“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
— Oscar Wilde
Last night I received an email (creatively) titled “Emotionally Stable People Don’t Do This” from a reader named Karl. In it he describes a rather chaotic emotional roller coaster that he’s been on for the past few years, personally and professionally. And then he wrapped up his email with this:
“Truly, I love your book and blog. Both have helped me get through some seriously tough times. But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with my emotions. I persistently let every little problem get the best of me. So I was wondering, what do emotionally stable people NOT do? I’m asking because, even though I’ve made progress, I know I’m still holding on to old habits that are holding me back. I need some reminders of what NOT to do!”
There are a million ways to answer Karl’s question (especially as it relates to his unique life situation), but since emotional stability is something all of us struggle with at times, I figured I’d take a stab at answering his question in a general sense, for all of us. Here’s what emotionally stable people don’t do:
- They don’t take other people’s behavior personally. – It’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you expect. And it’s so hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your worth. But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles, that the thought of asking you how you’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t being mean or uncaring – they’re just busy and a bit self-centered at times. And that’s OK. It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part. It doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy. It just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble. But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is an incredible strength.
- They don’t get caught up in petty arguments and drama. – Being strong and emotionally stable doesn’t mean you have to stay and fight all the battles and petty arguments that come your way. It means just the opposite – you don’t have to stay and respond to other people’s rude remarks and unnecessary hostility. When you encounter someone with a bad attitude, don’t respond by throwing insults back at them. Keep your dignity and don’t lower yourself to their level. True strength is being bold enough to walk away from the nonsense with your head held high. (Read Loving What Is.)
- They don’t just react (they respond mindfully). – A reaction is a hot, thoughtless, in-the-moment burst of emotion that’s usually driven by our ego (we’re more likely to react when we’re disconnected from our rational mind). It might last just a split second before our intuition kicks in and offers some perspective, or it might take over to the point that we act on it. When we feel angry or flustered after dealing with a situation or person, that’s a sign we’ve reacted rather than responded mindfully. Responding mindfully will leave you feeling like you handled things with integrity and poise.
- They don’t get stuck thinking the world is ending. – Sometimes the darkest times can bring you to the brightest places, your most painful struggles can grant you the greatest growth, and the most heartbreaking losses of relationships can make room for the most wonderful people. What seems like a curse at the moment can actually be a blessing in disguise, and what seems like the end of the road is actually just the realization that you are meant to travel a different path. No matter how difficult things seem, there’s always hope. And no matter how powerless you feel or how horrible things seem, you can’t give up. You have to keep going. Even when it’s scary, even when all your strength seems gone, you have to keep picking yourself back up and moving forward, because whatever you’re battling in the moment, it will pass, and you will make it through. You’ve made it this far, and you’ve felt this way before. Think about it. Remember that time awhile back when you thought the world was ending? It didn’t. And it isn’t ending this time either.
- They don’t tie their present emotions to past negativity. – When we’re in the ‘here and now,’ it’s much easier to cope with emotions and see them as just that: emotions. If we get caught up obsessing over the past, emotions and situations can take on new (and untrue) meanings as they become attached to stories. For example, imagine you just got turned down for a new job. Naturally you’re disappointed. But if you’re not present with that emotion, and instead try to act like a tough girl or guy by burying it, the mind delves back into your past for all the other times you’ve felt that way. Now you feel like a failure and you start to carry a feeling of unworthiness into every future job interview. When we stay present, we’re empowered to start fresh every moment and we can see every situation with a sharpened perspective, which allows us to grow beyond the negative emotions (and outcomes) standing in our way. (Read The Power of Now.)
- They don’t try to escape change. – Sometimes, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel to admit it, there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay. Change may not be what we want, but it’s always exactly what’s happening. The Earth does not stop spinning. And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Or, saying hello will make you more vulnerable and uneasy than you ever thought possible. Some changes are almost too much to bear. But most of the time, change is the only thing that will save your life and allow you to dream and grow and succeed and smile again. Life changes every single moment, and so can you.
- They don’t try (or pretend) to be perfect. – To paraphrase the poet Daniell Koepke, “Despite what others may tell you, you can disappoint people and still be good enough. You can fail and still be smart, capable and talented. You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love and admiration. Everyone has disappointed someone they care about at some point. Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes. Not because we’re all inadequate or inept, but because we’re all imperfect and human.” Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for confusion and disappointment.
- They don’t spew hate at themselves. – When you catch yourself drowning in self-hate, you must remind yourself that you were not born feeling this way. That at some point in the past some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth. But that lie isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you. And in the same way that you learned to think negatively of yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving thoughts. You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power, and reclaim your self-respect. It won’t be easy, and it won’t transpire overnight. But it is possible. And it begins when you decide that there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to discover it. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
Closing Thoughts
Looking after our emotional wellness helps us get the very most out of life. When we feel emotionally stable, we feel more centered and connected to our intuition. We become more productive, better at making decisions, more present, and more fulfilled.
So now that we’ve covered eight big “don’ts,” let’s close with a few rapid-fire “do’s” to improve your emotional stability and wellbeing in general…
- Do… understand that the problem is not the problem – the problem is the incredible amount of over-thinking you’re doing with the problem.
- Do… realize that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s worth your while. Do what’s right in life, not what’s easy.
- Do… know there’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short. Invest in the activities you deeply care about.
- Do… admit when you are wrong, and then embrace the fact that you are wiser now than you were before.
- Do… say “no” so your yeses have more oomph.
- Do… be so busy loving the people who love you that you don’t have time to worry about the few people who don’t like you for no good reason.
- Do… focus more on being interested than being interesting.
- Do… express gratitude and think about how rich you are – your family and friends are priceless, your time is gold, and your health is true wealth.
- Do… realize that if the grass looks greener on the other side, it’s time to stop staring… stop comparing… stop complaining… and start watering the grass you’re standing on.
- Do… be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it.
- Do… see transitions in life as the perfect opportunity to let go of one situation and embrace something even better coming your way.
Your turn…
What’s one habit or belief that has slowed you down and weakened your emotional stability? How have you coped? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
Photo by: Slave Stojanoski
Amandah says
I sometimes fall victim to comparing my journey to those of others (somewhat related to your final two points). It’s ironic how even though most of us understand that the world has a vast combination of people, we refuse to realize the combination of paths we could face.
It really helps to believe that you are a special breed. There’s a specific purpose for your co-existence with others. And since success will vary depending on who you talk to, you can’t really assume that someone else is “doing better” than you.
Kev says
The belief that has held me back the most and robbed me of emotional stability (until recently) is that I always wanted full approval from my family and close friends before I made certain changes I knew I had to make to be happy and successful. This was really foolish on many levels, as other people can’t possibly feel what I feel, or see the positive future I see until I make a little progress and show them.
So that’s what I’m doing now. 🙂
PS: Your email newsletters and book have been quite helpful in changing my mindset. Thanks for that.
janice says
I love this post and I agree with Kev 100%. Worrying about my family’s expectations, ideas, beliefs, gossip, etc., about what they think I should do has kept me back for so long, in horrid jobs and pain-filled relationships. I have doggedly returned to my true love and sense of destiny in life after following what I believed people in my family thought I should do – which got me nowhere when I did for many years. Now I’m approaching my goals more and more and some of them, my siblings, are almost furious with me! I am worried I will give it all up to get that 9 to 5 they believe I should follow them in doing, but I’m starting to get accolades for my work… If I just keep at it…
Thank you for writing these posts, providing coaching support and helping me to keep on being determined to follow my own path in an emotionally stable frame of mind.
Michael Gregory II says
Great Post! I think a slight weakness that I have is dealing with myself emotionally as well. Such as the man who sent you that letter, I understand where he may be coming from. I tell myself not to take other people behaviors as a personal assault because I don’t know where they’re coming from or what life issues they’re facing.
So I constantly have to remind myself not to allow my anger to get the best of me. However, if I’m pushed past a certain point, what also helps is simply stepping away and spending some time alone with myself. That way, I’m able to recollect my thoughts.
Ismail says
I usually believe I’m inept whenever I see my friends already achieving some goals in life. In other words I do compare my growth with theirs. However, after reading this article I am better able to see the uniqueness of the goals I’ve achieved and my unique potentials…
Thanks a lot.
Stephanie says
I can relate to this and feeling like I should have accomplished more at this point in my life, especially when I see Facebook posts from people I went to school with.
A counselor once told me to avoid “should”s, “shouldn’t”s and other negative judgments I make of myself. She said to celebrate my own victories, and work on being the best version of myself.
We are all indeed unique!
Erin says
When I read this, “Do… realize that if the grass looks greener on the other side, it’s time to stop staring… stop comparing… stop complaining… and start watering the grass you’re standing on,” I took the biggest weight off my shoulders and took a deep breath. Thank you for the reminder!
Renee says
Every individual is unique and no two persons will always ever reason alike. If we can embrace our individualism and enjoy who we are, it really really helps us stay sane. We get so worked up about people’s opinions, the same people who are busy worrying about what you and other people are thinking about them. Enjoy the love and support from those who get you, and stay true to your life goals and hearts cry, focused on being the best you can be. These are my train of thoughts right after reading this Awesome Write up about emotions. In summary, Say to yourself: I am a WINNER no matter what!!!!
karen says
Thank you! I needed this today. Xx
siyaam says
Absolutely love all the articles you email to me – really helps me get through so much and really encourages me. THANK YOU.
Diana says
Another great post I can relate to. I wanted to especially thank you for the “do’s” at the end to counter the “don’ts” at the beginning. That is really helpful.
Val says
When I read this, “Do… realize that if the grass looks greener on the other side, it’s time to stop staring… stop comparing… stop complaining… and start watering the grass you’re standing on,” I took the biggest weight off my shoulders and took a deep breath. Thank you for the reminder!
–This is great! I’m reminded of the old saying “You can look at your past, but don’t stare.” And I’m not sure who actually said this but “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.” I’m going to try to live more openly and freely with these things in mind because I have been beating myself up for not living the life I want to. It’s a motivation to move forward with passion and purpose. Thank you, Marc and Angel for a wonderful post in my inbox this morning! Much love….
Donna says
A terrific message at an important time in my life. Thanks.
David Rapp says
Being bi-polar and on testosterone replacements, controlling my emotions using mindfulness is a daily process. Mindfulness is NOT inherent to most people, so I strongly recommend getting a book or two on it. Also, its a practice, and you will not see results quickly. But its worth the effort it takes because it helps you develop the ability to react less to the emotion of the situation, and more on your choice of response to the situation.
I would also add that emotionally stable people do not add more emotional fuel to an emotional fire. Its very hard NOT to react in intense times, and I always admire those folks who can keep a level head about them.
Rose Costas says
Thanks Marc for another awesome post. You have been such an inspiration for me. I had to make some very difficult decisions recently and I am still second guessing myself because everyone around me keep reminding of how bad the decision I made was. Unfortunately, none of them knew the hell I was going through when I made that decision. Even if it was wrong at the time I couldn’t tell because the pain was much greater than I could bear and getting away was the only choice I felt I had.
It is behind me now and even though things are much harder I am less stressed, less afraid and even though I do not know what the future hold I am working on picking myself up and forging ahead.
This post was perfect for the place I am at just now.
Peggy says
I let people who irritate me get the best of me all the time. The emotion is hard to describe but the feelings are negative. I will work on #1 for sure.
Linda says
My son has an addiction. I have let my whole life revolve around his recovery. I can’t do it anymore. This article states exactly what I must find again…hope. My emotion is what controls my behavior. I have each of the opposite of the points above…this article has made me think differently and to make my life a happier one.
rachael says
I grew up being told that I was invisible and that people would forget me and, I was forced to live that kind of life until I left home at 14. My mother was killed in a car accident my father and I were in. My dad never dealt with it he married a woman who was an incest survivor who never dealt with it. Their trauma became my truth and though I see and know this many years later I still battle with my lack of of self worth. Really good blog, thank you for writing this. Rach
John says
The Mending Wall by Robert Frost contains an often sited verse: “Good fences make good neighbors.”
“Good?” – Humm, how can I tell if a fence is “good”?
There is also a spiritual saying, “by their fruits, you will recognize them”, speaking of our ability to recognize another person’s good character. But from a personal perspective, a “good” fence is an effective one; a fence’s good fruits, allow the good inside and keep the bad out; i.e., a good fence is effective for our personal well being. Our physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries are essentially about self esteem and personal integrity, i.e. We’re valuable; We matter; and We’re not less than.
I was in my mid-30’s before my path crossed Pia Mellody, and she taught me personal boundaries – one of those fundamental, unseen principles of life that one can live without, but your life will be a mess of heart-ache until those boundaries are learned.
Like good fences, good personal boundaries are essential, and I was taught, in loving myself (maintaining my self esteem and personal integrity), that I should never take inside (or allow to penetrate my personal boundary) something someone else said about me that was UNTRUE, have “feelings” about it. It has saved me from much heart-ache and allowed me to maintain my self esteem and personal integrity – I’m valuable, I matter, I’m not less than.
Sharon Cramer says
My daughter has a serious alcohol problem. I too have let this become part of my whole being. I wake up every morning worried for her – & pray. I go to sleep every night worried for her – & pray. The article on finding hope again and letting go of the past has helped me regain some control. I just ordered the book and audio. I am still trying to think different and not focus so much on the “problem” – which then as you said – it gets exaggerated and overtakes logic. Thank you – I read your emails every day for some positive perspective.
Charles says
How true, most of the time the real problem is not the problem… It is your ATTITUDE towards the problem.
David says
Fantastic post with so many of the points made I can directly apply and ACT on myself. Really makes you look inside yourself, and see what needs to be done moving forward. A call-to-arms if you will. Thanks!
Victoria Klein says
My vision deteriorating is what gets me down the most and not having someone who understands to talk to about it.
Paul Govan says
Hey Marc,
I think one thing I’ve done and still do to a certain extent is “judge my insides by everyone elses outsides.”
But what I’ve come to realize is that even emotionally stable people can be incredibly uncomfortable and unstable inside without showing it.
And I’ve realized in my path that it can be the same for me. I can feel like a total wreck inside but maintain my composure and manage my emotions and even though I don’t feel it, everyone else thinks I’m totally calm and composed.
Thank you
Absolutely Tara says
Great post full of ACTIONABLE insight. I love that you followed up the don’ts with the dos. Thanks for sharing.
Nor says
Every time I read your words, I must admit things get a bit brighter. Many struggles the past 3 years since my divorce of a long term marriage, but the days are getting easier. Keep up the great work!
Hassan Shahid Rizvi says
You have hinted upon a highly important attitude. Anyone who cares for his / her continuous intellectual and professional development would remain an “Emotionally Stable Personality.
YES, Learning is a Life-Long-Process and the earlier we recognize this fact, the better would it be to cop with the challenges.
LEARNING to me is a Two-Prong Process:
ONE is what the Environment teaches you {there is NO or very little effort from you}, while the SECOND type is a Willful or Intentional Learning which you do with an objective in mind and continuously keep a track of it.
To me, the 2nd type is more valuable; and, for that one can take help from Print and Electronic Media and can meet and discuss with “Motivational Speakers”…
DEFINITELY, the 2nd type is a Speedy Process where one doesn’t wait for the events to occur or the things to happen.
Also, it works as a “Preventive Mechanism” to stop Learning from Accidents, in fact, this stops accidents also….
While in leisure and pleasure, You should check “WHO” learnt from accidents and who was a Consistent and Persistent Knowledge Seeker in the past and would, therefore, remain so in the future also… What success he / she achieved would bring an important attribute to your character.
Ronetta says
‘…from the galaxy of blues to a universe we choose…’ – Another Universe by Arno Carstens
It’s all about how small we want to stay to how big we want our world to be – if you cannot see beyond your hurt and insecurities, how can you know what possibilities await you out there?
‘Life is a balance of holding on and letting go’ – Rumi
Ritu Chowdhary says
Absolutely awesome post!!
I have noted down the line – Responding mindfully will leave you feeling like you handled things with integrity and poise. Most of the times instead of responding thoughtfully, we react and this reaction keeps us thinking, and takes away our peace.
I have the habit of over-thinking, I keep thinking about everything, why they said so, why they behaved this way, why are they upset, why things are happening this way.
Over the time, when am trying to control this extreme thinking, I feel Blissed!! I’ll not deny am not overly thinking now, but I’ve learned to give a PAUSE to it!!
Thank you so much, I feel so motivated to read this blog of yours.
julie says
Thank you for this blog. It’s truly amazing. My habit is wanting to please and make other people happy before myself. I’m working on it and learning to say no when I really don’t want to do it.
Karl, thank you for asking about what emotionally stable people do and the advice above is great. I also try to follow the 4 agreements
1. Be impeccable with your word. Say what you mean and watch what you say.
2. Don’t take anything personal.
3. Don’t make assumptions. Ask what people mean, don’t assume.
4. Always do your best. This will vary depending on how you are feeling (e.g. illness) but it’s still your best for any given situation.
These blogs give me the focus and boast I need
Thank you
Julie
Jesh says
I have been on an emotional and mental rollercoaster for the past 9 months. It has destroyed my self confidence, and taken away my dignity.
Reading your post has reminded me that I have become someone that I am not.
Thank you for the post, it has given me loads of encouragement to become my old better self again!
Much Love,
Izzy says
This article was very inspirational and helpful. I struggle with getting sucked into emotional garbage even though, logically, I know better. I also am text book in reacting without stopping and thinking. Add this to the overthinking everything and it can get crazy! I have improved a lot though. If I can learn to take a step back in stressful and confrontational situation I be so much better emotionally, and a lot less stressed.
Sara Stein says
Not taking things personally is something I still struggle with, I always see people’s comments as a reflection of something I didn’t do right or could improve upon instead of taking them at face value, or just not letting it bother me at all in the first place. I’m not sure how I started letting these things be personal, I never used to care what others thought of me, but as I’ve gotten older and my circle of friends has dwindled due to growing apart, and others having families that they have less time for me because of… it seems like I value others opinions much more.
Lily says
Hi Sara,
Just wanted to let you know I feel the exact same way.
Jud says
My journey for the last 2 years has been somewhat of an emotional and destroying one. I have let it all go, ive had to move on, but for the last 3 days i have cried and cried. Knowing its ok to cry, i thought it would make me feel better, but i was falling deeper and deeper, i isolated myself from everyone i knew. Until my mum saved me. Your points on here have helped me more than you will know, i never knew a man could destroy your heart and soul….esp when you thought it was forever This is the first time in my life my heart has actually been broken, like i can literally feel the hurt and it breaking everyday. I have now realised that this obviously wasn’t my journey and after nearly giving up i now see hope – I now see an exciting new future for me.
Thank you, my words are not enough to express how much you have helped me and given me a new outlook for my life. 🙂 Forever Grateful.
Marc Chernoff says
@Val: Thanks for sharing those quotes. And thanks for the kind words.
@David Rapp: As always, thank you for sharing your unique insight. And I agree with your points.
@Rose Costa: You’re welcome. And thank you for the continued support.
@John: Absolutely love your perspective! 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
@Sharon Cramer: Stay strong. Glad we’re able to help in some small way.
And to all: Thank you. As I’ve said before, your comments, insights and feedback continue to inspire Angel and I to write and share with you. We appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with us.
Travis says
I live by a code that is Three lines long:
never compare thyself to another: if you do use it to drive you no matter how high your expectation is now let it push you to a height you have never reached before see it more a competition than comparison.
Act with integrity no matter who they are even if you are in love or jealous (the two most powerful emotions): so many times I’ve wanted to for no reason kiss someone close to me or knock someone flat on there arse for being an asshole particularly for being a pervy douche to a girl i really like.
Your behavior is your responsibility: to those who have had friends help them climb into bed or have a shower after getting messy after a night out, learn that if you think you take responsibility over your own actions and behavior you are drastically mistaken. your behavior is yours even if you have no recollection or memory of it the day even weeks months later. unless you literally have a mental disability and even then.
End of code.
Yes laugh about these things especially the drunken mess one. but stop and think for that hour or whatever your friend sometimes friends took to get you home or in bed or in clean clothes (usually they are the same people over and over and time and time again) they were not having fun and their behavior and integrity and there ability to say no and to not feel the need to keep up with you (1st part of the code) saved your ass from most likely getting arrested or ending up in china not able to get home.
These are the people who are emotionally stable the ones that wont falter or crack, give up or surrender. they are the ones that don’t complain but listen to no end. the compassionate and the optimistic. the gratitude filled and humble people you take for granted and they are usually the ones that get made fun of or are the but of your friends jokes.
These people are like 24 carrot gold and a priceless diamond.
Just think about it is there someone or a couple in your friend group that always asks how you are? have you ever bothered to ask them back? if the answer is no. then you are not one of the people i speak of.
And if you do recognize these things in one of your friends. go and just hug them if they don’t like hugs and god forbid if they don’t because they will. look them in the eye and just say… how are you?
One of the greatest senses of trust and appreciation was when one of friends I so dearly love. held my hand. that was it. she just held my hand.
Trish says
I get caught up in overthinking things but I am learning as I get older to just “let things be”. Things usually work out as they were meant to and there is no reason to waste time worrying or stressing over things which may or may no happen.
Thank you for such great posts. They are extremely helpful and remind me of what is important when I sometimes tend to forget!
Marcela says
I spent way too much time and wasted energy cold shouldering people rather that being open and communicative- it took me several years to realize I was repeating a pattern I had learned at home and it was immensely damaging to my relationships.Now I am able to catch myself rather than let the lines of communication crumble. Thank you for these amazing reminders on how to live a more centered and healthy life 🙂
Lily says
How did you learn to do that? I think that is my main issue (following taking everything personally) and I would really appreciate to know if you read a book/ therapy or what not 🙂
Thanks
rahma baabde says
Awesome post! Thanks.
Jaco Alberts says
Excellent article. If I may mention two points I’ve also heard which I consider to be of value, along with your point 2 and 3… I recently heard the statement that the emotion of anger is often just a sign of fear, originating from a feeling of being insecure threatened. By discovering your true identity and building a better self image, you will gain more control over the emotion of anger.
Secondly, with regards to the third last point on your “do” list, there is also a saying (if I can put it as civilized as possible) that “the grass might be greener on the other side, but it also might be because there is more manure on the other side.”
Thank you for this article. I think we all need to give much thought to these points, and we will see major changes in our lives.
Ruby says
Love #6
Cynthia says
1, 4, 5, 8 are so true for me. I know I’m emotionally unstable and needy, even if a little, and often make a mountain out of a molehill. But I don’t know how to change it 🙁
Martha says
Thank you for your post. So true and very powerful.
I guess for me the greatest issue has been about control. Learning how to focus on what I can control vs. focusing on what I cannot control. This shift in perspective helped me to go from feeling like a helpless child to living my life as an empowered adult. Once I stopped blaming others for my problems and accepting responsibility for my own behavior I started to have real control of my life. Being able to break out of the blame game cycle enabled me to move forward instead of staying locked in a no win situation. This new perspective has also helped me to spot others who are a “positive force” in the universe vs. those who are an emotionally draining life suck. My only regret is that it has taken me so long to figure this out.
Shirley says
Great thoughts, Marc. You sound like a yogi 🙂
I’m going to pin these thoughts in my office to provide a “tap on the shoulder” if I find myself using an unhealthy habitual thought.
Robert Tempany says
It is perfect now to find this, the moment is perfect now. As beings, my thinking is we are all subject to past experiences, conditioned beliefs, perceptions which we have made a decision about which turns into a mode of thinking and expressing through our emotions . This can be interpreted as positive or negative – depending on our point of view. I speak from real life experience as I am well acquainted with the feelings of self doubt, anxiety – not feel good feelings. I asked myself would I prefer to feel good or feel bad? That is the decision and the answer is always to feel good. So the question is how and what can I do to change my thinking which will always be made real in the physical life experience. Quote “As a man or woman thinks so we are”
1. Know for myself who I really am – Know that I am at cause and I can change my thoughts, beliefs to align with who I am from the higher, perhaps truer seeing of the truth that each one of us is born as an expression of love, compassion, peace, happiness.
2. Meditate – allow the mind and myself space without condemnation, judgement of past actions, words. This is a practice – like learning to ride a bike when we have never ridden one before.Begin each day at zero. This is a discipline and can be easier said than done, it is just practice like learning to walk, talk and do all of the amazing things we do as human beings.
3. I use the 7:1 ratio – a really simple practice. When a negative (bad feeling thought) enters and I feel my vibration dipping, look for seven positive memories, thoughts or dreams in the future, seven times I have had a win. This doesn’t have to be a big deal, it is fun, like wow I woke up and have a pulse x 7! I smiled at someone and they smiled back, I enjoyed and am grateful for the birds who sang today. It is fun and easily practiced. Gratitude is a beautiful gift and is expansive.
4. I am supported by the Universe. I am, we are valued, treasured as individual expressions of the Infinite. In this we all have freedom to be who we are. Once again it comes down to knowing for ourselves who we choose to be, making a decision to be that and acting from our higher self. There is no doubt or fear in that state of being. It is our true self.
It is a beautiful way, humility and gratitude, love, inner joy and peace flow as a natural result.
That is my philosophy and sharing. Everything is given now, it is perfect and as it should be now even when we don’t see that.
Thank you for the forum and space to share Marc and Angel
Diane says
Thank you so much! I really need it today!
Genamainz says
Trying to control the outcome because I (was) so worried about what the outcome would be. Now I do my best, focus on that and try not to let the small things guide me. I know know it came for me judging myself thinking others judged me as harshly. At the end of the day most of the small things don’t matter unless they are being kind:)
Nathan says
For most of my life I’ve been critical of myself which has led to me being critical of others. My expectations or goals don’t have a plan; its more a dream they will some day simply happen…. as well as their being a reality completely different from mine – different friends, more attractive lovers, and a rich career. It is time to lay them down and stop avoiding the vulnerability practical goals bring. That is the allure of a fantasy for me: its always just around the corner when I will truly start living. My favorite saying is a cliche. Its from a movie most guys like: “Every man dies; Not Every Man Really Lives.”
I want to “live”, not just get by while time wastes away.
LadyRhinoa says
Number 1 is pretty difficult for me. I guess I am one of those people who really like to be liked 🙂
Juli-Ann says
If I have ever been stopped from anyone or anything I love… it’s always been me doing the stopping.
I will not struggle with that any longer. .. if I can offer any advise it would be to NOT get in your own way.
Others will never forgive you the way you can forgive yourself.
You will always do it faster and better.
You are your tower of power.
It took me a longtime to understand these very simple and common sense tid bits.
Don’t wait for someone else to say sorry or that they understand. . You do it… and keep moving.
Lastly. .. don’t be afraid to say sorry to someone when your wrong. But don’t expect the red carpet after you do… just learn … hold your head high and again keep moving. . If they respond then it’s a bonus… if they don’t then they don’t care to… and that my friends ..is none of your business.
KEEP MOVING
Rosetta says
Hi. Thank you for the inspiring article & I’m one of those who will have it in my bedroom to remind every morning on a way to start my day.
One bad habit I have & is slowing me down is being too emotional & reacting too harshly by text & I make sure I make you understand how you made me feel & make you feel that way 2 if you’ve hurt me or still tell you the truth about your behaviour but more like condemning you for it…& I can’t stop myself even when im right, you just have to get your own taste of the medicine.