“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
—Mae West
Fifteen years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandpa. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandma and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”
And as I drove home that evening, a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…
“Am I living well?”
“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m on my deathbed?”
These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I desperately struggled to envision myself on my deathbed—just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the healthy soul searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my 90-year-old grandma (who was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).
On the final day of her life, I sat with my grandma for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe of a woman who was still smiling and sharing stories despite incredible weakness and pain. Her mind was amazingly strong even just a few short hours before her death. So, I gave her my undivided attention—I soaked up her wisdom one last time.
And I was all ears until she asked me a version of that question I had avoided a few years earlier. “Do you know why I’m smiling right now?” she asked me.
“Because you lived well,” I said.
She smiled even wider, and then she spent the next hour speaking softly and passionately about her life and the reasons for her present happiness. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable hours of my life. Immediately afterward, she took a nap—one of her final naps—and I wrote a journal entry about everything she spoke of.
Although I’ve shared many of her insights and quotes with blog subscribers and course students in the past, today would have been my grandmother’s 101st birthday, so I’d like to honor her once again. And to do so, I’m going to share an expanded version of the notes from that specific journal entry I wrote in her hospice room 11 years ago. It’s her wisdom with my twist. I’ve done my best to convey what she told me in five inspiring points—the five reasons my grandma actually smiled on her deathbed:
1. My grandma never talked herself out of doing her thing.
One of my grandma’s favorite quotes was by Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious—and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
It inspired my grandma for decades, and it still inspires me every day to write and create—to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”
For example, it’s been nearly 14 years now that I’ve been publishing new articles every week on marcandangel.com. Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my work was sub-par.
“I thought this was a great article. Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive 10,000+ shares on social media. Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, my grandma’s wisdom always reminds me of one key point: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work. We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.
And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work. It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it. There’s no use in doing that.
Instead, it’s our job to create. Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment. Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot, every single day. That’s how my grandma lived her life. She was a true artist in that way.
Realize that there are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft. Yes, almost everyone is an artist in some way. And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work. The important thing is to not let your self-judgment talk you out of doing your thing and sharing your creative and unique gifts with the world.
Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”
2. My grandma vividly remembered persevering through life’s many challenges.
Sadly, most people give up on their life stories far too early. They come out of school or college wanting to change the world, wanting to build an enterprise, wanting to make lots of money, wanting to start a family and live happily ever after. But they get into the middle of it all and discover it’s way harder than they anticipated. They encounter many setbacks, and they can’t see anything over the distant horizon anymore. So they wonder if their efforts are moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the ones ahead are getting larger, at least not fast enough. So they take it out on their family and friends, or themselves, and they go aimlessly looking for an easier path that doesn’t fulfill them.
Don’t be one of these people.
My grandmother had a Winston Churchill quote hanging in her home office that said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
And she strongly believed that good things don’t come easy. “True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” she told me. Take this to heart!
Never give up on your journey. Don’t ever give in. Don’t ever stop trying. Don’t ever sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.
3. My grandma spent much of her life focused on the present, appreciating the little things.
“Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present,” my grandma said.
The universe is always talking to us—sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipitous events, reminding us to stop, to look around, and to believe in something special, something more.
But this special something isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are.
Sometimes you have to stop searching, and just BE. You aren’t missing anything anywhere else. You’re only missing the goodness in front of you.
Let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something amazing might be happening elsewhere. Focusing on this is obviously futile.
Hustle, work hard, and seek adventure, but do it with your eyes wide open and focused on your present step.
You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else—it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.
4. My grandma had the peace of mind that comes with letting go.
This point is a perfect successor to the previous one. Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past—it’s about having the wisdom to embrace the present.
Truth be told, the more you talk about it, debate it, rethink it, rehash it, cross-analyze it, get paranoid about it, track it, respond to it, contend with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, insult it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives… it continues to fester and rot in your mind.
It’s time to accept that it’s over! It’s dead! It’s gone. It’s done. It’s time to bury it because it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your past life and bury that thing once and for all!
“Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it right now,” my grandma told me. “We have to let go of the ideas, outcomes and expectations that aren’t serving us.”
Take pause when you must. Realize that holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier in the end. Give yourself this gift so you can grow and smile again, and again. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Happiness” and “Adversity” chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
5. My grandma was well read and incredibly generous with her knowledge.
My grandma’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers—those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in tiny ways or enormous ones. Some succeed, some fail, most have mixed results, but it’s the effort itself that’s heroic, as she saw it. Win or lose, my grandma admired those who intelligently fight for the greater good. And I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment.
Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
Afterthoughts
I want to leave you with a poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley that my grandma used to have hanging on the side of her refrigerator when I was growing up. I think it perfectly embodies the overall message of this post, and the overall reason my grandma was smiling:
“He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;
Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
Who has never lacked appreciation of Earth’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who has left the world better than he found it,
Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had;
Whose life was an inspiration;
Whose memory a benediction.”
Your turn…
If you’re feeling up to it, Angel and I would love to hear from YOU.
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?
What else do you want to be able to smile about down the road?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Denise says
Happy birthday to your grandma. 🙂
As for me, I want to smile about making a difference. I think the characteristics of being kind, honest, compassionate and loving create an environment of happiness – an environment I hope to continue to create for myself in the years ahead.
AND THANK YOU. Your articles are inspiring, invigorating and up-lifting. The path to happiness is within oneself. Love is the mightiest power in the world, and you’re spreading it through your blog, book and emails. Thank you.
JoansGate says
One of the best answers, to me, Denise! I’m approaching 70 years old and have accomplished many events/things in my lifetime. Compassion and honesty are characteristics I look for in people I meet. Thanks Marc and Denise for your compassionate and honest messages.
Luis says
I’ve heard it said a time or two that at the end of your life you will most regret the things that you did not do. I believe this to be true. I’m 58 now, and I do have regrets that I’m working on mending.
Are we courageous enough to live the life we were born to live?
That’s a question I now ask myself. And down the road, I want to be able to say yes, honestly.
Teena B says
Needed this more than you could possibly know ? thank you!
Gina says
This article is an affirmation of what is going on in my life. I’m 55 years old and about to embark on a life long dream with my spouse. It’s scary to leave loved ones and what is familiar but also exciting thinking about what the future holds. I’m a fairly new reader to your posts and find them very inspirational. I actually found your blog via your GBTH book. Thank you for sharing your gifts!!
Scott says
Thank you for this article. I had the same experience with my dear mom. It was what got me thru that day, and still today. Life is amazing – thank yoy
Harsh Modi says
I got tears in my eyes reading…..deep bow of infinite gratitude to dearest Grandma. The same question I have been pondering about “What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m on my deathbed?”
Thank you so much for sharing.
Brian says
Thank you for this. It sincerely touched me and is a timely reminder of what is really important in our lives. It also reminded me of my grandmother.
Tomorrow is the 34th anniversary of her passing, and like yours, she was a rock and source of inspiration in my young life.
Alex Leow says
Thank you Marc anf Angel. You have no idea how much impact your work has made a difference to my life and those I try to guide. I have bought your books and received your almost daily dose of words of wisdom. Rest assured your work is changing lives, at least mine. I depend on your routine emails to navigate this crazy world and continue walking the journey of life with meaning and sound advice. Thank you and ever appreciative and grateful I found both of you. 🙂
Marybeth says
Life changes bring such churning but the shifts that happen after are wonderful. We always remind ourselves that we don’t wat to live like the movie Groundhog Day. It’s an easier reminder to move forward even when it’s hard…
Adrian King says
I liked stop searching, be me. After my divorce I went to therapy searching for answers, why? As I did benefit from my therapy I do realize no more searching questions, but the answer was just be me. Like it or not, like me or not. . I live my life every day with that answer.
Your grandmother was amazing, with lots of wisdom.
I also like having a funeral for the past, great concept.
Thank u for sharing ur grandmother.
Jeff Lavender says
A perfectly timed and wonderfully powerful reminder for me today. And, I immediately knew the answer to the question you posed: “what do I want to smile about on the inside on my deathbed?”
The answer? My wonderful, amazing wife and life partner. It’s taken me way too long (we’re on 35+ years together) to truly see and appreciate her. But the blinders are gone and I am one blessed man.
Thank you for the post. It’s put a spring in my step today. And joy in my spirit.
-J
Thomas says
I’m 53 and my thoughts on reading this is simple. Slow down enjoy the present. I’ve been running and gunning since I was 16. I’m currently unable to walk due to back problems but it’s ok. I watch the birds outside my window and my 2 year old granddaughter comes and sits with me. Life doesn’t get much better than this!!
Kenneth says
I have read hundreds of blogs, but this one ranks as THE BEST. My authority for saying this is that I am 92 years old and will spend this day passing on my small collection of wisdom by writing.
Kenneth Shelby Armstrong Th.D., Ed.D.
Sandy Tolar says
The part about letting go, it was just what I needed. I am going through an unwanted divorces trying desperately to cling on to a person who is done with me. I complain, I am vendictive, I take up all my friends time with it. Your article helped me realize that she doesn’t know what she had and I am better off without her, and that I don’t want to waste anymore of my life looking back at her and at a relationship that was toxic to begin with!
marlene alves says
Marc, I always find inspiration & enjoyment in this blog by you & Angel; but today’s hit’s the proverbial inspirational ball out of the ballpark…!!
It’s a beautiful homage to your grandmother first of all, but what’s obvious is that her grandson is a replica of those she admired: “My grandma’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers—those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place……..”
My guess is that she is still smiling over this wonderful human she helped create; take a bow, Marc Chernoff and thank you, thank you!
Verna Horney says
Dear Marc and Angel,
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your blog has lifted me in ways in which I cannot even begin to express in words. I have read your blog and many of your books as I so believe in the messages I receive.
I read and nod my head “yes” as the words are meaningful and believable. Your Grandma was such a wise soul. I have been fortunate to meet people like her. In my opinion, we all need to take time and listen to our wise elders and our young children as they have the uncanny ability to teach us how to slow down and just be. Get back to being present and enjoy each moment as it unfolds.
Continue doing what you do and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inspiring me to do better and be better.
With love and gratitude,
Verna
Tiffany says
Thank you : )
Jerone says
We Need to find out purpose,when we retire not to become bored and depressed. At 83, liv e with my families motto, “if at first you do not suceed try try again and know when to move on.
Sandy says
Ditto to all the previous remarks. What strikes my heart is how fortunate a child is who has someone in their corner uplifting and inspiring them but mostly who believed in them. Mine was my grandmother also. I think of her daily with profound gratitude for her presence and example in my life. So glad you had that someone in yours.
I will be sharing this with my peeps. Btw, I am 72. I would add to the list that serving others is the highest honor and brings the greatest joy. Thank you for your generous blogs. They are always relevant to anyone who wishes to live their fullest life.
Kim says
Never give up on your journey. Don’t ever give in. Don’t ever stop trying. Don’t ever sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.
WOW, I needed this today! Thank you for reminding me every day. Going through a difficult separation after 21 years, each day is a struggle, but this helps. Thank you.
Linda Farr says
Boy, do I identify with your grandma! I am almost 58 yrs. old, but grew up with all ages and stages of life. I gained or heard and caught much wisdom, but was unable to apply it or so I thought until now, right in this time of my life. What sharing and passing on can achieve amazes me.
It results in a benefit to all oftentimes. And, thankfully, though knocked around a bit, I am still standing strong benefitting from others as well as now knowing that others are benefiting from me. That is an absolutely beautiful realization at this juncture in my life.
Thank you so much for recapturing her words and encapsulating them so well and further expressing this experience in such clarity for others reading and continuing like myself.
Again, many thanks.
Linda
Jennifer Reid says
Lovely, Marc. Inspirational. Thanks for sharing.
Jonathan says
Marc,
Thank you for sharing this. Your grandmother was insightful and a wonderful woman how you portray her.
It is so easy to get caught up in the muck and the mire of right now, that we can lose our vision of where we are going. The comment about the trees in front of us getting no larger and the trees behind us getting no smaller resonates more than it should.
The term “living our best life now” has become overused, yet the phrase contains so much value and purpose for those that truly embrace it. While hopefully there are many more days on the calendar for this soul, there is also considerably more work to improve this life by assisting others to live their best life.
Thank you again for this reminder.
Patty B says
Thank you for this! My mother passed away last December, today would have been her 95th birthday… The wisdom you shared today are filled with the wisdom she shared with me. I am missing her and appreciating the blessing of having her as my mom. And then was given her words of encouragement thru you and your grandmother today. The Universe works and you and Angel are blessings to many.
Thank you and have a lovely day!
Maureen says
Holy smokes, your Grandmother was one wise lady. I love your advice and appreciate reading and sharing these daily thoughts. Thank you for continuing to push my thinking forward.
Delton Armstrong says
Thanks for sending this blog. I hope that this describes us.
I especially loved the Churchill quote.
Delton Armstrong says
Thanks for sending this blog. I hope that this describes us.
I especially loved the Churchill quote.
Rick says
What a beautiful post today.I needed to read this. My beautiful wife of almost 40 years passed away 6 months ago. I am crushed and yet still trying to envision a future at 65 years of age.
I think the things that your grandmother and you have said in your post will be a guiding light. My thanks to you and your grandmother for your inspiring message of hope.
John M Hardy says
This is the first time I have ever left a comment. This was very touching. Your grandparents had their priorities in order. As I am on the other side of 50, and knowing that my parents will not be around forever ( at least not on earth). I am beginning to look at my life and see what I can do better to make sure that people can say about me, he knew how to live.
Nanette Miranda says
What an amazing Grandma to have. What resonated was the ‘PRESENT’. When I read your book as well ……I think that is of utmost importance. It keeps you grounded and your worries minimal. THANK YOU BOTH FOR YOUR EMAILS I ENJOY THEM SO MUCH. LOVE FROM SOUTH AFRICA ………NANETTE
Dick Scoppettone says
You did this one GOOD! With all the writing or other creative things we do regularly, we almost never get what our best “hits” are. As you mentioned, others see our creativity more often than we do. This is one of your best, maybe because it’s so close to your heart, or maybe just because you’re a really good writer and you connected on this one. Always love reading your stuff. The two of you are a blessing.
Indoo says
Thank you for writing this wonderful article and sharing. This was just what I needed to hear. I am deeply grateful for your articles. They cheer me up and keep me going.
Dewang says
It was a beautiful read. To go through the little lessons from your grandma. To me when I read the poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson I felt really touched by the message it has for all of us. Thank You for this post
Ranjan Jena says
Thank You Very Much for sharing this wonderful wisdom with me, and many others. It’s a great piece of emotion, message and story to inspire and live well, laugh often, and love much…
Clare Jarvis says
Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts today; I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear them. I run a small business by myself and the last month has been a particular struggle with today my almost deciding to quit the whole thing. I’m my own worst critic and, while others tell me how well i’m doing, I often feel that i’m failing. Today was a day when it got the better of me but, reading your wisdom about our role being to create and not judge or compare ourselves to others has helped me take a step back and realise how much I have to offer and that throwing it all away wouldn’t serve me or all the people I’m yet to help. Your emails always seem to reach me just when I need them most. Thank you so much 🙂
Hariet says
I am totally confused about my life right now, your email did help but i still feel empty inside. I hope this passes and a glimpse of light shines through my path soon.
Thank you for sharing this
Magdalene says
Thank you so very much for sharing this inspiring memos of your grandma. All of it I find very helpful but these stood out for me.
“True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” Take this to heart!
Never give up on your journey. Don’t ever give in. Don’t ever stop trying. Don’t ever sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward. I always look forward to reading your mails. It has a way of getting me refocused, and giving me answers to questions that troubles my mind.
Walter T Scott says
Firstly, what a nice article , an’ I’m sure your Grandmother is watching and smiling . Secondly , I think most of us need a format to “share” our experiences in our struggle to “make it” , in or to whatever “it” is in this wonderful thing called life . One thing in your story that stood out to me , I guess because it mirrored in a way what I was brought up with , is the seeing of the good in front of you . I feel my art comes from all that “good” stuff I’ve witnessed thru the years . And as your writing is a legacy to your Grand parents , my art is the legacy to my people . On a closing note in what I feel is keeping with the soul of your story : when I heard the song by Sean Rowe “to leave something behind ” at the end of the movie “The Accountant” I was struck that here is a true song for the working people out there everyday , trying to make it in this life so they can leave something behind . If I’ve responded in the wrong , I apologies . I’ll fly no false flags here , I’m just an uneducated old fishermen . All the best and keep up the good work .
Shayari Boy says
Inspirational.
Thank you for this article
Christine says
Thank you for this beautiful message! I was fortunate to experience the beautiful passing of my dear grandmother who was the rock for so many but especially for my sister and me! Like your grandmother my “Naunie” passed with a smile. The lessons she taught me is at the core of who I am today. From a life of struggle she rose above, she persevered. I miss her every single day but I know she walks alongside me still and guides me down my path of life. #liveinthemoment