Never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are.
Life changes, and so can you.
“I don’t know what to do.” “I’m in a rut.” “I feel stuck.” These are words Angel and I hear frequently from coaching clients and blog subscribers (subscribe here) alike. We all struggle with this kind of mindset sometimes, and if you’re struggling right now, it’s time to push through. There’s plenty you can do.
The truth is, you have the power to move forward no matter what obstacles block your path. You have the power to live up to your highest vision of how your life can be. You have the power to follow through and make significant progress on your biggest goals. You have all this power because you have the CHOICE. In each moment you can choose what you think, what you do, and who you want to be.
If you’re being pulled in every direction by forces beyond your control, take time to realign yourself with what you value most in life.
You don’t have to continue doing things the way you’ve always done them. You don’t have to be held a prisoner by your old, familiar habits and assumptions.
Today is a new day, filled with new possibilities, so remember…
- Feeling stuck is a FEELING, not a fact. – When we feel stuck, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame. In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond. Your life is your responsibility. While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it. And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change.
- Yesterday’s bad news is not worth reliving. – You can’t have a better today if you’re still thinking and worrying about yesterday. Whatever could have been or should have been, doesn’t matter. Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you have one foot on the brakes when you’re thinking about the past. In order to free yourself, you must learn how to let go of whatever old news is keeping you stuck. Release your regrets. Discard yesterday’s frustrations. Refuse to entertain old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto these things is holding you back from a new beginning. What is it you want to let go of today? Do it!
- Feeling stuck is a sign that it’s time to make a change. – It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habits. But the point in any case is that the way you are doing things is no longer working. Imagine yourself as a river, flowing into a great ocean. Oftentimes a river grows narrower and appears on the surface to lack movement just before it breaks through to the larger body of water. The same thing happens to us as we prepare for a breakthrough in life. Our flow must contract before it can expand. And the contraction is equally important to the expansion. (Read Buddha’s Brain.)
- What you need to do won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. – If you’ve been asking the same questions for a long time, yet you’re still stuck, it’s probably not that you haven’t been given the answers, but that you don’t like the answers you were given. Remember, it takes a great deal of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for making the change happen. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.
- An excuse is standing somewhere between you and the next step you need to take. – If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. This may be tough to accept, but it’s the truth. Stop making excuses for why you can’t get it done and start focusing on all the reasons why you must make it happen. The only person who can truly hold you back is you. So no more excuses – it’s time to change. It’s time to choose what’s best for YOU. Oftentimes when we feel stuck, we are waiting for something magical to happen. We wonder when the winds will change in our favor. We do this instead of embracing the present and admitting the change we need to make. What is keeping you from stepping forward? If not fear of failure, then what? Insecurity? Laziness? What is your excuse? We all have one. And when we focus on our excuses more than our steps forward, we walk in a circle and fall into the familiar pit we call “Stuck.”
- Other people’s opinions can only stop you if you let them. – If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, you’ve already forgotten your value. Don’t do this to yourself. Care too much about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. Your freedom lies not in the physical space around you, but in your mind. As long as you cling to other people’s definitions of your truth, your beauty, and your happiness, you will always be chained. Thoughts that begin with, “I have to…” or “I really should…” reveal where we feel most obligated to direct our energy. Redefine things for yourself. Write your own definitions. Finish your own sentences. Find your own way. And most importantly, listen to your intuition. It already knows what you truly need. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Authenticity is liberating. – By allowing yourself to be yourself, you allow others to be themselves around you too. This creates an honest, liberating environment in which to live. In a society where people love to point fingers and poke fun, you can only fight social judgment with naked honesty. When you speak up about your challenges and open yourself up to receiving care and support, you allow others to do the same. The truth is, we’re all in this together, undergoing the same learning process and internal struggles. We’re all equally perfect in our imperfections. There’s no reason to hide behind lies.
- Real growth happens from the inside out. – If the conditions are right, it’s easy to grow horizontally by acquiring more money, newer cars, bigger homes, etc. Vertical growth, on the other hand, is when you stay in the same place with the same things, but grow deeper and deeper into yourself. It’s when you can say, “Five years ago I would lose my temper in a few seconds, but now it takes all week.” This kind of growth is more rare, but it’s the only true growth there is. Sadly, many of us feel stuck, and we age much faster than we grow, because we focus exclusively on horizontal achievements. We spend so much of our lives going through the external motions of what society tells us ‘maturity’ is – getting married, buying houses, working our way up the corporate ladder, etc. – that we fail to concentrate on our own inner growth and goals. We never allocate enough time just for us.
- Life is a journey, not a destination. – Detach from the results of your efforts. A lot of internal change comes about from letting go of ingrained social fears, superstitions, and doubts about what is “normal.” By letting go of what “should” happen or what “could” happen, you free up your life to various little surprises and joys. You may not lead the exact life you want, but you will lead a meaningful, miraculous existence, guaranteed. Life is sometimes difficult, but it’s not a chore. Make it an adventure. Make it fun. Make the choice to feel good about yourself, about your world, about your possibilities and the step you’re taking right now. (Read The Untethered Soul.)
- You’re way stronger and a lot less stuck than you think. – Take heart, and remember that the biggest breakthroughs often come after a long period of being stuck. Which is why feeling stuck for a while is necessary. Embrace this. When things seem to be at their worst is the ideal time for you to be at your best. If you can’t take a big step forward, take a little one. Tip-toe if you must. Just keep reminding yourself that you are strong enough to take the next tiniest step, and that this step is the only step that matters right now.
Your turn…
What would you add to the list?
What do you try to keep in mind to motivate yourself when you’re feeling stuck?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the community.
This article was co-written by Marc and Angel, Whitney Anthony and Aekta Kapoor, and inspired by Whitney’s and Aekta’s insightful work which can be found here and here.
Photo by: Zuhair Al-Traifi
Kristen says
Hey Marc (and Angel too). I just want to say that what you write about is really helping me through a tough year. Since January I’ve been suffering from mild to moderate depression based on the simultaneous and surprising loss of a job and a close, long-term relationship. Your words really give me direction and make me realize that there is more to life than to being upset and stuck in my past problems. For me, it really all about positive reminders, which is why I have read and re-read your parts of book and many of your articles several times over the past year. Doing so has helped me stay on the right path. Thank you.
Darryl Logan says
Your first five points here really speak to me! Much needed. I’m currently going through a time in my life where nothing seems to work in my favor. I feel stuck and the vast divide between where I am and where I know I want to be is killing me, but posts like this give me strength and hope.
Helping of Hope says
#3!!! YES!! That’s such a common thing to miss when you’re stuck in a rut – that it’s a signal that something needs to change!
Susan says
I had been neglecting my happiness in more ways than I can count, but I’m making progress now. Thank you for this. Like Kristen, every few days I am sure to read one of your posts or a few pages of your book. They really give me the extra strength to move forward and fight for my honest existence. Little by little I am gaining more courage to forget my dark past and overcome my fears. Your posts are like bullets of positivity hitting me from deep within, and through them I’ve found many of the answers I’ve been searching for.
To answer your question: I try to keep anything positive and true at the top of my mind. Every single morning, before I do anything else, I think about one thing that happened the day before that I am grateful for and I write it down and one or two sentences describing why I am grateful. It helps.
Katie says
These are great tips to stop feeling stuck. Whether at work, school, or home, we must remember to grow from our experiences. Thank you for these encouraging elements!
Justin Host of Extreme Health Radio says
I haven’t read Buddha’s Brain yet but I’m wondering about point #3 where you said the contraction is equally important as the expansion. I agree. When we become different people than what we were yesterday by our habits and actions, expansion becomes necessary. 🙂
Debie Grace says
Thank you for these reminders. I will carry them with me on my journey. 🙂
Cheryl says
Hi Marc and Angel,
Great tips on getting “un-stuck”. I would add, when you feel stuck in a certain area, find someone to meet with/talk to who is finding success in that area. As the old quote goes “you are who you are around”. Being with someone who is thriving will help pull you up, and then you can be that person who encourages someone else!
DJ says
What a great message and it was exactly what I needed to read this morning to start the day — so thank you! And the most important take-away for me was that the only thing holding me back are my excuses and the only person holding me back is me.
Chuck says
What a breath of fresh air reading this blog post. Too many times I feel so alone with my feelings of being ‘stuck’ and just not being able to move forward fast enough. As much as I try not to dwell on what has happened and all the why’s that surround it (job loss), sometimes I just can’t seem to break free and get that foot out of the mud, it’s stuck. I am a positive person by nature and surprised at myself for not breaking free. I am working on this everyday to bring back that confidence I’ve always had. The biggest obstacle for being stuck is the fact that I seem to have lost my confidence along the way and I need to get that back. You’ve really opened up my eyes on how to work on this situation — thank you.
Just curious though how some of your readers choose the best path. So many times I am presented with too many choices of paths to travel down, from my own thoughts and ideas from friends/family, I get stuck making a choice. I don’t want to travel a path that is going to be a waste of time in the end. Time is valuable so making a good choice seems to be keeping me stuck for my career move.
Melissa Wilson says
I really like the first two points. Feeling stuck is just a feeling, isn’t it? As you say, “While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it. And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change.” We have more control over our feelings that we usually realize.
And we certainly can’t get unstuck if we’re worrying about the past. We have to take our lessons from it and then leave it be.
Another great list!
Jacques says
This is funny. I spent half of the night thinking over the past year and the need to move on. I lost my job in January, I should even say, a “big job”. The interesting aspect is that I was not happy in this job and in some ways I should have felt relieved. Nevertheless, for the past 9 months, I felt like a fish out of the bowl, wanting to jump back in, without results. Lat night, before I read this blog, I started to see things differently. Instead of “killing” any idea coming to mind, I started to say to myself: “why not?”. I have been “pushing” to go back to my previous life. Now I feel more like “let’s try this”.
To answer directly to the question, I would answer by saying that it’s time to go with the flow and let the river of life take me where I will go.
The question I will ask myself in front of unforeseen future moments will be: “why not?”
Jacques says
@Chuck: I don’t know, like you, which path will be the best. I believe, however, it will reveal itself in due time. The sign I have always noted is that it comes from the guts. Should I say the heart?
Joy says
Just what I needed to hear right now!! I’m in a stuck place right now and reading this just affirms that I am okay. Being stuck is going to project me to another level in it’s own time. Can’t wait for the outcome!!
Cathy says
Some great points about leaving the past. Just lost a new job due to favors being repaid and in-house power struggles. It hurts a lot. Being pressured to perform beyond my abilities has given me so much confidence to pursue avenues I never thought were possible. Learning from and understanding our past is so vital to moving on and becoming unstuck. Thanks for the mind opening narrative and positive reinforcement.
Melissa says
I am new to your website and for the past week I have made it a point to read one of your posts a day. I write down the statements that jump out at me and carry it with me all day so I can re-read it for times when I “feel stuck.”
I have been stuck for a year now and I am slowly starting to get un-stuck. It is a process and reading these positive statements seem to be helping. Thank you!
Donna says
Your insights have helped lift me this morning. I have had that feeling all year and don’t feel positive about how I have lived my life over these last 3 years at least..with critical illnesses, aging parents, new grandchild and a marriage stuck in a rut (although full of love). I am the one holding myself back and I have to be more positive about my own self worth and not be insecure about what others are thinking, i.e., family members. Thank you so much for this.
Carol says
Sometimes being “stuck” is just where you have to be at the moment. You need to accept the situation you are in and have the patience to see all the steps you need to take to get you to a better place. Surrender to the “flow” and realize that everything that is happening to you is just part of the path you must take. Remember that everything is only temporary; and that…. “this too shall pass”. This can free your mind from the trap of ” it will always be this way”. Things will move forward when you decide you want and need to do so. Letting go of the situation and turning to a “Higher Power” to show you the way is always helpful for me. Also, don’t punish yourself if you are not ready yet. Open yourself up to the positives in your life(we all have them); and be grateful for them. Then take a small step forward, and another, and another, until you start getting some traction to go full steam ahead. Also, it is very important to pat yourself on the back for every step forward and try not to beat yourself up for any back sliding.
Thank you so much for all your help Marc and Angel.
opara says
Marc and Angel, I love this post and all the wisdom you share. Thank you.
Rob says
I am in awe after reading this. I recently came out. Was married to a woman for 20 yrs. I am grateful because of my son who stopped talking to me five months ago and although that hurts me terribly I am finally happy. I am in love with my boyfriend. It’s been a very tough year and each day is getting bit better. I really love your article as I can relate to all items.
Sobia says
Whenever life seems gloomy count on your blessings rather than cursing the hard times and shortcomings. This attitude will surely make a difference.
Hanna says
Love this!
I’m feeling stuck but at the same time it feels like things could unstuck 😉 any time. I don’t know that, but I do hope so.
Me and my husband have been working with our projects för 5 years now and I’m working a lot on my inside as well. Sometimes it feels like it’s my low self esteem that hinders me but maybe my self esteem grows parallell with our projects so that when it’s time to get unstuck everything is in place :).
We’ll see.
Thank you for your great words!
Hanna
Belqui says
I love all your stuff, I always post these for my clients. You guys are simply the best!
3girls1apple says
Awesome post!!! I’m gonna print it and read whenever I feel stuck. Thanks!
Sebastian Aiden Daniels says
The thing I try to keep in mind when feeling stuck is something many of these tackled which is that everything is temporary. The pain or sadness or w.e it is I feel will not last forever. I know that I can get through it. I also know that I am the one who has to change I can’t expect others to change or try to get them to change. As you say it is all about leading from the inside out.
I agree that authenticity is liberating. It can be freeing to just accept who you are and where you have been. It can help you get unstuck in most situations if you embrace yourself in the moment.
Abdallah salum massoud says
Great post. Yes, the key for me is not hiding form new life experiences… taking risks and putting myself out there. It’s not comfortable but it helps move me forward.
Iva Ursano says
Great post! When I get stuck I remind myself that the world needs me and my talents and my uniqueness. There is only one me and it does me no good whatsoever to hide in my *stuckness*. My purpose is to serve, spread love and happiness. I think once we figure out what our purpose is, then it’s easy to become unstuck. 🙂
Ruby says
Thank you. Always enlightening, always inspiring.
Arijit says
Hey Marc,
I believe ‘feeling stuck’ is a feeling that we need to pay attention to. It’s a signal that we might need to change direction (No. 3) or we need to examine our emotions. When I think back at all the times in the past that I felt stuck, it was either because of a lack of information – I didn’t know what to do, or because I was holding on to incorrect assumptions.
Roberto Dinoá says
Dear Marc and Angel.
You guys are amazing! I’m reading your book, and feeling better than ever. Thank you so much.
Love you guys.
Isaac says
Great post, another illustration of how important it is to see “problems” as an opportunity for solution. If we looked at everything in that way, not only would we be more successful, but we’d feel a heck of a lot more fulfilled as well. The people who look at life in this way are the happiest, and the most successful.
Shiera says
Hi marc and angel, Thank you for this! 🙂
Captain Kirk says
Marc and Angel…
8. Real growth happens from the inside out.
This reality resonates with me. For most of my young life, I was insecure, lonely and afraid…but SAFE inside my shell! Most people would describe this personality type as an introvert.
Later in life, I deliberately and vigilantly found the COURAGE to escape my “prison”…….and today…I am enjoying the song and the dance…..outgoing, expressive, free-spirited, relaxed, more friendly, and waiting for my next experience to LOL…..Laugh Out Loud…and Live Out Loud! This extrovert personality is liberating and fueling my desire to enjoy the journey.
In summary…
I did not crack the shell….I SHATTERED the shell, and found my true identity…and purpose.
My advice to your audience is this:
The time has come to…
“Kick the Tires…….and Light the Fires!”
Marc Chernoff says
@Kristen: We’re happy to help. So glad you resonate with what we share. 🙂
@Chuck: When you have two seemingly perfect options, always go with the one that scares you the most, because that’s the one that’s going to help you grow. I live by this and have never regretted a decision.
@Jacques: “Why not” is right! Cheers!
@Melissa: Welcome to the community. We look forward to hearing more from you.
@Rob: In a world where you can be anything you want, BE YOURSELF. That’s where you’ll be the happiest and most successful. Congratulations!
@All: Isaac about summed it up perfectly. Remember, feeling stuck is a feeling, not a fact. Choose to think differently and start making progress, one tiny step at a time.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us. We love hearing from you all.
Ruby says
Thank you, I will remember this today!
Raelene says
SWEET!
Sonia says
Hi Marc and Angel!
I am a first time visitor to your site and love this article! I have bookmarked it and shared with others.
Although I am way past being ‘stuck’ I often talk to people who are and cannot always find the right words to help them move forward.
I will share this post with those people as it is inspiring in so many ways.
Thank you 🙂
Andrea says
Good morning,
I can’t begin to tell you how your blog and book has helped me. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve had to make some “major” decisions that wasn’t easy to do but very necessary in order to move forward on my journey and to find peace within…through the grace of God, Marc & Angel, supportive friends & family, and tapping into my inner strength… it has been very liberating. Never give up on YOU…
Elizabeth says
I love that “we are all equally perfect in our imperfections”. Such a great quote and so real. Thank you.
Ophelie says
Love love this article – it covers it all! Feeling stuck is a sign that it’s time to make a change. How many times I’ve heard the we can not have it all… it is normal to be stuck… life can not perfect, we have to accept that sometimes things are not going our way.
I am going to print that article… yes and what a great invitation to step into our responsibilities, we don’t create everything that happens in our life, but there is always a positive way forward by facing it, understanding it, and letting go… Thanks!
Lebo says
You guys are amazing. Keep up the good job.
Irene says
This article is so deep and helpful. Thanks you so much for sharing it and putting out there. I am going through a really hard time and want to change so bad. No excuses anymore
Mel says
I think it’s important to realize that everyone feels stuck, at some time. It’s okay to feel stuck. I appreciate that you said that in your first paragraph. It’s okay to feel, even if you feel stuck. Great article!
Vinod arora says
These steps are worth following. Lot of our problems can be solved if we discuss these things with one another.
Chelly says
Thank-You. You reminded me that I am strong enough to do this, and the only person blocking my path is me. I’ve written a list of things I WILL do tomorrow and they’re easy enough if I stay determined.
I find when one thing goes wrong, everything else seems to crumple around me too and then I can’t do anything. My daily migraines are improving but I find it harder to cope with them than ever! But I know I can do it. It’s not over ’til it’s over. I don’t know if I’m saying that to you or myself haha!
Britt says
This is amazing!! You just made my night. “life is a journey, not a destination”
Thanks for writing!
Myriah says
Thank you, for writing this its just want I needed to hear, it’s opened my eye in so many ways it’s time for me to make a change and find my inner self and live a fun and happy life and don’t be scared to let go, I’m going to take a step even if it has to be small right now I’ll be a step closer to where I need to be! Thank you so much I’m going to keep reading this as long as I need it to keep me going.
Claire says
Thanks for giving me a push in the right direction with your inspiring article.
I feel stuck because I compare myself to how others choose their lives. I regret decisions I’ve made in the past because I think if I’d done things differently I would be happier now. Your article reminded me that neither of these ways of thinking is going to help me, teach me anything useful or get me out of my rut.
What will work though is going after what I want now. I have recently become a strong swimmer. A year ago a swam 2 lengths and needed to rest, now I swim 2km and I’m still fresh and energetic. I got here by swimming 1 length at a time. Lots of those lengths have been hard but the more I do the easier it gets.
I think there are good parallels here with getting out of rut and moving on from being stuck. Put the excuses to one side and do it 1 step or length at a time.
Thank you for your blog
John says
I know that dealing with disappointment is just a part of life and yet I still feel like the universe is singling me out to punish me. This was really good to read ‘Whatever could have been or should have been, doesn’t matter’ that part really speaks to me 🙂
Lesia says
Thank you for reminding me to be free to be who I am and not be making up excuses to be what everyone else wants because of being hard on myself and insecurity.
And thank you for everyone who has commented. I don’t feel so alone.