To a great extent, we make our own life stories by our thoughts.
Starting right now, you can decide how you spend your time, whom you socialize with, whom you share your life, money and energy with. You can pick your words and the tone of voice in which you speak to others. You can select what you will eat, read and study. You can choose how you’re going to respond to unfortunate situations when they arise, and whether you will see them as curses or opportunities for growth…
And most importantly, you can choose your thoughts, which dictate pretty much everything else.
In other words, you are what you think. You can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking.
Here are twenty thoughts it’s time to change:
Note: Our NEW edition of 1,000 Little Things is available now.
- “My dreams and goals can wait.” – Live a life you are proud of. In the end, your greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things that don’t matter to you. We never tell ourselves that we will never live our dreams. Instead we just keep talking about how we will start living our dreams tomorrow.
- “I don’t have time.” – Bottom line: “I don’t have time,” is really just another, perhaps politer, or perhaps naive, way of saying, “It’s not that important to me.”
- “I’m not talented enough.” – Learn the value of work and practice – just the repeated concerted effort to get better at things. Forget the notions of talent and genius. I can hear you thinking, “Oh, these other people, they just have something that I don’t have.” When really, they are just people who work and practice more. Understand this. Work and practice are the keys to anything you want to do. If you want to play the guitar – anybody can learn to play the guitar – you can be good at it. Maybe you won’t be Jimi Hendrix, but you could be really good. You can be good enough to write good songs or make music with others or whatever. There’s no such thing as not having enough talent to get to that level. Because persistence is talent, really. Just sticking with it. Talent is not stopping.
- “This problem is too big to solve.” – The problem is not the problem. The problem is the incredible amount of over-thinking you’re doing with the problem. Let it go and be free.
- “I’m not ready yet.” – The truth is nobody ever feels ready when an opportunity arises. Because great opportunities in life force us to grow emotionally and intellectually. They force us to stretch ourselves and our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel comfortable at first. And when we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t feel ready. But that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes the course of our lives depends on what we do or don’t do in a few seconds, a heartbeat, when we either seize an opportunity, or just miss it. Miss the moment and you may never get a chance again. So in case you never get a second chance, don’t be afraid! And what if you do get a second chance? Take it! It’s as simple as that.
- “I knew I wasn’t good enough.” – Your struggle is part of your story. Being rejected from something you want often means you are being directed toward something you need.
- “I’m a failure.” – Not trying is failing. Everything else is just practice. It’s OK if you mess up, that’s how you get wiser. Give yourself a break. And don’t give up! Good things take time, and you’re getting there, one step at a time.
- “I just want everything to be easy.” – In every adversity there is a message. Struggles and crises are nature’s way of forcing change – breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can grow in their place. So remember, just because you are struggling does NOT mean you are failing. Every great success requires some kind of struggle to get there. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals & Success” chapter of our brand NEW edition of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- “They have it so much easier than me.” – No one has it easier than you. Every one of us is fighting our own private battles. The strongest among us aren’t those who show strength we can see, but those who have won incredible inner battles we know nothing about.
- “I have nothing to be thankful for.” – Choose positivity today. If you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, think for a moment and be thankful for what you’ve escaped. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter if your glass is half empty or half full. Be thankful that you have a glass and that there’s something in it.
- “I have too many flaws.” – Wrong. When you’re comfortable in your skin, even your flaws look beautiful. And once you’ve embraced your flaws, no one can use them against you.
- “They don’t have what it takes either.” – We have enough critics. Be an encourager. One sincere word of encouragement after failure is worth more than a day of praise after success. So start cheering for the people around you. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.
- “I don’t have time for anyone else.” – One of the most spiritual things you can do is embrace your humanity. Connect with those around you today. Say, “I love you,” “I apologize,” “I appreciate you,” “I’m proud of you”… whatever you’re feeling. Send random emails and texts, write a friendly note, embrace your truth and share it. Create a smile today for someone else… and give plenty of hugs. This connectedness will strengthen you.
- “My closest relationships can wait.” – If you never stop to enjoy who’s beside you, someday you’ll realize you’ve wasted all your years looking for something, a sort of trophy you think you’ll get only if you really, really do enough to deserve it. But then one day you’ll wake up and not want it anymore; you’ll want something else, something warm and sheltering, something you can turn to, regardless of what you do, regardless of who you have ultimately become. Something that will just be there, always, like tomorrow’s morning sky. And the only way to create this “something” is to nurture the amazing people in your life.
- “I can break my promise just this once.” – Be committed. Commitment means staying loyal and keeping your promises, long after the time and mood you made the promises in has left you. Doing so is vital to relationships and long-term success in every imaginable walk of life.
- “One little lie couldn’t hurt.” – Lying is a vicious disease. It spreads quickly. And liars are the only people who expect acknowledgment for being honest. Don’t be one of them. Don’t lie. Do the right thing, even if you are the only one who knows.
- “They care about me, but they are just too busy to keep their promises.” – It may be hard to accept, but when you are important to another person, they will always find a way to make time for you – no excuses, no lies, and no broken promises.
- “I refuse to cry.” – We need never be ashamed of our tears. Do not apologize or feel ashamed for crying. Without this emotion, you are only a robot. Crying is one of the highest devotional songs. The ones who know crying, know what it means to be spiritual. If you can cry with a pure heart – through forgiveness and acceptance – nothing else compares to such a prayer. Crying includes all the core principles of humanity. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in detail in the “Letting Go” chapter of our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.)
- “I refuse to forgive.” – Forgive the past. It’s over. Learn from it and let go. People and situations are constantly growing and changing. Do not cling to a limited, disconnected, negative image of a person or time in the past. See your life now. Your relationships and circumstances are always alive and changing.
- “My heart has been broken too many times to take new risks.” – Sometimes it takes a heartbreak or a major letdown to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we are settling for. Will letting go be hard? Sure, but not nearly as hard as holding on to something that wasn’t real. You have to put your heart out there. Because the emotions that can break your heart are oftentimes the very ones that heal it and help it grow.
Now, it’s YOUR turn…
Train your mind to see the opportunity in everything. Positivity and mindfulness are choices. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
Pick one of the thoughts above, and start reworking it in your mind, a little bit every day.
And I would love to hear from YOU too…
Please leave me a comment below and let which one you decided to start with, and why. 🙂
(Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.)
Susan says
I struggle with judging myself in so many ways, especially my looks. It’s been a battle since I was a teenager, but practicing small gestures of self-love each day has really helped. I’ve been shifting my focus from simply seeing beauty as my outer appearance, to always seeing myself as a beautiful person, no matter how I look on the outside.
Thank you so much for the encouragement you have given me over the past couple of years. You and Marc have been lifesavers to me. And you have also helped a close friend of mine. I bought her your book a few months ago and we have had several positive discussions about it (and her life) since then.
Jason Cammillo says
Your emails continue to arrive on time. For me, I often struggle with thinking that now is not yet the right time. I always put off taking the next step on the things I want to accomplish. In this area, you have helped me immensely. In fact, I now constantly remind myself with this affirmation: “Don’t put off living to next week, next month, next year or next decade. The only time you’re ever living is in this moment. LIVE IT, Jay!”
Sandra Palwa says
Just as you say, I fully believe that mind is pliable and we can change how we think. Naturally, some of our patterns are very deep-seated so it takes time. Fear has been an ongoing thread in my life, but less so as I continue to see that most of the time it’s just another construction of my mind. Thanks for the encouragement to take hold of our negative patterns and turn them around. Also just invested in your course a couple weeks back and truly appreciating the results so far. 🙂
Doreen says
Sandra – It sounds like you and I are at very similar places in our lives. My deep-seated patterns of thought make it so easy to go “negative” when things don’t go the way I expect. I want to replace these old ways of reacting and learn new ways of seeing things. I need to be more calm and present in the moment, instead of projecting out into the future dire consequences. I need to let go of all the “shoulds” that I carry around that leave me feeling disappointed by people and events. I want to turn this all around, but I’m not sure where to start so I bought the course last month too. It’s given me so much to think about. I hope you are finding more happiness too!
Karen says
Am struggling with My heart has been broken too many times to take new risks.”that am afraid to let go of,but now that am starting to understand what you saying to me,am changing that mind set that I have. Thank you so much.
Sharon says
Beginning a new chapter in my life. Past 2 years have been a whirlwind of loss and quite painful. I receive your daily dose of positive words and actions and look forward to the motivation. Thank you for these as they help me with my baby steps. Learning to let go and live?
Sharon says
Thank you
Tea says
I’m completely alone. I have 2 adult sons, but in order to afford housing I had to move away from them. All my relatives are dead. I have no friends that make time for me because they all have partners and children and lives of their own. I’ve been single for 25 years. I can’t remember the last time I was hugged. I never thought about any of these things until I hit 60 years old and realized I’ll probably be alone the rest of my days. I’m OK most days, but the sad, lonely days are so painful.
You say you have to go through hard times to get to the good stuff. I’m wondering after so many decades when it will be my turn. I am positive most of the time. I read your books and listen to The Secret a lot, sometimes daily.
I wonder how other people in their 60s that have no one make friends and how do you know who to trust? I was raised by a narcissistic mother who really messed up my trust instinct.
I’m going to attempt to start a business I’m passionate about while I’m still working and I’m hoping to make some new friends that way. Fingers crossed.
Some guy says
From one stranger to the next. Whatever you are doing now, it isn’t working for you. Try something different, a full 180..maybe even out of your comfort zone. Try a new hobby, sport or interest you haven’t before, you may not know if you like it until you try it. These hobbies can easily cultivate new friendships. Also, keep the positive energy flowing, and push out the negative thoughts. Others are always seeking positive people, so if you are positive yourself you will attract others. Another thought I have found is that us humans by nature are takers. If you can find a way to work more “giving” to others, (this doesn’t mean money, this means time) making friends is easy. That can also apply to your business endeavours as well! Find solutions for others, give your time.
Good luck!
samantha says
Hello Tea, Have you ever been to your High School Class Reunion?
Monica Mills says
I can so relate to what you are feeling. I, too, just turned sixty, and changed my life more than 180 degrees. I gave up teaching (my dream come true which became a nightmare after 20 years) and moved 1000 miles away and embarked on a new career. It is hard. I have two adult children, no grandchildren, and am not needed by them. I TRULY go out of my way to be friendly to my co-workers (who are “oh, so busy…”) and quickly realized the friendship pool there was very slim. I tried a hiking group (click) and am now trying volunteer work. I really resent those who want to stick the NEGATIVITY label on us old ladies. Geez…I have invested so much over the years, into relationships, and jobs, and I’ve come out with this? I feel robbed. I’m so sick of the game…put on a face for work, be bubbly with your friends. I’m sorry, but what is wrong with everybody? Is it really ME?
Donii Orvino says
I’m completely enthralled w/ #18.
If you can cry with a pure heart – through forgiveness and acceptance – nothing else compares to such a prayer. Nothing could be closer to the truth. I couldn’t cry as a child, and now as an adult, I cry with humility and love in Christ. Thank you, Marc & Angel, your words are truly a Godsend. ??
Amy says
I like this but I disagree about forgiving. There are some things that people do to you that is never forgivable no matter how much we grow and change. Yes life goes on and we all just have to go on. Things click in my head and I can never get back to how it was before. If that makes any sense. Like a light bulb switch and it changes the way you think and you see it in a new way and its worst (negative) than how you saw it before. Because it is the truth when you see it everyday.
LarryL says
I relate to the person who is in their 60s although I am technically married I feel like I’m totally living alone but there really is no excuse for that I’m going to a retreat this weekend with many other men in the same 12 step program I am in looking forward to it and also being very anxious about it but Mark and Angel give some good points thank you for your AdviceLa
Sasirekha Subramanian says
There is no such thing as lack of talent; only lack of sincere and focused effort. Thank you for this beautiful mail. You seem to have an uncanny ability to reach out to people at the right time. Your past mails have helped me tremendously.
Juddles says
It has been a while since ive actually taken notice of your emails if im honest, today is not one of those days.
The universe is obviously directing me to read this in depth because im am struggling right now with a romance, that is very new, but im not sure i want it. I think i know what i need to do, but need to find the courage. So 20 definitely resonates with me.
Thank you and very timely, i will be bringing out your book when i get home tonight, its time to start reading it again.
Irene Franco says
I started forgiving the past and the people that hurt me. I could say that I succeeded, and I am very much happy about and proud of myself. There are a lot of benefits I gained through forgiveness. I felt lighter, there is no more hatred; I am happier; and more positivity came my way. 🙂
Vineet says
“This problem is too big to solve.”
You are right when you say that ‘overthinking’ is the main problem. Rather than focusing on what we can do, we just think ‘Oh, here is another problem, as if I did not have enough going on in my life.’
Though cliched, ‘Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.’ is the right way to look at life.
Whenever I fumble, have a tiring day or maddening traffic gets on my nerves, I correct my attitude and it helps me see the situation differently. Your post are so positive and helpful. Continue with your sincere efforts!
Huong says
My summary on the 20 ways of understandable and communications
In life. After I read through all the
main points are the generalizations,
mindfulness and Skillfulness on compassionate in embrace the emotional when the relationship
started Giving by both people in love. There are definitely wonderful plans to flow through with happiness??
katherine lora says
one just can’t stop their heart from falling all over again and again. these thoughts are so captivating and nurturing. Love them 🙂
Cassie Jo says
Your emails and blog always touch on things happening at the moment =) Thank you.
Vernon Layne says
Subconsciously, I think we want everything to be easy.
It takes work and practice as you said to get what you want in life.
We get out what we are willing to put into it.
Most of us do not know what we cannot do until we tell ourselves we can’t.
We tell ourselves how dangerous it may be or how ridiculous it sounds.
We are quick to put ourselves in touch with our faults and limitations.
When we are done believing the lies we tell ourselves, we have effectively talked ourselves into doing nothing.
Again
Anna says
I never thought I was good enough, but those thoughts weren’t that obvious; it was more just a feeling of hopelessness that really had me in a tight grip. Not all the time, of course, but it would pop up and take over at the tiniest trigger. I never realised I had actual anxiety, and most likely depression, too. There haven’t been any drastic changes in my life, but the way I see and think about myself couldn’t be more different. Since I started my medication. Yep. There was nothing wrong with me, or my life; it was all a chemical imbalance in my brain. Now, I’m not saying that everyone should be medicating, but rather that those thoughts and feelings of not being good enough might just be made up by your mind. And if your brain can create it, you can beat it! I love these kinds of posts, that shows people how powerful their own mind is. I really hope it’s being taken to heart.