(This is an excerpt from the new edition of 1,000 Little Things.)
She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it expects nothing in return. The ground just accepts her for who she is.
As she sits at the bar next to me, she stares down at her vodka tonic, and then the ground, and then her vodka tonic. “Most people don’t get me,” she says. “They ask me questions like, ‘What’s your problem?’ or ‘Were you mistreated as a child?’ But I never respond. Because I don’t feel like explaining myself. And I don’t think they really care anyway.”
The music is getting loud and I can see that she needs to talk. I ask, “Want to get some fresh air?”
In the chilly night air, she tells me her story. As she speaks, her emotional gaze shifts from the ground, to my eyes, to the moonlit sky, to the ground, and back to my eyes again.
When she finishes, she says, “Well, now you know my story. You think I’m a freak, don’t you?”
“Place your right hand on your chest,” I tell her. She does. “Do you feel something?” I ask.
“Yeah, I feel my heartbeat.”
“Now, place both of your hands on your face and move them around slowly.” She does. “What do you feel now?” I ask.
“Well, I feel my eyes, my nose, my mouth . . . I feel my face.”
“That’s right,” I reply. “But unlike you, stories don’t have heartbeats, and they don’t have faces. Because stories are not alive . . . they’re not people. They’re just stories.”
She stares into my eyes for a long moment, smiles, and says, “Just stories we live through.”
“Yeah… and stories we learn from.”
Letting Go… and Moving Forward
Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is.
Too often old stories and worn out ideas hold us down in ways we don’t even realize. We need to practice letting them go. And this letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. It’s a process of gradually rewriting the script we’ve been reciting to ourselves for far too long. And that’s what this list is all about—identifying the negative stories in your head, seeing how they effect your daily behavior, and then letting go to make room for positive change.
Right now, it’s time to remind yourself…
1. The past can steal your present if you let it.
Just like that woman I met, you can spend hours, days, weeks, months, or even years overanalyzing a situation from the past, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or should’ve happened. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and walk out the door into the sunlight.
2. Not everyone, and not everything, is meant to stay.
Some circumstances and people come into our lives just to strengthen us or teach us, so that we can move on without them.
3. Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.
Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts, it’s what you do with what you have left.
4. Sometimes you just need to do your best and surrender the rest.
Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment. And that is all I can expect of anyone, including me.” Love yourself and be proud of everything you do, even your mistakes. Because even mistakes mean you’re trying.
5. You are in control of only one person: yourself.
Letting go in your relationships doesn’t always mean that you don’t care about others anymore; it’s simply realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.
6. What’s right for you may be wrong for others, and vice versa.
Think for yourself, and allow others the privilege of doing so too. You need to live your life your way—the way that’s right for you.
7. Some people will refuse to accept you for who you are.
When you’re comfortable in your skin, not everyone will like you, and that’s OK. It’s always worth doing what’s right and being true to yourself.
8. Relationships can only exist on a steady foundation of truth.
When you build relationships based on truth and authenticity, rather than masks, false perfection, and being phony, your relationships will heal, connect, and thrive.
9. The world changes when you change.
Our thoughts and perceptions create our world. If you truly want to change your life, you must first change your mind.
10. You can make decisions, or you can make excuses.
Don’t let what you can’t do stop you from what you can. Do what you can with what you have right now. Stop overthinking and start doing!
11. It usually takes just a few negative remarks to kill a person’s dream.
Don’t kill people’s dreams with negative words, and don’t put up with those who do. Don’t let people interrupt you and tell you that you can’t do something. If you have a dream that you’re passionate about, you must protect it, and help others do the same.
12. Sometimes walking away is the only way to win.
Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who have shown they don’t care. In other words, don’t define your intelligence by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have said, “This needless nonsense is not worth my time.”
Now, it’s your turn…
In the NEW edition of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently, Marc and I guide students through this process of letting go and stepping forward.
And of course, it’s far from easy. One of the hardest lessons in life involves the ability to change your perspective and let go—whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss. The change is always tough—you fight to hold on and you fight to let go. But letting go from the inside out is oftentimes the healthiest path forward. It clears out toxic attachments and paves the way for you to make the most positive use of the present.
You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from some of the stories and ideas that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond them and the pain they bring you.
Honestly, that’s why Marc and I are publishing a brand new and updated volume of 1,000 Little Things, to be that daily reminder for anyone who’s struggling to change their situation for the better. It’s a compendium filled with our best advice on overcoming setbacks, letting go of what is holding us back, nurturing relationships, finding time for self-care and cultivating passion in order to achieve our important goals.
Check out the official book trailer here:
And note that when you order the new book today you also get $25 in bonuses for free. So, order now and then just reply to this post in the comments section below, and paste your Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. order/receipt number. Marc or I will personally email you within 24 hours with instructions for getting your free bonus. (We’ll keep your reply private too, if you ask us to.) 🙂
Kathi says
M&A, I just wanted to quickly leave a note of thanks. Your new book is helping me through a difficult and often painful separation. Thank you so much. I highly recommend your work to anyone going through a challenging time. It does get better (even when you’re certain it won’t). I’m already seeing the little signs of a more peaceful life ahead.
Jeanne L Rosenberry says
Ordered on June 5, 2019 Order# 113-6166718-0878619
Michele Minietta says
Jun 3, 2019
Order #
112-7198101-9048246
Order total
$12.32 (1 item)
Amazon.com
Jason Bale says
I have just started reading the book, and so far I like what I have read in each section. At first the table of contents seemed overwhelming so I decided just to start from the beginning and that seems to be working the best. I can tell a lot of thought has been put into all of the tips with how applicable and effective they have been to me thus far.
So like the previous reply said, THANKS! I will be revisiting 1000 Little Things over and over again and will share with others.
Regards from Ottawa. :).
Crissie says
Love your work. Looking forward to reading the new book.
Amazon order number: 112-5700945-1143515
Cheryl Akey says
Amazon.com order number: D01-0198697-0701039
Order Total:$9.99
Thank You Marc & Angel. I look forward to reading this book.
Faye says
I wish I read this earlier
Betsy says
“This needless nonsense is not worth my time.” Perfect reminder for why I’m finally leaving a job I once loved. Thank you for the honesty and truth.
Faith says
Hey Marcangel,
I hope you are proud of the great work you are doing. Your articles were one of the few things I was able to cling to at a time when my life was falling apart and I am a better person for it. They speak of truths we need to keep reminding ourselves. So, thank you and I hope you keep writing.
Lynne says
Looking forward to this.
Amazon.com order number: D01-8467168-1843432
Minna says
Please leave this post privat 🙂
I preordered your book and maybe there is no gift in it for me, but I wanted to gift you two my gratitude!! I love your books, the way you work with Social Media and the heart and genuine support you share.
I’m inspired and uplifted.
Thank you!
Minna
Bev says
Can’t wait for the book. Read all your emails and blogs and it’s really helped. I have your book getting back to happy also.
Amazon order number
Details
Order #114-4975992-7265825
S. Johnson says
I purchased your very first book and it truly has blessed me my friends and family. I ordered this new book for myself and a few family members. Thank you for all that you do!
Order Placed: June 4, 2019
Amazon.com order number: 111-9337073-3521056
Order Total: $39.18
Ordered Price
3 of: 1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently, Chernoff, Marc
Sold by: Amazon.com Services, Inc
Condition: New
Winnie O'Donnell says
I just bought the book and here is my receipt number!
Order Placed: June 4, 2019
Amazon.com order number: 113-5875799-3904231
Order Total: $13.09
Winnie ODonnell
Patricia says
Order # 112-6770508_-91850 Amazon.com $12.32 Thank you.☺
Leslie Heredia says
Order# 114-4160688-4097051 Look forward to reading it. Please keep comment private
Thanks!!
Mary Kay says
Order Number: 111-0594623-2189803
I can’t wait to get it!
Patricia Alfonso says
Regarding order #112-6770508-91850 36Amazon.com was preordered on May 28,received June 3. Not sure if I qualify for the bonus.
Thanks. Love the book!
Linda says
Order Number: 112-6308868-2167429
1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently will be shipped to Amazon Locker – Sparta by Amazon.com.
Patricia says
Correct order number # 112-6770508-9185036 Amazon.com Thanks
Jeanette Jackson says
Order Number: 113-5073037-4534600
Diane Bernard says
Can’t wait to start reading this!
Order #D01-2152052-5222662
Placed on Wednesday, June 5, 2019
1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently
Kindle Edition
Sold by Penguin Group (USA) LLC
Review this item
Nakul Grover says
Hi, Marc
Long time back, I discovered this blog on Stumbleupon. Since then I’m coming back to your posts every now and then. Your writing never failed to encourage me to take actions in positive direction. Thanks again for these 12 simple points about letting go.
Looking forward to reading your new book soon. 🙂 🙂
Cara says
Order Number: 113-0504549-4975469
Shirley Kaye says
I purchased the new 1000+ Things book on May 27, 2019 from Barnes & Noble, Order Number 4079648504, with a bunch of other books. The price for your book was $11.52 because I had a 20% off whole order coupon. If the offer for free additional items is still on, please let me know. The book arrived two days ago and I’ve been too busy to even open the box until last night! I’m looking forward to reading it. I bought the new Getting Back to Happy book quite a while after it was published and read it, and now I am re-reading it a bit at a time so that the knowledge will sink in!
I appreciate your blog very much and have recommended it to several people. One of my guy friends has found it very helpful, and since he told me so, he must really enjoy it because he isn’t one to exaggerate. You are helping more people than you know.
Angela Merchant says
View order details
Order date
Jun 3, 2019
Order #
114-5131812-5809020
Order total
$13.11 (1 item)
Leslie Heredia says
My book is on its way!!
Order # 114-4160688-4097051
+-Life. says
“Sometimes loving someone means letting them go”
– Ellen Hopkins
Emma says
Order number #206-9907410-3336359
Just ordered both books and can’t wait to start from Amazon uk.
Thanks
Redagas says
I’m first for the first time. I just love your Blog!❤❤❤ You make me even stronger every time!
Tori says
Looking forward to reading the updated version. I love reading your blog and I share it with others in my life often!!! Thanks so much for sharing your stories and your client stories, it’s nice to know sometimes what I am going through that I am not alone and it gives hope for getting to the other side too.
Order # D01-6437160-1107410
Judy Patterson says
Ordered! Left a reply but not seeing it in feed. Amazon Order# #114-6700968-2737049. Please keep email private.
Thank you!
Tracy says
I just purchased the new book 1000 + things happy successful people do differently. I am totally in love with this book it speaks to every area of my life and then some. I almost read the entire book in one afternoon. I am going to use it in my life now and moving forward.