(This is an excerpt from the new edition of 1,000 Little Things.)
Millions of people live their entire lives on default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t be one of them. Don’t settle for the default settings in life.
Dare to make edits and improvements. Dare to make your personal growth a top priority.
The truth is, you won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you need to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Your needs matter. Start meeting them!
Don’t wait on others to choose you. Choose yourself today!
Seriously, it’s not your job to curb or contain yourself in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. You are amazingly worthwhile and capable right now. Not because other people think you are, but because you are in full control of the next step you take.
If you feel differently, or if you’ve been holding yourself back recently, realize that the real battle is in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around. You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but you are not broken. So don’t let your mind, or anyone else, try to convince you otherwise.
Heal yourself, and grow beyond the default settings in life, by refusing to settle for the way things have always been. Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-care and personal growth top priorities . . .
Choose to think better about yourself, so that you can live better in spite of the challenges you face.
And yes, we know that’s sometimes much easier said than done.
Making positive changes takes guidance and practice. And that’s exactly what this book will help you achieve, one tiny step at a time.
Are you ready for a great journey? Achieving real happiness and success in life is truly a wild one—a journey of unexpected and exciting twists, turns, and vital lessons. Yes, it’s wild how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life keeps leading us down paths we would never travel if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let your expectations of how everything “should be” blind you to the beauty of the life you’re living. Have faith. Trust the journey.
And of course, if you’re struggling with trusting the journey and taming your expectations right now, know that you are not alone. Many of us are here with you, working hard to let go, find more presence and acceptance, and get our thinking back on track. Let us share a quick metaphor with you that we often share with our course students and live Think Better, Live Better seminar attendees:
Imagine you had a ripe, juicy tangerine sitting on the table in front of you. You pick it up eagerly, take a bite, and begin to taste it.
You already know how a ripe, juicy tangerine should taste, and so when this one is a bit tarter than expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment, and swallow it, feeling cheated out of the experience you expected.
Or perhaps the tangerine tastes completely normal— nothing special at all. So, you swallow it without even pausing to appreciate its flavor as you move on to the next unworthy bite, and the next.
In the first scenario, the tangerine let you down because it didn’t meet your expectations. In the second, it was too plain because it met your expectations to a T.
Do you see the irony here?
It’s either not good or not good enough. This is how many of us live our lives . . . unhappily and unsuccessfully. It’s why so many of us feel let down, disappointed, and unexcited about almost everything.
Because nothing really meets our expectations.
Now, imagine you try this instead: remove your expectations of how the tangerine “should” taste. You don’t know, and you don’t expect to know, because you haven’t even tried it yet. Instead, you’re genuinely curious, impartial, and open to a variety of possible flavors. You taste it, and you truly pay attention. You notice the juiciness, the texture of the pulp, the simultaneously tangy, tart, and sweet flavors swirling around on your tongue, and all the other complex sensations that arise in your awareness as you chew. You didn’t know how this tangerine would taste, but now you realize it’s different from the rest, and it’s remarkable in its own way. It’s a totally new experience—a worthwhile experience—because you’ve never tasted this tangerine before.
Mindfulness experts often refer to this as “beginner’s mind,” but really, it’s just the result of a mind-set free of needless, stifling expectations.
The tangerine, of course, can be substituted for almost anything in your life: any event, any situation, any relationship, any person, any thought at all that enters your mind. If you approach any of these with expectations of “how it should be” or “how it has to be” in order to be good enough for you, they will almost always disappoint you in some way, or be too plain and unexciting to even remember. And you’ll just move on to the next disappointment or unworthy life experience, and the next, and the next, and so on and so forth, until you’ve lived the vast majority of your life stuck in an endless cycle of experiences you barely like or barely even notice.
A Better Way
The good news is, there is a happier and more successful way to think and live. When we add up more than a decade’s worth of one-on-one coaching sessions with students, open conversations with our readers, and the annual live seminars we host, we have lots of experience when it comes to assisting people through the pain points that have been holding them back. And one of the most prevalent pain points we’ve seen unfold over the years is what we’ve just discussed—expectations gone wrong. In fact, most of what we describe as our “biggest problems” are the direct consequence of how we react to life on an average day.
Yes, sometimes there are major tragedies to cope with, but most of the time the only real problem is our mind-set and resulting behavior in the present moment. Exercising your mental strength—your inner resilience—is key. And you don’t have to be born mentally strong, either. You can develop this vital character trait with daily practice.
Is it easy? Not exactly. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
And it all starts with facing the present moment fully, with genuine presence and acceptance. Even when times are relatively good, one of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin—to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are. Too often we aimlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, gossip, news, social networks, video games, smartphones, tablets—anything to keep us from being fully present.
We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and more to escape from ourselves and the realities of living with full presence. In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone with ourselves in an undistracted way. For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fears, anxieties, anticipation, uncertainty, frustration, envy, disappointment. And when harder times hit, things spiral even further out of control.
On the flip side, we can exercise our mental strength muscles and gradually grow to understand that finding peace, happiness, and success in life does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no hardship, and no unfinished business. It means to be in the midst of those things while remaining focused in your mind and calm in your heart. It’s about letting go of the pictures in your head about how things were “supposed to be” and facing the present moment’s challenges with presence and poise…
Continue Reading 1,000 Little Things
If you appreciated the excerpt above from the introduction of our brand NEW edition of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently, I guarantee you will appreciate the rest of the book too.
Truth be told, sometimes we need to be reminded to actually get up and DO the little things we need to do to be happy again. The things that frighten us. The things others can’t do for us. The things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of empty promises and defeat and one filled with renewed happiness, possibility and peace.
And that’s why Angel and I are publishing a brand new and updated volume of 1,000 Little Things, to be that daily reminder for anyone who’s struggling to change their situation for the better. It’s a compendium filled with our best advice on overcoming setbacks, letting go of what is holding us back, nurturing relationships, finding time for self-care and cultivating passion in order to achieve our important goals.
Check out the official book trailer here:
Finally, note that when you order the new book today you also get $25 in bonuses for free. So, order now and then just reply to this post in the comments section below, and paste your Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. order/receipt number. Angel or I will personally email you within 24 hours with instructions for getting your free bonus. (We’ll keep your reply private too, if you ask us to.) 🙂
Kim D. says
I don’t know if you will read or respond to this comment, but I do want to let you know how glad I am to have found your website and to get your emails. The emails have literally kept me going thru some of my darkest days recently. I am going thru an unwanted divorce after 20 plus years of marriage and my life as well as my two teenage sons lives have been turned upside down. My husband moved out in January and I recently found out he has had a new friend since March. Something a lot of women go thru, I have found, so I am not alone. It doesn’t make it any easier to process. I know I would benefit so much from your coaching program; however, I am also having to file for bankruptcy because of the financial devastation the divorce is causing. I did manage to get your first volume of “1000+ Little Things…” and just wanted to say thank you for writing it! A lot of the positive messages I am trying to believe about myself again are coming straight from this book. Please keep doing what you’re doing to help so many of us struggling in our daily lives! You are truly a blessing! And I just placed an order for the new volume of the book too.
Sincerely, Kim
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for the kindness, Kim. I’ve just emailed you privately, too. 🙂
Paul says
I can relate to what you are saying, I myself have done things to my family that I didn’t think I would ever do, I have paid the price of losing everything, I have ever Loved, and spend 5 years being incarcerated, only to come out and have nothing, but with owning up to the choices I made in the pass, I have been able to correct, my wrongs to rights, are thing better now, I would have to say yes because of the way I think now. Sure there are times when I hurt because of the choices I made, but I also have grown to be a better person now then I was before, and Thanks to your e-mails and books I have read that I can say that I am still under construction and always will be, but it great to know that some of the feeling I will go through are just that ‘feeling’ and I can be better then I was. I just what to say Thanks for all your work you and Angel do in inspiring me to always to live a better life and not to forget that, It’s how I feel and think about me, is where the healing come from. So I just want to say again Thank for all you do in helping me to see Life in a better way. Peace and Love, and Positive energy to both of you. Humble and full of Joy! may you day be blessed as you have blessed me in so many way in reading your e-mails…….
Gina Hernandez says
I had initially purchased the first edition of “1,000 + Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently” as an ebook. I later purchased the first edition of the hard cover version too, which is probably one of the best investment decisions that I have made. I find that I can read and study a book more intently when I read the physical version. Anyway, I’m excited for the updated edition. It will make for some good summertime self-reflection. Thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for the extra kindness, and for continuing to support our work, Gina.
Zephanii says
I’ve re-read your GBTH book two times now and I know 1000 Little things will be a gem too. In fact, when my boyfriend hinted that he wanted to get me a book for my birthday, I immediately put in a request for 1000 Little Things… and convinced him that purchasing this book will help me during this tough season in my life. I’m truly grateful because I will have offline access to the gems of knowledge and life-breathing inspiration that has already made a huge difference in my life. Thank you Marc & Angel!
Geraldine Brown says
I love your posts. They offer so much encouragement, hope and positivity. I would love to have the book but wonder it is available in the UK?
Thank you again for all you do to help so many people.
Kenneth Rosenberg says
I preoredered the audiobook on Audible. I love your work:
1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently
(emailed you the details)
Nicolette Skenjana says
Be Strong Kim, i ve been there.Make sure your children go for counselling.Life will get better ,Persevere no matter what.NB:Hand every thing to God. You are in my prayers.Remember it is okay to cry it cleanses the soul.
Alex says
Order Number: 026-9005370-8910734
Sally Quon says
721624612344810007 Amazon
Joanne Mullin says
I am always encouraged and strengthened by your daily e-mails. Thank you for doing what you do! I look forward to reading your new book!
Order Placed: May 20, 2019
Amazon.com order number: 112-5700945-1143413
Order Total: $13.38
Joanne Mullin says
I am always encouraged and strengthened by your daily e-mails. Thank you for doing what you do! I look forward to reading your new book!
Order Placed: May 20, 2019
Amazon.com order number: 112-5700945-1143413
Order Total: $13.38
Danielle says
I am looking forward to reading this.
Order Number: 113-3483499-2408258
1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently will be shipped by Amazon.com.
Holly Smith says
I preordered on Amazon.
Order # 111-1011151-9166667.
May 17, 2019
Robin Hollen says
Thank you for your daily reminders and encouragements. Can’t wait to read your new book: 1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently. Still read through the last book.
Order # 112-4820757-4848242
Amy B says
Absolutely love your first 1,000 little things book! It continues to be a daily resource of inspiration & encouragement for myself and my entire family. Looking forward to the new one and the beautiful encouragement and uplifting advice I know it will give to help us move forward. You always remind us of what’s most important… and by learning to live your life understanding the importance and impact this has on you & every aspect going forward, it will only lead you to purposeful, meaningful lives where you are PRESENT in the MOMENTS and Happy to be ‘exactly where life leads you.”
Amazon Order# 114-9575437-1834662
Denise says
Loved the 1st book, can’t wait to start this one! Just emailed my info. Thank you!
Debi Geltmeier says
Looking forward to the book!
Pre ordered: Amazon Order #111-0130209-5154632
Nifemi says
thanks so much
Doreen Adams says
I am always looking for more positivity. Thank you for this!
Order Placed: May 20, 2019
Amazon.com order number: 114-7802204-5175462
Order Total: $13.27
Tracy Peters says
Ordered!
Amazon.ca Order # 701-6294186-6717002
Thanks for the push! I’ve been meaning to get on it!
Saransh says
I absolutely love reading your posts! They bring the much needed light in my life and remind me of the tiny, little, yet important things that I tend to forget easily. I just placed an order for the book on Amazon ( Order# 112-4451517-7448241 ). Please keep sharing your wonderful views. Much love! – Saransh
Susan says
Amazon.com order number: D01-9773252-8073863
Svanhvit says
I am so looking forward to receiving my book, I really loved Getting Back to Happy – it´s been an excellent companion for me in a very challenging couple of years……..
306-8420494-0724316 Amazon Germany
Xan Barnard says
Amazon.es Order number: 404-2968173-9271564
I look forward to reading your book.
Per says
I discovered your book, Getting Back To Happy, when I was going through a challenging time in my life, and I always start the day reading your advice and words of encouragement on your Facebook page. It is a great inspiration for me.
Really looking forward to reading this book. Goodreads order no: BDU-097-54046489898
Cindy Sprayberry says
Amazon order number 111-3924315-5539445. I am going through a really tough time in my life right now. Probably the toughest time ever. I also ordered Getting Back to Happy as well. I love your emails as they are very inspiring. I wish I could do more but I have to save as much money as I can right now as times are very tough. I am praying these books will help me. Thank you for everything you do!
John Bartruff says
I am divorced now after 7yrs of marriage . My wife has left me every year for 7 yrs . I never wanted to let her go because I love her so much with agape love . We have been divorced now this June 2019 a year . I pray she would come back and take her Born Again Christianity serious and want to remarry me . I am very lonely and distraught ! I miss her so much !! I don’t hear from her at all . She has become so heartless and uncaring . Please help ,advise , and “Pray” for her return . We are both “Born Again Christians” !! I am very lost without her . She was my everything . Our vows are to “Death do us Part” satan would love to see me check out ! Please “Help”
Lesley says
Order date
25 May 2019
Order #
D01-8595062-5234212
Order Total
£7.99 (1 item)
Your regular emails are always an inspiration and are so relevant .
Thank you.
Pat Boyle says
I’ve ordered your latest book from Amazon. I’m having difficulty pasting the order details. Let me know how to send the receipt an other way. Thank you
Lorraine Croom says
Hi Marc and Angel, I have ordered your new version of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently – this is my
Order Number: 112-4105000-8870659
I found the first edition very helpful, and the words of wisdom actually helped my step daughter cope with the effects of detoxing from drugs when she was staying with us! I am looking forward to picking up a lot more new advice from the new book. xx
+-Life. says
Thank you for this reminder!
Would just like to share that the best investment anyone can make is to invest in themselves.
Never stop learning and improving!