You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are
too attached to the things you’re supposed to let go of.
Many people believe holding on and hanging in there, infinitely, are signs of incredible strength. But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then to actually do it.
In today’s video blog post we’re going to take a look at some signs it might be time to let go.
Video Blog Post:
Signs it’s Time to Let Go (video transcript):
1. Someone constantly expects you to be someone you’re not.
A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences. So be cordial, but don’t completely change who you are for someone else simply because it’s what THEY want, or because it’s what THEY think is best for you.
If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back. It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else. It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where somebody else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be.
2. A person’s actions don’t match their words.
Be wary of people who only tell you what you want to hear. It’s so easy to believe someone when they’re telling you exactly what you want to hear, but you have to watch what they do too. Actions speak louder than words – actions speak the whole truth.
Honestly, everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent, and their actions never match up with their words, it might be time to let them go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. In the end, true friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. So don’t just listen to what your “friends” say; watch what they do over the long-term. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves.
3. You have a habit of moping and feeling sorry for yourself.
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice. No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse. Negative thinking creates negative results. Positive thinking creates positive results. Period. The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today. Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
Eventually you will realize that happiness is not the absence of problems, but simply the ability to deal well with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
4. You’re clutching tight to an easy-street mentality.
Great accomplishments aren’t easy; they’re worth it! So forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. Right NOW is always the best time to break out of your shell. Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.
Someday you will look back on your life and realize that everything worthwhile you’ve ever accomplished initially challenged you. And that is as it should be, because big challenges often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary success. Every struggle arises for a reason – either for experience or as a lesson. A great journey is never easy, and no dose of adversity along the way is ever a waste of time if you learn and grow from it.
Remember, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards, and such is life. When life is pulling you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to eventually launch you forward in a positive direction. So keep focusing, and keep aiming!
5. You truly dislike your current situation.
In life, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, rather than the top of the one you don’t. So don’t let people who gave up on their goals talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in most situations is to follow your intuition. Take risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing good will ever happen.
In addition, realize that it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken either. Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something brand new. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly. Sometimes growing stronger means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and circumstances, and finding something different that truly moves you – something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning. That’s what LIVING is all about. Don’t just settle for the default settings in life, when you can customize absolutely everything. (Read The 4-Hour Workweek.)
6. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past.
Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back. Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present. Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place. Let it GO! You must accept the end of something in order to build something new. So close some old doors today. Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere.
Even after the toughest times, eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. You will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of a new beginning.
Your turn…
If you feel like you need to let something go, but you simply haven’t been able to do so, know that you’re not alone. Accepting what is, letting go, and moving on are skills that all of us must learn when facing the realities of life, but these are also skills that take time to master. And today we challenge you to put in a little time…
Sit quietly with yourself, and ask, “What’s the #1 thing I need to let go of right now?” Once you have it figured out, leave us a comment below and let us know what you’re going to start letting go of.
Photo by: Lotus Carroll
Ashok says
Hey Guys!
This post was brilliant.
We are expecting our kid anytime now and still I found time to read your post.
It really pushes me forward.
You are doing a wonderful job.
Thanks.
Vhon says
My negativity, I want to erase it in my mind. Thanks to your post.
Lisa says
@Rowan. I completely understand where you’re coming from. I was in exactly the same predicament as you and finally let go of my career of 22 years. I held on to it way too long simply out of fear. Moving on was the best thing I ever did. It was still challenging but it freed me in so many ways. Once I let go of my career I found there were other things I felt ready to let go of too. Sometimes you need to close the door before another one opens. Best of luck
Albert says
Your posts are some of the most informative, practical guides to living I have come across. As a Meaning Of Life blogger what you say has an impact. Thank you for your thoughtful posts and spreading a message that can help people every day!
Lena says
@Elizabeth – Oh boy do I understand where you are coming from. I have only one child and when she left I was completely unprepared for the heartache. I see her and speak to her often, but as you know it isn’t the same. And I’m lost – my foundation shifted and I have been in a sort of holding pattern ever since which means that I am not moving forward as I should.
I want to spread my own wings but must also, I think, let go of the marriage too. there seems to be nothing left of my old identity and a new path is right there for me to walk down (a career direction) but I’ve been holding on and holding back. Trying to keep her old room (literally and figuratively) there for her. I fear that if I change I will lose her for good. Does that make sense?
Anyway, it is definitely time to let go, move onward and upward and stop being fearful that my daughter will somehow disappear forever if her mom grows as a person. 🙂 Good luck to you in your journey, I know it is tough.
jen says
I need to let go and leave the boy I’m seeing who tells me he cares but still sleeps with other people.
Ryan Spicer says
Approval, hands down. I don’t need permission to live my life. I have the choice to do what I want when I want and have no obligation to feel guilty about it.
Nashreen says
Great post
I need to let go my failed marriage and start all over… it’s been since one year we split and I definitely want to move on to the next phrase of life and happiness.
D says
Today’s post was powerful for most of us. This could be the 5th blog, workshop, newsletter, I’ve read this week that seems to have the same theme of ‘going after your dreams’, ‘decide how you want to live your life’…and it seems to be directed at ME. CRAZY!
I will say that time heals all wounds…for the most part. I got divorced about 7 years ago and can now be friendly with my ex husband. But a lot of hard work went into that, and I felt it was the best thing I could do for my children…and my own sanity. Work through your pain. You can fall down, but make sure you get up and keep moving forward. It’s worth it! And in other relationships with friends and family, be true to you and ignore the rest. A friend once told me ‘When people show you who they really are, believe them’…good or bad, this is true…act accordingly when you realize who the people in your life are.
My kids just moved out and I am an empty nester. I have no idea WHAT I WANT TO DO NOW! I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do. I’m not unhappy, I’m just blah …time to do the work for the next phase in this life!
Shawn says
@V, I’m not going to use any cliches here because you’ve probably heard a bunch of them before. Bear out the storm, light at the end of the tunnel, etc. I just want you to remember not to lose hope. Do NOT give up and let go of life.
There’s so much to do, so much to see, so much to experience, so much to be. Life was good two years ago and it sucks now, but who knows what it might be like in another two years? Find as many shoulders to cry on and vent as much as you need to — if you don’t have friends nearby, the people on here are extremely supportive.
This is the first time I’ve posted a comment on this blog, but I wanted to write something because no one else had and I didn’t want you to feel like you’re being ignored. All I’m asking is that whatever you do, please don’t give up.
Best wishes for you and your future.
Bonnie says
A relationship/friendship with someone who doesn’t care about my feelings like I do about his. I have spent so many so many long phone conversations listening to his problems, helping him talk through relationship woes, unemployment, helping him move, etc., etc. The only thing I expected from him was that he would be there for me. He has told me things he shouldn’t have about his feelings for me when he was drinking and doesn’t remember when he’s sober. Frustrating? Certainly. Hurtful? Most definitely. But as in past relationships, I know in time I will be able to move on. So far it’s been a week. It just takes a lot of tears and persistence to not go back to what was.
Thanks to you both, Marc and Angel for giving us all the inspiration and confidence that we can do it!
styvo says
I always look forward to the comment section…you guys make me believe that we truly are in this together! Everyone who believes in conscious personal growth and a better life… we are on the same team…I would like to encourage everyone to simply let go of people and things which are not worth your time…you deserve better. Remember…don’t make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs… I’ve actually just deleted all the contacts who i feel they don’t deserve me…as they took me for granted all the time…am feeling much better…focused and energized..thank you MARC AND ANGEL…blessings!!
Nicki says
I need to let go of the negativity and constant criticism instilled by my mother. I am now over 50 and just learning to deal with this. There are times when it is still easy to hear her in my head telling me ” I cant do x , not good enough” etc.
Thank you for this post and all your posts! They help me realize, not only that I am not alone in this but that one day the only voice that I should hear is mine.
Cheryl says
THANK YOU! This is the first time I have received your words and they have come at the exact moment I needed them!
Emma says
I have so much people around me who can not let go of the past, especially my family. It seems like they are living in the past. It is hard to have a conversation with them, because they see negativity in everything. Any advice how to change this? Thanks.
Emma
christina says
Honestly, I need to get rid of a relationship I’m in. And I now know I can.
HL says
I need to let go of being unhappy. I’m just so used to it. It gives me a convenient excuse to be not good enough, not competent enough, and deflect any responsibility. I’m too used to this feeling and I’m sick and tired of it. I don’t know what I really want to do with my life but afraid to quit my job because of the financial security it brings. It really tears at me because the stresses at the job have taken a toll on a wonderful and loving relationship that I’ve always wanted. I need to let all that go. I need hope… I need faith. It’s a beautiful day outside. Just let me enjoy it.
Rich Fletcher says
I’m letting go of people who do not understand that “letting go” does not equate with slamming the door in someone’s face. Far to many people use “letting go” as an excuse to leave others, rather than sitting down with them and discussing their different perceptions- out of fear that their perceptions will be challenged. It absolutely IS ego, pride and inner wounding masquerading as a grown up behavior of properly letting go. This type of “letting Go” as exit strategy from relationship is a recipe for never learning from one’s past, never understanding one another, and laying the groundwork for repeating mistakes in relationships. Of course, many claim they’re “growing”… Because it feels empowering. Please, it takes compassion, not compulsion, in order to move on with grace and understanding.
Drew says
I have to let go of my old life and embrace the chaotic, unknown that is the life that will be according to me!
As well as 20 years of bad habits to unlearn.
jess says
I need to forget about him.
Angel Chernoff says
@Anne: It’s not that those who are strong never get weak in the knees, or that they never hold their breath before they embark… It’s that while their knees are shaking, they force themselves to breathe and continue taking steps forward. Keep up the great work!
@Pauline: This ending is not THE END, it’s just your life beginning again in a new way. It’s a point in your story where one chapter fades into the next. Way to take charge. =)
@Anna: Today is the first day of the rest of your life. From this point on, let there be no excuses, no explanations and no regrets. Start from where you are right now, break free from your cage of comfort and take a bold step forward. You’re making the right decision. Put yourself first.
@Paul R: To combat people-pleasing behavior, learn to say “no.” Oftentimes when you say “no” to someone else, you are really saying “yes” to YOU.
@Andrew: I love this: “If her and I were meant to be, we will be. Until then, it’s all about me.”
@Emma: Seriously, be strong and know when enough is enough! Letting go of negative people doesn’t mean you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it just means you care about your own well being. Because every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive.
@All: The next step is to follow through. At the end of the day it’s you who has to live with your decisions. Put yourself first. And thanks, as always, for the comments and added insight.
VV says
I need to let go of my relationship. I can not be with someone who wants to change me. I am young and see the writing on the wall, it’s now or never.
SLB says
I am letting go my reaction to my siblings’ selfishness and arrogance – ultimately what they lose in ignoring mom (in her time illness) will be more painful to them – my frustration and anger helps no one – so I’ll laugh with mom and continue to learn from her. What a gift to me!?
Cassie says
This is so right on all levels and been there done that and still in it sometimes. Thank you so much for the posts you always seem to post at the perfect times
Tiffany says
The number one thing I need to let go of is feeling like I’m never good enough for the toxic people in my life like my family. I continue to try n prove my worth to them no matter how low I feel when i continue to be influenced by them. I need to let go of the anxiety I feel when I need to be perfect around them bc that’s what they expect of me. I’m working on this right now. One day soon, it’ll happen.
Nomafu says
One thing I want to let go of forever is thinking of the time my son’s heart stopped beating. I heard every bone break from his body till he was fragile. I pray that I deal with that trauma and move on… May his soul rest in peace.
My Souls Torture says
Oh am I having the hardest time with letting go… What’s even more insane is I am having a hard time letting go of someone who I have loved for over 9 years & have never been given the chance to truly show it. I have told him of my feelings & we still communicate on occasion but definitely nowhere near what we use to and I feel that I messed everything up. He never did anything to make me feel this way there’s just something about him. I miss my motivational messages he use to send to me and don’t know where to turn. He is the most fantastic, charming, witty, smart, humble man I have ever met In my life. I just wish I was given the opportunity to show how I feel… Hopelessly “IN LOVE”…..
Cynthia says
I love someone that has made our life together a lie. Actions speak louder than words. I need to walk the other way…
Sophie says
I need to let go of negative thoughts about myself and negative thoughts about my best friend. I’ve been overly anxious and it came off as clingy. Though I don’t think she really cares about me as much as I thought, so maybe it’s time I should lower my expectations too.
Marie Joy says
I am letting go of my past that has caused me fear and lots of doubts about myself. I am letting go of the hatred I have to myself, for the things I’ve done.
Chris says
My husband walked out 6 weeks ago due to a mental breakdown. For 29 years I protected and rescued him. No more, it has to stop today. I need to let him fall and resist the urge to catch him.
lynn says
Today I am choosing to let go of my marriage. In october I separated from my husband of 23 years with whom I have five wonderful children. I realize I have held out hope that this would be a turning point in our relationship. He is an active alcoholic and I left in order to pursue a sober life. I’ve been in recovery for 20 months and being sober has given me the strength to change our lives. mine and my children’s. I hoped that my spouse would arrive at this point. It is clear to me now that our lives are on two different paths…I don’t want to say that I’m giving up HOPE because that sounds so bleak. What I feel is that I am releasing him and me from an unhappy tangle of a life. That I’m closing the door on our married life together and opening the door to who I am meant to be. I didn’t plan on our journey arriving here. It has and we can both continue on our journeys as co-parents and hopefully share a deep and true friendship with one another.
Precious says
The one thing i need to let go of is my boyfriend of 5 months . When we first met we had a special bond with one another then slowly but surely things just changed as quick as they happened. The lying and cheating became something that I could no longer tolerate all I ever asked for was the truth but I never got that. I know that I need to end all contact and just move on with my life no matter how bad it may hurt I have to do it because I deserve to be happy .
Tran says
Thank you Marc and Angel!
I have problems of letting things go. I am a person who move things fast but not at all on letting things go. I hold me back and I couldn’t sleep well at night at all.
I just quit my job last month due to couple of the reasons you do mentioned in your post: my boss is two faces guy, i felt like being trapped by him sometime etc. The past of this resignation decision keep coming back to me and told me that I should be a bit more patient and resign when I have another job in line. Yeah, I haven’t tactical or practical enough or strategic enough to deal with people like him or challenging situations that I have been involved with him.
However, my dream is to start my own business in health and beauty. Probably it is a break to remind me my aim and my purpose in life.
Thanks a bunch!
HT
Ian says
Thanks for the post, interesting to read (cannot watch video at work!). Sometimes though we sometimes cannot see the writing on the wall and we need a catalyst to help us see.
I was in a job that I was just going through the motions with, but I liked the people I worked with. The travelling had got too much.
Then the company had a management shake up and the boss from hell arrived. I was reading “The Pursuit of Wow” by Tom Peters at the time. His advice was simple “leave”. I resigned the very next day.
Six weeks later I was on the plane to Hong Kong to start a really thrilling time in my life.
Thanks again for the blog post!
Jahnavi says
Your Angelic thoughts have definitely made a Mark in my thinking today.
Laura says
I’ve been attempting to move on from a relationship with someone who mentally and emotionally abused. I was told I wasn’t good enough constantly. I was called names and bossed around. Deep down I do love myself, but when you hear hurtful words over and over you start to wonder if they’re true. To this day I still find myself believing I really am a bad person. I’m not. A bad person made me feel that way. I am a good person and I still struggle to let this relationship go.
I work directly with this person at my job and going to work everyday used to be more difficult than I would have ever believed. It’s getting easier, but sometimes it takes its toll. It’s tough to have someone you used to be hugely close with, walk past you in the hall and not even acknowledge you exist. It makes you feel diseased. It makes you wonder what YOU did wrong, not what is going on with them.
Moving on is easier to read about than do. I commend all of you for taking on this feat and I wish you the best of luck…because god knows I know what you’re going through. It’s sadly comforting to know I’m not alone.
anon says
@kathy h. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We’re not alone. I’ve grown tired of not hearing from her. I’m still very heart broken that she holds our only granddaughter hostage from my husband and me. We don’t want to be any place where we are not loved, we are not valued and we are saddened that our only granddaughter is missing out on building some great memories with us. Our hope is that one day, our granddaughter will come and find us and ask for our truths. Our love is still here in our hearts waiting to be shared again.
Teri says
#2 is spot on. My “friend” said he was going through a divorce a year ago. 30 days later he admitted he had not filed. So month after month has past, it is 11 months later. Nothing done. 30 days ago he said he needed a plan to tell his 22 and 25 year old kids he was getting a divorce. Nothing done. He keeps telling me he doesn’t want to lose me and can’t live like this anymore. Nothing done. Now he says this indecisiveness could go on forever. I don’t have forever, he always knew there was a deadline but didn’t want to know when it was. Another month and I am walking away. He let us disintegrate and did nothing. He prefers to stick his head in the sand and do nothing. Actions do speak louder than words; I have never felt so unloved by someone who supposedly truly loved me. I told him over and over, his actions never matched his words. Sadly, he is 55 years old and can’t choose a life with love over having to pay alimony.
leslie says
I need to let go my past husband. We were married for 13 years, I left him and he took his own life. I miss the memories of the good times I miss and am angry when the girls go through or start new chapters and he’s not here to help me…. I am remarried and love my husband, but make him feel second best because I’m always talking about my past husband. I want to let it go but don’t know how…..
Eli Hunter says
Leslie;
If you see this reply to your post, feel free to email me ([email protected]). I lost my husband the same way 15 years ago & understand how you feel. I haven’t been lucky enough to find a 2nd Chapter to remarry, but if I was, I know I’d live in the present moment because it’s something I want so badly & I have learned to appreciate that which I don’t have or can’t find. They were here for the time in which they were meant to be. You don’t have to forget Chapter 1, but remember it’s just the intro to the story; make sure to enjoy the rest of the book, allow the characters to develop, the plot to thicken…a story cannot exist without the main character – that is YOU, not HIM.
Elaine says
I had to let go of a friend recently. It was something ive thought about for a while. I didnt feel good after id left him. When I split up from my husband it was difficult and he was there but when I then met someone else, he went mad. Which was a shock to me because id never knew he liked me. I told him the truth, i didnt lie to him and told him I didnt want any contact with him. I have to have only straight up people in my life, not people who take my sunshine, ive had enough negative in my life. I just think it’s better to be honest now and he knows (it probably hurt) but I just wanted him to know I was honest. I have asked to stop contacting me and its for the best.
Kenneth says
Today I am letting go of someone I thought I knew, and who I thought knew me. I have been building a lot of hate and hostility lately, and I am letting go of all of it. No more revenge, no more anger, no more hate.
tiffany says
I am letting go of an abusive boyfriend of 10 years. I left him nearly a year ago and have met someone new who is lovely and is what a partner should be… but now my ex has been contacting me, telling me he as changed. I really did love him, except the jealousy, the constant name calling and belittling, etc. I have found myself wondering if he has changed, he wouldn’t change when we were together. I begged for the thinking to stop, so as of now I’m letting him go.
Sel says
I really really need to let go of the following..
1: My current relationship, it’s for the best.
2: Friends who have walked away.
3: Family members who don’t want to connect.
4: Some of my current friendships.
5: Self limiting beliefs.
6: Negative thoughts.
7: Illogical thoughts & fears.
8: The past and painful memories.
Tania says
I want to let go of my trust issues with my spouse. He has repeatedly cheated on me, blaming it on me because I haven’t finished college, don’t have a rewarding career, and haven’t lost the weight from having our two kids. I am letting go that this I am not to blame. I am letting go of him finding someone better then me. I have been his support system and his backbone for the past 10 years and have been promised the moon & stars only to get disappointed again and again.
simmonette ryan says
I know how you feel Tania, believe me you are not alone. The same things happened to me and therefore I just keep running but it’s time to stop. I can’t keep doing this anymore.
Marissa says
Today, I start the process of letting go of all the pain in my past. I let go of every lie told to me, every falsehood brought to me, every time I was deceived, trampled, demeaned and controlled. I let go of everyone else’s idea of who I should be, what I should do and how I should act. Today, I embrace, ME.
Blaine says
I have been in a committed relationship for 8 years, 6 of which have been married. We have 2 beautiful children. About 3 years ago, my wife left Alaska for a vacation, because she wasn’t happy there, and spent almost a month in Colorado. I spent 10 years up there, building positive professional and personal relationships with man people. I had my dream job that I could’ve worked at for the next 30 years and been happy with, however I realized my wife was happy down there, so I decided to move to the lower 48, so our relationship could improve and grow, and told her this while she was still there, which made her happy.
We move to the western slope of Colorado where the economy is horrible, there’s no work that I can be satisfied with, and I’m miserable, as my wife is acting like nothing is out of the ordinary. Now she wants to end our marriage, with not having any care to my need to have a real job that pays well so I can support our family. The last 2 months she has been cold and cruel, and it’s torn me apart.
I have to let her go, let all the feelings I’ve had for her go. I have to let the dream of raising a family with the woman I love go, in order to pick up the pieces that are left of me and rebuild anew. I made the mistake of trying to be what she wants instead of myself, and I have to let it all go. How does one wrap their head around this? I love my children deeply and want the best for them, and the only solution I have is to get out of the picture completely do I can rebuild my own life so I can be a great father. How do I just let to and move on after investing 1/4 of my life with someone? I’m trying to figure this out…
Ali says
What is my payoff when I keep looking at my ex’s fb knowing what I see will just upset me? I will stop, let go and move on. I don’t want to be with him…it was not a positive situation. ..too one sided. I’m better off to be alone than to be stressed.