“The world is full of struggle. It is also full of overcoming.”
Character and wisdom are both sculpted over time. These qualities come with loss, lessons, and triumphs. They come after doubts, second guesses, and exploring unknowns. If there was a definitive path to personal growth, everyone would be on it. Truth be told, the seeds of your success are often planted in your past failures, and some of your best stories will likely come from overcoming your greatest struggles.
Marc and I learned all of that the hard way. Over the past fifteen years we have dealt with several significant hardships, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, betrayal from a business partner, an unexpected breadwinning employment layoff, and more. These experiences were brutal. Each of them knocked us down and kept us down for a while. But when our time of mourning was over after each tragedy, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
So my challenge to you today is this: Start looking at life’s hard realities and challenges as paths that ultimately lead to your growth. Easier said than done, of course, but here are some key points to consider:
1. The first few steps forward are rarely easy.
The beginnings to good things are often the hardest, but it’s these hard steps that pave the way to better times. Be strong and keep going; it will be worth it in the end. The greatest miracle of your success from this point forward will not be that you finished, it will be that you found the strength and courage to begin, again and again.
And remember, it’s not that those who are strong never get weak in the knees, or that they never hold their breath just before they embark, it’s that while their knees are shaking they still encourage themselves to inhale as they take the next tiniest step.
2. Progress comes slowly and gradually.
There are no shortcuts. Progress comes from the process. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine. So trust the journey you are on. And remind yourself that true purpose has no time limit. True purpose has no deadline. Don’t stress and overwhelm yourself. Just do what you can, consistently.
Truly, persistence is the single most common characteristic of high achievers in all walks of life. They simply refuse to give up on the things that matter most to them. They have learned that the longer you hang in there, the greater the chance that something will gradually happen in your favor.
3. You will always have less control than you desire.
The only thing you can absolutely control in life is how you react to things out of your control, and there’s a lot you can’t control. The better you adapt to this reality, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows. In other words, the most powerful changes happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over everything you don’t.
As your life unfolds, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better. You simply don’t have to control everything to find growth, happiness, or success. You just need to do your best every day, let go, and let life happen the way it’s supposed to. Because oftentimes the outcomes you can’t change end up changing you and helping you grow. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
4. You can’t avoid risk without avoiding life.
As Henry David Thoreau once said, “When it’s time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.”
Living is a risk. Happiness is a risk. If you’re not a little uncertain sometimes, then you’re not doing it right. Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try. Worry about the life you’re not living and the joy you’re forgoing, as you merely exist in the safety of your comfort zone 24/7. Give yourself permission to be one of the people who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them and grew stronger.
5. Your biggest daily problems are often in your head.
The mind is indeed your biggest battleground on a daily basis. It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides. It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations get the best of you. And it’s where you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again. Truly, the primary cause of unhappiness and defeat on the average day is rarely the current situation, but instead your inner resistance to it. Inner growth on the other hand usually comes down to acceptance of the current situation, and then taking constructive action.
Human beings become quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do great things, right now, without needing anything more. When you gain trust in yourself and the present moment, you have discovered the first secret of growth and success. Because finding your way is not about going somewhere new every second; it’s about seeing familiar ground in new ways. Once you do, you will realize the only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them. (Read “The Last Lecture”.)
6. Long-term happiness can’t be bought; it must be earned.
To paraphrase Dave Ramsey, too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know. Don’t be one of them. Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. Have incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets.
Seriously, if you’d rather be surrounded by pristine objects of little significance rather than by loads of fulfilling memories, stay focused on acquiring tangible possessions. Otherwise, stop fixating on things you can touch and start caring about the things that touch you. Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for something that makes us feel alive. It’s your duty to find it and keep it lit. Promise yourself that you will stay true to your loves, your values, and your purpose through thick and thin. Let your heart and mind work as one. Do what it takes so that one day, many moons from now, you can look back at your life, take one final breath, and crack an honest smile.
7. Not everyone will support you.
If you take every insult or rude remark personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to agree with everyone, everyone doesn’t have to agree with us, and that it’s OK. As Bruce Lee once said, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” Live by this quote. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget.
Of course, it takes time to learn how to NOT judge yourself through someone else’s eyes, but once you do the world is yours to explore freely. We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own life, and we will never be happy or successful if we try to live someone else’s idea of it. So give up worrying too much about what others think of you. And remember that taking a step back to gracefully walk away from situations that threaten your peace of mind, values, morals, or self-worth, is almost always a healthy and necessary step forward.
8. You are better off without some people in your daily life.
It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you. Notice who sticks around and who doesn’t, and be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandoned, and the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable.
Bottom line: Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.
9. You can’t have joy in life without some occasional pain.
Chuck Palahniuk once said, “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Some pain and sadness is necessary. Everything in life is two-sided. You can’t expect to feel pleasure without ever feeling pain, joy without ever feeling sorrow, confidence without ever feeling fearful, hope without ever feeling uncertain, etc. There is no such thing as a one-sided coin in life, with which you can buy a pain-free, trouble-free life.
Yes, life is a series of highs and lows — an adventure that requires you to take chances and actions that have the possibility of both success and failure, positive and negative outcomes, etc.
10. Life is always changing, day by day.
Growth can be painful, change can be painful, but in the end nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong. So be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, accept it and change your thoughts about it. And whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head.
Of course, there will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. You might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine. Sometimes it’s just a matter of us staying as present and positive as possible in order to make it to see the sun break through the clouds again.
And remind yourself that the trick on the average day is to enjoy the little things. Don’t wish away all your days waiting for better ones ahead. Just do your best to appreciate where you are. You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the progress and lessons. Take them and make the best of things right now.
It’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to make your growth a priority today – to give yourself a chance to fully embrace the reminders above. Because your growth won’t always be a priority to others, and it won’t just happen automatically. Practice taking better care of yourself, moving forward, giving yourself grace along the way, and becoming a more reliable part of your own daily support system.
And before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Trey Ratcliff
Mike says
Your essays and letters have helped me grow and keep moving forward. Accepting life on life’s terms, is not easy, but accepting and reacting in the right way makes it rewarding. Thank you for your insights that help me daily.
Christopher Roy says
Yall’ do good work! Never read a article that was not awesome and right on point.
DD says
Your posts … say it all!
Your words speak volumes.
Many of these points resonate deeply with today me at 71.
I forward your emails to those that show great promise in moving forward.
Thank you again and again…
Keep em coming, cause you both are gradually changing the World for the better.
Kris Cook says
I’m glad I was given this article today in my feed. This article was a blessing. I went through a thunderstorm today like you said. I like the part about where it’s time to take care of yourself. My aunt told me that today. Then you confirmed. I need to work on myself. I’m going through a lot right now and I need to fix myself and heal. Your article really hit the spot today. It’s just what I needed. I appreciate your article and help. Thank you.
Glenda says
“Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.”
Permission to walk away from what you thought was a good friendship, but in reality you know that the friendship has caused you a lot of anxiety with push-pull behaviour.
It’s hard being around someone with a broken radiator. And it’s also interesting to observe, how they step forward / are confused when you step back and put up boundaries.
I’m still a work in progress, but I am learning to give the gift of my absence, whilst still being friendly as we do need to spend time together
Wise words, as often we hear that we must hold onto friendships – thank you.
Annuja says
Thank you for your articles and words. Truths of life delivered gently firmly and positively. So many people from across the world we share our human experiences and trials and feel lost and alone many times. Your words provide solace and small hope in difficult moments. Thank you.
Marina Chase says
Your articles are a great inspiration to me. They fuel my days to keep on the positive side.
Elle says
What beautiful and comforting words! My life has been about toxic family ties, painful scapegoating, learning this late in life to finally let them go because they were never mine and never truly wanted me in the first place. Now i can fly, I have an amazing husband who stuck by me and my love for rescuing animals has saved me more than you would ever know. I’ve redefined my life and my boundaries.
Sad that I’ve had to go to nasty lengths sometimes to shake up the muck to let it leave me, but to hold on and know that I forgive them and I forgive myself is powerful and in my faith I am free.
Thank you once again for what you do!
Mary Ann says
I love you both for your refreshing insight on life.
This article came up in my email inbox today and man, it just so hits home. I lost my job a few months ago because my position was being eliminated. This after being there 10 years and being told on the morning of my 10th anniversary. The job ended, life moved on then a few weeks ago, my job, same title and all, shows up on Indeed. The feeling of anger and frustration started all over again. It’s been sticking with me and hard to shake, especially finding out a co-worker had a lot to do with it, all the while acting supportive.
This line among so many helped me so much today:
‘The greatest miracle of your success in life will not be that you finished, it will be that you found the strength and courage to begin.’ – thanks for that. I needed that today and most every day.
May life bless you as you continue this work. You touch so many peoples life with your words. I personally just wanted to express my appreciation.
Dana Smith says
I have pulled so many things from this email/essay. Like I can’t even tell you How much it meant. I have struggled so much trying to move past a unilateral decision that has ruined a friendship and potential romantic relationship. It has been so tough Reckoning with the reality of that decision And the loss it Created has been devastating. I tried to figure it out And move forward, but I struggle daily with it. But I have clipped so many sentences out of this essay that I’m going to string together and give myself that daily affirmation of these very important things that I must keep in mind in order to move forward and be the person that I know that I am and I’ve always held out to be. I could never take back the egregious mistake that I made, but that I can and will figure out how to move forward.
Chandra Melton says
I loved this bc I’ve been holding on to the motorcycle accident I was involved in recently. I know I’m still healing from my injuries but I’m just ready for it all to be in the past. And you said it perfect- thunderstorms will come but so will the sun. So I just need to focus on the fact that I survived and be thankful for my healing daily. Your words help a lot so thank you guys so much!
Mary Stephenson says
It is always about a new chapter in life. Forgetting the regrets to get past them is definitely difficult. Like you say whats done is done. Trying to close chapters and open up a new one. It has been a hard lesson to realize the promises of someone else being on the same journey and then making it impossible to count on them. For the last 3 months I have decided my goal has to be my own and I will figure it out. Jumping outside of my comfort zone. At the end of the day it is only me that I can count on 100 percent. So, the journey has begun, even if it is slower than I hoped. But each day taking at least one step further should be noticeable after a year on this new invented me. Always find your writings inspiring.
Daniel Porter says
Such simple, and yet profound insights and wisdom! This article showed up just when I needed it and I am so grateful for you guys. I was sorry to hear more about the hardships you’ve been through in the past, but not surprised you have overcome them and used them for good.
Sherlynn McKenzie says
I read your posts almost daily, and they have thus far helped me through some difficult times. After 40 yrs of marriage, and at the age of 60, never thought I would be in a middle of a divorce. Losing my home, my medical care, and my lifestyle, etc. But, during this stressful time, its not over yet; my true friends have surfaced giving me support. I’ve found my independance, and true delf that I had lost during those years of marriage. I;m working on trust again. It’s been difficult after being betrayed by the one person who I put my trust into for many years, the one I sacrificed things in my life for, the one who I gave children to, etc. I livente my life now one day at a time. I am thankful that I am strong enough to avoid chemicals to burry the pain, frustration, missery; as I know those things are temporay and often times lead to more problems. My journey just started recently. I’m hopeful I will have the strength to get though this and rebuild my life so I am happy again to live the remaining years I have left.
Lisa says
This essay really resonated with me. I really appreciate how you find the words to say what I need to hear. Thank you
Gavin says
Great content. Eye opening advice that has the power to truly help people that may not be in the best place and even those that just want to get better.
sandybeach91 says
Great writeup. I can relate to this so much. It’s so true, and painful for me. I have not lived to my ownorals. Beliefs and values because of a manipulative and abusive marriage. I have learned a lot about myself and why on so many parts how I got into such a mess. I gave so much, now my very own health may be on the line. The lifestyle of the stress and abuse played havoc. I pray my tests are not the end of me. I will find a way for change if I am okay, I need it as I have been destroying myself living like this. It will be a tragedy if knowing I did nothing to make life changes and gave literally my life to all this I’ve been through to someone who caused me so much turmoil and grief.
Lou says
YES LIFE HUMBLES US IN MANY WAYS, BUT YOU ALWAYS SAY IT BEST — IT DOES’T MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK AND YES WE LEARN FROM OUR FAILURES AND STRUGGLES. BUT THE ONE THING I LIKE IS “BE WHERE YOU ARE” — DON’T WAIT FOR IT TO GET BETTER, LIKE WHAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER SAID. TAKE WHATS IN FRONT OF YOU AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT.
Beverley Swartz says
Thank you for the encouragement.Your insight to life is so empowering and relevent.We have to face the thunderstorms but know that the sun will come out.Thank you so much.Just wanted to acknowledge my appreciation to you both.
Smitha says
At a time when I am at an all time low, your words feel so soothing and meaningful to me. I just needed such words and thoughts that are real eye openers. Thanks a ton for motivating me to live my life to the fullest!