Are you willing to spend a little time every day like most people won’t, so you can spend the better part of your life like most people can’t?
Think about that question for a moment. Let it sink in. You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing—growing happens only when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis (most people miss the second part).
And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different? That’s the power of daily rituals.
Now, it’s time think about your rituals—the little things you do every day.
Because these little things define you.
All the results in your life come from these little things.
Regardless of your unique life circumstances, or how you define success, you don’t suddenly become successful. You become successful over time based on your rituals.
Failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail…
- You keep failing to check the books.
- You keep failing to make the calls.
- You keep failing to listen to your customers.
- You keep failing to innovate.
- You keep failing to do the little things that need to be done…
Then one day you wake up and your business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do on a daily basis—your rituals—not just one inexplicable, catastrophic event.
Think about how this relates to your life.
Your life is your “business!”
And your rituals make or break you, gradually (that’s why rituals are a key focal point of both our New York Times bestselling book and our renowned course on happiness).
Even the seemingly insignificant rituals you engage in can produce ripples of consequence, for better or worse.
So, how have you been managing your rituals, and thus your life?
Are the little things you’re doing every day working for you or against you? If you think the answer might be the latter, you will find incredible value in the tiny daily rituals listed below. Each of them gradually strengthens common weak points we’ve seen plaguing hundreds of our course students, coaching clients, and live event attendees over the past decade—little things people do every day that stress them out and prevent them from moving forward with their lives.
And remember, this article is about making tiny, sustainable changes in your routine behavior. That means practicing each one of these rituals gradually—one at a time, one day at a time, and then letting them build on one another. Go from zero to six over the course of six months, or maybe less, but certainly not all at once.
1. The ritual of simply doing one thing, and only one thing, at a time.
Be honest…
- Do you check social media apps on your phone when you’re sitting in meetings, or when you’re spending time with family and friends?
- Do you eat lunch at your desk, or while you’re on the run?
- Is the TV often on in your home, even when you’re busy doing other things?
- Do you send the occasional text message while driving?
The biggest cost of doing multiple things at once like this (assuming you don’t crash from the occasional texting and driving) is a gradual decline in your productivity and happiness over the long-term. When you get in the habit of persistently dividing your attention, you’re partially engaged in every activity, but rarely focused on any one. And this dizzying lack of focus eventually trips you up and brings you down to your knees.
Let’s use a quick metaphor to bring this point home:
If you hold a magnifying glass over a small pile of dry leaves as the sun shines bright on the hottest afternoon of the whole year, NOTHING will happen…
…so long as you keep moving the magnifying glass quickly from one leaf to the next.
But as soon as you hold the magnifying glass still and FOCUS the sun’s rays on one single leaf, the whole pile of leaves will ignite into flames.
That’s the power of focusing on one thing at a time.
Your opportunity on a daily basis is to realize that you are the magnifying glass in your own life, and that you can intentionally focus the energy you get from the world on one single leaf at a time. When you do so, you will ignite incredible “flames” that move your projects, your dreams, your relationships, and even the world around you, forward.
2. The ritual of washing your dishes.
Yes, I literally mean washing your dishes. It’s just one small step forward: When you eat your oatmeal, wash your bowl and spoon. When you finish drinking your morning coffee, rinse the coffee pot and your mug. Don’t leave any dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter for later. Wash them immediately.
Form this small ritual one dish at a time, one day at a time. Once you do this consistently for a couple weeks, you can start making sure the sink has been wiped clean too. Then the counter. Then put your clothes where they belong when you take them off. Then start doing a few sit-ups every morning. Eat a few vegetables for dinner. And so forth.
Do one of these at a time, and you’ll start to build a healthy ritual of practicing self-discipline, and finally know yourself to be capable of doing the little things that must be done… and finishing what you start.
But again, to start, just wash your dishes. Mindfully, with a smile.
3. The ritual of journaling (for fifteen minutes or less).
J.K. Rowling keeps a journal. Eminem keeps a journal. Oprah keeps a journal. Successful people all over the world—those who consistently make positive changes in their lives—reflect daily and learn from their life experiences. And they often use some kind of journal to accomplish this.
If you want to get somewhere in life, you need a map, and your journal is that map. You can write down what you did today, what you tried to accomplish, where you made mistakes, and so much more. It’s a place to reflect. It’s a place to capture important thoughts. It’s a place to sort out where you’ve been and where you intend to go. And it’s one of the most underused, yet incredibly effective tools available to the masses.
Just this morning, I spent fifteen minutes journaling about some recent events in my life that I’m grateful for, and some that are still troubling me. As I was wrapping up, the idea for the blog post you’re reading now came to me, which was a pleasant surprise since I hadn’t yet decided what I was going to share with you today.
I also unearthed some incredibly healthy insights regarding an important relationship that I had been neglecting, which motivated me to immediately send out a text message to someone I care about who I’ve been meaning to reconnect with for far too long. We now have a brunch date scheduled for next Sunday.
So, as you can infer, your time spent focusing inward and journaling doesn’t just help you—your mind is powerful and your thoughts create ripples in the world around you. When you bring clarity into your life, you bring the best of yourself into everything you do—you tend to treat yourself and others better, communicate more constructively, do things for the right reasons, and ultimately improve the world you’re living in. This is why journaling for a short time every day can actually make a significant real-world difference in your life.
4. The ritual of bringing awareness to your attachments.
Most of the things we desperately try to hold on to, as if they’re real, solid, everlasting fixtures in our lives, aren’t really there. Or if they are there in some form, they’re changing, fluid, impermanent, or simply imagined in our minds.
Life gets a lot easier to deal with when we understand this.
Imagine you’re blindfolded and treading water in the center of a large swimming pool, and you’re struggling desperately to grab the edge of the pool that you think is nearby, but in reality it’s not—it’s far away. Trying to grab that imaginary edge is stressing you out, and tiring you out, as you splash around aimlessly trying to holding on to something that isn’t there.
Now imagine you pause, take a deep breath, and realize that there’s nothing nearby to hold on to. Just water around you. You can continue to struggle with grabbing at something that doesn’t exist… or you can accept that there’s only water around you, and relax, and float.
On a daily basis, I challenge you to consciously ask yourself:
- What are you desperately trying to hold on to in your life right now?
- How is it affecting you?
Then imagine the thing you’re trying to hold on to doesn’t really exist.
Envision yourself letting go… and just floating.
(Note: Angel and I guide our readers through this process in the “Letting Go” chapter of our NYT bestselling book.)
5. The ritual of allowing most things to be the way they are.
Some things in life are worth changing. Most things are not.
Let that sink in for a moment.
“If you want to control the animals, give them a larger pasture.” That’s a quote Angel and I heard at a meditation retreat several years ago in a group discussion focused on the power of changing your attitude about the things you can’t change or don’t need to change.
I see “the animals” and their “larger pasture” as a form of letting go and allowing things to be the way they are. Instead of trying to tightly control something, you’re loosening up, giving it more space—a larger pasture. The animals will be happier; they will roam around and do what they naturally do. And your needs will be met too; you will have more space to be at peace with the way the animals are.
This same philosophy holds true for many aspects of life—stepping back and allowing certain things to happen means these things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. You will have less stress (and less to do), and more time and energy to work on the things that truly matter, and the things you actually can control—like your attitude about everything.
This form of letting go is not giving up. It’s about surrendering any obsessive attachment to particular people, outcomes and situations. It means showing up every day in your life with the intention to be your best self, and to do the best you know how, without expecting life to go a certain way.
The energy of someone aspiring to create something wonderful, teamed with this kind of surrender, is far more powerful and rewarding than someone determined to create outcomes with a desperate “must have” mentality. Surrender brings inner peace and joy, and lest we forget that our outer lives are a reflection of our inner state of being.
6. The ritual of giving thanks before bed.
Overlooking everything that’s wonderful is a tragedy—a very debilitating one. When you get lost in worried thoughts about a life situation you think you “should” have, you end up missing the beauty of everything you do have. And you will never be happy if you aren’t consciously thankful for the good things in your life.
Here’s a super simple, five-minute daily gratitude exercise that has worked wonders for hundreds of our course students and coaching clients over the past decade:
Every evening before you go to bed, write down three things that went well during the day and their causes. Simply provide a short, causal explanation for each good thing.
That’s it. We spend tens of thousands of dollars on expensive electronics, big homes, fancy cars and lavish vacations hoping for a boost of happiness. This is a free alternative, and it works.
In a study of this gratitude exercise’s effectiveness by the famed psychologist Martin Seligman, participants were asked to follow those exact instructions for just one week. After one week the participants were measurably 2% happier than before, but in follow-up tests their happiness kept on increasing, from 5% at one month, to 9% at six months. Even more interestingly, the participants were only required to keep this gratitude journal for one week, but the majority of them continued journaling on their own because they enjoyed it.
I tried it for myself many years ago—I set a goal of doing it for just one week, and I’m still doing it today. So, I can assure you it’s effective.
Afterthoughts… On Trusting Yourself Again
Renewing your trust in yourself is imperative, which is one of the most significant hidden benefits of practicing the aforementioned daily rituals. In fact, what Angel and I lacked before we learned to implement these kinds of daily rituals was the trust that we were actually capable of achieving positive results in our lives. We had failed so many times in the past, and had grown so discouraged in ourselves, that we started subconsciously choosing procrastination over future attempts to fulfill the promises we made to ourselves.
In essence, we lost trust in both our abilities and ourselves. It’s kind of like another person constantly lying to you—eventually you stop trusting them. The same holds true with the promises you make to yourself that always end in disappointment. Eventually, you stop trusting yourself.
And the solution in most cases is the same too: you have to renew your trust gradually, with small promises, small steps (your daily rituals), and small victories. Of course, this process takes time, but it happens relatively fast if you stick to it. And it’s arguably one of the most important, life-changing things you can do for yourself.
(Reminder: Angel and I build and customize tiny, life-changing daily rituals with our students in the “Goals & Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy course.)
Your turn…
If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from YOU.
Which ritual discussed above resonates with you the most today?
Anything else to share?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Beth Hanes says
M&A,
Loving the simple wisdom here, as always! Thank you.
A combination of your first two points/rituals is what has worked wonders for me over the past couples years. And your happiness course, book, and emails have helped me build these rituals into my life. Honestly, when life gets overly hectic I remind myself of this quote from your book:
“Good things don’t come easy, but they are worth the daily sacrifice. You have to sacrifice something you want less for something you want more, consistently.” Remembering this helps me be consistent.
I was nearly 50 when I finally understood that anything worth doing is worth working hard for, every single day. Now, I’m trying to help my 18-year-old figure it out, but it’s taking some time. She always quits if she doesn’t get it right right away, or if the progress she desires comes slow. I hope she’s learning, but I don’t know for sure yet. Anyway, I have made incredible progress, in big part thanks to your wisdom, and I’m confident I’ll be able to gradually set a great example for my daughter.
Thanks again for being a source of light for me and my family.
Marc Chernoff says
Beth, thanks so much for the insightful comment, and for mentioning our book. We appreciate you.
Cheers to setting a great example for your daughter! 🙂
Gary says
Marc and Angel, these are such great reminders for me too, and all of us really. I attended your Think Better Live Better conference in San Diego a couple months ago and I actually leveraged what I learned there to build a few positive daily rituals into my life that have made a significant impact in just a couple short months. Two of them are listed here — the rituals of practicing self-discipline and journaling — and the other one is one that was mentioned at the conference, but not mentioned here. So, I figured I’d mention it here just in case others find as much value in it as I have:
I have found this simple breathing incredibly helpful and practice it at least once a day. It’s simple, quick and effective. Just remember 4 7 8. Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of 4 seconds (deep belly breathing). Hold for a count of 7 seconds. Breathe out through your mouth for a count of 8 seconds. Works wonders! Try it… anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Nobody needs to know! And it can be especially helpful at bedtime to relax and prepare yourself for a good night’s sleep.
Again, you two, thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
It’s great to hear that you found actionable value at the Think Better, Live Better conference. Well done on implementing these daily rituals into your routine, Gary.
Olivia says
I always enjoy your blog posts, emails and reading a page or two from your book, but this particular post has been especially eye-opening at the moment. It’s exactly what I needed to read today!
Lately there’s been a lot of drama, stress and uncertainty in my life, and it’s really difficult to see the light at the end of the road, especially when it always feels like I’m just waiting around constantly for the other shoe to drop. It’s really hard to push forward when you’re struggling, but I am.
And right now it’s time for me to let go of some attachments and allow certain things to be the way they are, as you eloquently described in #4 and #5. Thanks for these reminders.
Gallantly, gal says
This is really such a great list. So real and thorough. I definitely have been suffering from multi-tasking with everything I do. In this day and age, there is so much stimuli that my mind craves to be distracted no matter what I’m doing.
I’m definitely going to keep referring back to this list…
Thanks! x
Blessy says
Even though all of the 6 rituals are quite helpful, what i guess i really wanted to hear was the last part about trusting oneself. I had been trying to regain that trust.
I hadn’t realised how i was breaking my trust by the simple things i refused to do until it was too late.
I was too rigid on myself before, trying control myself a bit too much and so when I realised that I thought of letting myself be free. I didn’t give much attention to the things I was freeing myself from and as a result I lost all that trust.
Knowing that it really is possible to gain back that trust and that someone has actually done it is inspiring. Thank you for that.
Marc Chernoff says
Glad that afterthought resonated, Blessy. 🙂
Debbie says
Very interesting read. What resonates with me; giving thanks, an attitude of gratitude. This helps especially when something didn’t go as expected, however I have other instances where things went very well and giving thanks, put things in perspective.
Archana Borikar says
Very motivating for me…
I am going to start these rituals today and will follow them for the upcoming week to see how things go.
Kathleen says
I love your daily email messages and today’s is just spot on. Thank you . Very helpful.
ciao says
i will list reading this article as one of the things i appreciate today. thanks for the 6 ideas which resonated with me and your reminder about trust. well done!
Amanda says
Great post — lots of useful ideas here.
Manoj Kapashi says
Awesome! Going to buy a diary notebook today, and start maintaining my journal, as well as give thanks every night before sleeping. Also going to write down in the same journal the salient points of whatever is of interest in your blog for that day.
You guys are the best! The first thing I check in my inbox everyday, is to see whether there is a post from you.
Thanks a lot for all your life changing insights!
Dora says
Always amazed (as others are) with how what you have to say is SO timely for whatever is going on in my life! #2 is an interesting ritual, BUT I see the true value in it; the kitchen is a central gathering place in our house — we do more than cook and eat there, so if it’s cluttered, the outcomes from the gathering are cluttered too! So I starting doing that a few weeks ago actually!! #3 I started TODAY to kickoff celebrating my birth month, I love to write and this is a great way to build some discipline around that. And #6, is an AWESOME way to end the day. Even with my life’s challenges, I have so much to be grateful for and I often “throw the day away” in favor of another one, hoping the next will bring more of what I want. What I forget is that I may not have another day . . . Thank you M&A!!
Tamara says
The one for me was doing one thing at a time. How did you know my life? The television is on in the background, mainly about the news. I’m constantly texting and driving. Most importantly, I feel as if I am ignoring my child. I’m going to give this a shot. I need to do something. My life has become so stagnant. Just now, while writing this post, I received a message from a friend who found me a job offer. I was so excited!!!
Peikun says
Love this. Thank you for sharing this.
I had always wanted and tried many times to start reading. I usually don’t find any interest in books, never in my life (now 32 yrs old) I had completed reading any single book.
Reading is just not my cup of tea.
However, I am very well understood the power of reading, it just don’t seems to get my attention.
But certainly this post did a good job. I am very greatful to be able to read this.
Thank you once again.
Lenora says
You have inspired me! My journal starts today!
heightderek says
Thanks for sharing this article with us. It was full of information and interesting rituals that can change our life. Good tips. keep sharing
Chaitanya Talpade says
You guys are doing amazing job in motivating people. Keep continuing. It is working. Thanks and God Bless !!
Doug says
Doing my dishes right away, wiping sink and counter – this is helpful, caught this in one of your emails.
Going to start Journal of Thanks = 3 things every day.
Your blog and emails are really helpful, impacting me positive.
Thank You Marc and Angel
Dipen Limbu says
Simply beautiful, Whenever I need some motivation and whenever I am feeling low, I simply open one of your emails and click over to one of your blog posts. This is really amazing and very profound.
Thank you so much M & A.
Ann C says
During Lent I gave up FB and would read from a religious book each evening, with the tv off. I was so relaxed each nite when I went to bed. Easter came and I found myself alone so I turned on the tv and picked up my iPad to begin reading posts on FB. But I quickly realized I wasn’t paying attention to what was on the tv and the noise was aggravating my senses. So I decided to try only doing one thing at a time, reading or watching but not both.
Then your #1 today hit me and I smiled as I read it. Now to move on with the other steps one at a time. Thank you!
Bernz JP says
This post is giving me goosebumps while reading it. Love it so much that I shared it to my Twitter and Facebook friends and family member. I was with my family yesterday for Easter, and my sister has talked about accomplishing many things in one day. She’s that type of person who wants to do so many things at the same time and be stress by it. I gave her the same advice that was #1 on your list of rituals which is to do one thing and only one thing at a time to reduce her stress and disappointments. Hope she listens!
Liane says
As is often the case, this post seems timely. I am currently wrestling with a decision I made to leave my job at the end of this school year. I have been second guessing whether it is the right decision? I don’t have something else lined up, all ready to go, and I know I’ll struggle with that situation down the road because I do best with some structure and something to get out of the house for every day. However, I feel I’ve lost my enthusiasm for my work – it’s still okay, but as a teacher I don’t want to shortchange the kids, nor myself if I can truly make good use of my time in another way. All the questions are valid and still somewhat contradictory in my mind (like not being attached and at the same time most things don’t have to change) so I’m still figuring out the best way to apply the various points.
Elaine C says
Thank you for your daily inspirational guidance. There are so many things to do and after all is said and done..simply smiling and saying thank you makes you feel like getting up and doing that one thing, followed by another thing and then all the things don’t gang up on you and get muddled..of all the Life Coaches..you 2 are 1 of the very best. Thank you:)
Jude says
Marc & Angel, this article is a gem. I have heard much about journaling but never tried it before. It is now on my to-try list. I like the idea of doing one thing at a time. There are countless incidents where my multi-tasking efforts resulted in me having to multi-task even more…creating a vicious cycle.
Thanks for sharing these great tips!
Lalitha says
#5 really resonated with me, especially this part “It’s about surrendering any obsessive attachment to particular people, outcomes and situations. It means showing up every day in your life with the intention to be your best self, and to do the best you know how, without expecting life to go a certain way.” This is something I recently came to realize myself, and since practicing this I have found greater peace.
Kylie says
I am starting today! Easter has just finished, the temperature has just hit double digits ( centigrade), and Spring is in the air! Got my plan, and my energy and attitude on. Breathe, Focus and going Forward…. one step at a time, every day. Mindfully, gratefully… I was already on this path, but thank you both for the timely reminder mail!
don gas says
Love it!
Jay says
Timeless bits of wisdom here. Daily rituals change lives. Thank you for the wonderful reminders.
Karigo Kabui says
The ritual of allowing most things to be the way they are.. That one got me, I allow myself more space for other things by allowing the very things I can’t change more space to be- meaning less pressure on BBC me from the same.
Great insight. Thank you.
Yesmien says
Wow…this was so powerful for me. I have been on a mission to improve my focus as I have been so scattered in my actions. I feel that I have accomplished less than I could. So my ritual of journaling and daily prayer and meditating began. The analogy of the magnifying glass encapsulated this for me so well. Of late I even have a ritual shower or bath where I focus on being thankful for every body part I am washing and how it has and will continue to serve me. The one key for me is to let go though of trying to control the outcome of my love relationship however all these practices have in a weird way created some shift. Meaning I am learning to focus on on tasks of joy and connectedness and I feel less and less disconnected from myself and worry. Wow this article reminded me just how well I am doing. Thank you kindly.
Vera says
I love reading and sharing your blog posts daily. I’d love to challenge myself into the habit of journaling about the three things I’m grateful for daily.
Stonebridge says
Great post. In small enough steps, no journey is hard enough to achieve. What you’re talking about here has a lot to do with mindfulness and how just by bringing awareness to your actions can make you more focused and productive.
jen says
Great article as always!
Shirlee K Sodini says
Such helpful suggestions!!! Thank you Angel, and all the replies too. I read this yesterday morning, last night and this morning again, all the way through to the end. I found that each point was of significant resolve and importance for my peace in my journey. The ending cracked an opening into a mystery I had been been solving. Trust in myself by recognizing that accomplishing the littlest tasks builds this day into a life of peace and world of change with out conflict!!! Thank you