All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them. And the way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
Over the years, Angel and I have had the privilege of working with dozens of extremely successful people. The key thing that separates them from the crowd is their unwavering self-discipline to actually get the right things done.
I’m betting you have stuff you want to do — stuff you know you should be doing. But it doesn’t get done. Why? You need to go from dreaming to doing… but it’s difficult to get going.
You want to excel more at work, get better grades, learn a new skill, get those six-pack abs, or spend more quality time with your family… but it’s not happening. Instead you just procrastinate.
So what can help get you going when you’re not motivated to achieve your longer-term goals? What’s the secret?
Angel and I have observed a simple four-step process repeated consistently in the habits and routines of the most successful people we know.
The first step, believe it or not, is dreaming. We’re all pretty good at that — but it’s only part of the process. In fact, if you do it wrong it can actually make things worse. Here’s how to do it right…
1. Dream (But Don’t Stop There)
Everything starts with a dream. But if that’s all you do, you’re in serious trouble.
Also, having a positive attitude is an explicit requirement, because a negative attitude makes us more likely to quit — or to never even begin in the first place.
But when that positive attitude becomes a constant habit of fantasizing, things go south really quick. Yes, that’s right, tirelessly dreaming about success is not constructive.
Again and again (somewhat to our surprise at first), our course members and coaching clients have had the same negative outcomes from over-fantasizing about what they want. Big fantasies, wishes and dreams detached from real life experience (action) never translates into the necessary motivation to create a more energized, engaged life. It translates into the opposite — more procrastination.
Why? The inexperienced, emotional human brain just can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality.
When you fantasize, certain parts of your brain think you’ve actually achieved your goal. So rather than ramping up, motivation actually pulls back. From what we’ve experienced through coaching thousands of people over the past decade, the main reason positive fantasies often predict poor achievement is because they do not actually generate enough energy to pursue the desired outcome. They don’t get people out of their chairs!
Too much dreaming turns positive thinking into mere wishful thinking.
So if it doesn’t work, why in the world do we do it so often? Plain and simple: it feels good.
Just like stuffing your face with chocolate cake or checking your email for the 70th time today, it feels good in the moment — but is counterproductive to long-term success.
Constant dreaming about success in the future seems to protect our egos against sadness in the short-term, but then promotes sadness over the long-term if that’s all we do. Because lofty expectations are being built but aren’t being backed by any substantial means to get from point A to point B.
Want to lose weight? Those who merely dream of looking thinner often lose significantly less weight than those who envision themselves gaining weight if they don’t take deliberate and immediate action.
Want to meet that special someone? The more frequently our course members and coaching clients have admitted to indulging in positive fantasies, the less likely they reported initiating a real relationship.
Okay, you get the idea. Dreaming by itself leads to nowhere worthwhile. So, what are the missing steps?
2. Aim for a specific outcome.
This part isn’t too difficult. You just need to take your dream and crystalize it. Be ultra-specific.
So if “making more money” is your dream, your desired outcome might be “get a raise at my next annual performance review.”
Dreaming of a better work-life balance? Your outcome could be “A daily work schedule that allows me to be free every afternoon at 4 P.M. sharp and off during weekends.”
(For more on setting goals and actually achieving them, check out Getting Back to Happy.)
So your dream is now clear. But this is when things get trickier and a bit more unconventional. It’s time to be constructively negative…
3. Visualize your obstacles ahead of time.
We call this “mental contrasting.” You need to consciously think about the obstacles that could potentially prevent you from achieving your desired outcome.
This might seem counterintuitive at first, but it’s a strategy that works wonders. And here’s what’s really interesting: As we’ve used this method in our coaching practice over the years, some people who do this get more focused almost instantly, while others end up less motivated in the short-term.
Does that mean this strategy is defective? No, it means it’s truly working. Here’s why:
The people who do not get a boost of focus are often the ones who realize the “specific outcome” they are aiming for is not specific enough or simply not reasonable – meaning they’re aiming for a goal too big and overwhelming for their current mindset.
So this mental contrasting doesn’t only motivate people to get the right things done, it also helps them break their bigger long-term goals into achievable shorter-term goals that they can wrap their minds around and get excited about, right now. So…
- When people visualize their obstacles and realize they have a good chance of overcoming them (“I want to get a raise this year”), motivation increases.
- Those who visualize their obstacles and realize their goals are too lofty and not specific enough (“I want to make a billion dollars this week”) report less motivation.
The latter are deterred from dreaming the wrong dream again and again, and so they tighten up their focus and don’t waste any more of their time. Thus, outcomes for both groups that use mental contrasting are positive.
The bottom line is that to be successful, we have to envision what could go wrong, and what will inevitably go wrong, in advance, before we begin. Far too many ambitious people fail for easily preventable reasons. Far too many people don’t have a well-thought-out backup plan because they refuse to consider something might not go exactly as they dreamed it would.
Today, this strategy not only helps entrepreneurs close billion dollar business deals, it saves lives. Prior to my career in personal development and life coaching, I spent a decade working for the U.S. Marine Corps. One thing I learned from the high-ranking officers I worked for: They spend a vast majority of their mission training time going over every possible mistake or catastrophe that could happen during the mission. Every possible error is mercilessly examined and linked to a suitable reaction: If the aircraft is hit and losing altitude, we’ll do X. If we are forced to make an emergency landing in enemy territory, we’ll do Y. If we are outnumbered on the ground, we’ll do Z.
(For more on using “obstacle visualization” to improve decision-making, read Decisive: How to Make Better Choices.)
So now you know your obstacles and you’re ready to take the next step…
4. Use self-inquiry to build actionable “if-then” responses for overcoming your obstacles.
Mental contrasting is so helpful because it directly weighs dreams against realities. It basically stress-tests your desired outcomes. In other words, questioning your dreams leads to insights about how to proceed with them in the real world.
The bottom line is that while thinking positive is important, it’s also important to ask questions that help you actually build a plan for making real progress.
So rather than just saying something positive like, “I will lose weight,” start with a question like “Can I lose weight?” (and this question leads to other obvious questions, like “How?”)
Seems like a small difference, but questions are powerful tools. They make you realistically consider the problem and what’s truly required. From my experience, those who use this kind of self-inquiry for goal setting always outperform those who employ the more conventional positive affirmation sort of self-talk.
Questioning your dreams helps build actionable plans. And actionable plans help you be more productive, and eventually bring your dreams to reality.
So what’s the best way to make sure your actionable plan addresses your obstacles?
Create little “if-then” responses to all the (known) challenges you face.
For instance, a simplified bit of self-inquiry might go something like this:
- Can I lose weight? Yes.
- How? Skip dessert after dinner. And…
- “IF I’m eating out and others are ordering dessert, THEN I will just order a coffee.”
Makes sense, doesn’t it? Simple, but a little different.
Closing Thoughts
Successful people are successful because they take action. They are taking action right now. And YOU can be one of them.
So take the four steps above and start working through them. Yes, right now! Reading is not doing!
Just like watching Shark Tank doesn’t make you an entrepreneur, reading about what successful people do doesn’t make you a success unless you follow in their footsteps.
You want to go from dreamer to do-er? Try it now:
- What do you dream of achieving?
- What does the specific outcome of your success look like?
- What obstacles are standing between you and where you want to be?
- When an obstacle arises, what will you do about it? “If _____ happens, then I will ______.”
And then take action!
Can you see how this strategy takes a simple dream and puts you on a path to achieving it? I’m hoping you’re nodding your head up and down.
But again, blog posts can’t change your life. Only YOU can. Now go DO IT!
The floor is yours…
I’ll help start you off… Tell me:
What do you dream of achieving? What are you going to do about it today?
Leave a comment below and let me know.
Susan says
Right now I need to create more focus on the things I want to achieve in my business and family life. It’s kind of a meta goal. This list resonates with me as something that I could put into action tomorrow morning. I’m going to spend time this evening putting things together (an action plan using these principles) for tomorrow morning so that I can take some quiet time for myself first thing, and ride that wave of mindful focus into the day. This is also easy to pass along to others as helpful steps for moving forward. Thank for this. And thanks for all your emails and course materials.
Irene Sandenberg says
Incredible tips. I’ve always believed and followed the mantra of actions speak louder than words. Also, I really want to thank you for all your free advice! At a time when I had no money, no job, low self esteem and seriously on a roller coaster to hell, there was nobody prepared to help me as I had no money for a life coach or any counseling. After reading all your emails and following your teachings, you have changed my life! You gave me hope and determination and I have structured my life and “code” according to your teachings and I am well on my way to success.
You helped me when everyone else turned away. I recently purchased your book as a way to say thank you, and it ended up being an even more helpful reference than I imagined.
J.J. says
Wow! Love this fresh take on the facts of real achievement! I’d add my must-do, move the body! Every day, a walk, martial arts, a trip the gym, at least some gentle stretching. Keeps me healthy, safe and sane while I work!
And to answer your question, I dream of getting more of the right things done, just like everyone else, and this article is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
Zequeatta Jaques says
Great insight. Dream-Action-Results
M S Rao says
This blog is the take-off ground from where my lost hopes get re-inspired to soar into the new sky of opportunities with fresh energy and rejuvenation. I now recognize my potentialities.
John says
Your article is fine. A couple things my experience has taught me: many times other people will actually call you obsessive when you consider a wide range of outcomes for any goal setting. Also, and very importantly if you include other people in your master plan you must realize that other people are generally not dependable and can change in mid-stream of realizing your well-planned dream project. Divorce would be a perfect example of this happening. How to defend against this is somewhat obvious…I guess a strong sense of independent action is the prerequisite.
Marc Chernoff says
@John: I agree. Some people will judge you for doing things differently. But remember, when we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. Also, great point about relying on others.
@All: Thanks so much for positive remarks and food for thought. As you know, I love reading your comments.
Auvergne says
Hi both, thank you so much for your inspiring articles, I love to receive the e-mail newsletters and I read them all. Currently I have very little support in ‘real life’ which makes me even more grateful to receive and read your blog. What do you dream of achieving? I achieved my dream of buying a property (mortgage free) overseas, 10 years ago, and at the time I had support from friends and associates, I worked hard and I was in a strong position financially, I planned to complete all works in the property and then live there on a permanent basis. Subsequently, I separated from my (then) partner, who took all of our joint savings, destroyed all of my belongings and even managed to get the locks on the overseas property changed. I used the last of my savings on a legal battle with him and despite having 3 minimum wage jobs at the time, I ended up living in a tiny rented apartment with no money, sometimes I couldn’t afford to eat, I walked to work when I had no fuel for the car. My network of support diminished and despite my past work history, the only people who would employ me offered the minimum wage. I met my current partner and went on to have a beautiful daughter who is now 5 years old. She truly inspires me!
What are you going to do about it today? I was lucky enough to be offered a tuition fee loan 2 years ago and enrolled on a part time course of study, my two passions, French and English Literature, I’m still amazed that I lucky enough to do this. I passed the first two language modules and I am currently working on the third, alongside the first literature module. The French modules will assist me with the practicalities of the overseas property, and the English modules feel totally indulgent, I don’t actually need them, I just love the subject and I like to write pretty much every day too. I see the property as my daughters inheritance, so this dream has to be a reality.
When I eventually found paid employment (albeit minimum wage and temp contract), the nursery fees were greater than my pay, so it actually cost me money to go to work. My daughter is now in school, but I have no paid work. My self esteem is low and to say that I feel isolated would be an understatement, but there is something within me that refuses to give up, and this is reinforced every time I read your newsletter(s). Sorry for such a long post, but I wanted to thank you for your website and I’m sure I speak on behalf of others that are continually inspired and supported by your posts, even if we do not always have the courage to post a comment.
John says
You cannot change the direction of the wind , BUT, you can adjust your sails …
I don’t know who said this, but they are SO right.
Thank you so much for your take on life. Looking forward to reading your book. FLY HIGH young man!
David says
“But remember, when we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.”
Wow! Thanks! I am recently out of a relationship where that was key. I was criticized for everything I did or said. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t really me, but it’s still difficult to continually bounce back and after a few years, I felt beaten down. Your words here explain a truth to me that I had lost sight of! Thank you so much! And thank you for all your posts. I just recently found you and I look forward to getting the book soon.
Guus says
I dream of starting this big company and putting Cagayan de Oro City on the internet map. And it is end of day, but this obstacles and what-if stuff is something I will work on later this week and maybe continuously after.
Thanks for this very useful article!
Merryrose says
What do you dream of achieving?
In five years, I will purchase an inexpensive home in England and live half the year there and half the year in the US.
What are you going to do about it today?
I am going to open a savings account dedicated to the purpose of saving money for purchasing the home in England.
Thank you, Marc and Angel, for your inspiring words of guidance. You always help me to feel hopeful and aware of my own power.
Karen says
I’ve just signed up to your site, and I’m glad I did! My dream is to finish my novel – 20th draft – and find a publisher this year. I’m going to start to think about all the obstacles now …
Holly says
I want to write. About 9 months ago I was looking ahead to closing my private practice and moving on. But I wanted to write. So in the middle of the craziness of closing a practice (a whole story in itself) I started blogging. Once a week, every week. That also meant I had to learn about blogging, tech support and a lot more. But I wrote. Once a week. Every week. Even when I thought I was going to lose my mind, I didn’t by the way, I wrote every week. Now I’m thinking about a book. A book about letting go, knowing when it’s not your problem. I just wrote a post about that but there’s much more to say.
Joe says
I like and believe everything that you expressed in your blog I tend to have great ideas but my character is lacking and my project completion is lacking most of all. It almost seems if I’m going around in circles with maybe having to many ideas, starting one than getting another and starting that one, only to come around and repeat the process overall never getting anything done. My solution is just to focus on one until it completed before moving on.
Kymberly Stewart says
That’s very encouraging, Holly. I am going through a divorce after 14 years of marriage. I am a singer and songwriter and for the last 10 years that I was with my husband I supported him as he pursued and achieved his music career. I was a stay-at-home mom and became very depressed and insecure. I stopped singing completely and lost confidence in my ability to sing at all. I loved being able to take care of my kids, but I was not happy. When my husband left I started giving piano lessons to kids to earn money and that reignited my flame for playing and singing. I started writing children’s songs and ended up recorded them in a studio and they are now on iTunes. I am in the process of creating a full children’s album. It’s amazing how one small positive step can lead to a great accomplishment. Good luck on your book. I’m looking forward to reading it!
William Williams says
Hello
If your driving a car and the performance is not what it should be you get it fixed so it can function fully. Our existence is exactly the same if you start with dreaming ideas then how do I improve them what should you do? WHAT is dreaming? How can I improve my ideas through dreaming? The dream is something we all have and it manifests in scale for each and everyone of us. So what is it that pulls us along everyday…. HOPE I’m afraid that’s what most of us do.. WE HOPE.
So… to start with ignore all the other steps for now and learn how to see, hear, imagine, feel your dream, become a visionary. How do I do that? Find out for yourself , it involves a healthy mind and body and some inner work. By putting focus on the first stage the secrets will unlock themselves for you and the following stages will be far easier to accomplish as your synchronicity improves Remember ! It is a remarkable world you live in… Have a good one.
NP says
Very insightful – you both look young but seem to possess a wisdom well beyond your years.
If only our brains came with an owners manual…
Benny says
Thanks Marc for an amazing post.
“Aim for a specific outcome” is gold.
It helped me to actually advance towards realizing my dream.
My few thoughts about obstacles:
Arnold Schwarzenegger said that we should “always be willing to fail”.
I believe there’s a difference between the army and our life. In our life we can’t expect ahead all the things that might go wrong. There are too many possibilities.
Only if you see how your action today can prevent the problem in the future, should you consider it today. We do have to believe in our ability to cross the bridge when it comes.
From my experience when there are too many different aspects and details to a problem, you can usually simplify by finding the root problem and solving it.
This will solve all the small problems that seemed unconnected before.
G.V.Rao says
I am in the field of teaching and constantly in touch with the youth. Reading of your articles really helps me to counsel the youth in the right direction. My sincere appreciation for such a wonderful articles.
George says
Thank you for this great post! I really enjoyed how you use mental contrasting to turn a negative into a positive.
Turning a positive affirmation into a question forces you to be honest with yourself if you actually can accomplish your goal. Which you can then answer the question with another positive affirmation because you know and believe you can!
Not every situation we’re thrown into will end in a positive result, but there will always be something positive that we can take away from if the result does turn out negative.
And like you said, it doesn’t matter what steps successful people take if we don’t take any action ourselves.
Thank you again.
lynne says
Hi, great tips! You are right, the first thing we should do to be successful is to take action right now, once we’ve started pursuing our goals everything else follows. I loved reading your articles, it’s always been very encouraging. Thanks for sharing.
Marc Chernoff says
@Auvergne: I love your sentiment. Thank you for leaving such a warm, inspiring comment. You are doing incredibly well! Angel and I are both cheering for you. 🙂
And of course, thank you everyone. I actually took seven lines of notes from a few of your comments. Love your insight! You’re giving me ideas for future posts.
DP says
I have been a big fan of envisioning daily what your hope to accomplish, and keeping your long term goal in mind while doing so. However, this is the first I’ve read about envisioning your obstacles . . . and I like it! Thanks for the article!
-DP
somedayextraordinary.com
Karen says
Incredible article. I have been stuck in my dreams of starting a business again…afraid I cannot financially get there. The obstacle if-then-else concept may just be what I need to get started. Thank you!
Mario says
Hi!
Your work is guiding and never ceases to provide a refreshing, thought-provoking experience.
Much love and peace
Mathias says
Some great tips here! Number 2 is something I’ve been working quite a lot on myself lately – it’s nice to have it put on paper as a clear step like this!
Step 3 and 4 do sound intriguing, I’ll have to try them out on my dreams!
Nigel says
What an inspirational post. When you are losing motivation it is good to get a perk up from reading something like this to make you refocus on action to achieving your goals.
Lynne says
Great tips that I shall truly take to heart! The most important word that I have learned today is ACTION. Yes we need to take action for all our goals to be achieved.
Adam Martin says
Great tips here and taking action is definitely the key. You can have all of the ideas in the world, but if you never act on them that is all they ever are.
Kerri says
Great tips…..i’ve always dreamt about achieving something….but just don’t know where to start and how to overcome certain challenges…but with these..i’m ready..ACTION..thanks for these really….very encouraging.