“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
—Mae West
This morning a close neighborhood friend, Alison, passed away far too early. While Angel and I have spent most of the day grieving, I’ve also spent this past hour thinking about the fact that our lives are often much shorter than we expect, and that we need to do some pretty darn hard things to maximize our very limited time. Alison strongly believed in doing the hard yet necessary things in life—we talked about this topic on several occasions, and she never backed down from a challenge. So today, I want to reflect on this with you.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you absolutely need to do hard things to be happy in the long run. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty promises and one filled with more possibility and progress.
You know this is true, so…
1. Don’t be afraid to accept and appreciate life’s changes.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. You’re always growing. Experiences don’t stop. That’s life.
Sometimes there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay. Sometimes the changes we don’t want are the changes we need to grow. Let this sink in. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.
The bottom line is that you can’t reach for anything new if you’re holding on to yesterday. You may think holding on makes you strong, but oftentimes it’s letting go and starting anew that truly builds your inner strength.
2. Don’t be afraid to trust yourself.
You may not be where you want to be yet, but you’ve also come a long way from where you once were. Appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your strength and resilience. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward, not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you’ve survived and grown from the bad ones.
Good things take time, and you’re getting there. So don’t allow yourself to be crippled by stress and self-loathing. Everything is only as it is. There’s no reason to let it cripple you. Remind yourself to breathe—to let every moment be what it’s going to be. What’s meant to be will come your way, and what’s not will fall away. And remember that life’s best gifts may not always be wrapped the way you expect. (Read The Last Lecture.)
3. Don’t be afraid to live your truth.
Tell yourself, “I am ENOUGH” anytime you begin to feel otherwise. Accept your flaws. Admit your mistakes. Don’t hide and don’t lie.
Deal with the truth—your truth—every step of the way. Learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move forward. Your truth won’t penalize you. Your mistakes won’t hurt you. Only your denial and cover-up will. Flawed and vulnerable people are powerful and strong. Liars and phonies are not. Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with trials and errors.
So keep reminding yourself that you are YOU for a reason, and that the journey is worth it. Ignore the distractions. Listen to your own inner voice. Mind your own business. Keep your best wishes and your biggest desires close to your heart, and dedicate time to them every day. Don’t be scared to walk alone sometimes, and don’t be scared to enjoy it. And don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama or negativity derail you.
4. Don’t be afraid to craft a daily routine that’s right for YOU.
If your life is going to mean anything, you have to live it yourself. You have to choose the path that feels right to YOU, not the one that simply looks right to everyone else. It’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, than the top of the one you don’t. So don’t wait until you’re halfway up the wrong ladder to listen to your intuition. Every morning, ask yourself what is truly important, and then find the courage, wisdom and willpower to build your day around your answer.
In the end, it’s not what you say, but how you spend your time that counts. If you want to do something, you’ll find a way… if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Rituals chapter of our New York Times bestseller, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.)
5. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to unnecessary obligations.
In a world with so much noise and clutter, you must make room for what matters. That means pruning nonessential commitments and eliminating as many distractions as you possibly can. No wasted time, no fluff, no regrets.
The mark of a successful and peaceful person is the ability to set aside the “somewhat important” things in order to accomplish the vital ones first. When you’re crystal clear about your priorities, you can painlessly arrange them in the right order and discard the activities and commitments that do not support the ones at the top of your list.
6. Don’t be afraid to give yourself enough mental and emotional space.
If you think and you think and you think, you will think yourself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it. Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential. Stop over-thinking everything. Life is just too short.
Your biggest limitations are the ones you make up in your mind. The biggest causes of your unhappiness are the false beliefs you refuse to let go of. You are capable of far more than you are often thinking, imagining, doing or being. But in time you will gradually become what you habitually contemplate, so clear your mind and let your hopes, not your fears, shape your future. How? Meditate. Run. Breathe. Write in your journal. Find the space…. to set your mind free.
7. Don’t be afraid to make more time for the right relationships.
Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who’s worth your attention and who’s just taking advantage of you. If your time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships, or on too many activities that force you to neglect your good relationships, you can end up in a tedious cycle of fleeting friendships, superficial romances that are as thrilling as they are meaningless, and a general sense of wondering why you always seem to be chasing affection.
Choose yourself rather than settle for those who treat you as ordinary. YOU certainly aren’t. Never settle for being someone’s option when you have the potential to be someone’s priority. You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you hang with the wrong people too often, they will bring you down. But if you hang with the right people, they will help you grow into your best self. These people will love all the things about you that others are intimidated by.
8. Don’t be afraid to learn something new.
As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Life is a book and those who do not educate themselves read only a few pages.
When you know better, you live better. Period.
And remember that all education is self-education. It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting in a college classroom or a coffee shop. We don’t learn anything we don’t want to learn. Those of us who take the time and initiative to pursue knowledge on their own time are the only ones who earn a real education in this world. Take a look at any widely acclaimed scholar, entrepreneur or historical figure you can think of. Formal education or not, you’ll find that he or she is a product of continuous self-education.
9. Don’t be afraid to live out some of your dreams.
There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t settle for the default settings in life. Don’t hide behind laziness. Find your loves, talents and passions, and embrace them fully.
Seriously, too many people dream only at night in the quiet of their own minds, and then awake to find it was all an illusion. Don’t be one of them. Dream by day, too. Be one of the people who dream with their eyes wide open, and who works to make some of them come true.
And forget popularity too. Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Pursue it a little bit each day, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved. (Read Tuesdays with Morrie.)
10. Don’t be afraid of other people’s empty judgments.
The greatest and most gratifying experiences in life cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart from the inside out. There’s nothing more inspiring than the complexity and beauty of human, heartfelt feelings. Sadly though, many people let the fear of judgment numb and silence them. Their deepest thoughts and feelings often go unspoken, and thus barely understood.
Do NOT let people invalidate or minimize how you feel. If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else occupies your body, or sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your exact experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important. Never let anyone or any circumstance lead you to believe otherwise.
Remind yourself that there is a great freedom in leaving others to their opinions, and there is a huge weight lifted when you take nothing personally.
Now, it’s your turn…
With Alison in mind, I sincerely hope this short post has inspired you to LIVE your life TODAY…
Don’t ignore death (or any form of pain), but don’t be afraid of it either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take action on what matters most. Truth be told, death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive and breathing.
Alison absolutely lived her life far beyond her years. Challenge yourself to do the same.
Be bold. Be courageous. Be scared to death, and then take the next step anyway.
Do the hard things you know you need to for yourself!
Every. Single. Day.
(Note: Angel and I take a much deeper dive into the process of doing the hard but necessary things in life in the Getting Back to Happy Course & Coaching.)
. . .
And before you go, I’d love to hear from YOU in the comments section below.
Which point above do you resonate the most with? What’s one hard thing YOU need to start doing for yourself?
Please share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Susan Manes says
You point on embracing change shouts loud to me right now. I am sincerely looking forward to the rest of this year….for positive change. I’m looking to change careers soon and follow a life-long passion of mine (kinda like early retirement because I’m 59-years-old). And all 10 of these things will be a part of that transition. Currently I’m downsizing and trying to create a more manageable life for myself. There has to be more to life than just existing to pay bills, right? 😉
Thank you for this entry, and thank you for your book and the course related coaching I did with you last month too You are both helping me give myself the gift of growth and positive change.
PS: I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I’ve been there recently myself.
CHARLES MCHUGH says
“There has to be more to life than just existing to pay bills, right? ?”
That was part of a comment from Susan Manes wrote in your comments section. It summed up how I feel. I’m sorry to hear about your friend Alison. My thoughts and prayers are with you and her family. Today I am starting to read your Getting Back to Happy book for a second time because I feel myself falling back into bad patterns that I had started to change. I intend to do the 30 day method you talk about one step at a time.
Thanks
JJ says
Great post! I’ve been struggling with actually living in the present because I’m so focused on the future, so the points on letting go really resonate. Reading this post has really inspired me to continue striving to improve and live one day at a time. Looking forward to your event in San Diego in a couple weeks!
And, of course, my condolences to you and Angel for the loss of your friend.
Nancy Ann Gomez says
Your emails always arrive in my gmail inbox on time! Thank you for sending the link to this post. Simply beautiful!!
This hit home like a grand slam. I feel, literally like you were speaking to me for everything touched upon is where I am. This is so true: ‘What’s meant to be will come your way, what’s not will fall away. And remember that a great gift may not always be wrapped as you expect.’
My eyeballs pretty much fell out of my head and went back in lol
Thank you again and my sincere condolences..
Melissa Loftis says
Sorry for your loss of Allison, your neighbor. This post has so much truth in it! I needed to read it as a reminder to myself. Lately, I’ve been thinking and thinking…a little bit too much. I will refocus my energy to take care of me. I’ve made great progress in the past 5 years but of course I want to continue to live life to its fullest. Marc and Angel, thank you for being a blessing in my life.
Georgina says
Great post
i love the part that says do not settle to be someone’s option when actually you have all the potential to be someone’s priority
hmmm God bless
Mary Lamptey says
Thank you for this post.
What hit me most was your point on not being afraid to make more time for the right relationships.
Just two days ago, I realized I didn’t mean anything to two of my friends I cherish, so I have decided to make them unimportant in my life, and I must say I feel great.
I don’t have to waste my time and energy on them anymore, it’s like a weight has been lifted off.
Cindy Peteroy says
I read your email every morning, and it truly helps me to feel better about myself, and what I am currently dealing with in my life. Your advice is wonderful, and it gives me strength to go on, even though sometimes I barely have the energy to get up in the morning. Thank you for your emails, I appreciate them, and I use the information you give to better my life situation.
Maria says
Learning ….each morn I am blessed with another day in front of me, not to procrastinate! I will read this article, later….
NOW, is the time for my almost 55 year old self to ponder what are my dreams….
What do I feel from the heart, and what do I bury so as no to feel…
Thankyou, through your loss, your gift of words have challenged my dying soul to seize the moment…to read, to laugh to discover Gods great plan…
Thankyou Angel & Marc
Shirlee Sodini says
I love the way your words inspire me. I am afraid I have come to a crack in my courage which I have no plan to span that makes any sense. So the most courageous thing I can do today is to read your post, breath, carry on in as normal and appreciative way for not being in a dire bit instad a stand still time in my life. The best for me is to open my eyes, to see what I have and appreciate what I can give to hold up others. And to do that without reserve or expectation.
J says
I’m struggling right now with relationships. I mentally put so much stress on myself. Always trying to do what is right and i end up guilting myself so much. I feel anxious almost all day . I know I am hitting a wall of depression and anxiety, I just want to stay home and away from the outside. I’ve never felt this way before. I searched for motivational inspiration and found your site. This along with prayer, spiritual devotions/ reading I am hopeful I will refocus and accept what I cannot change and invest more on me to get back to real living. One day at time , although it feels more like one hour. Thank you for your articles.
Nana says
Hi
I’m Nana,I myself coming from where you are right now.
Self love is the foundation of all relationships?. Try it …..I wish you all the best
Lisa McConnell says
All of your points resonate with me, but the one that made me feel sqirm the most was not fearing your dreams.
I have learned all the others . . . many times over because it’s easy to forget the lessons learned in the midst of upheaval.
The one I have reached for the least are my dreams. It immediately makes me squirm with fear. And I know that the more it makes me squirm, the more I need to focus on it.
Zack says
I usually do not post comments on anything, However, I have been reading your post every time I receive them, I know you made the comment you only live once, I understand what you are saying, My belief is We Live Every Day, We Only Die Once, With that said, Your post have been Awesomely Written and I believe done with Heartfelt Intentions, You both are a Inspiration to a lot of Hurting out there, I Greatly Enjoy Reading your post, and they have been a Light Into My Path so many times, Thank You Both for your Inspiration and Encouragement, My you both be Tremendously Bless, and Live your Dreams Also, again Thank You Both So Much.
Jennifer Mancuso says
Couldn’t say it better. I have been avoiding some of the hard stuff and have Finally decided to fully embrace any change needed!
Dawnielle says
As a recent college B.S. graduate, at age 48, I really liked the quote, “You may not be where you want to be yet, but you’ve also come a long way from where you once were. Appreciate how far you’ve come. ” I really needed this morning read, as I contemplate my next steps in life. I take it to heart that you can only grow when you let the things that held you back go. This rings so true to me, I will concentrate my efforts on the luving in the present moment and stop worrying about what is not important.
Judy Flowers says
Ah yes today is the day I will focus on the one next thing in the 5 areas of my life, that will propel me forward. Best article I could have read to start my day
Nansamba Jackline says
Thanks for the message,
I just loved the point of being your self .
joanna says
I have subscribed to your blog for years now and have read many that have resonated with me, are so helpful in general and are so smart and come from a place of truth.
But none so much as this one. Every one of the 10 points that you made were like they were written for me personally. I also read the comments from other people and they also resonated with me; some of them expressed what is in my heart now probably better than I will be able to.
I feel so stuck in my life and personal situation, knowing the changes I have to make but just not being able to. Sometimes your emails come at the right time for me, give me inspiration to change, but then I just fall back into my old habits. Hopefully this time will be different.
I am literally writing this with tears in my eyes. I am so moved by what you wrote today that this is the first time I am actually posting a comment. I lost one of the closest friends I have ever had when she was only 25, so I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you both again for the work you do; you are both so inspirational and real.
Faroek Nazier says
Every word of your post is what we need every day.It really inspired my heart, always. Thank you sincerely.My sincere condolences.Thank you for everything.
Bahati Walker Icons says
Man you’ve taught me a lesson i can’t grab from any school around the world it’s just amazing and i would like to share it on my 100k reader blog site.
One of your faithful readers says
I am sorry for the loss of your friend, Alison.
Your advice is such a great reminder for all of us. I recently made some significant – albeit painful – changes in my life. Realizing that I was more than halfway through my life, I didn’t want to live the remainder of it feeling bad about myself, continuing to deal with toxic people and disregarding my own self-care. Although it is a journey of peaks and valleys, so far, it’s been worth it.
Thanks for the inspiring words to keep me going.
Stuart says
I’m just gonna say… I bought your book.
I have never bought anyone else’s book.
That’s quite an endorsement you know!
Thank you. 🙂
Tshidi Maripane says
My sincere condolences to you and Angel for the for the loss of your friend, Alison. Thank you so much for the email today and its timing. These are prophetic words to my life. I am always over thinking things which result in me doing noting because I am afraid what if I am wrong, what if I fail again and disappoint other people. I’ve been constantly consumed by the fear of of others judgement. Over the weekend having a conversation with my daughter, i told her that I am done worrying about people judging me, and I am starting to do what is right for me and what will make me happy. Thank you once again.
DeLisa says
I am 55 years old and I have lived several lives, not all good! I am alone, never married, not able to have children! But everything happens for a reason! I took care of my severely demented mom for ten years! I was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor! I could go on forever! I have for the last year been reading your book and emails ! Your information is saving me and pushing me forward with out FEAR & SHAME! I’ll keep marching through this Battlefield! I’m free to be me? Thanks
Janice Browne says
I was ready to delete your email this morning, but it caught my eye and was so inspirational and just what I needed at that very moment! It was gimmicky (my word) and it seemed to come from a place of sincerity. Sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you and your friends family.
I don’t remember how I came about signing up for your site, but I am glad I did.
Thank you!
Siyabonga Qebiso says
I’m realy sorry about the loss of your dear friend. But i’m glad to hear that he/ she lived life to the fullest. As you have said, ” Death is not the greatestr loss. The real loss is what dies within you while you are still alive.” I’m touched by this message. Thank you a lot
Christopher says
Reading from Nairobi, Kenya. Thank you for your inspiring posts. Numbers two and three are the ones I’m going to take as personal.
Alex Annear says
I really needed this today. Thank you Marc and Angel!
Natalie says
Thank you for your beautiful work, your dedication to your truth …you and your partner are tremendous human beings and I believe Allison was the lucky and smart one to have you both in her life. I am sorry for your loss. And I am inspired by Allison’s life and I will carry her spirit as I continue on my path of gratitude and light. I enjoy your books and your blog post and I am grateful to have found you both ?? Namaste Nathalie Poirier
Anna says
When I was barely 23 years old, my friend passed away just shy of her 24th birthday. The lesson I learned then and try hard to remember nearly 2 decades later is that actually life can be really long. We should like it fully and do our best and enjoy it and never ever take it for granted. So sorry for your loss.
Scott Stewart says
I am continuously amazed at how the timing of what I read magnifies the topic matter’s ability to resonate with my soul and impact me profoundly. There really isn’t anything in this post that I haven’t heard before. Yet as I read each one I was pulled into a state of awareness that these are the very things I have not been doing and so desperately need to begin adding to my mindset. Truth does that, you know. The truth is that the truth is pretty simple. Yet profound in it’s ability to set us free of our suffering. Thanks Marc and Angel. I truly enjoy your words.
Tina says
I ussualy question my judgment, just because others do.
My difficulty is finding and understanding what i want. I do not know how to dream. I concider my success to be just luck!
These ideas make me feel better. I keep reading about achiving goals, but is there any guidline for discovering goals?
Marcia says
Thank you for this inspiration. Numbers 1-8 really tell my story. I am afraid to try new things, to live. Always reflecting on regrets. Now, I need to stop living in the past and move on. I am not feeling happiness at all.
Kim says
Thanks for the reminder that life can be short. I need to change my life. All I do is work to save money. I’m addicted to saving money. So I don’t have much of a life. It’s great for my bank account but it’s not so great for happiness.
Pearl Tuan Kee Lee says
Thank you for your most uplifting post. I am 60 and just discovering who I really am , aside from mother , wife , dutiful daughter and church goer ( my faith is also suffering, hard to reconcile the many experiences of y life.)
I enjoy reading your newsletter.
Pearl
Elizabeth says
I fully agree with the entire post. The most important part of it, to me, is the last point.
Death on the inside is the only death to fear. It’s because when that happens it makes the individual a danger to all who love them.
Physical death is nothing in comparison.
Thanks for writing this piece. I take much pleasure in the newsletters you send to my inbox.
Liz
Samuel Njoroge says
Hey Marc.
Inspiring stuff here. I agree that indeed most people live in their default settings. All these fears are nothing more than our minds’ limitations. Thanks for this.
Enyonam says
I’ve been blessed with this post. God bless you Marc and Angel. I’ve been reading your posts for a while now, am always blessed and learn a lot from all of them.
+-Life. says
Discomfort is growth!
Anytime we’re doing something that we find hard or challenging, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow from the experience.
That’s what stepping out of your comfort zone is all about.
Do something that’s uncomfortable.
Do it till’ it becomes comfortable.
Then you’ve expanded your comfort zone.
So embrace discomfort, grow and be the best version of yourself!
Jana says
Instead of hiding behind your life roles and fake smiles… don’t be afraid to face your fears and to speak up when you feel a need to speak.
Bubbles says
When you eat something delicious you moan in pleasure. Same was the case with me when I was reading this article. “Oh God, this is just too good. Everything that I wanted to read!”
Although all the points gave me something to ponder over, point number 2 (don’t be afraid to trust yourself) and point number 3 (don’t be afraid to live your truth) really struck a cord. It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately; identifying my weaknesses, accepting my flaws and trying to be a better version of myself everyday.
Point number 2 made me appreciate how far I’ve made in my journey – where I once was and where I am now.
I won’t let any moment cripple me, I will trust myself and move forward everyday InSha Allah 🙂
Linda says
I appreciate very much how much this adds to “I can do all things through Jesus who strengthens me.” (Apostle Paul in the New Testament)
Ope says
Marc and Angel; special beings indeed are you two are. All I want to say is thank you a thousand times. It’s not easy in this crazy, beautiful world. All I can say is thank you for always opening our eyes to behold the best perspectives.
Thank you also to everyone (All the people that posted a comment here, and even those who did not.)
Love from Nigeria. Have been a family of this platform since 2013. I have been reading posts and comments from you guys since then.
Thank you.
Ope
Redagas says
Your words have the power to heal one’s heart?.
Karen says
I will be turning 69 on Feb 7. I will be having 2 hip surgeries this year. That puts some activities on hold for the year of my 70th birthday. I’ve asked my grandson to go sky diving with me. He said cool that’s a deal. I became a widow in 2017. The worst year I have ever had. I have not been living a good life since. I put everything I had into thinking my life was over. Your post here has been a real wake up call. Thank you.
Dorita says
This comment hit home. “no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel.” I often feel judged which I think keeps me from being open with others. As I write the thought that came to me their opinion does have to be my truth. I am still trying process handle other people’s judgments.
Thanks for your insight.