When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
- Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
- Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
- Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
- Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
- Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
- Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
- Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
- Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
- Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
- Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
- Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
- Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
- Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
- Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
- Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
- Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
- Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
- Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. (Read Getting Things Done.)
- Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
- Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
- Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
- Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
- Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
- Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
Update: Read our follow-up to this post: 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
Photo by: Rob Brucker
Kelley Dawkins says
Great list. Stopping all of these things leads to a happier and more fun life.
Tovya says
Best self-help article I have heard in a long time. Kudos!
Kurt Fraser says
All very good points , it is a good reminder that we are so very responsible for our own choices , our own happiness or peacefulness . I was feeling sorry for myself and this article has helped me stop that way of thinking . thanks …
cindychewsy says
This is one of the best wake up calls I’ve ever stumbled upon online.
Nate says
This blog is amazing! Keep up the great work. Very compelling and life altering stuff
Jimmy says
Wow, just great. Thanks for the wonderful post. Bookmarking it right now 🙂
Carmen says
I just want to thank you for posting these articles and the other articles on your site. I sometimes get to a point where I am down and in need of sound advice and I turn to your articles. They have truly helped motivate me to be more positive and have a happier outlook on life.
Nixon Varghese says
I am extremely thankful to you for posting this article. It surely make a positive change in many lives. I would definitely share this with friends too. Thanks once again.
Wren says
Great post. I especially like the book recommendations under certain points. This is a list that should be posted in public places! 🙂
Michael says
This is a great read. I posted the link on my FB so others may benefit from it. I will visit this story periodically to keep the points strong in my mind.
Keith says
I am too guilty of a lot of these, Marc.
The trick is to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge when we are actually doing these things. We have a chance then of addressing them. As with everything though it takes conscious efforts to break the habits of a lifetime.
Great list.
Kira says
I know my comment is just one of many, but I want to take the time to sincerely thank you for writing this list. It came at the most perfect time.. Halfway through, tears were streaming down my cheeks, and they still are. Thank you so much; though you don’t know me, you have helped me greatly.
Thank you
Nicole says
Brilliant. Perfect timing and completely resonated with me. I’ve been reading “personal development” content for over 5 years, and every single bullet struck a nerve with me. Never stop what you’re doing. People like you make people like me better, and so on and so forth… the effect is exponential. 🙂 Thank you.
Peter Corso says
This is a very practical and timeless list that is easy to understand. Following this list and applying it will definitely change one’s life for the better. I have been involved with personal development information since my teens, and it has made all the difference in my life. Our lives are a journey, not a end destination. We need to work on these points in our lives for the rest of our lives.
Best Regards,
Pete
Jamie Bonfiglio says
Most inspirational article I’ve read this year.
Victoria says
This post totally rings true! Looking forward to sharing this with my social circles!
Jimi says
Great list. Thank you for taking the time to compose this wonderful advice. This will be printed out and posted on my fridge.
Genie Kipling says
Awesome list. It was exactly what a needed. It made my day. Everything looks brighter and more hopeful now. It was the first time i was on this site, and it was by chance too, unplanned actually, and im glad i found this site. it helped me alot. thanks so much!!! <3
kristina says
This is a very good post! the single line that struck me most is “love when you are ready, and not when you are lonely!”. Thanks! It helps
David says
This is a fantastic list, there is not one that I disagree with. It is so easy to fall into these traps and bad habits unless you are aware of them.
Melissa Curran says
WOW! Perfect advice for really living a life of your dreams. I only wish I had this advice when I was in my early 20’s. I grew up with the constant threat of humiliation and was told I couldn’t do _______ (fill in the blank). Because my parents lived all of the above, I learned all of the above. Many thanks for being blunt and truthful – I hope everyone in the world reads this post!
Harriette says
Thank you so much, before I read this I was really upset over some little stupid things that were ruining my day, but this has made me feel really better, Thank you.
Adrian says
Just in time. These words and life philosophy are just what I needed. I am thankful for this post.
Raunaq says
Hey, thanks so much for sharing this. It made sense to me and helped me.
Rhonda says
I really needed to hear this. Came right on time. I plan to study this everyday.
Matt says
Wow, excellent! Nothing like the bright, scalding, truth to set you free! I love this, and want to live it. I’ll keep it close…
Thank You!
simphiwe says
I really love this- each day I wake up with courage and inspiration and admire to spread this info around to all those who need a positive prospective in their lives.
Jonea says
Thank you for such a thought provoking post.
Julia Robert says
wow…such a valuable article.
Lauren says
After a terribly messy breakup I’ve had a lot of time to reevaluate lessons in my life and it’s refreshing to see many of them so well articulated in this article. Love it. Thanks.
Brina says
As many have said before me, this list has been incredibly insightful and thought-provoking. Something we should all keep close by and read often, to keep ourselves on track to becoming the best version possible of who we really are. Thank you, truly, for your inspiring words.
LeeLee says
Oh, I just stumbled upon your site. I love it! What wisdom lies within it’s pages. What wonderful, quality thinking you have done, and then articulated those thoughts so beautifully for the rest of the world to benefit from. It is my new bible for living. From practical everyday ideas to thought-provoking challenges to reminders of what’s important in life…I love them all. As a committed list-maker myself, your lists will now provide me with prompts to keep things in perspective. Oh, I’m excited about this site! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Kim says
This is a fantastic website, and this article in particular is very inspiring. It is beautifully written and gives advice about issues that everyone struggles with. Thank you for making my day brighter.
edna says
This post is very inspiring. It tackles tough situations in our daily lives with grace and keen wisdom. Thank you.
Rudy says
Marc n Angel
I really love the question from #16..
“What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
When I post this question on my Facebook, many respond from my friends telling me what I have that they want.. That make me realize “Who am I..”
Thanks so much for this awesome post..
Jessica says
Stop Taking on too Many Projects! – that’s a Biggie in my life.
Nicole says
Wow! This list is amazing. I honestly thought you were talking to me for a moment. The first step is identifying where you fall short and trying to work on those things. This is a post that should be read by everyone at least once and ideally more than once. It’s great food for the soul.
April Showers says
Thank you Marc for such an insightful post. Although there are quite a few points in the post, they are all individually very important in themselves. I especially love the first point about spending time with the wrong people as I have had plenty of personal experience of this.
Ravi Putcha says
The wisdom you share lights the path for the rest of us. You are a trailblazer indeed. Cheers!
Jessica says
This list is great. Of course, it’s some common sense as well. For me, anyway, it’ll take time to work on these things. I know I shouldn’t linger on past mistakes or beat my self up when I make a mistake, but those things can’t be fixed over night. Putting myself last has always been my norm. That won’t go away over night either, but I’m working on it. These things take time.
BRC says
“You are not your mistakes.” I have repeated this again and again to myself and revisited this post since the first time I read it over 6 months ago. Thank you.
Josh says
I need to print and frame this.
Donna says
Loved your article!
Great says
Needed this, great timing! Thanks!
Maram says
Great article! I love it.
Dan says
I really appreciated this. I’ll keep this in my “Don’t worry too much”. Thanks!
Sara says
Loved this article! Helped a lot.
Thank you! 🙂
Elizabeth Cottrell says
Oh, the energy we spend on these things… imagine how much greater a mark on the world we could make if we re-channeled it to productive things.
Fantastic post.
loogmai says
Thank you so much, today I woke up at 4 a.m.
This article is totally brightening my day!
Good morning from Thailand 🙂
Diane says
Thank you for posting this, first time on the site… inspirational.