Don’t try to hide from your fears; they’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.
“I’m nervous!” I told her.
“Nervous-cited?” she joked in an effort to remind me how close the feelings of nervous and excited can be.
I paused and considered her words.
“Actually, not really. I’m more afraid.”
Afraid. Fearful.
I had an opportunity in front of me I’d worked toward for a while. I knew, from past experience, if I handed the reigns over to fear my excitement would vanish.
Fear…
This was a feeling I’d thought I no longer surrendered to.
I now knew even those of us who believed we’d traveled pretty far down our path of self-awareness or enlightenment still give in and can become paralyzed by fear.
Fear places our excitement on pause.
No matter how excited we intellectually recognize we are (by an opportunity, an experience, anything) fear possesses the ability to seize excitement and place it on hold.
This manifests itself in many ways and, if we aren’t vigilant, it can bring us to our knees. So here are four key things you need to remember:
1. Overthinking everything accomplishes nothing.
Yes, fear lets us fall prey to paralysis by analysis. When we allow fear to permeate our excitement it stops us dead in our tracks. We become paralyzed by the mere thought of pushing past and making our way toward a more positive emotion. We become stuck in the cycle of what if ____? … conjuring mental images of various worst-case scenarios. Our brain, riddled with fear, ceases to acknowledge past successes and becomes wholly focused on the perceived terror of the experience to come. Unease and uncertainty paralyze us, and we become stuck in a downward cycle.
The solution? Stop thinking and start doing…
Don’t fear change. Change fear. Step by step.
2. You are not physically broken, even though fear makes you feel that way.
Once upon a time the physical manifestations of fear worked in our favor: The fight or flight response, the flood of adrenaline in our system, and the sense of our body on “high alert.” These physical sensations saved us when confronted with a situation that threatened our survival.
These days, moments of true physical danger are thankfully few. And, while our conscious brains may register this fact, our subconscious bodily instincts are slower to learn. As a result, when we feel fear (about a life-event, about a new opportunity) the emotion sparks this same physical cycle to occur. Our feelings of fear place our excitement on pause because we begin to physically break down. These sensations, from heart palpitations to rapid breathing, ignite even greater feelings of panic and fear.
But it’s all in our head. Take a deep breath and re-focus on the truth. Your truth.
3. You are good enough right now.
Fear sparks the impostor syndrome. What if we aren’t good enough? What if we aren’t strong enough? What if, what if…
When we allow our brains to spiral into this thinking, we’ve surrendered control to fear. We question the very opportunity we’ve received (the new job, the new boyfriend, etc.) because we are fearful others will discover who we really are. Fears disrupt our ability to think clearly and experience the excitement the situation warrants. Fear pauses our positivity because we’ve subconsciously convinced ourselves that in this situation we are frauds who aren’t good enough. Fears lure our brain into thinking past successes have had nothing to do with us and were a result of luck or timing. Excitement about the new opportunity is stopped.
You’ve got to flip the switch on this kind of negative thinking. No one and nothing can make you feel inferior without your consent. Period.
4. You are not alone in feeling fearful and alone.
Perhaps the most powerful way fear places our excitement on hold is it signals us to retreat. When we allow trepidation to override excitement we become simultaneously embarrassed and afraid. We convince ourselves no one else has experienced what we are going through or would ever feel the way we do. We become wrapped up in how overwhelming and powerful our fear feels. Devoid of any joy, embarrassed and scared, we retreat into solitude and more overthinking, which in turn further feeds our fears.
But you are NOT alone! So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you.
We are all in this together.
Break the cycle!
Push back fear and strip it of its power to place your excitement on pause.
Seize the feeling of fear and shift it toward gratitude. Remind yourself of the silver lining contained in every seemingly fearsome situation. Take action. Moving toward what we fear, gradually, is the first step in seeing the reality is never quite as scary as it seems.
The story I opened with is my story of writing this post. My excitement at the writing opportunity on Marc and Angel’s blog was placed on pause until I reminded myself of the four concepts I’ve shared here. My approach to stopping fear from pausing my excitement was reminding myself of #4, again and again.
I also chose to focus on the power of my What You Can When You Can (#wycwyc) community. I brought my fear out into the light and shared it with my online tribe. My fear, as happens with most worries when shared, was heard, gently refuted, and transformed into excitement again.
Your turn…
I’d love to hear from you. How has fear put your excitement (or happiness) on pause? What has it stopped you from doing? What have you done in the past to break this cycle of fear? Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
Author Bio: This post was written by Carla Birnberg, author What You Can When You Can. She is on a mission to help you live a healthy life on your own terms.
Photo by: Minarai
Gwen says
In the past fear has stopped me from many things, including following a career path that I longed for.
Last year I purchased Marc and Angel’s eBook and audio book bundle. I listened to the audio book in my car on the way to and from work, and I read a small, selected passage from the book before I closed my eyes at night. This gave me the foundation and reenforcement I needed to get over some of the fears you have described here. It took time. It took lots of re-thinking things. But I’m making progress, and have already switch jobs to better align myself with where I ultimately want to be down the road.
Great article! Thank you.
Dev says
I read a few paragraphs or quotes from Marc and Angel’s book every night too. Sometimes my wife and I read aloud to each other. Great reminders for dealing with fear and social anxiety.
CARLA says
I love that you point out both foundation and reinforcement.
I have needed to really focus on making FIGHTING BACK THE FEAR into a habit and constantly exercising those “muscles” has really helped.
MarianHJones says
I loved reading this article and comment; It helps me a lot to conquer various kinds of fears in life. Emotional, Psychological, Physical etc. Thank you!
Dev says
I’ve always feared looking foolish in the eyes of others. It’s a fear that’s held me back quite often in the past, but one I’m slowly learning to cope with.
Honestly, for me it’s been about reading books and articles, and then putting what I read into action – small steps, working on my self-confidence, and working with close friends and family in social settings. It takes time to grasp, but rarely is anyone judging you… it’s you judging you.
Janice says
These are wonderful tips for overcoming fear. I’ve implemented similar philosophies in my own life gradually over the past decade.
And I can really relate to the previous commentary here too.
I spent most of my early life in fear of nearly everything. I was born very shy and fearful, and then my parents were super overprotective, which encouraged my fear.
It’s only in the last decade that I feel I’ve really blossomed and let go of most of my fears.
One of the major things I did was this: For my 30th birthday, in 2005, I decided to begin a tradition of doing something that REALLY scares me every year. This has really changed my mind about a lot — especially what I am capable of. It’s amazing how this once-a-year project has helped me gradually grow into the very strongest version of myself in so many walks of life.
CARLA says
SUCH a great idea about the ONCE A YEAR PROJECT.
If you are anything like I am the adage of DO SOMETHING EACH DAY WHICH SCARES YOU can be….scary 🙂 It can feel overwhelming on a daily basis.
One big thing a year is a great thought. (now you have ME thinking :-))
uc says
I have the same exact issues as Janice. It’s a good feeling to know I’m not alone at this moment.
Jim says
I find that when I retreat in solitude and open my awareness to my fears I may create sacred space to acknowledge those thoughts that entrap me and let them go rather than overlook or over-think them.
Helena says
For me the most powerful part of this article is the underscoring of the fact that I am not the only one who struggles with this fear that disrupts my path to my ambitions, that it is a universal experience, and that my tendency to over-think (in my case re-think) my situation when it hits is just futile. Knowing I am not alone in this struggle seems to dilute its power a lot. Thank you for a timely piece. I really needed to read this today.
tara dillard says
If I haven’t been outside my comfort zone for 6 months, I know I’m not growing. And actively seek new challenges.
When life throws fear at me, I’ve learned to ask myself, “What would I do tomorrow if I were not afraid?” Choices arrive, none fear based.
Asked a friend, younger than me, we both had alcoholic husbands, “How did you know it was time to divorce Tom?” I had been in fear daily about needing to divorce my alcoholic spouse. Smiling, she said, “You know how you ask, when you are young, ‘How do you know you’re in love?’, you’ll know.” Immediately, my fear lifted, about making the choice.
2 years later my husband had his 2nd car wreck within 6 weeks. Laying in bed reading before falling asleep, I felt the fear of divorcing after 30 years lift from my body/soul/brain/heart/DNA. Literally, felt it arise and go. Whoa. A giddy feeling, never had that experience before, the weight lifted.
My girlfriend was correct, you’ll know.
Given a new opportunity in life I have learned to ask, Does this choice expand me, or diminish me?
Fear will come again, for sure, now I have arrows in my quiver to handle it.
Garden & Be Well, XO T
Jamie says
Tara, wow! Beaitifully written, powerful, thank you for sharing, and blessed be…xo
I only wish I learned all this about fears a few months back. I have been able to recognize, but only recently, how much fear is holding me back. And as of just 2 weeks ago, I began making my plan of moving forward.
FYI, this will be lengthy, but I hope this helps even just one orher parent out there….
Three years ago my 16 year old and I had a huge argument. It ultimately ended with her moving to my mothers. She never communicated with me where, from her point of view, our relationship took a downfall, so I spent two years in counseling to learn anything and everything I could about myself as a person, and as a mom. She only began to talk to me again when I learned it myself.
In 2014 I approached her and said, “I wasn’t your hero anymore, I was a screw up. And I let you down.” And she finally gave me me what I needed to hear.
“Mom, I know you didn’t mean to lose your job on purpose in the first place. But when when we lost our home and the car and moved, then moved again, then again but now with roommates, I lost everything I had, too. I lost friends, I had to spend my last two years in high school going to summer school to make up classes because I missed finals. Twice. And when you got roommates I lost my bedroom, I lost my privacy…” and as she went on, I learned no matter which decisions I made that I thought were the best I could do with what I had to work with at the time, decisions I made for myself and all 3 of my kids, I never stopped to think about what this was like to a 16 year old. I told myself she at least was old enough to understand financial hardships (as opposed to my two youngest). She’d ask me EVERYDAY to be at her boyfriend’s house, and ask if she can go out to dinner with his family. I always let her go. I thought she was just being 16! It was good for her to be doing fun and safe activities with her boyfriend! But I was very wrong.
She was there everyday because she couldn’t bare being at “home” anymore. Living in someone else’s condo was a constant reminder of all the stuff, material and otherwise, she didn’t have anymore. And now that I know the how, when, where, and why’s our relationship spiraled downward, I only wish she came to talk to me years ago about how she was feeling. But presently, our relationship is well, and she is now 19, has her own apartment, and working 3 jobs to keep up on her rent. Irony. We have both walked in each others’ shoes.
Now that I have shared that, and thank you all whom read, if I may get back to the original topic of how fear holds us back. So for me it’s this:
I am ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED TO SCREW UP AGAIN!
My other two younger kids I mentioned? They arent so young anymore. And they are both special needs kids so that alone adds in extra worries. And since I have already “been there, done that,” (for lack of a better term), I know what can happen. What started out as financial problems led to emotional problems as well. And when Kayla left to my mom’s, it ripped ALL FOUR OF US apart. I was left in a pit of depression and confusion, and still had 2 little ones to care for. I BARELY survived that experience the first time, and I wouldn’t survive it again.
My life right now is “stable.” I finally have a car again (took me five years), but we are still living in someone else’s home. I have the offer for us to stay with my aunt, so the kids and I can live in a much happier environment than we are now while I continue my steps for a brighter future. And I am SO GRATEFUL for her offer!
Then the fears come back…..
My kids have all the educators, psychologists, and therapists they need (as do I), so to put my foot out there and test the waters for something else scares the crap out of me. Compared to what we’ve been through the last few years, our lives right now being “stable” doesn’t seem so bad!
Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself so I don’t have to try, then possibly fail.
The last few months have been a mental nightmare, constantly replaying the WHAT-IF’s, and the over thinking EVERY decision I make.
My aunt tells me that I am such an open-minded person, I often don’t see what should be black and white decisions.
So here’s what I have done:
Instead of coasting day by day, I committed to change. I set a date of July 25th, and IMMEDIATELY it shifted my brain from NEGATIVE ‘WHAT IF’ scenarios, and turned them to POSITIVE GOALS I want to achieve.
I committed to the summer ASL (American Sign Language, my 4 year old is deaf) college course I enrolled in for the summer. My daughter is enrolled in a summer course as well for deaf and hard of hearing children.
On July 23rd we are done with our summer commitments, and on July 25th I TAKE THAT STEP, we leave town, and move into my aunt’s home. She’s supporting my choice for college to become an ASL translator, and getting support from others is something I need greatly right now during these life altering choices, so I don’t let my head get the best of me.
I apoolize for this lengthy story, but if my experiences helps even ONE PARENT our there who might be going through what I have, or if it stops them so they DON’T have to go through what I have, then this time spent sharing with all of you complete strangers helped not only myself (I clearly needed to talk today), but someone else as well, this so was time well spent.
Please wish the kids and I well, and I too send well wishes to you all!! May fears not get the better of us, and may we all be free to LIVE and live in happiness!
Blessed be….
Jamie <3 🙂
Adam Bates says
Hi Jamie. I’m Adam from England. I’ve come across this website completely by chance and I’m so glad I did because of your story. How you’ve managed to find the strength to take action where it would’ve been so easy to collapse is truly inspirational.
I’m wondering if you’d like to help me use the example of your action as inspiration for others who might be in a similar situation.
Would you mind dropping me an email at TheActionCoop[at]gmail.com so I can explain in more detail?
Many thanks, well done and all the best!
Adam 🙂
Rebecca @ Strength and Sunshine says
This is so spot on Carla! So beautifully written! You nailed those aspects perfectly!
Christina says
I read your posts faithfully and I share with friends and family regularly. They always seem to hit the spot every time!! This one this morning is so true.
The ruminating on the “what ifs”. It’s so challenging to just go with the motto that we only live once and to just try new things. I am in a new relationship that just happened. And it has evolved so naturally without words. And I am at the point of falling hard and deeper into this man, and my logical single independent woman thinking gets in the way, a lot….like I write lists for everything, I analyze everything and everyone in life so that I have a clear picture about every thing I may do. And this relationship did not develop with lists or even definitive boundaries or words. So the blanks are grey to me and leave me with the “what if” scenarios. And I don’t want to dwell on those because there is so much good in this relationship. Once I let go of the fear of the “what if” I can flow freely in this relationship. I know one thing, it feels good and no matter what, it is better to love hard and deep today rather than have regret for not trying!!
Tee says
Fantastic article! Unfortunately, facing your fears isn’t taught in school. I was a very shy person, grew up in very sheltered and religious home. I became a public speaker decades ago and slowly began to lose some of my fears. I am still working on how to better articulate and assert myself in a more positive and powerful way that i’m taken seriously by others.
Thank you for your informative artickes. It alkows you to clearky see a way out if the fog.
CARLA says
You make such a fabulous point too about the not being taught in school.
Our children need tools such as these in their belts –along with the traditional stuffs–as only with BOTH can they lead full, rich authentic lives.
cheryl says
But it IS being taught in schools…when is the last time you were in a classroom? I’ve been there almost 40 years. Parents need to help also!
Phoebe Butler says
Just what I needed to hear. I’m embarking on a new venture overseas, waiting for confirmation of investors and beginning the separation process from my husband. Self doubt and fear plagues my existence, the what ifs, and the need for plan B. I just need to be excited I think as I know things are moving forward, albeit slowly, and I need to surrender a bit to the process. There is no animosity between me and my husband I know our small boys will be happier, but I need to embrace this life change more, be happy and excited the opportunity exists. Thank you for reminding me x
CARLA says
YES!!
And here it helps me move through and past the fear to surrender to the process without attachment to the outcome.
CHALLENGING? Yes.
WORTH IT? YES YES.
good luck!
Moni says
Thank you. I needed this today. After years of emotional abuse, God finally gave me the strength to file for divorce. Although it’s been finalized for a few months now, my ex continues to bully me and use our children in attempts to gain control. He threatened to defame my name with my employer and his lawyer reached out to me regarding false accusations just yesterday. So the timing on this couldn’t have been better. Only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to one. This journey has been difficult yet extremely liberating. Your posts have given me strength and confirmation on days I allowed myself to have doubt so thank you for overcoming your fear of starting this blog because it is helping to change the lives of MANY! God bless you 🙂
cheryl says
I went through physical and emotional abuse also and it was such a relief when I finally kicked him out of the house and told him I didn’t need him anymore….I knew I had it in me, but I just needed someone to bring it out and now I thank him!
Dudley says
Fear has got me good right now. I have been on the emotional roller coaster of both grief by loosing my brother to cancer almost 1 year ago and loosing my job while being his caregiver.
Now I find myself wondering if I have what it takes to be successful again. Being 52 yrs old and looking for a new job has not proven to be very successful. I try to tackle my fears everyday,but may be loosing this battle.
Any suggestions?
Dudley
Carla says
First, my condolences on the loss of your brother.
I have not been in your specific situation but I have been in similar and can only share what worked for me then.
I did but it sounds like you are doing. I tried my best each day pushed past the fear as best I could and got up again the next. And tried again.
I made a list on paper – – and posted them around my house 🙂 – – of my past successes. Some of these past successes went decades back, but seeing them reminded me I had succeeded before, I could do it again, my fear was something I could conquer and I just needed to believe in myself.
Krizia says
The fear of not being able to make it, what will people say, what they will think of me, if i can really manage it or if i have what it takes…the fear cripples me and hinders me from celebrating what I have now…:(
Tami says
I am so glad I read this. I am paralyzed by fear. I have never really known fear, I was always confident and trusting. I was always happy and enjoyed life. I have know what it is to struggle and work hard for what you want, but I never fell to fear. 5 yrs ago I was diagnosed with a very rare form of stomach cancer and this fear has to this day paralyzes me. It’s a vague sense of fear something hard to explain. I have hidden myself away from the world thinking to myself what has happened to me. I am a different person and I can’t even talk about it. I have 7 children and I long for the mother i was. I am in constant wait and see mode. I have been told this type of cancer will return and you need to be aware of this and call if you experience any new pain. It’s like I am waiting for when that day will come and am trying to prepare for it. And in the meantime I am failing to fully live. I want my life back. The life cancer stripped me of. Thanks for sharing this.
Carla says
Again, I cannot pretend to know how you feel–but I can encourage you try baby steps toward being the woman and mother you used to be.
Journal (who were you? what did that look like? what did it feel like to live fear-free??)
Fake it till you make it (how did the FEARLESS you behave? react? pretend to be that woman).
And more than anything give it time and be KIND to yourself.
xo
Lisa @ RunWiki says
So many great tips. I’m naturally an anxious person, and if my fear is left on its own with no management, it can wreak havoc in my life. Having tips like the ones Carla provided are key to a more productive peaceful life.
Brianne says
Such a powerful post. Thank you for sharing this!
Tracy Natiom says
Great discussion today. While in law school decades ago, funding ALL expenses with student loans, I was fearful. I knew that I was a decent student in HS and college. But I did not recall studying very much. I was surrounded by students who were much more well read and ahead of me in many ways. So, I used my fear of being a less than mediocre student and thus poor, to fuel my path: I studied very hard and developed a schedule and system that worked for me. If I had a little fear creeping in, I could easily pick up my outline and know I had prepared that and I knew it was thorough. I knew I put the hours. If I had a lingering question. I would ask another, sometimes a Professor. Thus when I put the books down to go out, I had fun. No fear I should not be having fun. Well, my managing my fear worked well. I was no 4 in my first year! What? Me? I used that method throughout my law school. They system worked. Graduated with honors. Passed the Bar Exam. I already had an offer with a blue chip law firm. Wow was that fear present. No 1, I was reminded those kids that went to top ten schools read the same books. I did very well in school with my system. So No 2, I used my system but modified it a bit AND I worked my butt off, just like law school. If a lawyer beat me in court, it was due to the facts ; not because I got out-lawyered. To break it down, I was always prepared. That managed anxieties.
To the Tami and all cancer survivors, including me -a two timer- I hope you can find the silver linings as they are there, and I hope you can let go of the fear it will return and live with joy every day. I refuse to let something that may not happen and if so it might be 15 years later, to interfere with living with joy each day. Perhaps a support group would help. My view on faith is a big help.
Good luck all.
Carla says
Tracy–nothing to add but wanted to echo your smart insightful words (and harness them for myself):
I was always prepared. That managed anxieties.
Thanks so much for chiming in,
Carla
AmS says
It feels like your post was meant for me today. Right now, I am full of fear. I have been wanting to make a HUGE life change for years now but I chose to wait until my youngest child graduated from high school. That just happened. I KNOW that what I want to do needs to be done. I are terrified of taking that next step to make what I want come true. In making what I want to happen, I am going to hurt family and that’s what is keeping me from finally telling my spouse I want a divorce. That’s what is holding me back, I don’t want to hurt anyone, but on the flip side, I’m hurting myself staying in a marriage I don’t want to be in. Like a previous poster mentioned, you “just know”, I’ve known for years but have waited for my children. Now it’s time but that fear is holding me back.
Holden Seguso says
Fear…. the realization that facing it is the secret to life. This is an excellent and authentic article that is greatly relatable. Just to share my 2 cents i’d like to describe how I face fear. Like you said in the article that fear at time renders you immobile. Whenever i’m in any situation that causes fear to arise I gently push against it and hold my ground. As long as I don’t run away from it, the outcome does not matter. Just the fact that one did not give in in the face of fear means the battle has one. Then following the experience whether the external outcome was successful or not, I bit of courage is granted to me as a gift. Therefore, next time an even greater fear can be faced :)…. Anyway, great article and thanks for sharing!
Natalie says
I love finding signs when I truly need them! Thanks for the article, the timing is perfect!
Jen says
Thanks for your post! I found it helpful and reassuring. 🙂
Debra says
With me fear and excitement have always gone hand in hand. Sometimes fear has won out, but the older I get, excitement wins hands down! Whew!
Lauren says
Love this post! I am an overthinker and tend to stress about every little thing. I have finally learned to let go of a little bit and just let things happen the way they are supposed to. It’s important to take steps to break the cycle and push away the stress!
Annabelle says
Fear? Everyday I live in fear. Fear of succeeding… Fear of trying and failing… Fear that my kids will make fun of me. I lost myself – my courage – my being me when I became a Mom. Things I never would have blinked at before myself becoming a Mom …. now make me close my eyes! I wish I had the support in myself to forge ahead and finish the dreams I always had.
Carla says
Oh I completely understand what you are saying as well.
Motherhood is amazing and amazingly terrifying and isolating at the same time.
I really harness the power of my social media friends when I feel isolated and cannot emphasize enough how sharing has helped me realize so many others feel fear as I do.
Did?
Hopefully soon JUST did 🙂
Paige @ Your Trainer Paige says
I always say the cure to fear is ACTION. It’s the complete opposite of what I *want* to do, but it ends up helping me get over my fear! Great article, Carla!
Christine says
Recently, I’ve found that focusing less on breaking the cycle of fear and allowing fear has brought about significant positives in my life. So often I jumped straight into action thinking fear was something I needed to eradicate. Now I see it as a welcoming friend reminding me to check in with the direction of my life. So I’ve sat with it, listened to it before I moved forward in a direction most aligned with my true self.
cheryl says
Just wrote a post on this today…to my dad for Father’s Day. I never had nor have fear of much. I can thank my parents for that- the only thing holding me back from going anywhere and trying new things is time/money. Just entered my 125th triathlon…a difficult hilly one with a cold lake water swim and I. Can’t. Wait.!
habaasa says
I have been filled with fear every day for the past few months. Now it’s time to change that. Great post!
Valerie says
Imposter syndrome…I’m fighting that right now with this new job. In 20-plus years in this field, I’ve never felt that I’m as competent as others seem to think I am. I have this feeling that I’m somehow running a scam on everyone and every day brings the fear that they’ll figure that out. It’s absurd really…but it’s there.
Realizing how much worse it had gotten was one of the main motivations for taking the new job, though. I realized that if I stayed where I was, my self-respect would only continue to decline while my fear would thrive. So I feel like I’ve turned a corner by acting instead of staying frozen in fear. But it’s definitely a daily battle to stay thrilled with the opportunity and the challenge and not let the fear take over…
Pamela Hernandez says
Travel has helped. When you’re only in a place for a short time you have to embrace each opportunity. Fear just leaves sitting at the hotel. 🙂
Jenn says
Fear has kept me in a dysfunctional somewhat abusive marriage that should have ended 3 years ago, if not much much earlier than that. Fear of not being able to make it on my own. Fear of not being good enough for my children on my own. Fear of losing my children. Fear of a million different things, some rational concerns and some completely impossible. I’ve been so afraid that instead of divorce I have hid in my bedroom, 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, 90% of the time that I’m home… forcing my children to do the same thing if they want to be with me (and they do…so now in a 3 bedroom two story duplex the 3 of us “live” in a single bedroom for the past year as things continued to spiral down.
Tuesday I filed for divorce. I’m still afraid. I’m still not happy. But I can see the light at the other end of the tunnel. I dont think I’m good enough for much these days, still afraid to put myself out there socially (not dating, but friends dont exist in my world right now) but atleast I’m tackling this fear of being on my own, with 3 kids to support. This article really helped me this morning because my whole life is wrapped up in fear anymore… fear of his anger, of his action, of more betrayals, of being alone, wasting my life this way, the list goes on. But its a brand new day and I’m ready to start…
Carla says
IT IS A NEW DAY.
You’ve got this.
We’ve got this…
cheryl says
First thing…get a job and be financially free of this guy.
Amanda says
Great timing for me! With my mission trip a little over a week away, I am finding my enthusiasm being replaced by fear. I keep reminding myself that I’ll be fine, that I can do this, but I admit I am fearful that I will make a mess of this trip! I’m going to reread this post all next week.
Lisa Froman says
Yes, fear….I know it well. I like your advice; thanks for the reminders of ways we can manage it.
J says
Wonderful thoughts!!
Except, please give Eleanor Roosevelt credit for the quote of hers you used.
It’s been one of my favorites since high school.
cheryl says
Good observations!
Meg Root says
“Fear puts your excitement on pause.” Now that is a tweet-able moment! Helpful, hopeful post.
Karen @Baking In A Tornado says
The best tool we have to combat fear is support. Whether it’s from our tribe or professional assistance, it’s about reaching out.
Paula Kiger says
Great thoughts! I have to read this when I have more time but I can tell it is going to be helpful! 🙂
Carolann says
Love this post! Fear is such a topic to cover because not many folks like to talk much about it either. I have a favorite quote I recite to myself when I’m afraid. It’s from the movie Dune – “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
You gave us so many awesome pointers about fear. Sharing this post! Thanks so much.
Neethu says
I am currently preparing for a highly coveted role that I would really like as a graduate. My interview is tomorrow, all through today, and the rest of this week, I have been thinking about this situation too much. I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with the almost inevitable ‘Unsuccessful’ email I’ll receive after the interview.
Lane says
Great post, great timing. I have been fighting “fear paralysis” for months now. Giving up a great career, home and leaving NYC after 7 years of building a life here has been wrecking me. I know I’m not happy in this city or working 100 hour weeks w/ never being “off”, but I don’t know who I am without my career. Taking the time to figure that out is terrifying. Getting rid of all of my material things to be more “nomadic” is overwhelming. I don’t doubt the decision but fear of change is making the process painful instead of positive. Ill probably come back to this article daily until I can get myself on that plane…
cherylann says
I just signed up and jumped in…(and I HAD to do things for myself as I lived across the country away from my family, raising my own, working full time and being a single mom)- so I just DID things without much thought. $ had to be made, bills had to be paid, kids had to be fed and clothed…etc. etc. So HAVING to support myself, do home repairs and juggle things I applied that to my ability to challenge myself in things such as swimming from Alcatraz, running up and down Pikes Peak, across the Grand Canyon, whitewater rafting, etc. Jump In.
Dianne says
Has anyone out there tried to face reality and unlearn a lifetime of fear for the first time in her life at 81 years of age? Can it be done?
Very small support system except an exceptional and loving daughter.
Worried Student says
Fear has overcome me. I am a surgical technologist student and I feel like I wont succeed based on what I was by my instructors that I wasn’t making progress like my other classmates and i said to myself what if I’m not good enough to make it, I made it this far is it time for me to just give up and save myself from further failure, I don’t have the desire to wake up every morning to go to clinical rotations I just wanna get the week over and done with…