by Jacob Sokol
“I’d always believed that a life of quality, enjoyment, and wisdom were my human birthright and would be automatically bestowed upon me as time passed. I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live – that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple, happy, uncomplicated life.”
-Dan Millman
Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness. These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives. (Check out her book The How of Happiness.)
I want to honor and discuss each of these 12 points, because no matter what part of life’s path we’re currently traveling on, these ‘happiness habits’ will always be applicable.
- Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Kinda cool right? So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that’s without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense. We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.
- Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
- Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority. Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out! If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made. What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place. If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.
- Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain. (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.) Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside. What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness. How extraordinary is that? Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on. A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin. Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.
- Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships. Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely? WHOA! There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with. We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.
- Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character. Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable. Forrest Gump knows the deal. It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan. It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.
- Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being. You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion. When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system. You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.
- Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still. It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task. Action and awareness are merged. You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional. You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing. Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.
- Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy. It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences. When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic. It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.
- Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force. Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere. When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing. Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.
- Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever. It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists. Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.”
- Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be. If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected. Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft? Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.
Jacob Sokol is committed to living an extraordinary life. Today he released “Living on Purpose – An Uncommon Guide to Finding, Living, and Rocking Your Life’s Purpose.” He also loves his mom dearly.
Photo by: Aurelio Asiain
Minki Kim says
Hi,
Kudos to both you and your blog material.
I am a Structural Integration body alignment specialist and would love to share your work with my clients because I”d like to raise their awareness on the premise that nurturing their psychoemotional health is just as vital as maintaining physical health.
Thank you!
Timo Kiander says
Jacob,
Great post! 🙂
I would like to add to this list that happy people are also productive and passionate about something.
They have found their true purpose and that fuels the productivity.
I guess you kind of touches this topic already in point #10, but still wanted to bring that out.
Cheers,
Timo
Seeker says
I recently quit my job because I was so unhappy. In a down economy when every newscast has a segment about unemployment it was probably crazy to quit without a plan.
Since nobody is going to pay my mortgage for me I do need to find a job but I am doing some serious soul searching about why I was so miserable at work and what I need to do to be happy. I don’t seem to do a good job of weathering the storms of life. In the past I have had success in work and I have a good family, wonderful friends and a partner who loves me dearly. Intellectually I know that life is up and down and the downs are inevitable but I find myself frustrated with this overstressed, overstimulated world I have created. So what is the answer? Change it! Being at crossroads in my life I am forced to change it but the path is not clear to me. Every cell in my body is telling me to not take a job in corporate America yet my financial obligations are such that it does not make sense for me to change careers and start over. Life is short and I know how bad stress is for my health but my real estate is under water and it would require some big decisions for me to dial down my life- creating more stress. One of my bigger struggles is with image. What will people think of me if I walk away from my career or give my house back to the bank? When I told some people I quit my job they looked at me like I had two heads.
Any advice would be welcome….
Ann alka WorkingBoomer says
I love this blog along with the others. It is so true and inspiring. Happiness comes from within. As a single person, still working, and recovering from heart disease and being alone is difficult. I try not to focus on that but focus on what is real. Peace and serenity have no price.
Superdave says
In response to Seeker… Two years ago wife and I did exactly what you describe. We quit our corporate jobs, let our house go back and moved to cheaper part of the country. Scary… Absolutely! But it was the best decision we ever made. The stress level is now far less, I have a lesser-paying, yet more fulfilling job, and we are able to live off only one income. Life is short my friend… Don’t buy in to the system, as I did for so many years!
Zoli says
For the #2.
You can learn optimism:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
Rod and the Pursuit of Happiness says
An impressive list! And I hear you about taking care of the body. Big pharma has its own agenda and it isn’t one of curing ills or taking care of our health. But we can forgive them and help others toward more natural solutions–like you said, “exercise.”
Rod says
This is great, I need to print this out and post it, as a daily reminder. Thank you.
Dorji Wangchuk says
I have started practicing these tips in my life and am already noticing a difference. Thank you.
Zack Buchan says
Well done on a practical and grounded article. It is absolutely consistent with my own experience.
I would only add that having an external locus of control (I am responsible for my own happiness) over an internal locus of control (you are to blame for my unhappiness) is very powerful. Nobody can make you – or me – think or feel anything. Truly embracing this is essential for leading a happy life.
@zack_buchan
Kristen says
Great article, I can’t wait to share this with my massage clients! I love committing random acts of kindness like paying for the cup of coffee for the person behind me in the drive thru. Thanks so much.
Randy says
Beautifully written and VERY inspiring… Thank you!
Dianna says
Wow! I just “stumbled” onto your website and love, love, love it!! 🙂
Mel says
My Grandfather (97) has the same points taped to his fridge, it was printed in the Oregonian, in a different form, about 20 years ago and he liked it. It must be working, he still live independently and is as healthy as a 97 year old can be.
Dhruv says
Amazing read! Concise and packed with wisdom. It was like a morning dose of motivation to keep me going strong.
Debs says
Today my friend sent me this link to read because earlier I declared that I was overwhelmed with life and stressed out. Being proper friends they kicked my butt, and I’m glad I have real friends like that! Being a naturally happy person, I have not cultivated enough mind control when things are overwhelming, but this article is just awesome and I am going to use it, read it, and practice it. Thank you for writing it and posting it! 🙂
Lydia says
@Chibi: I just wanted to reply to your statement of “Surely you wouldn’t tell a diabetic to replace his insulin with exercise?”. That’s actually how my aunt got off insulin. So it is possible. My thought is that if someone needs pills initially to fight their depression, by all means take them. But the goal, in my opinion, would be to get past that need and move on to something that would, from all I’ve heard in ads for anti-depressants, have far fewer posssibilities of, if any, negative side effects.
Ivan Zitek says
Great post, especially about gratitude and about personal health – without your health you will really have nothing. Thanks for the wisdom.
Dr. Puja says
Nice 🙂 So much positive change occurs when a saddened individual makes the decision to adopt even one of these practices. Thanks for putting them all together.
Dr. Puja Wentworth, DC
Jacob says
Big smiles at all the comments. Thanx so much everyone. Honored, blessed, and having a blast watching this explode and touch your lives. Cheers to good times and purposeful paths.
Laura says
Thank you for being you and sharing this insight. This is my first time to your site, it is fabulous. I look forward to exploring the rest of your articles.
Mary Ellen says
Thank you so very much…
I am at the beginning of a spiritual path… I have been sent a few posts about positivity and this one has definitely hit home for me.
I now realise that I was not dealing with all life has to throw at me in a positive way.
I will print and share these points with my kids…
Life is a blessing which we should share with each other. Being nice to one another has a ripple effect. Think of the humble “smile”…
This is my daily good deed. Wishing you all happiness and fulfilment.
Robbie says
Very inspiriational. Thanks to all those who made me feel part of the group. We are all just human.
Morgan (The818) says
Very thought provoking post – I do feel like you’ve outlined things I was better at before life felt so frustrating. Thank you.
Adam says
For those railing against #11, realize that the point separates ‘spirituality OR religion’. Everyone has a personal spirituality; atheism and agnosticism are spirituality, just like mono- or polytheism (or just theism generally). If your connection to the wider universe is through science or politics or empathy with your fellow life forms, great. If your connection is through structures of religion (the institutions, not the personal beliefs), and that works for you, that’s great too. What that point really means is, know in a deep way what, for you, it’s “all about”.
Michael says
Thank you for this amazing article! I’m going to print it out and carry with me at all times. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙂
Devra Wathen says
Your wonderful words of wisdom just came my way and just in the nick of time when I was loosing faith in people during this Holiday time, After reading not just your article but the comments that followed-it renewed my inner spirit and I realized there are amazing, kind spirited, generous, and beautiful people all around us everyday, just hard to see through the masses sometimes. Happy Holidays to all,
Much Aloha,
[email protected]
dragonfly says
Beautiful! I am inspired.
Bret @ Green Global Travel says
Wish I could find a way to practice #8 in a way that would make time ACTUALLY stand still. Every time I get “in the flow” I look up and hours have passed, and the day flies past seemingly in an instant…
Jadam says
My partner (who really needed this bit of advice) read your statement: “If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an older version of yourself” — and he thought you meant literally an older (future, more aged) version of yourself. Which is, if all goes well, a version of yourself that you are not as good as yet. Might wanna tweak the verbiage to “an earlier version”. I assured him that that’s what you meant. 🙂
Update by Marc: Awesome suggestion, Jadam. I made the change you suggested.
Tahlia Newland says
Great post. I think you’ve got all the points there. I do all that and I’m a very happy person no matter what is happening in my life, the only problem I have is that my daughter sometimes accuses me of being too positive.
Scentsy says
This is such great advice and I love the way you were able to simplify happiness is 12 simple steps. The steps that hit home to most to me was 12, taking care of yourself physically and not comparing yourself to others. I think comparison is such a small thing in which most people don’t pay attention but can be so draining. 🙂
Winni-Pig says
Fantastic – will post for myself and print for clients (with credit). Will be coming back, too. Thanks!
Brian says
I just went through a really difficult period and your article has helped me back from a low point. Thank you.
Brian Mcfarlane
LSC says
Being steadfast in Number 1 will bring you all the rest. Gratitude is the most powerful energy source for the manifestation of all good.
Mar Preston says
I’m just discovering you thanks to Twitter. Thanks for the good advice.
Nadia says
Truly an enjoyable read. Thanks very much for this article.
Misha says
Love it!
Anum says
I’d like to add another one to the list (similar to #3): being genuine. In a world that is increasingly fake, and you have to pretend you’re someone you’re not in order to get out, being yourself can give you tremendous joy and free yourself from social chains.
seun says
Yeah, I agree with everything said here. Our hearts must always be open and beautiful to attract good things in life. Speaking with a positive tongue is golden.
Warm regards for this post.
mahfuz says
this post is really worthwhile. we dont need to buy hundreds of voluminous books about happiness. these 12 things enough to achieve happiness in all our lives.
Heather says
# 13: Sing!
Lauren says
Love this list! I learned to forgive when I was around 22 years old and it has served me well since then. I’ve never had to “learn” optimism, I’ve been optimistic my whole life. Even through bouts of depression I KNEW there was something better than the way I was feeling. #9 esp. resonates with me; I’m the one in the family who really sees that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. #11 Practice spirituality. Why? We’re all spiritual whether we, like Troglodyke, dismiss the notion of universal intelligence or whether we are “religious”. To me, spiritual means treating myself well so I can treat others well. I don’t need to practice, either. Filling yourself with “good feelings” through religious practice is okay, if that is what you feel good doing. Spirituality is also about self-growth rather than worshiping something “out there”. So that’s what I take it to mean. I am going to copy and make several copies of this for the people in my life who look at the downside of life.
Suzanne Frazier says
Thank you. What a concise list! I shared it on Twitter!
suzanne
DebToronto says
thanks so much for this post… needed to read this today, especially #1, #7 and… oh heck, the whole darn thing! Merci bien!
Eva Suárez says
Great post. If you don’t mind, I’m going to use it with my ESL students. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Kari says
Great list. If only we could all practice these tips on a regular basis the world would be even more amazing!
I personally find living in the moment something that makes me very happy. It allows me to do all these things because I’m not stressed about the future or regretful about the past – instead I’m just going with the flow and taking it all in stride. It allows me to be kinder and more aware, among many other things.
It’s a personal goal of mine this year to live in the moment as often as possible.
Jean | Delightful Repast says
Discovered this site through a retweet that appeared in my Twitter timeline (@delightfulrepas). Am loving it! I like to dwell on positive things, and a site like this serves the purpose well!
Soni Kaur says
Thank you so much for your inspiring articles.
This list made me smile 🙂
<3
Philip V Ariel says
Thanks Jacob,
I just noticed the note at g+ and posted a comment there. Let me copy it and paste it here the same with a slight change.
Thanks +Ed Fernandez for the share. +Brynn Evans Hey, only #9 & For me all are equally important and in my list # 11 will come as # 1, Yes If a person is Spiritual, I firmly believe that rest all will fall in line with it. A Wonderful New Year Resolution!! 🙂 Thanks, Jacob,Ed, Brynn.
Nice to be here, also I just noticed that there are many valuable thoughts spread around on this blog. I will come back again to check them out.
Best Regards
Phil