Our character is often most evident at our highs and lows. Be humble at the mountaintops, be strong in the valleys, and be faithful in between.
Why are we feeling this way—so beaten up and worn down?
Why do we, who start out so passionate, courageous, worthy and believing, become utterly bankrupt by the youthful age of 30, 40 or 50?
Why is it that one of us drowns in material consumption and debt, another self-mutilates, a third seeks oblivion in hard liquor and gambling, a fourth, in order to stifle fear and judgment, cynically tramples and berates her own individuality, intelligence, and priceless youth?
Why is it that, once fallen, we don’t attempt to rise back up? Or, having lost one thing, why don’t we attempt to seek another?
Why? Why? Why!!!
Because we give up on ourselves too soon.
We let that monster named negativity chew us up and spit us out into a mucky puddle of self-doubt.
And we’ve all been there at some point too. So, if you can relate right now, here are some important reminders to keep handy…
- When your marriage, parenting, faith, etc. gets tough, it’s not a sign that you’re doing it wrong. These intimate, intricate aspects of life are toughest when you’re doing them right – when you’re dedicating time, having the tough conversations, and making daily sacrifices.
- On particularly hard days when you feel that you can’t endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far.
- Have a little faith that the universe has a plan for you, and it’s all being revealed in the right time frame. Something you will eventually learn through all your ups and downs is that there are really no wrong decisions in life, just choices that will take your life down different paths. Sometimes you must get hurt in order to grow, or lose in order to gain. Sometimes the lesson you need most can only be learned through a little pain.
- Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- Life is not about maintaining the status quo. Life is not about playing it safe every second. Life is not about standing still and wallowing in self-doubt. It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able. It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how hard and small they may be, so you can move forward and evolve. (Read Daring Greatly.)
- You must make a firm decision that you’re going to move forward. It won’t always happen naturally or automatically. Sometimes you will have to rise up and say, “I don’t care how hard this is. I don’t care how disappointed I am. I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”
- No matter what’s happening, you CAN efficiently fight the battles of today. It’s only when you add the battles of those two relentless eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated. Realize that it’s not the experience of today by itself that devastates you, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring. It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now.
- When you stop worrying about what you can’t control, you have time to change the things you can control. And that changes everything.
- Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.
- Making mistakes means you’re actually DOING something in the real world and learning from it. Listening or reading is often just listening or reading. It’s not real learning. Real learning comes from making mistakes. And mistakes come from gradual implementation.
- If you never go after it again, you’ll never have it. If you never ask again, the answer will always be no. If you never step forward again, you’re stuck right where you are.
- In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become; its the legroom for the fairy tales you’ll tell yourself in the future about what could have been.
- Everyone has a little talent. What’s rare is the courage to follow it into the dark places where it leads, and beyond. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of the brand NEW edition of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes it’s simply a whisper at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”
- If you’re still sitting there thinking, “Things should be different right now,” take a deep breath. That’s not true and you know it. Because if it were true, things would be different right now. Stay present and focus on what you can create today. And tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
Now, it’s your turn…
It’s your turn to reinforce your better judgment.
All the love and validation you need is yours to give yourself.
Let that sink in. Then leverage the reminders above as needed to let it sink in even deeper.
Truth be told, someday everything will make better sense. Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if things don’t turn out exactly the way you anticipated. And you’ll look back at these past times, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”
So take a deep breath right now. And another…
And, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
(Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.)
Joanne says
Let me just say that right now I am experiencing some difficult times. Life is filled with challenges on a daily basis, but currently, I feel I am at a crossroads. Therefore, I can’t say it was just one thing that “struck a chord” with me. However, yesterday (during a conversation I was having with my friend) she said “remember what you deserve”, which you mention in *15. I think sometimes we neglect to put ourselves first, thinking maybe that is selfish, (at least I do). In an attempt to be fair, open minded and non-judgmental, I find myself accepting behavior that goes against what I believe in, making excuses and trying to justify bad behavior; and therefore, “settling” for less than I deserve. I forget or choose to “not” listen to that little voice inside. Standing up for what we believe in can be very painful; finding out someone you love and trusted has been deceitful and has betrayed you is devastating. Taking action to remove yourself from that relationship is frightening and can be lonely.
These daily readings help remind me to keep moving forward, to realize that we are right where we are meant to be, to live “one day at a time”.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM
JJ says
I gotta say, #4 resonates so deeply with me right now, and it reminds me of a line from your 1000 Things book that I have recited to myself frequently over this past month:
“Without pain, there would be no change. But remember, pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released.”
Thank you, yet again, for all you two do.
Mel says
Hi Joanne, I too have been making baby steps at healing and moving forward in my life after finding out the person I married was deceitful in many ways. I’m learning that I sacraficed a lot of myself and was too forgiving of behavior that I never intended to tolerate. I did not give enough value to my inner voice and often dismissed things in an effort to make things work and to be fair. In the beginning it was a little scary and at times lonely trying to remove myself from the situation but it was time to have some self respect. If not for me, than to be a role model for my children. Interestingly enough, the farther I get away from the situation, the more clear the picture becomes. Amazing what you DONT see when you are still in it. Even baby steps in a positive direction is a step closer to a better path. This blog has been very helpful to me in growing my inner strength and recognizing I need to put myself first sometimes…sometimes, it’s ok. And a website called “daily strength” has made me see that we are not alone in our feelings. I wish you all the best for a good and happy life… You deserve it!
Frances maugatai says
Hi my name is Frances l ilke want you write and I need help how do I get it and the information on here is good and how do I get help.
Joan Voss says
Hi Joanne. I read your comment to Marc and Angel’s poignantly accurate list of reminders for our darkest moments. As it stands right now, I am going through the same thing and have similar sad & scared feelings.. I do it all the time; making excuses just because I don’t want conflict over things I really find to be unacceptable behavior. It is so hard when you are living with someone who has been accustomed to a routine and suddenly you put the skids on the way you conduct yourself. You begin standing up for yourself and find out what you’re made of. I recently went for a walk during the wee hours of the morning, completely alone with my thoughts, just to break up the routine, and I usually don’t even get out of my house due to a disability. A cop stopped me and asked me if everything was OK. I told him I was just feeling cooped up but thanks for asking. I wanted complete privacy and my heart felt simultaneously broken. It felt as if he were sent to reassure me that I am not alone. We have to recognize this as Marc and Angel have pointed out. But I’ve gone on a little too much here. Just grateful for a computer that can deliver such wisdom, what about you? 😉 Joan Voss
Dawn Harris says
Yes, just what I needed at this time! At a pivotal moment in my life with a relationship , job and launching a business, I find myself very perplexed seeking clarity. However I know now that I’m right where Im supposed to be seeking the answers within n moving forward. Thank you so much for the confirmation!
Jackie says
Your blog posts and book always move me forward. I must say #3: resonates in my soul, because I’m the type of person that always want peace. However, confrontation will come. It does not feel good to me , but I always learn something about myself in the process. I work in a public place where I deal with a lot of people. Sometimes I have anxiety thinking someone will complain about something today. I’m always making sure I cross every T, and dot every I in fear, because the members are always right. I work at Costco which has a high volume of members. I love my job and I love people, but sometimes they are so rude and quick to complain if they don’t get their way. Please give me some advice.
Thanks,
Jackie
Janice says
Jackie,
I know that there are a lot of rude people out there. Just remember that what you see is not always what is really going on. Sometimes their life is falling apart and they can’t deal with that so they redirect their anger and you are handy so you get it. What I use to do is find something nice to say to them like I like that color on you and smile. Then say how can we make this better if possible touch their hand. If it is not something the company will allow then tell them that and say let’s see what else we can come up with to resolve this problem. Then say to yourself I will not allow this persons mood wreck my day . You may need to repeat that a few time. Good luck.
Emily says
Hi Jackie,
I think Janice brought up some really good points and suggestions up above, first of all.
I have anxiety over a colleague always lashing out, but I have a much easier time dealing with strangers. Why? Because they’re strangers. At the end of the day, you will not remember their faces and they will not remember yours. You’re not going to see them everyday (hopefully). I figure each stranger is like a mini-test or challenge (I find making things into games works for me) so each interaction is different.
You also have to remind yourself that their attitude is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. It’s theirs. It’s something that they have to deal with and go home with knowing that they lashed out at a store employee, etc. You can only control your reaction to them and you can’t control whatever their reactions are. So just stay kind and be patient– you don’t know what’s going on in their minds. At the end of the day, you only have control over yourself and your reactions. If you were kind in the face of anger, then you are fine and have done nothing wrong. To me, it sounds like you are doing fine, Jackie.
Hope this helps and good luck!
David Rapp says
You work for Costco. Their members include me. When you go are home, so are we. We are not with you, for you or against you. We are merely there for a transaction or assistance. Bring your peace to the situation. Stay calm, listen, and explain. If they are rude, smile back.
Mark B Hoover says
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Reminds me of advice from my instructor when I was taking flying lessons: Takeoff is optional, landing is mandatory.
Richard Kofi Agor says
I have been following you for sometime now from Ghana. You website is very encouraging and life-lifting. Thank you very much for the numerous lives you guys are impacting worldwide
Darla says
Just watched the recording of you latest Think Better conference. I loved it and will watch again. And I feel like this post reaffirms some of my notes.
Truly, at 76 I’m much older than your usual readers and students but your wisdom actually applies to me even more because I have so many years to regret bad decisions!
Your lessons are strong and wonderful reminders to keep going and never feel it is too late to start to make necessary difficult changes in our thinking, and move toward more positive actions.
Judy Trout says
Hi Darla,
I am 77, and I agree that the lessons mean a great deal from our viewpoint. I used to say to my niece, “I’m looking at you from the other end of the road” when she asked me for advice. She laughed at that, but it’s true that years shed light on life. However, we benefit just as much as younger folks from the encouragement and guidance we receive from Marc and Angel and others. To say we have less time to implement chance is easy to think, but we all have only today.
Nitya Rambhadran says
Your Blog post is so inspiring!
I can resonate completely with the 6 point. ‘Giving up’ can never be an option in life.
Thank you so much for the amazing pointers.
Forna says
I am at a point in life where I need to make a decision that could change the rest of my life. I’m not sure if by making the decision to say yes will be the right one. I also fear that if I say no, I may never know what I missed out. But reading this message is encouraging. It helps me to know I am not struggling alone. Thanks Marc and Angel. I only wish there was a way I Could talk to you personally.
Shivam Pawar says
Thank you so much…Great advice….😊
Elaine Rosemary McGregor says
I came across this site by chance, and found it very intriguing and interesting. It stirred many emotions in me and basically, I want to say thanks you as it most definitely hit many chords within my soul.
Carylle Doherty says
I couldn’t have read this at a more needed time. I recently had a relationship breakup which was unexpected, and I have been completely destabilized. I kept thinking what I could have done differently to prevent it from happening, holding myself responsible. I am slowly beginning to see the situation more clearly and realize it was not about me, as this person had done this to me on two previous occasions. I trusted that he was solid the third time around and that the relationship would work out long-term. I now need to learn to value my worth enough to not accept this person back into my life.
I know I need to move forward and I want to as I know I deserve to have a happy life.
I benefit greatly from your readings and follow them on a regular basis. This one in particular was just perfect, to help me move through this day and deal with my anxiety.
Thank you for all the wonderful work you do.
Carylle
Maria says
Thank you for today’s support, my family is going through a difficult time right now and this will help me get through my day.
Liatile Tshona says
Your articles are my soul food, daily bread in my life. Today you gave me confidence, strength, cause I know that in order to be successful in life you pass through hard times or you feel a pain before healing , you also learn from mistakes.
Thank so much for such a wonderful stories good people, I really enjoy your articles everyday I read them.
Gloria says
Just a big THank you, you guys always have the words that make my spirit go up. Thank you so much because I need it.
rebecca hangi queen says
Sometimes you must get hurt in order to grow ,or lose in order to gain…
I was in hard time to make a decision to live with my bro or separate coz every time he quarrel with me when something happen or went wrong at home …it was choc me and tell myself perhaps am too bad or my behavior is not good toward him…and my question was always why ?why ? why ? he react at me like this …but when am going through your numerous messages it help me to make a good choice for the sake of my happiness and peace …
Now am living alone i don’t care how hard this is…
Thank you so much guys for our wisdom thank you a lot
rebecca hangi queen says
I mean your wisdom
Gunther says
If the universe has a plan for us, it should have revealed it to us a long time ago.
Sue Rose says
Thank you I’m in a steady in between time just now. This is really helpful and ties in with much that my Christian faith teaches me.
Ann says
I just had a major disappointment-yesterday! “Crushed” describes my mood as of last night. But, thanks to this writing and my own stubbornness, I’m starting again. If you don’t try and try again, you will never get what you want.
Jennifer Friedrich says
Thank you – just when I needed it 🙂
jeni
kellygirlwith9@gmail.com says
Oh wow 😮. That’s amazing; I feel like you have just written my story for me…. the facks are identical!
CJ says
This popped up on my google home page and I can in all honesty say I have never needed words like this more than I needed it today. Once again proven that the universe knows what we need at the exact time… Thank you for this wise and inspiring words… xx
David Rapp says
Well after more than two years I am back. Great listing here. A couple of thoughts I might add:
Failure is your friend. Fail fast, fail forward and fail frequently. Not trying is the only real failure.
Set backs are often setups. I was fired from a company where I no longer fit, but it forced me to embrace new technologies, new company structures and new customers. I was given 30 days to find a new job, found one in 4 hours (yes hours), and love my new job. But if I was not fired… I would not be here.
Tracy Muller says
Wow – I needed this so much today. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am utterly sick and tired of myself and just could not pull myself up after a dreadful week. “I will try again tomorrow” but with this printed out to help me through. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You rock
MaryEllen Whitton says
I love the quote about character under the top photo.
Does anyone know who it is credited to? Is it Marc’s?
Much appreciate any feedback.
Thanks!
Suzan says
Such an inspiration, u raise me up when am truly drowning. Like today, av bn from work was so disappointed by the one I have bn calling a friend(workmate). I got so furious and angry at him. But having read this,am totally at peace in mind. I need to catch up with myself first to deal with others too
Gloria says
Thank you for your blog! I am encouraged and so inspired
Gloria says
Love to you Darla!
Henly Dopo says
This article is really waking me up and giving me more strength from my deepest moments of struggles and regrets. After repeatedly doing the same mistakes over and over just to please other people’s desire, I keep on getting more depressed after realizing the all choices I’ve made has their worse consequences.
I’m so down and feel like I’m not perfect and good enough to have better plans and even achieve my goals and dreams in time.
However, I entirely agree with point #12 . ” In the space between “I’ll try again” and “I give up” there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you are capable of being and who you have become; its the legroom for the fairy tales you’ll tell yourself in the future about what could have been.”
Thus, I live this moment to start fresh again. I totally believe in myself that I have all that it takes to do anything that I can think of within me and that motivates me more to get on my feet and take a step further in this very moment in time.
Sara says
Well said, and exactly the words I needed to hear. Thank you!
Deuah Jackson says
Thank you !
Louise says
I was going through a lot and I don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for reminding me not to sulk much on my mistakes from the past and stop worrying about future cause what I have to face is the battle of today.
togel livedraw says
A very good informative article. I’ve bookmarked your website and will be checking back in future!
Latiefa Sulemane says
We all fall down but yes, we get up..There’s nothing as powerful as a made up mind. I’m doing this with holding nothing. Thanks a lot for the wise inspiring messages that I receive day after day in my inbox..You guys are so amazing your messages are always in season & that is why its so powerful every time..warm fuzzy love to both of you Mark & Angel..
Huong says
Dear Marc and Angel:
Thank You so much for the amazing articles! The encouragements, passionate are the
Truly massages to live the life of
The inner peace, strength and never gives up.
Orlando Perez says
I’m a 62 year old male and I am a chronic worrier. My negativity and mind sometimes get the best of me. Life has thrown me a few curveballs. I have gotten better and sometimes have a better grasp of things. I want to thank you for this.
Joanne Reed says
“Life is not about standing still and wallowing in self-doubt.”
Agree with this one, standing still really means falling behind, it is essential to keep moving.
Rinyapam says
This came by just in time as im having the hardest days of my life. Thoughts like this give me a boost to be able to hold on n not give up. Cus sometimes u wanna just give up when uve tried so hard but not see a step of change. May be, hard times and feeling so low of self makes us realise we are only human. Im still breathing and things will be okay. Face the fact and embrace it. Dark times have produced wonderful works in the world. May be I should just hang on and keep working then …. Sigh but!
hope chennai says
Thank you for your blog! I am encouraged and so inspired
Henriette says
Thank you. This message is spot on.
Sandy Rosewood says
There is so much to be learned for me between falling down and getting back up again. I have started around 6 businesses and sold three so my strike rate is around 50% but I have learned so much and had such a wild ride I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Keep going, believe believe believe and don’t for even one second let self doubt cloud your judgment!