This post has been updated and moved to here:
Stop Worrying About What Others Think of You: 7 Tips for Feeling Better
Photo by: Cia de Foto
Practical Tips for Productive Living
This post has been updated and moved to here:
Stop Worrying About What Others Think of You: 7 Tips for Feeling Better
Photo by: Cia de Foto
Susan Rae says
You’ve inspired me to worry less about what others think of me.
Linda says
Worry less about other people’s opinions of you! YES!
Jamie Jansen says
Thank you.
Geraldine says
Your beautiful words are so timely. I am just plucking up courage to ask someone if they would publish some of my work in their magazine. This article is another push from the Universe to make me realise I can do it, it’s not about “plucking up courage” but more about just being my natural self and going for my goals without fear of what other people think. Rejection and mistakes are part of life and show that we’re trying. Thank you, as ever, for your wisdom.
David Carroll says
I think it’s a good idea to acknowledge the emotional side of rejection first. When it happens, it hurts – there’s no getting around that. So allow that part of the process to happen.
But as soon as possible, start looking at it objectively, without emotion. Why did it happen? What can you learn from it? What does it tell you about yourself? What does it tell you about the other person?
Rejection is truly a priceless learning opportunity and one should take solace in the fact that we’re always a little bit stronger for having experienced it.
Mitch says
I tend to have CRUSHES on complete strangers, fantasizing about relationships that can NEVER be.
Steve Russell says
Thanks for this helpful and practical article. From my own experience as a church leader, I have found that the fear of man can often take root when I lack a personal sense of direction, vision and identity. When we strive for affirmation from those around us we can so easily sacrifice our own goals in order to comply with the wishes or even agendas of others. The result is that even though we feel a sense of belonging in the long run it can further disempower us. Collaboration and team work is good, but when we continually adjust our own values in order to gain acceptance it becomes counter productive. The fear of man brings a sabre that wraps itself around our hearts and minds and ultimately strangles the life out of us. We must always press through the inevitable pain barrier of fear in order to achieve what we feel and desire. Facing up to life’s rejection ms is an excitable and important step on the journey of discovering who we really are and what we are called to do…..
Amandah says
Good one!
I especially resonated with, “Being more confident in life partly means being OK with not knowing what’s going to happen, so you can relax and allow things to play out naturally. Relaxing with “not knowing” is the key to confidence in relationships and peace in life.” I’m working on letting go, again. This one is a tough life lesson for me to learn. But I’m working on it.
K.D.Adams says
Wow, timing! Mentioned in an earlier response that in giving Memoir Writing Workshops, your site is referenced repeatedly. Through your collaborative process, Marc and Angel, something almost uncanny emerges–tough yet accessible viewpoints that uplift us at deep levels.
I use “Your Truth Matters” to encourage writers in their search for wholeness, during presentations. Yet too readily I forget to apply the advice, after a lifetime of relying on fleeting impressions of others’ outward appearance and opinion. Thanks for this reminder to check my own compass for direction!
claire says
This post was particularity spot on for me. Our family moved every 18 – 24 months and I was always the new kid who didn’t fit in (kids had already formed their bonds and made best friends). I am in my late fifties and still feel I am on the periphery of life. Fear has consumed me. I like what you have to say here — I will concentrate more on #4, 6 & 7. Thank you.
Louise says
Thank you for sharing this, especially your own personal journey. Thank goodness you did give ‘Marc and Angel Hack Life’ a go – I think your site is fantastic and I’m thankful for your skill in writing, sharing and making a difference to me and no doubt many others. Thank you and all the best.
Elzbth says
My mother used to use rejection as a form of punishment, or discipline. Can you imagine how that felt as a small child? As a teenager she would continue with statements such as this….”The only reason you get asked out by boys is because boys like the color of your hair. It’s not because you have anything to offer, because you don’t. You have no personality, you are just an empty shell. No, it’s just the color of your hair because that is all you have.” I had to eventually learn, that I could not so my mother from dating these things to me. I could not stop her way of thinking…our her actions. I could only stop the fact that I felt hurt from this kind of nonsense. It took a long time to get rid of the behaviors I had acquired from listening to her. I craved compliments from her so much….now neither compliments nor nasty comments make any difference whatsoever. Her words…all of them….mean nothing. That is because they ALL come from a warped place.
Kristi says
All I can say is Thank You! I too always look for reassurance, always thinking I don’t measure up. Thanks for putting it in perspective–and a perspective that I will need to keep reassuring myself of. Bless you.
Lunatuh says
I love the things you write. Really, there’s truth and very good advice in there, but it’s lots of theory. Could you please give some suggestions as how we could take these beliefs and advice and actually put them in action? I’ve always found it difficult to bring some of these things into action and often I get stuck. I’ve always learned better through use and practice of something.
Adejoke says
Thank you for your blog posts. The topics are resourceful, timely and impeccable. They have and continue to help, guide and direct me in these challenging times. Thank you for caring and sharing. I am grateful and kindly appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness, expressed through the words. Thank You!
Happy Holidays!
Heather says
I encourage readers to share this article with any teens in their lives. Teens are so vulnerable to perceived rejection, and it can quickly spin out of control. In my opinion this article should be required reading for teens.
Melissa Webster says
Haha! I don’t know how you do it, but you always manage to say exactly the right thing in exactly the moment I need it most.
1) I ruined some important relationships out of fear, and when that “self-fulfilling prophesy” came into my life from a completely different source, like a few days ago, it wasn’t the painful, life-shattering problem I expected it to be, but the loss of those relationships due to the misunderstandings I created because of that fear will be something I’ll regret for a while.
On the plus side, the experience has inspired and motivated me to rise above it and create something even better. It was a powerful lesson learned.
2) Asking myself these questions will really help to ease the anxiety. Great advice!
3) This is so true. Short-sighted opinion and people not “seeing” what they have that’s right in front of them is something I’ve been dealing with for almost three years. It’s frustrating and it’s made me question my own judgement and instincts, but I’m finally able to accept that it’s beyond my control. I can’t make people see what I see. I can’t make people understand and feel passionately about the potential of my vision. It isn’t about me or them. It’s just that we’re on different journeys.
4) I used to be really good at ignoring petty, inconsequential things. It made me oblivious and/or unsympathetic to the little things other people care about, and my indifference was often misunderstood, but made for a more peaceful life. I’d forgotten it for a while, but I’m finally starting to let those little petty things go again.
5) “Not knowing” is something that completely derails me, but I’m finally learning to compartmentalize it and stick it on the backburner to examine later, while I focus on the good, positive things in my life.
It was a hard lesson to learn, but now that I’m getting faith in my instincts back and trusting them again, my new rule of thumb is to follow my gut to what makes me feel calm and peaceful and happy. If it makes me feel anxious, burdened, unhappy, neurotic and insecure, then it’s wrong. Flat-out the wrong path, approach, relationship or project.
The moment I started implementing this rule of thumb a few weeks ago, after almost a year of not doing it, it opened up a happy, amazing path that makes me feel alive and creative again.
6) This is the hardest one for me. I hate being alone and long to be part of an exciting collaborative project, and to have the support, security and protection of a tight-knit circle of friends. The users, takers, wannabees and hangers-on take their toll.
I’m told that all great leaders go through this as they make their way to the top, that individuality and “standing out” pretty much ensures you won’t be part of the crowd or “belong” and in the long run, that’s a really good thing. By the time you make it, you know the difference and can choose wisely who you let into your life. I’m taking this to heart and hoping like hell it’s a sign I’ll one day be a great leader who chooses my friends wisely, and not that I’m just an unlikeable person nobody wants to be friends with.
The project I’m working on now “feels” like it has the potential of being an exciting collaborative project, but I guess the friend thing will take time.
7) Again with the “not knowing”. I’d rather be rejected and know exactly where I stand so I can learn from it and move on than the alternative, but sometimes this isn’t possible because people avoid hurting someone’s feelings. When this is the case, I’ve learned to ignore the rejection and focus on other projects that make me happy and empower me. This helps eliminate the sting of the rejection.
Thank you for this list. It really puts things in perspective.
Melissa
Kris says
This is REALLY helpful to me. I hope I remember to revisit this when I am feeling rejected. I say “feeling rejected” because that is what it is most of the time. Very rarely, and usually when applying for a job, am I outright rejected. It is usually my reaction to someone’s words, actions, facial expressions etc. I have even been told on numerous occasions that I reject others and that is certainly not my intention. It just goes to show that assumptions are damaging.
Thanks again!
maria says
Thanks guys! l was a prisoner to myself because I was recently dumped, but now I am beginning to see he wasn’t worth my affection anyway.
Whitney says
This came right on time. I needed to read this!
Ben says
What an interesting and inspiring post… I struggle with the fear of rejection almost every day.
Keep it up and thank you so much. I am learning from you.
Jay says
One comment struck me and made me realize where the need for acceptance, in my case, had come from. If you’ve been told as a child incessantly that you are inadequate, useless, deserving of abuse, and a burden, then I think you have an over-abundant need for acceptance just to live. I grew up with all of that and it has taken years to get my head on straight. Keys to the small successes as time went by came from sources such as you, who delivered insightful, supporting messages at strategic times that helped me grow from the inside out. I now have strength, those who created an insecure human being are deceased, and the peace, comfort and strength I now possess helps me truly enjoy life and empathize with others in the same situation.
Michelle says
Another FANTASTIC post!!! Thank you for sharing your wisdom, insight, and experience! 🙂 What I have practiced more in the last year has been allowing space in silence and breathing for it to run it’s course w/o me taking action on my “knee jerk reaction”. This has helped a lot for defusing myself, and not doing something I would regret or perpetuate an issue that isn’t even an issue.
Mindy says
This is HANDS DOWN the best blog of yours I have read to date. I love your blog and read it regularly. However, this one spoke to me not only for myself but for so many people I know. This blog inspired me to take the step to buy your book, not one copy but 5 so I can share your wise words and practical tips with people I love so very much. Thank you so much for what you do. It changes lives for the better 😀
Betsy says
I struggle with #1, fear is fear itself, and #6, being an individual. Have always been a people pleaser, and never thought of me as being first. Some of these comments are so true to the heart, it’s like everyone is talking to me alone.
I agree with so many of you people, it’s amazing and scary at the same time.
Very interesting reads. Thank you again all.
Anthony says
I will put into action your ideas and advice, what I have realized is that we have to step out of our comfort zone to grow stronger.
Suketu says
Thanks a lot..I needed this at this very moment. You are just great..
sakthi says
Awesome… Thanks a lot for the wonderful post. Extremely helpful.
Lorna says
Like so many of the other readers, I too am still working on letting go of the fear of rejection. Inner child work, bringing my consciousness into the present moment and allowing the pain to have its time and place have all helped me to loosen my grip on this old identity of being “unworthy”… but most of all, taking life one day at a time and surrendering to the grace of God are what gets me through the tough days.
km says
Thank you.
I’m taking this post to my psychologist appointment today to help me take actionable steps.
You are all an inspiration.
Christine Pitt says
Thank you both for overcoming your own fear of rejection by never giving too much power to what others “may” think about you. I applaud you for your courage and persistence in writing these blog posts.
Wishing you both continued success & happiness!
Chris Newton says
Very helpful post, thanks for posting it!
Michael says
Thank you for this post; it is what I needed because I have met a nice girl recently, and I’m in constant fear of rejection, but after reading this article fear just left me. I already know what mistakes I could have made, but thanks to this knowledge I’m already more experienced than I was few days ago.
Happy new year everyone! And thanks again!
Marc Chernoff says
@All: Thank you so much for the insight and kind remarks. I’m happy that so many of you found this post helpful. Above all, just remember, someday you’ll realize that every time you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were just being pointed toward something better.
And to those who purchased our book, thanks for supporting our work. 🙂 We greatly appreciate you.
Julia says
Your words are always encouraging and offer realisations that can change your outlook and reactions to situations. In my life I have always been concerned with the opinion of others possibly due to a lack of self love which I am working on. This blog was very helpful in not allowing other peoples judgements to contaminate my world.
Navin Israni says
Good article. Spoke my mind 🙂
Ernie says
Excellent article! The ones who do the rejecting are the ones who have the problem cuz of their fear of the unknown & lack of understanding.
Nikhil says
I cannot tell you how thankful I am today to have come across this article. A girl for whom I gave 7 years of my life left me at a crucial point in my life. So much was the stress, that I lost half of my hair and gave into some chronic depression. But I have picked myself up and improving.
God bless you for writing such an incredible article and may god give strength to all of those who are struggling due to various reasons!
Lizzy says
Sometimes we live with fear for so long it becomes an unconscious habit… it was only when I became truly mindful of fearing almost everything; I decided to pay attention to my fear thoughts and actions so I could wrap them up and move on regardless of my fear!
cathy says
i have been in a relationship for a year with someone who comes close and then runs away. its like hes waving me in while holding a stop sign. he knows that his silence hurts me and he uses it when he feels i’m too content with him. i am not proud of the ways in which i have behaved. today i have had no contact from him because yesterday he didn’t like what i was saying to him. i looked up fear of rejection and found your sight. it reminded me of coping skills i had forgotten, thank you for that.
i also have to look at my past relationships because i made sure i left first so i could not be left by someone. and in general even though i put on a brave front. it bothers me when everyone doesn’t like me. i have made progress and i am trying to really end this unhealthy relationship. i am worth it. thank you again
Jane says
Thanks for this post, Marc.
I will focus on how I DO want to feel rather than on how I don’t want to feel. I will focus on what I want to happen and not on what I don’t want to happen.
My fear of rejection used to be so strong, but now I am healed and able to manage my emotions. I want to continue to work towards my goals without worrying about what people think.
Elana says
Wow! I had no idea how many people struggled the way I have. It can be so confusing sometimes though, trying to work out when my feelings are rational or irrational. I’m a work in progress and I have times in my life when those feelings bubble up to the surface. On my better days I remind myself that I am not the center of the universe and people have other things going on that have nothing to do with me, so if they are quieter than normal then it could be anything. I’m working hard at putting myself out there more and asking people out which is paying off. I’ve always waited in the past to be asked out or given a clear indication ( like a neon sign) that the other person likes me enough to want to catch up.
On the other side of things when the signs have actually all been there that I’m in an unhealthy relationship with someone that I actually don’t trust I’ve held on, in the hope that I’m wrong. Second guessing myself until I react in a spectacular way because the situation has worn me down emotionally.
Lisa says
I thought I was part of this group of 4 women who are all divorced. They seem to be excluding me now though.
Didn’t help to see a New Year’s Eve photo of them together. I wasn’t invited. Another time I tried to hook up with them at a brew fest but never made the connection. They all found each other though.
My question is should I say something like “It’s obvious from your FB posts you all are content with your group as is or I wasn’t a good match for it. So, I won’t bother you all again.”
Or just let it go and focus on the friends I have that do want to be with me? It’s a one way friendship so should I unfriend them from FB?
Love your blog by the way.