“Being alone never felt right. Sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.”
— Charles Bukowski
“This morning I felt lost and alone as I was driving home after a brutal breakup with my boyfriend. I turned on the radio and the Michael Jackson song ‘You Are Not Alone’ was playing. A few seconds later, at the exact moment the chorus began, I passed a huge billboard sign with big black letters that read, ‘YOU ARE NOT ALONE!’”
That’s the opening paragraph of an email I received today from a reader named Ella. It made me smile because I love when life delivers seemingly coincidental, positive messages like that, right when we need them most.
However, the rest of Ella’s email further described her ongoing struggle with feeling “lost and alone” in life. Which got me thinking…
Why do people have to feel this way? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them craving connection, and looking for specific experiences and people to satisfy them, yet inadvertently isolating themselves in the process. Why? Was the planet put here just to nourish our loneliness?
The more I’ve experienced and explored my own feelings of uncertainty and loneliness, the more I’ve realized how necessary these feelings are. It’s good for us to spend time exploring unknowns, alone. It gives us an opportunity to discover who we really are and what life is all about.
Here are some things to keep in mind when you feel lost and alone:
1. You are not alone in being alone.
So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you. We are all in this together. So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, know that there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie. There’s always someone who can relate to you. Perhaps you can’t immediately talk to them, but they are out there, and that’s all you need to know right now.
2. Sometimes when you’re lonely, you need to be alone.
Sometimes you need to be alone, not to be lonely, but to enjoy a little free time just being yourself and finding your way. In other words, the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself. This is one of life’s cruelest ironies.
We need solitude, because when we’re alone we’re detached from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts and feel what our intuition is telling us. And the truth is, throughout your life there will be times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you. (Read Quiet: The Power of Introverts.)
3. You have to be a little lost first to find what you’re looking for.
Not until you are lost in this world can you begin to find your best path. Realizing you are lost is the first step to living the life you want. The second step is leaving the life you don’t want. Making a big life change is pretty scary. But you know what’s even scarier? Regret.
I can tell you from my own life experience that I’ve found love, lost it, found it, lost it and then I found it once again. But each time what I found was more incredible than the last. So remember that everyone suffers in life at some point. Everyone feels lost sometimes. The key is using your experiences to grow. When you apply what you’re learning to your future choices and actions, you move forward not backward. You become stronger and wiser. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it in the end.
4. It’s all about accepting the reality of what is.
You cannot find peace by avoiding life. Life spins with unexpected changes; so instead of avoiding it, take every change and experience as a challenge for growth. Either it will give you what you want or it will teach you what the next step is. And remember, finding peace in life does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no challenges, and no hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things while remaining calm in your heart.
Honestly, life is too short to spend at war with yourself. The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. Letting go of needless expectations is your first step to happiness. Come from a mindset of peace and acceptance, and you can deal with almost anything and grow beyond it.
5. In every situation, YOU choose your attitude.
Be determined to be positive. Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude. A happy person is not a person who’s always in a good situation, but rather a person who always has a good attitude in every situation. So smile at those who often try to begrudge or hurt you; show them what’s missing in their life and what they can’t take away from you. Doing so doesn’t mean forgetting or giving in, it means you choose happiness over hurt. (Read Buddha’s Brain.)
6. Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.
The trouble is not always in being alone; it’s being lonely in the presence of others. One can be lonely in the midst of a crowd. Wouldn’t you agree? So keep this in mind and choose your relationships wisely. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. And when you do decide to come back for someone, do so because you’re truly better off with this person. Don’t do it just for the sake not being alone.
7. Everyone you care about does NOT need to support your decisions.
Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway. Follow your intuition. Following your intuition means doing what feels right, even if it doesn’t look or sound right to others. Only time will tell, but our human instincts are rarely wrong. Even if things don’t turn out as you anticipated, at least you won’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks; just keep living and speaking your truth.
Ultimately, you know you’re on the right track in life when you become uninterested in looking back, and eager to take the next step, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
8. You are not who you used to be, and that’s OK.
You’ve been hurt; you’ve gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today. Over the years, so many things have happened – things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow. As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed. Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’ve changed. That’s what life is all about. I’m still the same human being, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”
9. The best you can do changes from day to day.
Always do your best. And realize that “your best” is going to change repeatedly. For instance, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.
Under any circumstance, simply do your best in the present moment and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. And remember that no matter what’s happening, you can efficiently fight the battles of just today. It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated. It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now. And do the best you can in it. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self_love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
10. It all matters in the end – every step, every regret, every smile, and every struggle.
The seemingly useless happenings add up to something. The minimum wage job you had in high school. The evenings you spent socializing with colleagues you never see anymore. The hours you spent writing thoughts on a personal blog that no one reads. Contemplations about elaborate future plans that never came to be. All those lonely nights spent reading novels and news columns and comics strips and fashion magazines and questioning your own principles on life and sex and religion and whether or not you’re good enough just the way you are. All of this has strengthened you. All of this has led you to every success you’ve ever had. All of this has made you who you are today.
The floor is yours…
What helps you stay positive when you feel lost and alone? What’s something encouraging you try to keep in mind when you’re up against lots of uncertainty? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Little Zoker
J says
I’ve never felt so lost and sad in my life as I do now. I’m in my 40s, married with two kids. We recently moved across the country and I feel so isolated here as it’s hard to meet people. I thought I was tougher than I really am.. when we left I thought we could just pick up and leave all of our friends and things would fall into place here. But then I fell apart. I was a good friend while we were living in our previous state but once we left I just started over and didn’t even really say goodbye to some because we left so fast. I have contacted some of those people to reconnect and I have to say overall they’ve been warm and accepting. But there’s no going back to that time. I regret that.
The thing that really gets me is when I was in those moments I had no idea that one day an avalanche of emotion and regret would overcome me and I’d be wishing to go back to those times. Ugh I hate that feeling.
I wish there was a way to connect with other posters here. I googled feeling lost and this was the first site that came up. Thank you for the article.
Helen says
There is no going back so the only thing you can do a this point is make the best of what you have. It takes a lot of time to create and keep good relationships. There are a lot of good groups on Facebook. That is just one place to start. It will take time. Be positive and don’t give up!!
48 Year Old Peaceful Lady says
I hear you. Change, especially at our age, can be pretty scary. First of all, try a yoga class or meditative and stretch yoga online to centre yourself every day. This is good for your health and self-esteem. Then volunteer at your kids’ school or in your community to meet like-minded people quickly and occupy your time with something meaningful and helpful to others. Lastly, forgive yourself and have courage and patience. As Albert Einstein once quoted, “Life is an adventure to be lived, not a problem to be solved.” Be well and laugh a lot, and love yourself first and then others.
Brenda says
I here ya, been through that .
Jem Harper says
I have been an officers wife in the military and lived in other countries. I have lived on my own in other states. My children are grown and i am alone and single now. This has been the most soul searching time and period of lonely times I have ever known in the past two years. I find my strength in the the times I connect with the inner part of myself trying to gift myself solace. We are actually never alone but none the less it can still be very emotional and heart wrenching. Just know that when those times hit you think of someone like me who is just as human as you that goes through the same feelings.
Anita says
Hi Jem
Thankyou for those lovely comforting words, you have obviously felt real feelings of being alone, I do hope I can find that place in me. At the moment I feel such overwhelming feelings of loneliness 🙁 I hope you’re okay at the moment?
Regards, Anita
Lisa says
I feel that pain i feel so alone..ive been divorced bad second marriage…he destroyed my self esteem n we do have a child together,age 16,n we spent 10 years fighting in custody hed never bring her home..but she left two years after the judge told him no more he worked his way by buy her a husky dog wo my premission…n she left but. On today three months ago my 24 old son died…im just done all family n friends disappread…the police had to tell police my daughter cause i couldnt find her n she was able to come for 3 hrs..i was in such shock that at time i cant believe my life sometimes i just want to find my son…
Kaine says
Hey I moved to a new country and don’t like it here at all. If I look on this in a linear approach I guess moving here would teach me (in the future) to go where I feel I belong. The place I live in now isn’t were I belong and I won’t stay here. I will eventually go where I belong because that’s what’s calling me and that’s when I’ll be happy. There’s something to take from everything and I’m used to growing up in friendly communicative places. The place where I’m living now is the opposite of that. Lovely nature here but the people are stuck up their own arse. 🙂 I really hope you can rebuild connections with your older friends and build some great connections with new ones in the future 🙂 like this article says there’s always gonna be someone out there that understands you and feels your pain because many many have gone before us and still do.
Carlee says
Hi. I wanted to comment on your comment from 2015? You’re feelings we’re totally normal! Moving and leaving suddenly? It makes sense you’de feel depressed as your body is like..kind of .. a tuning fork..we use all our senses..and we can feel and smell diff air in a new location..and the elevation affects our equilibrium…also the temp change..it’s a shock to every cell of our being. You said it was like across the country?.. .Another example… It’s like..transplanting a plant? The plant is sort of sick and saggy for a few wks.. but it spruces up..(usually) ..if transplanted correctly. Humans have their roots too. Hey..who likes to be uprooted? Not me!! you were reflecting when u wrote your post . and feeling lonely.. it was pretty recent..u had just moved.. well .. hope you have settled in and reconnected with your friends u didn’t get to say goodbye to. I appreciate you sharing your struggle.. I also struggle with loneliness..not due to moving though. I’m glad to have come across this article. I found a lot of hope and great ideas..definitely less scared reading your share. Thank you.
Polly says
I understand what you say about moving and losing touch .Even when you dont move far. Friends and family drop away like shedding skin.(Sounds”ikky”!) Sort of a displaced person feeling .Like shifting sand’s. Like the tide went out and left you behind. I know what you mean when you say you had a sort of sudden shock about it and can’t get back how it all was. I think it is some sort of broken heart. It leaves your guard down and exposes you .I couldnt talk to anyone and may have appeared aloof even hostile and unfriendly unapproachable even.Then later I tried talking to others but ended up oversharing and feeling exposed and vulnerable. I nervously babbled on in a highly stressed state of being and finaly I realiswd to keep it all in the one place for example talking to just one trusted person .It was years before I found that and felt I lost a lot of years .Enjoying happpier times. Living close to the sea and nature helped me .
Michele says
I’ve never left a comment before but I need to say something. Not sure what though. I feel extreme emotional pain, loneliness, heartache. I believe I have failed. I’m 41 now. When I was young I was the cool pretty girl that all the boys wanted to call their girlfriend. I lost my mind at age 19. State hospitals and 20 years later my mind came back to me. I’m not that girl anymore. Now I am a single mom of 3 young boys. My husband betrayed me and left (a blessing though really that he left, he was very abusive). My friends all left. My family left. I was part of a church, they asked me to leave?! I am alone. I go weeks without talking to another person. I would be dead if it wasn’t for my children. They say things though like mom why don’t you laugh, or why don’t you have friends. It breaks my heart they deserve so much more. My own sister doesn’t want anything to do with me? No one does and I don’t know why. I stay at home and tear myself to pieces trying to understand why? What did I do? What’s wrong with me? All I can gather is people, even the people who are supposed to love you the most are more inclined to judge you and abandon you rather than stick thru the hard times with you. I have a necklace from a friend who left. It’s a heart with the verse love is kind on it. She gave it to me because she said I was the kindest person she had ever met. A lot of people used to say the same thing to me. Why did everyone abandon me? And where do I go from here? I’ll make it thru this. The first 1/2 of my life was worse. If anyone out there could pray I find my way maybe our God will hear you. My heart goes out to all feeling loneliness.
Lyn says
Dear Michele,
I’ve read your comment.
I feel very sorry about you story.
But come to think of this, Your friends, husband, and even your Sister may have left you. But, you still have your 3 adorable children and that what God’s blessed you. He gave you those 3 angels to be with you to remind you everyday that after all the loneliness, neglected feelings that other’s brought on you, that there is a better life waiting for you out there. You just have to stand up for you and for your kids, there are people who will stay and and who will not in our lives. But I can assure you that your kids will stay for not permanently but Forever and love you unconditionally.
I will include you to my prayers tonight before I go to bed. I will ask God to give you more strenght and give you happiness that everyone deserves in this world. I know you are a good mother to your kids. So keep your head up high and be happy. ?
Best,
Lyn
Fraser says
I arrived at this site by accident, too much to drink, too much to think about, too much pressure and the feeling of being alone.
after reading your words I just want to say, your children will love you no matter what. They won’t care about your past, they don’t care about what you’ve done, they care for you…no matter what….because you are their world. They care for you , they need you and to be needed is a very special and precious thing. It puts things into focus and perspective. Little ones change our focus. Be brave….love your wee ones and know you are doing a good job. Keep smiling
I’m an Anonymous girl says
I know this post was 5 years ago but I still wanted to comment. I am 13 years old, I know I am young but I do feel alone in this world. My mom has borderline personality disorder, which means a lot of things but most importantly she thinks that is someone doesn’t agree with her they betrayed her and it’s all their fault. She has never been diagnosed but she has all the symptoms and the only person who has talked to the doctor to describe her symptoms is her so I don’t think it’s very credible. She downplays every thing she does and is ALWAYS the victim in her brain. Like she says my dad never loved her because he left her??? She initiated the separation and she filled for divorce. He kept going back and trying again even though she kept throwing him out and somehow it’s his fault. She says that it is his fault because she only did those things to scare him into doing what she wanted. Also after they were threw she made herself homeless to force him to care for her. The only reason he did was because he didn’t want his three children to have the constant worry of their mother out of the streets. But what’s even more sick is that she cheated on him with some else TWICE no less and she plays the victim card on that too??? HOW? She says because he forgave her and stuff. But in reality he tried but she didn’t show any sign of change. She’s also an alcoholic. Well in the divorce I was the only one out of the three children to decide to live with my dad. Because my sister feels guilty and doesn’t want her to do something stupid and for my brother, he likes the fact that she has a house (which she can’t afford but bought anyway) and my dad had an appartement. Anyway I didn’t live with her and she was horrified that I would want to live with my dad ‘after all he did to her’ to clarify all he did to her was go through with the divorce. Not marry her in three weeks after a year of being apart. Not paying for her crazy schemas, call the cops when she said she was going to kill herself (she says that he should have gone to see her himself but it was after the divorce and they weren’t talking and she did some worse stuff than what I mentioned to deserve that) call the police when she was SUPER drunk and she wouldn’t let us go sleep at his house because we were very scared of her, she also hit during that. Also he moved on and got a girlfriend who she tried to sabotage and she told lies to his place of work to get him fired. And other things. And that’s also just the things I know of, there are probably some stuff they didn’t tell me because I’m 13. But anyway she took the fact that I didn’t want to live with her as a rejection and that I hated her and never wanted to see her again and all this stuff. I was still trying to have a relationship with her even though I dreaded ever time I had to see her. But she told me she never wanted to talk to me again and was not allowed in her house, she was turning my room into a spare and stuff like that. So now I live alone with my dad. Well we just got into a big fight and now I’m sitting on my feeling alone and writing this… also I’m like the rock to my friends and they don’t know what happened to me these past few years. I mean one does but she doesn’t really know how to help because she’s never had to go through anything remotely like this. They can’t tell that behind all my smiles and jokes that I am broken and I don’t know what to do. But writing this strangely did really help.
Marty says
Michele
Back to my earliest memories, I have been kind of a loner my whole life. I have made many friends over the years but have never been able to make any of them work long term. This starts all the way back in my early school years right on up to University, work, my adult life and a failed marriage.
I have made many mistakes and done things that I am not proud of but I have never been an unkind or mean person.
Although I have never been described as “the nicest person anyone knows”, I have always been very sensitive to others.
I have never looked down upon, nor felt superior to, anyone.
Not anyone.
But, still, I have suffered tremendously, in regards to relationships, almost my entire life.
In a room full of people, I could feel alone.
On the inside I also wondered
“what’s wrong with me ?”
“what have I done ?”
“why do I feel so alone ?”
I wondered why I felt the way I felt.
I knew something was wrong but I did not know what.
I see now that what was wrong was that I was wearing the armor of a false attitude and it was lacking.
It was fake armor that didn’t protect me from anything and I think it made me drive people away or keep them from getting too close.
It was armor I had put on as a small child.
When I was very young, 7 years old, my father died.
Up until the time he got ill we were very involved in the Church and I had strong faith. I believed and trusted in the Lord.
When my father got ill, I prayed and I prayed that God not take him.
God had other plans and he died just after Christmas 1975.
I remember sitting in the Church at his funeral and I can still taste and feel the hot tears that were running down my face.
I also remember saying my FU’s to the Lord that day.
I told Him that He didn’t care about me and that He had not heard any of my prayers and that He wasn’t real and I wasn’t buying any of it any more.
We were through and I walked away.
That day, I guess I took off the real and mighty armor of God’ undying love for me, and replaced it with the fake armor of a false attitude.
I guess it was an attitude that said” I don’t need anyone”, and “no one will hurt me like that again”.
It was an attitude that would leave me naked and defenseless for a long, long time.
It would take me almost 40 years to re-cloak myself in the very real and mighty armor of God’ love and, once I did, my life and my relationships began to change almost immediately.
Without recognizing God’ true love for me through His son Jesus Christ how could I ever have true love for myself ?
And without having true love for myself how could I ever show true love for anyone else ?
When you have that, I believe, good people are drawn towards you and stay in your orbit, like gravity. Or, more accurately, they’re drawn into the same gravitational orbit that you have been drawn into.
God’ love is like a magnet.
I had also, over the years, neglected to count the many, many, many blessings in my life, some of which were indirect results of my father’ death, one of the worst days of my life.
My biggest blessing is knowing that He loves me and He loves you and, no matter what anyone else says or does or what we may have done in the past, His love, through redemption, is forever.
You just have to open your heart and give yourself to Him fully and completely, knowing that He has a plan for you.
Once you do that, you have gained the most dependable ally you could ever hope for.
He will never abandon you and will always be there through the hard times.
Don’t tear yourself down, build yourself up through His word.
None of us are failures until we give up trying.
Reaching out is the first step and you have taken that.
I had been away from His word for a long time and I felt like a bit
(a lot) of an outsider myself so I struggled to find the right Church for quite a while. I finally did.
Looking at my 9 yr old son also reminds me of how truly blessed I am. We make a lot of our own laughter and it’s great.
Your 3 boys are very lucky to have such a devoted and determined mother and I know they are behind you. We all are !
We all make mistakes but none of us are mistakes.
His world is at your fingertips, right now.
We will all pray for you and we love you.
He loves you.
Ruth says
Thank you Marty for writing this! I lost my Dad at the age of 6 and just realized that I have done the exact same as you. I lost my faith and chose to believe that everyone that I ever loved would leave and guess what….they did, probably because that was what I believed would happen, why I am so surprised I have no idea. Makes me laugh a little and shake my head. So after 44 years I finally had the realization that as a child I set my course and the adult is just now catching on. Geez I just can’t believe I am that slow but it just goes to show what happens when you look through the same dirty lens for so very long. Thank you!!
Marc Cushion says
I will pray for you Michelle. Don’t give up!
India says
Lisa, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling that way, and it’s no surprise you are with so many things going on. So brave of you to share you feelings too, so many people keep their emotions locked inside.
What an amazing thing to be told your the kindest person they ever met. Of all the peole they ever met you are the kindest. You sound lovely.
If you want to have someone to chat with you are more than welcome to skype or email me anytime. We can exchange details. Everyone needs a friend and to be loved.
Sending love and warmth to you lisa. Xx
C says
I lost my mind at 21, two hospital stays later and a hell of a lot of Lithium , depakote, lamictal, klonopin, not all at the same time. I read your story and I hear someone who feels deeply…When someone doesn’t say Hi, how hurt do you feel, I’m guessing more than the average person. Those of us that feel deeply have to understand that others don’t or refuse to recognize their emotions.. It seems like people have left you, but really they are getting on with their lives and you need to too. Surround yourself with those that feel deep as well and they will understand and respect you and your life. I have a family that is self absorbed so if I want their attention I have to scream. Sometimes they are all I have so I have to wave, jump up and down to get attention. But like I said, find those people that cherish you and respect you and hold on to them,let them “see” you. Right now my boyfriend has moved to Florida, he was all I had. I cried and still cry for him, but it is where he can make money… So after many panic attacks and suicidal thoughts i realized the only way to preserve my life is to get people in it connect with anyone. At first it was crisis clinic twice a week, then i said ok I have all this time on my hands I will do some volunteering and horses came to mind. So i help a woman out with her 3 horses, one in particularly I am trying to gain her trust and her mine. i take horse whispering classes and love it. Tonight I feel lonely, my boyfriend is fast asleep, but tomorrow I get to see Marley..It may sound pathetic, but i have no kids, divorced, boyfriend gone…and yes i would move down with him in a minute but there is insecurity with this position and I work and have health care, jobs aren’t easy to come by… but we have plans for Oct. In the meanwhile, I see my parents on the weekend and cherish the time I have with Marley and the friendship i am making with Sue the owner of the horses. and the friendship I am making with the horse whisperer who is an awesome person. These are my people, and I can’t afford to let them go. Letting them into my life is hard for me. Anyone who has been abused in some way will shut the door very easily to others, that is the safe path, but not the full-filling one. I just read in a book that if animals are not curious then they don’t find the good food and shelter. Be curious to find those who will love you……So thank-you, big thanks, for sharing your loneliness for right now I am not lonely. C
Lindsey says
I can relate to you so much. But I firmly believe God has something amazing for the both of us and He must be protecting us greatly in this season of our lives. God Bless you and I will be praying for you.
Michael says
I read your story and I think I can relate but I think it is my parents that are sabotaging me. It finally came to me that almost every person that I mention to them stops talking with me and it’s yet to be seen if it’s every person. I’ve stopped telling them about people now though and don’t want to talk to them.
I have a condition for which I’m on medication and I was also the person everyone wanted to be with when I was young and all the way through university. My condition has not lasted long but it seems that I’ve been isolated.
I too feel extremly alone. I have not had kids eventhough I wish I had them and I do not have a wife. The relations I built in secret from my parents flourished until they found out. I too was told I was one of the nicest people in the world and I’m nice to everyone and I try to be the best I can be.
However, my family looks at me strangely as if my condition was shared with them and I am often alone. I will look for a way out of this of course but it is extremely hard to go from a beautiful life to one of horrible loneliness. I wish this ends but I do wish not to know my parents who I do believe have been sabotaging me.
I wish you all the luck in the world in finding more happiness and people to be with. It’s absolutely horrible to be alone and especially when knowing such horrible people like my parents do have someone to talk to.
E. says
Can you tell us how you “lost your mind”? Only a mental condition or did you just do crazy, irrational things? If you need a friend, reply. I feel much the way you do The time also.
E.
Diana says
Michele,
This is the first time I have written a comment in this way, but I felt drawn to.
There are some wonderful words of encouragement posted here. What I am struggling with is recognizing that love must come from within first. It hurts when people leave, and sometimes is very hard to accept. Keep your head up, and know that you do have the strength to get thru. I am sending you good wishes and thoughts. Thank you for sharing your story.
jenna says
Michele
I’m not sure if its too late to reply to your comment. There’s not much I could add that others haven’t already said. But I just want to let you know that your comment touched me deeply. I’m sorry you are feeling alone. I feel lonely too. I don’t know you, but I have a feeling we’d be friends if we did know each other..
I don’t have all the answers but one thing that struck me from what you wrote is that wow you are a survivor. You have gone through hard things and yet come out not giving up. Don’t undervalue yourself or sell yourself short. Sometimes people reflect back at us how we project how we feel about ourselves. I’m not one to talk though as that is hard for me. My self esteem right now is so much lower than it ever was. But anyway I just wanted to let you know that I care. .
John A. Santa Cruz says
Michele……I hope you are doing ok…..even better than in July…….I respect you for being forthright in reaching out to the goodness of others….that is what shows me you have goodness in you…..you still trust others….you want to trust others…even though you feel alone…I fully understand your feelings of emptiness and hope you find or have found activities either social or spirtual that sustain your own spirit…….Do not let the lack of anyone around you in terms of friends or family deter you….Be strong……Feelings are temporary…..Take one day at at time…one minute……even one second….Realize what is important to you those boys and go from that point……Find what makes them happy and experience it as your own….You only have 1 life……But, now you have 4….that may feel hard even difficult at times…..You are not a failure: You are a MOTHER….A MOM ….A ROLE MODEL…..You – just because of your temporary feelings or situation – are not a failure…..This is true …..otherwise you would never be able to see beauty….the smiles of those boys as they look at you lovingly……the fun as they play in the park or even in your house…..the yearning for your happiness that they communicate to you (YOU are LOVE and LOVED)……There is nothing wrong with your sad and lonely feelings…..I am going some sadness now after a relationship that has not turned out the way I thought………So, I, too, must keep stepping forward……Keep my head up….Not think everyone does not care about me (the world can be a loving, wholesome place – remember John Lennon’s IMAGINE or some other beautiful music)….I need to realize that my feelings are temporary and be strong…not weak….and smile at the simplest things….You can find happiness in the simplest of things….takin em to Micky D’s…what kid doesn’t like McDonalds ?….But, also, find yourself – what is past, is past……You are loved and are love……Take care of those kids like you would have wanted to be treated……..Do whatever it takes to smile once in awhile…..Remember always the world can be lonely……I am not alone……I love…….(you finish the question…….)…….Thank you for making me realize……I must do that as well…..God speed….precious mother……Have hope……I still do…………take care…..
anna says
I can understand you we are clearly in the same situation. Your not alone you have your children and that’s what keeps me going to .
Reina says
Michele, I hope you are doing well today. I can relate to some of your past.
I’m severely alone. My children left. They were the only reason I could find to live. I too go a long time without talking to another human.
I haven’t needed to be hospitalized in a few years but I believe its time to go again. The depression here alone is unbearable.
I hope you and your boys are healthy and happy, and I hope I can feel that way soon.
shekhar says
Dear Michele
Well I think am not so matured to say you anything but I am seriously feeling very bad for you …well I am 23 and I been feeling very lonely because no one is here to listen me and understand me …I don’t use to speak with my mom dad because they didn’t care me ever andthat is why my life is not going smoothly I had girlfriends but they didn’t give me her love and ol that is why I am at the peak of sadness …I always wished to have a mom of others who will care me loves me and hugs me when I feel alone …I didn’t make much friends my life just limited to my room …if I die then no one will care … Why don’t we get really we need and why we have to live why life is too typical why I am alone how others live so happy …why people are so selfish…I need someone help …what should I do feel good and normal …I know I am not too young to feel like this
SHEKHAR
Dave says
Maybe tomorrow will be better, that is what keeps me going
Steve says
Michele,
I’m not a doctor, therapist, counselor, friend or any relation to you but your story is a definite call for help and I think it would be wise to seek some. You probably need a person you can trust in your life but not necessarily some one to be “your everything”. Just an objective thoughtful counselor, doctor or pastor who can understand where you are right now and direct you to some resources in your new area like volunteer work, new hobbies and certainly a place with people available.
I hope you are a person of faith and could use your faith to give you initial strength to understand what you are going through and determine a path forward. You can’t use your children as your friends or as emotional crutches, that’s up to you and people your own age to do. Your children love you because it is the nature of that relationship; you can’t ask too much more than what children are supposed to do, and they can’t support you.
Perhaps in the time since you wrote your letter above you have made some friends and associates, maybe a neighbor has begun talking over the fence with you, etc., I hope so and I hope you are ready, willing and able to rejoin life with others. Be well, and follow YOUR path through life.
Denise says
The kindest of people get walked on the most. I call them land angels – too pure for this world. The world consists of 2 types of people. People who morph, mould and do what it takes to fit in. And the others who don’t have it in their heart to change to meet other’s ‘requirements’. And sadly those are the ones who get left behind, used, abused or chewed up and spat out. I am sick of people who lie to your face so they don’t look tarnished and laugh under their breath at you while you rant and rave, knowing you are being lied to while they sit pretty! They have stolen your inner voice and inner trusted judgement to the point where you question ‘am I making this up in my head?’ turning you into a shell of a person. I no longer trust in this world & I fear it will be a lonely journey. People are stuck in their bubble of denial. If it wasn’t for children, life would be bland! I hope things have changed for you and life is a little more wonderful for you! Take no more crap and believe in your judgement. It was the greatest freedom when I was finally admitted the truth of the lies I knew were being fed to me. I thanked them graciously for giving me back my inner voice that I now fully trust again! I hope it has given you and everyone else the same freedom! We are the lucky ones who have been given the gift of seeing the world unfiltered. Lonely yet powerful and self-suiting.
Hanna Lee says
I know what you mean, I thought life is easier as you get to experience every steps but it’s not; its get tougher, physically and emotionally….
Sam says
Dear Michelle,
I think you are a beautiful human that as the rest of human beings, want to be happy and do not like to suffer. Normally, in that not wanting to suffer people tend to avoid situations where they do not feel secure or do not know how to handle. That is part of human nature trying to look for happiness. The good news is that there are bunchs of people that study how to help other people, that are in situations where the way out does not seem easy to find. You could find them as psychoanalysts, as priests, as lamas (the buddhist monks that are prepared to teach buddhism), as rabinos, etc. Look for someone that could help you, depending on what makes you feel good, and what is according to your beliefs. Sometimes, just a simple talk with a lama, in my case, help me to stay on track or going back to the track if I lost it. The religion organizations, when they are authentic trying to help you, will not force you to contribute or charge you for any of the help they provide. Also, you could look for a group that shares similar interests and can help (depending on your needs and aspirations).
Kay says
Dear Michèle,
“Why have you abandoned me?” was a question asked by Christ at his darkest moment. He knows how you feel and we know he came through to the other side : and so will you. There was the agony of ‘Good’Friday, followed by the uncertainty of the Saturday (the disciples locked themselves away in fear)? But then there was the glory of the Sunday. I think this pretty much describes all of life’s events. I want you to think for a minute about all the good things you manage to achieve every day. You take care of your children and they love you. You make sure they have what they need for their day and their development. That is no mean feat! You have been through the wringer and back (yes you bounced back!!!) That was no mean feat either. You are truly an amazing person. Other people’s treatment of you says so much about them and so little about you. I will definitely add you to my prayers.
Jeremiah 29 : 11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD.”
Never doubt that he has a plan for you. That nothing happens by accident and that everything you do, every day is meaningful whether you can see it right away or not. You are an amazing person so take heart.
jenny says
I will pray for you sweetheart. You will come through this. When I feel like this, I remind myself that Gid never tries us more than we can bear. I have had people walk in and out of my life. I figure for each person who came into my life that God had a job for me to do but now it is time to move on again. Job done. Sometimes it’s for us to show them love other times for us to be loved and to grow. Sending you a big hug across the internet (if that’s not too weird). You are never alone. Gid us with you every step of the way and prayer is a way if reminding us of that. So pray and I will pray for you as well.
Stacey says
I hope you are okay, your story made me cry.
I will pray for you.
This is an example of why we all should be kind, you never know what battles someone is fighting…be kind!
Carlee says
To Michele.. that just sucks. I bet u heard all the sympathetic words..and the “suggestions” to improve your life.. or the “well be grateful”.. then u want to cry because you’re having a hard time mustering up the strength to just open your eyes in the am and get out of bed..No one understands.. and u could probably write a self help book. “Thank you”..u say..between a fake appreciative smile..because someone gave you some newfound solution that’s gonna “turn your life around”. Yawn.. Oh yeah, forgot to mention it was the 300 an hour psychologist you drove 2 hours to see.. maybe you thought…(how dare you.)….there was a chance of some “new theory”..or that paying cash would motivate him or her..to do some full strength deep digging research to come up a new refined granulated diagnosis… ..nope. U actually read their diagnosis.. online..a free site where u diagnose your own disorder..did I say it was free?. The cure “drink more water”, exercise, and smile more..even if u don’t feel like it….Smiling..”tricks”your brain into beleiving it is happy.. . yeah well drugs do that too.. Thanks for taking my money.. Can I at least get a prescription? “0h no..drugs won’t solve your problems”. sigh.. okay.. “thanks..ill try the smiling thing..I’m doing it now..but I’m having not really happy thoughts looking at you”…ll see myself out…out the door..as my inferiority complex has sunken me to a deeper depth…of lame. “Oh yeah keep the money…heh hem I’ve got plenty..plenty where that came from”..?.
April says
I am so sorry! I am 36 and my story is so similar. I knew I was always the common denominator but I was so nice and always abandoned . This past year something was brought to light! Turns out I am a codependent and I’m attracted to narcissists and vice versa!! I read codependent no more by melodie Beattie. I am praying this gets to you!! Codependency is a disease and it’s been plaguing my life since I was a child! I am praying for you and hope this helps you see the light
Zaya says
I don’t know if you have changed and came out of this phase in your life since the comment was 3 years ago! I feel the same now, but I believe every stage in our life we change and when we change the old friends and interests and etc are no longer relevent or alligned…so you are moving forward not staying same! Even catapillar breaks its home only because it cannot fit in it as a butterfly!
Katie says
Dear Michele
I am sorry for what you are going through. It sounds so, so tough and anyone in your shoes would be having a hard time.
I feel your pain. I grew up with an emotionally abusive narcassistic mother who installed in me a pit of loneliness, self hatred and despair. I too had a breakdown early on in my life, at age 21 at the end of my finals. Rebuilding my life thereafter was tough and still is. I’m 33 now.
I’ve had spells of depression, stress, anxiety, extreme loneliness and I’ve tried dealing with it with solitude, with church, with friends, self help books, diary writing, various diets, exercise – you name it, I’ve tried it! There is no easy fix. Life is just a bitch sometimes and it’s ok to name it.
Friends don’t get it, they can’t relate. Family, like with your situation, just aren’t there. My sister too rejects me and I try over and over with her and get pushed away. She’s another person who doesn’t want me. She’s vicious with her words and cuts me to my heart. She too deals with a lot of pain from our past and I don’t think she means to inflict the wounds she does; she needs help. That doesn’t make it any less painful.
I too question, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t my own Mother love me? Why are my friends largely unsupportive? I cope by using humour when around my friends, (times which feel few and far between) it’s more palatable if I can turn my heart ache into some kind of wit. It goes down well. Sometimes I need a hug but too often I am told – “you’re strong”. It’s so dismissive – cheers for that people!
I think the truthful answer is that nothing is wrong with me, my Mother was just unable to love well because her upbringing lacked love too. She didn’t learn how to love well and projected a lot of her pain on to me. Behind every narcassistic is a sad, insecure individual who needs a lot of love and assurance. They too deserve it. So many people don’t know how to love well and abuse is handed down generationally because it’s too hard and painful for people to look their hurts in the eye. The British trend is to be positive and not dwell in our pain. Don’t let your past define you, blah blah blah. When, I ask, am I allowed to be sad? I now huge myself permission to grieve some things. It has to be done, it’s healthy and it’s not self indulgent self pity. It’s ok to cry. I will not feel guilty for it any more.
There is nothing wrong with you. It is natural to feel these things when you have gone through so much. The world and people so often are uncomfortable with emotionally pain. They find it awkward and in appropriate which can lead to feelings of guilt and shame just around being sad. It’s not right. It’s ok to be sad, it’s human, it’s normal. I am so sorry for all you have been through. It’s a hell of a lot for one person to take and it’s not fair that you’ve had to endure it.
We were not designed for such pain and it’s not what God intended. I am so sad to hear you have been shunned by a church, that’s just disgusting and the absolute opposite of what church and community should be about. I have found church lonely at times, full of cliques, none of which I belong in. I’ve been told to find joy in my suffering, to feel grateful for the life I have, to connect with God. My sadness is viewed as a failing. If I’m sad, maybe I haven’t fully accepted God? That’s rubbish. I have and I believe he grieves with me and knows my pain. I’ve been told that maybe God is trying to isolate me so I find him. I don’t believe that. God created us for companion and to be there for eachother. There is a lot of bull that goes around in church which is frankly damaging and hurtful and just the opposite of what Jesus was about. We are told to weep with those who weep not reject them and make them question themselves. Jesus was about embracing and accepting and loving people, especially those who had had a rough time.
My Mother hasn’t talked to me since last summer and has stone walled me. Her partner had just been convicted for paedophilia and has been sentenced for 3 years. I grew up with him from the age of 11 when my Mother left my Dad for him. My Dad has a new family and two more children now. My Mother has gone back to the partner and has cut me off. My counsellor advises that not having a relationship with her and many other involved members of my family is good, it’s toxic anyway. However, it’s so, so hard to accept that my Mother does not love or want me in her life and chooses a paedophile. Feelings of rejection and worthlessness are frequent. I am married and this whole episode has created a wedge and I am so, so lonely in this marriage. I think my husband is too and maybe feels he bit off more than he could chew with me. I need to be more positive and move on. Feelings of sadness are very inconvenient and self indulgent. We’ve been married less than 2 years and over a year has been overshadowed by this episode with my Mother’s partner – my step Dad. It’s forced me to look my past in the eye and it’s not pretty.
I am sharing all of this so you feel less alone and because it feels better to speak about these things. You are not alone in your loneliness and God does see you and love you. I know that’s something that’s easy to say and not easy to feel. I don’t always feel it but am striving to. I promise you life will get better. Hang on to those things which make you feel a little happier each day. Treasure your precious children, I’m sure you do, and I’m sure you show them the love you didn’t receive. Love is powerful and can overcome this. Look for it, seek it out, and grasp it with both hands. Your future can be brighter than your past and will be. Don’t beat yourself up and let yourself cry when you need to, there’s no shame in that and it’s healthy. Acknowledge your hurts, face them, then look to something better, brighter, more loving. The past doesn’t disappear and naturally will continue to hurt sometimes but there will be previous, joy filled, love filled moments in your future. I’m glad you’re out of the abusive marriage, you deserve better. Be kind to yourself and love yourself. There is only one you and you are special. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope your life moves in a direction that leads to happiness and feeling less alone, just as I’m sure mine will too.
Know that you are never alone xxx
Eliza Kane says
I never knew that there were other people feeling the same things. This is a total eye opener. Well I totally relate to what you are going through. My situation so closely mirrors yours except that I don’t have kids… my dogs are my furry kids! I have a husband who is set in his ways and doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Well this is getting pretty depressing honey so just let me know how you are feeling. There’s a world full of us. Keep reaching out and do hobbies if you have some. You can call me at two six two five eight six five oh nine nine 🙂
Trudy Pate says
I am so sorry to hear about all your heartache, I too have experienced hospitalizations and such and a abusive husband. but I can tell you, things can get better. Join a church. I know you said they asked u to leave the other one, well join another one. Dont stop trying and reaching out. there are alot of good people out there and you still have life to live. we will not be on this planet long. I know as I have been depressed many times it feel like a long time but its really not. Be very proactive and go make some good memories, with your children, with other people. You can do it. Pray, read your Bible. Just never ever give up
Scott says
I so feel your pain I feel the same way. So lost and alone all my friends left me I feel like there is no one for me to talk to. It makes in yo this angry person cause I can’t figure out what’s wrong with why do I feel that everyone in my life abandon me that I’ve never been able to trust anyone.
Michelle says
Hi this is years later but would line to know how you are doing. These words that you wrote are me right now minus the young kids other than that to a tee. I hope you are well. It’s 2020 now and I’m not doing well thus thread poped and you wrote how I’m feeling.
lisa says
i decided to leave a comment because i feel like there is no one else that can listen to what i feel and understand my sadness. I am only 18 and i know that there is a lot more out there and that it may be only a phase but it’s the first time that this feeling of loneliness and anger cannot leave my mind for weeks.I feel like all my friends have abandoned me and i don’t know why.It’s not me..i guess..in most cases we just grew apart.Now I’m struggling especially with my boyfriend because it’s a new relationship and I can’t be completely honest about my non-existent friends.So I just find excuses and i tell one lie after the other to hide from him the real situation and to pretend that i have lots of friends.What is hurting me the most though is the feeling that i have now,like i want to escape to leave and never come back…the feeling of anger towards the world,happy people,people who live their lives..
Drea says
Hello Lisa,
I am sorry sorry to hear that you feel so sad, and angry at the world. What if you told him the truth? Maybe you would feel better? From my personal experience, lying hurts. When I am not being honest with others, and/or myself, i feel like I am denying who I am. Lisa, it sounds like you are going through something very difficult, and it might help to talk to someone. I feel like that sometimes too, and it helped me.
Perhaps, try asking yourself, what are your running away from? I think that it would be helpful if you spoke to someone you could trust about how you feel.
I feel that way sometimes too, and it is exhausting, because there isn’t always a reason, and sometimes these feelings come without any warning. But when I feel like that, what helps me is writing in my journal, exercising, and singing. When I do these things, I release some of that tension that is building inside of me. I know, that it feels unbearable, and that you are in pain, but remember that this is phase, and it too will soon pass, and you will feel better.
Life is full of phases, sometimes I have a lot of people around me, and at other times, I spend most days by myself. As other people have mentioned, you can be in a crowd of people and feel alone. Perhaps you should ask yourself, how can I feel less lonely? If you would like to meet new people there are many meet up groups available, or perhaps reaching out to an old friend. It usually tends to please people when you contact an old friend ( and with social media this is much easier than it used to be) you can write “hello, i know it has been a long time, but i was wondering how you were doing, and whether you would be interested in catching up…” it helps to talk to someone.
To conclude, I wish you the absolute best. Things will get better.
God bless!
G says
Lisa,
I hope you are doing well and have found some comfort since you posted this.
Gloria
Yvette says
Hi Michelle,
I read your comment and cried because it was like you were writing my story. I like you was in an abusive relationship and was very happy he was gone. I thought people would be more supportive, but I came to realize that I was putting up with more abuse and judgement from so called friends. My family has always been mean,so I wasn’t surprised. But I ended up having a nervous breakdown,taking myself to the hospital because I literally felt like I was so sick, I was dying. I had 2 young ones at the time. I feel for you because I have been there and wish I could give you a hug. That was all I ever wanted and nobody would give me one.
Fast forward 18 years later and I still struggle with loneliness and it’s hard. I have managed to make a couple of good friends along the way which has helped, but I know this will be my struggle to overcome. I too,spent years not speaking to anyone. I realize now that is because of the abuse I went through and not being able to talk about it. It has also made me feel so out of place, like I don’t fit in because I see lots of people in loving relationships, and I have never had that.
It is tough, and I am so sorry that you are going through this. just know you are not alone. It does get better with time and the thing that kept me going was the fact that my kuds adored me and that was the best feeling. I do not believe in God, so I cannot pray, but I do believe in humanity, and I am sending good vibes your way for someone to come into your life and just hug you, and tell you everything is going to work out. Sending good thoughts your way
Yvette
Jane says
When I feel lost and alone, I use that emotion to drive myself to do productive things. It used to be intense fear and sorrow–this comes from my trauma from the past–that at times made me actively suicidal. I have learned to think about my thoughts and choose not to believe every one of them negative ones.
Paula says
Thank you Marc!! This is both inspiring & universally well timed for me. What’s interesting is that I had read this sometime back & at that time thought..So true & well written. But, for whatever reason it was not resonating with me fully… clearly.
I think that both our hearts & minds need to be in that particular place where we say ” Ahhhhh, I get it!” Or, “Thank you, I really needed that bit of clarity…of knowing, no matter what that ” knowing” may be.
I have been lost for quite some time now & I now know that there is never any going back…only forward. I had lost my husband of 16 years to cancer over 6 yrs. ago, I felt as if a limb was virtually cut from my body…As if there was a piece of me actually missing. I knew there was, but invisible to all but me. That 1st year I describe as if I walking through quicksand…Things felt slow, like the menial tasks of every day life took so much effort…strength. We had 3 beautiful girls together & every day I am reminded of how blessed I truly am…Having him in & sharing a life with me for 17 yrs. Creating these beautiful, now young women, who being teenagers when he passed, I consider a blessing for the fact that they KNEW him, he was given that time to mold & define their beliefs of men…all good. Others lose someone & are never given that opportunity, I am lucky, I know this & I don’t forget it. He was an amazing husband & father & for that I am eternally grateful. Loss..no matter what it entails, is loss. Whether it be a loved one ( or not so loved one), loss of a relationship, friends, a career, a home, health…on & on, it is ALL relative, it is loss & that can cause some extreme pain & loneliness…at times. Some short & some long…But know that just by being here…It is a step forward, by reading this & being in the company of others who are feeling the same way…YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Peace, comfort & love to all.
Paula
niko says
Dear Michelle,
Just because the people who were around you before are not there anymore doesn’t mean you are alone. Maybe this is the time to do the things that really matters to YOU. Sometimes in life we unconsciously interpret making the people around us happy makes us happy. We do it without anything in return nor you ask for it. But life can really be a bitch because the time will come(like right now} when you are asking for paybacks from the same group of people you made once happy. If you don’t get it, we kinda distance ourselves from them. I know I did.
Currently, Im in a shithole that I don’t even know how I got myself into this. Lost my house, my wife/best friend/partner in crime for 15 years, my dog Clover, my job….all these happened within a year apart from each other. Believe me, I know how you feel. It’s ok to be sad but let’s not get stuck to it because we might miss the real happiness we are looking for. Let’s make ourselves happy by embracing all these BS and knock them off the ball park!
We have to start from within ourselves first. Let go of the past. There is no payback for the things we did to them before….we did it because that’s who we are and that what makes us happy! If they don’t realize that then let’s move on because there is always something better for us out there. Girl, I still cry myself to sleep but you know what really scares me is that when the time comes that I forget about me losing my house, my wife/best friend/partner in crime for 15 years, my dog Clover, my job. Because that means I already moved on and Im not holding back anymore.
I will pray for you. remember, no regrets…….
niko
Anmol Joy says
Dear Michele
I really felt pain in heart while reading ur comment..almost cried and want to give u hug.I am half of ur age & dont have much experience but I can relate myself to u,not in situation but in thinking.By reading I only knew that u need love & trustworthy people around u who going to love u without Judging for any condition and not abandon u.But u know this kind of person are really hard to find..who really going to sacrifice for u and accept u for who u are.!! I am definitely going to pray for u and believe one day everything going to change as life doesn’t always be same and as said above that u are not only one who is alone & is in miserable condition but many do & some are even worse .And u have 3 children from God who are there in ur loniness so Just hold on for good things coming to ur life in future…Time change..situation changes…people changes so God have a plan for u…just stay strong! I know writing & saying is easy but going through situation is hard as I felt myself..its only u who can keep urself up and here we praying for u
Karen says
Hello.
I’m sat here tonight, feeling just like you, deepest loneliness , lost. I’ve spent hours crying, as to where my life has led me, and what my future holds. I too have 3 kids, lone parent,
I just want to say, I’m here any time you need to talk. It’s not right people especially family, treat you like this. I too know how it feels, I feel like screaming and no one hears me, I look in the mirror and don’t recognise my reflection. There is so much more out there and I’m blinded by the situation I’m in.
But remember your not alone, xx
Shawn says
It is really difficult to be alone, till you realise the fact that you and only you are your commander. Nobody can stop you from dreaming and making those dreams happen. So being alone is actually a power which only few have. Be yourself and you will find solitude.
Laputa says
Thank you. I hope this has given me courage.
Raki says
Thank you…
Jo says
I feel the pain of all the other lonely people in the world. I cry for them because I know the numb agony of being alone.
It isn’t the physicality of being alone. The lack of comfort in another human is unnatural and sends subconscious signals that something is wrong. This makes us stressed and anxious.
The conscious mind is the real killer. It takes that panic and runs. The something wrong becomes the self. I am alone as a result of an action i perpetrated. I am not good enough for other people, im not good enough at my job, not funny, friends no longer are interested Without realising it becomes self imposed exile away from others -spiralling away from reality -eg friends are actually busy to the minds translation they don’t want to see me, they no longer want me
I know the cycle. I am in it. I have pushed people away ironically because I don’t want them to leave but I can’t let them see “me”. Yet I cry gutteral tears of dispair at my loneliness.
I am left never being able to let anyone close yet yearning for closeness with all my heart.
aru says
Thank u..
this has changed attitude..
Abraham.S says
Dear Michele
I read your whole story so sadly, as if it was happening to me. I was in this blog to find answer for my current situation, but I learned that there are people who needs more help than myself. See? That’s the whole point. Sharing, learning, and knowing that you have what many people don’t have pushes you to stop looking at your problem.Giving suggestions as an outsider might be easy. One thing God wants us to do is to lift our eyes from our problems and look at our blessings, even if it’s so small. Satan wants us to do the opposite. To look at our problems and blame God. Bear in mind! Many successful people said it, even though they gave it other names. Law of attraction, positive thoughts attract positive, negatives negatives bla bla…but I say to you, our Lord said it. Pray and it consider it done. Close that file and give more time to thank for what you have. God’s kept you alive, gave you three children. Many suffers for not having a child, and many for not having health. See? You have the biggest things. Do not doubt that God will give the rest little things. Do you think that a friend who bought you a house won’t give you a chair? Absolutely no! Here you are not asking a friend. You are asking the one who gave you life, and who gave three lifes through you. Hence I push you to thank God through Jesus Christ, for giving you many big things, and thank that your prayers are done. Do not focus on problems, because that’s where satan wants you to look at, so that he can control your mind by making you feel wortheless which in turn loosens your touch with God. Looking at the best you have means looking at God. This makes your relationship with him stronger and stronger, at the same time it makes the devil thought weaker and weaker to death. Isn’t this what you want? Be strong Michel. Keep adoring your blessings from God! Never pay attention on the other side. God is love!! Hallelujah!
Lili A. says
Thank you for your supportive words, may God bless you for helping me in a moment of doubt, fear of the future and loneliness. You can’t imagine how much it means. I’ll pray for the Lord to reward you for bringing his light into the life of a stranger listening to negative pessimistic thoughts of hopelessness. I’ll keep this in mind. And heart. I prayed for each person writing about their suffering here. Please don’t give up; there’re incredible deceiving cold people but every time I isolate and don’t want to meet people afraid to be disappointed, God proves me wrong. Give a chance to gently allow yourself to expect small miracles and those encounters might happen. Because there are many many wonderful people too. Sometimes they’re busy or bear pain too but If you get stuck in trauma, you’ll be in a state of trauma daily. If you change one habit a day, you won’t forget traumatic experiences but it will take less of your space and less of your energy. Just try doing something new, use your God given freedom. Soamy in this world are deprived of that. We all might have limitations from monetary constraints, or distance, but even a page like this, not getting out the door even, can bring helpful ideas to improve. But most of all, to make us do the hardest thing which is reaching out. Reaching out is hard because we feel shame in sharing our defeats but why not start by being human and humble and connecting with people through universal shared mundane experiences until we feel confident to get closer and open up ourselves? Decent kind people won’t run away if they hear after a while that you’ve suffered. Those who do are superficial and have no right to judge; so don’t let them.
Wish you all good luck and that you find inspiration in a good and safe way that leads to a fulfilling path. Thanks again Abraham.
Janet says
I know my struggles are nothing compared to what’s happening right now in the world: war in Syria, the situation with refugees but still, I thought I would feel better if I told my feelings.
I am 20 years old. I study in a university which I hate, but after finishing it, I know I’ll have a secure job related to my dream. I thought I knew what my dream was already since the age of 15 and I slowly went towards realizing it. This year I finally had the chance to participate in a program where I wanted to go most in this world – Japan, but somehow, after I returned, everything turned into a nightmare.
I returned from this two week program and somehow became utterly depressed. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to do anything, suddenly I don’t want to do anything related to my dream, related to Japan and Japanese language. I don’t understand why. I have always been so eager to accept different opportunities, be busy, make the most out of life. But now, I don’t want to talk to anyone about my trip. The things I’ve brought back from Japan don’t bring me any joy, talking about this program doesn’t bring me any happiness and I don’t understand why. It has always been my dream. I keep questioning myself – am I running away from life?Am I trying to avoid it?Have I suddenly stopped wanting what I have always wanted?What’s happening to me?Maybe after actually going to the place I wanted to connect my future with, I realized that it is not my calling?My interests changed?Or am I simply going through a phase?
Another thing, I am scared to tell my feelings to my loved ones, my family, friends. I am afraid of being judged. I don’t want to be judged simply because I am feeling different. It’s like I am not allowed to have a bad day, feel sad. There are always these expectations – finish school, go straight to university, get a good job, follow the path you have always followed.
I just don’t understand my feelings anymore. I don’t understand why suddenly I don’t want to do anything related to what was my dream. Why do I suddenly want to do something completely different than before? I thought I knew myself, my calling in life.
Susan says
I am truly grateful for the kind, thoughtful words that I have read here today. I hope and pray for comfort and love to reach everyone who has written and who is hurting. I’ve been going through a big change and it does help so much to know I’m not alone.
I would like to write this for Janet … I really feel for you, too. I think
you are struggling with “Burnout”. I had an experience similar to yours, and it was really difficult to get to the other side of it. I think if you read about it, you will recognize the symptoms and understand why you feel this way.
I hope you will get some medical help, so you have at least one person to talk to. You need some time to “rest without worrying”, and I know that may be very difficult to get, without your Doctor’s recommendation.
I can only imagine how much pressure you have on you to “succeed”, and “achieve your dream”. Try not to worry about how you feel about your goals right now. Your “joy” will come back when you are better physically. It may be for something else but I think you will be able to look at this time and think it was an adventure and something good will come out of it.
It’s difficult to enjoy anything when you’re really stressed, and perhaps sleep-deprived. I think we all know this from experience.
Also, your “dream” can never be wasted if it inspired you to get your education.
Best wishes always. I hope you feel really better soon.
Chanel says
Thank you all for your messages, here. I have been through a tough few years but refuse to let loneliness set in, prior to 2011 I was in a Happy place, many great friends, in a relationship with a fabulous guy for 12 years after divorcing in 2001. Life was good, 2011 I was diagnosed with a tumor in my Jaw, had surgery and now had the all clear, the surgery has left me with a speech defect and slight dissfiguration of my chin due to extensive radiation. BUT I kept smiling, my friends and family were fantastic support. Unfortunately my 13 year relationship ended last year which devastated me, but I pulled through. My circle of friends have diminished due to change of circumstances of their current lives changing and moving on. My way of coping and staying positive is to keep your self healthy, I eat well, exercise regularly,, keep up my appearance, laugh, stay away from negative people and cry when I need too. I am in the process now of have plastic surgery to fix my ‘face’ I’m looking forward now to NEW beginnings, making new friends, hopefully to find true love once again. I have been through dark days but the ones ahead look so much brighter.
We all grow stronger from all these obstacles that are thrown at us. Stand up, brush off the dirt and move forward.
xx
rahul says
Hi Guys,
I am 29 year old. At the age of 5 , I hardly knew how to make fun of others. At the age of 6 , I came to know that there is some problem to me. I am not the normal guy who can freely express there feeling. I am an ugly guy who had no friends. Slowly and slowly my neighbours including my uncle had started to make fun of me. Later, my mother used to tell me to ignore such things. When I joined school/College everywhere I need to prepared myself before starting my day. Today , when I have to go to office then again I feel scare. Again I think how I can prepare myself to face this beautiful world. Ya I know it is not there fault to laugh at the person like me. But still I am trying to make myself so strong and bold that one day I would definitely win the heart of everyone or if not then these small things would not be important for me anymore….May God bless us..
Michael says
Hi everyone,
i already wrote a long post and it’s awaiting approval but I just wanted to also say to Rahul you are not ugly. Ugliness does not exist. We are all special Rahul. I have my own bad story partly that I was amongst the best liked people growing up but now I feel so alone and do not have close friends and more that I wrote in my original message that I hope gets published.
Rahul never give up. We are all special and all Gods children and I’m sure you have a better road ahead of you Remember, you are not ugly but very beautiful in your own way. Michele is so beautiful too and her story touched me. I instantly did not feel alone also as if I was touched by God. I have prayed as well.
I will also pray against loneliness so that we no longer feel this way hopefully. Thank you for writing this article to the author.
Argie says
Why?.. Why do we need to feel such thing 🙁
G says
Beauty comes from within! Trust me you are not ugly!
Sanjana says
I just want to say that reading all these comments I don’t feel lonely anymore.I feel stronger than ever before and feel connected to all of you,because we are all very strong,capable people who have faced,and fought against the worst of odds and yet we continue to survive.We continue to LIVE and breathe and continue with life despite of all the hardships that it makes us face every single day.
Yes,I have had failed relationships.I have been commitment phobic.I used to love my best friend and could never express myself to him,in fear of losing our friendship.But now,its all gone..all the people I loved,all the friends I made..you know what they are all there on whatsapp and facebook but they don’t reach out to me anymore.Its me who always has to make the effort.For days on end I have no one to talk to.All the people I supported,stood up for..they all left me.I am young,I am trying to leave for higher studies,study even more keep myself absorbed but all that will take some time.
For the next 6/7 months I will continue to remain all alone and empty.I miss them all.I had an amazing life.I was always positive.I still am but not as much as I used to be.I don’t talk about this to all and sundry .I continue to pretend being strong and happy in my own space but deep down I am horribly depressed.
But at the same time,I know this is a fleeting phase.I will have a wonderful life ahead and not just me WE ALL WILL .WE ARE ALL WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
Cindy says
I have felt alone most of my life. My parents moved around quite a bit when I was a child and I thought that I was always good at making friends and not being alone. Unfortunately I always had to leave those friends behind. Now as an adult, although I still have good “people meeting skill”, I feel more alone than I ever have. I have worked around the same people and get along with all of them but I feel that I am always forgotten. Most people make friends and then are involved in those friends lives. I am the person everyone forgets. My phone never rings. My email is mostly just spam and I’m all alone. Social media is evil when you feel like this because you see people you know all having a fun and happy life and you are stuck at home, alone, doing laundry and cleaning because that is all your life consists of. So I deleted all my “friends” off of facebook. No more reminders that I am a loner.
I am married and have three children but I just want a friend to call me and ask how I am or ask if I want to do something with them. Instead I feel like it’s me constantly searching for people to do things with but when your texts or suggestions for outings go unanswered it’s hard not to give up. I’ve completely given up and the loneliness is making me resent that my husband does not have that. He wants to have a life and not made to feel guilty for it.
To make matters worst my husband lost his job and we are struggling financially. It really seems there isn’t much to look forward to anymore.
I’m going to get some help. I’ve finally decided to do this because the depression and thoughts of suicide are making me feel like a terrible wife and mother. I would not want them to be ashamed of me for feeling the way I do.
Anna says
Cindy, I am so sorry you feel like that. I want to give you a hug to help you feel better. I think you did a great thing in seeking professional help. Just hang in there. Life is hard but it is also a beautiful thing. I don’t know if you believe in God but talking to Him has helped me a lot when I have gone through times in my life where I was alone. I was a cutter and anorexic as a teenager. I survived both but still struggle with feeling alone. I just want you to know that you are okay. You are three person’s mom. You have a place in this world and even thugh y
Mike says
I am so alone. Im trying not to be a whiner about it, but sometimes if just overwhelms me. My wife goes out and leaves me alone with the kids. I don’t know what to do. Im trying to keep my family together and hoping that its just a phase.
G says
Hi Mike
Do you have anyone to talk to about this? I feel that sometimes talking to a friend helps or reading encouraging words. Praying for you!
Jasmine says
I never leave comments anywhere but this article really came at a good time. Just entered college and feel more disconnected and alone than ever. I haven’t been able to make many real friends, though I have met some who I think are rather two-faced and hurtful. I can’t seem to integrate into school and don’t even feel like trying anymore. For the first time in awhile, I’ve been rejected for almost everything I’ve applied for, which is shattering my self-confidence. I used to enjoy being alone but after growing up, it feels like social acceptance is such a necessity, and I’m feeling really lost, unhappy and alone. Anyway, thanks for the article!
Tom says
Jasmine
It was 40 years ago at this time when I entered college as a freshman in the first semester. I felt exactly the way you described. Before entering, I was very excited about going. I thought that I would meet some really cool people. I thought that they would be much better than where I came from. The college I went to was 120 miles from where I lived.
It was a very mind-blowing experience. It seemed like I had social situations that were over my head; conflicts that I never had to deal with before. And I thought that I had been through everything! I spent a lot of time just being in my room. It was so bad that I had a reputation on campus for being very shy and reclusive. I really stood out!
When the winter break came, I wanted to quit. It was such a nice feeling to be home right after the last final exam for that semester. But when it came time to go back, for some strange reason, I looked forward to going back. I didn’t know why.
When I went back for the 2nd semester, it was much better. There was still a lot of learning (on a social level) and stuff. After that the college got better and better for me..
Jasmine, all I can say to you is just “hang in there”. I know that’s easy for me to say. But trust me, I’ve been through it! Maybe it will get better in the next semester, or maybe not. I think that it would be worth it for you to go back there in the spring and see if you’re going to like it better.
rohit says
Hey..i feel the same way too…im doing my masters now… and I feel there is no one to talk to..I ve lost touch with all my friends back home too.. I hope this passes ..You stay strong.
G says
I was feeling very lost and alone today . It seems to be a feeling that comes often these days. Today after having no one to talk to, I googled ” I feel lonely” and this came up. I want to thank you for making this as I am already feeling a little better after reading it. I needed to hear these postiive words.
Tom says
I am a male, 58, never married, and no kids. There are lots of times when I feel alone, scared, and lonely. My family (one brother and a sister – both about 10 years older than me) are scattered and we all don’t seem to care to contact each other. I had a brother, who was two years older than me, pass away only a couple days ago. He and I were not close. One might say that my family is dysfunctional.
I live by myself. My sister, brother, and I are 3,000 miles from each other. My sister and my brother are 1,500 miles from each other. My sister, at times, had asked me to move back where she is (that’s where I came from). I just do not want to do it, though there are times when I toy with that idea. The only reason I would think about going back is if I end up with a health issue. I dread the idea that I could be very ill and die alone. On the other hand, I would dread the idea of being with my sister; albeit whether I’m well or ill.
My sister has two teen-aged kids at her home. She has a husband who is a jerk. He’s very opinionated and offensive. Plus he seems like he never cared for my (or my sister’s) family. With the kids, there seems to be so much drama. Her kids are like Gods to her and everything revolves around them. She has spoiled them tremendously.
My sister would want me back because she would feel like she wouldn’t have to worry about me being alone. But knowing her, she would be very domineering with me. I don’t think that I could take being bossed around a lot and being asked for favors constantly. That’s what it was like when I was living with my late parents and her.
I hope and pray that as I get older, I would find a “like-minded” type of community to live in. I live at a condo complex now and my neighbors are not friendly. I am considering living in a “Seniors” place. Some people have objected to that idea for me. But I think that it can only be better for me being in a place like that then where I live now.
Heidi says
Tom,
I can totally relate to you. Where do you live? Write to me if you want to “talk”.
Christine says
Thank you for creating this blog. I am in a similar state as the author and most of those who commented.
I grew up as a Jehovah Witness, from infancy. I was like a child star in the religion, the youngest pioneer in the circuit, on many bible drama’s in the major baseball stadiums. I was putting in 90 + hours a month at the age of 12-20 most of my childhood given up knocking on stranger’s doors. I never had a birthday party, christmas gift or any celebration for myself growing up.
My mother had 8 children and I was the youngest girl. I was physically abused growing up and later in life, I could identify my mother as being narcissistic.
When I began to ask my own questions about the religion and my mother’s behavior that did not coincide with the religion, I became more of a target of my family. My mother turned all of my siblings against me, the religion shunned me and the only one I had to hold onto was my 7 children’s father. Unfortunately he was abusive and I stayed with him for 15 years. Now I realize that I am a 43 year old woman who have been yelled at and abused all of her life. If it wasn’t for my 7 children, I too would be dead. They love me unconditionally and they literally keep me going. But being alone and abused has taken it’s toll on my self esteem and health.
Yet the key is I still am alive. I am now separated from my abusive partner and I do not wish to associate with people who think lowly of me and hurt me in any way. I realize that as long as I am still alive, I can change my fate and there still is hope for a better ending. It is lonely at times and I get weird looks when people hear how many kids I have. We struggle because I have no support from family and no friends to call on. I almost lost my mind several times dealing with my abusive partner. He would cause fights and abandon me in my time of need like right after I have a baby or just get out the hospital or just moved in a new place. He would be verbally abusive and it would remind me of my mother and how she was with me, almost as if I married her again.
Yet here I am , free from abuse and alone with my 7 blessings. This too is a blessing even though it hurt. I am learning to be in the now and take the present as the present it is.
God bless us all and please all of us stay positive.
Todd Stein says
Glad you left the abusive relationship & the religion. Keep on going, you will find your way eventually
Nadia says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this page. I also left an abusive relationship after 13-years of being used financially, emotionally and physically. I didn’t have any children from my previous spouse, but lost my children due to natural miscarriages. It has taken me a lot to process some of the elements of abuse that I went through, as the memories still linger. I am 46-years-old now, and have been on my own for 6-years, and it’s actually other women/men that treat me badly due the fact that I don’t have children. I have tried to make new friends, but it just hasn’t happened. I’m hoping that I can one day put the past behind me and build a new life myself.
Tingus says
Hi every one I ran into this post by accident and I want to say that it has made my day. At least I was able to put a smile on my face after reading the post and reply of others. My life was not a bed of roses. I have live a lonely life to the extend that I start fighting with my self. I got married when I was 14. I have 5boys. I was living happily with my husband he was my hope and my life until one day he change he became abusive domestic violence became my everyday exercise ,he start sleeping with my house help. Because I put all my love and trust in him I was devastated,my world turn around I started experiencing pain… loneliness… he abandoned me and the kids for 6months and live with his lover. Every one ask me to move on too with my life but I have loved him so much that I can’t leave the house.until now he still stays with her. And I keep asking my self where did I go wrong. I still take good care of my body and maintain my shape even after 5 kids. I don’t know what else to do I feel so alone and lonely.
Rachel says
I was feeling really alone and decided to google just that “I feel alone”. I found this blog and reading all these comments from others who are suffering or have suffered the same as I am has made me feel more normal.
My boyfriend broke up with me but it wasn’t a clean break up. We pretended like we were still together for a couple months and have been treating each other like a couple (off and on) for the last few months. He wasn’t always good to me. I just don’t know how to let go of someone I care about so much. Sometimes he was the sweetest man I’d ever met and others he would call me names, telling me how I can never do things right. I wasn’t ever really allowed to have conversations with anyone of the opposite gender so I lost so many friendships. We work together and resorted to only talking to anyone who’s male to convey work related information. He would still get irate and yell at me if he caught another man “checking me out” and I didn’t notice. I tried as hard as I could manage to be everything he wanted me to be. It was just never enough. There were always situations that another one of his female friends could’ve easily handled better. According to him, everyone else could do all the things he asked easily, I was the dumb one who couldn’t do things right.
After we broke up, he admitted to cheating on me once a week for the last month we dated with a married woman. She was the only other friend I had at work, the only other person I trusted and they both let me down. I wasn’t sure how to handle finding out two people I trusted and continued to talk to through the break up were doing something so hurtful behind my back. He would say he needed time to himself so I would go stay with my parents but he was really going to her place. I slept on my parents couch while he cheated on me. She ended up finding another job and leaving before I ever find out what was going on. They continued sleeping together for months after our break up, it only stopped when she left apparently. She was also the person my ex would compare me to the most often, saying how she did things right and I didn’t. Yet, after we broke up and I compared myself to her, he would tell me I “need to stop comparing myself to her”.
In the end, I’m left with almost no friends, nobody to have a conversation with at work, and no boyfriend. I did an excellent job of pushing everyone who tried to get close to me away to please my ex. At the time, I didn’t regret a thing. Now, I just feel alone.
His sweet moments he was everything I ever wanted out of a life partner, and I have always been extremely forgiving of others faults. The problem is, he was never forgiving of mine. All the yelling and name calling just leaves me beaten down and now I feel extremely broken. I have trouble getting out of bed some days and even more trouble leaving my apartment.
It’s been difficult rebuilding my self esteem when I felt like a failure so often in the relationship. I just don’t know what to do anymore and feel very very alone.
Betsy says
Hi Rachel
Your ex boyfriend suffers from a personality disorder. Please google narcissist or go on YouTube and search for the same. There is a veey good website…narcissitsupport.com that might be helpful in dealing with your questions. The point is that it’s not you. You are fine and lovable. He is the one with the problem. Please read and inform yourself on how you have been a victim. You will meet someone else and fall in love again. Take care of yourself. Hugs.
BlackMirror says
I am so very alone. I am 36/F, and have yet again exited a failed relationship. No kids, never been married, no partner, no family besides my mother whom I had to move back in with because I do not make enough money at a crap general labor job, and my mother and I do not get along very well. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, summa cum laude, and I am working for $300.00 a week cleaning offices because after 4 years of looking for work in my degree field, no one would hire me. Over 1000 applications sent out, about 40 interviews, paid to have a resume expert do mine, and I always do well in interviews. The catch is I have no experience, just education, so no one will hire me. Everyone tells me to do volunteer work to get the experience. To heck with that! I need money to survive. I can’t afford to work for free! I can’t even get an office job as an assistant or something, even though I have an IQ of 130 and am familiar with MS office, etc., because of no experience working in an office. Ridiculous! I have spinal stenosis and am in constant pain and the work I do only makes it hurt worse and I need to get out of cleaning offices before I physically cannot do it anymore and end up with no job. And after almost 5 years, no one will give me a chance in a different line of work even though I am smart and educated. I have no female friends because they all seem to bore the heck out of me, talking about boys and fashion and shopping (bleh) and my dream was always to be a successful musician, but that never panned out. I have a music studio, but I never write music anymore because I have no inspiration to do so. I have over 40 songs written. I am on 2 dating sites, am constantly looking for a better job, I eat healthy, work out, meditate, and do all I can to make my life better. But it is failure after failure after failure. Loneliness on top of loneliness on top of loneliness. Everything I do amounts to nothing. I have lost so many people in my life, my heart is broken in so many pieces spread across this world. I have lost so many people I have loved I lost count. I cannot catch a break. And this isn’t no 6 month rut I’m in. I keep trying and trying and trying for YEARS and still, nothing. Loneliness. I have no hope. I just want to be married, have a child, and a decent job. That’s all. I want for so little. And this was my rant. There is no happy ending here. I do what I can to survive, but I am not happy. Who would be if your whole life was one failure after another…..one loss after another….yeah.
preetam says
this article is definitely worth taking all suggestions…. i was feeling very lonely these days….but as a new year resolution i decided to give up on all negative thoughts those come to me…..still under the process of rejuvenation but felt even better after reading this article…. its good to see even strangers are trying to help out others when your own people leave you miserable….thanks again…keep going…keep guiding….
Christian says
I have barely left the house in 6 years. I feel alone and I can’t explain too much of my situation here. I’m 38 and life is just bad for me. constantly depressed, worried about my future. I have severe anxiety, but honestly the word severe doesn’t begin to describe how bad my anxiety it. I’ve taken ever pill they make for this, nothing really works, some have bad side effects. All I really want is someone who understands me, that I can talk to and that isn’t penciling me in for 1 hour, because that feels so less than genuine to me.
Enthne says
Dear Marc,
I have been feeling lonely, sad and alone for some time now and today was the worst that I searched the internet about loneliness. Among the results I found, I was drawn to check your website first. While reading your article, I just can’t stop crying. You have mentioned so many points that have been true in my life. I also have been regretting my past – i.e. wrong decisions in almost everything, which contributed to my anxiety for my future. After reading the comments, I realized that I was not alone.
Your article has been an inspiration. Thank you.
John says
Thank you. I am alone. I have next to no family. My father left when I was one and I never knew any of his family. My mom is basically all I got. Her and a niece, I don’t really have a relationship with. I’m 44. My mother is 76. When my mother passes, I will be fully alone…not that I’m not already alone.
They are back in Indiana where I grew up. I’m now in a small town in south eastern Missouri.
I was married. She and I were together for 22 years. High school sweethearts. We have three boys – 15 and twin 10 year olds. I guess the grass was greener somewhere else, because she moved out with her lover and they are now married. Initially we had 50/50 with neither of us paying support, but she didn’t like that. She took m boys and I get to pay her for it.
I miss my boys. 6 nights out of 30, I no longer feel like a parent no matter HOW much people try to convince me.
I’m alone. I go to work. I go home. That’s my life. I’m losing ground.
I feel oddly different to even my own boys. Intrusive. It’s surreal when the time come to see them I get almost nervous. I almost feel the desire to distance myself because the pain and heartache of saying goodbye after my ‘visit’.
I don’t like life much anymore. Food doesn’t interest me. I don’t laugh much at all. It’s harder to smile.
You and I completely collide on your last point. My inner voice repeats the mantra in my head when something begins to evoke tears…’Doesn’t Matter’. I say that to quell the emotions and feelings when they surface. They surface frequently.
Cassandra says
John,
I am heart-broken by your pain. It takes a real man to be a father, and to have your fatherhood and what you thought was a sound marriage stripped from you, is sad to say the least. It does matter, every bit of it. It matters because this pain makes you whom you are and helps you to determine the man you want to be and never want to be. Only when we are at our lowest points can we truly rise to be the best versions of ourselves. Or… we can choose to withdraw and be the worst versions of ourselves. I am very sorry for your loss and your situation. I only hope that you can find some solace in the small silver linings, such as distance making the heart grow fonder.
JaneLuca says
I’m in my early 40s and recently went back to a job I left 3 years prior because I was called back. But when I did that job – and the project ended – they pushed me to another Dept doing half of what I was put there for. And now I’m watching others around me getting to do the job I was hired for and watching them getting training and looking happy and that makes me sad. It’s hard for me to get another job as this role is niche and my skills sets can’t be transferred to another sector. So do I have to rot here and watch others thrive? That kills me every day. I just have to keep applying for other jobs and keep keeping on with this one. I feel so sad and betrayed. I gave my all to this role and now I’m just floating. I’m so sad.
K says
It has made me smile to feel not alone reading these posts. I have felt deep loneliness…where does everyone go when they go…i havent kept up with so many people…some i miss some im glad they gone. I am approaching 40 no partner..no children…i live with my parents..and have been hospitalised 3times…which i am extremely embarresed about. I feel disolusiined with this life ..career…gettin my body in shape…feeling strong bouts of anxiety lately and nausea…i miss connection…miss reaching out…miss being hugged…laughter….it will come i pray for all of us ..
erik carlson says
I’m feeling a little lost myself nowadays for some reason. I just earned my graduate degree and am looking for a job (no luck yet) and my finances are starting to get low. My family lives over 1000 miles away and while I do know people in the area I live in now, they’re busy with their lives (jobs and friends) so my social life is kind of dead. I do have a thesis project that I’m getting ready to send to festivals and I have a writing project in mind for a contest that starts next year to focus on but at the same time, I’m wondering what will happen if I don’t get accepted to many festivals or if both projects get lukewarm responses because I literally have no idea what I’ll do after them. The new location I’m in is good (although I prefer back home with my family) and accepted I’ll probably be here for a while but heading back to my apartment, I just felt empty or kind of lost for some reason and not sure why. Any thoughts?
Anonymous 14 year old girl says
I’m 14. I know you may think it’s just my age but I’ve been through some things. My parents had me at a young age and my mother suffered from depression after I was born. My father left to the army when I was 7 and can back when I was 10 but had severe ptsd and committed suited shortly after he came back. A lot of people think that I’m just overreacting because of my age but I really do feel lost and alone. It seems like my mother doesn’t want me sometimes and that makes me feel more isolated from the world. I wish there was a way for me to be truly happy again. I know I have my friends that support me but there is no way that they can understand how I truly feel under my smiles and jokes.
michelle says
You are so strong. I am 21 and I can only imagine how difficult your life has been so far. It is truly inspiring that you shared how you are feeling. You are a beautiful person. I have a feeling that good things will come your way.
I’m wishing you all the best.
With love,
Michelle
Bluesman says
I’m 42. I remember pretty clearly how I felt when I was your age, and also had a couple of things going on with my life, not on the great side. There is no age barrier with sadness and the feeling of loneliness. If you feel it, it is real for you. People do relate with it but we tend to try and “move on”. Sometimes more fast than we should. Take a moment to embrace your sadness. Cry if you must. Then realise what is that you miss, what makes you hurt. Is it the distance with your mother? Is it the distance with a loved one or a friend? Try to fix it. If it can be fixed try to accept it. If you can’t accept it, try to forget it. Life is amazing; find what makes you whole in it.
Nicholas says
After reading other entries on here, I’d just like to say you are all so strong to keep going & keep fighting. What a true inspiration you are.
cathy says
it was foolish I know to try to look for answers again – there are no answers. it’s so nice to hear the suggestions – you’re not alone, sometimes it good to be alone, change is difficult, life makes you strong, etc. well, you know, all those ideas are good, but sometimes, they just don’t work for some reason. I’m 63 now, never married, no children, no SO – been alone for 35yrs – was alone as a child, in school, at work, in public arenas. I have plenty of acquaintances. say hi a lot. there is something about my personality that I am lacking. I have nothing any one wants or needs. I’ve been around the world – but no one anywhere found me interesting. I tell stories, I share my thoughts, I listen, I care, but no one seems to take an interest. I volunteer, I try to help, I give rides taking other people to their destinations. I’ve gone on dating sites, on blind dates, to parties, to festivals. I deal w/people every day. I’ve had animals, I read current events, I bake things & take it to work. I’ve been nice, I’ve been not so nice. I’ve been motherly, sisterly, a bff, a bitch, a nun, an educated person, someone stupid. it doesn’t seem to matter. I am alone – and being alone for so long, I do know how to take care of myself – but I guess, for some, that in itself is off-putting. I haven’t had sex since 1982. I’m of normal weight, I’m not extremely ugly, but I’m not that pretty. I try to laugh. I’m not religious. I just guess that some people are destined to be alone. I’m alone here. I cry sometimes – but, you know, that doesn’t mean much in the end. it just make you alone & depressed – I try not to be depressed. I am grateful for every day. if the sun is out, I am happy. if someone talks w/me for a min., I’m happy. that is all there is, I guess. I mean, I may want for more – but after all these yrs – these decades – I’ve pretty much just settled for that – cause that is all there is for me. but I wish everyone the best.
I AM MY OWN DOCTOR says
Clearly we all have our issues affecting us at different times. Some last longer than others. And it does seem normal to feel terrible about it.
Seeking relief is also normal but the search may seem futile. Comforting words, expressed through experiences of others like those comments above sometimes bring momentary relief but then all seems to return to a state of despair. Not intending too sound pessimistic… it’s just realty for many.
I WILL CLEARLY EXPRESS… that nothing positive is going to happen to anyone without sound will, effort and dedication to follow thru on resolving a hurtful situation (like lonliness). Sorry, that’s just the way it is.
We’ve got to be strong enough inside to to pick ourselves up to try (make an effort) and initiate change.
It’s easy to read advice (like this perhaps) and be somewhat inspired and say “alright, I will do something about it”. Only to forget our moment of inspiration the next day and be right back where we left off and maybe even feel worse and inadequate.
So, what should we do… Sorry, but we’ve got to be tough on ourself to stop sulking and get at it. Try different things… live…. and do some investigating on what to do. The Internet is a great place to start and so are book stores.
I guarantee that you will actually be overwhelmed by the overload of ideas that will surface.. the challenge will be in deciding or figuring out which idea(s) may suit you.
It doesn’t matter because you’very already begun to heal just by the act of researching. You must move… act… do. The more time spent doing (your research) the more things unfold because you have ignited your brain. Lit the fuse so to speak.
Doesn’t matter what or if you change ideas on the fly. That’s even a good thing. Guaranteed that your time spent researching will lead you to encountering people as you go about your daily life. It’s the spark that lights the fuse. EFFORT.
Just don’t stay cooped up at home hoping things will turn around. Time will otherwise pass by and you will be dead before you realized what bit you in the arse.
Things may not happen straight away but acting on change is a start. And will accelerate provided you are willful.
It’s about will and determination and you got to want it. If not, and you think it won’t work for you and you return or continue sulking… then sorry to say, but it will take much longer to get out of your funk. Essentially, you are your own “get well” doctor.
Oh come on… give it a shot. I am.
Kat says
I’m 60, single, and live alone. I’m an active person. Many of my friends are no longer able to do active things, and consequently, the friendship activities have change to movies or dinners out. I enjoy that, but I have no one to do active things with.I do meet-ups and have an online profile. I end up doing things by myself because I don’t want to stay home all the time. I’m not alone; I have wonderful friends and family, but I am very lonely. I’d love to have a boyfriend who enjoys doing the things I like to do. I feel like I’m doing what I can to make that happen, but it doesn’t happen. I’m frustrated. After turning 60, I feel like time is running out. I’m trying to be positive, but I’m losing that battle.
Andreslh says
This is great, really!
Your choice of words, your rationale behind each sentence, is extremely powerful. Well done!
Thank you! You cheered me up, and I know that was the intention of this blog post.
Best, Andres
Sherene says
I would first like to say thanks to all those that shared their stories and innermost thoughts. I came to this site seeking solace. There is no joy in knowing that others are hurting just as much and sometimes worse than you are. I’m generally a happy person, but my low moments can really be low. I’d like to tell the persons feeling like I do, that things will get better and things happen for a reason but I can’t. I can’t understand why there is pain and suffering in the world, I can’t understand why genuine kindness and affection are so hard to come by, I don’t get why the ugliness in this world seems to swallow you whole. I hope one day all our burdens become lighter, I pray that we have the strength to stick around and wait for it to happen.
N says
My heart is broken, I have no friends and I feel like I’m just a bitter resentful person in general. It’s 2.15 and I’m absolutely shattered, my fiancée was going to cheat on me and I found out about it and now we are no longer together. I feel like I need to cry but I can’t , my stomach is in actual physical pain. I feel like I’ve been shot. I don’t understand why I am the way I am but I’m an incredibly fake person.. When I met my gf I had to lie about having a social life, in reality all my friends just left me.. Not sure why but they all just stopped being my friends over the period of a few years.. I kind of shrugged it off like “oh sure I didn’t really make an effort to stay in contact” in reality I remember calling them and texting them and just getting rejected for reasons unknown.. My fiancée name is Ciara and I loved her from day one, she was so full of life and energy and she was fun.. I think I ruined her life by being in it and that’s probably what has me hurt the most. When I saw the messages on her phone I knew she had found a connection with another guy like the one we had years ago, that’s how I know it’s over. Meanwhile I returned to education so I’m in a university , totally out of my depth … Living with 2 20 something year olds and nobody in my class really has time for me. Now my motivation for being here is gone.. I went here so I could get a job and provide for her. I’ve been under so much stress for the past few years I think it took its toll on us, I always thought we could see it through and that I’d make up for it ten fold when I start working. I can’t even think straight, what am I going to do , I have nobody else. Maybe in the morning my mind will be clearer.. I thought this would help me, I’ve never posted a message or expressed my feelings like this before but it’s not working I just feel worse.
Sariah says
I am 26 years old and in my whole life no one has really wanted me. My friends from school days made fun of me and thought I was too much. I am generally happy, funny, smart, and caring but I have yet to find someone who wants to be there for me the way I have been for others. I love people. I have taken people in, given everything I have, been the reliable one you can always call, and even sacrificed some of my morals and self worth to be liked. I have dealt with emotional abuse and put up with a shit ton I shouldn’t have. I always end up left behind but the people that interact with me in the workplace really care and say I light up every room. I don’t get it. I don’t think people find me romantically attractive and I lost my only friend recently because I couldn’t keep paying her rent. When the moneys gone and the parties over I have no one. I am so depressed and do next to nothing when i’m Not working. I think I might be alone for most of my life and am trying to accept it but it hurts really bad. I have been single since I was 17 and have never been in a relationship where I was loved. I try so hard to be the best I can be but the things that used to make me happy don’t anymore and I have been hurt so badly I can’t really trust anyone. I can remember what old me was like. Singing and hopeful staying up watching romantic comedies and crying because I was so happy for the characters and the prospect of being in love one day. Now I can’t watch things like that without getting angry. I am bitter, afraid, alone, and depressed at the age of 26. If I am supposed to be learning from this I really don’t know what because I have had no friends for two years and am really independent. I am getting ready to buy a house and the only thing that keeps me going is fiscal gain. My passion for life used to be unmatched and now I feel like i’ve Missed all the best parts and am waiting for the credits.
— says
I would just like to say thank you for writing g this it saved me from doing something stupid after reading this I realised why I’m feeling what I am feeling no one can tell you that in person I am going to share this with my family.
Paprika says
I feel very lonely at this point in my life. I am a single 47 year old woman with no children. I am a teacher; yet, work on contract. My work is so intense with lots of marking that it does not leave me with enough time to socialize either. I used to be dating a man for a while whose address I did not even know and to whom I was sexually attracted. Nonetheless, I looked forward to seeing him and getting his texts. Then, he started to barely text me and I finally asked him to not come over anymore nor to contact me as it had gotten too much! He wouldn’t even text towards the end unless he wanted to have sex, I assume. But I still miss the anticipation of his texts and the touch of his body. He once sent me the picture of the private part of another woman and on another occasion said that he was going for a bj, but he would fix my car and my table and take me out for sushi once in a while. We would also have fun conversations in bed about philosophy and world events.. The problem is I miss this man because I am lonely. I meet over a hundred students a week on average and yet I feel lonely because I come to an empty home and am overwhelmed with papers to mark and lessons to prepare and no time to forge new ties or make new friends. I sometimes wonder what will happen to me if I end up very sick. There is no one to help me or spend some time with me. I listen to the news and try to watch educational programs, but I feel a void in me. Also, I think I have turned into a difficult person over the years and that maybe I do not deserve anyone. I am highly educated and speak a couple of languages. Nevertheless, I feel like a failure. I have poor vision and see my faculties going down the hill. I am also going through menopause and am gaining extra weight. I am coming to resent myself for all my flaws and part of me with menopause, there will be no man who would want to date me. I appreciate your time and response.
Hunter says
I doubt anyone will read this as all the comments are so dated. But I feel as if using this to vent will really allow my mind to calm down. First and foremost , reading all these comments really made me feel a whole lot better – knowing that I’m not alone with these feelings means the absolute world to me.
I am 21 and one semester away from graduating from college . I had just accepted a job offer a far distance away from eveything I know, to be where I think will make me happy. I have had loneliness feelings literally all my life , and every attempt at love I found myself in has always ended in my heart being shattered. I’m so terrified about making these life decisions that I’m about to have to make. When deep down the only thing I really want is just to have someone to love me , to be there for me , someone to make every day feel as if it should of happened. That’s what I want and need , and I feel as if I’ll never find that and only make it harder to find that if I leave behind the only place I’ve ever known. As this last semester comes closer and closer , I find my self becoming more torn , I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My friend always call me the most optimistic, happiest, and strongest person they know. But they have no idea how close I am to falling into a an abyss. I used to have someone so close to myself , someone who I talked to about everything that happened every single day. Now I don’t have that anymore and good god I just wish I had someone to talk to. And I know my problem which what makes it so much worse , I don’t even try to talk to anyone romantically anymore because the idea of being hurt again is something that I just can’t even imagine. And I know that no one is just going to fall from the sky into my arms and magically love me , as much as I dream about it. So I just don’t know what to do.
I’ve always dreamed about that one someone , someone who looks into my eyes and the whole world just falls away. But then again everyone on this page also dreams about that. My message to everyone out there , let’s never give up , one day each and everyone of us will be where we want to be. We’ve all been hurt to some extent , and I know it sucks but we need to use it as our strength , our motivation to prove to the world that we are worth it too.
I hope everyone who posted in these comments are happier now.
Hunter
Anonymous says
I’ve never felt so alone before. It’s so confusing. I don’t know who I should please, myself or all the people who think I’m always mad. I’m only 14 so I guess I’ll get over it eventually. Highschool is terrible. Im going to the school none of my friends wanted to go to. I thought it would be an adventure, and it definitely was, just not a good one. All these new people that think they are better than you, your friends, and everyone in between. When you’re not super outgoing people look at you like you’re so kind of freak. Like I’m sorry if I just really don’t want the entire class to know about every aspect of my life. Or any aspect for that matter. I like being private, and I only let my close friends in all the way. I hate sharing with new people, being quiet is my escape. People judge me even when I don’t talk to them, but if I did say something they would still judge me. People I thought were my friends are making me feel alone. I could be in a big group of people and still feel alone because they act like they don’t hear me. All they do is look at me and constantly remind me of how awful they are. But only 7 more weeks of this terrible freshmen year and then I get to go to a school with my closest friends. I know that then I won’t feel alone, hopefully.
Nicholas says
Life began well, I loved being me, I had no problem being me, it was fun! I said what I liked, I couldn’t care less what others thought of my views, I was mischievous with my friends, we had a great time. Even though I never listened in school & ended up being suspended a number of times putting my parents through a turbulent few years, I succeeded passing all my exams with decent grades. School (secondary school) was brilliant, if I could turn back time and go back, there is no doubt in my mind I would love to. Since then things have changed. I have never felt that feeling of being a part of something since. I’m now aged 30 and the last 14yrs have been…. I don’t know, nothing? I struggle to speak my mind. I feel constantly judged. I don’t say how I feel or I more say what I think people want me to say which I hate. My life is suffocating, draining me that little bit more day by day. I have no purpose in life. Life passes me by. I’ve never ever been shy of work. I’ve worked none-stop since I was 16yrs old however I’ve never had money to show for it. Alcohol and drugs took up a lot of my money in my teens and 20’s which I have managed to 60% deal with in terms of controlling my drug & alcohol habit much more than I used to. Drugs & alcohol are an escape but I’ve grown to realise they only make things worse. In one sense I am happy to know that I still feel that burning desire inside me to succeed in life & be happy, whilst I have that I guess I have hope. I have endless amounts of anger & frustration inside which I think can come in use, however I haven’t yet understood how to control and use it in a positive way. I want a purpose in my life. I want happiness. I want satisfaction. I want that feeling of fitting in. I want confidence, even just a little! I want to wake up to something which gets me out of bed in the morning. I want something to put a spring in my step at times. I understand life is full of ups & downs, it is no fairytale, however having not experienced many positives over the past 14yrs it is a struggle to remain positive, it is a daily fight infact. My exterior and interior could not be any different, most people think i’m easy going, relaxed, fun (i hope!), generally a good person but internally i’m screaming and crying for help or guidance. I rarely speak anymore as I feel I’ve literally nothing to say or there is no point, someone will speak to me and I go to my brain for a reply and there is nothing there! I’ve been guilty of self pity in the past and probably still do have an element of that to this day. I visit the gym regularly again now after years of not going, putting on weight & not really caring about health, I play football each week, I try to eat well, I try to stay away from the pub and any events/parties which I think will lead me into another bag of cocaine. I think I’m exhausted of pretending to the world that I’m fine, when I’m not. Sometimes I think I am lucky to have these problems in comparison to others, but that does not make dealing with my problems any easier. Somedays I worry that this is all getting too much and there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I haven’t given up the fight yet and deep down I believe (more often than not) I have what it takes to WIN this fight.
Aleksander says
Thank you for this article. It has lot of true, soothing words and offers different look at troubling reality.