Mental strength is incredibly important. Take care of your mind and the way you speak to yourself. Don’t let negative self-talk weaken you today.
Life changes every single day, and so can we. That’s the truth, yet oftentimes we feel hopelessly stuck against our will. Why? Because the changes we seek breed uncertainty, and life can be hard to navigate when we’re uncertain about things.
We feel confused and displaced, and we begin filling our gaps of understanding with stories about how life is. But these stories often do us more harm than good.
Imagine you’re in the midst of changing jobs, building a business, or getting in shape. What’s the story you’re telling yourself about incorporating this change into your life? Does it involve you being the confident hero of the story? Or a character that doesn’t believe he or she can do it, and is therefore reluctant to even try? If you’re thinking the latter, you’re not alone—lots of us struggle in this same way.
Now, take another moment and imagine if the great fictional stories of our time went along the lines of the self-defeating stories we tell ourselves:
- Bruce Wayne never tries on his Batman suit because he doesn’t think he has what it takes to make a difference in Gotham City, so he sits at home and browses social media instead.
- Buffy Summers refuses her role as a vampire slayer, because she has never tried to slay a vampire before, so why start now.
- Harry Potter doesn’t battle Voldemort because it’s too much work for a kid his age, and he decides it’d be a lot easier to stay in his room and play video games.
- Frodo Baggins gives the One Ring back to his cousin and heads back to the Shire, because he believes the quest ahead of him is far too risky.
These would be awful stories, wouldn’t they?
And yet, the stories we tell ourselves about our desires and goals tend to follow along these same unfavorable lines. As soon as the going gets slightly tough, we fall apart from the inside out.
Consider a recent example in your own life:
What’s a positive change you’ve tried to make in your life, but have desperately struggled with?
Whatever the positive change is, think about the story you started telling yourself the minute you realized you weren’t making progress as fast as you expected. Do your best to visualize the story in detail so you can better clarify what’s been really going on in your head. This is quite significant. Because the story you tell yourself in your head is often the one that gets written in reality.
Sadly, I bet you fail because of this story more frequently than you realize – it likely gets in your way far more than any actual real-world obstacles you’re facing. And it starts off something like…
- “I’m not good enough…”
- “I suck…”
- “I’m going to fail…”
- “I’m just wasting my time…”
- “It doesn’t matter that much anyway…”
- “It’s not worth the time and risk…”
- “I’ll do it tomorrow instead…”
- “I’d rather watch Netflix…”
- etc.
So what can you do if your story is hurting you more than it’s helping?
Change the darn story you’re telling yourself!
Be the hero of your story.
Here’s what you need to start telling yourself…
When you’re feeling discouraged and doubtful, and lacking the mindset you need to step forward, reflect on the simple mantras below. Over the years, Marc and I have worked with hundreds of course students who have successfully used these mantras to change their inner dialog and fuel their positivity on the toughest of days. So pick one (or more) that’s relevant to your present struggle, and repeat it in your mind until it sinks in…
- Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being great. Do the best you can until you know better. Once you know better, do better.
- Stop running away. Breathe. Be where you are. You’re where you’re supposed to be at this very moment. Every step and experience is necessary.
- Use disappointment and frustration to motivate you rather than annoy you. Be mindful. You are in control of the way you respond to life.
- You are not a product of your circumstances. You are a product of your decisions. It’s about deciding to NOT let your frustration or fear decide your future.
- Don’t compare your progress with that of others. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Focus on the step you are taking now, and make the best of it.
- In a culture that seeks instant results, we must learn the beauty of effort, patience, and perseverance. Be strong, present, and steadfast. Stick to your positive daily rituals. (Marc and I build positive daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
- Patience is a genuine expression of confidence, acceptance, serenity, and faith in your own ability. It’s a sign of strength. Practice it.
- As you face life’s inevitable obstacles, remember, it’s far better to be exhausted from lots of effort and learning, than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing. (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of our NEW edition of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Your struggle is part of your story. Being rejected from something you want often means you are being directed toward something you need…to take the next best step forward.
- No life story is one chapter long. No chapter tells the whole tale. No mistake defines who you are. Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.
Big Changes Happen Gradually, in Small Steps
All details aside, when it comes to making a significant change in your life—finding a new job, building a business, getting in shape, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, being more productive, or any other personal journey that takes time, patience, and commitment—one thing you have to ask yourself is:
“Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”
Think about it. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing—growing happens when what you know changes how you live. Every single day.
It won’t be easy. You will inevitably struggle along the way.
But the story you tell yourself will get you there, step by step.
Now, it’s your turn…
We would love to hear from YOU.
So let’s revisit the questions presented in the body of this post:
- What’s a positive change you’ve tried to make in your life, but have struggled with?
- What’s the story you’re telling yourself about this change/struggle?
- How is this story affecting you?
Leave a reply below and share your thoughts.
Or, please just leave Marc and me a comment and let us know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
(Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.)
Michelle V. says
Wow! This post struck the right chord with me today. It’s such perfect reminder for my #1 vice: telling myself I’m not good enough.
I completed your GBTH course about six months ago and have referenced several of the lessons again since then. Why? Because the mindset strategies in it (and provided via the included coaching) have helped me keep my self-limiting story line (“you’re not good enough for XYZ, Jane”) in check. This post reinforces this and will certainly be used as a supplementary reference. Thank you for continuing to create positive changes in my life.
watts claudia says
HY GUYS?
ohh wow, this has just opened my eyes sp big that i will not be sleeping for the next few days.
i am the person whom will self inflict low self asteem and thsi asticle has come to me just in time as i alm strugling with my life choices. thqnk you
Janna says
As usual, you guys delivered this to my inbox at an opportune time.
The whole concept of changing our stories to change our lives makes so much sense to me. I’ve struggled with telling myself that I’m not making progress fast enough in my professional life. As a husband and father of three, I feel pressure to be professionally successful–to give my family the best life possible. And in doing so, I frequently catch myself comparing myself negatively to other men and women in my profession who are farther along than me.
Anyhow, you’ve given me some food for thought. And for that I’m grateful.
I’m going to look into your course and your 2019 live event recording, as I’m certain I have lots of room for improvement when it comes to shifting my mindset and inner dialog. And I’m sure doing so will help me personally and professionally–two birds with one stone.
Christian Stevens says
I’m buying both your books for both my daughters for their birthdays next month. I’m PRAYING they open them up to read every word! I have felt a change in the way that I think since I’ve started reading your emails. I’m sure they have both learned their negativity from me & it breaks my heart.
I’d give anything to be able to attend one of your conferences but that is utterly impossible with my health & situation. Love to read your stuff!
Nancy says
I just found you guys while researching another change I’m trying to implement in my life.
I woke up with all the mind chat I normally have and checked my email and here you are.
Just reading this has put me in a better place and that’s so hopeful. I will continue following and reading as I need this for myself right now. Just trying to learn not to be my own worst enemy and move forward in life.
Keep doing what you do as there is power in your words. Until later, take care.
Nancy
Penny Douglas says
Another “This came at the right time” message! I am facing treatment for cancer . The first time I was so positive & got through it easily. For the last few days I have been having doubts. But then your message came & I know I can beat it with the help of what I do to help myself. Take my life into my own hands, with the ‘right’ thoughts etc, make the decision to be positive…..Penny
Vaida says
U are already a winner!
Keep it up
Moulya Roy says
I had recently started a new job and have been looking down upon myself, lots ifself doubt and fear of failure. Just today on my way back home i was wondering what’s the purpose of all this.
And I opened my email and saw this post. It seems like the answer to my question. I have the power to create what I want to be by telling myself the story repeatedly. I know I am good enough, and I trust the universe has brought me to my current situation for a purpose.. My job is to live it…in the best way I can..by believing the success story I create.
Thank you Marc and Angel.
Love
Moulya
Maria C. says
Thank you for these posts. I read every one and am always amazed at how you pinpoint my every struggle and provide such help with understanding. Especially the ongoing unhealthy and negative dialogue in my head!!
They always push the “reset” button for me for to keep again and again!
You deliver the message SO WELL and I am so eternally grateful!
Rachel Starner says
Thanks for these important reminders this morning. As the others have said, mindset is very important and getting back to the positive is important even if you are in a spin of negativity (I find when I am conscious of it, I try to let it run its course and it usually does within few hours or maybe a day). I’m still not completely sure what the path is to what I want to do based on my current constraints but I have decided that something will come my way as long as I keep doing the work evaluating options with the thought that it could take some time. And, thankfully, we have your reminders to keep us on track if we do get in a funk or need a boost.
Ed says
What’s a positive change you’ve tried to make in your life, but have struggled with? Started studying a high level project management course and think I am going to fail. Its part time and I don’t even like it. Its to help me get out of a job that I don’t like, because all the things I love don’t pay well. I feel I am doomed to die as one of the 80-90% of people who dislike their jobs.
What’s the story you’re telling yourself about this change/struggle? This is one struggle I don’t know how to get out of. I feel I am wasting 8 months (if I pass) so I can get into a shit job that is slightly less shit than my current one.
How is this story affecting you? Negatively. Its hard changing my psychological narrative when I’m actively engaging in things day and night that is everything I hate engaging in.
Tenia says
This was a wonderful article. I really enjoyed reading it, for the positivity it brings and gives me the willingness to want to push harder, and strive for my true reality.
Marlene Abraham says
I agree with your analysis. Beginner’s Mind is key to creating a new perspective and attitude. If I want to improve and/or change anything in my life it starts with an honest decision and then action. We create our habits and our habits define who we are. There are things that we need to recognize that we do not have control over and yet there are still many choices that we can make. I do not struggle with what life throws my way. I must sometimes pause and do my personal best to use those experiences for fertilizer to grow my knowledge and emotional courage and strength. Thank you for this essay.
Dhanender kumar says
You are an inspiration for the people who want to change but afraid to take any step because of the fear they have inside them, I am one of them and really need your guidance to come out of the fear of change
Nitya Rambhadran says
Loved the blog post! Truly motivating.
I agree with you completely- small steps gradually helps us to achieve our big goals.
JS says
I need to make decition which direction I will go right now in my life.
To me it is all black and white, yet after reading the article, seems there are obviously more options than two. Just my non-imagination and low esteem to decide for myself keeps me from taking any further steps.
I blame financies-not enough of it to start to do anything I like doing. And then taking all the jobs with low pay. Really low-that how my low esteem and worthiness is.
So I am asking myself right now where to start? Even the story of not liking myself continue, I know I want my future different. No more low pay jobs. I want to be able to love myself again. Starting right at this moment having patience by my side.
What will I do?
Don’t know yet. But having a thought in my mind that I am worthy of living much colourful life then is what I live just now.
Thank you for your words of the encouragement to be able to make a difference in my life again.
Huong says
Dear Marc and Angel!
Thank You So Much for the Powerful guidance and encouragement, I have learned a lots of these subjects. I’m very appreciated for the great articles, and it’s helping me to keep my thoughts and mind in peace.
Anthony Byrd says
You are so right, my wife recently left me again. I have made so many mistakes and have done a lot of harm to her and our children. Now, I feel stuck and uncertain, what to do next and it’s the story I keep telling myself (I am not marriage material, I am a loser and failure, I have made too many mistakes and I can’t turn things around) that’s hurting me the most. I want to be happy but I don’t know how. Thank you for your blog. It does remind me, that I am not alone.
Mela says
The phrase that struck me most in this very thougtful and thought provoking article was “ you are not a product of your circumstances but of your decisions”. This is a terrific help to me right now . Even if I may have made poor decisions inthe past but I have the choice to make better ones every day Loved the whole article
Paul Carvalho says
I feel so blessed to have found your web-site, I have brought two of the book you wrote, getting Back to Happy & 1000 little things. I am still reading them, because I take my time so I can get the most of what You and Angel wrote about. It’s everything I need. Also blessed to receive you e-mails every week. I just want to say Thanks for what you are doing, and you are always in my prayers..
I am a better person because of what you write about. Again Thank you. Paul Carvalho
Jan says
Your comments recinate with me at the momment..I am 64 and u have had to give up work because of depression .stress anxiety attacks..I have lost confidence and its a real adjustment as I have worked all my adult life.. I have a couple if things in the pipeline but its moving slowly. Iis hard filling my days and I need some positive encouragement .thats just what you give me.thank you so much.
beach teach says
So many things I want/need to change. I began this summer with a list of things in my life that need improvement, after a grueling school year. the year ended with an unexpected switch to a new grade level to teach in the fall, when I expected to be receiving a new out of the classroom position . Took a breath, from this hard hit, looked forward to the summer, as a recharge time, and tried to move my mind set to a positive one of “change can be good. ”
Will be reading your 10 things to tell yourself on hard days over and over, as I’m struggling with my lack of progress. My story to myself is : it’s not worth it, nice try, but you’ve got so long to go, do you really want to work this hard again and again and again??
Needless to say, I’m not making much progress on the many areas of change. I’m going to pick myself up and work on setting one or two goals per day for the rest of this week. Baby steps is what I got from your post today. Don’t look back, and have patience.
CHINENYE says
Hi guys.i want to apperciate u for the good job u are doing.am happy to see this in my email this morning
And it has changed the negatives taught of my to postive way.keep doing the good work…
SYBOT says
1)Little Drops of water make a Big River. Little things make a big difference.
2) Nothing happens speedy in life, we have to wait for the results.
Big change requires Big wait.
3) God has created “Patience”, now its upto us to develop it within us and believe me whoever has developed this property inside has seen remarkable results in life.
4) Always believe in GOD, pray to GOD, Ask HIM what you want.
Whenever life is hard at you, don’t tell your GOD how big the trouble is, instead tell you trouble how BIG your GOD is.
As far as Ups and Downs in life are concerned, these are the sign of life. Shocked!!
I can prove:
See an ECG report, whenever EGC report shows ups and downs, it means you are alive. Straight line is not the sign of life.
STAY BLESSED 🙂
Amy says
This is so true. Having our own personal positive voice helps a lot in aborting negative thoughts and feelings. We really need to first of all, tell ourselves the whole truth. Then, strive to make conscious effort in applying the lessons learnt in life. When we strive to do these, definitely there will be marvellous results.
Thank you, once more, M&A.