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15 Important Reminders for Your Darkest Moments of Self-Doubt
Photo by: Lauryn Victoria
Archives for June 2015
5 Things that Happen When You Embrace Being Alone
Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to like it.
“Last night I was all dressed up and waiting on my blind date to arrive. He never showed up. It made me feel ugly and unworthy and abandoned. I thought he may have seen me from a distance and bailed. All sorts of negative thoughts were running through my mind. Then, as I left the restaurant alone, I heard a little girl ask her mom if I was a princess. It made me smile and changed my mindset. I decided to walk the long way home, and I truly took it in – the fresh air, the peaceful solitude, the moonlight glistening off the sidewalk. And I realized being alone right now was exactly what I needed.”
Those are lines right out of an email I received this morning from Diane, a new course student of ours (I’m sharing this with permission). Her feelings of loneliness, and then her willingness to embrace being alone, is both inspiring and a wonderful reminder for all of us. Because sometimes being alone is exactly what we need, whether we realize it or not.
The truth, however, is that an astounding number of people in this world hate being alone. Perhaps all of us do at some point or another.
We fear being without friends, family, or a partner. We get anxious about traveling alone to strange places, and being lost without anyone to hold our hand. We fear taking on life without a shoulder to lean on, for fear that we’re not strong enough or good enough to stand on our own two feet.
This is natural – this resistance to being alone. We’ve all felt it deep down in our own way, though we often try desperately to ignore and deny it. And this is one of the greatest causes of our stress…
To avoid being alone we’ll socialize endlessly, online and offline. We’ll date, and even marry, someone who isn’t right for us, just to have someone to cling to – someone to fill up the empty space in our lives. We’ll watch hours of TV, or stuff our faces with junk food, or buy toys we don’t need, because these things are replacements for love… especially self-love.
The secret to turning things around? Awareness and acceptance.
We have to open our minds to the empowering nature of being alone.
We tend to see solitude as grim and imprisoning. But in fact the exact opposite can be true. Solitude can be seen as freeing, as an opportunity for exploration and growth – an opportunity to get to know and love yourself, deeply.
Like most of us, though, this is something I’ve learned the hard way. For many years I feared being alone, but I gradually strengthened my emotional self-sufficiency, and now I love it. The more I’ve experienced and explored my own feelings of loneliness and uncertainty, the more I’ve realized how necessary these feelings are. It’s good for us to spend time exploring unknowns by ourselves. It gives us an opportunity to discover who we really are and what life is all about.
Being alone is nothing to fear. Solitude is beautiful.
Here are some things that happen when you embrace it:
1. You develop strengths you need, and didn’t know you had inside you.
Whenever I tell a coaching/course student that they need to embrace being alone, they usually say something like:
“But don’t you think the thought of being alone is [Read more…]
10 Types of Friends Worth Fighting For
“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
—Helen Keller
This post was inspired by three emails I received this morning, all of which share a similar theme about friendship. Below I have shared a small excerpt from each (with permission). I know you will appreciate them:
- “Kayla, my 12-year-old daughter, speaks fluent sign language because her best friend, Megan, who she grew up with from the time she was an infant, is deaf. Seeing their genuine friendship evolve and grow over the years truly warms my heart.”
- “My younger brother, Greg, spends most of his free time at school hanging out with the football team – he’s actually been working out with the team and everything. Greg has a mild case of autism. About a year ago my mom was ready to pull him out of school and have him homeschooled due to excessive bullying from peers. One of the popular football players, who had stood up for him in the past, heard about this, explained the situation to his teammates and friends, and stood by his side until the bullying stopped. Now, a year later, he’s just ‘one of the guys.’”
- “Yesterday my sister and I were in a pretty bad car accident. Luckily both of us were wearing our seat belts and didn’t have any major injuries. My sister is and always has been Mrs. Popular – she knows everyone. I’m the complete opposite – an introvert who hangs out with the same two girls all the time. My sister immediately posted a comment on Facebook and Instagram about our accident. And while all her friends were commenting, my two friends showed up independently at the scene of the accident before the ambulance arrived.”
Each of these emails made me smile because they reminded me of the power of true friendship. There’s honestly nothing more beautiful and meaningful in this world.
The author of the third email excerpt above ended her email with this line: “I know I don’t have a lot of friends, but I’m sure grateful I have a couple worth fighting for.”
And that’s exactly what I want to reflect on in this post – 10 types of friends worth fighting for…
1. Friends who make time for each other.
There are countless intricacies to every great friendship, but the foundation is always [Read more…]
4 Things to Remember When Fear is Holding You Back
Don’t try to hide from your fears; they’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.
“I’m nervous!” I told her.
“Nervous-cited?” she joked in an effort to remind me how close the feelings of nervous and excited can be.
I paused and considered her words.
“Actually, not really. I’m more afraid.”
Afraid. Fearful.
I had an opportunity in front of me I’d worked toward for a while. I knew, from past experience, if I handed the reigns over to fear my excitement would vanish.
Fear…
This was a feeling I’d thought I no longer surrendered to.
I now knew even those of us who believed we’d traveled pretty far down our path of self-awareness or enlightenment still give in and can become paralyzed by fear.
Fear places our excitement on pause.
No matter how excited we intellectually recognize we are (by an opportunity, an experience, anything) fear possesses the ability to seize excitement and place it on hold.
This manifests itself in many ways and, if we aren’t vigilant, it can bring us to our knees. So here are four key things you need to remember:
1. Overthinking everything accomplishes nothing.
Yes, fear lets us fall prey to paralysis by analysis. When we allow fear to permeate our excitement it stops us dead in our tracks. We become paralyzed by [Read more…]
12 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
? Dale Carnegie
“A 14-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 10th surgery in the past two years to combat a rare form of cancer. Even after all the surgeries, I’ve never seen her frown. She’s still 100% certain she’ll survive. And I’m certain her attitude is the primary reason she has survived to this point. She laughs and plays with her friends and family every day. And her positive attitude has made her dozens of new friends at the hospital. A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and come out smiling makes me realize how sour my attitude often is for no good reason at all.”
That’s an excerpt from an email I received this morning from one of our readers. And, coincidentally, just as I finished responding to it, a new email from a course student popped up in my inbox that opened with an extremely similar theme:
“Today I realized that my best friend, who lost her mom last year to cancer, has a happier, more optimistic and thankful attitude about life than I do…”
In our line of work, Angel and I hear from dozens of readers, coaching clients and students enrolled in our Getting Back to Happy course every day. Through this experience, we often see the same exact toxic attitudes tearing otherwise healthy individuals apart. And we’ve witnessed, firsthand, the devastation this toxicity causes to their personal and professional growth, and to their relationships.
Let’s be honest, though, we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another. None of us are immune to occasional toxic mood swings. But that doesn’t mean we have to succumb to them. Whether your toxic attitude is a common occurrence or just a sporadic phenomena, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re thinking and acting poorly, and consciously shift your mindset.
Here are 12 of the most common toxic attitudes we see plaguing people, and some tips to get you back on track:
1. “I don’t have enough to be happy.”
Instead of thanking the heavens for two strong legs and a body that’s capable of running and jumping and dancing, lots of people complain about their weight and appearance.
Instead of appreciating that they [Read more…]