“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
The wisest, most loving, and well-rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have been shattered by heartbreak. Yes, life creates the greatest humans by breaking them first. Their destruction into pieces allows them to be fine-tuned and reconstructed into a masterpiece. Truly, it’s the painstaking journey of falling apart and coming back together that fills their hearts and minds with a level of compassion, understanding, and deep loving wisdom that can’t possibly be acquired any other way.
Angel and I have worked with hundreds of these incredible people over the past decade, both online and offline, through various forms of coaching, side projects, and our live annual conferences. In many cases they came to us feeling stuck and lost, unaware of their own brilliance, blind to the fact that their struggles have strengthened them and given them a resilient upper hand in this crazy world. Honestly, many of these people are now our biggest heroes. Over the years they have given us as much, if not more, than we have given them. And they continue to be our greatest source of inspiration on a daily basis.
So today, to honor these unlikely heroes of ours, we want to share some of their stories with you (with full permission, of course). Following a similar format to the stories shared in our previous article, these are super short but incredibly focused accounts of real life, real heartbreak, and the human resilience required to take the next step. There’s definitely something here for all of us to think, smile and cry about:
- “It’s December 25th, but today isn’t Christmas, at least not for me. Christmas doesn’t come when you’re sitting in a hospital room hoping your wife of 25 years wakes up from a coma. And although the doctors are optimistic, I’m still here praying, and waiting, patiently.”
- “Today, after my daughter’s funeral, and several hours of tearful soul-searching, I started going through my phone and deleting two weeks’ worth of condolence messages. There were so many of them that I eventually selected ‘delete all,’ but one message didn’t delete. It was one of the last messages my daughter left me before she died, and it was still marked as ‘new.’ Sometimes my voicemail forces me to listen to old messages before I can delete them, so played it, even though I really didn’t want to at that moment. My daughter said, “Hey dad, I just wanted to let you know I’m okay and I’m home now.”
- “It’s been exactly ten years since my controlling, abusive ex-fiancé sold my favorite guitar which cost almost $1,000 and took me ages to save for. He sold it on the day I broke up with him. When I went to pick up my belongings, he was proud that he had sold it to a local pawnshop. Luckily, I managed to track down the guy who bought it from the pawnshop. The guy was really sweet and gave it back to me for free, on the condition that I join him on his front porch for an hour and play guitar with him. He grabbed a second guitar and we ended up sitting there on his porch for the rest of the afternoon playing music, talking, and laughing. He’s been my husband for almost nine years now, and we are happier now than ever.”
- “Last night just before bed, my son, whom I adopted three years ago at the age of six, called me ‘mom’ for the very first time.”
- “Earlier this week I went to the doctor’s office because I was experiencing awful stomach pains. They ran some tests, took blood, and told me they’d contact me in a few days. I assumed the pain was at least partially due to stress and depression. Three weeks ago, at the age of 35, my husband, the love of my life, died from a heart attack. And this afternoon I almost gave up. I took out my husband’s handgun, put it on the kitchen table and stared at it, contemplating. As I sat there, the phone rang, it was the doctor. He said, “You’re perfectly healthy. You’re pregnant.”
- “It took years, but when I finally found the courage to divorce him after decades of abuse, I found myself feeling alone because most of our mutual friends continued to believe his lies instead of my bruises and my depression.”
- “I recently lost the respect of a few people I love, and the desire to kill myself, when I finally told everyone the truth about who I really am and what I’ve decided to do with my life. In a nutshell, I’ve chosen to love and honor myself, instead of convincing others to do it for me every day.”
- “Today, on my 47th birthday, I re-read the suicide letter I wrote on my 27th birthday about two minutes before my girlfriend showed up at my apartment and told me, ‘I’m pregnant.’ She was honestly the only reason I didn’t follow through with it. Suddenly I felt I had something to live for. Today she’s my wife, and we’ve been happily married for 19 years. And my daughter, who is now a 21-year-old college student, has two younger brothers. I re-read my suicide letter every year on my birthday as a reminder to be thankful—I am thankful I got a second chance at life.”
- “It’s been five years since my mom—my best friend in the world—was in a car accident that resulted in her losing all of her long-term memory from before the crash. When I was little, my mom and I used to quote a Winnie The Pooh book as an inside joke. One of us would ask, “Have you ever seen a dragon fly?” And the other would reply, ‘I have, I have seen a dragon fly!’ This evening I was sitting with her while we were watching TV and I randomly asked, ‘Have you ever seen a dragon fly?’ And she responded with, ‘I have, I have seen a dragon fly!’ We stared at each other for a prolonged moment, and then she jumped out of her seat and exclaimed, ‘Oh my gosh, I remember!’”
- “I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
- “My dad is a blind cancer survivor. He lost both his eyes when he was in his early 30’s to a rare form of cancer. Despite this, he raised my sister and I, and took care of my mom who was in and out of rehab for alcoholism and depression. My mom is a fully recovered alcoholic now, my sister and I have graduated college, and my parents are still together and back to being happy. I’m certain none of this would have been possible if my dad hadn’t been such a resilient, positive force in our lives. My dad’s mental strength literally saved our family. And he’s the one who pointed me towards your blog.”
- “I’m an Iraq and Afghanistan veteran. Upon arriving home six years ago from my final tour in Afghanistan I found out that my wife had been cheating on me and had spent almost all of our savings. I had nowhere to stay and no phone and was suffering from severe anxiety problems. One of my close friends from high school, Shawn, and his wife, seeing that I was in need of help, took me in and let me live with their family of five. They helped me deal with my divorce and get my life together. Since then, I’ve moved into my own place, completed the Getting Back to Happy course, opened a fairly successful local diner, and my friend’s kids call me Uncle Jay when they see me. The way they supported me and adopted me into their family in my desperate time of need is now the guidepost for how I try to live my life.”
- “The happiest moment of my life is still that split-second a year ago when, as I laid crushed under a 2000-pound car, I realized my husband and nine-year-old boy were out of the vehicle and absolutely okay.”
- “I’ve been dying of Leukemia since my 17th birthday. I was sent home from the hospital for my final few weeks 156 days ago. But now I’m back at the hospital being treated again, because my doctors now believe there is hope.”
- “After three years of separation, and lots of regretful drama, my ex-wife and I finally resolved our differences and we met for dinner last night. We laughed and chatted for almost five hours. Then just before we parted ways, she handed me a large envelope. In it were 20 love letters she wrote me over the last three years. There was a post-it note on the envelope that read, ‘Letters I was too stubborn to send.’ And even crazier is that I wrote her a few letters too, and I still have them … and we just got two tickets to Think Better, Live Better, together.”
- “Yesterday, after completing eight straight months of depression rehab at a live-in treatment center, I spent my first day out with my five-year-old daughter. We sat on my parent’s front porch all day making construction paper collages. The sight and sound of my daughter’s laughter and the simple pleasures of cutting construction paper and peeling Elmer’s glue off our hands are the best reminders I’ve had in eight months of why I’m choosing life.”
- “I realized that although it was the darkest period of my life, if I had not struggled through, and beaten, seven years of an eating disorder and severe depression, I would not be here now smiling so appreciatively at the sunset through my living room window.”
- “At 8 A.M. this morning, after nearly four months of lifelessness in her hospital bed, we took my mom off life support. And her heart continued beating on its own. And she continued breathing on her own. Then this evening, when I squeezed her hand three times, she squeezed back three times.”
- “This afternoon, at the age of 70, I graduated from The University of North Carolina with a bachelor’s degree in business. I’ve been a successful business owner most of my life, but I decided to earn my degree to fulfill a promise I made to my mom before she lost her battle with cancer on my 20th birthday, 50 years ago.”
- “Last night, on Christmas Eve, there was a family of six staying at our hotel. They were hanging out in the lobby by the fireplace sharing stories, laughing, and taking turns reading excerpts from your book. I asked them where they were from. ‘Oh, we’re from here,’ the father said. ‘Our house burned down yesterday, but miraculously, all of us got out safely. And that makes this a very merry Christmas.’”
A Reason for Hard Times
The stories above obviously hold many lessons, but one lesson they collectively share is the fact that hard times don’t just break a person, they can also make a person.
Hard times are like strong storms that blow against your body and mind. And it’s not just that these storms hold you back from places you might otherwise go. They also tear away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn, so that afterward you see yourself as you really are in the present, without the needless attachments and crutches you’ve been clinging to.
In a very real sense, you are here to endure these storms, to risk your heart . . . to be bruised by life. And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned. Tell yourself how amazing the journey has been, and then remind yourself that pain is a necessary part of it all.
In all seasons of life, your goal shouldn’t be to seek a perfect and pain-free existence, but to live an imperfect and sometimes painful one in radical amazement. To get up every morning and take a good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is extraordinary in its own right. Every day is a gift. Never treat life casually. To be spiritual in any way is to be amazed in every way, even when things don’t go YOUR way.
And it’s important to note, too, that Angel and I don’t just preach. We’ve endured our own pain, survived our own strong storms, and learned from firsthand experience many times over. In the past decade alone we have dealt with several severe hardships, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, significant betrayal from a business partner, an unexpected breadwinning employment layoff that forced us out of our house, and more. These experiences were brutal. Each of them knocked us down hard and kept us down for a while. But when our time of mourning was over after each misfortune, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
Your turn…
If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from you.
In a few short sentences, please leave a comment below and tell us something true about YOU.
What is your story?
Also, our next annual Think Better, Live Better conference is taking place February 10-11, 2018 in San Diego. Two discounted early bird tickets are still available today (while they last).
Carla says
My story: The note he left beside my bed last night read, “Even though you’re suffering through the absolute worst pain you have ever felt, you are the most beautiful person I know, even in the moments you feel you are your worst. The chemo and radiation will end, but my love never will. I just want you to know that.”
Marc & Angel, it’s his love combined with the emotional support I’ve received from you through your course, coaching, and blog posts/emails over the past 15 months that has gotten me through the hardest days. I just want you both to know that. Thank you.
Rick Tresse says
Wow guys! This post and its stories are truly moving. Your emails are always worth opening and reading, but the one today that contained a link to this article was one of the best ones yet!
And I’ll add a story of my own:
Last weekend I dressed up as Santa for a Christmas themed bar crawl in New York. All the children I passed on the streets loved my costume. But then a little girl probably about age nine walked up to me in the early evening and asked, “Santa, will you grant me a wish?” I said, “Yes.” She smiled and said, “I really wish I didn’t have AIDS anymore.” My heart is still breaking for her.
Megan F. says
My 84-year-old dad died last week. As I was crying and telling my mom how sorry I am, she said, “Let’s stop being so sad and instead celebrate the 84 amazing years he was alive, 63 of which he spent with me.”
That’s my most recent story. My mom’s words really changed my perspective and made me feel better.
And M&A, your work—blog, book, teachings, etc.—often have a similar effect on me. This post is proof of that, again—my perspective is changed. Thank you for sharing these stories and lessons, and I look forward to meeting you both in San Diego next Feb. at your Think Better conference.
Joan G. says
I had two failed marriages with men who betrayed and belittled me and then married a man who changed my whole life with his joy in life. When he died suddenly from heart disease, my whole world ended. I didn’t think I could survive. We had a bitter, cold, snowy winter the year he died and It matched the pain in my soul. But I came to realize that my estranged birth family was my rock foundation and they helped me through and my strong belief that God wanted me to find love again eventually led me to my current husband who loves me unconditionally and brings me much joy and happiness. We’ve been married 11 wonderful years.
Sindy says
Hi M&A,
I simply wanted to say how grateful I am to those who chose not to give up on me. Thank you from the bottom of my ??
?
Tanya says
Two years ago my parents had 50th wedding anniversary. We had a beautiful party for them with lots of signing, dancing, and laughing. Next morning my dad was walking the puppy in the back yard and died from the heart attack. I found him laying there and he was gone. The whole family was in shock. and we were told by many people that may be this is the best way to go, after a fun time with the loved ones. May be they are right.
Amit Roy says
Around 7 years back I was in a relationship with a girl, and our relationship went well for one year until I came to know that she was cheating on me which completely broke me. It was very good time when we were in relation. After broke up, that incident put me in complete disaster and I was under ton of depression and sadness. It took lots of time for me to somehow recover that situation but I lost faith on girls and love. But day by day gradually I concluded myself that all girls are not same and started to gain the faith in love relation but was afraid to get in a new relation again. But in recent days I started liking a girl and fell in love with her. But I could not event gather guts to tell her, somehow I managed to text her to start chatting with her. But she is not even bother to reply my text. I am afraid that again that time is coming that will again break my heart and push me to the depressed and frustrated situation, as I love her so much that I can’t even imagine a life without her, and I don’t want to loss her. Don’t know what to do, please suggest me.
don says
just love yourself.. the rest will follow
Patsy Phillips says
You mentioned she never replied to your text; obviously, she is not interested. There is a big difference between LOVE AND INFATUATION! I have BEEN THERE! It is very difficult to go through and you will need to talk with someone who can explain the differences that I mentioned above. I LIVED; YOU WILL TOO! BEST WISHES! 🙂
Henry says
Go get a copy of “The Rational Man”, before the next harpy kills you.
Janet says
Last year, two days before Christmas, my husband of 41 years was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer with metastasis to his bones. The man never smoked a day in his life. The first oncologist basically said there was nothing to do, could try chemo but it usually isn’t successful with his type of cancer. We sought out a second opinion who said targeted therapy could help. No promises and even if it did work no predicting for how long. Here we are a few days short of the initial diagnosis and he is still feeling fine. We just returned from our youngest son’s wedding where Ron did a reading and danced the night away. Who knows what the future holds, but in the meantime it’s living life to the fullest!
Dave says
I am sorry to hear about your situation.
Go to The Truth about Cancer.com for some good information.
Patricia Harris says
I am currently going through a divorce. A divorced that I tried to prevent by trying to be the loving wife, I thought my husband needed. We have a 3 year old daughter and it pains me sometimes to know that my husband has her around his girlfriend whom was also his mistress. This is the second separation for us because of the same woman but this time is different. It’s different because I am looking forward to my new life. I am looking forward to this growth.
I used to think it wasn’t growth, it was breakage. It was an ending of my life but no longer. It is my new beginning. I loved my husband but my love wasn’t enough to get him to stop his lies and cheating. So I had to walk away. Walking away was hard and sometimes it still is but I am now the best person, I have ever been.
I am me again. I lost myself and that was the worst really of this whole situation. Yes, I want my daughter to be happy and yes I wanted my family to stay together but I mostly want to be able to recognize myself.
Well, I have 3 more months until my divorce and I am content and happy about my decision. No, I don’t want to stop being the loving person I am not do I not want love again. But when it comes I don’t want to lose me just to love someone else.
Marc and Angel, your messages are poignant in so many ways and I am grateful for the written LOVE!
Patsy Phillips says
BEAUTIFULLY STATED!
Henry says
Beautifully written, with all the agony and despair. I feel it helps to have a place where you can get things out, and begin to let go. This is a good place for that. To you, and those who have faced this horrific betrayal, time to go to work on yourself. I was helped by a book call “Love Is Never Enough”, by A.Beck. Peace.
Wesley Firkin says
I suffer from morning depression. Every day I get up between 6-6:30am and by 7:15-7:30am I am literally sitting at my desk crying and wanting to end my life, (although I won’t end my life because I have a ton to live for…it is just the thought that invades my mind in the morning and throughout the day). I force my self to write in my journal the people and things I am grateful for and what I want to accomplish and ask God for help. I have strong faith. I just can’t make sense out of thinking about how I am deep down a very good person with all the best intentions but I keep running into (or perhaps creating) huge problems that totally derail my life. I can’t tell if these problems are part of God’s plan or just punishment (consequences of my poor decisions). The solutions to my problems seem clear to me, (resolving problems with my wife whom I have been trying to divorce for 6 years, and problems with an X business partner, and becoming more successful in my business/career). I am 40, healthy (just ran my 7th marathon in 4hrs 9 mins), my children (girl 10, girl 7, boy 5) are happy healthy and safe with their mother, my parents are both living (77 and 75 married 50+ years and support me financially), I am head over heals in love with a gorgeous woman who loves me back and we have been dating for 7+ months and I would love to resolve my problems….get a strong base and control of my life and hopefully marry her when the time is right (when I know I am over whatever it is that is causing my major depression, thoughts of suicide, and inability to succeed and not self destruct time and time again).
Sybot says
Yes, of course, life strikes you with a brick on your head. It hurts a lot, it pains too, it does bleed, but if you are a fighter then stand up again, lift your head up, expend your chest with iron-horse stance. Stare directly into the eyes of life. And say loudly, “I have nerves of steel and a body of concrete.”
Have Faith in you, Be Strong,
You are a diamond and life is a trimmer.
Diamond only sparkles when it is trimmed.
And even then if you really want to console your sad heart.
See someone who is more in pain than you are.
GRATITUDE IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS
PEACE
(If you like my comment. Do reply me.)
Laura Faught says
Hello, first off I want to say thank-you M&A for all the wonderful emails!! And also to all those who you have helped along the way with they’re stories and reply’s. This is my first time commenting. All the emails touch me in some way but this one especially is, I guess you could say an eye opener for me. I’m a 44 year old woman who has always seemed to end up in life’s chaos. I’m grateful that I’m not physically ill in any way but have struggled my whole life from past childhood abuse leaving me with severe anxiety/depression. Medication has never helped and I do not believe it is something needed. I’m coming out of an extremely emotionally abusive relationship and after reading your post am having many “aha” moments. I truly believe for the first time ever in my life that the best of my life is somewhere around the corner. I’m looking at things differently than I have ever been able to before. Many huge positive life changes are happening in my life now. I’m ready and feeling like the old me for the past 44 years is finally becoming the me that will love, laugh and live for the rest of it. Never to old to live your best life!!!!! Thanks so much again to everyone and their beautiful life changing stories. May we all find peace xoxo
Karen says
I know just how you feel. I have commented further on down on my own epiphany. I am nearly 60 and realise fully that it is not true that I am inferior to others and therefore not good enough, that it is not true that I am horrible, that it is not true that I am to blame. I realise now that I thought I should be perfect and of course, when I fell short I berated myself endlessly. Like you I was abused as a child, but it has no relevance now, any more than the opinion of a manipulator. Good Luck.
Harriet says
Thank you so much for your Emails, they are really great and keep me on my feet all the time. They have and are still teaching me to believe in myself. Thank you so much for the good work.
Jane S Williamson says
I don’t know my true self..been looking for over 65 years. I think I am broken.
Suzi says
You are not broken Jane, we are all just a little bit damaged and if there were no cracks in the glass, the light would not get in. Blessings to you x
Debi says
On the day that my husband was told he was cancer free we went out to dinner to celebrate. We preferred oysters on the half shell and my husband found a small pearl in the oyster. It was at that moment that I knew the universe was giving us a gift. That was five years ago and all is well.
Michael Virly says
I’m really glad that I got this email today and opened it, for today i turned 50. Half a century gone and looking back I suffered through depression, anxieties, suicide thoughts but I also have good memories of times gone by. So today I promise to myself that I’m going to keep concentrating on those good memories, and create more cause tomorrow is another day.
Jerry Thao says
I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for your emails. They always give me hope and faith. To never give up.
Thank you for the inspiration and motivation.
Dolores says
Your conclusion is true, but I hate it. I’m 73 and have spent most of my life seeking truth and healing for the brokenness I suffered as a result of a violent,verbally abusive alcoholic father, and sexual abuse by an uncle. I’ve learned that I am a Highly Sensitive Person and an “empath” (not the psychic kind), and that life is far more painful for people like me than it is for “normal” people because when I see or even hear about violence that someone (or even an animal) has suffered, I feel like it happened to me. I have wished that I had never been born since I was a teen and vowed never to have children (and I did not have any, and have no regrets). What I have learned and believe is that the pain and suffering in life is NECESSARY, and that life is a transformational process that will have eternal compensation that will be more than worth the suffering we have to go through…but I still wish I had never been born.
Debbie says
Delores,
After reading your comment this morning, I am crying for the pain that just snuck up on me. I too was abused as a child with my father beating me. All my adult life I never blamed him, because early on I realized he was a broken man. However I have become a very sensitive person, responding in negative ways to people who disregard me as a fellow human being like my father did. During these negative responses I would try to explain my reaction over all these years and people would basic tell me to just buck up,
why do you let it bother you so much etc… etc…It made me think I really had a problem.
This aha moment has given me hope that now that I know why, I can respond in a better way. Although I don’t know how yet, I can work on it. They say knowledge is power. I feel as if I just had a therapy session with a huge breakthrough. Thank you for sharing your story.
Debbie
Henry says
We are not put on this Earth to wallow in suffering. Nuts to the Buddhists’ Noble Truth the Life Is Suffering. We know better now.
You, and every single person was put here for a grand experiment. We are here to evolve. Or Not. Life will break you to nothing if you let it. Break, put the pieces back together. Find the Glue.
Otherwise, you will have to go around the same merry-go-round over and over. No Fun.. I am 67, and from a similar background as you, never got the tools, love, care or anything that would help me survive. I’ve been broken physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Each time I found my way forward. I never said that it was easy.
The first thing you MUST DO is Give Up Your Suffering. Reach Out for the Light, you WILL be helped.
Knowledge without wisdom is like water on the sand, useless.
You are in the right place here. Connect to your true self,
Namaste
Karen says
I have been easy to manipulate throughout my whole life, and after just being used and dumped by someone who I now realise is a narcissist and who is capable of great punishment by using emotionally cruelty, I can finally see that he is the problem and not me. I can see now how I “fell” for his criticisms and inferences (as with others in the past) and how I have let these run my life and damage my esteem long term. I can see how most of my anguish has come from not believing I was beautiful and sweet and kind and good (I am all these things) and therefore I needed other people’s approval, usually from people who manipulated me. Ha, Ha, was I ever going to get it? Of course not. It is just today that I saw through all this, I saw through myself, and realised I was taking it personally, and that I am not the mean one, they are. I wish I could tell him this as he thinks he has hurt me, but I am not, and I now believe that he is the hurt one. Does this make sense. I feel really good about myself.
Morgan says
Yes, Karen. Your response makes perfect sense. I have been in-love with a narcissistic man for over a decade. This whole time, I thought something was wrong with me. But, I have finally discovered that it is not me, it is him. And now, I can put it into words what he is…a narcissistic man. It taking some time to really understand that I have to let him go but, I am doing it, day by day. And I also am trying not to take it personal because he has treated every woman in his life, the same way. I’ve chosen to look towards the future and not the past. And I too, am feeling more and more better about myself.
Henry says
Congrats on seeing through to illusion. First Step. I lived over 60 years just as you, I never got the Love from my birth family. Went looking Outside Myself for it. The predators can sense this implicitly, and latch right on.
Now at 67 I have let go of that vibe. I know boundaries are an overused term, but for empathetic people, they are a life or death deal. Love Yourself. Create boundaries that work for you. I don’t think we can do this for ourselves, at first. Smeone has to show us, like training wheels.
You are in the right place here. Peace.
Gretchen says
In early July my husband was fine. Working out, working, loving life. In mid July he was told that without treatment for 9 brain tumors he would be gone in 2-3 months or less. He made it just over 4 months, and took his last breath 4 weeks ago. He lived more in those 4 months than many do in a lifetime, and his caringbridge story has changed lives. He did not WANT to die but he wasn’t afraid. My sons and I are forever changed by his journey. Our journey. Live each day to the fullest. Treat people well. Enjoy the love and beauty all around. Keep it simple. RIP Mark <3
Ene J says
Thanks so much M & A. I really do appreciate the efforts you’ve taken to pin down all the life transforming emails and blog posts. And today’s mail- the bomb. I couldn’t restrain myself from typing this.
I am a wife and mother of 2 gorgeous sons. I got married immediately after graduation from the law school and 4 years after I feel stuck and lost about my career.
This year in particular is been a very trying one. However, My family and friends are in good health and perfect mind.
Thanks for the reminder. Gratitude and a persistent spirit it is then.
Amy says
This is SPECTACULAR! You always know when to send particular emails. Please, keep it up!
Rachael says
All I can say ..is thank you for this post.
I am spending Christmas alone this year. I had a chance to go to L.A. to have it with my roommates family. But, I find with all the sad layers that I built around myself that are now melting away (I thank you for part of that journey with your course.) That I just want a peaceful day to celebrate what Christmas means to me and “just be.”
Helimar says
Thanks to all your advices and stories, I love to read them and I have bought the book and still listening to it. I am going thrue a divorce that I never expected, imagined from a cheating husband who I believed was perfect. I realise now it was my fault I had so many expectations on him. I am also grateful that I am no longer being lied to or cheated on. I love your phrase from the book.
It`s always better to be slapped by the truth tan kissed with a lie.
FYI I am a brazilian living in Paraguay (South America) just wanted to share how far you guys are going. This is awesome.
GRATITUDE
Laura Noe says
My brother was homeless for 25 years. His mental illness detached him from reality and family. For nine years I didn’t see or hear from him, and I didn’t know where he was. Our dad was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer in January 2015 and I sent out messages to everyone I knew. Two days after dad’s funeral, I received a text telling me where my brother was…he was 47 miles away. I drove over the next morning, eulogy in hand, and found him, and just wept. Since then he has been hospitalized and released, medicated, found housing, celebrated his 50th birthday, traveled out of the country to Montreal for the the first time…and just got a job! Hope! You can never give up on people.
UK resident says
Marc and Angel I am thankful for your precious words of wisdom, comfort and deep empathy. Your words carry ancient wisdom that is truly soul healing and soul wounds are deeper than spirit wounds. Deep indeed, to the essence of self.
Imagine a child, raised in middle class family, with four siblings. Father belittled his only daughter, calling her a boy that no one would love. A moron, ugly, disgusting. Her four brothers were treated the same.
Mother was distant, uninterested in her children’s pain. Worked night shift. Religion underpinned family life. And hypocrisy.
All kinds of abuse was perpetrated in that ‘home’
Mother died early. The father left. Siblings had nothing to keep them together. No family. No love. Only rejection. One sibling dead from alcohol abuse. Two siblings so shameful cannot be written. Two survivors. Outwardly successful. No contact. Scarred, emotionally wounded. Married to a man just like my father and helpless to leave.
My story in a nutshell.
Thank you M&C for your amazing healing post today. Your words sooth and strengthen a broken spirit.
Barry Hoffman says
My wife and soulmate of 13 years endured 4 months in a hospital, two medically induced comas, the amputation of both her hands and feet. At three and an half months, she was working as hard as she could to prepare for the use of her prosthetic devices. I knew her life would never be the same. She did not survive the third coma.. Although left with a scar on my soul, I know there is peace and a meaning to the loss of her life within. It has now only been a month and a half since her passing, but her strength thru it all, has been passed to me. She has given me a new life to live.. and now I know my life will never be the same.
christine says
Thank you for all your emails during the year. The last couple of years have been tough ones for me and I’m grateful to always read your blogs. Best wishes. X
Richard E. Murphy says
As for all the life stories shared…I am humbled beyond words! Such wonderful words, though many painful, lend us hope and foster faith. As for my story, suffice it to say that even before I came into this world, I’ve known hardship. My biological mother, who was separated from her husband, got pregnant. Because it was the 50’s and I was born out of wedlock, my mother placed me up for adoption. My adoptive parents, while loving, divorced one another twice. I was raised by a single parent from the time I was seven years old. Sexually molested by a baby sitter when I was about six years of age. Grew up poor and with a prolonged identity crisis. As such, self-esteem was never strong. I met my biological mother at 19 years of age. She led me to believe a certain gentleman was my father. Turns out, through DNA testing, he was not my biological father. She took his identity to the grave. I’m still searching for his identity but its been a tiring journey of rough road and dead ends. However, my biggest struggle in my life is that I lost one of my dearest friends eight years ago. Monty was a self-made man who joined the Air Force right out of high school and retired from the Air Force with a PhD and as a commissioned officer. He was the life of the party, smart, handsome, and totally loved his friends and family. However, no one saw his pain and one tragic day, he took his life. I miss my good friend and think of him often. Grief has been a complete nightmare and so many tears have fallen from the eyes of this 58 year old here. I feel cheated as I had looked forward to growing old with Monty. Hell, you just kind of expect some people to always be there. While its still exceeding hard in dealing with the “why’s” of survivors guilt…I take it (life) one day at a time. The point of sharing this is to encourage everyone to love your friends and family, above all else in life…and enjoy the simple things that life has to offer…and treasure today for tomorrow is promised to no one. Live life as wide open as you can and never lose your sense of wonder…do your level-best to be the best YOU that You can be in this crazy thing we call “life”. And lastly, LOVE deeply, madly, and passionately, for in the end…life is truly about the relationships we build…little else really matters. In closing, Merry Christmas to all who read this and to my dear friend Monty…wherever you may be…fly high and free eternally!
Dale Steele Nicolov says
I was listening to an interview on the radio one day. The man talking had lost his 13 year old son to cancer. He said that we can not control the bad things that happen to us. All we can control is how we react to them.My sister lost both of her children. One was in a car accident at 15 and has been totally disabled ever since. All she can do is look at you. She is now 37. She has been in a nursing home all these years. The other daughter died suddenly at 30 with a brain tumor. My sister and her husband have both been diagnosed with cancer and are still living. My sister is bipolar. Both she and her husband have had the medical system botch up their surgeries resulting in multiple other surgeries to try and rectify the damage. This family continues to try to make the best of their lives and are positive, loving people. They are my heroes…I pray for them everyday and I know that my prayers are listened to and answered. No matter how sad we all are,love can create miracles!!! We are, with Gods help, co-creators of our own reality. I wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas and a vibrant healthy and happy New Year!
Holly Bredemann says
I have been through more in my life than most. I am resilient. I survived sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. I survived watching my mother be physically abused most of my life. However, this September, I lost one of the most important people in my life, my 26 year old niece. She was one of my best friends. We did everything together. And then, last month, my grandpa. Christmas is coming and it is the first one I will spend away from my kids. Surviving this will not be easy
Mona says
Today I resolve & choose to love and honor myself, take care of myself, let go of the painful past and not expect others to love me or make me happy. This is my work alone. However, reading your blog lets me know how much I am supported! Thank you
Stephanie from Leeuwarden, Netherlands says
Thank you. Gonna write this one one my bathroom mirror.
Thank you again. Isn’t that what we are here for? To keep reminding the other how precious he/she is?
Carmen says
As I sit here ready this email I can relate to some. This holiday I lost my younger brother to a heart attack, my mom has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and this Christmas Eve would be a year since my best friend took her own life. I have my days where I just don’t want to get out of bed or even go outside but I know as a believer in Christ I Constantly pray to give me the will because through him I can do it and he gave up his life so that I can live mine. Thank you for the motivational email that I receive because it really helps to know that it’s not only me who goes through hardships at times and if they can overcome their tragedies so Can I.
Bill says
In February 2010, in only three weeks, my life changed. I had fallen off my flat bed semi and had to have career-ending rotator -cuff surgery. After surgery, I got a call from my oldest sister that my favorite sister had passed from a heart-attack.. A week later, I found out my wife had been unfaithful to me. A week after that, my mother passed.
After all that, I woke up one morning, and as I stood up, I said to myself “I can make it. If I can get through this, I can get through anything.” This includes a near-fatal motorcycle accident in 2014, and losing my girlfriend to breast cancer in 2015. But I wake up grateful to God every morning and pray with tears in my eyes.
Stephanie from Leeuwarden, Netherlands says
Dear Marc and Angel,
Sometimes my ego is angry at you for not being able to stay in the victim mode.
But my true self is so thankful and grateful for your emails because it is exactly the mirror my ego needs to shut up.
Every year around this time i get depressed, and thankfully I have the most fantastic colleagues and friends who keep reminding me of that for I myself do not recall.
Part of the problem.
And so I know what to do now to survive, get light therapy, hug my two daughters and do what I have to do (get some rest, stop trying to be perfect, get help for problems I encounter, eat well!!!) and being thankful that I have you in my life to kick me every now and then.
So thanks again for being my friend dear Marc and Angel, you truly feel like close friends. Happy holidays.
Catherine says
When I was 23 I was at my lowest point. My dad died of leukaemia when I was 13 and not a single person ever asked me how I was. So I slipped into depression and remained there. When I was 20 I went to university- now I was away from home and meeting others who’d lost their parents young, my suppressed grief, anger and pain began to spill out. I began to unravel and became suicidal and paranoid. Again, no one asked me what was wrong and I didn’t know where to turn. I was desperate for someone to love me so jumped into bed with the first man who seemed to want me. He had no idea what to do about my suicidalness though, and we got into all sorts of trouble and broke up just before Christmas. Many things had happened which I don’t want to go into, I even tried to kill myself, but that Christmas, my mum also told me she wished she’d never had me because I’d ruined her life. I gave up. Although I was an atheist, I said to God ‘that’s it. I can’t take any more. If one more thing goes wrong, I’m killing myself and you’ve lost me. So God. Over to you.’ I didn’t expect a single thing to change and so prepared to kill myself.
But then I met a man who was working at the school where I was volunteering. Something seemed right about him and we went out on a date. At that point I was still obsessed with my ex and thought ‘I’ll never find anyone as good as him.’ But as it turned out, my new boyfriend was better than 100 ex boyfriends. He was training to be a nurse and put his skills to work helping me recover.
We have now been married for 23 years and have a beautiful daughter. I feel sure that God heard my scream for help all those years ago and sent along a Christian man to help me. I’d assumed a Christian would be shocked at my past and not want anything to do with me but my husband wasn’t like that. He took care of me, loved me and made me laugh and we are very happy together.
Reba says
Nine years ago this last week, my beautiful 11 month old granddaughter passed away, My son and his wife were in the grip of a pain I couldn’t fix. I was falling apart because of the loss, and because I had no way to fix the loss. A wise person told me to concentrate on what I had enjoyed in her short life and to celebrate that, not all the years that were not to be. Her life had been destined to be a short one. So that’s what I did, She had a short life, but one that she never knew about war or despair, A life that was filled with wonder joy and loving arms. How blessed that one of my grandchildren should have been given the privilege of leading a near perfect life. By focusing on that it allowed me to find peace. I will never forget the feeling of holding my son as he wept for his daughter, I will also never forget the joy of watching them pull their lives together and welcome a new baby into the world. Losing her was not the end, her life was worth celebrating, and the impact she had can be seen in the joy that will never be taken for granted in her younger sibling.
Amanda says
Reading these stories of pain and anguish are so very bitter sweet. My heart goes out to everyone in these posts. I feel your pain and I celebrate your joy. Tomorrow will be my 53rd Birthday and today I am sitting in the cemetery car park about to place flowers on both my adoptive parents’ graves. They are buried together with their dog. After this, I will drive 10 kms up the road and put flowers on my birth mother’s grave who died 18 months ago and never wished to acknowledge me her only child or her grandson (my son who is 20). Now I await a phone call from my son as he finally decides to admit himself into rehab for his drug addiction and mental health issues. This thing called “Life” that we didn’t ask for and many times don’t want is to be embraced no matter how hard it gets. As the saying goes, “you can’t have a rainbow ? without a little rain”. Look up to the skies and celebrate the beauty of Mother Earth as good things will certainly come to us all. Tomorrow is a new day. I wish you all love peace and happiness. ??
Divya says
Amazing, amazing post.
I have been following your blog (on-and-off) since I was 16. It has helped me through teenage anxiety, social pressures, educational and career pressure.
Each time I visit your website, I learn something and leave feeling contented. And if that isn’t something happy in this unfeeling world.
Thank you, Marc and Angel. Wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year, keep inspiring people.
JAMES says
Hi
My name is James.
I have for the last nearly 20 years been living in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship.
I love my kids and I don’t want to see them go through the pain of divorce. I am not really sure of what the future holds for me and I sometimes struggle with suicidal thoughts. I feel I am that all I want is to get out of this relationship. Some guide me on how to go about it.