Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,
none but ourselves can free our minds!
?Bob Marley
Since we were born, our minds have been gradually programmed by our surroundings and by society at large. As we grow, evolve and awaken to this reality, we learn that it is in our best interests to uninstall some of this programming and take back control of our minds.
What are we taking control back from, specifically? Well, in part, the immense amount of cultural, societal and institutional brainwashing that has greatly influenced who we are and how we view ourselves and our abilities.
For example, despite what you may have heard… You don’t need to be a person who requires everyone to approve of them. Your relationships don’t need to model modern day sitcoms. Your daily energy doesn’t need to be directed by mindless drama, which is often stirred just to distract you from your deeper purpose and passions.
You can clear yourself of this corrupt thinking and reclaim your sanity and effectiveness.
But it’s hard, because distractions are everywhere, pulling at us and creating needless points of focus meant to disempower us. They drive us into compulsive consumerism and egotism, rather than meaningful connections and emotional freedom.
So today, it’s time to flip the switch. It’s time to free your mind and take back control of your life. Here are eight smart ways to start doing just that:
- Be selective about the media you consume. – Marketers all across the world are tracking your patterns, buying your personal information and studying your online and offline habits in order to funnel you into purchasing products from the companies that hire them. If you are inclined to cave, and make impulsive, unhealthy purchases – like greasy fast food – they are aware of this, even to the exact percentage of likelihood that you will make this impulse buy. They push ads upon you until your willpower gets weak. This is just one form of mind control being practiced publicly every day. It’s manipulative and it was created to be. You have to take back control from these mega-corporations by making strong-willed, healthy decisions that support YOUR best interests. Buy things that benefit you and those you love, not things that benefit big companies that don’t care about you.
- Prioritize YOUR desires ahead of external and internal resistance. – You’re the one that’s got to die when it’s time for you to die, so let yourself live life the way you want to live it. Seriously, life is too short to waste profuse amounts of time wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What should be important to you is not their opinions of you, but your opinion of yourself. So don’t let others get in your way! And don’t let your fears get in your way either; they’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it. If a particular pursuit makes you feel alive, stand strong and step forward, no matter what. (Read The Happiness of Pursuit.)
- Stop wishing for it and start working for it. – Do what you have to do today so you can do what you want to do tomorrow. Through the grapevine you may have heard that what you should want is “an easy life.” But that’s not true; what you really want is a life you are proud to have lived, and that takes work. Because the only way that we can truly live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we are willing to put ourselves out there and work through life’s difficulties. Do it! It’s worth it!
- Create healthy daily rituals. – The person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be every single day. Because how you spend your days is how you spend your life. In a nutshell, when it comes to working hard to achieve a substantial life goal of any kind – earning a degree, building a business, fostering a relationship, raising a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal achievement that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?” Think about it. We ultimately become what we repeatedly work hard at. And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different? That’s the power of daily rituals. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Flip your perspective from negative to positive. – We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. You’ve heard this before. Don’t let negativity influence you. When others are being negative, ignore them. Keep in mind that how others see things is rarely the truth. There are no facts, only interpretations, and it is our interpretations that make us or break us. If you look at things the right way, you can see that the whole world is a beautiful garden. It’s your job to tend to it, and to see and appreciate the roses. Because in the end, the quality of your vision drives the quality of your living. Train your mind to see the beauty in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the effectiveness of your perspective.
- Stop looking for and expecting “perfect.” – You are flawed, so is everyone you know, and that’s just as it should be. Seriously, have no fear of perfection; you will never reach it. And don’t expect that others will achieve it either. We’re all imperfect beings filled with flaws and imperfections, therefore we shouldn’t wish to highlight the weaknesses of others at the expense of denying our own. In the end, you will come to realize that perfection, especially in relationships, is only ever found in the beauty and honest appreciation of imperfection. (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)
- Give yourself a break. – Yes, you have battles out in the world to fight, insecurities to overcome, loved ones to contend with and goals to achieve, but a break from it all is necessary. It’s perfectly healthy to pause and let the world spin without you for a while. If you don’t, you will burn yourself out. So refill your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching up on sleep, making time for laughter and fun, eating healthy enough to maintain solid energy levels, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
- Loosen your grip on the past. – Sometimes we have to let go of what’s killing us, even if it’s killing us to let go. Letting go means to come to the realization that some circumstances and relationships are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny. Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move forward. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness. And remember, sometimes the hardest part isn’t the act of letting go but rather learning to start over. This is normal. This is a new day. A new beginning. And things will change for the better.
Afterthoughts
The Dalai Lama once said, “A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for responsible living and acting. If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto outdated goals and behaviors.”
Today, make it a point to defragment your consciousness and center your spirit on positive, productive thoughts and habits. Tune out the drama around you and tune in to your own intuition. Free your mind. Smile and be grateful. Life is too short to waste on negativity and those who create it.
Your turn…
What clutters your mind and holds you back? What ideas, people and circumstances do you need to free yourself from in order to move forward? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Sean Morin says
The underlying message here is something all people need in their lives.
I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now, and I’ve purchased your book for reference as well. I have learned and practiced to follow my heart and not care to be exactly what other people expect. This has made my life great and taken away all the self-doubt that once stifled me.
What is currently holding me back as a new entrepreneur is fear of not getting things right the first time. I realize now that this goes back to expectations. Something I need to work on more I suppose.
Again you guys have given me soul food and I’m most grateful.
Lesley says
I’m with Sean on this one. Definitely the one thing holding me back is fear. To be happy and content, I need to make a decision which will totally change my life – to stop giving in to empty fears that are seeded by what others have said over the years. Keeping the this fear alive is only keeping me stuck in a very negative situation.
Lei Lani says
Wow! Great post! For a short time there, it seemed like some of your posts were a bit repetitive, but this one is back on the track I have come to appreciate from you both. I need to keep working on helping the people I view as a negative influence on my life, instead of just ignoring them. I own my choice of being positive, and my choice each day to ‘rise and shine’, but it has been too easy to disregard one of my friends who sees the world through blackened lenses. I want to help her, just not at the expense of my inner happy. Still looking for that path. Thanks for the list today. Your words are resonating once again.
Gabe says
Excellent bits of advice. It is so true that if we don’t re-center our minds on a regular basis, the noise of the world can easily consume us.
Right now I’m struggling to find that balance between #3 and #7. I’m a hard worker and I often forget to give myself a break when I need it. I’ve been conditioned to think I always need to be on the go, but I’m learning. Thanks for the reminder.
Rose Costas says
Thanks for another great reminder. Every time I read one of your posts it is as if you are reading my mind or speaking directly to me directly in others. It is always so fascinating how hearing and reading the truth can either get you all excited about the future or make you become angry, frustrated and ready to give up. When I read your posts I am energized and ready to take on the day. I feel like I can do all things. I no longer become sad, depressed, frustrated or feel lost as there is always information for me to work with and on.
Thanks again.
Kim says
People often say “forgive, let it go, move on” and I know they’re right. I can forgive easily, but I often times don’t know HOW to let it go. What do I need to learn first?
Marc Chernoff says
@Kim: I think this article will help you out: 5 Things You Should Know About Letting Go
Donna says
I need to free myself from the expectations of others, especially during the Christmas holidays. Do any other wives and mothers know what I mean? My plans to create the perfect family Christmas get me so stressed out. This year I’m simplifying. Christmas is about Christ and those we love. Thanks for reminding me we need to let go.
Cassie says
I love the first tip in particular! It’s so easy for me to get wrapped up in mindless television watching, but I can tell a difference in my mood when I watch too much. I’m also a big fan of daily rituals!
Nan says
“Be selective about the media you consume.” For me, that means no more movies and TV that are about murder, terrorism and war, or mindless TV with no informative or life-affirming qualities. If I don’t feel uplifted after viewing a TV show, it’s off my list of things to watch. I feel like I need to watch the nightly news to stay informed, but sometimes, like Dr. Weil suggests, I need to take a vacation from the news.
AnnaD says
Thank you for these timely, wise words.
Noel Rosos says
You are spot on in terms of the media we consume. I used to be horror movie buff but I’ve lied low lately because the gore and exploitation in today’s horror is simply too much and I found that it adds to the negativity of life which we witness daily in our favorite news programs.
I started watching inspirational movies and consuming personal development podcast instead and brought a big change into my life in terms of perspective and mindset.
Awesome post as always!
Aminullah says
Your posts are really impressive – we need to work for the things we wish to have in our life, and be willing to change when things are going as planned.
Susan Embry says
This is your best post ever! It flew into my box this morning on angel wings just when I needed the lift! Thank you.
David Rapp says
#1 is perfectly timed for us. We are changing our TV service to lower the price tag, but the educational channels my son and I want are only available on the priciest package. But I am tired of murder, violence and sex laden channels I seem to default to so it may be worth the expense.
#8 is high on my list of things to change. It dawned on me that I am still holding onto the reigns of the past, and I cannot grasp my future until I let them go.
#3 and #4. I have gotten way to comfortable (at work, in health, and in my relationships) and its time to change, so I have built a library for me to learn and challenge myself. I’ll have the plan in place on January 1st.
Melissa Wilson says
I can relate to each of these tips, but I especially like the last one. I think one of the best ways to take back control of your life is to focus more on the future than on the past, especially when it’s a painful past. And one of the best ways to do this, I think, is to start taking action and creating the future that you want for yourself. The only one who could stop you from doing this is yourself.
David says
One way to take back control of our minds is to choose who we spend the most time with on a daily basis. We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with during the day.
Larry Hochman says
As seen on FB recently…
The past is never complicated. It just “is.”
The present is complicated.
That’s the only place where you live.
And because the past is standing still, you can unravel it…and give yourself a clear space for a beautiful present. 🙂
Raymond says
Hello, I am such a mess… lol.. After years of addiction and now 1.7 years clean I am learning how to live again.. Everything is new and scary.. Fear of what people think goes deep into my roots of childhood… I’m glad i stumbled onto this – thank you.
SomeGuy says
Existence is one entity , we are part of existence , we are part of that entity ! The more human beings live in denial of that , the more suffering there is !
utu says
My resolutions for the New Year!!!!
Janet says
#1 is spot on. I was just talking to a friend this morning about this very issue. He gave up TV several years ago, and I did about 2.5 years ago. I told him this morning “I don’t miss it.”
“Did you ever imagine you’d say that?” He asked.
Never. Yet giving up TV, the constant barrage of advertising, the fake reality junk, the message that we’re all supposed to look and be a certain way, not to mention the “news” which someone else has decided that’s important for us to know–well, I haven’t looked back. I’m selective about the stuff I watch online and I have a lot more calm and quiet in my life. I doubt I ever have a TV again until I’m very old and confined at home.
Trisha Cronin says
Two of these points really hit home for me. The first one, particularly — but the media that drags me down tends to be stories people share on Facebook. Just before reading this article I’d made a decision to limit my time on Facebook and only share things that are uplifting, that will make people braver.
I know that many hard things are going on in the world, but that’s not the (whole) truth. We tend to believe what we read instead of what we observe around us everyday — or at least I do. I get caught up in all the terrible things happening, and forget that when I pay attention to my family, to the helpful strangers around me, the world looks much better.
The last point also really hit home. Some members of my birth family massively disapprove of my religious choices, and so most of my life they don’t even want to hear about. They don’t care about what’s important to me, and that’s incredibly painful. I want to leave it behind, but it’s sure a difficult thing to do!
Thank you for this article. I just discovered your website, and have been inspired.
Captain Kirk says
Marc…
As a full-time student of life, I have learned an abundance of valuable lessons that have improved my quality of life.
For example, after reading this post, and reflecting on taking back control of my life, the most liberating experience amplifies the liberating effect of my personal affirmation, related to number 8.
– Learn – from the PAST
– Live – in the PRESENT
– Look – to the FUTURE
The PAST serves as our fundamental lessons learned in life.
The PRESENT is living “in this moment”, without distraction.
The FUTURE is our “window seat” beyond the sunset, where our dreams transform into realities.
Moving forward is often the challenge. FEAR of failure – or the the unknown – becomes a mountain-like obstacle. When we are afraid, we must bravely and confidently advance forward, and reflect on these words of inspiration:
“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to LIVE!”
– Dorothy Thompson
And one more perspective of fear. Usually, this is the reality of FEAR:
– False
– Expectations
– Appearing
– Real
Courageously…we will conquer our fears!
Diana says
A great post to end the year and start a new one. Thanks. Has anyone heard of the 100 Happy days Challenge? Lifehack has a good post on this challenge. I thought it would be a great way to start a new year. Although I cannot take one pic a day, I can carry a small notebook or mini calendar with me to commemorate one happy moment a day. It is a great way to give thanks instead of complaining, of focusing on the positive instead of the negative.
Reading Marc and Angel’s posts every day always makes me happy.
Harika says
Great reminders indeed. It is eye-opening and thought provoking to a lot of of people who are carried away by constant bombardments from the media. That’s why we need more of this kind of reminders, to backwash their effect which is almost ingrained in us.
nelly says
I’ve spent meany years as a single mom, hoping a new, healthy father figure would come in to my children’s lives, but he hasn’t I need to give that idea up, because it’s holding me back from just being happy.
Marc Chernoff says
Thanks for all the heartfelt and insightful comments, everyone.
And remember, if you feel like you’re a work in progress, and still struggling with some of these points, that’s perfectly OK. Start embracing the fact that you are a work in progress. Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today. It means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully. It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share.
May we all be works in progress forever, and celebrate the fact that we are!
Wilson Reeves says
Marc and Angel, your words do really cheer up and give one a meaningful direction in life. Thank you.
HappinessSavouredHot says
I’m with you on this! Let’s simplify. Purge. Breathe. Focus on one thing (or one person) at a time. Especially when they really matter. 🙂
Kim A. says
“Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness. And remember, sometimes the hardest part isn’t the act of letting go but rather learning to start over.” This really hit home with me as I seem to be shedding a lot of tears this weekend. Thank you for your words of wisdom!
Mara says
Focus on me. Breathe.
Thank you -:)
Uma says
What clutters your mind and holds you back? What ideas, people and circumstances do you need to free yourself from in order to move forward?
There a number of things that clutters my mind and holds me back from achieving my goals and dreams. I feel life is a struggle and its a constant struggle too. Let me focus on the positivity. I would love to be surrounded by positive people who lifts me up mentally when I am down instead of adding past negativity. When I venture into something new maybe support and words of encouragement instead of ‘you better don’t waste your money, I know more than you and my gut feelings says so.’ Finding my foot is a bit difficult for me right now. I truly hope your words of wisdom will keep ringing in my ears …Thank you!
Jane says
I need to let go of the boy I fell in love with.
I already did, but I keep letting myself think about him and to reach back out to him.
His mindset and his habits are not what I want to surround myself with. I care about myself too much to do this.
I make a vow today to let go of him completely.
Julie Greene, MFA says
I found you on Twitter. When I first saw this post, and saw the photo of the person who appears to be doing yoga (or whatever) I said to myself, “Oh no! Not another person pushing me to mediate or shoving forgiveness in my face!” But I was pleasantly surprised. I believe in Freedom of Mind, and to live life as one chooses even if others are living theirs differently. I was impressed that you didn’t state that mindfulness was the cure-all, but stated “IF you want to be more mindful.” I say this because mindfulness is only one way of many.
There’s so much pop psychology out there, and much of it is harmful because it has a narrow view of who we are supposed to be and what our values should be. I haven’t watched TV in 20 years, and haven’t owned one, or a stereo, for over 10 now. I’m never, ever bored! Boredom doesn’t compute with me! I moved abroad to a new country not knowing one word of the new language upon arrival. That was a year and a half ago.
So many people are stuck and miserable. If you want something, go for it! Don’t wait till “someday”!
Tosin says
That’s a profound, interesting and self-lifting article.
In addition to the preceding points, one also needs to make himself happy by the thing he does without constantly worrying what everyone else thinks. Above all don’t put too much pressure on yourself for people to see you as a perfect person but rather be sincere to your self and do your best in everything.