dive into Self-Questioning
As I alluded to in the intro, the questions you ask yourself on a regular basis can determine the type of person you become. Self-questioning, when leveraged effectively and consistently, gradually frees your mind to focus on what matters most. This process is something Angel and I have successfully guided hundreds of our coaching clients and course students through over the past decade, to help them cope with the various debilitating sources of stress that were holding them back.
If you’d like to better cope with the stress in your own life in 2019, I’ll give you a few bonus questions to consider. Unlike the questions above, which focus on the big picture of what’s important to you, the following will support you when you’re derailed by the frustrations of life’s smaller everyday encounters. The key to using these questions is embracing the fact that most of the frustrations and stress in your daily life could be avoided if you would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?”
So next time a random life situation starts to get the best of you, pause, take a deep breath, and then ask yourself:
- What’s the story I’m telling myself about this situation?
- Can I be absolutely certain this story is the truth?
- How do I feel and behave when I tell myself this story?
- If I stopped telling myself this story once and for all, what else might I see, feel, or experience?
Give yourself the space to think it through carefully. Mull it over consciously. And see how doing so opens your mind to respond more peacefully and appropriately in the year ahead.
(Note: Self-questioning and other self-coaching practices are also covered in detail in our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.)
Now, it’s your turn…
Above all, what you need to remember is that it’s not the answers you get from others, but the questions you ask yourself that will help you grow stronger.
So I challenge you to re-read and reference all the questions above throughout 2019. And keep in mind that they have no right or wrong answers. Because asking the right questions of yourself, regularly, is the answer.
And before you go, please share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.
We’d love to read your response to question #3 above: What’s the #1 change you need to make in your life in 2019?
Also, our next annual Think Better, Live Better conference is taking place February 9-10, 2019 in San Diego, and we’d love to see you there. We just released 10 more tickets (while they last).
And finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week in 2019.
Toni says
Happy early 2019, M&A! The number one change I need to make in 2019 is to stay consistent with my positive daily rituals.
Truly, with every email newsletter and blog post I read of yours I get a bit stronger inside and am able to push myself further forward. I’ve also recently completed your getting back to happiness course, and the positive daily rituals you’ve set me up with have already had a profound impact on my peace of mind and productivity over the past three months. Thank you. 🙂
Huong Vu says
Angel & Marc .
I’m very appreciated for sharing the
Amazing article how to see deeply
Down the 19 questions for 2019 resolutions: #1, I’m a person who is always striving for guidance, encouragements.
And #3, intergrity is important to me.
I Believed in myself and over come Anxiety..
Jim Henne says
I really like your first question here. In one sentence: I am the sum of 54 years of life experiences, choices, accomplishments, failures, and work – and I will continue to grow with every new experience, accomplishment, failure and task to come.
Anyway, inspiring post, as always from you two! I learn so much from your write-ups, emails, etc. I also bought your book just before Christmas and love it too. Super actionable! Thanks again for everything you share. Happy 2019! You’re a blessing.
Linda Holmes says
Your comment is perfect. I never though of myself this way. Such a help! Thanks!
kim Sheppard says
I want to change the way I try to put everyone before myself, I want to put myself first and not be so independent and I want to depend on someone to help me!
Ann C says
Interesting comment. I’ve been told that I am too independent. I thanked them, I thought it was a compliment but that’s not how they meant it. Maybe I need to review that in my life. But it took so long to get independent….
Melanie says
I know exactly how you feel!
Natasha says
Marc and Angel, your emails always arrive in my inbox at the perfect time! 🙂 Thank you for being a a constant source of guidance in my life. And happy new year ahead!
In this post I appreciate the way you’ve framed these questions as tools for eliminating the noice and focusing your mind. And I really like that “think like there is no box” analogy too.
And like Jim mentioned, the first questions stopped and made me think. In one sentence, who am I?
I am free will and pure awareness, the producer and the witness of the mind that drives this body forward. I am an eccentric square peg in an ocean of round holes who has finally accepted herself and the occasional isolation that inevitably comes with peacefully being myself.
Thanks again for these thoughtful, beautiful questions. And I will be seeing you two in San Diego at your Think Better conference! I’m excited! Just got two tickets for my husband and I. Lot’s of positive changes coming in 2019.
Heidi says
I love Natasha’s fourth paragraph. It is so poetically beautiful and true to heart.
I’m choosing (with so many choices) to not allow my family drama/trauma to rob me of all other areas of my life. Not letting go has hindered me in so many ways, but most importantly in moving froward.
Mary Dillon says
My answer to number three–is to love myself–to accept and be content with where I am–improve my attitude about everything–knowing that if I do that things will all work out as they are suppose to. I must be content with myself before I will be completely happy, I will print all these questions out and give each long thought. There is so much going on in my head after reading all of these. Thanks for these good articles that you print –and what is especially good–is that it is written in plain everyday language. Thanks again!! Mary
Suzana says
Mary, on point for me to!
Heather Madder says
My 48 year marriage ended ten months ago and I have suffered severe depression. He is with a new woman leading a wonderful life of travel, dining out and hiking. I guess I feel jealous along with the sadness. I always go your posts and book to try to “get it together “. You’ve helped tremendously. I’m hoping for peace and contentment. I think happiness is a long way away.
Thanks for your encouraging words.
Ann C says
I can’t imagine your pain, please allow yourself to grieve as if he died. That’s a long time to be married. I hope you have love and support from family and friends. Be kind to yourself and try to think of something to be positive about everyday!
#1 (this is meant to be funny & not offend) just remember if he gets Alzheimer’s he won’t remember her but he will remember you!
Mary Dillon says
Im sorry–Praying for you Heather Mary
Sunnel says
Don’t worry. You will be fine and everything will fall into place.. Its only a matter of time.. Cheers to great times ahead. Much love and peace. Sunnel
Perla Milner says
I would like to wake up every morning and be able to program my thinking…. thankfulness for everything, even difficult situations I cannot change and being able to accept what I cannot change. Wishing u both and your family a healthy and peaceful year. Thanking you always for making a difference to so many of us. 🙏❤️
Kelli says
This may be my favorite of all your email/posts. Thank you so much for sharing and challenging us to think deeply on how we want to live as we begin 2019!
Tania Clegg says
I think every year it’s scary overwhelming on our my year is in 2018 a lot angry sadness & denial & forgiveness & then 2019 nearly here. I always write a list about 10 things I’m going to do or change I only do 3 or 4 then I feel lost but not lost in the woods but lost that things that has happen in my life growing up or anxiety or depression sink in then I have to crawl back out. It’s not a box it’s my inner mind tuck away behind my brain. I will give this a go for 2019 thanks for mindfulness quotes & beautiful messages. Tania C from Auckland New Zealand
Judy Flowers says
The # 1 think I need to change is my financial wellness, being totally out of debt and financially free.
Anna says
The #1 change I need to make in the coming year is to practice mindfulness and meditation daily.
I’m re-evaluating my marriage. I’ve changed jobs, lost income, am taking on some debt in order to further my education….all of these are stressful. I’ve been both self-forgetting and reactive lately. I need my mind to be present in my body and aware of my own thoughts and emotions. Thanks for the questions to help prompt reflection on true priorities.
Ann C says
I tend to be quite content now as I enter my 7th decade. Taking care of my health as I see friends having health issues &/or dieing. That’s my answer to #3, learning new ways to eat to maintain or improve my health.
Sometimes your emails seem to instill a reassurance that I’m on the right path & others will point to a new path. Thank you!
Debbie says
I read the list and you know I could hardly answer half of them! I’m going to have to really think about those questions!! Sometimes honestly I feel it’s too late for me! I’ll be 61 young but it’s harder now to me! I lost my whole life being depressed but I am working on it. Having to think about those questions hopefully will help!!
Janey says
Debbie I feel the same way! I’ve been depressed myself on and off, for over 45 years. I am 62 and I feel I’ve wasted most of my life. I too am having a hard time answering the questions. But they are really GREAT questions. For the new year I will try to forgive the people in my life (hard to do) and also try not to be so hard on myself. Thank you M & A!
Kim says
What scares you and what do you try to avoid and doesn’t scare you as much now? I’m an introvert and always panic a little in upcoming social situations. Finally at 60 I am starting to appreciate all the individual interactions I have with people and work hard to be in that moment. Maybe that sounds strange but it is work but gratifying at the same time. It’s a conscious effort that has its rewards. I’m grateful to you for your great encouragement.
Glenn says
My #3
I going to quit doubting myself and get my confidence back to where it needs to be. Take control of what’s important to me and enjoy my life.
There is so much good in life and so much life to enjoy , to not be happy is a mistake I don’t want.
Thanks & Happy New Years 2019
Kel says
The #1 change I need to make in my life in 2019 is spending my time reading books instead of being online.
Darlene says
I’ve just discovered “you” this evening and the discovery is so timely! You truly have no idea. I lost my spouse in June 2018 and have been on a Grief Journey for the past six months. I’m seeking inner peace and happiness in 2019 – I’m tired of being sad and on the verge of tears.
I’m so glad I discovered you! Thank you!
Rebecca Johnston says
I’m so sorry for your loss, Darlene. Grief is exhausting. My special son passed last year and his brother (with same rare condition)is in hospice care since last month. Life changes completely and we do have to find ways to ground and redirect ourselves. Best of luck to you.
Darlene says
Rebecca – thank you so much! I’m truly sorry for your loss, as well. I’m sending lots of hugs and prayers to hopefully help you find strength to see you through life’s challenges. Gentle hugs!
Marywauteletd'Angers says
Thank you so much for those thoughtful questions. I’m enjoying your posts since last summer and I bought your book as soon as it was released : you actually deserve beeing the #1 website regarding personnal development in USA. I’m interested in the matter since a long time (over 30 years) and I’ve been reminded of so much thank to you both. Best wishes from France to you Marc and Angel and to all your readers for a constructive 2019. Mary a French coach living in France
Jessica Gray says
My 2019 goal is to find out what is important to me and what I really like to do. I’ve realized that I do many things because society has told me that they are desirable or I should do them because….
Some of the decisions are difficult. I’m self-employed, and there are two businesses that I handle. I like doing one more than the other, but the other is a consistent income source. However, it isn’t growing–and the time I spend on it could be used on the other business I like more. The business I like more isn’t always consistent in income in that it has slow months, though possibly I could change that by diversifying more. However, that requires more time on my part…so I’ve decided to focus on the business I love and stop doing the other. It is a bit scary, but I think it is the right decision.
I also have this crazy dream I’m working towards. I have physical goals this year–get stronger physically, more flexible, work on my balance–because I want to learn how to ice skate. The negative voice in my head thinks I’m a nutcase for wanting to learn how to ice skate in my 40s. I’ve wanted to do it ever since I was a kid, and so I’ve decided I’m going to work towards that. However, I do think I should physically prepare just a bit before I actually take a class. From what I’ve observed, it does take a lot of core strength and some flexibility, and I would rather not get injured if I can help it. I’m hoping I’m not catering to the negativity by saying I should prepare before I do this, but I’ve had too many cases in the past where I jumped into something full of enthusiasm and then abandoned it because I didn’t prepare adequately.
Marsha says
I am 70 yrs. old and I have smoked for 48 yrs… It finally came to me this morning why I am having so much trouble quitting…I have been thru so much pain and discomfort in my life I just cannot bear another time when I will suffer.. I know when it’s all over I would be much better off. Esp. financially!! So now knowing that I will do it… I will quit!! I want to thank you for all the great advice and idea’s you share with us!!!
+-Life. says
#14 – Life is too short to tolerate negativity.
Time to amp up the positivity in 2019 and keep winning at life!
99% of people won’t read this but if you are, you are awesome and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
Dale Steele Nicolov says
This is such an amazing list of questions. I cried a bit as I went through them and it made me feel a sense of freedom. I am going to share this with all those I love. Thank you so much!This is my favorite of your emails as well. How timely as we are all thinking about how to improve our lives in the next year. As I was cleaning up my emails today and unsubscribing to many, I thought Boy this newsletter is a keeper. You have helped me get on with my life in a positive way so many times.Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom,guidance, healing light and love with us. May God bless you and all those you love always.
Meera Basdeo says
Hi M & A,
Happy new year to you both and your audience. Thanks for your support and guidance. My answer to #3 is to make more time for myself and to make myself happy while serving others. Thanks again for your inspiration and love.
Kdt says
The biggest change I need to make for 2019 is gettinng out of this relationship finally once and for all: I am finally starting to not love him anymore and that helps. I deserve so much better
Janie says
These are great questions, I read everyone of them and cried as I answered them. I guess the #1 thing I need desperately to change is to stop being scared to try new things, to be brave, confident. I just want to forget past hurts from my family.
Thank you to M&A for doing what you do. I look forward to your readings each and every day.
Rita Grant says
I want to become a better version of me
Tracelle Hinze says
My #1 thing in 2019 is to find out why i am so angry and irritable. Why i am always blowing up things out of proportion and to be able to just take it at face value without getting upset. It is blocking me in so many ways. I need to figure out what needs are unmet. So to learn to let go, be happy and enjoy all the small moments.
M.J. Karch says
#1 change for 2019=Organization…..not waiting for others to do it…but, for ME! Sincerely, M.J. Karch
Michael Malette says
19 Questions that Will Open Your Mind in 2019 has given me a profound need to establish a baseline, or starting point, making time a priority.
Wasting time leads to loneliness, which could be crucial to our personal, professional and global presence.
Jenna Jones says
Whoa! These are powerful questions at the top and I like your choices of photo images to accompany them. I will work on answering each one in the new journal I started last week.
Your thoughts and words have helped me deal with toxic family situations in 2018. Today I decided to offer your book (I bought four copies) to a friend from long ago, whose marriage may be ending, but may not be. It is time for discernment, and I know your book can help with that process. Thank you, Marc and Angel, for the ways you inspire all of us to honor our authentic selves and work towards living with more joy.