by Neil Pasrisha, author of You Are Awesome
“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.”
—Meister Eckhart
Do you know that clichéd Catholic confession chamber scene from the movies?
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” the mobster says, on bended knee, behind the metal lattice. “I put Two-Faced Tony in a vice at the deli and chopped him out of the family.”
I didn’t grow up Catholic, yet it always seemed interesting to me that confession was a religious practice.
I looked into this as part of my research for my new book on resilience You Are Awesome: How To Navigate Change, Wrestle With Failure, and Live an Intentional Life. I found it’s not just Catholicism! The act of confessing is an integral part of many world religions from Catholicism to Islam to Judaism to Mormonism to Buddhism.
Over the ages of our species coming into its own, across different geographies, different times, different backgrounds, we were somehow all wise enough to include a little emotional geyser of confession as part of how we lived and worshipped together.
Why?
Well, it seems to me if we can process and articulate a worry subconsciously swimming in the seas of our brains . . . we actually pull them out of our minds. We extricate them. We eradicate them. The worries get pulled out of the wet dirt below and suddenly sit like shrivelly little worms on the hot sidewalk in front of us where, under the hot glare of the day, we just know they won’t last.
The thing is today we’re living in an increasingly secular society. Many of us are living without a confession chamber. I think that’s why we’ve seen the rise of websites such as PostSecret, an incredible project where Frank Warren collects, curates, and posts anonymous artistic confessions created on postcards mailed to him. What’s this little confession project turned out? A nearly billion-hit website, six New York Times bestsellers and a top ranked TED Talk. Plus the postcard confessions themselves rove around galleries around the world and live at the Smithsonian.
We want to confess. We need to confess. We have to confess. We have a shared desire to pull out and process things we’re worrying about instead of letting them sit deep inside and fester.
Some fascinating research published in Science magazine by the neuroscientists Stefanie Brassen and her colleagues backs up how healing it can be to reveal. Their study, titled Don’t Look Back in Anger!: Responsiveness to Missed Chances in Successful and Nonsuccessful Aging, shows that minimizing regrets as we age creates greater contentment and happiness. The research also shows that holding on to regrets causes us to take more aggressive and risky actions in the future. So the healthiest and happiest people are aware of regrets they harbor and then choose to let them go.
But how?
Want to know how to do this?
Here’s the two-minute morning practice.
Every morning I grab an index card or a journal and write these three prompts:
I aim to complete the prompts every single day.
So in a recent entry, I wrote:
It takes only two minutes to do, and the difference in my life has been both immediate and incredible.
Completing three simple sentences helps me “win the morning,” which helps me start to “win the day.”
We’re all awake for about 1000 minutes a day. That’s it! So isn’t it worth taking two of those minutes to help the other 998 be as good as possible? It’s an incredible lever you can use to level yourself up.
Revealing a little mental anxiety on a piece of paper has been hugely healing for me. Because, crazy as it sounds, whenever we write out our little anxieties, they disappear.
- I have five pounds of blubber on my stomach.
- I’m worried about what school my kid will go to next year.
- I think I said the wrong thing in an important email yesterday.
Want to know what happens when I flip back in my journal weeks later? “Oh,” I think to myself. “What email was I worried about again?” I often can’t even remember what the cause for concern was.
What about the big anxieties? Say your mom is sick. Gravely ill. These may be her final days. Will the two-minute morning practice still help? Yes. It will. Because you’re saying it, you’re processing it, you’re admitting how you feel about it, so the heaviness can be examined and acknowledged.
Plus, the next prompt is “I am grateful for . . .” So you are forcing your brain to find little positives even amid a bigger negative situation. “I got to read my mom the book she read to me when I was a kid,” “Nurse Jasmine brought me a coffee,” “My kids all came home for the weekend for the first time this year.”
It’s a simple practice that allows for a quick therapeutic breather and a little moment of presence from our future-focused minds. The two-minute morning practice helps you feel better and get more done because you’re performing a mental release.
You’re revealing to heal.
Putting your brain in a better space.
Showing up as your better self.
We know from a great study called The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success? by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Laura King and Ed Diener that if you show up to your day with a positive mindset, you’ll have 31% higher productivity, 37% higher sales, and three times as much creativity as your peer group. Those are big wins, all achieved by taking a few moments to let go of something, feel grateful, and bring some focus to your day.
- “I will let go of . . . obsessing about the hairy birthmark on my arm.”
- “I will let go of . . . feeling embarrassed that I left the spin class completely out of breath five minutes in.”
- “I will let go of . . . worrying that I messed up my three-year-old by screaming at him to put on his shoes.”
Revealed.
Healed.
And what about the gratitudes? Why do we have to make sure to write them down?
Research by professors Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough shows that if you write down five gratitudes a week, you’ll be measurably happier and even physically healthier over a ten-week period. And the more specific, the better. Writing down “family, food, and job” or something similarly vague over and over doesn’t cause any spike in happiness.
Our minds don’t relive any specific experience that way. Try things such as:
- “I am grateful for . . . Trooper learning how to shake a paw.”
- “I am grateful for . . . the cinnamon bun smell in the train station.”
- “I am grateful for . . . Rodriguez putting the toilet seat down.”
You get the idea.
I picture writing down gratitudes after I’ve just ejected an anxiety being sort of like a Zamboni whisking through my neural networks, smoothing everything out, splashing freezing cold water over all my thoughts.
And now, finally, the focus.
What does “I will focus on . . .” help us do?
Well, once you’ve revealed and healed, cleaned off your mental ice rink, it’s time to strip away the endless list of things you could do and focus on the things you will do.
Why? Because if you don’t you will mentally revisit your could-do list all day long.
And that will only cause decision fatigue.
Decision-making energy uses a particularly complex part of the brain and we’re wasting energy anytime we’re unfocused. As Florida State professor of psychology Roy Baumeister and New York Times journalist John Tierney said in Willpower: Rediscovering The Greatest Human Strength, “Decision fatigue helps explain why ordinarily sensible people get angry at colleagues and families, splurge on clothes, buy junk food at the supermarket and can’t resist the dealer’s offer to rustproof their new car. No matter how rational and high-minded you try to be, you can’t make decision after decision without paying a biological price. It’s different from ordinary physical fatigue—you’re not consciously aware of being tired—but you’re low on mental energy.”
Letting go of stress this way early in the morning helps me avoid mentally revisiting a worry throughout the day.
Writing down a few things I’m grateful for helps me be more positive every day.
And focusing my attention on a big goal for the day actually seals the deal.
Clean ice and clean thinking to get back on track.
Reveal to heal.
—
And of course, I would love to hear from YOU in the comments section.
Which point in this post resonated the most today?
Anything else to share?
Please leave me a comment below.
Author Bio: Neil Pasricha is a Canadian author, entrepreneur, podcaster, and public speaker characterized by his advocacy of positivity and simple pleasures. He is best known for his The Book of Awesome series, and The Happiness Equation which are international bestsellers. And his brand new book, You Are Awesome, is out today.
Nicole says
I will let go of: things into Gods hands instead of trying to “fix” everything myself
I am grateful for: Marc and Angels posts and emails.
I will focus on: enjoying the process instead of just trying to get to the end result as quickly as possible
Marsha Howell says
I love that learning to take small steps such as these can lead us into beginning a habit that will enrich our lives each day that we practice it. Thank you!
Lucille says
Wow! Angel. This is so exciting! I will do it! Why is it that your treasured writings come at the best time! I especially liked the part where focusing on the here and now… hit home for me. Thank you so much for such inspiration !??
Monique Evans says
Great post! Lots of good ideas to start the day well, something I’m a firm believer in. “I will let go of…” resonates with me. This very morning I was working on letting go of past disagreements with a dear friend. Thanks for the confirmation that I’m on the right path. I love your work!
Karen Brown says
I started reading your articles a few months ago, they all ways seem to get me in a better mood after reading them. The problem is how do I continue that feeling. I am going to try to do this. God knows I need a change in my situation. Thank you
Tracy says
Being grateful for what you have helps the mind and heart to build you.
Anthony Byrd says
Hi Marc and Angel, I am truly grateful for your blog. The incredible nuggets that you write about are awesome and I have tried sharing your blog with family and friends. However, it time to really focus on me. I want to “Think Better” and “Live Better”. Thank you!
Jacqueline says
I have just watched a sermon on confession just before i read your word to us wow. Power in the tongue it can bring both life or death to all things, just that little thing a tongue, but my heart was broken and God will fix me, but my responsibilty is to speak life and His truth according to His Holy word in me and others. Today was a day for me when God showed up and spoke wellness, and truth and realigned me out of His goodness, love and faithfulness because He delights in me, I am His beloved and belong to Him, thankyou for your words that bring those things into my life too, much love Jacqueline xxxx
Tenia says
This was such a wonderful article. I really enjoyed reading about the decision making processing with our brains, and how we react too swiftly at times all because we are tired. Thanks for sharing.
Lalie says
I appreciate that you gave examples on this exercise. I tend to complicate the simplest things, therby not following through. I am using 3″x3″ post it notes for my new 2 minute routine. I also will go to my local library and check out the book “Willpower”. So glad they have it and it is not checked out.
Angelcat47 says
I started doing a gratefulness prayer every night before bed. It has really changed my outlook on my life.
What struck me most today is about letting go of regrets. I have struggled with letting go of something for 30 years and I just can’t seem to forgive myself. I cry every time I think about it. Anyone have any advice?
Barbara says
Extend loving kindness to yourself the same way you would to a friend. Tell yourself you forgive yourself. If you would not repeat the same action today you are forgiven.
nana says
God forgiven you the moment you repented now forgive yourself . be the Victor not a Victim from what ever it is . Move on ask forgiveness from the other person if choose not to leave it st the alter of God’s love for you both. Enjoy the little things
Ann C says
My suggestion: in your mind picture an empty box. In that box you’re going to put your regrets, all of the ones that have been plaguing you for thirty years. Put the lid on the box tightly. Now wrap the box. Pick a pretty paper and wrap the box and tie a big ribbon on the box. Is it pretty? Ok here is the most important part. Picture Jesus standing in front of you, hand him the box. He will accept it from you. Now turn away and get on with your life. We don’t ever take gifts back once we’ve given them away. If you start to dwell on your regrets remind yourself it,s not yours anymore.He has it & it’s taken care of. This process worked wonders for me. I hope it will help you. I said a prayer for you while writing this.
Eric says
Gratitude is something I try to make a part of my morning routine as well. I like how you broke that down in a simple way. Just writing one thing you’re grateful for down on an index card. I also like the idea of the other ones of writing what you’ll let go of and what you’ll be focused on. Great reminders to start the day off right.
Michelle Cranford says
I’ve been journaling every morning what I’m grateful for but I’m going to add your additional notations. And I learned that making my confessions when I take my walks every day is a really big help to clear the mind and soul.
Anne says
I have been anxious and getting myself worried to death over my financial strain and other trivial issues.I would overthink the nights away but reading Marc and Angel articles regularly have really changed my approach to life and I thank God for the strides that i have made so far.
Cher says
Just about to retire, I’m excited but also a little scared. Been getting up and out to work for almost 37 years… it’s been a big part of my life. Having these ideas to start each day is a good start for my new journey that could make a big difference. Thank you for this!
Lorna says
A great bid thank you to both of you!
It seems that your emails come at the right time in my life.
The easy way that it is all worded is so refreshing and feels achievable.
I get so motivated to follow through on your suggestions, it makes me really happy.
Again thank you for you’d insight!
kiran says
I really like ur articles, I am a muslim and recently in a religious gathering our scholar gave us a task of write daily five things at night for which u r thankful, I also do journaling, I m facing a v difficult situation , divorced n abandoned, need more positivity, best wishes for u
lu says
Thank you for the advice and recommendations. Somehow we all need to get up in the morning and have something to follow that way you make your mind listen. Again thanks for the article I will apply.
Gina says
Thank you for the wonderful article and great tool to add to my morning routine!
Brenda says
Thanks so much for this. As a mum and entrepreneur who always feels I have too much to do to journal daily, this practice I stumbled across by accident is almost certain to change the game for me. Thank you!
Lara A Barnes says
I will let go of the weight I have gained over the last 5 yrs of trauma.
I am grateful for finding this practice today (12-6-22 considering it was posted in 2019).
I will focus on making the two minute practice part of my morning and the rose, rose, thorn, bud a practice when I go to bed.