by Ken Wert
In an era of public booty-bouncing and other ubiquitous in-your-face expressions of sensuality, it’s about time we had a new standard of sexy.
Real sexiness is so much more than physical shape and form. It’s more than style and wardrobe, attitude and visible swag. And it’s certainly more than the lopsided exposed skin to covered skin ratio depicted on today’s popular media channels.
We are increasingly in desperate need of a more enduring standard, one that includes more than face and body – one that includes the shape and form of internal qualities, those that add joy and passion to life, those of heart, mind and soul.
“Sexiness is a state of mind – a comfortable state of being.”
The Up-Close-and-Personal Principle
Have you ever seen someone across a crowded room you were immediately attracted to, approached them and got to know the person up close and personal, and then couldn’t remember for the life of you how you ever found them attractive?
On the other hand, have you met someone who had no particular appeal at first glance, and then after getting to know them you suddenly discovered pure sexiness oozing from their pores?
Deep, moving sexiness is more than mere physicality and more than swaying hips and pouty lips. It’s more than broad shoulders and six pack abs. The most enduring form of sexiness is the most endearing trait and the clearest mirror of the human soul: happiness.
It’s time we elevate happiness to its proper place in the sexiness pantheon by learning and applying these seven character traits of happiness (and therefore sexiness):
1. Moral Courage
Happy people stand up for what’s right and don’t get pushed around by peer pressure into the newest fad or trend. They have the courage, conviction and inner strength to do what’s right even while others reshape themselves into ever-shifting expressions of someone else’s standards, becoming shadows of other’s values.
Chameleons are not very sexy creatures. But real men and real women who know what they believe and value, and stand up courageously for those beliefs and values are tremendously sexy!
Happiness requires a degree of confidence that allows us to believe we have value, that we are worthy of love and friendship and success. Happy people have faith in themselves and in their ability to develop the skills and qualities needed to become highly competent at living life well.
Keep in mind, though, that it’s not the pseudo-confidence that hides insecurities under cocky exteriors that shout their accomplishments and exaggerate their strengths and experiences. It’s a humble self-acceptance and self-love that genuinely feels comfortable in their own skin.
Not much is sexier than someone who humbly exudes self-confidence.
They say nice people finish last, but that’s just not true. As a matter of fact, jerks are never completely trusted or respected by people who respect themselves. Happy people are thoughtful people. They consider the needs of others. Making a difference, in fact, takes center stage in their lives; it’s an important part of their self-identity.
Their thoughtfulness is measured in how they treat others, including those they don’t know, and in countless silent acts of kindness. If you’re not convinced that thoughtful people are both happy and sexy, just ask anyone in a loving relationship with a few years under their belt how sexy thoughtfulness is to them and how thoroughly unsexy its opposite is.
Happiness at its highest level includes living a life of passion and purpose. Happy lives are directed lives, pointed at something deeply meaningful. The happiest amongst us are excited about living because every day offers them another opportunity to do what they love, because truly passionate people have many interests, they are rarely bored, adrift or indolent.
Passion and purpose are ‘sexiness’ personified. Sexy people love life and love people and love what they spend their time doing. You may know people who are impassioned by nothing, who sit around and waste ungodly amounts of time. Are they sexy? Not at all.
Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying lives? Me either. Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.
And just as happy people never blame others, external circumstances or the universe for what is or isn’t a part of their lives, sexy people don’t either. Just think about the epitome of the unsexy: A whiny, sniveling, accusing, blaming, irresponsible victim of life. Not happy. Not sexy.
Liars hide from the truth. They lack the courage to stand up to the reality of their lives. They hide behind words and camouflage – their hidden agenda behind a web of stories and verbal slights of hand. Happy people don’t live that way. Honesty is a hallmark of the happiest amongst us. It is also a characteristic of the dangerously sexy.
There is no sexiness in a liar. They breed distrust. As a matter of fact, lying is one of the quickest ways to ruin a beautiful relationship. Indeed, trust is one of the sexiest characteristics of the singularly sexy.
Happy people are authentic. They are real and know who they are and what they like. They are in touch with their feelings and spend time learning and growing and developing. Self-accepting people may forgive themselves of their own shortcomings, but they don’t excuse them.
They look their weaknesses square in the eye, accept them as they are, then go to work growing and improving and transforming them into strengths. Self-acceptance is never used as an excuse for stagnation or laziness or apathy by the truly self-accepting.
Someone with that kind of inner calm, self-awareness and forward momentum is almost universally considered sexy and attractive to others.
Our superficial culture honors the young and thin. It holds up the tall and full-lipped and big-bosomed as the epitome of sexy. But that’s a woefully shallow brand of sexiness. That’s a standard of sexy that is only skin deep, lacking substance and depth; it misses the point of true and enduring sexiness.
After all, youth eventually fades to gray, vertebrate compress, our thin parts plump and our plump parts thin, lips wrinkle and skin sags.
On the other hand, intelligence deepens, wisdom expands, experience informs, character lifts, hearts are softened and intellectual backbones stiffen with time and effort.
Sexiness can therefore no longer be held hostage to a superficial culture addicted to taut skin on bony frames with sculpted faces. It’s time to take back the very notion of sexiness and recast it in the mirror of more profound and enduring qualities.
It’s time, in a word, to establish happiness as the new standard of sexy.
But a single voice can’t do much to change the cultural ideal. So please spread the word… to take the message of sexy happiness far and wide. Like and Tweet and otherwise share this post if you are ready to lift a new standard from the tired ashes of a jaded concept.
Perhaps as a happy byproduct, more of us will be able to look in the mirror with confidence and walk away with a strut, knowing we’re deeply and happily hot.
What character traits make a person attractive in your eyes? What are the top qualities you look for in a significant other or a close friend? Share your thoughts with the community by leaving a comment below.
Author Bio: Ken Wert blogs at Meant to be Happy where he inspires readers to live with purpose, act with character, think with clarity and grow with courage on the way to a life of happiness. Sign up for his free eBook, A Walk Through Happiness! Or follow him on Twitter.
Photo by: Rhiannon Daire