“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
— Albert Einstein
“This morning, nearly five years after my husband’s passing, a beautiful couple and their three kids knocked on my front door. The man smiled and said, “Your husband was my heart donor. He saved my life. Not a single day has gone by that I don’t pray for him and think of you. Thank you!”
This is the opening paragraph right out of an email I received today from a reader named, Colleen. She goes on to admit that she couldn’t see any positive sides of her husband’s death, until she was staring at them on her door step. “It doesn’t necessarily make things easier, but it certainly changed the way I think. I feel like a small piece of my broken heart has healed.”
And the truth is, it happens just like that. Although Colleen’s experience is unique, and somewhat extreme, at some point life slaps all of us with a good reminder that shifts our perspective. Personally, I have been slapped with several of these reminders over the years. And today, I want to pass a few of them along to you…
- Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it’s hard to see right now. – Circumstances will direct you, correct you, and perfect you over time. Sometimes these circumstances knock you down, hard. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best. Because our most significant opportunities are often found in times of great difficulty. Thus, you will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.
- The way you feel about people and situations will shift, and that’s OK. – Things will seem totally different to you at some point in the future, just as you feel different now than you did in the past. So remember, just because you liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean you’ll always like it, or that you have to go on liking it at all points in the future as an act of loyalty to who you are as a person, based solely on who you once were as a person. To be loyal to yourself is to allow yourself to grow and change, and challenge who you once were and what you once thought. The only thing you ever have to be for sure is unsure, and this means you’re growing, and not stagnant or shrinking. (Read The Untethered Soul.)
- There will always be more tough changes to make. – Growth is painful. Change is painful. But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you do not belong. Again, you’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. You’re always growing. Experiences don’t stop. That’s life. It takes a great deal of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for making the change happen. But doing so is worth every bit of effort you can muster.
- Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. – It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.
- The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. – The mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never did happen. But if you allow these thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into a nervous breakdown, into depression, and into defeat. You are what you think. You can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking. A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. When you wake up, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. Breathe onto the bathroom mirror, just to see how amazing your breath looks. The moment you start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you it will start to feel like one. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Happiness” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- You were born with the ability to change someone’s life. – Don’t ever waste it. Be kind. Be present. Be someone who makes a difference. In a gentle way, you can shake the world. Truth be told, the purpose of life is not just to be happy in your own little bubble; it is to be helpful, to be honorable, to be compassionate and kind, to have your life make some kind of difference that you have lived and lived well. Go ahead; leave the world a little better than you found it.
- You can best serve yourself and others by giving yourself what YOU need. – That’s right, your needs matter more than you can imagine. Don’t ignore them. Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s best for you and your life, not just what seems best on the surface for everyone else. Decide this very minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” Because the truth is, when we practice self-love and self-respect, we give ourselves the opportunity to be happy. And when we are happy, we become better friends, better family members, and better lovers. (Read Loving What Is.)
- Everyone you meet serves a purpose in your life. – We meet no ordinary people in our lives. If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer. They may not be what you expected or wanted, but their presence is important. Some people will test you, some will teach you, and some will bring out the very best in you. So be thankful for everyone in your life. Yes EVERYONE! It’ll be hard sometimes, but do your best to be grateful for the rude, difficult people too. They serve as great reminders of how NOT to be.
- You are not alone in feeling weird and alone. – I used to think I was the strangest person in the world, but then I thought about how there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels weird and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine him or her, and imagine that he or she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and reading this, you now know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you. I often feel and think and struggle much like you do. I care about many of the things you care about, just in my own way. And although some people do not understand us, we understand each other. YOU are not weird and alone!
Afterthoughts
I hope you will have a wonderful day today, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.
The floor is yours…
What else would you add to the list? What’s one good reminder you try to keep in mind to keep yourself on track? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
Susan says
Your posts are so inspiring and uplifting. Thank you so much for the encouraging words and reminders that we all need in order to face some of our difficult situations whether those are our own negative thoughts holding us back about our self-worth or what others have done to hurt us. Your words always make me want to get up wipe the dust from my pants and move forward. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! (Also bought your eBook today and I can already see that it’s going to be a great source of positive reminders and affirmations for me.)
Sandra Pawula says
I always try to remember that everything is impermanent and changing. Therefore, it’s somewhat insane to take it too seriously. Though, at the same time, we have a responsibility to act with integrity.
jason says
Well timed post as i battle my negative defeatist thoughts tonight…Keeping focused is the hardest part..training your brain to move in the right direction when the negative thoughts run rampant Thats my personal challenge..i know the positive but the negative is an easy fall and keeping the mental on task all the time wears you down.
Having a support system is important…mine is very lacking so there is my work area. Thank you for your posts. I enjoy them.
Monica says
Your words and coaching has helped me muster up strength and courage to move forward during my most challenging year so far. This past year I broke away from a very toxic relationship was diagnosed with breast cancer and lost my job and my apartment.
At times, I wanted to give up and give in. I was mentally and physically exhausted. It wasn’t until I truly let go and decided that I would not be a victim of my own negativity.
Something shifted with me and I realized that it was far less exhausting to live in the positive and let go of the outcome. I continued to have struggles but with a great outlook.
Today I’m involved in a healthy and fulfilling relationship, in remission after 2 lumpectomies and radiation, have my own apartment and have returned back to school after 25 years…studying for my dream profession!
Annette says
Great article.
Gabe Niles says
Such great advice – thank you for sharing. When I’m down and having a bad day, I like to take the time to remind myself of the little things in my life I have to be thankful for, as a way to shift my perspective. They don’t have to be big things, but it always helps for the positivity to flow!
Jolanda says
You guys are so inspiring always looking forward to the next great advice from your blog.
I have come to the realization that your mind is a very powerful tool and that once you can convince your mind to do something that your body will follow. What it comes down to is that you can do and change anything if you put your mind to it and you need a positive outlook to do it, thank you for your always welcomed pearls of wisdom, hope you have a great and blessed day.
Holly says
These are great points. I was so reminded of this in a humorous way the other day. Our weather, like much of the country, sucks right now and while I was out walking my dogs I was whining and complaining (internally) about it. Now wasn’t that helpful? I can’t change the weather and all it did was upset me. A moment that reminded me where my mind can take me if I let it. And then a moment later I came across another dog walker who was muttering to herself about the nasty weather. Ah yes, we are not alone.
Roberta Nolan says
Thank you so much your article today. It helped me stay on track to love and respect myself. It seems some people in my life, especially close family, seem to try and knock my self-confidence and knowledge down to almost nothing to point where I’m shutting down. I don’t have much to say in public anymore for fear I’ll say something stupid… I used to be a very outgoing person very confident and now I feel I can’t even speak to anyone, but reading your advice helps me very much. I’m getting stronger again.Thank you.
Kim says
Wow, great post. I’ve always thought that there are two different types of mental illness, some people have a chemical imbalance and genetic disposition that causes it, but some people think themselves into crazy because they never question their negative thoughts or challenge them.
Pam says
@Jason – I can relate to your reply! I have mantras that I say to get my thoughts focused. It’s daily work. I hope the tide changes because I’m not yet making the progress or having the clarity I seek.
And Marc, I can relate to your comment about feeling different in the world. I don’t feel like I “swim with the masses”.
I’m now single and would like to meet someone to share these ideas…
Rose Costas says
Thanks Marc for those kind words. It always amazes me when I feel sad, down or not truly happy with the way things are going that indeed there are others out there who feel the same way. It makes life so much less lonely and scary.
I truly love the part of the post where you mentioned that all things happen for a reason even when it is hard to see at the time. I have been through some things recently and even though its being a while now I am still waiting to see why they happen.
I am encouraged and motivated y your stories and encouraged to be much stronger and more grateful.
Thanks for such wonderful and inspirational messages.
Eileen says
I wanted to say how much I find your articles valuable. I am trying to move forward each day in some positive way. Lost my soul mate 4 years ago after a very wonderful, long term marriage and I’m finally feeling the ground beneath my feet
I can relate strongly to your articles. I’ve been doing a lot on my own. Feels good to see some of my struggles and empowerment written by another. It gets tiring to keep pushing alone
Lorelle says
Thank you for this. I loved this post and yes there is another weird one over here on the other side of the world in Australia!!
I know someone who will really benefit from this, so thank you for allowing me to pay it forward.
Have an amazing day and peace be with you.
Lorelle
Preet K Lawrel says
Marc and Angel, it by shear coincidence that i came across this website. But after going through, i felt that every sentence that i read here was meant for me personally! Thank you so much for helping me see the silver lining.
Dipen says
Thank you for your words…I can relate to a lot of this. I was struggling to be optimistic about life, but after reading this, I have leveraged myself. Now I am feeling positive. Thank you so much.
Barbara says
Sometimes the only thing we can change is How we “look” at the situation, person or event. Thank you for good reminders.
Carmen says
This is awesome! Thanks for the reminder. 🙂
Chrissy says
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts…
Love this – I am an over thinker. I over think almost everything. People keep telling me that I just put too much thought into everything. It’s just so hard for me not to. I am working on it, because it is true that your happiness depends on it and you can really think yourself into a negative state of mind.
Thank you for this wonderful inspiring and uplifting post.
Chrissy
Laina Turner says
Your post rings true on so many levels.
Joan says
Thank you for this. I was ready to give up on my life this morning and reading this post has made me feel so much better.
Sue says
I am so happy that I found one of your articles on facebook, Marc and Angel! Now, every single article I read rings so true! I experience so many “aha moments” as I read them. Thanks for sharing your inspiring, crystal clear insights that help me to navigate life and understand people (including myself) with a much better, and more positive, perspective. You two are awesome!
Andrea says
I was reading the comments, and I realize that there are other people that have even bigger struggles than me, and even if I know that I still complain about my problems and my situations. This post is a good reminder for all of us that if we think positive we’ll have positive things. It’s difficult to see but it’s true. I try to be thankful for what I have everyday and Not complaining for what I don’t have or what others have that I don’t. Complaining about this won’t make me have it.
Frank says
Thank you for your blogs. They have been inspiring and kept me from giving up. I am still working on being happy. God has given me many gifts that I often forget that I have. You help me remember these gifts. It is so nice to know that I am not alone it gives me hope. I am so glad that I was referred to you site. You have helped to rescue me from an abyss.
Bello Ahmed says
A good reminder I hold dearly is GIVING, alot of things we take for granted are life lines to others ..
Vivian says
I often find that giving back to people can be a way to overcome negativity. For me, it’s sharing what I love through writing. Thank you for this inspiring post!
Betsy says
Thank you again. At first I was amazed that each post spoke to me, thinking only me. How wrong was that? Your posts speak to so many. It’s really all good common sense. We are all alike, have the same issues and different issues, but we are all alike.
I also think this is why your posts speak to so many people, for that very reason, and for the gift that you have to make us see this. So happy to be a part of this.
Love yourself, respect yourself, see yourself as you.
Upasana says
Hi Marc and Angel – I must say how valuable your articles are to me. I always feel so uplifted when I receive your emails. Please keep up all the good work that you do. 🙂
Nkosikhona says
Thanks Marc and Angel, your articles are a blessing to me. Every day when I read them I feel positive, think positive and I act positive. Your guidance plays a big role in my life.
Guus says
I don’t always like your site and your posts, but today I ended up here and it was good. Thank you.
Rawhitisue says
Thank you, thank you, thank you, love reading your wise words. Making me feel better each time I read them. Getting me through the lows of everyday life conflicts. Have passed on your website to others with lots of positive feedback. So true.. I am not alone. God bless you.
Ruby says
Thank you! These are great reminders! Looking forward to your next post!
Ares says
I must say that this post speaks volumes to my soul!!
Cj says
Great post and very timely as I am battling negative thoughts currently and this has helped my direct my thoughts in a more positive direction. I really needed this today.
KW Stout says
This is really a great list.
I have a concept I’d like to add:
Other people only have as much power over you as you give them.
I learned this in multiple ways. I used to want everyone to like me and that would lead to me bending over backwards to please people who really didn’t care about me. Then I would let the actions or opinions of others really bother me, I took things too personal.
Eventually I learned to detach from all that, because I realized that they had no power over me – unless I allowed it. Don’t give negative people any power over your life!
Jackie Seidel says
Thank you for this post! Currently dealing with my son having attempted suicide along with being an alcoholic. I’ve lost caring for myself during this time so consumed for him to get better! Your post has shown me a lot and I thank you!
Coco says
Great article. The one thing I always try to do is read the eyes of the people I meet because their eyes always reveal a lot; and more often than not, I try to share a smile. You just never know how you can brighten someone else’s day and the awesome feeling when they return it.
Gabe says
You guys rock!
Captain Kirk says
Marc and Angel…
I always enjoy processing and reflecting upon your words of wisdom and insight.
Also, as I read the comments from the members of our community, it is clear that you are stimulating many minds and comforting many hearts.
6. You were born with the ability to change someone’s life.
If we allow our heavenly Father to shape our hearts and develop life-enriching qualities like unselfish love, sincere compassion, inner peace, modesty, humility, patience, and a quiet confidence, we can serve as a champion for others.
Life is truly satisfying when we can serve, support, encourage, and enhance the quality of life for others, our family, our friends, and those that simply yearn for love, attention, and validation.
7. You can best serve yourself and others by giving yourself what YOU need.
As we serve as champions and life-preservers for others, it is essential that we refill OUR OWN oxygen tanks, and confidently and vigilantly champion OURSELVES. There definitely is a balance in life – that makes us available for others – while keeping ourselves grounded.
Everyone has value and purpose and we share a common journey of self-discovery.
Dipesh Patel says
Thanks a lot for this article and constantly motivating us. Everything around us is the result of what we think. So don’t let your mind think about negative thoughts and keep motivating yourself.
Marc Chernoff says
I’m truly happy that so many of you resonated with this post. Thank you for continuing to inspire Angel and me with your positive, heartfelt remarks.
Have a wonderful week, everyone! 🙂
Ejiro says
#1, 5 and 7 where just for me for today. Thank you and keep up the good work.
Katherine says
“You cannot drive someone to the hospital on an empty tank.” – one needs to take care of theirselves and recognize and satisfy their own needs at least as much as for others.
Cathy Colangelo says
Love this! I truly believe that our “thoughts become things”. There are things in life we cannot control but our thoughts we do have control over. It’s very easy to forget that. We can’t let one bad thought spiral our day/life out of control. “Thoughts become things, choose the good ones.”
Shawn says
Great post Marc! #2 and #9 really resonated with me. Too often, we believe that we are the only ones who experience the many challenges of life. It’s so important that we embrace and accept those fears, not beat ourselves up about it.
Conquer The Edge says
I love #1! After something unfortunate, when I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I always think that hindsight is 20/20. Now when difficult circumstances arise I have been trying to think of good things that could possibly come about. Thanks for sharing!
honey says
I have come to realize that if we really look deeper, we’ll come to the realization that there is no single person in this world that doesn’t feel sad, dejected, depressed and frustrated. But the ability to handle, control and tame our mind into a positive thinking galaxy is what defines the strong and the capable. Thanks so much for this post.
Siren says
I just want to say thank you for being there, posting positive thoughts into my life at intervals. To me it is a bit like breathing, reading your blog posts, I need it.
Lynne says
Thanks for reminding. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. We may sometimes not understand but as they say every cloud has a silver lining. Life has a way of turning for the better. Thanks for sharing.
JT says
Wonderful post!! What really got me was the comments left by others. I’m not the only one 🙂 I’m not weird and alone with these thoughts and feelings. I needed to read this. Thank you.