“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
— Catherynne M. Valente
Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?
This quick read is for YOU…
Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.
With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.
There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”
He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”
The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”
. . .
If that story resonates at all right now, it may be time for some gentle wake-up calls:
1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.
Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.
And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.
2. We all do lots of things that don’t need to be done.
Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…
Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.
And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…
Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated, and I don’t know where I went wrong.
And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…
I read a couple articles on Google News, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one small “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.
How do we protect against this vicious cycle?
We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.
Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”
The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things.
We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!
You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.
Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well, or everything poorly.
Now, it’s YOUR turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you recently?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Patrik says
This is exactly what I needed to read. I say so many yeses ending up feeling busy and stressed in the process. One sip at a time. Recently I finally said a “No” to a seemingly viable hustle opportunity, but I am glad I did because my financial situation would not be much better and it demanded quite a lot of free/ family time. Take care.
Carol Nichols says
This article was exactly what I needed. I get involved in so many things, I don’t do any of it. People take advantage of me & so I have learned I have to say no. They will say it will only take a few minutes & it ends up taking days. I got a planner & started writing things down. I got things things & people that make we feel stressed out of my life. In one week. One week I felt so much better. Thank you!0
,
Maryanne G says
I have been at that breaking point and wonder why I never saw or read anything similar to your essays!! I guess I was too busy!! I am now learning at my ripe age to focus on small steps and set my priorities. Thank you. I appreciate your calm and nugget-size bits of advice!
Jaki Nyagaki says
Just what I needed.
Have to get rid of this apathy and be more goals driven.
Like I used to be before!
Ready to learn more!
Hilary says
My plate is waaay too full, and it is indeed time to take a few things off of it today. I’m starting by turning in my resignation at a local volunteer group I’ve been working with for over five years. I love being able to give back, but it’s time to give a little back to myself too — at least for awhile. Thanks for this much needed kick in the shorts. Your emails and posts always move me in the right direction. Also, still enjoying watching my video recordings from your conference these past years — excellent!
Amy Terese says
This post was for ME today. Earlier, I was lying in bed feeling overwhelmed (much like the thirsty man in your story) by all that awaited me once I got up! I am in the midst of re-decorating/ updating my home, a self-initiated project that utterly delighted me at the onset. But instead of completing one room at a time, EVERY room is now in a state of incompleteness and near chaos. At this point, I don’t even know where to begin each day. As I lay there this morning, I prayed for peace of mind, direction, motivation and the strength to get all that I can do today, DONE…but without frustration, time pressure or overwhelm. I later came across your article and was reassured that God had indeed heard and was answering my prayer! Thank you so much! God bless and much love to you both!
Jean Smith says
Oh my gosh, Any Terese, your story is MY story too! I’m redoing my house all at once and now I’ve found myself in a complete state of being STUCK. Like I seriously cannot move for being overwhelmed with this utter mess I’ve created. Yesterday I sat myself down and said enough. Get it together, one area at a time and wow, for the first time in weeks, I actually feel like it’s coming together. I try to read Mark and Angels daily kick in the backside, but lately I’ve been “too busy”. Today I DID read this and I can’t thank them enough. Even better, I can’t thank YOU enough for your letter! You inadvertently gave me some hope and positive thoughts just by realizing I’m not alone! Big smiles and a lighter heart today!!
Joel says
Great essay and concepts here today. It’s somewhat of a luxury trap. We agree to new obligations, begin new projects and direct our behaviour because we feel our lives will be bettered in an imaginary future payoff. But we rarely consider that the extra work spawns even greater responsibilities, locking us into our new level of living.
Amanda says
Great read today, M&A. Great story, and I totally agree that when we fill all our time with activities (which may or may not be meaningful) we are just spinning our wheels and taking up time that could be used more intentionally. This has been one of my biggest issues, and it’s something your email newsletters and course lessons have helped me with over the past 6 months. And I’m really feeling the progress in my day to day now. So…thank you.
Melinda says
I really look forward to your emails, they always help me refocus & prioritize without feeling overwhelmed! What a Godsend you both are! Thank you!
Richard says
Yep, this is what I needed to read/hear today as well!
I do way to many awesome things and yet many of my awesome projects don’t get finished or seen through to the end.
I’m moving house over the next few weeks having a massive clear out getting rid of almost everything (lots of stuff I accumulated in share houses that wasn’t even mine- good metaphor!), only keeping what I love and what serves me. I will practice saying “no” and find ways to complete the things that need to manifest… or let them go!
Thank you for you’re continual wisdom & inspiration!
Richard (Australia)
Pam Cornett says
This is just what I need at this time. I am totally overwhelmed by paperwork. Yesterday I did go through some on my desk. Not all of it, just a little bite or sip and I will tackle some more today.
I too really appreciate your emails, they help me put things in perspective. Thank you.
Michelle says
This is very helpful. One sip at a time! Make lists! Say no to some good things! Thank you.
Carol says
This definitely spoke to me. I have a hard time with boundaries and end up getting being taken advantage by ppl. Also, one sip at a time. Thanks for this article.
mary ann limin says
Thank you for sharing… reminded me to take one step at a time 🙂
CeeCee says
Thank you!
Carmen Mota says
As I get older, I’ve come to realize that my mental health is a priority.
4 decades ago, I was running around like the energizer bunny and not getting anything done & ultimately felt my performance was poor. This was a reality check!!!
What works for my mental health and staying grounded is to break task down and prioritize what is really important on that particular day or week.
Thank you for your voice of reason and inspiration.
john M Hardy says
Great article on why “No” is the most important word in the English language. Being a virtual assistant, I sometime have to say no to a client or a potential one either because I have too much work (usually the case) or I don’t have the skills/knowledge to perform whatever the client is desiring to have done. You need to make this word part of your vocabulary and say it when needed.
Divya says
This email today gave a lot of insight and was so much on point. Thank you for sharing it.
It helps to put things into perspective when you’ve penned it down like that.
Nasreen says
This essay is really nice… Sometimes I get held up… I must learn to say no… Thanks for this wonderful essay Marc and Angel.
Alison says
This is so timely. I am currently off work due to work related stress. And job hunting to get out of the environment as quickly as possible. I am panicking, hourly. I feel like time is running out. And extremely overwhelmed. I have finally let those closest to me know I am in a bad place, and everything is overwhelming. I don’t know how to survive, mentally or financially, or even physically. I have realised the harm of saying yes, rather than a positive no. And it’s 3:41am and I’ve been awake since 1am worrying. I know I have a lot to do, to heal, recover, and move on slowly with my life. I have to develop a better mindset where I am putting myself first, which is a huge challenge in itself. I feel like a child again as it is all just too much for me to cope with. But I will get there. One small sip at a time.
Thank you.
Lou says
I was always a yes man for others and a no man for me I always felt selfish if I said yes to me but now that has changed with age If I don’t say yes to me know one else will so I have learned this the hard way thanks for the reminder
Dave says
Wow this does hit home. I looked at what you’d said, looked at my life. It was overfilled with trying to please everyone. I had not left time for me to relax , rejuvenated, taken care of my own well being. I was in a vicious cycle. That only compounded my stress and anxiety levels.
Thank you
Patti Hoffmann says
Thank you for making me see the light. My mother had a grand stroke May 2023 in another state in which my husband and I trekked to week after week. I moved her closer to me to an assisted living facility, in which we all loved the place and staff there. Unfortunately I lost her in October 2023. I knew for a long time I was in charge of her estate. My siblings not once stepped out of their comfort zone to help me with anything.
Each day I was in utter turmoil and started to lose my hair and cried at a drop of a hat. I needed a hug. A bear hug that wouldn’t let go. When I looked in the mirror I couldn’t see myself or get a grip on how did I allow this to happen? Life, people and circumstances do it to us.
I’m positive and believe to always be fair and reasonable. Recently I said while looking in the mirror. Ok Patti you just went 9 round of pure non-sense. Now what are you going to do? I decided to put me first. It was learning how to drink one drop of healthy water at a time. One extra hour of restful sleep at a time, one day at a time. Look for the sunrise and relax while watching the sunset.
I love reading daily Marc & Angel blog. It get me to think and gives me the push I need. Thank you and keep it coming. We all need a hug from the outside world.
Scott Siwicki says
Take it from someome who found out too late. Pushing myself too hard, never saying no to anything. Bad habits of coping with stress.
Leading to serious health issues and permanent life changes.
I should have said no, more often and looked after myself better.
As it is ironic that many of the people I always said yes to, are no longer in my life. Because I can no longer be used.
But I have learned from my mistakes. And was blessed with a second chance. And work dailyto take much better care of myself now.
Barbara Altamore says
Last year was my year of “yes!” I did it all. I traveled to all the places. I met with all the people, I worked all the overtime. After I lost so many friends last year, I was motivated (really afraid) to not miss out on anything. So I didn’t. At the end of the year, while I have great memories of all that happened, and don’t regret a single one, I ended up being exhausted. This year I realize I won’t miss out on what’s not really important to ME. I’m more selective and only in February I feel more relaxed, more in control, and getting all the important things accomplished. It is very freeing. And I’m not missing out on life. Thanks, as always, for the reminders!